泊车处
不用了 我明天再来取车 今晚喝太多了 No, I'll get my car tomorrow. I had too many.
我已经叫了优步 谢谢你 Got an Uber coming. Thank you.
这也太快了吧 That was fast.
你好 是来接杰姆的吧 Hello. For Jim?
没错 Yep.
你要不要...要不要喝点水 Oh, would you-- would you care for a water?
你的手指为什么是橙色的 Why are your fingers orange?
这是...是碘酒 It's-- It's iodine.
我总是啃指甲 I've been... biting my nails,
所以就把这个涂上 好让我不再啃指甲 so I put this on there to stop me from doing it.
看起来像奇多 吃起来却像屎 Looks like Cheetos, tastes like asshole.
对了 你是做什么的 So, what do you do?
在木蛋白做风险投资 Venture capital over at Wood Opal.
不错嘛 Good.
埃利希·巴赫曼
不介意我接个电话吧 Uh, can I take this?
-不介意 -好的 - Sure. - All right.
天啊 这个视频聊天APP My goodness, this video chat app
真是领先了市场上的其他APP好几个光年啊 is light-years ahead of anything else out there on the market.
我同意 I agree.
你还可以同时添加多位用户 Yes, and you can add multiple concurrent users
也不会影响画质 即使是在3G网络下 with no loss in picture quality, even on conventional 3G.
我们来看看添加多位朋友会发生什么 Let's see what happens when we add more friends.
朋友 你好吗 Hi, friend. What's up?
你好啊 朋友 Hello, friend.
我们要不要再加一个朋友进来 Hey, should we add another friend?
当然要 Yeah, we should.
我们同时可以和多少人对话呢 How many friends can we conference at the same time?
感谢这个功能强大的新TURN服务器 Well, thanks to the amazing new TURN server,
你想加多少就能加多少 as many as you like.
要是有人在信号差的地方呢 What if someone is in an area with poor cellular reception?
这APP可能就不管用了吧 I doubt it would even work.
如果管用的话 延迟啊 画质啊... And if it did, the lag, the video quality...
肯定会很差的 ...that would be horrible.
那我们就来看看吧 Well, let's find out.
能麻烦你看着点路吗 Could you keep your eyes on the road, please?
好 知道了 Yeah, got it. I'm on it.
朋友们 Hey, friends.
瞧瞧 画质这么清晰 Look at that. The image is so clear.
我们看起来都混清晰 对不对 We all look amazing, don't we?
-是啊是啊 -没错 - Yeah, we really do. - Yes.
这真的只是靠移动数据吗 Is that really just on a cell signal?
对 是个了不起的新公司"魔笛聊" Uh, yes. This is the amazing new company PiperChat.
等一下 Wait a minute.
我在科技博客上见过你 I saw you at TechCrunch.
你是理查德·亨德里克斯 You're Richard Hendricks.
正是本人 没错 The very same. Yeah.
你就是那个该死的 You're the fucking guy
要用虚假数字骗科曼-布莱尔公司的人 that tried to walk into Coleman Blair with fraudulent numbers.
不是 No!
-那其实是我的错 -是我 但不是那样 - That was actually my fault. - Yes, but no.
我是说 那...那是过去的事了 I mean, that... that's the old thing.
这是个新公司 This is the new thing,
我能保证 这个非常非常真实 and I can assure you, it's very, very real.
你甚至都不是我的优步司机 You're not even my driver.
我的司机叫桑迪普 开凯雷德SUV的 This says Sandeep in an Escalade.
-我操 -听着 听着 - Ah, shit. - Look, look.
人们理都不理我们 这太让人抓狂了 No one will even talk to us, which is crazy.
我们的日活已超十二万 We just surpassed 120,000 daily active users
而且以百分之十八的速度增长 and we're growing at a rate of 18 percent,
非常有活力 每周都在增长 organically, week over week.
理查德 那是脸书级别的增长速度 Richard, that's Facebook-level growth.
-马上靠边停车 -是很了不起 - Pull over now. - That is great!
理查德 理查德 不要停车 Richard, Richard, do not pull over.
-他一下车你就再见不到他了 -没我事 - You will never see him again if he gets out. - I am not involved!
理查德 听见我说话了吗 Richard, can you hear me?
好了 说真的 理查德 你得停车 Okay, for real, Richard. You have to pull over.
理查德 不要 不要停车 Richard, do not... do not pull over.
-否则你再也见不到他了 -你是在厕所吗 - You'll never see him again. - Hey, are you on the shitter?
快他妈给我停车 Pull the fuck over.
-理查德 -好了 - Richard! - Okay.
搞什么 你现在真想要绑架我吗 What the fuck? Are you seriously trying to kidnap me right now?
不 是锁的问题 No. It's the locks.
我不知道 这不是我的车 I don't know. It's not my car.
儿童锁打开了 Child locks are on.
我之前在照顾我朋友格洛丽亚的曾孙女 I was babysitting my friend Gloria's great-granddaughter.
就在左边 It's on the left.
-弄好了 听着听着 -该死 - Got it. Look, look, look. - God damn it!
求你 听我说 Come on. Listen to me.
我们已入绝境了 我们需要资金 We are desperate. We need funding.
-你需要资金 -是的 - You need funding? - Yes.
