- 嗨 - 嗨 嗨 小班 - Hi. - Hi! Hi, Ben.
- 嗨 - 厕所紧急事件 - Hi. - We have a bathroom emergency.
- 请用 - 去之前… - Oh, yeah. Go ahead. - Okay, uh, before we do...
没有乔伊特别的 "罗曼史"杂志在里面吧？ ...uh, are any of Joey's special romance magazines in there?
- 没有 - 可以了 - No. - Okay, all clear.
谢谢 菲比 Thanks, Phoebe.
是瑞秋 That's Rachel.
- 随便啦 - 额 - But whatever. - Mm-hm.
可以帮我一个大忙吗？ Could you do me a big favor?
院长办公室召开会议 The, uh, dean's office called and said there was an urgent meeting.
你能替我照看小班一小时吗？ Can you watch Ben for an hour?
- 摩妮卡呢？ - 她不在家 - Well, what about Monica? - Uh, she isn't home.
只有我一个人？ So it would just be me alone?
- 小班也会在 - 不… - Well, Ben would be there. - No...
额… Huh. Um...
- 怎么了？ - 那个 只是… - What's the matter? - Well, uh, you know, it's just, uh...
以前从来不曾 只有我和他单独在一起 I've never done that before. Me and him, alone.
他不是前科犯 He's not an ex-con.
好 好… Okay, okay, okay. Um...
- 我要和他做什么？ - 我不知道 和他讲话 - What do I do with him? - I don't know, talk to him.
娱乐他 让他活着 Entertain him. Keep him alive.
- 好 - 小班 来 - Okay. - Okay, Ben, come here.
我要把你留在这儿和瑞秋阿姨一起一小时 好吗？ I'm gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour, okay?
你可以吧？ Gonna be okay?
- 我想可以 - 我不是和你说话 - I think so. - I wasn't talking to you.
第二位牧师如何？我还蛮喜欢他的 What about the second minister? I kind of liked him.
- 你指喷口水那个？ - 别这样 他没那么糟 - You mean the spitter? - Come on. He wasn't that bad.
你说起来容易 你有面纱 Easy for you to say, you'd be wearing a veil.
- 第三个呢？ - 他一直瞪着你的胸部看 - And the third guy? - He kept staring at your chest.
你能怪他吗？ Can you blame him?
我不希望我说"我愿意"时… I don't like the idea of me saying, "I do"...
他想着 "我也愿意" ...while he's thinking, "I'd do it too."
- 那我们还有一个问题 - 什么？ - Well, then we still have a problem. - With what?
我们需要证婚人 We need someone to perform our wedding...
但他们都太无趣或是讨厌… ...and they're all either boring or annoying...
或是一直瞪着女生看 ...or keep staring at the ladies.
应该让我们其中一人来证婚 Ooh, you should have one of us do it.
我们是要"结婚"结婚 不是"六年级"的结婚 We're getting "married" married, not "6th-grade" married.
是真的 No, it's a real thing.
任何人都能在网络上被任命为牧师然后证婚 Anyone can be ordained on the Internet and perform weddings and stuff.
我要 I call it!
什么？这是我的主意 What? It was my idea!
非常感谢你们 但你们 谁也不会替我们证婚 Thank you very much, but neither of you is marrying us.
提出请求不再有任何意义了吗？ Does calling it not mean anything anymore?
我们要一位正式的牧师 We're having a legitimate clergy member.
我说正式 我指的是同性恋… And when I say legitimate, I mean gay...
而且能控制口水的 ...and in control of his saliva.
小班 你知道 当你还是个婴儿时… Ben, you know, when, uh... When you were a baby...
我们常在一起 ...we'd hang out all the time.
那时我是你爸的女朋友 Because I was your daddy's girlfriend.
可是你现在不是了 But you're not anymore.
- 不 我不是 - 因为你们想分开一下… - No, I'm not. - Because you guys were on a break...
嘿 我们不是… Hey, we were not on a... Okay.
- 我爸什么时候会回来？ - 52分钟后 - When's my daddy coming back? - Fifty-two minutes.
