（中央咖啡厅）
嘿 记得我之前不是养过猴子吗？ Hey, remember when I had a monkey?
- 对 - 嗯 - Yeah. - Mm-hm.
对 我在想什么？ Yeah. What was I thinking?
小费怎么才百分之二十？我做错事了吗？ Hey, so, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong?
百分之二十很大方了 乔伊 Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip.
你知道多少更大方吗？百分之五十 You know what's more generous than that? Fifty percent.
- 你知道怎样更大方？ - 我知道你想说什么了 - You know what's even more generous? - I see where you're going.
- 你干嘛这么贪心？乔伊 - 好吧 对不起 只是... - What's up with the greed, Joe? - All right, look, I'm sorry, you guys.
我得照新的大头照 It's just that I gotta get these new headshots made...
但是好贵 and they're really expensive, you know.
我只剩三张了 I'm down to like three.
其实是两张 有一张的牙齿 被我涂黑... Actually, two, because one of them I kind of blackened in some teeth.
我秀逗啊 Why'd I do that? Ugh.
你不能设法多赚一点吗？ Well, isn't there something you can do to earn a little extra money?
例如在这里多轮一班 I mean, can't you pick up, I don't know, an extra shift here?
或是我以前当过乞丐 Or, you know, I used to beg for money.
如果能这样更有用 Of course, it helps if you've got, you know, a little of this going on.
- 我现在还会 - 对 - Wow, I still have it. Ha, ha. - Yeah.
等等 你今天不是有试镜？也许你会被桃中 Wait, don't you have an audition today? Yeah. Maybe you'll get that job.
哈哈哈 Oh, ha-ha-ha.
等等 Oh, wait a minute.
我以前常参加医学实验 I used to get medical experiments done on me all the time.
难怪变成这样 Ah, finally, an explanation.
不是 我以前常靠这个赚钱 记得吗？ No, I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember?
我想想 我不想再捐精子了 Let's see. Uh... Well, I don't wanna donate sperm again.
那种事在家做比较好 I really prefer doing that at the home office, you know?
也许医院会要我的血或口水 Ooh, ooh, maybe they want some of my blood or spit or something, huh?
- 乔伊？ - 怎样？ - Joey. - Yeah?
我说过工作时跟朋友聊天会怎样 What did I tell you about talking to your friends while you're working?
干得好？ Uh, do it?
那个人等咖啡等了10分钟 That guy's been waiting for his coffee for 10 minutes.
他抱怨了你三次 He's complained about you three times.
我讲到哪里？ Now, where was I?
老友记 第六季 第十七集
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
- 你们在忙什么？ - 我们今天去学防身术 - Hey, what have you been up to? - Oh. We went to a self-defense class today.
哇 Wow.
对 踢了一早上的鼠蹊部 什么鸟气都没了 Yeah. Kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of you.
那是你们 Takes it out of you? Heh.
- 现在我们谁都能修理 - 没错 - No, now we can kick anybody's ass. - Yeah.
上一堂课之后？才怪 After one class? I don't think so.
你想看我自卫吗？ What, you wanna see me self-defend myself?
去假装你是性侵犯 Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator.
有种就去 Go on, I dare you.
你当然可以抵挡已知的攻击 Of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming.
但那样还不够 That's not enough.
听着 我学了很久的控手道 Look, I studied karate for a long time.
有个概念你们一定要了解 And there's a concept you should really be familiar with.
日文叫做Unagi It's what the Japanese call unagi.
那不是一种寿司吗？ Isn't that a kind of sushi?
- 那是一种概念 - 是寿司没错 那是鳗鱼 - No, it's a concept. - Yeah, it is, it is. It's freshwater eel.
或许是同一个字... All right, maybe it means that too.
我现在好想吃鲑鱼卷寿司 Oh, I would kill for a salmon-skin roll right now.
好 被攻击活该 我才不在乎 You know what? Fine, get attacked. I don't even care.
好啦 罗斯 对不起 快告诉我们 Come on, Ross, we're sorry. Please tell us what it is.
Unagi是种全知的境界 Unagi is a state of total awareness.
只有达到真正的Unagi Okay? Only by achieving true unagi...
才能应付任何可能的危险 can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you.
