《绝望的主妇》前情提要 Previously on Desperate Housewives
在学校撞人后 After an incident at school...
加布被迫顶替家长会会长 Gaby was forced to replace the P.T.A. President.
我 Me?
卡洛斯依旧心存愧疚 Carlos was struggling with his guilt.
我跟变了个人似的 失眠 见到鬼 This is not me. I can't sleep. I'm seeing ghosts.
我懂 I know.
苏珊找到了解决之道 Susan found a way to cope.
我要去学校里修一门绘画课程 I'm taking a painting class
-是安德烈·泽勒的课 -很好 being taught by Andre Zeller. Great.
但这位著名画家出言不逊 But the famous painter didn't make it easy.
你不过是个无聊的家庭主妇 You're a bored housewife trying to kill time
想在上健身课和送孩子踢足球的间隙 between spin class and driving your kid
来打发时间 to soccer practice.
而勒奈特发现自从两口子分居后 And Lynette discovered that since their separation,
汤姆就开始约会了 Tom had started dating.
就吃过几次饭 喝过几次咖啡 It's just a couple of dinners and... coffee.
汤姆 你什么时候才打算告诉我呢 God, tom. When were you gonna tell me this?
他们相伴二十年期间 In their 20 years together,
汤姆和勒奈特夫妻俩一直遵循着简单的原则 Tom and Lynette Scavo had followed a few simple rules...
家务一起做 Always share the housework...
热水不浪费 Never waste the hot water,
床头打架床尾和 and never, ever go to bed angry.
没错 相处的原则很简单 Yes, the rules for being together were simple.
可分居的原则... But the rules for being apart...
绝不简单 were anything but.
别再管这叫"约会"了 Stop calling it "Dating."
只是和朋友吃个饭而已 It's dinner with a friend.
别那样 别发那怪声 Do not do that. Do not do the snort.
你能让她别哼哼了吗 Could you make her stop snorting?
勒奈特 我觉得有事说事 Lynette, I find it more effective
比用鼻子发出噪音更管用 when we use words rather than inflammatory noises.
你想让我说话 那我就说了 You want words? Here are some words.
骗子 骗子 火烧裤子 Liar, liar, pants on fire.
在高级餐厅吃双人龙虾餐 Lobster for two at chez nous
可没朋友关系那么简单吧 is not "Dinner with a friend."
在樱花餐馆一晚上花300块 A $300 night at Sakura
可不是和兄弟简单搓一顿 is not strapping on a feedbag with a buddy.
我还负责我们俩的信用卡账单 天才 I still do our credit card bills, genius.
好了 就说到这里 All right, enough words.
不是我出去寻花问柳 Hey, it's not like I went looking for this.
简就和我住同一幢楼 我们就闲聊起来 Jane lives in the building. We got to talking.
知道吗 她对我嘘寒问暖 You know what? She was actually nice to me--
我过去可没这待遇 Something I'm not used to.
我不能哼哼 可这么指桑骂槐就可以吗 Oh, I can't snort, but a drive-by like that's okay?
好了 你们俩的情绪都有点激动 All right, emotions are running a little hot,
可我找到根源了 but I think I know why.
你们俩仓促分居 You two embarked on this separation
心里却没有明确的目标 without a clear goal in mind.
你们想努力复合 Are you trying to get back together,
还是想以体面的方式 or are you trying to find
结束这段婚姻 a graceful way to end the marriage?
我们不必立马做决定 We don't have to decide this right now,
可我们需要先落实些原则 but we do need to lay down some ground rules.
比如说 你们在约会吗 For example, are you dating?
-他在约会 -只吃了两顿饭 - He is. - Two dinners.
好 那你在约会 All right, so you are dating.
发生过关系吗 What about sex?
没 No.
还没 Not yet.
我... I-I...
他刚回答了你的第一个问题 He just answered your first question.
他想结束这段婚姻 He wants to end the marriage.
不 勒奈特 我可没这么说 No, Lynette, that's not what I'm saying.
我没有放弃 I'm not giving up.
什么叫"还没" "Not yet"?
我还抱有希望 我们能找到方法 Look, I still hope that we can find a way
把问题给解决 to work things out,
可... But...
我们无法令彼此开心 We don't make each other happy.
已经很久了 We haven't for a long time.
所以如果我们... So what if--I mean,
如果有别人能让我们开心起来呢 What if there was someone out there who could?
我只是感觉如果我们不去... I just feel like if we don't...
一探究竟 explore...
那我们就会在这里 就在这张沙发上 then we are gonna end up right back in here, on this couch,
互吐不满 hating each other.
看来你有很多顾虑 Sounds like you have a lot to consider.
没什么好顾虑的 There's nothing to consider.
我们可以找人上床了 We're... cleared for sex.
开始约会吧 Let the dating begin.
没错 汤姆和勒奈特在学习分居法则 Yes, Tom and Lynette were learning the rules of separation.
而第一条原则是 And the first rule?
而且我迫不及待想让我的新男友 And I can't wait to let my new boyfriend
对我做 我从不让你做的那件事 do that thing I never let you do.
没有原则 There are no rules.
每个群体里 In any group,
人们注定要扮演起某些角色 there are roles that people are destined to play--
烹制点心的完美主妇 The perfect homemaker to bring the snacks,
精心管账的财务专员 The financial wizard to keep the books...
和传播八卦的多事之人 And the busybody to share the gossip.
主席
可有时最重要的角色 But sometimes the most important role of all
家长会会议 今天下午四点半
分给了 goes to someone
最不当回事的人 who's not the slightest bit prepared for it.
大家好 我知道 我来得有点晚 Hi, guys. I know, I'm a little bit late.
只是有点吗 足足有45分钟 A little? Try 45 minutes.
你们一旦听到了我的遭遇 Well, once you hear what I've been through,
就会完全理解我了 you will totally understand.
那 你们知道什么叫热石按摩吗 So... you know how it's called a hot stone massage?
我刚才在做理疗 So there I am at the spa,
右手端着莫吉托 左手拿着"美丽佳人" Laid out with my mojito, my "Marie Claire,"
突然间 我感到我屁股上有块冰凉的石头 And all of a sudden, I feel a cold rock on my ass.
我就知道 I know!
所以阿曼多连连道歉 他想重新热一下 So Armando was all apologetic. He wanted to reheat the rocks.
