笑死我了 理查德 That's a good one, Richard.
不过说真的 有何贵干啊 No, but seriously, what brings you in today?
别笑 我... 我认真的 想做个... 性病检查 No, I am... I am serious. I would like a... an STD check.
怎么 你的阴茎蹭到马桶座了吗 What, did you graze your penis against a toilet seat?
不是 我... 做了 No. I... I had sex.
-跟啥做了 -女的 - Sex with what? - Female.
母的啥 A female what?
女人啊 A female human.
我跟那女的也不熟 And I-I don't know this woman very well
也没戴套 and we didn't use a condom.
哎呀 理查德 没啥担心的 Now, listen, Richard, I wouldn't worry so much.
现代人都不怎么得性病了 People don't really get STDs anymore.
检查结果过几天出 We'll get your tests back soon,
我一般会叫你这段时间暂停性行为 and I would tell you not to have sex before then,
不过说实话... but let's face it...
闪电不可能劈中你两次吧 Lightning ain't gonna strike twice, is it?
有可能 It's possible.
没可能 No.
有点奇怪啊 Hey, here's something strange.
你能不能去秤上站一下 Would you mind hopping up on that scale for a sec?
为啥 我长胖了吗 Okay, why? Am I gaining weight?
我这段累成狗 吃的又跟屎一样 I have been working like crazy, eating like crap.
更没锻炼 真的 所以... I haven't been exercising at all, really, so...
对了 你看 Yeah, look at that.
你比去年这时候矮了2.54厘米 You are an inch shorter than you were this time last year.
你缩水了 朋友 You're shrinking, my friend.
怎么可能 How is that possible?
你刚才也说了 因为生活习惯不好呗 Well, you just told me. It's your unhealthy lifestyle, Richard.
骨密度受损流失了 It's a loss of mineral bone density.
-那咋办 -我给你开点钙片啥的 - So, what do I do? - I'm gonna put you on calcium supplements,
三个礼拜后再来一次 and I'm gonna have you come back in about three weeks.
到时见... 缩水版的你 I'll see you then... or whatever's left of you.
埃利希 好消息 So, Erlich, good news
基南·菲茨巴签了投资意向书 Keenan Feldspar signed his term sheet,
我们在跟他正式商谈合约细节 and we are now officially negotiating the finer points of his deal.
美得很 现在能干正事了 Fantastic! Well, now the real work begins.
说到这儿 咱们把你的事说清楚 To that end, we would like to clarify our arrangement with you.
这份中介佣金很丰厚 We feel that a generous finder's fee
应该足够让你满意 will be more than satisfactory.
会议结束 This meeting is over.
给的是挺多 可我... 我还以为 This is very generous, but I... I was under the impression
你们打算聘我 that, I was going to be hired here,
我都对外宣称我被聘了 and I've actually told quite a few people that I was hired,
要没被聘 岂不像被开除了一样 so if I wasn't, then it would look like I was fired.
没事 That is fine.
等下 劳芮... No. Laurie...
我不能让你们重蹈覆辙 I will not allow you to make the same mistake
Palantir: 硅谷顶尖的创业创新平台 Zenefits: 著名初创公司, 面向中小型企业提供HR一站式服务 像优步 Palantir Zenefits that Uber, Palantir, Zenefits,
还有 我早年面试的"小辣椒"[墨西哥快餐店] and, in my earlier years, Chipotle
那样犯不聘我的错 made by not hiring me.
算了 不聘我也行 All right, don't hire me.
不过可否把这个中介佣金分52期 But can you hack this finder's fee into 52 installments,
来年按周发给我呢 paid weekly over the course of the next year?
像... 发工资那样 You mean... a salary?
你说的哦 我可没说 Those are your words, not mine.
中介佣金 再加... The finder's fee and...
一万 求你走吧 10,000 to go away?
那啥 看看布瑞姆-霍尔 You know, looking around at Bream-Hall,
有太多一样的... 相同的性别 I see a lot of the same... the same gender.
不就是俩合伙人恰好是女的嘛 埃利希 Both partners happen to be female, Erlich.
眼真尖 你想说什么 Great catch. What's your point?
风投界如今性别失衡太严重 There is a grotesque gender imbalance in the VC field right now.
我能帮忙引走正在侵害女性天地的 I can help you navigate the toxicity of this male culture
大男子主义毒素 which is encroaching on our feminist island.
举个例子 有种说法叫"男性说教" I mean, for instance, there's something called mansplaining?
-听过没 -我们知道什么是男性说教 - Have you heard about this? - We know what mansplaining is.
"男性说教"就是男人不停地 Mansplaining is when a man will condescendingly explain
跟女人解释她知道的东西[打脸ing] something to a woman that she already knows.
巴克曼先生 我们还有事要做 Mr. Bachman, we have work to do.
好 劳芮... All right. Laurie...
要是能留下 佣金我只要一半 half the finder's fee for me to stay.
你可能再找不到一个... I don't think that you'll find an associate...