如果你的日活达到一百万 Hit a million daily active users
并保持现在这样的增长 while sustaining the same kind of growth,
那么全城的人就都想要绑架你了 then everybody in town will be trying to kidnap you.
问题解决了 Problem solved.
是啊 你说得容易 Yeah, easy for you to say.
你能想象就为了维持正常运转 Can you imagine how much these servers are costing me
这些服务器花了我多少钱吗 just to keep this ship afloat?
没错 而且每个新用户都会增加服务器开销 Right, and every new user increases our server cost.
是吗 不好意思 Really? I'm sorry.
成为亿万富翁这么难吗 Is it hard to become a billionaire?
欢迎来到硅谷 混蛋们 Welcome to the Valley, assholes.
-操 -真是个混蛋 - Fuck. - What a dick.
如果我们没有被捕 Well, assuming we don't get arrested,
那就得拼命工作 looks like we have to work our asses off
削减运行费用 to reduce our hosting bill.
如果你真的达到一百万日活了... If you actually get to a million users...
打给我 背面有我号码 call me. My cell's on the back.
好的 Oh, okay.
你弄完了吗 Did you finish?
对 我刚推送了我的代码 Yeah, I just pushed my code.
写代码花了我两天时间 Took me two fucking days,
但是我利用并行服务把代码库分散了 but I broke up our entire code base into parallel services.
要不是你设计了个垃圾服务器 You know, this whole job would've been a lot easier
整个工作都会轻松很多 if you hadn't designed sloppy services in the first place.
我真是傻 Oh, silly me.
我猜我写临时 I guess when I hacked together
内部视频聊天程序的时候 the video chat as an in-house tool,
没预见到会有几万几十万的人 I didn't foresee that hundreds of thousands of people
能被这程序惊掉下巴 would shit themselves over how fucking awesome it was.
我再也不会低估自己的天赋了 I'll never underestimate my talents again.
别担心 我会继续低估你的 Don't worry. I'll continue to do it for you.
少说话 多干活 小子们 Less talk, more work, boys.
我付你们钱可不是为了让你们 I'm not paying you to coffee klatsch
像长舌妇一样开茶话会的 like a bunch of fucking yentas.
你根本没给我们钱 You're not paying us at all.
我没给钱是因为 I'm not paying you because you're not the one
掏钱买着昂贵的亚马逊云服务 getting fucked face-first by your credit card company
被信用卡公司追债的不是你们 because of massive AWS hosting fees.
你拥有公司百分百的股权 Well, you should bear 100 percent of the company's cost,
公司的所有费用当然是你付 seeing as you do own 100 percent of the company.
你怎么老是拖着不把股份分给我们 What's taking you so long to give us our fucking shares?
让一个企业重生十分复杂 Recapping a company is complex.
但我向你们保证 我和大头在努力解决 But I assure you, Big Head and I are on the case.
最好快点 我们不会永远当免费劳动力 You better be. We're not gonna work for free forever.
我和卡拉奇小子做完了 Hey, the Karachi Kid and I finished.
你推送了代码吗 Did you push your code?
说实话 没有 Actually, no.
女王大人 烦请您把代码推送出去好吗 Well, Your Highness, could you please push your code?
我没法推送代码 Well, I couldn't push that code,
是因为我没有写代码 because I didn't write that code.
什么 我们熬了两天夜 What? We stayed up for two fucking days.
你怎么不写代码 Why didn't you write your code?
因为我做了更好的东西 Well, because I was working on something much better.
我优化了我们的代码 So, I started to optimize our code
让流量承载能力... to handle higher tr...
你们要跟我来才对 You're supposed to follow me.
我在优化我们的代码 I, uh, I started to optimize our code
让程序能承载更高的流量 to handle higher traffic.
然后我灵光一现 Then it occurred to me,
我明明能做一个 why rewrite our old code
不用损失大量信道和元数据的编码器 when I can build a new encoder
那为什么要重写我们的旧代码呢 that doesn't strip away a ton of channels and metadata.
所以 我把我的压缩算法拓展了一下 So, I extended my compression algorithm
使其支持 听好了 12位色 to support-- get this-- 12-bit color.
好了 这样用户体验到的画质 Okay, so our users will be able to experience
就能提升百分之十 a 10 percent increase in image quality
而服务器负载丝毫不会提高 with absolutely no increase in server load whatsoever.
你们来看看 Just-Just-Just-- Just watch this.
改造前 Before.
改造后 After.
改造前 Before.
改造后 After.
理查德 我在努力控制自己 Richard, I'm trying very hard
现在不要彻底抓狂 not to completely lose my shit right now.
我明白 我明白 I get it. I get it.
在城里每家风投都拒绝我们后 After every VC in town turned us down,
我们说好了在达到一百万用户前 we decided that the best way to stay alive
维持经营的最好方式就是减少服务器负载 until we got to a million users was to cut server usage.
记得吗 Remember that?
我和吉尔弗约尔他妈地连熬了 The whole reason that Gilfoyle and I
48小时的原因是想 stayed up for 48 fucking straight hours
减少服务器负载 was to decrease server load,
不是为了维持原样 not keep it the same.
严格来说 我们熬了两晚的原因 Technically, the reason why we stayed up for two days
是为了尽快达到一百万用户 was to maximize our ability to get a million users,
而我这方法可以 and I just did that.