可就在那时 我说 But at this point, I'm like,
"抱歉 我还有家长会要开" "I'm sorry. I've got a P.T.A. Meeting to run."
如果你走了 那怎么会迟到 If you left, why are you late?
阿曼多很抱歉 Oh, Armando felt so bad,
他免费给我做了海藻膜 He gave me a complimentary seaweed wrap.
那今天的议程是什么 So... what's on the agenda here?
我们该计划教师答谢晚会 We're supposed to plan teacher appreciation night.
对 对 那该怎么分工 Mm. Right, right. So who's doing what for that?
辛迪 你来负责烹饪吧 Cindy, you wanna handle the food?
不 No.
好吧 Okay.
瑞秋 你总是说个不停 你来主持吧 Rachel, you never stop talking. You wanna emcee?
不 No.
好吧 你们都怎么了 Okay, what's going on here?
你把我们的时间都给浪费了 What's going on is you've wasted our time.
我走了 我得去接我的孩子们了 I'm leaving. I have to pick up my kids.
我得回去工作了 I have to get back to my job.
我得带我妈去做化疗 I need to take my mother to chemo.
好吧 好吧 大家别装可怜了 Wh--okay, okay. Let's not play sad-life poker here.
我要你们帮忙 I need your help.
我们也想虚度时光 You know, we would love to fritter away our days
修修指甲 做做头发 做做水疗 with manicures and hairdressers and spa appointments,
可我们不像你 我们还要过日子 but we're not like you. We have lives.
所以你可以自己操办这个教师答谢晚会 So you can do teacher appreciation night on your own.
什... Wh--
你们至少也得把凳子收起来 Well, could you at least fold up your chairs
堆上小车吧 and stack 'em on the rolling cart?
有人能把咖啡壶洗洗吗 And can someone empty the coffeepot?
你们真是... You'd really do--
天呐 还说我自私呢 Jeez! Talk about selfish.
谢天谢地 你还活着 Oh, thank goodness. You're alive.
很抱歉 牧师 I'm sorry, reverend.
我知道我有几个礼拜日没去教堂了 I know that I haven't been to church for a few Sundays.
几个 准确说是五个 A few? Try five.
你知道是谁为教会交流时间带点心来了吗 You know who's been bringing snacks to fellowship hour?
海伦·约翰逊 Helen Johnson.
我猜猜 Ugh. Let me guess.
在小超市买的糠饼吗 Bran muffins from the mini-mart?
你为什么把我给抛弃了 Why hast thou forsaken me?
我该事先给你打电话的 I should've called you.
只是 我最近一直感觉 It's just, I haven't been feeling...
精神萎靡 very spiritual lately.
这不稀罕 It's not uncommon for us
我们总是时不时地失去精神支柱 to lose our way spiritually from time to time,
感觉身处 to feel...
迷雾森林 in the woods.
你的用词真有意思 Interesting choice of words.
我只是... It's just that I...
感到或许我此刻 feel like maybe I'm not worthy of...
不值得上帝眷顾 God's love right now,
因为 that...
我和他失去了感应 I've lost my connection to him.
可上帝有个优点 布里 But here's the good thing about god, Bree--
他很容易找 He's easy to find.
你只要去找到需要帮助的人 Just seek out the people who are in need,
就能找到他 and there he is.
你每次说来说去都要说到帮助别人 对吧 It always comes back to the needy with you, doesn't it?
这也算是职责所在吧 It's kind of in the job description.
我听说你有个新邻居本·福克纳 I hear your new neighbor Ben Faulkner
一直在为流浪汉做善事 does wonderful work with the homeless.
你要不和他聊聊 Why don't you speak to him?
或许我会的 Perhaps I will.
谢谢 牧师 Thank you, reverend.
我提到过海伦在做点心 对吧 I did mention that Helen's doing the snacks, right?
我刚做完一批夏威夷果烤饼 I just finished a batch of macadamia nut scones.
来一个吗 Would you like one?
保佑你 吾儿 Bless you, my child.
多来一块 我车上吃 And maybe one for the car?
我每次走进教室都很紧张 It's so nervous every time I walk into this class.
我是说 安德烈·泽勒 不是吗 I mean, andre zeller, right?
告诉你个秘密 Between you and me,
他认为我不是个严肃的艺术家 He doesn't think I'm a serious artist.
但我会向他证明 我也有痛苦 But I'll show him. I have pain.
就像今天早上 I mean, like this morning,
我9岁的儿子走进学校后 My 9-year-old walked right into school
连再见都不和我说 Without even saying good-bye.
没有拥抱 更无吻别 No hug, no kiss.
冷淡得很 Nothing.
我要将这悲痛化为艺术 Well, I'm gonna take that misery and use it in my art.
那我就用我父亲自杀做灵感吧 I'm using my father's suicide.
今天我们主要学习光和影 Today we'll be working with light and shadow.
画鸡蛋 真棒 Ooh! Eggs. Cool.
德尔非诺太太 这是我的早餐 Ms. Delfino, this is my breakfast.
今天不画鸡蛋素描 You will not be sketching eggs
或是其他老套的静物 Or any other hackneyed still lifes today.
你们要画的是男性躯体 You'll be drawing the male form.
埃米尔 Emile.
对不起 Sorry.
我需要 适应一下 Takes some... getting used to.
在开始素描前 As you begin to sketch,
把人体轮廓作为你的目标 Think of the human form as an object.
是什么 吸引了你的眼球 What is it that catches your eye?
不是故意的 突然脱口而出 Didn't mean it. Just popped out.
你们要把注意力集中在 I want you to pay close attention
究竟人体哪个部位反射了光线 To which parts of the human body reflect light
哪个部位蒙上了投影 And which parts cast a shadow.
对不起 德尔非诺太太 I'm sorry, Ms. Delfino.
我没意识到我们现在是在初中课堂上 I didn't realize we were in junior high.
你以前没见过阴茎吗 Have you never seen a penis before?
是的 是的 不 我见过 No. No. Yes, I have.
见过许多 并不多 Uh, lots. Well, not lots.
总数较为适宜 The appropriate... amount.
请专业一些 Please try to be professional.
我会的 我是专业的 I am. I am professional.
阴茎 阴茎 阴茎 Penis, penis, penis.
多念两遍它就不那么特别了 Just trying to take the power out of it.
快说 Quick.
说说你父亲的自杀 Tell me about your father's suicide.
你在干嘛呀 Hey. What are you doing?