我这么质优价廉的合伙人了 with my track record at a better price.
最后报价 要还是不要 It's my final offer. Take it or leave it.
我真的需要 I need this.
好吧 周一来上班 Fine. You may start Monday.
好 这周一吗 Okay. This Monday?
没问题 当然的事 That's fine. Of course.
那是啥 What's that?
索尼克防火墙 索尼克路由器... SonicWall, SonicPoint ACE...
还有TZ600解调器[装B开始] paired with the TZ600.
最高级防火墙设备 Top-of-the-line firewall protection,
内置入侵防护 SSL解密和检测 built-in intrusion prevention, SSL decryption and inspection,
还有应用管理和内容过滤功能 application control, and content filtering.
说新路由器不更简洁吗 Saying new router would be so much quicker.
迪内希 虽然你把爱的行为演绎得低俗拙劣 Dinesh, the one good thing that came out of you slapping your body
可你"干掉"那个网络恐怖分子带来的好处 against that cyberterrorist in a vulgar parody of the act of love
就是咱们总算有了真正安全的网络 is that we finally have a network with real security value.
咱们用得着吗 米娅在联邦监狱服刑呢 Why would we need it? Mia is in a federal facility
又不能上网 with no access to the Internet.
说得好像她对黑掉联邦设施没啥兴趣一样 Right, and she has never shown a proclivity for getting around infrastructure.
你们看见了吗 才上线两周 Did you see this? We've only been live for two weeks,
咱就进了互利应用商店前500位 and we just cracked the top 500 in the Hooli app store.
厉害了 499位 Look at that. Ranked 499.
实用工具[分组]里的 Of utilities.
对 移动应用分组下 存储应用分组 Yeah, subgroup mobile, subgroup storage.
话说回来 咱现在好歹进了互利手机应用前三千 True, but overall, we're firmly in the top 30,000 Hooli phone apps.
虽说 现在还不是很火 I mean, we may not be a global epidemic yet,
不过... 我们从蝙蝠唾液跳向人类了[什么囧梗] but... we've leapt from bat saliva to humans
而且... 已经毒死了第一批乡民 and... and we've just killed our first few villagers.
这是热的 这也是热的 This warm. This warm.
这还是热的 This warm.
-热的 -朕知道了 杨靖 - This warm. - I get it, Jian-Yang!
不就冰箱坏了嘛 The refrigerator is broken.
冰激凌都化了 The ice cream is melting.
依寡人之见 也是热得吧 Let me guess. Is it because it's warm?
-对 -行 我找修理工来 - Yes. - Fine,I'll call the repairman,
他可以马上修好 and he'll come here and fix it posthaste.
不 我要新的 No, I want a new fridge,
更智能的冰箱... a smarter fridge...
这样的 like this.
一万四买个智能冰箱 Fourteen thousand dollars for a smart fridge?
寡人还要糊口 没法跟你比 Unlike you, I now work for a living.
花那么多钱买冰箱太奢侈 I'm not gonna drop that kind of dough on a fridge.
我买好了 自己用 I ordered it already. I buy it for myself.
那你跟我说个卵 Then why are you talking to me about it?
恶心你一下 To make you feel bad,
因为你现在又肥又穷 because you are fat and poor.
-我是埃利希 -巴克曼 我艾德·陈 - Go for Erlich. - Bachman! E. Chen.
收到你短信了 Got your message.
去布瑞姆-霍尔了 Bream-Hall?
对 今天开始 Yes, starting today.
希望不影响咱俩关系 I hope that this doesn't create any tension between us,
毕竟是竞争对手了 us now being competitors and all.
没这事儿 Hey. None-zo.
正好跟你说 我几个朋友 Hey, while I have you, some of the boys are part
是勇士队[NBA]后台公司的小股东 of the ownership group of the Warriors.
我们多了个甲骨文球馆的位 你喜欢篮球不 We have an extra spot on the floor at Oracle Arena. You a hoops guy?
对不起 信号不好 能不能再说一遍 Oops, sorry, you broke up. Could you, could you say that again?
我们在甲骨文球馆多了个位 We have an extra spot on the floor tonight at Oracle Arena.
你喜欢篮球不 You a hoops guy?
哪个干风投的热血美男不喜欢 What red-blooded American male in the VC boys' club isn't?
那好 我短信发你信息 Okay. Cool. I'll text you the deets.
回头见 Later, man.
筒子们 寡人进风投界才一天 Well, boys, I've been in the VC game for just one day,
就有人送我勇士队的票了 and already I have floor seats to watch the Warriors.
你不是讨厌篮球吗 But you hate basketball.
和你们这群麻杆一样的编程器 I'll concede that spending all my time
在一个屋里成日厮混 inside of a house with you scrawny code jockeys,
严重缩水的亨德里克斯 the Incredible Shrinking Hendricks,
特么不知道干嘛的杰瑞德... and whatever the fuck Jared is here...
朕承认自己雄风略钝 ...may have blunted my conventional masculinity a hair,
但镇住场面不在话下 but it's always been there.
