简阳 你是在 Jian-Yang, are-- are you copying
把那些公司复制到中国市场去吗 all those companies for the Chinese markets?
没 Oh, no.
《硅谷》 前情回顾
你是说 Are you suggesting that
我们的员工一直在泄露信息给盖文·贝尔森吗 someone in here is leaking info to Gavin Belson?
跟我说说冰箱的事吧 Tell me about these... fridges.
这是公司的机密 It's a company secret.
你们到底想不想省一笔钱 Do you want to save a fortune, or not?
当然 Well, yes.
作为交换条件 我需要你们帮我做些事 In exchange, I need you to do something for me,
选择用户 简阳 登入失败
处理一下那些黑入你们冰箱的人 with regard to the people who hacked your refrigerators.
我要毁掉他们的人生 I'm going to destroy their lives.
贾里德 你觉得我们该雇个首席运营官了吗 Jared, do you think it's... time we hire a COO?
你比标准体重轻了十几二十斤 You're 20-30 pounds underweight.
不用再为他烦心了 Don't worry about him.
我们会为你找一位好百倍的首席运营官 We're gonna find you a much better COO.
你想要这工作吗 You want the job?
贾里德 好了 没事 Jared... Ugh. All right.
谢谢大家的到来 Okay, everybody, um, thanks for coming.
抱歉选了这么个地方 Uh, sorry about the venue.
我们的安保出了点小问题 We had a minor security issue.
我不是很想 I didn't feel comfortable
在我们的办公室里...接待你们 hosting you guys at-- at our offices.
不过至少在这里 But, hey, at least out here,
我们不会 we don't run the risk
撞到什么技术行业的人 of running into anyone from the tech industry.
是啊 他们都好老 Yeah, they're all so old.
但他们看起来好开心 But they look so happy.
很奇怪 It's weird.
我也无法理解 I don't understand it either.
不管怎么说 我希望你们能见个面 Anyway, I wanted you guys to meet,
因为你们不仅是一群 because despite being a very diverse
非常年轻有天赋有个性的网站开发人员 and talented group of young web developers--
程上序下 社交编码平台 Goodscape, huh? Social coding platform.
索里欧 数据分析公司 Tholio, analytics firm.
新生源 音乐流媒体 Plucky, music streaming.
一见钟情 交友网站 FirstSight, dating site.
同性恋交友网站 Gay dating site.
严格来说是个交友网站 Okay, technically, you're a dating site,
不过具体讲是面向同性恋的 but specifically, a gay one.
这只是个子集 所以我没说错 Which is a subset, so I'm not wrong.
不管怎么说 尽管我们各有不同 Anyway, uh, despite all our differences,
我们都有一个共同点 we all have one thing in common, right?
你们都和我签署了协议 A signed agreement with me
开发并将你们的网站 to build and launch your websites,
发布在未来的新网络上 not on the tired, bloated, old web,
而不是陈旧冗杂的旧网络 but on the new Internet of the future.
我们的未来就是魔笛网 The Pipernet.
所以从今天起 Which is why, from this day forward,
我要将你们八个人称为 I'm going to be naming the eight of you...
八笛手 the OctoPipers.
直到想出更好的名字 目前待定 Until something better, TBD.
那我们什么时候能公布 So when can we tell people?
很快 事实上 非常快 Soon! Actually, very soon.
下周二 盖文·贝尔森会 Uh, next Tuesday, Gavin Belson is, uh...
发布他的盒子三代 launching his Box Three.
在那前一天 So, um, the day before,
我们要宣布和你们的合作关系 we are going to announce our partnerships with you all,
给他致命一击 and beat him to the punch.
我去 他会气炸的 Shit. He's gonna be super pissed.
他绝对不会放过我们 He's really gonna come after us.
没错 就是要爆得他菊开肉绽 Yeah, he is, but fuck him.
不是指真的爆他菊 Not butt fuck him.
-只是... -你不用解释 - Just... - You don't have to explain
那种事 我明白你的意思 that kinda stuff. I-I know what you mean.
我知道 听着 Yeah, I know. Look-- look.
只要我们凝聚一心 As long as we stick together,
相互支持 我们就能击垮他 and support each other, we can crush him.
因为我们正在开创新的时代 Because what we are doing is amazing, okay?
我们在创建世上第一个真正开放 We are building the world's first truly open,
真正非集中式的因特网 truly free de-centralized Internet.
我告诉你们 我要让你们先睹为快 And I tell you what, I got a sneak preview for you guys, okay?
因为今天早上 Because as of this morning,
-短信功能已经上线了 -什么 - messaging is live. - What!
真厉害 Cool.
真的吗 真棒 Really? So cool!
那么 So...
现在 我要给你们发送 right now, I will send to you all
第一条通过 the very first message
去中心化点对点网络发送的信息 ever to be sent on a de-centralized, peer-to-peer Internet.
准备好了吗 Ready?
"撩俏" "Hit her."
撩俏
我没懂 你是说我吗 I don't get it. Are you talking about me?
我是想发"你好" I meant to say "Hi there."
这写的绝对是"撩俏" Well, it definitely says "Hit her."
我再试试 新发了一条 I'll try it again. There's a new one.
好了 "你好" There. "Hi there."
"你好 希特勒" "Hi there, Hitler."
该死 Goddammit.
理查德 Hey, Richard?
你不介意我们做的 You don't have any issue with us
是针对同性恋的交友网站吧 being an exclusively gay site, do you?
什么 不介意 What? No!
不 这...完全没问题 No, it's-- it's totally cool.