你没有兄弟姐妹 是吧？ So no brothers or sisters, huh?
我有两个姐妹 我们彼此折磨 You know what, I had two sisters and we just tortured each other.
- 真的？像怎样？ - 我们会… - Really? Like how? - Well, you know, we would, um...
重覆另一个人说的每一句话… We'd repeat everything the other said...
或是从衣柜跳出去吓人… ...or, uh, we'd jump out of closets to scare each other...
或是把糖换成盐 让别人把盐倒到早餐麦片里 ...or, ha, switch the sugar for the salt so they put salt on their cereal.
这个不错 That's a good one.
- 你喜欢吗？ - 是 你很好玩 - Yeah, you like that one? - Yeah, you're funny.
我很好玩？ I'm funny?
感谢天 Oh, thank God.
嘿 我有一大堆这种故事 Well, hey, I got a ton of these.
拿一枚25分硬币… Um, you, uh... You take a quarter...
你拿一枚硬币… You take a quarter...
把边缘涂黑 ...and you blacken the edge, right?
然后说"我打赌 你不能让这枚硬币… And then you say, "I bet you can't roll this quarter...
滚过你的下巴而不离开你的脸" ...to your chin without it leaving your face."
等他们这么做了 会在脸正中央留下一条线 And when they do it, they're left with a line down the center of their face.
我可以对你这样吗？ Can I do it to you?
小班 我是幽默 但我不笨 Yeah, I'm funny, Ben, but I'm not stupid.
好吗？ Heh, okay?
你们找到证婚人了吗？ So did you, uh, find anyone to marry you guys yet?
没有 但"痴想摩妮卡"牧师 打电话来… No, but "Horny for Monica" minister called...
想知道我们是否还在一起 ...wondering if we're still together.
- 我们永远不会找到人的 - 那么让我来 - We'll never find anybody. - Then let me do it.
- 乔伊… - 我想过了 - Joe... - No, I've been thinking.
我是个演员 我在人前不会紧张 I'm an actor, so I won't get nervous in front of people.
我不会喷口水 也不会瞪着摩妮卡的胸部看 I won't spit and I won't stare at Monica's breasts.
大家都知道我喜欢的是臀部 Everyone knows I'm an ass man.
- 那是真的 - 最重要的是… - That is true. - And the most important thing...
不是一位几乎不认识你们 的陌生人替你们证婚 ...is it won't be some stranger who barely knows you.
而会是我 我发誓 我会做得很好 It'll be me. And I swear, I'll do a really good job.
还有 我爱你们 这对我意义重大 Plus, I love you guys and it would really mean a lot to me.
这样也蛮酷的 Might be kind of cool.
- 我可以吗？ - 好 你可以 - So I can do it? - Yeah, you can do it.
好 好 All right! Okay!
好 我要开始准备我的演说 Okay, I gotta get started on my speech.
等一下 Wait a minute.
- 网络上任命的牧师还是可以做爱吧？ - 嗯 - Internet ministers can still have sex? - Yeah.
来了 Coming.
我要找你麻烦 I have a bone to pick with you.
- 额 - 对 - Uh-oh. - Yes.
小班学了一个恶作剧 Ben learned a little trick.
- 他是不是…？ - 对 是的 - Oh, did he pull the old...? - That's right, that's right.
马桶座位上包了保鲜膜… Saran wrap on the toilet seat...
于是尿尿喷得到处都是 ...so the pee goes everywhere.
- 哦 那个啊 - 对 那个 - Oh, that. - Yeah, that.
你知道我最恨恶作剧的 You know I hate practical jokes.
恶作剧很毒 很笨 我不要我儿子学会这些 They're mean, they're stupid and I don't want my son learning them.
拜托 马桶包了保鲜膜？ 那没有一点点好笑吗？ Oh, come on. Saran wrap on the toilet seat? Isn't that just a little funny?
- 我赤脚 - 哦 - I was barefoot. - Oh.
你只有教他马桶这一件 对不？ Tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him, right?