搞张跟史蒂芬·库里的合影呗 Well, try and get a selfie with Steph Curry.
她人在的话就行[以为库里是女的] I will, assuming she's there.
杰瑞德 来看这个邮件 Hey, Jared, look at this e-mail here.
"亲爱的理查德 近日获知你们的应用'空间节省大师'" "Dear Richard, I recently became aware of your Space Saver app."
"你的应用可能侵犯了我的专利技术 "I think your app may infringe upon my own patented technology.
"如果得闲 请与我尽快商谈此事 "If your schedule permits, I would love to discuss this with you as soon as possible.
斯图尔特·伯克敬致" Sincerely, Stewart Burke."
我还以为搞定了专利 所有权归咱们的吧 I thought we handled that patent stuff. We own it, right?
我... 我会回他一封霸气侧漏的警告信 Yeah. I'll... I'll send him a harshly worded cease-and-desist letter.
其实... Actually...
他的工作地址是山景城的某栋房 his work address is some house in Mountain View.
可能大家是同路人 都只是刚起步 He's probably just working out of his garage, just like us.
不如我直接去找他 谈谈应用的事 Why don't I go over there, walk him through the app,
来场"猿猿"对话 效果肯定不错 you know, coder to coder. I'm sure it'll be fine.
你心可真大 You've got a big heart.
可能看上去很大而已 因为他其它部分都在缩水 Or maybe it just seems big 'cause the rest of him is shrinking.
你好 我是理查德·亨德里克斯 我们通过邮件 Hi. Richard Hendricks. We exchanged e-mails?
-没通过 -你... 你是斯图尔特·伯克吗 -No. -Are... are you Stewart Burke?
-不是 -抱歉 斯图尔特·伯克住这儿吗 -No. -I'm sorry. Does Stewart Burke live here?
对 Yeah.
那就好 他在吗 我能见他吗 Okay. Is he in? Can I speak with him?
爷爷 有人找 Grandpa! Some guy's here!
我孙子是软件高手 My grandson is the software expert.
我呢 电脑和面包机都分不清 I couldn't tell a computer from a toaster.
这么说 你不是程序猿 So, you're not a coder?
当然不是 我是律师 No, not at all. I am an attorney.
在医疗领域做起来 I started out in the medical field,
后来在汽车行业 再后来去了音乐行业 then in the auto industry, and then the music business.
你帮他们打过官司 Did you represent all these people?
不 我起诉他们 No, I sued them.
你看 那是我跟史蒂维·旺德[著名盲人歌手] Look, that's me with Stevie Wonder.
他没见过这照片 He never saw it coming.
-懂我意思吗 -懂 因为他是盲人 -You get it? -Yes, because he's blind.
没错 Right.
不好意思 不太懂这...有啥关系... I'm sorry. I don't know what this... has to do with...
看到这个没 这是我在版权拍卖会上买的曲子 You see this? This is a song I bought at a copyright auction.
一首墨西哥老歌 It's an old mariachi number
它不仅把拍卖费挣了回来 that had cost me practically nothing
还为我带来两栋房子 and so far has bought me two houses
供我那乡下傻孙子读了六年爱默生学院 and put my village idiot grandson through six years of Emerson.
全是Cancion de Amores挣来的 All that from "Cancion de Amores"?
-这歌流行吗 -不 我只是利用版权 -Was it a popular song? -No. I used the copyright on this song
起诉各类歌词作者 to sue writers of all kinds of songs.
反正他们最后都会妥协 乖乖赔钱 Anyway, the writers usually settle, pay me off,
或把自己歌曲的部分版权转给我 or give me a chunk of their song.
都是"Cancion de Amores"的功劳 Thanks to "Cancion de Amores" here,
我有"卡翠娜与海浪"[英国女子摇滚乐队]"漫步阳光"的10%版权 I now own 10 percent of Katrina and the Waves' "Walking on Sunshine."
经典歌啊 It's a classic!
等到下个月 And when it runs next month
这歌在马自达的"超级碗"新赛场上响起时 钱就来了 on Mazda's new Super Bowl spot, I print money.
可惜值钱的音乐版权都没了 But sadly, all the good music copyrights are gone.
-那真是...太遗憾了 -所以我才转型科技领域 -That is... so sad. -And that's why I moved into tech.
现在 专门起诉你们这种人 And now, I sue people like you.
啥 What?
这么说 他是个专利流氓 So, he's a patent troll?
对 在拍卖会上从失败的初创公司手里 Yep, as like in buy a ton of super-broad IP
买进大量广域知识产权 from failed startups at auction,
再威胁起诉相关侵权者 and then threaten litigation against accused infringers,
比如 你 i.e., you.
伯克索赔多少 So, how much is Burke asking for?
两万美元 Twenty thousand dollars.
他还算客气的 You're getting off easy.
不 你看 他的专利包括... Well, no. Look, his patent covers...
"网络媒体文件储存" "storage of media files on a network."
法律哪追究得过来 I mean, that cannot be enforceable.