你是说有人要偷你的竹席 In case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat...
或鱼壶的时候吗？ or your kettle of fish?
我是说应付 All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared...
彼此攻击是一回事 for an attack against, like, each other.
应付偷袭又是另一回事 Whole other story being prepared for an attack, I don't know...
好惊讶 A surprise!
好 这次你们料到了 但不表示你们有Unagi All right, you knew that was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi.
你知道吗？现在订位 半小时后就能吃到鳗鱼 Ooh, if we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.
算了 You know what?
- 嘿...摩妮卡在吗？ - 不在 - Hey, hey, is Monica here? - No.
帮个忙 我不知道该送什么情人节礼物 Okay, look, I need your help. I don't know what to get for Valentine's Day.
情人节已经过两星期了 我不会送她日历 Well, Valentine's Day was two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar.
她那天要上班 我们改今天过 Heh. She was working on Valentine's Day, so we're celebrating it tonight.
嘿 去帮你们一起订个SPA嘛 Oh, hey, why don't you book a day for both of you at one of those romantic spas?
乔伊 这个主意很棒 Ooh, Joey, that's actually a really good idea.
还有胯下开洞的内裤 Yeah, and of course, crotchless panties.
虽然她的男朋友觉得很诱人... Well, as appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend...
她哥哥也是 and her brother...
但我们说好今年要自己做礼物 I can't. We promised we'd make each other gifts this year.
- 我喜欢 - 真好 - Oh, I love that. - You guys.
你不会做开洞的内裤？ You can't make crotchless panties? You take...
- 拿把剪刀给它剪... - 好了... - You take a pair of scissors and just cut... - Okay, okay, okay.
做礼物 听起来好好玩 So making things, that sounds so much fun.
我也这么认为 直到我的眼睛糊到纸黏土 I thought so too, until I papier-mached one of my eyes shut.
我喜欢纸黏土 你做了什么？ I love papier-mache. What did you make?
我做了＠#%&! I made a:
- 那是什么？ - 什么也不是 - What is that? - Nothing.
哦 Oh.
那你要怎么办？ So, what are you gonna do?
你们有没有做什么能借给我用？ Have you guys made anything that I could take credit for?
我有我有 我做了袜子兔 Ooh, I have, I have. I started making these little sock bunnies.
了不起吧 Oh, for crying out loud.
等等 那是我的袜子 Hey, wait a minute. That is my sock.
现在它是你的兔兔朋友 Now it's your little bunny friend.
好 Okay.
这是一个＠#%&! This actually is a:
- 嘿 - 嘿 甜心 - Hey. - Hey, honey.
我能不能问你情人节礼物的事？ Can I ask you a question about the Valentine's Day gifts?
- 可以啊 - 全都要自己做吗？ - Oh, yeah. - Do we have to make the entire thing?
当然 你忘了做吗？ Yes. Why, did you forget to make yours?
当然没有 Of course not.
我只是得去做的地方拿回来 I just have to, uh, go over to the place where I made it and pick it up.
- 好 - 好 - Okay. - Okay.
我好期待 这会是最棒的情人节 I can't wait. It's gonna be the best Valentine's Day ever.
我居然忘了 要做礼物... I can't believe it. Make the presents. Make the presents.
- 什么？ - 要做礼物好兴奋喔 - What? - Just so excited to make the presents!
真是的 Shoot.
你好 我是乔伊崔比亚尼 Hi, I'm Joey Tribbiani.
我想捐赠一些体液 And with all due respect, I'd like to donate some fluids.
我们的研究刚告一段落 We're at the end of one of our research cycles...
目前没有在找人 so we're not looking for applicants now.
真可惜 我存了一阵子 That's too bad. I've kind of been saving up.
真的没有我能参加的研究？ Uh, you sure there's no studies I can participate in?
这是接下来的一览表 Well, here's a schedule of what's coming up.
谢谢 Ah, thanks.
可是这个已经开始了 Oh, but this one starts now.
没错 但只限双胞胎 That one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible.
- 那是双胞胎研究 - 但是有两千块钱 - It's a twin study. - But it's $2000.
- 抱歉 - 哦 - Sorry. - Oh.