对 Yes.
- 嘿 - 向乔伊崔比亚尼牧师打招呼 - Hey. - Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani.
- 你被任命了？ - 对 - You got ordained? - Yeah.
才下网 网上好多色情图片 Just got off the Internet. Man, there's a lot of porn out there.
我们的牧师 Our minister.
我已经写下我在婚礼 要说的话 要听吗？ I started on what I'm gonna say for the ceremony. Want to hear it?
- 好啊 - 注意 这只是第一篇草稿 所以… - Yeah. - Listen, this is just the first draft, so...
"今天我们齐聚此处 在这个喜悦的场合… "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion...
来庆祝摩妮卡和钱德之间特别的爱" ...to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.
啊？对 Huh? Right.
"这是奠基在付出和接受… It is a love based on giving and receiving...
拥有和分享的爱 ...as well as having and sharing.
他们付出和拥有的爱被分享和接受了 And the love that they give and have is shared and received.
借着这样的拥有和付出… And through this having and giving...
以及分享和接受… ...and sharing and receiving...
我们同样分享 爱 和拥有… ...we too can share and love and have...
还有接受" ...and receive."
要不要打电话给喷口水的？ Should we call the spitter?
- 嘿 瑞秋 - 嗨 - Ha! Hey, Rachel. - Hi.
好个惊喜 你怎么在这里？ What a surprise. What are you doing here?
我正好在附近… I was just in the neighborhood...
经过你家 我想 "卡萝和可爱的小班… ...and I passed by your building and thought, "What's up with Carol...
不知道怎么样？" ...and sweet little Ben?"
- 真好 请进 - 好 - That's nice. Well, uh, come on in. - Okay.
我来煮咖啡 然后我们可以聊天 Um, I'll make some coffee and, uh, we can chat.
好啊 我最喜欢这样 I'd love that. I would love that.
可爱的小班呢？ So, uh... So where is sweet little Ben?
我想和小… I would love to have a little...
找到他了 I found him!
好好笑 过来 Very funny. Come here.
这就是我来找你谈的原因 That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you, okay?
- 瑞秋 要加糖吗？ - 好 但… - Rach, you want some sugar? - Yes, but...
我的咖啡要不要加糖？ Do I want sugar in my coffee?
不要 只要加牛奶就好 谢谢 No, just some milk would be good, Carol. Thanks.
记得我昨天教你的那些东西？ Okay. Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
"记得我昨天教你的那些东西？" "Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?"
- 不要这样 - "不要这样" - Don't do that. - "Don't do that."
- 你爸爸不喜欢恶作剧 - "你爸爸不喜欢恶作剧" - Your dad doesn't like pranks. - "Your dad doesn't like pranks."
- 可恶 - "可恶 " - Oh, damn it. - "Oh, damn it!"
不 不要这么说 No! Don't say that.
- 可恶 - 重覆我的说话 - Damn it! - Go back to repeating.
- 可恶 - 真烂 - Damn it! - Oh, crap.
- "真烂 " - 哦 - "Oh, crap!" - Oh.
好 我又写了一些 准备好了吗？ Okay, I got some more written, ready?
是 好 Yeah, okay.
"当我想到这两位付出者 和接受者所分享的爱… "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share...
我禁不住嫉妒 之后一生的拥有和爱… ...I can't help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving...
和付出…" 我想不出这里要用什么字 ...and giving..." And then I can't think of a good word for right here.
- 用"接受"如何？ - 对 - How about "receiving"? - Yes!
乔伊 这不是不好… See, Joe, not that that's not great...
但朋友证婚的好处… ...but one cool thing about having a friend perform the ceremony...
就是能够和我们有关 ...is that it can be about us.
可以更个人 你可以说说 我们的小故事 It can be more personal. You can tell stories about us.
哦 哦 Ooh, ooh.
好 我可以谈伦敦 当你们开始在一起 Uh, okay. Maybe I'll talk about London. You know, when you two hooked up.
我不会说"在一起"… Only I won't say "hooked up"...