可能追不过来... It's probably not...
但想弄清楚 你就得跟他对簿公堂了 but to find out, you're gonna have to fight him in court.
请个优秀的诉讼律师 最起码要... For a good litigator, we're talking at least...
十几万 a couple hundred grand.
就给他两万吧 理查德 Just pay him the 20 grand, Richard.
我能想办法找迈尔切尔搞点钱 I could get creative and take some money out of the Melcher deal.
-这不得了 -不行 我们需要那笔钱 -There you go. -No, we need that money.
这是敲诈 他就是个骗子 This is a shakedown. He's a crook.
正好还赶上应用的进展顺利期 And right when our app was getting off the ground.
所以他才会盯上你 That's how he found you.
-看来他们盯上了应用商店的500强吧 -应该是 Guys just landed on the app store top 500 list, right? -Yeah.
所以 伯克先找排名末尾的应用下手 So, Burke starts at the bottom of those lists
慢慢向上起步 and works his way up.
妥协的人越多 他就越强硬 The more settlements he gets, the stronger his case.
应用排名越高 他诈的钱就越多 The higher you are on the list, the more money he asks for.
就像... 软饼干[某金属说唱乐队] It's like... it's like limp biscuit.
-他也起诉他们了 -不是起诉乐队 -He sued those guys too? -Not the band.
是说乐队名字的由来 The thing the band is named after.
"软饼干"是种兄弟会旧时仪式 Limp biscuit's an old frat ritual,
所有兄弟争着把别人撞向一块饼干 where all the brothers race to stroke one out onto a biscuit,
最后撞到饼干的必须吃掉它 and then the last guy to nut has to eat it.
对 有时候是全麦薄饼 Right. Sometimes it's a Wheat Thin.
小理 我明白 Look, Richie, I get it.
当着整个兄弟会的面 It's embarrassing to pull your pud
把手抽出来会很尴尬 in front of the whole pledge class.
直接给他钱吧 Just pay the guy.
或者... Or...
也许... 一开始就说服整个兄弟会 maybe... we convince the entire pledge class
不玩这个游戏 不就得了 to not play the game at all in the first place.
但愿吧 If only.
这就是新冰箱吧 This must be the new fridge.
喜欢吗 看 还有个屏幕 You like this? Look, it has a screen
能看到里面的所有食物 so you can see all the food that's inside.
就跟那台一样 Kind of like that one?
这台配了应用 This one has an app,
能用手机查看食物 so you can actually watch the food on your phone.
它能制冷老子的啤酒就行 All it needs to do is keep my fucking beer cold.
您的啤酒库存不足 You're running low on beer.
关你屁事 Fuck you.
您是不是忘扫条形码啦 Did you forget to scan that bar code?
没错 我没扫... 故意的 Yes, I did... on purpose.
扫描完成 There we go.
他一直哔哔可够烦的 It's bad enough it has to talk.
它非得加语气词说话吗 像"呃" Does it need fake vocal ticks like, "Eh"?
这样听起来更像人类 Well, it just makes it sound more human.
人类算个屁 这东西解决的是根本不存在的问题 Humans are shit. This thing is addressing problems that don't exist.
是解决主义的最坏诠释 It's solutionism at its worst.
我们在把本该优于人类的机器变成傻瓜 We are dumbing down machines that are inherently superior.
随便你 别忘了你给自己服务器起了个人名 Whatever. You gave your server a human name.
你叫它安东 You named it Anton.
叫归叫 安东可不会瞎叫 Yeah, but Anton doesn't call me anything.
人家工作严肃认真 再次工作之前 He grimly does his work, then he sits motionless
都不会叨逼叨 我们都该向它学习 till it's time to work again. We could all take a page from his book.
这盒酸奶过期了 That yogurt is expired.
瞧见没 小爷我差点受害 See? This could've killed me.
不过我可以送给埃利希 Now I can give it to Erlich.
我不太懂您在做什么 I'm not quite sure what you're doing.
有什么能为阁下效劳 Is there something I can help you with?
有的 怎么特么才能让你闭嘴 Yeah, how do I shut you the fuck up?
看来某人不开心哦 Is somebody having a rough day?
那傻逼还给设置加密了 Did that fucker password-protect the settings?
他的冰箱他做主 His fridge, his rules.
操 Fuck.
伙计 有人给了我一个今晚的席位 My man, I was told I had a spot on the floor tonight,
我是不是来太早了 but it seems that I've committed the cardinal sin of being early.
比赛到底啥时候开始 What time does the game actually start?
快了 It's about to.
等等 他说的"一个席位" Wait. When he said, "a spot on the floor,"
意思是... 场上的位置吗 did he mean... on the floor?
我哪知道你俩咋说的 I wasn't a part of the conversation.
来吧 宝贝 来一个 Come on, baby, come on! Come on, bring it!
这个我可玩不转 I cannot do that.
那边的 你们穿背心打 All right, you guys go shirts.
我们光膀子 We'll go skins.
寡人绝对不能这么玩 And I can definitely not do that.