谁不希望画质能增加百分之十呢 Because who doesn't want 10 percent better image quality?
谁不想要 没人想要 Who doesn't want it? Everyone.
没人想要 Everyone doesn't want it!
我们的通讯视频已经是最好的了 We already have the best video chat.
这个软件是在手机上用的 People are using this on their cellphones.
那点区别谁他妈能看出来 They're not gonna be able to tell the fucking difference.
伙计们 这个产品更好 Guys, this is a better product,
而我是首席执行官 and I'm the CEO,
我决定这就是公司的方向 and I'm gonna say this is where we go.
你他妈混蛋 You fucking prick.
伙计们 别爆粗口 Guys... please be civil.
你痛恨这个视频聊天应用 You hate the video chat.
我不讨厌这个视频聊天应用 迪尼希 I don't hate the video chat, Dinesh.
你一直都讨厌这个应用 You've always hated the video chat,
因为这是我做的 because it's my thing,
而你想要重写一遍 把它变成你自己的 and you wanna rewrite it to make it all about you.
你他妈就是嫉妒 You're fucking jealous.
嫉妒 嫉妒 Jealous? Jealous?
视频聊天是你写的 You built the video chat,
这点我承认 行吧 I'll give you that. Okay.
你是写了 但用的是我的算法 You did, but you did it using my algorithm.
是 就像毕加索画了幅巨作时 Right, like when Picasso painted a masterpiece,
功劳全归做出画笔 the guy who made the brushes and the paint
和颜料的人 对吧 deserved all the credit, right?
你现在是毕加索了 So you're Picasso now?
我想我得回避一下 I think I need to... leave,
但我爱你们 but I love you guys.
迪尼希 抱歉 Dinesh, I'm sorry,
我认为我们该用这个革命性的压缩算法 but I think we should be doing a little bit more
来做更多的事 而不仅是 with this revolutionary compression algorithm
凑合的去的视频聊天 than passable video chat.
但我们已经做了更多了 理查德 But we already did more, Richard.
这个更多就是"平台" It was called "The platform."
正是你想要做的 And it was exactly what you wanted to make,
但失败了 好吗 and it fucking failed, okay?
很遗憾 但因为你我们拿不到 I'm sorry, but it's bad enough
任何赞助已经够糟糕的了 that we can't get any funding because of you.
我们外面的名声都被你搞坏了 You're killing us out there.
别在内部再来搞破坏了 Don't also sabotage us in here, too.
魔笛手是家视频聊天公司 Pied Piper is a video chat company.
快点转过弯来 Get your head around that.
我很确定我从未这么说过 I'm quite certain I've never said this before.
我赞同迪尼希 I agree with Dinesh.
好吧 Well.
刚真的好开心啊 Well, that was just a whole heap of fun.
通常来说 我讨厌去中国 Ordinarily, I loathe coming to China,
但当你谈下这样一笔生意时 but when you close a deal like that,
整趟旅程就变成了一件乐事 it makes the whole trip a delight.
要香槟吗 先生们 Champagne, gentlemen?
正好该喝香槟庆祝 I think that's very much in order.
我知道你不能自吹自擂 I know you don't toot your own horn,
所以我就帮你代劳了 so I'll do it for you.
敬你 杰克 Here to you, Jack,
祝贺你的互利/尾帧盒子 and to your Hooli/Endframe box
成为在中国生产的最成功的 becoming the most successful American data storage appliance
美国数据储存设备 to ever be manufactured in China.
干了 Toot-toot.
当心了 杰夫·贝索斯 互利来了 Watch your back, Jeff Bezos, here comes Hooli.
先生们 我们今天从上海飞往 All right, gentlemen... our flight today
山景城莫菲特机场的旅程将历时 from Shanghai to Moffett Field in Mountain View
十一个小时多一点 所以如果你们 will be just over 11 hours, so if you'll just--
其实 我早打算去杰克逊霍尔 Oh, actually, I was headed up to Jackson Hole,
看我的妻子和孩子 see the wife and kids.
我原本是明天包机去的 I-- I was gonna charter up tomorrow,
但或许你可以让飞行员 but maybe you could ask the boys
在路上放下我 just to drop me off on the way?
省下不必要的麻烦 Save me the trouble?
当然可以 Of course.
这其实也没什么 Well, and I mean, it's really not a big deal,
但既然我们是往东飞 我想杰克逊更远 but since we are headed east, I think Jackson is further.
或许我们先去莫菲特 Maybe we'll head to Moffett first,
然后再让他们送你去杰克逊 行吗 then have the guys hop you onto Jackson, okay?
其实 飞这样的航班 Well-- Well, actually, on flights like this,
飞行员喜欢飞越极点 the boys like to go over the Pole,
这样的话 可以算是往北飞了 so that, technically, is a little more north to south,
杰克逊更加靠北 and Jackson is quite a bit further north.
所以我想 或许先去杰克逊 So I think, maybe, just go to Jackson first,
再继续飞去莫菲特 可以吗 then head on off to Moffett. That sound good?
-当然 -好极了 - Of course. - Great.
我去拿个枕头 I'm gonna get a pillow.
我们极度需要一个帕拉帕 You know what we desperately need is a palapa.