我会说"他们美丽的旅程… ...I'll say, "began their beautiful journey...
就是这样 是做出来的" There you go. ...by doing it."
- 乔伊 - 好吧 - Joe. - Okay, all right, um...
所以是怎么开始的？ 你们的双眼越过房间相遇… So, uh... So how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room...
然后你在浴缸里 她在喂你吃草莓？ ...then you're in the bathtub and she's feeding you strawberries?
- 那不是发生在你和伴娘身上吗？ - 对 - Isn't that what happened to you? - Yeah!
我叫它做"伦敦派" I call that "London style."
没发生在我们身上 That didn't happen with us.
也许你应该说有 因为"伦敦派"听来不错 Ooh, but maybe you should say it is, because "London style" sounds nice.
对 Yeah.
好吧 额… Okay, uh...
那天晚上我很难过 因为有个家伙以为我是罗斯的妈 I was sad that night because this guy thought I was Ross' mom.
啊 Ah.
钱德对我很好 一直安慰我… And Chandler was really sweet and he consoled me...
- 而我们喝了很多 - 好啊 宝贝 - ...and we drank too much. - Yeah, baby.
我很绅士地陪她走回 旅馆房间 道了晚安 I was a gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said good night.
哦 Oh.
- 但那晚稍晚时… - 好啊 宝贝 - But then, later that night... - Yeah, baby.
嘿 Hey.
可爱的睡衣 真的想在伦敦过的多彩多姿？ Cute P.J.s. Really living it up here in London, huh?
我想不会再有人来 现在已经… Well, I wasn't exactly expecting company after...
9点15分 ...9:15.
乔伊在吗？ Is Joey here?
上次我看到他时 他和伴娘和一篮草莓在一起 Last I saw he was with a bridesmaid and a bucket of strawberries.
你不会还在为那个家伙的话生气吧？ So, uh, you're not still upset about what that guy told you, are you?
你不会吗？ Wouldn't you be?
这是一个很成人的时刻 你又喝了很多… It's been a really emotional time and you've had a lot to drink...
你必须要让这件事过去 好吗？ You have to let that go, okay?
你是今晚屋里最美的女人 You were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight.
真的？ Really?
你说笑？你是大部份屋里 最美的女人… You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms...
喔 发生什么事了？ 我们亲嘴了 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on? We just made out.
- 我们亲嘴了？ - 现在没有 - We're making out? - Not anymore.
- 可是我们不这样的 - 我知道 我以为会很好玩 - But we don't do that. - I know, I thought it would be fun.
你有多醉？ How drunk are you?
醉到知道我想这么做 但没到你该觉得内疚的地步 Enough to know I want to do this. Not so much that you should feel guilty.
这是最好的程度 That's the perfect amount.
- 你知道哪里奇怪吗？ - 哪里？ - You know what's weird? - What?
- 感觉一点都不奇怪 - 我知道 - This doesn't feel weird. - I know.
- 你的吻功很棒 - 我吻了超过4个女人 - You're a really good kisser. - Well, I have kissed over four women.
- 钻到被窝里？ - 恩 - Want to get under the covers? - Mm-hm.
好 Okay.
哇 你好快 Wow, you are really fast!
我想你会欣赏速度 It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
- 我们要裸体相见了 - 对 - We're gonna see each other naked. - Yep.
- 同时？ - 数到三？ - At the same time? - Count of three?
一 二 三 One, two, three.
我想我们的友谊 很有效的被终结了 Well, I think it's safe to say our friendship is effectively ruined.
- 反正我们本来也没那么亲近 - 额 - Eh, we weren't that close anyway. - Eh.
乔伊 乔伊 乔伊 是乔伊 Joey, Joey, Joey. It's Joey.
嘿 Hey.
嘿 乔伊 我在看电影… Hey, Joe. I was just watching a movie...
老兄 对不起 Oh, dude, I'm so sorry.
不是 No!
没事 我还跟伴娘在一起 It's cool, I'm still with my bridesmaid.
保险套在那儿？ Where are the condoms?