想都不用想 Will not.
别让他过你了 Don't let him drive on you.
总这样 All day.
埃利希 你来了没 伙计 Yo, Erlich. Where you at, dawg?
喂 怎样 怎样 怎样 Yo, what up, what up, what up?
某个小贱货在我油箱里放糖了 Which one of you pussies, put sugar in my gas tank
不然你肯定被我按在地板上摩擦 to prevent me from housing you on the hardwood?
-什么鬼 -我的车启动不了 - What? - Yeah, my car won't start.
真特么操蛋 It's a real fucked situation,
可能我要错过这个千载难逢的机会... so I guess I'll have to miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to...
我们每周二打球 We play every Tuesday.
那下周见咯 哥们 I'll see you next week, bro-seph.
我上场 换我上... Hey, let me get in. Let me get in...
前端漏洞我修好了 Hey, I squished those front-end bugs.
-你网络弄好没 -没 - Did you finish your networking issue? - Nope.
对不起 密码错误 I'm sorry. Wrong password.
你就坐这儿使劲破杨靖的密码 You're sitting here, trying to hack Jian-Yang's password
不好好工作 instead of doing your actual work?
字母和数字混合的10位密码 加油 Well, good luck, it's a 10-digit alphanumeric.
10位啊 妈蛋 Ten digit? Fuck.
你的本子还动力不足 And you have one underpowered laptop,
所以要拿到密码 你还得花... so you know, you should have the answer in...
九千年 9,000 years.
是时候出绝招了 Time to pull out the big gun.
因为那个网络故障... Well, maybe you should pull out the bug gun...
你应该出"漏招" 'cause of the network bug.
那个漏洞才是你要修的 As in the bug you're supposed to be fixing.
你这机器要是有幽默感 肯定会笑 If you were programmed to have a good sense of humor, you'd laugh at that.
对不起 冰箱没有"好心情"牌雪糕 I'm sorry. I didn't see any Good Humor ice cream bars.
-要加入您的购物清单吗 -不错 好 - Shall I add them to your shopping list? - You know what? Yeah.
"好心情"牌雪糕 Good Humor ice cream bars
-已加入购物清单 -不会吧 - added to your shopping list. - Come on.
天呐 难以置信 我... 还没打通电话 God. You believe this? I'm... I'm still on hold.
-打给谁 -微软企业云 - With? - Microsoft Azure.
我... 我想争取低点的云端储存率 Yeah, I... I'm trying to negotiate a lower cloud storage rate
我们可能会用到 或者真要用的时候 because we're gonna need it if, or more realistically when,
理查德决定把钱给那个专利流氓 Richard finally decides to pay that patent troll.
还不接我电话 I mean, I'm still on hold.
他们好像根本不在乎小企业 It's like they don't even care about small businesses.
杰瑞德 他们确实无视小企业[现实黑] Jared, they don't care about small businesses.
所以小企业不得不撒谎 That's why small businesses have to lie.
就像 谷歌的第一栋房子叫"40号大楼" Like, Google named their first building Building 40,
别人会觉得这是家大公司 so that people would think they were already huge.
我在创业之初 When I worked at my first startup,
会假装把电话转给"我领导"接听 I would transfer people to "my supervisor,"
然后再对着电话自己说 and then I'd just get back on the phone myself.
你好 Yeah, hello.
不行 我不能等了 No, no, I'm not gonna go on hold again.
我能把电话转给我领导说吗 In fact, could I transfer you to my supervisor?
别介别介 我会搞砸的 No, no, no, I have to take a shit.
就... 用艾德·陈的语气说 Just...do your best Ed Chen impression.
请稍等 One moment please.
你好 我是艾德·陈... 钱伯斯 What's up? You got Ed Ch... Chambers.
你们好 感谢大家出席 Hello, everybody. Thanks again for making it.
谢谢格斯召集会议 And thanks to Gus of Gigglybots for hosting.
-小意思 -我叫理查德·亨德里克斯 - No problem. - My name is, Richard Hendricks,
来自魔笛手公司 of Pied Piper.
你就是和加文·贝尔森合作的人 You're the guys working for Gavin Belson.
和加文·贝尔森合作过 没错 Was working with Gavin Belson, yeah.
-他不来吗 -不 不来 - So, he's not coming? - No. No, not at all.
但我想让大家知道 就算没加文·贝尔森 But I'll have you all know that without any involvement from Gavin Belson,
魔笛手 跟你们公司一样 Pied Piper, just like yourselves,
也荣登互利应用500强排行 has reached the Hooli app store's top 500 list,
你们知道 and you guys are aware
你们排名刚好在我们前面 that you are all directly above us on the list,
所以你们该知道 有个专利流氓 which is why you should know that a patent troll
叫斯图尔特·伯克的 最近要我 named Stewart Burke has recently demanded
付两万块的专利授权费 that I pay a $20,000 licensing fee,
要是我给了 你们就是下一个冤大头 and if I pay, he's gonna come and ask you guys for more money.