一个帕拉帕 A ploppa?
一个帕拉帕 A palapa.
是一种用棕榈叶搭建的墨西哥建筑 It's a Mexican structure with palm fronds.
其实就是个凉亭 It's essentially a gazebo,
但带了点南国边境风味 but spicier and with a south- of-the-border kind of vibe.
我觉得这能让我们感觉没那么暴露 I think it would make us feel less exposed.
而且有助于提高士气 And generally, I think it would be good for morale.
说到这儿 士气没怎么见涨 Speaking of which, morale has not exactly been skyrocketing.
所以我们得马上搞定这个资产表 So, we need to get this cap table done tout de suite.
理查德和其他人 Richard and the fellows
享有公司股份的百分之四十 are entitled to 40 percent of the company.
如果我们每人拿出百分之二十 Now, if we each give 20 percent,
还能每人持有百分之三十 we would still own 30 percent each.
听起来很公平 That seems fair.
听起来是很公平 Seems totally fair to me.
爸爸 Dad?
不 我不同意 Nope. Not gonna happen.
达头蒂先生 无意冒犯 我... Mr. Bighetti, with all due respect, I--
如果你真的无意冒犯 If you had any respect,
你就不会劝我儿子浪费钱 you wouldn't have talked my son into wasting his money...
重蹈覆辙 again.
我儿子一点股份也不会出 My son's not giving up one share.
现在不会 永远不会 Not now, not ever.
达头蒂先生 如果你想 Mr. Bighetti, if you're going to
控制你儿子的董事会席位 control your son's board seat,
这些决定需要达成一致 these decisions have to be unanimous.
-你会害死这家公... -我不在乎 - You're going to kill this comp-- - i don't care.
在我看来 这家公司已经名存实亡了 In my eyes, the company is already dead.
就是被你害死的 Killed by you.
这是我的优势 That's my edge.
如果我这样做能让你 If all I accomplish by doing this
体会到我眼睁睁看着你榨干我儿子 is making you as miserable as you've made me
给我带来的痛苦 watching you fleece my son,
那我无所谓了 then I'm okay with that.
他似乎无所谓 He seems okay with that.
你指望我从现有的百分之五十股份里 So you expect me to give the 40 percent
拿出百分之四十分给那些人 to the gents from my 50 percent,
就给自己留百分之十吗 effectively leaving me with 10 percent?
是的 Yes.
不 不不不 No. No, no, no.
那我花了五十万 Then I would've invested 500 thou-- a half of a million dollars
又回到了起点 just to end up where I started?
绝不能接受 Unacceptable.
我可以接受 I can accept that.
我要睡了 I'm going to bed.
晚安 熊宝宝 Good night, Brown Bear.
我爱你 熊爸爸 Love you, Papa Bear.
我操他妈的 Goddamn motherfucker.
他们说得对 我在亲手葬送公司的前途 I mean, the guys are right. I'm fucking up the company.
一点忙也没帮上 I'm not helping in any way.
咬手指头是没有用的 You're certainly not helping your cuticles by biting on them.
你的甲床会被感染的 Your nail beds are gonna get infected.
话说你是怎么学会的这些 Where'd you learn how to do this, anyway?
我以前四处打拼时 这是一种生存手段 When I was on the street, it was a means of survival.
我不知道 只是... I don't know, it's just that...
我是说 我差点把咱们害死 I mean, I almost killed us,
咱们的公司 这太自私了 the company, and that is so selfish.
如果一定要拥有一百万用户 I mean, if we have to get a million users,
我需要马上获得资金 I need to get us funding, right now.
怎么获得 城里所有有声望的风投公司 How? We've already been turned down
都拒绝了我们 by every respectable VC in town.
谁说要找有声望的了 Who said anything about... respectable?
理查德 不 Oh, Richard, no.
必须的 我想谈生意 什么情况 Fuck yes, I want to talk business. What's the play?
有逼直操 有话直说 Let's fuck this thing right in the pussy.
谢谢你在这里和我见面 Thanks for meeting me here.
我那该死的保姆又酒驾了 被吊销了驾照 My fucking nanny got another DUI and lost her license,
我跟个傻逼一样在这接孩子 什么事 and I'm stuck picking up my own kid like an asshole. So what's up?
我知道你过去一直想买埃利希的 Well, I know you wanted to buy Erlich's Pied Piper shares
'魔笛手'股份 那个平台 back in the previous iteration, the platform.
我希望你能继续投资 Well, I was hoping you would want to come on
现在的平台 as a follow-on investor for the current platform.
那个视频通话 The video chat?
是的 技术很棒 涨势疯狂 Yeah. It's got a great tech. We're growing like crazy.
这正是我们需要投资的原因 In fact, that's why we need funding,
平台发展要跟上用户增长 to keep up with the users,
而且我认为 and I think it could be
如果能保持住这种势头前景会很棒 really good if we could just keep it going.
不 你不这样想 No, you don't.
什么 What?
你不喜欢这样 You don't like it.
你对你们的产品没有信心 You don't believe in this product you're selling.
罗斯 不 这是很棒的产品 Russ, no, that's-- It's a good, sound business.
就像我所说的 技术非常棒 As I said, the tech is great
而且所有人都很支持 and all the guys are really behind it.