等等 不 我不是指你反同性恋 Oh! Wait a minute, no, I don't mean you are anti-gay.
我是另一个意思 你会不会担心 I mean the opposite. Like, are you worried
我们是在排挤异性恋 that we're excluding straight people?
我记得你说过 Oh. I just remember you said,
你希望你的新网络对所有人开放 you want your new Internet to be open for everybody,
我只是想 and, you know, I just want
确保我们的想法是一致的 to make sure we're jibing with your vision.
迪蒂 我们很高兴能有你加入 Deedee, we are psyched to have you aboard.
想排挤异性恋就排挤吧 Exclude all the straight people you want.
-你确定吗 -没错 - You sure? - Yep.
因为我们真没觉得同性恋就比别人强 Because we're not snobs about it.
悄悄告诉你 I mean, between you and me,
我的生活超无聊 I'm dreadfully boring.
我说不定都是个异性恋 I might as well be straight myself.
我和一个男人一起七年了 I've been with the same man for seven years.
我每周日都会去教堂 I go to church every Sunday.
听着 没事 Look, it-- it's all good.
一见钟情是一个同性恋交友网站 FirstSight is a gay dating site.
我...我会骄傲地向世人宣布 And-- and I will sing it from the rooftops.
谢谢你 理查德 Alright, well, thank you, Richard.
-我觉得我们的合作会很成功 -好 - I think this is gonna be great. - Cool.
好吧 Okay.
-别觉得尴尬 -我没想到要抱一下 - Don't be weird. - I didn't know what we'd be doing.
那么... So...
大家都很激动 everybody is very psyched.
你知道还有谁很激动吗 给你个提示 You know who else is psyched? I'll give you a hint.
他们有四个大拇指 就是你面前这两位 They have four thumbs, and they are these two guys.
-我很兴奋 -我心跳都要爆表了 - I am very excited. - I am giddy!
好吧 怎...怎么了 Okay, what-- what happened?
我们找到内鬼了 We found the mole.
-什么 -没错 - What? - Yeah.
谁 怎么找到的 Who? How?
用老套的警察取证手段 Good old-fashioned police work.
我查看了员工发送的四万封邮件 I skimmed through all 40,000 of the staff's outgoing emails.
-然后呢 -我发现 - Yeah? - And in addition to learning
我们需要修改员工约会政策 that we need to revise the office dating policy,
因为淫乱程度都赶上奥运村了 because it is, essentially, the Olympic Village out there,
同时我了解到有人在发送 I learned that someone has been sending
大量加密信息 a number of encrypted messages
但用了吉尔弗约尔黑入国家安全局的程序 but using Gilfoyle's purloined NSA tools--
我不能一直保持这笑容 贾里德 说重点 I can't hold this smile forever, Jared. Get to the good stuff.
我们有一名程序员一直在 One of our coders has been sending info
直接给互利最高指挥部发送讯息 straight to Hooli High Command.
这内鬼是他妈怎么得到这些信息的 How the fuck did the mole get all this information?
通过利用我们最明显的弱点 By exploiting our most glaring weakness.
*你当时在鸡尾酒酒吧当服务员* *You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar*
*当我遇到杰夫时* *When I met Jeff*
硅谷 第五季第四集
不不不 你们都搞错了 No, no, no. You guys have it all wrong.
好吗 杰夫不可能是内鬼 Okay? There's no way Jeff is the mole.
好吗 不是杰夫 Okay? It's not Jeff.
对吧 杰夫 Right, Jeff?
杰夫 Jeff?
那体育酒吧呢 杰夫 What about Dave & Buster's, Jeff?
还有我在雪球机上正中靶心 What about that time I got a bullseye in Skee-Ball
大喊"气死你"那次 and yelled out, "Bazinga!"
你说"好吧" And you said, "Okay."
你不可能装得出那种热情 You can't fake enthusiasm like that.
好吧 我确实是装的 Well, I did.
你这个叛徒 You Judas.
你个不知感恩的胆小鬼 You cow-handed poltroon!
我们 我们以为你是仙人下凡 We-- We thought you were a Stallion!
你根本不是仙人 You're no Stallion.
你们老喜欢叫别人是下凡的仙人是什么意思 What is it with you guys and stallions?
你他妈当叛徒又是怎么回事 What's with you being a rat fuck?
你签过一份非常严格的保密协议 You signed a very aggressive Non-Disclosure Agreement...
你已经违约了 which you are in breach of,
这就是说我们可以开除你 毫无疑问 which means, we can fire you, obviously,
然后你会被逮捕 进监狱 and then have you arrested, and thrown in jail.
但那样盖文就会知道我们抓到你了 But Gavin would then know we are on to you,
所以我们这么办 so here's the deal.
你每天都得照常来上班 You're gonna come into the office every day,
坐在你那该死的工位上 and sit down at your fucking workstation,
假装什么问题都没有 and pretend like nothing's wrong.
好吧 Fine.
那是我的 Uh, that was mine.
糟糕 Bummer.
"讽刺的是 互联网 我们都用它来 "The irony is, the Internet, which we all use
搜索成千上万的东西 to search for billions of things,
而互联网自己却一直在寻求一个港湾 has itself long been searching for something.
就是它" And here it is."
好了 然后我转身摆造型 Okay, then I turn and gesture.
"盒子三 "The Box Three.
签名版" Signature Edition."
然后我回来讲台这儿 Then I come back to the podium.