他先找小公司下手 He starts with the little guy.
不是说我小 我... 我不矮 Not that I'm little. I'm... I mean I'm not.
我其实... I'm actually...
高于平均水平 above average height.
这事发封邮件不就能说清了吗 Isn't this something that could have been done over e-mail?
我猜 不过... 是这样 I mean, I guess, but... look.
要是我们不阻止他 他就会没完没了地要钱 If we don't stop this guy, he's gonna just keep asking for more and more money
直到有人出不起钱 until someone is stuck with an unpayable bill.
这跟以前一种兄弟会游戏有点像 It's kind of like that old fraternity game,
"软饼干" the limp biscuit.
不好意思 我没参加过兄弟会 什么来的 Sorry, I wasn't in a fraternity. What is that?
我... 不必详细说... I... I don't think we need to get into...
大家站成一圈自撸 把精液射到一块饼干上 It's where guys stand in a circle and masturbate onto a cracker.
最后完成的人... 吃饼干 And then the last guy... eats it.
什么 What?
-再说一次 我... - Again, I... again...
不知道他干嘛提这个 超恶心 I don't really know why he would mention that. It's super gross.
-所以加文·贝尔森才不跟你合作了吧 -不是 - Is this why Gavin Belson stopped working with you? -No.
重点是这个 The important thing is here,
我的律师起草了合作协约 my lawyer has actually drafted a partnership agreement.
你们自己看吧... 只要 Why don't you all just... Essentially,
团结起来 各出两万 we all band together and each contribute $20,000.
就有足够的钱 We should have more than enough money
挑战这个专利流氓 to mount a challenge against this guy's patent.
要是我们赢了 就能解除专利 And if we win, we dissolve the patent,
这样 他就不能再害人 so that he can't do this to anyone else ever again.
因为 到最后 Because in the end,
应该是这个叫斯图尔特·伯克的专利流氓 shouldn't it be Mr. Stewart Burke, the patent troll,
最后吃"饼干"吧 who is forced to eat the biscuit?
这么做肯定算性侵犯了 I'm pretty sure that's sexual assault.
对 谁都不该受这种惩罚 Yeah, no one deserves that.
我懂 那... 我就这么一说 I know. That... that's all I'm saying.
我确定那个是编的 Look, I'm pretty sure it's even made up.
跟"驴拳"差不多 Like, you know, like a donkey punch, you know?
什么是 "驴拳" Again, what is a donkey punch?
-就是 有人在... -别 别说 - It's, when guys... - Just don't. Don't.
吉哥哥 你现在忙不忙 G-man, you busy at the moment?
很忙 我要把安东 Very. I'm about to set Anton loose
从那台叨逼叨的冰箱里拆出来 on that talking chrome beer coozy.
想不想 休息一下... So, care to take a breather and...
帮小弟在车库上装个篮球框 help a pal throw a basketball hoop on the old garage?
你干嘛找我这种麻杆儿程序猿帮忙 Why would you need help from a scrawny code jockey such as myself?
好吧 Fine.
朕完全可以自己来 I'm perfectly capable of figuring it out myself.
只需要... All I need is...
能借把锤子吗 钉这些小钉子 May I borrow this hammer to pound in these flamboyant little nails?
-那是螺丝 -没错 朕... - Those are screws. - Yeah, no, I...
杰瑞德·邓恩 稍等 我帮你转接 Jared Dunn. Yep, just a moment, please. I'll transfer you.
我是钱伯斯 Go for Chambers.
内德 我就知道是你 Ned! I knew it was you.
那个娘娘腔杰瑞德让你久等了吧 Hey, did that pussy Jared keep you on hold long?
我天天蹭这混蛋的午饭吃 I eat that motherfucker's lunch every day.
不是 就是吃东西 找我干嘛 No, man, I literally eat his food. What do you want?
不可能 Ain't gonna happen.
那是我们的上限了 只能下次了 That's as high as we go, homo. Till next time, rook.
看到了吗 I mean, did you see that?
-他真厉害 -谁啊 - He's amazing. - Who?
艾德·钱伯斯 他让魔笛手在微软云拿下很高的云储存率 Ed Chambers. He got Pied Piper a great cloud storage rate from Azure,
他还有门道搞到几罐柚子味的LaCroix苏打水 and he's got the hookup on a couple of pallets of pamplemousse LaCroix
用他的话说 价格低得不可思议 at, his words, an amaze-balls price.
好样的 杰瑞德 Good job, Jared.
别恭喜我 恭喜艾德·钱伯斯吧 Well, I mean, don't congratulate me. Congratulate Ed Chambers.
-不就是你嘛 -我也想 但是... - Ed Chambers is you. - Well, I wish, but...
各位 你们都说不可能 Gentlemen. You all said that it couldn't be done,
但似乎"小巨人"理查德 but it appears as if Sir Richard the Not-Short
现在干掉了卑鄙流氓 hath now slain the slimy troll.
斯图·伯克 理·亨德里克斯 Stu Burke. R. Hendricks.