我在找我的手机 I was, uh, looking for my phone,
我知道这很愚蠢 但是 I know this is gonna sound stupid, but...
我没办法进去 I couldn't go in there.
天哪 我不想表现得漠不关心 Oh, god. I don't mean to sound insensitive,
你还在为那事焦虑吗 But is this dead guy angst?
我也快要崩溃了 'cause I am really pooped right now.
就是 每次我走进那间屋子 It's just, every time I go into that room,
就会想起那晚 I think about that night.
那我有个主意 别进那屋子 Well, here's an idea. Don't go in that room.
瞧 那儿是厨房 那儿没死过人 Look, there's the kitchen. No one died in there.
你知道吗 我们压力都很大 You know what? We're both stressed.
我来倒两杯喝的 I'll pour us a couple of drinks.
不用了 谢谢 我最近已经 No, thanks. I've been hitting that stuff
喝了不少了 pretty hard lately.
我可不想染上酒瘾 I don't want it to become a thing.
经过这么一天折腾 Well, after the day I had,
我会一个人喝掉整瓶酒 I'll finish the bottle myself.
家长会活动 让我招架不过来了 This P.T.A. Gig is turning into a serious pain in the ass.
-是的 -我只是迟到了一小会儿 - Yeah. - I show up the teensiest bit late,
所有女人都爬到我头上来了 and the girls are all over me.
她们说 "加布 你为什么迟到 They're like, "Gaby, why are you late?
"你应该感到可悲 可耻 准时 "You should be sad and miserable and on time,
"就像我们一样" "just like us."
她们好像在嫉妒我 It's like they're jealous or something.
我的天呐 Oh, my god.
她们是嫉妒 They're jealous.
我知道怎么做了 感谢聆听 I know what to do. Thanks for listening.
这里不是很高档 但是 我敢保证 It's nothing fancy, but, uh, I'm proud to say
我们为几百位流浪者提供餐食 We feed hundreds of homeless people every day.
太棒了 Oh. Wonderful.
这正是我要寻找的 This is exactly what I'm looking for.
不错 Well, great.
但出于好奇 But, uh, just out of curiosity...
你做了些什么 Uh, what did you do?
什么意思 Excuse me?
很多人过来回报社会 Well, when most people wanna give back,
一般是因为他们曾经做过 It usually means they've done something
可耻的事情 They're, uh, ashamed of.
你懂的 贪污啦 通奸啦 You know, embezzlement, adultery.
你是什么来头 What's your story?
我想我也可以问你同样的问题 I suppose I could ask you the same thing.
那我也有权不回答 And I'd have the good sense not to answer.
我就是感到最近心绪很凌乱 I've just been feeling disconnected lately,
我想最近做些有意义的事情 And I thought by doing something meaningful with my days
有助于改变现状 that I could change that.
多么无私啊 使人精神焕发 Actual selflessness. That's refreshing.
要是市议会能受你启发就好了 I wish the city council was as enlightened as you.
什么 Oh?
他们把我的一个开发案搁置了 Ah, they're holding up one of my developments
因为其中涉及为低收入人群盖的保障房 'cause it includes low-income housing.
典型事不关己的态度 Ah. Typical "Not in my backyard" Attitude.
顺便问一句 By the way...
这事和你也无关 It's not in your backyard.
我要接个电话 Uh, I'm gonna have to take this.
我把我的得力助手 But, uh, I will leave you in the capable hands
多尼 留给你 Of, uh, Donnie here.
-失陪 -你好 - Excuse me. - Hello?
请问尊姓大名 Who are you?
我叫布里 鄙人是厨师 Oh, I am bree, your humble sous chef.
你需要我做什么 准备 炒菜还是切肉 What do you need me to do? Prep? Saute? Chop?
你要做准备吗 You wanna prep?
开始准备吧 Start prepping.
就这样吗 That's... it?
我忘了给你看调味架了 Oh, I forgot to show you the spice rack.
你瞧 盐 胡椒粉 Here you go. Salt. Pepper.
我们胡椒粉用完了 And we're out of pepper.
如果允许的话 If I may,
你是否考虑亲手做一份汤如何 Have you ever considered making the soup from scratch?
我们哪来的时间 We don't have time for that.
就是让他们进来吃 然后打发走 Just get 'em in and get 'em out.
是的 因为我们都知道 Yes, because we all know
流浪者的时间是多么有限啊 how pressed for time the homeless are.
瞧 这些人可能没有家 Look, these people may not have homes,
但是他们有味蕾 but they do have taste buds.
恕我冒犯 Would you be offended
能否让我快速地做一锅家常浓汤呢 If I tried whipping up a batch of homemade soup?
中午前能完成吗 Can you get it done by noon?
天哪 我想我只能做简化版了 Oh, dear. I guess I'll have to keep it simple.
这只是一份农家南瓜汤 It's just a rustic acorn squash bisque
加上了枫糖乳酪鲜奶油 finished with a dot of maple-infused creme fraiche
另配一点点油炸鼠尾草 and a little crumble of fried sage.
真是神作啊 Holy crap!
我下一本烹饪书 有好的广告词了 Finally, a blurb for my next cookbook.
我明白 有些人看着裸体画画 I understand that some of you are uncomfortable
有点不习惯 甚至觉得好笑 with the naked body, maybe even find it laughable.
泽勒先生 很抱歉 Mr. Zeller, I'm so sorry.
如果被拘束牵绊住 One cannot create real art
是无法创造出真正的艺术的 If one is crippled by one's own inhibitions.
我要调整教学方案 I'm gonna strip them away.
因此 下节课 我们就不画裸体模特了 So... for our next class, we're not gonna have nude models.
我们裸体来画画 We're gonna have nude painters.
什么 What?
裸体画画能迫使你 Painting in the nude will force you
创造出一个真诚的创作环境 to create from a place of total honesty.
如果你真的想要成为一名艺术家 And if you're serious about being an artist,
就应该没问题吧 you shouldn't have a problem with it.
是的 完全没问题 Nope. No problem at all.
加布 出什么事了 What's going on, gaby?
是的 你打电话叫我们干什么 Yeah. Why'd you call us here?
我想向大家 I just want to apologize
就上次家长会的事道歉 for what happened at the last meeting.
继续说 Keep talkin'.
大家都这么忙 我为了做水疗 It was wrong of me to blow you off for a spa appointment
让你们久等 是我不好 when you have such busy lives.