"我把我的名字放在这上面 "I put my name on this,
因为我个人强烈推荐 因为它 because I personally stand behind
兼容所有SAS/SSD/NVMe硬盘 the new SAS-slash SSD-slash-NVMe drive bays,
拥有24核处理器 the 24-core processors.
兼容所有ECC/DDR4/SD-RAM/LR-DIMM闪存 I stand behind the ECC DDR4 SD-RAM LR-DIMMs
及其优越的可靠性 and their exceptional reliability.
你们会追随我吗" Will you stand with me?"
那聚光灯应该再大点吗 About the spotlight, should it be wider?
-我也这么想 -我也是 -I had the same thought. - As did I.
-我可以跟技术团队沟通 -拜托了 - I can speak with the technical team. - Please.
我们在魔笛手的间谍有什么消息吗 Any word from our mole at Pied Piper?
我相信如果有任何需要报告的事 I'm confident that if there were anything to report,
现在我们应该已经得到消息了 we'd have heard about it by now, sir.
很好 Alright!
我要去杰克逊霍尔几天 整理思绪 I'm off to Jackson Hole for a couple of days to clear my mind,
调整生活的重心 and center myself.
我会切断信号 不论发生什么事都别打扰我 I'll be off the grid. Not to be disturbed for any reason.
-明白了吗 -明白 - Understood? - Absolutely.
还有别的事你想让我们处理的吗 Is there anything else you'd like us to take care of?
熊沾了蜂蜜有点黏 The bear is sticky with honey.
回见 See ya soon.
"熊沾了蜂蜜有点黏" "The bear is sticky with honey."
他那话是什么意思 What does he mean by that?
不知道 I don't know.
你们好 仙人们 Hello, Stallions.
你们继续做精英中的精英 You continue to be the best of the best.
我赞美你们 I commend you.
然后就是你 And then there's you.
这个堕仙 The anti-Stallion.
现在 把手从你那该死的鼠标上拿开 Move your hand off your fucking mouse, now.
我本来要带你一起去现场看机器人争霸赛 And I was going to take you to see BattleBots live with me,
但决定不带你了 "我的好朋友" but no longer... "Friend."
你看现在是谁傻眼 Now who looks stupid?
我们的新开发者们刚同意了我们的条款 Our new developers just agreed to our terms,
现在合作正式开始 and are now officially on board.
理查德是个说服别人的大师 Richard is a master at getting consent.
真是好消息 That's great news, guys.
八个新合作伙伴 Eight new partners.
是啊 实际上我们称他们为八笛手 Yeah! Actually, we're calling them the OctoPipers.
直到想出一个更好的名字 Uh, until a better name comes along.
只是想让这名字有个受评价的机会 Just wanted to give that one its day in court.
我们还有好消息告诉你 理查德 Well, we have some more good news for you, Richard.
你记得去年 You remember last year,
劳里和我投资了嗑嗨游戏吗 Laurie and I funded K-Hole Games?
硅谷最大的独立游戏公司 Largest independent gaming company in the Valley?
当然记得 Uh, yeah, of course!
事实上 你现在提起他们了 Um, actually, now that you-- you bring them up,
我不想太心急 I-I didn't want to be too forward,
但我希望有一天 but I was hoping that one day,
我们能跟他们谈谈加入我们的网络 we could talk to them about joining our 'net.
如果我告诉你那一天就是今天呢 Well, what if I told you that day is today?
什么 What?
除了是商业伙伴之外 In addition to being business associates,
他们的CEO和我一起在医生的监管下 the CEO and I take medically prescribed
服用由医生开的处方摇头丸 and supervised MDMA together.
我是用来治疗严重的产后抑郁症 I'm taking it for severe post-partum depression.
我不知道他为什么吃 I do not know why he is taking it.
不管怎样 我昨天见到他时 Regardless, when I saw him yesterday,
他很兴奋地表示要跟你聊聊合作的事 he was quite euphoric about speaking to you regarding a deal.
嗑嗨 "僵尸性侵犯"游戏的 K-Hole? The creators of the game
开发者吗 他们来头可不小 "Undead Sex Offender"? They're-- they're huge.
没错 这么早就与这样规模的公司合作 Yeah! Yeah, partnering with a company of that size this early
会让我们进度提前好几个月 would put us months ahead.
这个合作还没说定 This is not a done deal.
嗑嗨很注重维护他们的品牌形象 K-Hole is protective of its brand.
他们会找你了解下 They will want to speak to you
你其他的合作者的情况 regarding who else you are dealing with.
好 没问题 Okay, right, well, um...
不如我直接把八笛手带去吧 why don't I just bring the OctoPipers?
还得起新名字 但这名字已经深入人心了 New name to come, though it's pretty popular around here.
可以让他们去跟嗑嗨谈 Uh, they can talk to K-Hole.
告诉他们自己加入的原因 Tell them why they joined.
这样你能少说点话 Allowing you to speak less?
策略不错 就这样吧 Good strategy. Alright.
你们今天下午去跟嗑嗨见面 K-Hole will be expecting you this afternoon.
搞定他们 理查德 Knock 'em dead, Richard.
不管你们现在在干什么 请打住 Whatever you are doing, stop it now.
好 我们只是在...击掌 Um, yeah. We're just... high-fiving.
再见 Bye.
嗑嗨 我简直不敢相信 K-Hole. I can't believe it!
我好激动 心狂跳 I'm bursting. I'm bursting!
给你 我把驾驶路线打印出来了 Um, here, I printed driving directions.
没关系 我带手机了 Oh, it's okay, I got my phone.