那这个怎么样？ Well, how about this one?
测试乔伊崔比亚尼对美女接待的影响力实验呢？ "Testing the Effects of Joey Tribbiani on Attractive Nurse Receptionists."
结果已经出来了 不太理想 We already got the results back on that one, and they're not good.
- 那真的不错 - 很棒对不对？ - That was good. - Wasn't that a blast?
- 危险 危险 - 天啊 罗斯 - Danger! Danger! - God, Ross!
你搞什么啊？ What the hell was that?
让你们认识Unagi的重要 A lesson in the importance of unagi.
你这个变态 You're a freak.
或许吧 Perhaps.
我很好奇 Now, I'm curious.
你们那样哀哀叫 什么时候才要修理我？ At what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
好吧 我们没有准备 All right, so we weren't prepared.
抱歉用这种方法传达我的重点 I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point.
我是为你们的安全着想 But, look, I just want you guys to be safe.
哦... Oh...
危险 Danger!
嗯？Unagi Ah, huh? Unagi.
（选角经纪公司）
两千块好多 Two thousand bucks is a lot of money.
真想有个双胞胎兄弟 Boy, I wish I had a twin.
哪里才能找到 Where could I find someone...
跟我长得一样的人？ who looks exactly like me?
嘿 Hey.
钱德 Chandler.
我感觉到是你 I sensed it was you.
什么？ What?
Unagi Unagi.
我永远全知 I'm always aware.
你知道Unagi是鳗鱼吗？ Okay, are you aware that unagi is an eel?
- 什么事？ - 我不知道该为摩妮卡做什么礼物 - What's up? - I can't figure out what to make Monica.
你可以讲个笑话 Oh. Why don't you make her one of your little jokes?
我快急死了 好吗？ I'm going crazy, okay?
你有没有状似自制的东西？ Do you have anything around here that looks homemade?
知道吗？这个她一定会喜欢 Oh, you know what? She'd love this.
这是阿波罗八号的模型 我六年级时做的 It's an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.
这个也许可以用 我可以说你的爱让我飞上月亮 Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say, "Your love sends me to the moon."
对 可是阿波罗八号没有登陆月球 Yeah, yeah. Except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon.
不过你可以写 But you could write, um:
"你的爱 让我绕行月球两圈后顺利返航" "Your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely."
等等 我不能送这个 Wait, I can't give this to her.
- 为什么？ - 因为旁边写着"罗斯队长" - Why not? - It says "Captain Ross" on the side.
- 底下写着"我讨厌摩妮卡" - 哦 - And it says "I hate Monica" on the bottom. - Oh.
- 危险 - 危险 - Danger! - Aah!
鲑鱼卷寿司 Ah. Salmon-skin roll.
好... Okay, okay.
没错 甜心 这是我自己做的 Yes, honey, I made it myself.
我剪不下去 我剪不下去 I can't do it. I can't do it.
自己录的合辑... Oh, oh. A mixed tape. A mixed tape.
- 嘿 嗨 - 嘿 - Hey, hi. - Hey.
- 准备交换礼物了吗？ - 当然 你先 - You ready to exchange gifts? - Sure. Okay, you go first.
- 好 过来 - 好 - Okay, come here, come here. - Okay.
我没有包装 因为我刚做好 Okay, now, it's not wrapped, because I just finished it.
好吧 Okay.
我录了一卷浪漫情歌给你 But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs.
好棒的礼物 What a great gift.
哦 Oh.
有《你今晚的模样》吗？ Is "The Way You Look Tonight" on it?
或许听了就知道 Maybe. We'll have to listen and see.
- 我好喜欢喔 谢谢你 - 不客气 - Oh, I love it. Thank you so much. Mwah. - Aw. Okay. Mwah.
你要拆你的了吗？ Okay, you ready to open yours?
- 对 - 好 - Yeah. - Okay.
是袜子兔 It's a sock bunny.
对 我不是有叫你小兔兔？ Ha, ha. Yeah, yeah. Remember how I call you "bunny"?
有吗？ Not really.
我叫过一次 以后我想多叫 Well, I did one time. And I wanna start doing it more.
- 所以做了袜子兔 - 我懂了 - That's what this is about. - I see.