大家为什么生气 我完全明白了 Message received, loud and clear.
谢谢 Thank you.
因此为想向大家表明我的诚意 So to show you I've taken your complaint to heart,
有请我的美容团队 May I present my beauty team!
阿曼多 城里最好的按摩师 Armando, the best masseuse in town,
凯 我的发型师 Kay, my hairdresser,
还有小平 指甲美容师 And Ping on nails.
你们再也不用嫉妒我光鲜的生活了 You no longer have to be jealous of my fabulous life.
从今天起 你们也可以成为我 For one day, you can be me.
我请客 尽情享受吧 My treat. Go crazy.
你真懂我们的心思啊 Wow. Good to know you got our message.
不用客气 You'r' welcome.
再考虑一下 是否要帮忙准备食物呢 So you think you might want to reconsider doing the food?
乐意至极 I'd love to.
我来帮忙装饰 Uh, I'll handle decorations.
全心全意为你效劳 Yeah, whatever you need from us.
这样才好 That's more like it.
今天 放松一下 Now today, relax.
从采购和打骂孩子中脱身出来 Take a break from grocery shopping and spanking.
我去见一下我的旅行代理 I have to go meet my travel agent.
你们是认真的吗 我们真的要帮她吗 Are you guys serious? Are we really helping her?
当然不 No.
我们只是帮自己免费享用水疗 We're helping ourselves to a free spa day,
然后就让她自个儿愁去吧 then we're going to leave her twisting in the wind.
姐妹们 Oh! Hey, ladies,
你们在法国南部有好的酒店介绍吗 Anyone know of a good hotel in the south of France?
对不起 我又臭显摆了 I'm sorry. I did it again!
对不起 对不起 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
勒奈特 Hey, Lynette,
我把那些布料样品落你这里了吗 Did I leave those fabric samples?
抓到啦 Busted!
那么砰地关上 绝对是色情片 That is a porn slam if I've ever seen one.
色情片 没有 我正在收邮件 Porn? Mm. No. I was checking my e-mail.
得了 这没什么 人人都看色情片 Come on. It's okay. We all look at porn.
你看的是什么类型 What are you into?
男女的 双性恋 自慰的 没毛的 Straight, bi, solo, bald guys,
西施挽纱 肉桂满月 fuzzy whispers, cinnamon cakes,
老汉推车 poodling?
我有必要学那么多类型吗 Do I have to learn what those are?
因为我是真的不想知道 'cause I really don't want to know.
得了 让我看看 我保证不多嘴 Oh, come on. Let me see. I promise I will not judge.
不是 我注册了一家网上婚恋机构 No. I signed up for an online dating service,
我正在尝试做个人简介视频 and I took a stab at my introduction video.
你好 我是勒奈特 Hi, I'm Lynette.
我大概在三十五到四十五岁之间 I'm 35 to 45-ish.
我得了癌症 然后战胜了癌症 I'm a cancer, and I beat cancer.
是不是巧合 你来决定 Coincidence or not? You decide.
这比我看过的任何色情片 That is more disturbing
都没劲 than any porn I've ever seen.
你说过你不会多嘴 You said you wouldn't judge.
网上约会都是扯 Oh! Online dating sucks.
上面男人照片都是处理过的 包括发型 It's full of guys who photoshop hair on their heads
还有露出的胸肌 and crop out their man boobs.
你想和男人约会 我带你去酒吧 You want to meet men? I'm taking you to a bar.
酒吧 我不知道 A bar? Oh, I don't know.
从我上次尝试约会男人已经过去二十五年了 It's been 25 years since I tried to pick up a guy.
有我作陪 哪有你钓不到的男人 Well, with me as your wingwoman, you can have any man you want.
周五可以吗 Friday okay?
我记得那天你和本有约会 I thought you had a date with Ben.
他取消了 又一次 Mm. He canceled. Again.
为什么愚蠢的低保房开发项目 Some stupid real estate development for the poor.
真混蛋 Bastard.
他的损失 Well, his loss.
如果他不知道珍惜手中的东西 If he doesn't appreciate what he's got,
我会找懂得的人 I will find someone who does.
别吃冰淇淋了 Oh, and lay off the ice cream.
现实生活中可没法修片 There's no photoshop in real life.
早上好 早餐吃什么 Morning. What's for breakfast?
鸡蛋 我本想做培根 但看来点有危险 Eggs. I was gonna make bacon, but it seemed a little risky.
苏珊 我在厨房里脱袜子你都会不高兴 Susan, you get upset if I take my socks off in the kitchen.
怎么回事 What's going on?
安德烈觉得"不摆脱掉我们的拘束感 Andre feels "Until we shed our inhibitions,
我们的艺术将只会停留在表面" our art will be only superficial."
不管怎样 Anyway,
我们下节课得裸体画画 for our next class, we have to paint in the nude.
所以我正尝试着习惯这样 So I'm trying to get used to it.
我想向他证明我能成为一名真正的艺术家 And I want to prove to him that I can be a real artist.
那男人真厉害 Wow, that guy is good.
他可以假借工作之名 He gets to see a bunch of coeds naked
看一群男女同学裸体 and call it work.
宝贝 我开玩笑呢 Oh, honey, I'm kidding.
不 我做不到 No, I can't do it.
我不是那种能裸体的人 I'm not a naked person.
也许我也不是一个真正的艺术家 Maybe I'm not a real artist either.
-苏珊 -不 我是说真的 - Susan. - No, I mean it.
安德烈不喜欢我的任何作品 Andre doesn't like any of my work.
我不像其他学生那么严肃 I'm not serious like the other students.
我打算退出课堂了 I think I'm just gonna quit the class.
退出 但是这个课对你真的很有帮助 Quit? But this class has been really good for you.
上这课就好像将你带出了 It seems like it was pulling you
之前的那片阴霾 out of that dark place you've been in.
你这么觉得 You think so?
是的 而且我觉得以前的小苏苏又回来了 Yeah, and I feel like I'm getting my old Susie back.
再说了 这个男人听起来像是一个蠢蛋 Besides, this guy sounds like a jackass.
别让他得逞 Don't let him win.
你说的对 You're right.
我是一名严肃的艺术家 I am a serious artist.
我只是需要习惯让大家看我裸体 I just need to get used to people seeing me naked.
苏珊 我是李 你在家吗 Susan! It's Lee. You home?
太完美了 我最好的男同朋友 Perfect. My best gay.