我已经把途中可用的厕所都标记好了 Well, I have marked available bathrooms along the route.
好吧 好戏要上演了 Okay, here we go.
理查德 你都不给我回电话 Richard, you never return my calls.
你说指你那几百条语音留言吗 You mean the hundreds of voicemails you've left
都是在说我是个没种的糟糕CEO where you just called me a terrible CEO with no dick?
没错 你在找其他公司合作 Yes! You're talking to other companies.
这可不是公开信息 That is not public information.
我是魔笛手的股东 I'm a part owner in Pied Piper.
你需要跟我的公司合作 You need to make a deal with my companies.
你是指你的孵化器下面那些 You mean your incubator's spurious knock-offs
仿冒正规美国公司的山寨公司吗 of legitimate American businesses?
新智游网 新快拍 新房讯网 "New Expedia," "New Snapchat," "New Zillow"?
但它们是面向中国市场的 But they're for Chinese market.
这是我深思熟虑后采取的策略 It's a very sophisticated strategy.
把现有的公司名字前面 Okay, look, taking existing companies
加一个"新"字 这不叫复杂 这叫剽窃 and just calling them "New" isn't sophisticated. That's theft.
你还在做"新"互联网呢 You make a new Internet.
这不一样 That is different.
我... 我们不会跟你的任何公司 I-- Look, we're not gonna make any deals
有任何合作 好吗 with any of your companies, okay?
不要接 Don't pick up.
理查德 你好 Richard, hello.
我是简阳 It's Jian-Yang.
你个烂CEO You are a shitty CEO.
只要我还拥有魔笛手10%的股份 As long as I own 10% of Pied Piper,
我不会让你好过 I will make chaos.
好吧 Okay.
我以为你不喜欢这辆车呢 I thought you hated that car.
亚威亚托那车有死猪的味道 Aviato car smells like a dead pig.
你知道罗斯·汉纳曼在这辆车里撒过尿吧 You're aware that Russ Hanneman urinated in that car, no?
这辆车 This car?
-你就把它留在这里了 -是的 - Are you just gonna leave it here? - Yes.
看起来我有理由去找个 Well... looks like I have a reason to find
魔笛手官方合作的拖车公司了 Pied Piper's official towing company.
会有几家来竞标的 I'm gonna get some bids.
好 你找的时候 Yeah, while you're at it,
看看能不能找人把他揍一顿 see if you can find someone to bash that guy's face in.
我...我可以了解一下 Uh, I-I can do some research.
也许开会的时候把手机关掉吧 Maybe turn your phone off during the meeting.
你是个烂CEO You're a shitty CEO!
科林 再次感谢你让我们过来 Thanks again, Colin, for having us.
像你们这样一家有口皆碑的公司 Uh, the fact that a company like yours
能跟我们这样面对面坐下来谈 with such a pristine reputation it sitting down with us
说真的 我们非常荣幸 is, honestly, incredibly flattering.
没什么大不了 It's cool.
这绝对死绝了 没错 That'll be a closed casket. Yeah.
我们认为宣传魔笛网的最佳方式 Alright, well, we thought the best way
就是通过 to introduce the Pipernet
已经签约的 would be through the eight developers
八位开发者 that have already signed on.
我们现在称他们为八笛手 Who we are calling the OctoPipers.
好蠢的名字 That's dumb.
不管怎样 介绍一下这个团队吧 Um, anyway, let's introduce you to the group.
我们有前谷歌超神哥 Um, we've got a great analytics tool
打造的强大分析工具 by a former Google guru.
-那称呼是我发明的 -很好 - Wish I'd have thought of that one. - Cool.
由人工智能来预测你品味的音乐流媒体 Uh, music streaming with an AI taste predictor
现在可是备受追捧 that is off the charts.
不错 Good space.
没错 还有这位引人犯罪的帅哥 Yes, and this handsome devil over here,
他在打造一个前途光明的同性约会网站 is creating a very promising gay dating site.
-不错 -是的 但别担心 - That's cool. - Yeah, but don't worry,
他一点都不觉得同性恋有什么特别 he's not snobby about it.
他其实还挺无聊的 He's actually pretty boring.
我不是在侮辱他 这是他的原话 I don't mean that as an insult. Those are his words.
长期恋爱关系 不抽烟 不喝酒 Long-term relationship. Doesn't smoke, doesn't drink.
每个周日他还要跟男朋友去教堂 And him and his man go to church every Sunday.
所以... So...
他喜欢研究圣经 对吗 loves Bible studies, right?
只是个超级无聊普通的人 Just a straight-up boring, ordinary guy,
但很明显不是直的 but obviously not straight.
他非常的弯 还是基督徒 对吧 Very gay, and also a Christian, right?
好了 还不错 Okay, so, that went well.
刚开始有点怪 It started out a little weird,
-但后来就顺利多了 -你为什么要那么做 - but things really picked up-- - Why did you do that?
-你为什么说那些 -说什么 - Why did you say that? - Say what?
理查德 你刚刚告诉一屋子的码农 Richard, you just told a room full of tech people
我是基督徒 that I'm a Christian.
好吧 但...但你确实是 对吗 Okay, but-- but you are, aren't you?
我是 但那是我私下跟你说的 Yes, but I told you that in confidence.
我说过这事是"私下告诉你" I said "Between you and me."
我是基督徒的事并没有公开 I'm not openly Christian.
真是多谢你 Thanks a lot, man.
你刚刚给我捅出去了 You just outed me.
抱歉 迪蒂 我没有... Oh, I'm sorry, Deedee. I didn't--
好吧 我们应该拥抱一下吗 Okay, um, should we hug?