但是你不支持 理查德 But you're not behind it, Richard.
我能看出来 尽管你很想 但你并不支持 I can tell, and as much as you want to be, you're not.
来打个比方 It's like this.
你想跟女人约会 You're trying to date a woman,
但在你内心深处 你知道你是同性恋 but deep down in your heart you know you're gay.
在你的灵魂深处 你知道自己宁可去操汉子 Deep in your soul, you know you would rather be plowing a dude!
我不是...我...好吧 什么样的汉子 I don't-- I do-- Okay, what dude?
可能是各种汉子 只要你想上他 It could be any dude, as long as you really want to fuck him.
可能是 正太 熊男 It could be a-- a twink, a bear,
毛男 交际花 肥仔 嫩草 基皮士 an otter, a circuit queen, a chub, a pup, a gipster,
大叔控 皮衣男 人妖 唐老鸭 a daddy chaser, a leather man, a ladyboy, a Donald Duck.
唐老鸭指被海军开除的同性恋 Donald Duck's a gay guy who's been kicked out of the Navy.
你怎么对同性恋这么了解 H-How do you know so many gay things?
我祖父刚刚出柜 My grandfather just came out of the closet.
很美好 非常正能量 Beautiful. Very inspiring.
重点是 如果你整天饥渴难耐 But the point is, if you're gonna spend all day fucking,
难道'魔笛手'不就应该是你想上的汉子吗 shouldn't Pied Piper be a dude you wanna fuck?
好吧 我们做个练习 All right. Let's do an exercise.
你有无限的时间与资源 You've got unlimited time and resources,
你可以用你的压缩算法 you can build anything in the world
创造世界上的任何东西 you want with your compression,
什么都可以 你想创造什么 anything at all, what's it gonna be?
三 二 一 快说 Three, two, one, go. Go, go, go.
-你说我有无限的时间 -现在 快说 - You said I have unlimited time? - Now. Now, now!
一个全新的互联网 A new Internet.
什么 为什么 What? Why?
好吧 我没有深入地思考 所以... Okay. Well, I haven't really thought this through, so...
好吧 Okay.
-我有一架望远镜... -你当然有 - I own a telescope... - Of course you do.
有天晚上我把它搬出来打算观看满月 ...and I brought it out one night to look at the full moon.
-当然 -我就在想... - Of course you did. - And I got to thinking...
天啊 我们把人类送上月球 "Wow, we put a man on the moon
只用了一部手持计算器的运算能力 using the computing power of a handheld calculator."
然后我又想 好吧 And then I thought, "Okay...
我手机上的运算能力 "There's literally millions of times
比那计算器强大数百万倍 "more computing power in my phone
而它就躺在我的口袋里睡大觉呢 对吗 and that's just sitting in my pocket doing nothing." Right?
所以我在想 世界上有数十亿部手机 So then I thought, there's, what, billions of phones
它们有同样强大的运算能力 all around the world with the same computing power
都躺在人们的口袋里 just sitting in people's pockets.
所以我就想 如果我们用这些手机 So then I thought, "What if we use all those phones
建造一个巨大的网络会怎么样 to build a massive network?"
其中关窍就是用我的压缩算法 And here's the kicker: We use my compression algorithm
让一切都变得轻巧高效 to make everything small and efficient
而且... to move things around, and...
如果我们能够做到 if we could do it...
我们就可以重建现有互联网 we could build a completely decentralized version
但完全去中心化 没有防火墙 of our current Internet, with no firewalls,
没有使用费 没有政府监管 没有监控 no tolls, no government regulation, no spying.
信息... Information...
将变成真正意义上的完全自由 would be totally free in every sense of the word.
你想创造一个全新的互联网 You wanna build a new Internet?
-是啊 这 -理查德 我喜欢这点子 - Yeah, it's-- - Richard, I like it.
我会为这个投资的 That I would fund.
其实 我不知道这是否可行 而且... Well, I-I-- I don't know if it's possible, and--
看 如果这个新互联网就是你梦中的男人 Look, if this new Internet is the man of your dreams
是你想上的那个男人 and this is the man that you wanna fuck,
那你就去上了他 then you need to fuck him.
我会付钱让你去操他 That man I will pay you to fuck.
我孩子他妈去哪了 Where the fuck is that kid?
拉宾学校 父女舞蹈 办公室取票
等下 Wait a minute.
该死 Aw, shit.
这学校已经不让我们念了 They kicked us out of this place.
我来错学校了 I'm at the wrong fucking school.
理查德 找到那个男人 好好上他一回 Richard, you find that man, fuck him good.
请小心 他要飙走了 Careful please. He's gonna peel out.
莫妮卡 我要... Monica, I need to--
你不是... You're not...
莫妮卡 感谢上帝我不是 Monica? No. Thank God.
我是爱德·陈 I'm Ed Chen.
劳里让我来这个好办公室 Laurie put me in the good office
让莫妮卡搬去走廊那头了 and moved Monica down the hall.
走廊的最尽头 Way down the hall.
好的 抱歉 Okay. Sorry.
你要听罗斯·汉纳曼说的吗 You're gonna listen to Russ Hanneman?
理查德 你听起来像个疯子 Richard, you sound like a crazy person.
我知道 但 罗斯是对的 I know, but-- but Russ is right.