谁最好现在就练习一下 Who better to practice on?
早上好 李 Good morning, Lee.
这是鲍勃的... 圣母玛利亚啊 This is Bob's--Mother of God!
现在不觉得同性恋结婚有那么可怕了吧 Gay marriage doesn't seem so freaky now, does it?
看起来我的托斯卡纳菜豆 Looks like my Tuscan bean
和意大利干酪克洛斯蒂尼面包很受欢迎 with parmesan crostini is a hit.
是啊 没错 但我想 Yeah, it is, but I think you're starting
你把无关人等都给吸引过来了 to attract the wrong sort of crowd.
打扰了 但是 我看你并不像是无家可归的人 Excuse me, but, uh, you don't exactly look homeless to me.
我是无家可归 Yeah, I-I'm homeless.
那你还用着二千美金的笔记本 And yet you have a $2,000 laptop?
但我是从垃圾箱里捡来的 But I live in the box it came in?
好吧 我是名大学生 Okay, I-I'm a college student.
但自从我从医学预科转成创作写手后 But my parents did stop talking to me
我的父母就跟我断绝联系了 when I switched from pre-med to creative writing.
你恐怕得走了 Well, I'm afraid you're gonna have to leave.
太糟了 我刚在我的博客上给予你强烈的支持 Too bad. I just gave you mad props on my blog.
那是好事吗 Is that a good thing?
是的 Yeah.
"如在家般舒适又很精致" "Homey but refined,
"布里·范德坎普的托斯卡纳菜豆汤" Bree van de camp's Tuscan bean soup
"像是一碗心灵鸡汤" is a revelation in a bowl."
心灵鸡汤 你这么觉得 Revelation, you say?
而且这首诗在脸谱网上大受欢迎 Uh-huh. And it's already been "Liked" on facebook
已经被转贴二百次 and retweeted 200 times...
这也是一件好事 which is also a good thing.
如果 如果我得走的话 But hey, if I gotta go...
等等 Hold on.
我不能让像你这样有天份 I can't let a talented
又近似于孤儿的人挨饿 near-orphan like you go hungry.
让我再给你添点汤 Let me get you a refill.
布里·范德坎普的拼写你改改 Oh, and it's "Van de kamp"... with a "K."
麦克 需要搭把手吗 Hey, Mike. Need a hand?
不用 我没事 No, I'm okay.
苏珊在吗 Uh, Susan around?
她去上绘画课了 Uh, she's at her painting class.
好吧 Okay.
我过一会再来 I'll... stop by later.
我觉得这样不好 I don't think that's a good idea.
你有话对我说吗 麦克 You need to say something to me, Mike?
是的 我有 Yeah, I do.
如果当初不是这样 If things were different,
如果是我杀了某人 if it had been me that killed somebody,
你老婆走过来 and your wife walked in,
我会去找警察自首 I'd have gone to the cops and turned myself in.
我不会让加布卷进来 I wouldn't have dragged Gaby into it.
如果可以的话 There's a lot I would've done
那天晚上我不会那么冲动 differently about that night if I could.
是啊 但是你不能了 Yeah, well, you can't.
但你能做的是 你可以不再纠缠苏珊 But here's what you can do-- you can leave Susan alone.
你把她卷了进来 让她自寻出路吧 Just let her find a way to deal with what you put her through.
和她聊天 It just really helps
真的很有帮助 to talk to her.
但这对她没有帮助 But it doesn't help her.
那么 Then...
我不会再这么做了 I won't do it anymore.
好 Yeah.
记住 技巧是拐杖 Remember, technique is a crutch.
学会后就扔了它 Learn it and throw it away.
这样你就可以开始追寻自己的心声 That way you can begin to find your own voice
那就是... And that's what that...
天呐 Oh, my god.
你真是将周五休闲装发挥到了极致 Taking casual Friday a bit to the extreme,
不是吗 德尔非诺夫人 aren't we, Ms. Delfino?
难道不是我们那什么的日子吗 Isn't this the day we were...
我们难道不是应该... Aren't we all supposed to be...
学校搅黄了我的艺术试验 The school put the kibosh on my little artistic experiment.
邮件里已经说得很清楚了 It was all there in the e-mail.
什么邮件 What e-mail?
看来你根本就没看 The one you obviously didn't open.
也许你是没有发给我 Maybe you didn't send me one.
我为什么要那么做 Why would I do that?
好羞辱我 To humiliate me.
因为我大笑而惩罚我 To punish me for laughing.
从第一天开始你就看我不顺眼 You have singled me out since day one.
为什么不试着愚弄我 Why not try to make a fool of me?
因为在我内心生活里的无限风景中 Because in the vast landscape of my interior life,
你只是一粒小小的灰尘 You're merely a dust speck.
去穿好衣服坐下来 Now get dressed and sit down.
不 No.
我报名上这课是为了学些东西 I signed up for this class to learn something,
而不是为了一个拿着画笔的 Not to be a punching bag
极端自我主义者 for an egomaniac
成为一个练习拳击用的沙袋 with a paintbrush!
我退出了 I quit!
你好 欢迎来到我们的流动厨房 Hello and welcome to our soup kitchen.
希望你们很饿了 因为我今天准备了 I hope you're hungry, because I have prepared
丰盛的意大利婚礼汤 a hearty Italian wedding soup today.
多尼 两位 Donnie, two.
塞克斯神父 真是惊喜啊 Reverend Sykes. What a nice surprise!
人真多 That's quite a crowd out front.
我几乎是挤进来的 I practically had to fight my way in.
自从我接管了厨房 Well, ever since I took over the kitchen,
我们这里就人潮涌动 we've been jam-packed.
非常感谢让我参与到这里的建议 Thank you so much for suggesting I get involved.
我这辈子从没感觉到自己这么被人需要 I have never felt more needed or important in my whole life.
慈善的本意 The intention of charity
不是为了让我们觉得自己很重要 is not to make us feel important.
的确不是 是为了帮助人 Of course not. It's to help people.
感觉自己很重要只是个额外奖励 Feeling important's just a bonus.
什么风把你吹来了 So what brings you by?
我想问问你流浪汉们 I was hoping you could tell me
去哪才能吃上一顿热饭 where a homeless person could get a hot meal.
当然是在这里了 Well, right here, of course.
不 布里 No, Bree.