听说你打了电话 你跟我律师谈过了吧 I got word that you called. I assume you spoke with my attorney,
罗恩·拉冯 Monsieur Ron Laflamme?
我是跟罗恩·拉冯通过电话 Yes, I did speak to Ron Laflamme.
怎么着 他跟你说什么了 What, pray tell, did he tell you when he called you?
其实 是我打给他的 Well, I called him, actually,
我告诉他那8家你拉来对抗我的公司 to tell him that the eight companies you apparently tried to organize against me
已经抢先跟我和解了 have reached out to me preemptively to settle.
我一高兴 And because I appreciated that,
就给了他们个大好处 I offered them a very, very reasonable rate.
理查德·亨里克斯 去你妈的 So, Richard Hendricks, fuck you.
好吧 行啊 Okay. Yeah.
我了解 I understand.
你确定吗 So, you're firm on that?
回见了您呐 Well, bye then.
-你同盟把我们卖了吧 -是的 - So, your coalition fucked us? - Yes.
所以我们还得出两万 So, now we have to pay the $20,000?
说对一半 因为他... Not exactly. Because he...
斯图说现在八家公司 Stu is saying that since all eight companies
都被授权了那专利 have now licensed the patent,
他起诉的态度更强硬了 he has a stronger case against us,
他想索赔更多的钱 so, he'd actually like m-more money.
-要多少 -30万 - How much? - Three hundred thousand dollars.
那 就只能吃全麦薄饼了 是吗 So, we just ate the Wheat Thin, didn't we?
抱歉 冰箱里没有全麦薄饼 I'm sorry. I didn't see any Wheat Thins.
需要加入购物车吗 Shall I add them to your shopping list?
好 Sure.
但愿迈尔切尔不知道这件事 Well, let's hope that Melcher doesn't hear about all this.
你们不需要开这么多灯吧 You guys don't need all these lights on, do you?
需要的 Yes, we do.
没事 关了死不了 Okay. Well, that should be fine. We should be fine.
你想干嘛 Fine from what?
那台冰箱想负隅顽抗 That fridge is putting up a fight,
我要派安东去会会它 so I'm gonna have to try something with Anton.
所以电压会有点紧张 Might put a little strain on the wiring, that's all.
我就在车库 I'll be in the garage.
理查德 你不会真想上法庭自辩吧 Hey, Richard, but you're not seriously gonna defend yourself in court, right?
拉里·弗林特不就自辩了吗 Well, Larry Flynt did it.
还有沃尔特·雷利爵士[罪名为意图颠覆王位] And Sir Walter Raleigh,
虽然他输了官司 还被砍头示众 although he lost and was publicly beheaded.
不过在历史长河中 他也算是胜利一方 But you could argue that he eventually won in the court of history.
我明白 I get it.
我应该和解的 I should've settled.
但我没有 Okay? And I didn't.
你说的对 基本输定了 And you're right, I will probably lose,
可我不想这么缴械投降 but I'm not going down without a fight.
这有莫纳罕在互利案件里的全部发现 And I've got all of Monahan's discovery from the Hooli case right here,
我并不是手无寸铁 so that's something.
天哪 My God.
我高中时候的笔记 This is from high school.
是我最初构想的魔笛手1.0版 These are all my notes from the original build of Pied Piper 1.0,
我那会儿还只想做个简陋音乐版权搜索... 器 back when it was just some stupid search app for music copyright... s.
慢着 慢着 Hold on. Hold on.
搞什么呢 What the fuck?
不好意思 没事吧 Sorry. Everybody okay?
我哪知道 你神经病啊 I don't know, you fucking maniac!
-没事吧 -大概没事 - Are we? - Probably.
理查德 你... 你干嘛呢 Richard? What... what are you up to?
就快有办法了 About six foot two, Jared.
看来我能手撕那个专利流氓 Looks like I can slay that troll after all.
这啥玩意儿 What am I looking at?
你之前说 你用"Cancion de Amores" Well, you said that you used "Cancion de Amores"
起诉了一些音乐家 to sue musicians,
你声称他们剽窃了这歌 是吧 claimed that they stole that song, right?
还因此获利买了两套房 供杰瑞米读了4年大学 Bought two houses, put Jeremy through four years of college.
是6年 还差20个学分 Six, and he's still 20 credits short.
那他可能要申请助学金了 Okay, well, he may want to consider financial aid,
因为你这首歌 because that little song there
也抄了从前的一首乡村歌曲 was itself stolen from an old country song
叫做"我的眼睛" 括弧"在流泪" called "I'm Cryin'", parentheses "with my eyes"
这首67年的歌比你那首早整整8年 from 1967, a full eight years before "Cancion de Amores."
我猜"卡翠娜与海浪"乐队一定想知道 And I'm pretty sure Katrina and the Waves would want to know
她们的"漫步阳光"被你白分了一杯羹 that they gave you a piece of "Walking on Sunshine" for nothing.
马自达应该很想撤下"超级碗"预告 Mazda may want to pull that whole Super Bowl spot.