这次我不会那么别扭了 I can not make it weird this time.
我很抱歉 理查德 I'm-- I'm sorry, Richard.
你知道我的默认立场 You know that my default position
是盲目支持你做的所有事 但是 is blind support of whatever you do, but...
你这事做得可不太明智 this was not your best moment.
伙计们 没有你们说的这么严重吧 Guys, it can't be that big of a deal, right?
怎么会有问题呢 Why should it be?
美国最爱基督教徒 America loves Christians.
穆斯林才是美国的敌人 Muslims are the enemy.
美国大部分地区是这样没错 Well, that's true in most of America,
但很不幸 硅谷不适用 but not in Silicon Valley, sadly.
-不幸什么 -你可以公开自己是多角恋 - "Sadly"? - You can be openly polyamorous.
这里的人会夸你很勇敢 And people here will call you brave.
你可以在燕麦粥里放微量的迷幻药 You can put micro-doses of LSD in your cereal,
人们会夸你有开创精神 and-- and people will call you a pioneer.
但你绝对不能是基督徒 But the one thing you cannot be is a Christian.
我觉得基督教义很不合逻辑 I find their theology to be illegitimate,
很明显 他们才是世上 and it's clear that they are the source
绝大多数问题的源头 of the majority of the world's problems.
但是理查德 即便是我也不会就这样 But, fuck, Richard, even I wouldn't just...
把别人的基督徒身份公布于世 out a Christian like that.
对 这超不地道 Yeah, it was kinda fucked up.
帅哥 我谢谢你 Cool man, thanks.
我以为他不应该随便插话 Hey, I thought he wasn't supposed to chime in.
他是不该 但是 Yeah, he's not, but...
他说到点子上了 我就饶他一回 based on its merits, I'll allow that one.
各位 别闹了 Guys, come on.
不可能有这么糟吧 It can't be that bad.
理查德 Richard!
你他妈到底干了什么 What the fuck did you do over there?
我刚跟嗑嗨的科林通完电话 So I just got off the phone with Colin over at K-Hole,
尽管他很欣赏你的技术 and while he loves your tech,
他还是考虑要放弃合作 he's considering blowing up the deal.
什么 What?
就因为跟我合作的一名CEO是基督徒吗 Just because one of my CEOs is Christian?
在硅谷 这会把人吓跑的 It freaks people out in the Valley!
好吧 那你想让我怎么做 莫妮卡 Okay, so what do you want me to do, Monica?
因为迪蒂是基督徒你就想让我踢走他吗 You want me to drop Deedee just because he's Christian?
他公司跟基督教无关 是面向同性恋的 The company's not Christian. It's gay...
这个没有问题吧 which is fine, right?
当然 那部分给人的印象好极了 Yeah! No, that-- that plays great.
听着 和迪蒂与一见钟情断绝所有关系 Look, cutting all ties to Deedee and FirstSight
绝对能让科林明白我们的态度 will definitely send a strong message to Colin.
而且这可能是唯一的办法 And it might be the only way.
就好像用杀人来证明自己不是缉毒警 Like killing somebody to prove you're not a narc,
或是向嫖客秀出你的老二 or showing a john your genitals
来证明你真的是鸭 to prove you're a legitimate male prostitute
而不是个卧底警察 and not an undercover cop.
-什么 -因为警察不允许这样做 - What? - Because cops aren't allowed to do that.
最糟糕的情况下 And worst case scenario,
你最多被嫖客白看了而已 the john walks off with a free peek.
拖车公司打来的的 失陪下 Oh, that's the towing company. Excuse me.
别说了 Forget it.
莫尼克 我不会这么做的 Monica, I'm not doing it.
我不会踢走他 I mean, I'm not dropping him.
好吧 行 Alright. Fine.
那好 我打给科林 Fine. I-I will call Colin,
试试看帮你缓和一下 and try and smooth things over for you,
但你得处理好迪蒂 but you need to handle Deedee.
肯定要为暴露他身份的事道歉 Okay, apologize for outing him, of course,
但你得确保他不对任何人提起基督徒的事 but you need to make sure he keeps quiet about this.
因为这不只是失去嗑嗨这么简单 Alright, 'cause it's not just about losing K-Hole,
情况比这要糟糕多了 it's way worse than that.
我跟你这么说吧 Let's put it this way.
你愿意从一支摇滚乐队 Would you want to go from being a rock band
变成一支...福音摇滚乐队吗 to being... A Christian rock band?
我操 Oh, shit.
"熊沾了蜂蜜有点黏" "The bear is sticky with honey."
这是他的原话 Those were his exact words.
但这话什么意思啊 But what does that mean?
盖文是用了比喻 Well, Gavin speaks in parables.
我认为盖文的意思是 I think what Gavin is saying is...
"想象一只熊" "Consider the bear."
所有这些包装宣传就好像蜂蜜 And all this pizazz is like the honey.
变得黏人惹人烦了 And it's become too sticky.
蜂蜜太多 弄得满身都是 There's too much of it. It's all over him.
不对 听我说 熊就是整场发布会 Incorrect. No, see, the whole launch is the bear,
而蜂蜜就是所有的宣传包装 and the honey is the pizazz.
熊需要更多的宣传 The bear needs more pizazz.
熊渴望被宣传 The bear is ravenous for pizazz.
你又不是盖文肚子里的蛔虫 You don't speak for Gavin.
我不用是 这就是盖文的原话 I don't need to. This is the word of Gavin.