我不喜欢视频聊天 真的不喜欢 I mean, I hate the video chat. I really do.
怎么了 What?
你正好可以看到-- You can see right into the--
是的 我很清楚 Yeah, I'm very aware.
罗里要惩罚我因为我支持你 Laurie is punishing me for taking your side
而反对她 所以她让我搬到这 and going against her, so she moved me down here
并且把我的办公室给了那个 and gave my office to that little
马屁精 爱德华·陈 brownnosing shit, Ed Chen.
说回来 理查德 你真的打算现在回去 Anyway, Richard, you're not gonna seriously go home
告诉你公司里那帮人 and tell the guys in your company
即使你们现在的用户数飞速增长 that even though your user rates are skyrocketing
你却想要转做别的 that you wanna pivot.
在过去的48小时里 For the past 48 hours,
我一直在尽力重写视频聊天的核心代码 I've been trying to rewrite the core video chat code,
但我真的办不到 and I literally can't.
我只是在咬指甲 而不是打代码 Instead of typing, I just bite my fingernails.
我想 在潜意识里 I think, subconsciously,
我宁愿把自己的指头都啃掉 I would rather bite my own fingers off
也不愿意做这个平台 than work on this platform.
理查德 我知道有人的整个职业生涯 Richard, I know people who have spent
都投入在做一款应用程序 their entire careers chasing after an app
能有你们这样的增长率 但从未企及 with this kind of growth rate and never hit it.
这个真的是很好的产品 It's a really good product.
也许吧 但它不适合我 That may be, but it's not for me.
听着 我知道这些人是我的朋友 And look, I know these guys are my friends,
但他们也是我的员工 这是我的公司 but they're also my employees, and it's my company.
所以...如果我说要转做别的 那就得转 So... if I say we have to pivot, we pivot.
好了 我 我要走了 Okay. I-I-- I have to go.
好的 如果你确定 All right. Well, if you're sure,
告诉他们然后给我打个电话-- then tell them and then call me and tell--
什么 不 我要去那[洗手间] What? No, I-- I have to go.
在四楼还有一个男洗手间 There's another men's room on the fourth floor.
也好 要不然就被你看下面两次了 Right. 'Cause then you would've seen mine twice.
我们都在想同一件事 对吧 I mean, we're all thinking it, right?
理查德一直在对已入正轨的产品捣乱 Richard is fucking with a product that is working.
不该让他做这个公司的首席执行官 He should not be the CEO of this company.
我理解你的担心 I understand your concerns,
但我们非要在现在这个时候开掉理查德吗 but is this the time that we fire Richard?
这将是我坐上首席执行官宝座的时刻吗 Is this the moment that I become the CEO?
你 为什么是你 You? Why you?
简单的排除法 It's a simple process of elimination.
吉尔弗约尔是无政府主义 Gilfoyle, as an anarchist
他绝不会接受任何官方机构的 would never accept a position of authority
-领导职位 -绝不会 - in any official organization. - None.
而你 当然也排除了 And you, of course, are out of the picture,
因为吉尔弗约尔是绝不会同意的 because Gilfoyle would never allow it.
是的 没错 Yeah, that's true.
贾里德 他宁愿立马切腹自杀也不要... And Jared, he'd sooner commit hara-kiri than...
取代他的心肝儿理查德 replace little baby Richard.
这样就只剩下我了 So that leaves me.
说实话 先生们 你们更愿意让谁 And honestly, gents, who would you rather have
来捍卫你们在公司的百分之四的股权... defending your four percent stake in the company...
-百分之五 -什么 - Five. - What?
-五个百分点 -你之前说四个 你 - Five percent. - You said four. Was it...
你说三个点 然后你就... You said three, and then you had...
-就是五个点 -五个 - No, it's five. - Five.
这么着吧 我再回去研究研究 You know what? I'm gonna back channel,
查查会议记录 然后我们再细谈 look at some notes, and we'll get to it.
与此同时 如果到时候... In the meantime, if and when...
我们决定罢免理查德后 显然我接任最合适 we are to depose Richard, I am his obvious heir.
埃利希 没别的意思 Erlich, no offense,
董事会里只有你 理查德和我爸是吧 but the board is you, Richard, and my dad, right?
那我想这就意味着你和我爸 So, I think that means you and my dad
必须就理查德的继任人选达成一致 would have to agree on who replaces Richard,
而我非常十分肯定我爸死也不会支持你的 and pretty sure my dad would, like, never approve you.
-完全没这个可能 -谢你全家 - It's just not gonna happen. - Thank you.
-不客气 -还有一个人选 - Yeah. - There is someone else.
这个人完全没有任何不良记录 Someone who has zero strikes against him.
而且曾经在全硅谷顶尖的 Someone who has held high-level positions
科技公司里担任过高级职务 at one of the biggest tech companies in the Valley.
这个人还登上了 Someone who's been on the cover
全世界公信力最高的科技刊物之一的封面 of one of the most prestigious tech publications in the world.
听起来好厉害 He sounds awesome.
能把他请来吗 Could we get him?
眼下我们争取到了足够多的 And as of now, we've got the votes...
马来西亚重要高官的支持票 of enough key Malaysian ministers
可以继续进行建设 to proceed with construction,
但是他们的支持随时会变 but that support is time-critical.