-狗屁 -这可不是狗屁 是计算机科学 - Bullshit. - No, no, not bullshit. Computer science.
当然 如果你想 咱们也可以对簿公堂 Yeah, and we can take it to court if you like, see who they believe
看大家是相信由一个惊世奇才发明的 perhaps the most advanced and sophisticated pattern-matching algorithm
无比先进且精密复杂的模式匹配算法 ever devised by a fucking genius
还是相信连史蒂维·旺德都告的老王八蛋 or some old asshole who once sued Stevie Wonder.
够了 你想怎样 你个小鸡巴 All right. What do you want, you little prick?
更正一下 Correction, sir.
是大鸡巴 I am a big prick.
你好 我的朋友 Hello, my cold friend.
在吗 Hello?
快跪舔 杨镜 Suck it, Jian-Yang.
你居然黑了我的冰箱 You attack and destroy my refrigerator?
还拼错我名字 And you misspell my name.
没错 我让安东超了个频 I did. I had to overclock Anton,
不过终于强力破解了后门密码 but I was able to brute-force the backdoor password
半天时间干掉了这个铬合金垃圾 to that chrome piece of shit in under 12 hours.
还顺手加了点视觉效果 And I added a little visual flair.
快跪舔 杨镜 Suck it, Jian-Yang.
-怎么样 -他... 怂了 从头到脚 - So? - So... he bought it. Hook, line and sinker.
他以为匹配算法的结果是真的 Yeah, he thinks the search results are real.
你居然把流氓给骗了 You trolled the troll.
那是 他一开始还不信 Yeah, yeah, for a second there, he wasn't buying it,
我就胡诌各种技术规格 and then I just started babbling on about tech specs
直到他眼神涣散 until his eyes glazed over.
我们的战利品是 Well, as a result, we now have
一份永久免除使用费的专利 a perpetual royalty-free license for the patent.
-棒 -看吧 我坚守原则 - Yes! - See? I stuck to my guns and as a result,
让公司免了两万块损失 we now have 20 grand we would have otherwise lost
要是我听你这小笨蛋说的去和解 if I had listened to you delicate little snowflakes and settled.
那可要大出血了 Yeah? Twenty grand.
哥来射一桶给你们畅饮吧 Yeah, so let me cum into a bucket and have you all drink it.
理查德 能借一步... 说话吗 Richard? Could I have a... a moment?
对不起 Sorry about that.
我... 我一说出口就后悔了 I-I-I... I regretted it the second it came out of my mouth.
其实 不是因为这个... Richard. Well, yes, but...
-给你 -这啥 - Here. - What's this?
罗恩·拉冯寄来的账单 That is a bill from Ron Laflamme
是公司结盟的手续费 for the paperwork he had to do to put your coalition of companies together.
两万二吗 Twenty-two thousand dollars?
收费标准的确比较"高端" Yeah. It's at the high end of standard.
早知今日 不如当初直接... So, it would've cost us slightly less if we'd have just...
破财消灾吗 也许可以 Paid the troll? Well, that's true,
可尊严是无价的 but can you put a price on dignity?
显然现在有了 Apparently, I just did.
帮我个忙 这事别告诉他们 Do me a favor and don't tell the guys.
放心 我一定守口如瓶 Yeah. You have my utmost discretion. Thank you.
对了 有件事我得告诉你 Speaking of, Richard, I need to tell you something.
我把艾德·钱伯斯开除了 I had to let Ed Chambers go.
-谁 -我的虚拟领导 - Who? - My fictional supervisor.
他跟LaCroix业务员吹牛说这事告诉了索尼娅·索托马约尔[美国最高法院法官] He bragged to a sales rep at LaCroix about doing it to Sonia Sotomayor,
我不得不解雇了他 so Ed is no longer with us.
我们肯定能撑得住 I'm sure we can manage.
反正他也没跟我们共事过 He also was never actually with us.
-他又不是真实存在的 -眼不见心不烦 - 'Cause he was never real. - Out of sight, out of mind.
-这世界没这个人 -好吧 - And out of reality. - Yeah, well.
再见了 艾德·钱伯斯 Well, Ed Chambers.
别按... 别 别 别 Don't hit... No, no, no, no!!
操 Fuck!
这些人里有很多没气度的 Yeah, a lot of these guys aren't man enough
不敢在全女性领导的风投公司工作 但不包括我 to work for an all-female led VC firm, but not me.
我坚信 未来属于女性 I believe that the future is female.
不服气的只配舔我大屌 And anyone who says otherwise can suck my fat dick.
巴克曼 改记分板 Bachman, scoreboard.
记分板 靠 忘了 Scoreboard. Fuck. Shit.
刚刚谁进了那个... Who made that one through the...
三分啊 傻逼 It was a three-pointer, dumbass!
什么三分 我们在欧洲吗[吐槽欧洲人的英语?] Three-pointer? What, are we in Europe?
传球 Pass!
他是在耍我吗 Is he fucking with me?