好吧 不跟你争了 Alright, forget it.
-你干你的 我做我的 -好啊 可以 - You do it your way, I'll do it mine. - Okay, fine.
就让你们看看 Gonna show you.
-跟我来 -让你们都看个明白 - Okay, follow me. - Make it clear for all of you.
祝贺你们成为 Well, congratulations on becoming
魔笛手公司官方指定的拖车公司 Pied Piper's official towing company.
是 好极了 Uh-huh, yeah, great.
所以账单我是该寄给你 So should I bill this to you,
还是由达头蒂先生来处理 or is Mr. Bighetti gonna take care of it?
-达头蒂 -车注册在他名下 - "Bighetti"? - It's registered under his name.
抱歉 我能看一下吗 I'm sorry. Can I...?
不管怎么说 这是个错误 Anyway, it was a mistake.
很抱歉我公开了你的身份 I'm sorry I outed you.
我也希望我们能重回正轨 I just wish we could go back to normal.
能像以前那样 You know, just like, how things were.
一位CEO和你这位同性恋CEO A CEO and a gay CEO.
我都不知道正常该是什么样的了 理查德 I don't even know what normal is anymore, Richard.
这一天真是太混乱了 It's been such a crazy 24 hours, you know?
八卦在硅谷传得太快了 Gossip travels so fast in the Valley.
要是我双亲还愿意理我就是万幸 I'll be lucky if my parents ever talk to me again.
你双亲不是基督徒吗 Your parents aren't Christian?
我是帕罗奥图土生土长的 I'm from Palo Alto.
我爸说我的生活方式让他恶心 You know, my dad says my lifestyle makes him sick.
他只想要回他的同性恋儿子 He just wants his gay son back.
他对同性恋这部分倒是没意见吗 And he's okay with the gay part?
他就是同性恋 He's gay.
但最不可思议的一点是 But the crazy part is,
等我终于回到家躺在床上 when I finally got home and I got in bed,
这是我这些年来睡得最熟的一觉 I had the soundest sleep I've had in years.
-你累坏了 -不 是解脱了 理查德 - Exhaustion. - No! Relief, Richard.
我的身份公开了 I'm out, okay?
我的噩梦结束了 My nightmare's over.
我都不用再藏回柜子里 I don't ever have to go back in the closet again,
而这都是拜你所赐 and I've got you to thank for it.
你看 Check it out.
1见钟情 爱同性 信基督 我自豪
喜欢吗 You like it?
挺好 我觉得 内容是不是有点太多 It's good. I guess... maybe it's just a little busy?
比如 有的词用得太直白了 Like, um, there's one word too many.
-有的词 -我喜欢"爱同性"这部分 - One word? - Well, I like the "gay" part.
再更着重强调都没问题 If anything, it could be more gay.
你应该多渲染爱同性的部分 You should gay it up,
然后 我还喜欢"我自豪"这块 and then, I like the "Proud" Part.
只有 It's just the...
"信基督"这部分 Christian part.
理查德 这感觉很棒 Look, Richard, this is great,
因为现在我既能是同性恋又能是基督徒 because now I can be gay and a Christian.
或者只是同性恋 Or just be gay!
你可以爱正太 You know, you could be a-- a twink.
熊男 毛男 A bear, an otter.
交际花 肥仔 嫩草 A circuit queen, a chub, a pup.
基皮士 大叔控 A gipster, a daddy chaser,
皮衣男 人妖 a leatherman, a lady boy.
或者是唐老鸭 You could be a Donald Duck,
那指的是被海军开除的同性恋 which is a gay guy who got kicked out of the Navy.
我 我知道那是什么意思 Yeah, I-- I know what it is.
你怎么这么了解同性恋 How do you know so many gay things?
因为我之前合作过的一个家伙 I worked with a guy.
你就 Just...
别公开你的基督徒身份 don't be a Christian.
在你给我惹了这么多麻烦之后 After all you put me through,
事实证明 你也对此有偏见 it turns out, you're biased too.
不 不 不 我没有 No! No, no, no! I'm not!
我发誓我没有 我完全接受 I swear to you I'm not. I'm chill AF.
只是其他所有人不接受 It's just everybody else.
如果你承认基督徒身份 Look, if you go Christian,
我就会失去嗑嗨游戏团队 I lose K-Hole games.
我不能让这个发生 我知道这很糟糕 I cannot let that happen. I know it sucks.
很难堪 但这是事实 It's shitty, but it's the truth.
我来帮你解决吧 理查德 I'm gonna make things easy for you, Richard.
我不干了 I'm out.
-不隐瞒身份了吗 -不是 - Of the closet? - No!
我不参与新互联网了 The new Internet!
你说的那个互联网 怎么说来着 The Internet you said was gonna be-- What was it?
"第一个真正自由公开的互联网" "The first truly free and open Internet."
向每个人敞开大门 Open for everyone.
这些口号都被狗吃了吗 Whatever happened to that, huh?
你家挺漂亮 Nice place.
谢谢 Oh, thanks, yeah.
那个装饰还真合适 Oh, wow! That's a nice touch.
是啊 谢谢 Yeah, thanks!
蒙特利湾水族馆在测试他们的声纳时 The Monterey Bay Aquarium was testing their sonar,
在三千米深的海洋底部发现了这个 and found this thing, like, two miles under the ocean.
我想既然埃利希和我已经买下它了 And I figure, Erlich and I already bought it,
我就继续留着它吧 so I might as well hold onto it.