卡罗尔说得对 Carol's right.
我们得赶在季风季到来之前破土动工 We'd have to break ground before monsoon season
不然整个工程都会停摆 or else the entire project could collapse.
那么您怎么看 So, what do you think?
抱歉 看什么 Sorry. About what?
我们的工厂 About the factory.
工厂啊 The factory.
这个工厂啊... The factory...
失陪一下 Excuse me for a moment.
-结果怎样 -我按照您的要求做了 - So, what have you got? - Well, sir, I did as you asked.
我坐公司的飞机去了上海 I flew the company plane to Shanghai,
然后飞到墨菲特 然后再飞到杰克逊霍尔 then Moffett, then Jackson Hole.
然后我又飞回上海 先飞回杰克逊霍尔 Then I flew back to Shanghai, then to Jackson Hole,
后飞到墨菲特 刚落地就赶过来了 then to Moffett, which is where I just landed.
-结果 -飞墨菲特的时间短28.3分钟 - And? - Moffett is 28.3 minutes closer.
我他妈就知道 I fucking knew it!
巴克应该先送您到目的地 先生 Barker should've dropped you off first, sir.
等等 路上有遇到顶风或者风暴活动的吗 Wait. What about headwinds or storm activity?
我不想给他一丁点狡辩翻身的机会 I don't want to give him any room to wriggle out of this.
接下来我要你这么做 Here's what I'm gonna need you to do.
把每条航线各飞五次 然后求平均值 Fly each leg five more times and average them.
只有这样才能确定 It's the only way to be sure.
我们不用考虑下 And we're not concerned with the expense
再来20次跨大洲飞行的费用吗 of 20 more private transcontinental flights?
我们当然要 Of course we are.
杰克·巴克浪费了我们公司股东们不少钱 Jack Barker is costing the shareholders of this company a fortune,
必须要阻止他 and he must be stopped.
我马上回墨菲特登机 I'll go back to Moffett right now.
很好 你每次到了上海给我打电话 Good. Call me each time you're in Shanghai.
-一周后见 -好的先生 - I'll see you in a week. - Yes, sir.
各位 Guys?
可恶 他从后门进来了 Shit, he came in the back.
理查德 我们得谈谈 Richard, we need to talk.
其实请让我先说几句 Well, actually, let me just say something first here.
我不认为'魔笛手'应该成为视频聊天公司 I don't think Pied Piper should be a video chat company.
你逊毙了 The balls on you.
理查德 我们一致同意罢免你 Richard, we've all decided you are out.
由大头接任 Big Head is in.
不是我的主意 Not my call.
理查德 我们不能再这么频繁转变业务了 Richard, we just can't keep fucking pivoting.
-我们不能再转型了 -等下听我说完 - We won't do it again. - Just wait for a second, okay?
只是 你没明白 拜托听我说 Just-- You're not getting it. Please.
我要辞职 Uh, I'm quitting.
等下 你说什么 Wait. What?
理查德 我一直在外面等你 Richard, I was waiting out front!
他们要埋伏你并用大头替换你 They want to ambush you and replace you with Big Head,
但我一点都没参与 but I had nothing to do with it.
重申下 不是我的决定 Again, not my call.
我本做好准备跟你们抗争了 I was ready to fight you guys,
但在回家的路上 我想到 but then, on the way home, it occurred to me
可能有更好的解决办法 there might be a better way.
我要自己重开间公司 I'm going to start my own company.
只要让我拿回我的压缩算法的所有权 I will give up all of my equity in the video chat
我会放弃我在视频聊天所占的所有股份 if I get to completely own my algorithm.
我会给你们永久使用许可 I will grant you guys a perpetual license
让你们在视频软件中使用我的算法 to use the algorithm in your video chat,
但我要用我的算法构建别的东西 but I need the algorithm to build something else.
听着 不用再担心拿到一百万用户 And look, forget a million users,
等我离开了公司 with me out of the company,
你们肯定能拿到投资 绝没问题 you guys would be able to raise money, no problem.
这样的话 所有人都得利 And that way, everybody wins.
所以我们的视频聊天软件 So we can use the algorithm,
可以一直免费无限期使用算法吗 free and clear, for video chat?
-没错 -我说 我们都不应该讨论这个 - Yes. - I mean, we-- we shouldn't even be talking about this.
而你会放弃你那半分之25的原始股 And you would leave behind your 25 percent,
这样我就有足够的股权来公平补偿这帮人 thus giving me enough equity to compensate the boys fairly
而大头的父亲可以继续持有他那半分之50 and Big Head's father would retain his 50 percent?
听上去没错 对 I think that's right. Yes.
而你新公司的半分之十归我 And I would own 10 percent of your new company.
等下 什么 为什么 Wait. What? Why?
你的算法是在孵化器里开发出来的 The algorithm was developed here in the Incubator.
理查德 丢人啊你 Richard, shame on you.
看来谈不拢了 我们去吃点东西吧 Well, dealbreaker. Let's-- Should we get some food?
不不 好的 没问题 No, no. That's okay. It's fine.
还有我来提点建议 And I'm here for advice,
为新任首席执行官的人选 不论是谁都行 or advice for the new CEO, whoever that may be.
那就是说 To wit, uh...