自从你把这清汤厨房 Ever since you've turned this soup kitchen
改成了浓汤厨房以后 into a bisque kitchen,
流浪者们在这都觉得很不习惯 The homeless don't feel comfortable here.
为什么 我只是想把这里变得特别点 Why? I was just trying to make this place special.
这儿本来就很特别 这里原是他们的家 It was already special. It was home for them,
直到你夺走了它 until you took that away.
抱歉 Excuse me.
很抱歉 得请你们离开了 I'm sorry, but you're gonna need to leave.
我们还在吃呢 Hey, we're still eating.
去别的地方吃吧 Well, then go eat somewhere else.
你们看起来肯定负担得起的 You certainly look like you can afford to.
你这态度是怎么回事 Whoa. Where's the attitude coming from?
是我们把这地方变得成功 We made this place a success.
不 这里应该是给流浪汉们提供食物的 No. This place is supposed to feed homeless people.
这是可悲的错误 It's a dismal failure.
这些食物不是为你们准备 This food isn't for you.
而是为了挨饿的穷人 It's for the hungry and the poor--
那些我们总是视而不见的人 The people we walk past every day.
每个人都该有属于自己的地方 Everyone deserves to have a place,
这里本来是他们的 and this place was theirs
而我把它变成了我的 until I made it mine.
拜托了 收起你们的笔记本 So please, pack up your laptops
和智能手机离开吧 and your smartphones and go.
请离开 Please go.
本 很抱歉 我搞得一团糟 Ben, I'm sorry. I have made a terrible mess of things.
别担心 Don't worry about it.
你明天能做一场这么好的演讲吗 You think you can make a speech that good again tomorrow?
演讲 Speech?
你得帮助我在市议会 You're gonna help me push that low-income housing project
推动低收入者房屋计划 through city council.
你就住在这啊 This is where you live, huh?
诺曼·罗克韦尔走过[上世纪美国著名插画家] Norman Rockwell would walk down this street
会说 "花哨了点" and say, "A little much."
我能进来吗 Can I come in?
当然 不进来怎么能 Of course. How else are you gonna make fun
嘲笑我房子的内饰呢 of the inside of my house?
对了 我查了我的邮箱 By the way, I, uh, checked my e-mail,
你没给我发过邮件 and, uh, you never sent me one.
你查过校园邮箱吗 Did you check your campus e-mail?
我还有个校园邮箱 I have a campus e-mail?
好吧 我直说了吧 Okay, I'm gonna make this brief,
主要是因为我晚饭有约 mainly because I've got a dinner engagement
而对方比你有趣得不是一星半点 with someone infinitely more interesting than you.
从你背负的十字架上下来 Climb down from your cross
回到我的课堂上 and come back to my class.
为什么 好让你有更多机会羞辱我 Why? So you can abuse me more?
是的 我会羞辱你 朝你大喊 Yes, I will abuse you and scream at you,
让你裸身作画 让你做一切 make you paint in the nude and do anything else
能让你不再那么害怕的事 I have to do to get you to stop being so scared.
我没有害怕 I'm not scared.
我裸体出现在你的课堂上 I showed up at your class naked.
然后你跑了 Then you ran away.
在我看来你经常性逃跑 It seems to me you do a lot of running away
还经常紧张地笑 and nervous giggling.
你的表现就像是 You act like someone who's...
什么 What?
你在隐瞒什么 You're hiding something,
我得把它逼出来 And I'm gonna pull it out of you,
这样的话 有可能 and when that happens, there is a chance--
有微乎其微的可能 the remotest, slimmest wisp of a chance--
你会成为一名艺术家 that you might actually become an artist.
天哪 你到这是不是就该告诉我 Oh, god. Is this the part where you tell me
你之所以对我这么严厉 that the reason you're being so hard on me
是因为我是班上唯一有潜力的学生 is because I'm the only one in the class with potential?
不 No.
艾米·山田才是班上唯一有潜力的学生 Amy Yamata's the only one in the class with potential.
而你就是场诡异的车祸 You're a bizarre car crash that
不知为何让我有点兴趣 somehow fascinates me.
我该说谢谢 Thank you?
我就不多打扰了 Now if you'll excuse me,
对于一个装饰有陶瓷大象的房间 This is about as long as I can spend
这已经到我忍受的极限了 in a room decorated with ceramic elephants.
女士们 有人能帮我拿一下花吗 Hi, ladies. Someone wanna help me with these flowers?
好吧 没事 我能搞定 Okay, no worries. I got it.
你们在干吗呢 What have you guys been doing?
两个小时后就来人了 什么都还没弄好 People are gonna be here in two hours. Nothing's been set up.
上次那按摩太舒服了 Well, I'm just so relaxed from that massage.
我可不想抬东西搞的又那么累 I'd hate to lift something and tense up again.
是啊 小平那么认真地给我涂指甲 Yeah, and--and Ping worked so hard on these nails.
我可不想磨花了 I would hate to chip them.
我 我想不出来什么话 And I... can't think of anything witty to say
来形容我这美丽的新发型 about my fabulous new 'do,
不过我也什么都不会干的 but I'm not doing squat either.
你们干吗这么对我 Why are you doing this to me?
我已经费劲心思来帮你们了 I went out of my way to help you people.
我的天 你真是搞不清楚状况 Oh, my god, you are so out of touch.
你真以为做一次热石按摩 Do you really think a hot stone massage
就能解决我的问题了 is gonna solve my problems?
你根本不明白人们过着怎样的现实生活 You don't understand the kinds of things real people deal with.
你住在你完美的童话生活里 You live in this perfect little fairy tale.
好吧 我不需要你们的帮忙 Fine. I don't need your help.
我还有两个小时时间 I have two hours
还有个很能干的老公 and a very capable husband.
这次活动一定会顺利举行的 This event is going off without a hitch.
还有一件事 Oh, and one more thing.
喂 Hello?
亲爱的 抱歉打扰你工作了 Honey, sorry to bother you at work,
但这边有紧急事件 but this is an emergency.
怎么了 Whoa. What's going on?
我需要你到学校来找我 I need you to meet me at the school.
家长会这些基按人[贱人] These P.T.A. Beeyotches--
对 说的就是你 辛迪 Yeah, I'm talking to you, Cindy...
她们不乐意帮我 are refusing to help me.
我需要多一个人帮忙 I need an extra pair of hands.
好的 我 我一会就到 Sure. I'll be--be right there.
他这就过来 Ha! He's on his way.