菲比也有做袜子兔 You know, um, Phoebe makes sock bunnies.
不 没有 No. No, she doesn't.
菲比做的是袜子兔子 Phoebe, what she makes, that's... They're sock rabbits.
完全不一样...好啦... They're completely different. Okay, okay.
这不是我做的 对不起 我完全忘了今晚 Okay, I didn't make it. I'm sorry. I totally forgot about tonight...
和做礼物的事 and that we were supposed to make the presents.
- 没关系 我... - 不 当然有关系 - Oh, it's okay. I don't... - No, no, it's not okay. It's not.
你那么...你那么用心 I mean, you're so incredible.
花那么多心血录情歌给我 You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me.
我要补偿你 我一定会的 You know, I'm just gonna... I'm gonna make this up to you. I will.
我会下厨房煮你想吃的菜 I am going to cook you anything you want in here.
进卧房玩你想玩的花样 And I'm going to do anything you want in there.
我的确花了很多心血 Well, I did put a lot of thought into the tape.
哇 Wow.
- 你还小 不该看的 - 哦 哈哈 - You are way too young to have seen that. - Oops. Ha, ha.
再1个半月就是你的生日 Your birthday's in a month and a half.
要是我又忘记准备礼物呢？ What do you say I forget to get you a present for that too?
我百分之百完全原谅你 You are totally and completely 100 percent forgiven.
- 那个得拿去洗 - 没错 - We have got to wash that. - Yeah.
你不是看上一件外套 Hey, do you remember that jacket that you loved so much...
- 又嫌它太贵？ - 你对我已经够好了 - that you thought was too expensive? - You have done enough.
我要一早跑去买来送你 Ha, ha. I'm gonna wake up early and get it for you.
你不必...买黑色 别买咖啡色 No, you don't have... Get it in black, not brown.
- 你的蛋糕好了 - 噢 - Oop. Your cake is ready. - Oop.
俗话说得好"做做爱 吃吃蛋糕" It's like that old saying, "Have sex, eat some cake."
小摩 老钱 我来拿汽水 Hey, Mon. Hey, Chan. Just getting a soda.
你是谁？ Who the hell are you?
乔伊啊 I'm Joey.
你好吗？ How are you doing?
错错错 No, no, no!
"是你好吗？" "How you doing?"
你好吗... 真是的 去走廊等我 "How you doing?" Damn it, Carl. Go wait in the hall.
- 我代替卡尔道歉 - 卡尔是谁？ - Look, I got to apologize on behalf of Carl. - Who the hell is Carl?
我没说吗？ Oh, did I not mention?
我找卡尔来演我的双胞胎兄弟 好参加医学研究 Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project.
有时妙计就在眼前 是吧？ You know, sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, aren't they?
我知道很扯 但搞不好会成功 Look, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work.
唯一的问题是卡尔的演技... But the only problem is Carl's acting is:
唯一的问题？ The only problem?
对 他害我两年前 痛失那只果汁大广告 记得吗？ Yeah. He's the reason I didn't get that big Minute Maid commercial.
我们演兄弟 他却搞砸了 We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up.
嘿 我可以吃一小块蛋糕吗？ Hey. Can I get a little piece of that cake?
彼萨 我们爱吃彼萨 滚出去 Pizza. We like pizza. Get out!
- 派特赛贾克？ - 可以 - Pat Sajak? - Yep.
- 亚历崔贝克？ - 当然 - Alex Trebek? - Oh, of course.
- 恰克乌勒利？ - 绝对行 - Chuck Woolery? - Definitely.
所有的综艺节目主持人 Phoebe, you will not find a single game-show host...
我都能修理 whose ass I cannot kick.
- 说 - 说我们是Unagi - Say it. - Say we are unagi.
不是你是不是 是你有没有 It's not something you are, it's something you have.
快说 Say it.
我可以轻易挣脱 I could easily get out of this...
但你们可能会死得很惨 but there's a chance you could get very, very hurt.
好 卡尔 接着就是我们 记住 这次不能怎样？ All right, Carl, we're next. Now, remember, what is this not gonna be?
- 重蹈那次果汁广告的覆辙 - 没错 - Another Minute Maid fiasco. - That's right.