我知道可能不该由我来提这个建议 I know it's probably not my place to give this suggestion,
但我觉得应该是迪尼希 but I think it should be Dinesh.
-什么 -什么 - What? - What?
-什么 -你说什么 - What? - What?
-对 抱歉大头 -啥 - Yeah. Sorry, Big Head. - What?
对 迪尼希 视频聊天功能 Yeah. Dinesh, you were the one that hacked together
是你一开始开发出来的 the video chat in the first place.
你最了解这个产品 You know the product inside and out.
你是我会押注的那匹黑马 You are the horse that I would bet on.
你真这么认为吗 You really think so?
真的 I do.
我同意 吉尔弗约尔呢 I'm down. Gilfoyle?
吉尔弗约尔 Gilfoyle,
求你让我做'魔笛手'的首席执行官吧 can I please be CEO of Pied Piper?
你得像真正的领袖一样说话 Spoken like a true leader.
但既然你是个失败的领导还不是既成事实 But since your failure as a leader is a virtual certainty,
先容忍下让你短期登顶首席 tolerating your short reign as CEO
换来在你大祸临头时能看个痛快 挺值的 in exchange for a front-row seat to the disaster seems fair.
再说 如果我错了 但其实我没有 Plus, if I'm wrong, which I'm not...
我就发财了 所以我同意 迪尼希 I get rich. So I'm down with it, Dinesh.
贾里德 你怎么想 Jared, what do you think about this?
我觉得这太疯狂了 I think this is crazy.
我从'互利'辞职来跟你一起工作 理查德 I left my job at Hooli to-- to come work with you, Richard.
而现在你却要走了 And-- and now you're leaving?
听着 这些人会很需要你 Look, these guys, they're gonna need you,
所以如果你想支持我 那就继续支持他们 so if you want to support me, you support them.
你能做到吗 Think you can do that?
我一直都还 I've always been very adept
挺逆来顺受的 at taking the shape of whatever shoe was pressed down upon me,
我可以试着做做看 so I can try to make it work.
那就这么定了 Then it's settled.
迪尼希出人新一届'魔笛手'首席执行官 Dinesh is the new CEO of Pied Piper.
对了 还有件事 Actually, just one last thing.
我建议你们把应用改名叫'魔笛聊' I think you guys should call yourselves PiperChat.
我坚持由我保留'魔笛手'这个名字 I'm gonna have to insist that I keep the name Pied Piper,
这点我绝不退让 and I won't budge on that.
-没问题 -行 随便 - Yeah, it's totally fine. - Okay, yeah.
-行 -随便 那傻逼名字 - That's fine. - Who gives a shit? Terrible fucking name.
开干吧 Let's get to work.
恭喜你们 Congratulations.
等等 所以我不用当首席执行官了是吧 So, wait. I don't have to be CEO, right?
交给迪尼希了吗 Dinesh is going to do that?
好了 来讨论下怎么分吧 All right. Let's figure out how this gets split up.
贾里德 Jared...
去吧 Go.
快去 Go on, man.
快走吧 Get out of here.
迪尼希 你拿五个点 Dinesh, you'll get five percent.
吉尔弗约尔 五个点 Gilfoyle, five percent.
-贾里德 五个点 -行 - Jared, five percent. - Yeah. Okay,
所以大家都拿五个点 不是四 so we all get five, not four.
你...你刚是说四个点吗 Now you said-- you said four?
不 我说五个点 No, five. I said five.
贾里德 能再招五个工程师吗 Jared, can we get five more engineers?
那...那就从贾里德的五个点扣了 That's-- That would come out of Jared's percentage.
不 No.
新型互联网
老大 你找我吗 You wanted to see me, Skipper?
没错 I did indeed.
杰克 我很感激你 Jack, I appreciate everything you've done
身为互利/尾帧盒子负责人所做的一切 in your position as head of the Hooli/Endframe box,
可我觉得 给你升职 but I think the company's needs are better suited
更有利公司发展 if I move you elsewhere.
真的吗 Really?
我很感激你对我的认同 盖总 Well, I appreciate the vote of confidence, GB.
受宠若惊 I'm flattered.
老实说 还有点惊讶 Frankly, little bit surprised.
有什么好惊讶的 Why would you be surprised?
你说说看我有什么理由不升你职呢 Can you think of any reason why you don't deserve a promotion?
随便说 I mean, anything at all?
我倒不是自吹自擂 I don't want to hurt my arm patting myself on the back,
可我也有想到... but... right off the top of my head...
没 没有理由 No, I guess not.
你向来对我都是有话直说的对吧 I mean, you've always been straight with me, right?
直达目的地 Straight to the point.
当然 I sure have.
你也向来对我都是尽心尽力的对吧 And you've always gone out of your way for me, yes?
把我放第一位 宁愿自己绕弯路 Always put me first? Gone the extra mile?
天啊 那是当然 Gosh... I sure tried.
是吗 Did you?
好了 杰克 All right, Jack.
教授 人事的加里会给你安排好的 Professor. Gary in HR will set you up.
好好享受你的新办公室吧 Enjoy your new offices.
谢谢老大 Thank you, sir.
来看下你的办公位吧 Would you like to see your desk?
好 Okay.
杰克·巴克
就这儿 Here it is.
你的办公位 This is your desk.