谢谢 你真是个救星 Thanks. You're a lifesaver.
我在脑子里想象的时候 Wow. When I pictured this in my head,
没想到我的年龄 会跟这里所有人 I wasn't as old as all the other people...
加起来一样老 Combined.
两杯马天尼 野的[加橄榄汁] Uh, two Martinis, dirty.
不对 野的是我 Oh, wait. That's me.
这一句你想用就用吧 Feel free to use that if you want.
等我回家了再用吧 我现在得回去 Maybe I will... at home, 'cause that's where I'm going.
放松吧 Oh, relax.
看看这地方 跟糖果店似的 Look at this place like a candy store.
你只需要想想自己现在想要什么口味 You just have to figure out what you're in the mood for.
很明显 得要个带种的 Obviously, something with nuts.
我以为我早不玩这个了 I thought I was done with this.
我约会过 在那些衰人中细细梳理了一遍 I dated, I combed through all the losers,
最后选出了个男的 and I finally found a guy,
聪明 又会逗我笑 someone who was smart and made me laugh.
而到我这年纪了又回到这里 And now to be back here, at my age,
重头来过 这太让人郁闷了 Doing it all over again, it's depressing.
我的天 你说得对 Oh, my god. You're right.
什么 What?
-是挺让人郁闷的 -雷尼 - It is depressing. - Renee.
我跑这糖果店来干什么呢 What am I doing in hell's candy store?
我有个男人 又聪明又会逗我笑 I have a guy. He's smart and he makes me laugh.
我记得你说他工作太忙了 I thought you said Ben works too much.
他对工作很有热情 但他可以评十分 Oh, he's passionate about his job, but he's a 10.
你把这里所有人加一块也不过六分 You add up every guy in this place and you get a 6.
不过你留下吧 这里一定有适合你的 But you stay. There's definitely somebody here for you.
橙色的线 Orange cable...
在这附近 Goes around here...
这根连这里 This one goes here.
然后 立刻[西语] Ha! And... Presto!
所以这句西语的意思是不是 捂上耳朵 So is "Presto" spanish for "Cover your ears"?
真好笑啊 辛迪 That's hilarious, Cindy.
你干吗不去演动画呢 You know, you should've been a comic
这么小的身材跑来这里找我的茬 instead of a pint-sized pain in my ass!
时间过去不少 Oh, it's getting late.
看来你那完美的丈夫 Looks like your perfect husband
是不会来救你场了 isn't gonna be here to bail you out.
看看谁来了 Aha! Look who's here.
我的英雄 There's my hero!
赶紧的 我们得赶紧开工了 Now hurry up. We need to get cracking here.
你干吗呢 Hey, what are you doing?
卡洛斯 Carlos.
嘿 加布 Hey, Gaby.
卡洛斯 你不能这个样子待在这 Carlos, you can't be here like this.
你得离开 You've gotta go.
不不不 我要帮你 好吧 No, no, no. Gonna help, okay?
不 求你了 你得离开 No. Please. You need to leave.
不 我得帮你 得帮你 No, I'm gonna help, okay? Gonna help.
不 亲爱的 你得离开 求你了 No, honey. You have to leave, please.
等一下 等一下 Hang on. Hang on.
瑞秋 去把音板弄好 Rachel, get the soundboard set up.
梅丽莎 梅根 去把吃的端出来 Melissa, Megan, start putting out the food.
梅丽莎 现在就去 Melissa, now.
没事的 加布 It's okay, Gaby.
我们能行 We got it.
我不知道该说什么了 I don't know what to say.
只管照顾好你老公吧 Just take care of your husband.
你好 Hello.
我是菲尔 你很漂亮 I'm Phil, and you're beautiful.
你只是说说罢了 You're just saying that.
不过我领情了 But I'll take it.
天知道我为今晚准备了多久 God knows it took me long enough to get ready tonight.
我甚至为了早点来还花钱雇了保姆 I even had to pay the sitter to come early.
保姆 你有孩子了 Sitter? So you have kids?
是啊 Yeah.
五个 五个孩子 Five. Five kids.
听起来还真不少 Wow. That sounds like a lot.
我其实还有个丈夫 不过我们分居了 I actually have a husband, too, but we're separated,
都在与别人约会 And we're seeing other people.
也许只有他在约会 我还在尝试 Or he is, and I'm trying to.
我不是想报复 只是... Not that I'm doing it to retaliate, it's just that--
我真是说个没完啊 Wow. I can't seem to stop talking.
也许现在轮到你说了 Maybe you could say something now.
再会 Bye.
再会了 Bye-bye.
今晚来的人不多啊 你觉得呢 Crowd's a little light tonight, don't you think?
我是先请你喝一杯 还是你已经醉了 Can I buy you a drink or are you already lit?
来吧 我让你玩我的领带 Oh, come on. I'll let you play with my tie.
遥控器在这儿呢 Here's the remote.
我是不是在哪见过你 Don't I know you from somewhere?
好吧 老套的开场白 Okay. Not the most original line,
不过你很可爱 我是勒奈特 but you're cute, so... Lynette.
对了 对了 Right. Right.
你是波特和普雷斯顿的妈妈 You're Porter and Preston's mom.
我的天 Oh, god.
斯加沃太太是世上最酷的妈妈 Mrs. Scavo was the coolest mom.
她过去常给我们把烤芝士 She used to make us grilled cheese
做成恐龙的形状 那您来这儿做什么 in the shape of dinosaurs. So what are you doing here?
我也不知道 I have no idea.
给你 Here you go.
大概是唯一一串套着紫色手绳的钥匙 It's probably the only set of keys with a purple lanyard.
是我孩子野营的时候做的 My kid made it at camp.
我现在身上穿着的铅笔裤 Look, I'm wearing something called skinny jeans,
勒得很疼 which are very painful
因为我没有铅笔那么细的双腿 because I don't have something called skinny legs,
所以我只想赶紧回家 so I just wanna go home
把它脱掉 你介意吗 and peel them off. Do you mind?
不 不介意 只是我不在这儿工作 No, not at all. I just-- I don't--I don't work here.
天啊 对不起 你不是服务生 Oh, god. I'm sorry. You're not the valet.
我就知道不该穿这马甲 I knew this vest was a bad idea,
但我办公室里的同性恋说现在又兴这个了 but the gay guy in my office told me they're back.
不 马甲很好看 No, the vest is great.