而且它有3600公斤 Plus, it weighs like 8,000 pounds,
即使我想我也挪不动它 so I couldn't move it if I wanted to.
而且它也算是你的吉祥物了 Well, and it also kinda works as your mascot.
对吧 因为你的名字 Right? 'Cause of your name?
啊对 因为"尼尔森" Oh, yeah, 'cause "Nelson."
我是说因为这是个很大的头 Oh, I meant because it's a big head.
我觉得这样解释也行 I guess that works, too.
所以有什么事儿吗 朋友 So, what's up, man?
我想问你 Um, well, I wanted to ask you--
噢 大头 Oh! Big Head!
现在我懂了 Now I get it.
-抱歉 -有没有可能 - Sorry. - Is-- is it possible
你和埃利希达成的一般合伙人关系 that the general partnership that you formed with Erlich
现在仍然有效 is still in effect?
不可能 Oh. No way.
你确定解散了合伙关系吗 You definitely dissolved it?
是啊 我爸坚持这么做 Yeah, my dad insisted.
我记得他帮我填完了整张表 I remember he filled out this whole form for me,
让我签了字 and made me sign it,
然后再把它寄出去 mail it in and everything.
没错 因为我 我记得我一只手拿着文件 Yeah, 'cause I-- I remember I had the paperwork in one hand,
另一只手拿着周先生餐厅的菜单 and the menu for Mr. Chow's in the other.
然后 And then--
真不敢相信 Oh, no way!
这文件还在我这儿 Still have the paperwork.
我猜我一定是把菜单寄出去了 Guess I must have sent the menu.
大头 这是个好消息 Big Head, this is great news.
盖文 Gavin?
我觉得你肯定会喜欢 I think you're really going to love the changes
我团队对发布会做的改进 that my team has made to the presentation.
我觉得你会更喜欢我们的 I think you might like ours even better.
抱歉 什么改进 Sorry, what changes?
我们提出两个不同的方案 We are presenting two paths,
你来选择我们最后选用哪一个 盖文 and you alone will decide which one we walk, Gavin.
你们到底在说什么 What the fuck are you talking about?
我觉得发布会之前的流程就挺好 I thought the presentation was fine as it is.
-等等 什么 -你这么觉得 - Wait. What? - You did?
该死 Goddammit!
为什么这玩意还在这里 Why is this still here?
我说这太粘了 I said it was too sticky.
你们从来都不听我说的话吗 Don't you listen to anything I say?
-熊 -沾了蜂蜜有点黏 - The bear... - Sticky with honey.
你们改了什么 So what did you change?
聚光灯 Uh, the spotlight.
没错 如你所愿我们把它加宽了 Yes! We're making it wider just like you asked.
很好 Good.
-我们先带你去看看你的更衣室 -对 - You know what? Let's show you to your dressing room. - Yeah.
等你准备好时 告诉我们一声 And whenever you're ready, you let us know,
我们再带你看聚光灯 we'll show you that spotlight, huh?
-你会喜欢的 -成功了 - You're gonna love it. - We did it!
得从图森空运过来 但熊我们搞到了 We had to fly him in from Tucson, but we got the bear.
盖文讨厌熊 你们搞砸了 Gavin hates the bear. You failed!
把一切恢复原样 Put everything back the way it was.
加宽聚光灯 And widen the spotlight!
你猜怎么着 混蛋 Guess what, asshole.
里昂跟我说他想要你的票 Leon told me he wanted your ticket,
因为他想跟我去看机器人争霸赛 'cause he wants to go see BattleBots with me.
但他想起来那天晚上已经约了 But then he remembered he actually had plans that night
一帮人 不知道要去干什么 with a bunch of people, doesn't know what they're doing,
他们的计划比较随性 their plans are sort of fluid,
而且好像是他以前工作时的朋友 plus, it's like friends from his old work,
所以我跟他们一起玩肯定很尴尬 so it'd be weird if I hung out with them.
总而言之 Anyway...
看来还是你跟我去看机器人争霸赛 looks like you and I are going to see BattleBots.
你要跟我一起去放松 You're going to hang out with me,
享受生活 不论你是否真的乐在其中 and have fun, whether you like it or not.
跟机器人争霸赛最搭的是什么 And what goes best with BattleBots?
没错 就是鸡翅 That's right. Chicken wings.
所以这五十美元戴夫巴斯特酒吧的礼卡归你了 That's why you get a sweet $50 gift card to Dave & Buster's.
这就是你在我们背后做手脚的报应 Serves you right for fucking us over.
你他妈记得洗 Wash your fucking hair.
你知道我喝醉之后会怎么样吗 杰夫 And you know what happens when I get drunk, Jeff?
我会对你掏心掏肺 I get so sincere.
到时会尴尬到爆 It's really awkward.
操你妈 杰夫 Fuck you, Jeff.
对了 你能开车带我去吗 Oh, um, can you drive?
我跟拉弗兰梅谈过了 已经正式生效 Well, I spoke to LaFlamme, and it's official.
大头依然是埃利希法律上的第一继承人 Big Head is still legally Erlich's next of kin.
所以简阳所有谋划就付之东流了 So Jian-Yang's whole gambit was for naught.
真的吗 Wow, really?
埃利希的房子和魔笛手10%的股份都归大头 Big Head owns Erlich's house, and 10% of Pied Piper.
我已经通知了警察把他们逐出现在的住处 I called the sheriff and started eviction proceedings.
我们会夺回所有东西 We're gonna get everything back.
还有 来开会的八笛手已经到齐了 Oh, also, the, uh, OctoPipers are arriving for the meeting.