你不能怎样？ And what are you not gonna do?
- 我不能讲话 因为... - 你还讲 卡尔 - I'm not gonna talk, because... - Ah. Damn it, Carl.
给我下一组的资料... Can I have the next one, please?
谢谢 Thank you.
乔伊和汤尼崔比亚尼 Joey and Tony Tribbiani.
我们就是 That's us.
可是这是双胞胎的研究 But, uh, this is a study for identical twins.
没错 两千大洋 That's right. Two thousand dollars.
但你们不是双胞胎 But you're not identical twins.
都是你啦 卡尔 Damn it, Carl.
我的天哪 Oh, my good God.
嘿 你最爱吃的食物倒数 Hey. Continuing the countdown of your favorite meals.
今晚 第三名 Tonight, number three:
起司通心粉加切丁的热狗 Macaroni and cheese with cut-up hot dogs.
你对我够好了 别再费心了 Look, you have done enough, okay? You have to stop this now.
我会的 但不是今晚 I will, but not tonight.
晚餐音乐就来听你录的带子 For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape that you made me.
- 喔 那卷合辑 - 嗯 - Oh, the mixed tape. - Mm-hm.
# When I'm awfully low #
刚好有收录《你今晚的模样》 Oh. "The Way You Look Tonight" is on here.
陪我跳舞 Dance with me.
# I will feel a glow #
# Just thinking of you #
# And the way you look tonight #
你最好最好了 You are just the sweetest.
你每晚的模样我都爱 钱德 I love the way you look every night, Chandler.
所以我录这卷带子给你 That's why I made you this tape.
生日快乐 爱你的珍妮丝 Happy birthday. Love, Janice. Mwah.
不 你最好最好了 No, you're the sweetest.
小姐们 今天的课到此为止 记住 一定要平安 Okay, ladies, that ends today's class. Let's remember, let's be safe out there.
- 你教得真好 - 谢谢 - Great class. Heh. - Thanks, man.
我看得很仔细 Yeah, yeah. I was watching.
嘿 不过我有一些问题 Um, hey, a couple of questions, though.
刚才最后 Um, you know that last move...
那个女人把你绊倒 压在地上 where that woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor?
你接下来会怎么做？ What would you do next?
她会拿钥匙来刺... Well, then she'd take her keys and jam them in your...
不是 是你会怎么做？ No, no, no. What would you do next?
- 你是说攻击者？ - 是的 - Who, me, the attacker? - Yes, that's right.
干嘛？ Why?
我想偷袭两个女人 却没成功 I tried attacking two women. Did not work.
- 什么？ - 没关系 她们是我的朋友 - What? - No, I mean, it's okay.
我还跟其中一个结过婚 I mean, they're my friends. In fact, I was married to one of them.
你偷击你的前妻？ Let me get this straight. You attacked your ex-wife?
不是... Oh, no, no, no. Heh.
我尝试 I tried.
却打不过她 所以才来找你 But I couldn't. That's why I'm here.
或许我们可以一起对付她们 Maybe we could attack them together.
你不要 That's a no.
我非常非常非常对不起 I am so, so, so sorry.
啊哈 Uh-huh.
我会下厨房煮你想吃的菜 Oh! And I will cook anything you want in here...
进卧房玩你想玩的花样 and do anything you want in there.
你当然得煮 你想得美喔 Yeah, you will, and are you kidding me?
别这样 这是我们的情人节 Come on, Monica, it's our Valentine's Day.
拜托啦？ Please, please, please?
- 好吧 - 好吧 - Okay. - Okay.
# My funny valentine #
# Sweet comic valentine You make me... #
- 要进房间了吗？ - 我要 - So are we going in there? - I am.
# Your looks are laughable #
啊哈 Aha.
你们逃不掉了 Nowhere to run.
我不喜欢坐这里 我要过去... I don't like sitting up here. I'm gonna go over...
瑞秋 是他们先来的 No, Rachel, they got here first.
- 罗斯在干嘛？ - 危险 - Why is Ross doing that? - Danger!
天哪 他干嘛扑向那两个女人？ Oh, my God. Why is he jumping on those women?
我们应该去帮她们 We should help them.
我看她们不需要帮忙 I don't think they need any help.