我有一件海蓝色的 I have it in navy.
只是我很久没出来玩了 It's just--I haven't been out in so long,
我总觉得会把事情搞砸 I figured I'd try to mix things up.
你还很久没出来玩 You haven't been out in so long?
我上次来像这样的酒吧 Last time I was at a bar like this,
大家交换的是传呼机号码 beeper numbers were exchanged.
我甚至不知道酒吧里禁烟 I didn't even know they banned smoking in bars.
还有过去那纯正可靠的马蒂尼 And how did the good, old, reliable martini
也没人喝了吗 lose its job?
苹果 樱桃 西瓜 Apple? Cherry? Watermelon?
这些口味真不给劲 Those are slushie flavors.
我是勒奈特 I'm Lynette.
斯考特 Scott.
既然现在要比谁更落伍 我再加一句 By the way, not that it's a competition,
我的钥匙链上有两根手绳 but I have two lanyards on my keychain.
是粉红色的 They're pink.
-有女儿吗 -是的 - Daughters? - Yes.
离婚 Divorce?
不 谢了 我已经离过一次了 No, thanks. I already had one.
你呢 You?
分居了 Uh, separated.
这是我整晚第一次像样的聊天 Listen, this is the first decent conversation I've had all night.
你说我们进去再聊会儿如何 What do you say we go back inside and continue it?
要我说... I say...
石榴味马蒂尼算我请 Pomegranatinis are on me.
好吧 那酒小菜一碟 All right. That was easy.
你是说我没酒量吗 You calling me easy?
还没到时候 Not yet.
请进 Um, please.
我能给你倒点喝的吗 Uh, can I get you something to dink?
我这儿有伏特加 I have, uh, vodka.
有牛奶 有巧克力奶 I have milk. I have chocolate milk.
有果汁 I have juice boxes.
有孩子真是给我扫兴啊 Having kids has really ruined my game, huh?
伏特加和巧克力奶 Vodka and chocolate milk--
正是我给孩子喝的 好让她安静下来 That's exactly what I give my baby to calm her down.
干杯 Cheers.
现在我们做什么 Now what do we do?
我本可以放点音乐 I'd put on some music,
可我前妻把唱片都拿走了 but my EX got all my CDs.
我也可以开一盏黑光灯 I could turn on a black light,
可我不是16岁了 but I'm not 16.
也许我可以点几根蜡烛 Maybe I could light some candles,
但那意图看起来又太直接了 对吧 but that seems like kind of an obvious move, right?
那也不如这样直接 Not as obvious as this.
也许直接点也不坏 Maybe obvious isn't so bad.
不好吗 No?
不不 很好很好 继续 No. Oh, no, it's good. It's good. Keep going.
我还有间房间 想带你参观参观 I have another room that I would love to show you.
真的吗 Really?
你真是渐入佳境了 You're getting... better at this.
等等 等等 Oh! Hang on. Hang on.
该死 Shoot!
就在这儿吗 Oh. Right here?
好吧 Okay.
不是 我掉东西了 No, I... dropped something.
我能帮忙吗 Oh. Can I help?
我的戒指掉了 你非得铺长绒地毯吗 My ring fell off. You had to have shag carpeting, huh?
我办公室那个同性恋说 Ugh. That gay guy at my office
现在又流行长绒的了 said shag was back.
看来我真不能再听他的时尚建议了 Really need to start getting my style tips from someone else.
该死 跑哪儿去了 Damn it. Where is it?
这地毯可以吞噬一切的 This rug-- it swallows everything.
这里过去还有个茶几呢... There used to be an end table here and...
天啊 这种时候别开玩笑了 Oh, my god! Please don't be funny right now.
等等 等等 Wait. Wait. Wait.
找到了 Here it is.
谢谢你 Thank you.
那 我们进行到哪儿了 So, uh, where were we?
对不起 我不能 I'm sorry. I can't.
你这个人真的不错 You're a really great guy.
人很好 又风趣 You're nice and you're funny and...
无论你对我的脖子 Whatever you were doing...
下了什么功夫 真的很奏效 to--to my neck was really working for me,
但是现在走10步去你的房间 But the idea of walking 10 feet into your bedroom
是我能想到最害怕的事 is about the scariest thing I can think of right now.
好吧 Okay.
我 I'm...
我希望能跟我丈夫把问题解决 hoping to work things out with my husband,
我想我只是 and I guess I just--
我明白 I get it.
你还没准备好 You're not there yet.
我是没有 I'm not.
我想我该走了 Well, I think I should go.
起来吧 Come on.
我理解你们的犹豫 I understand your hesitation.
我家也有着修剪整齐的草地 I am one of those people with a manicured lawn
当我看到这样的提案 who would object
可能威胁自己的社区 when a proposal like this
也会极力反对 threatens her community.
但我已经放开眼界 But my eyes have been opened,
我将亲自挨家挨户地上门 and I will personally go door-to-door
让更多人看到这个项目有多必要 to help other people see how essential this project is,
唯有这样 我们居住的地方 so that where we live can truly
才能被称为社区 be called a community.
你说得太棒了 You were amazing.
我字字是肺腑之言 Well, I meant every word.
我想尽全力帮助你 I want to help you any way I can.
太好了 明早第一件事 Great. Well, uh, first thing tomorrow,
我带你去建筑工地看看 I'll take you out to see the construction site.
是的 我们或许想过 Yes, we may think
我们都注定要扮演某些角色 we're all destined to play certain roles.
但有时这些角色发生的变化出人意料 But sometimes those roles can unexpectedly change.
紧张的学生 A nervous student
也许会找到隐藏的自信 may discover a hidden confidence.
已婚多年的妻子 A longtime wife
也许要面对急转直下的现实 may confront a harsh new reality.
忙碌的母亲 A busy mother
也许急需转移注意力 may find her attention is needed elsewhere.
而原本只想做些许善事的女人 And a woman who wanted to do a little bit of good
也许会发现 她要扮演的角色 may find herself playing
比起她的初衷 重要得多 a much bigger role than she intended.
我一直在找最佳场地 I was searching and searching for the perfect spot,
然后我发现了它 and then I found it--
查曼树林 Chapman woods.
你以前来过这儿吗 Have you ever been here before?
来过一次 Once.
周二他们终于能动工了 Well, they're finally gonna break ground on tuesday,
这都多亏了你 and it's all thanks to you.
很高兴我帮得上忙 Glad I could help.