在那边 我的袋子里 In my bag over there.
啊 Ah.
额… Uh...
可以留一个给我吗？ ...could you leave me one?
给你一个人？ For just you?
对 Yeah.
好 给你 老兄 All right. There you go, buddy.
你去疯吧 Go nuts.
原来是为了那件事用的？ That's what that was?
如果我没留一个给你… Can you imagine if I hadn't left you that last one?
你们两个可能永远不会在一起 You two might've never gotten together.
想像一下 如果我照原来计划 送了一个妓女上去会怎样？ Oh, ooh. Can you imagine if I had sent that hooker up, like I was gonna?
- 就像在天上一样 - 恩 - It's like it was in the stars. - Hmm.
是啊 你们是注定在一起的 Yeah, totally meant to be.
告诉他你原先那晚是要去找谁的 Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night.
- 什么？ - 什么？ - What? - What?
什么？ What?
你原先是要去找谁的？ Who did you originally want to hook up with?
好吧 不要生气 Okay, fine, but please don't be upset.
我那时真的很沮丧 好吗？ 而且醉得很厉害 I was really depressed, okay? And really drunk.
我想做又笨又无意义的事 我只想上床 I wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted sex.
所以那晚我到你们房间… So when I went to your room that night...
其实是要找乔伊的 ...I was actually looking for Joey.
好啊 宝贝 Yeah, baby.
不 宝贝 No, baby.
哦 我的天 Oh, my God.
你来找乔伊的？ You came looking for Joey?
- 你有要告诉我吗？ - 没有 我觉得这不重要 - Were you planning on telling me this? - No, I didn't think it was important.
这不重要？这不重要？ It's not important? It's not important?
如果没有那个伴娘 你嫁的会是他而不是我 If it wasn't for a bridesmaid, you'd be marrying him.
不 你知道我有多高兴 乔伊不在那里吗？ No! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey wasn't there?
嘿 Hey!
虽然我是神职人员 可是我还是有感觉的 I'm a man of the cloth but I still have feelings.
现在你不可能替我们证婚 There's no way you're doing this wedding now, okay?
什么？不公平 不是我的错 What? That's not fair. It's not my fault.
我和伴娘在一起 I was with my bridesmaid.
而且谁说我会答应的？ And who's to say I would've said yes?
我是说 我会答应的 I mean, I would've said yes.
你把这件事看得太严重了 Look, you are making way too big a deal out of this.
最后都很好啊 Everything worked out okay.
只是很奇怪 好吗？ It's just weird, okay?
我不要在我立下婚誓时 心里有着你和摩妮卡的影像 I don't want to be saying my vows with the mental image of you and Monica.
我需要…我不知道我要什么 我要去散步 I need... I don't know what I need. I need a walk.
- 等一下 钱德 没有什么大不了的 - 对我是 - Wait, Chandler, it's not a big deal. - It is to me.
你想和蝙蝠侠上床 结果被罗宾打断了 You wanted to sleep with Batman and settled for Robin.
- 这太疯狂了 - 不 罗宾是同性恋 - This is crazy. - No, Robin is so gay.
- 我们都同意了？ - 不再恶作剧 - So now what have we agreed? - No more pranks.
- 还有呢？ - 你和爸爸不是想分开一下 - What else? - You and Daddy were not on a break.
很好 Very good.
瑞秋 你在这里干什么？ Rachel, what are you doing here?
拜访我的好朋友卡萝 I'm just visiting my good friend Carol.
- 你的好朋友？ - 对 - Your good friend? - Yeah.
她姓什么？ What's her last name?
卡萝… Carol...
同性恋 - 很好 ...Lesbian. - Nice.
还有 我脸上那条线… By the way, that, uh... That line down my face...
在今天最后一堂课 让一个学生说… The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say:
"老兄 你从来不洗脸吗？"的那条线 "Dude, don't you ever wash your face?"
我很抱歉没有告诉你 I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
我不要你再教我儿子那些东西 I don't want you teaching my son that stuff anymore.
- 好吗？ - 好 好 - Okay? - Fine. Fine.