一见钟情退出其实是好事一桩 对吧 It's a good thing that FirstSight dropped out, right?
这下我们就又回到八位开发者 'Cause we're back down to eight developers,
这样你就不用改名了 so you can keep that name.
其实不是 我们不能 Actually, uh, no, we can't.
等等 你说什么 Wait, what?
-很高兴一切都顺利解决了 -是啊 - I'm glad this worked out. - Yeah.
谢谢你放弃了一见钟情 Thanks for dropping FirstSight.
老天 要不董事会会把我钉死在十字架上 Jesus, my board would have nailed me to a cross.
我看我们差不多可以开始了 Well, I think we're just about ready to get going here, uh...
-太好了 他终于来了 -他来干什么 - Oh, good, there he is. - What's he doing here?
他是我请来的 He is here because I asked him to be.
我想让他加入我们的开发者队伍 I want him to be one of our developers.
什么 不行 操他妈 What? No! Fuck that guy!
伙计 最近怎么样 Hey, man, how's it goin'?
-理查德 -迪蒂 - Richard. - Deedee.
-我能跟你谈谈吗 -好等下 大家听着 - Can I talk to you? - Yeah! No, no, no. Actually, look!
伙计们 我 Look, guys, I...
我请你们加入这个项目 I asked you to be a part of this
是因为我认为你们愿意为了我的创意 because I thought you were willing to take a chance
而冒险 on my idea.
一个全新的互联网 An entirely new Internet.
一个互联网拥有旧互联网 An Internet that is everything
本应该实现却没能实现的方方面面 the old Internet is supposed to be, but isn't.
真正实现自由和开放 Truly free and truly open.
我很抱歉伙计们 Well, I'm sorry, gang.
开放是指对所有人开放 Truly open means "Open to everyone."
不论他们的观点多么惹人生厌 No matter how repugnant their views are.
多么狭隘愚昧 How ignorant or stupid,
或者说实话根本是大错特错 or, to be honest, totally fucking wrong.
我们又凭什么去随意评判别人 And, look, who are we to judge, right?
有些人甚至相信 There's some people out there that believe
我们生活的世界是电脑模拟的 that we're living in a computer simulation.
那是有证据证明过的 Well, that is supported by the evidence.
什么 What?
基础概率论而已 Uh, it's basic probability theory.
-好吧 -理查德 我能单独和你谈谈吗 - Right. - Uh, Richard, can I talk to you for just a sec?
好 当然 Yes, of course.
那完全就是胡扯 Uh, that's bullshit actually.
已经被证明过是错的 It's been disproven.
但这又有什么关系 But why does that even matter?
再过几年 我们就要为机器人服务了 In a few years, we'll all be working for robots.
不 别说蠢话 No, that's stupid.
机器人将为我们服务 The robots will be working for us.
机器人 谁他妈在乎机器人 Robots? Who gives a fuck about robots?
超级人工智能 It's the artificial super intelligence
才是我们应该担心的 we should be worried about.
没错 所以我们才要阻止它 Exactly, and that's why we have to stop it.
阻止它 不 要我说要阻止的是我们 Stop it? No, that's the us I'm talking about.
我们得让它浮出水面成为现实 We have to bring it into existence.
否则它会找出 Otherwise, it'll find out
并惩罚所有曾不相信它存在的人 who didn't believe in it, and punish them.
-没错 -伙计们 我之前搞错了 - Right. - Guys, I was wrong.
迪蒂他 Um, Deedee is...
不会加入我们 他永远出局了 not in. He's actually very much out.
所以 So...
我收回刚才说的话 do-over on the whole speech.
操他妈 Fuck that guy!
基督徒烂透了 Christians suck!
还有 这也有好的一面 And, uh, here's a good side effect though.
我们可以继续用八笛手这个名字了 Uh, we all get to keep the name OctoPipers.
这么着吧 我们休息五分钟 You know what? Why don't we just take a quick five?
然后我们重新开始 And then, we'll BRB,
然后大家一起努力 and then, go teams.
所以就 让我们就 So just-- let's have a--
发生什么事了 What just happened?
迪蒂退出了 Deedee's out?
对 他说 Yeah, well, he said
就在他拒绝了我们之后 that right after he bailed on us,
他马上跟我们的竞争者签了协议 he went out and made a deal with our competitor.
-但根本没有人跟我们竞争 -理查德 - But we don't have any competitors. - Richard?
那个傻逼简阳 Fuckin' Jian-Yang.
我要给他重撕一个屁眼出来 I'm gonna tear him a new asshole.
重做一个新快拍新智游网 他还不满足 It wasn't enough to do New Snapchat or New Expedia,
还要再搞一个新魔笛手出来 he had to do New Pied Piper too?
他从哪弄到我们的代码的 Where did he get our code?
他总是从办公室偷零食 He was always stealing snacks from the office.
他很容易就能得手 He could've lifted it from anywhere.
看来我的薰衣草奶酪就是这么没的 I guess that's what happened to my lavender cheese.
简阳 快开门 Jian-Yang! Open up!
搞什么鬼 What the fuck?
为什么所有我爱过的家都被洗劫一空 Why does every home I've ever loved get stripped?
那个是装着埃利希骨灰的桶吗 Is that Erlich in the bucket?
"理查德 "Richard...
你好 我回中国去重新构造新互联网了 "Hello, I went to China to do new new Internet.
谢谢你 恭喜你搬回家 "Thank you. Enjoy your house.
爱你 "I love you.
简阳" Jian-Yang."