我一教他那些东西 他叫我"好玩的瑞秋阿姨" Once I taught him that stuff, he called me "fun Aunt Rachel."
我喜欢做好玩的瑞秋阿姨 And I loved being fun Aunt Rachel.
我很高兴你们能建立感情 但… I'm glad you guys were bonding but...
听着 他没有任何兄弟姊妹 Look, he doesn't have any siblings.
有人得教他这些东西 Somebody has to teach him this stuff.
我没有教他任何 正常6岁小孩不知道的事 I haven't taught him anything a normal 6-year-old doesn't know.
- 好烂 - 我要走了 - Crap! - I gotta go.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
你要这个司康吗？是给我的 但它比较想和你睡 You want this scone? It came for me but it would rather sleep with you.
什么都没发生 Nothing even happened.
我只不要你生气 I just... I don't want you to be upset.
我怎么能不生气？ How can I not be upset?
我终于和这个很棒的女人坠入爱河… I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman...
而她最初要的是你 ...and it turns out she wanted you first.
是啊 某一个晚上的半小时 Yeah, for like a half an hour one night.
钱德 她要和你共渡一生 Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life.
我们看着你们 看到你们 在一起 就是… We look at you and we see you together, and it just...
很配 你知道吗？ It fits, you know?
你就是知道能持续终生 And you just know it's gonna last forever.
这就是你该讲的 That's what you should say.
什么？ What?
当你替我们证婚时 那就是你该说的 When you're marrying us, that's what you should say.
真的？我可以替你们证婚吗？ Really? I could do it?
我希望你替我证婚 I'd love you to do it.
嘿 Hey.
不过那些是你的演讲 一模一样的 But those are the words. Those exact words.
我不太记得了… Well, I don't remember exactly...
是关于拥有和付出和分享和接受 ...but it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
- 你们两个没事了？ - 是啊 - So you guys doing okay? - Yeah.
我们谈过了 摩妮卡让我 知道我反应过度了 We talked and Monica made me see that I overreacted a little bit.
- 有些事是比较重要的 - 是啊 宝贝 - Some things are more important. - Yeah, baby.
很高兴你们没事了 但我一直在想… I'm really glad you guys are okay, but I just keep thinking...
如果你们两个在一起会是什么样子 ...what would've happened if you two had hooked up.
亲爱的 晚饭好了 Honey, dinner's ready!
我的小厨师今晚替我做了什么？ What's my little chef got for me tonight?
- 你最喜欢的 - 哦 哦 哦 - Your favorite. - Ho, ho, ho.
起司杂炒 Fried stuff with cheese.
耶 Yep.
很多很多 And lots of it!
谢谢 甜心 Thanks, sweetheart.
来亲一个… Give me a little sugar. Okay.
你要… You wanna go...?
来 来 来 Here we go, here we go, here we go.
你还可以吗？ How you doing?
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey!
抱歉要再麻烦你一次 你可以替我照顾一下小班吗？ I'm sorry to do this again, but could you look after Ben for a bit?
我在学校有个会要开 I've got this meeting at school...
他说要找"好玩的瑞秋阿姨" ...and he asked for his "fun Aunt Rachel."
当然可以 Well, of course I will watch him.
我们会很开心的 是不是 小班？ We have fun, don't we, Ben?
- 好 待会见 - 好 - Okay. See you later, pal. - Okay.
(屎)
等一下 小班 我不能这么做 Wait a minute. Ben, I can't do it.
- 你背后有东西 - 什么？ - You got something on your back. - What?
好 好极了 That's great. That is great.
小班 我们才说完什么？ What did we just finish talking about, Ben?
"小班 我们才说完什么？" "What did we just finish talking about, Ben?"
好 够了 过来 That's it! Come here!
- 年轻人 你麻烦大了 - 等一下 - You're in big trouble, young man! - No, wait.
小班 过来 我不是开玩笑的 Ben, come here! I am not kidding!
你们要停止… You guys, hold it. Seriously...
我的天 Oh, my God!