如果你刚开始收看 If you're just joining,
史上第一次下载
我们即将见证人类意识 we are about to witness a human consciousness
被重新植入一个打印的克隆体 reinserted into a printed clone body.
克里斯蒂娜·宋正在首次下载现场 Kristina Soon is reporting from the site of the first download.
克里斯蒂娜 科学家们对今天手术的影响 Kristina, what are scientists saying about
有什么看法 the implications of today's procedure?
它们能有效逆转上载过程 Well, that they are effectively reversing the upload process,
让我们离永生更近 bringing us closer to endless corporeal life.
谢谢 克里斯蒂娜 Thanks, Kristina.
稍后我们再来听你从库珀迪诺发回的报道 More from you in Cupertino in a moment.
奥斯卡·梅耶尔智能公司 Oscar Mayer Intel.
突破肉体的界限 Pushing the boundaries of meat.
今晚很重要 Big night.
会很完美的 一切都准备就绪 It'll be perfect. Everything's set.
不 我说的是下载 No, I was talking about the download.
很可能就会轮到我了 That could be me soon.
好了 And there.
对于一个死人来说还不错 Not bad for a dead guy.
很酷吧 So dope, right?
我说不好 照片里 I don't know. It had more...
给人很惊艳的感觉 wow factor in the picture.
要不试试 How about...
这件 This one.
很棒 Yes.
棒 就这件了 我很喜欢 Yes. This is it. I love it.
感觉很合适 This just feels right.
你看上去就像是乔纳斯兄弟 You look like a Jonas brother.
那好啊 反正今晚的主角是我 Great. Tonight's about me anyway.
我觉得不行 我能看看这件吗 I don't think so. Can I see... this one?
你得更新到汀布莱克+ If you upgrade to Timberlake Plus.
好 Okay.
我敢这么穿吗 Do I dare?
敢 Dare.
是的 Yes.
我们还是存钱下载吧 Uh, maybe we save the money for a download.
你开玩笑吗 这很完美 你们给他整理下 Are you kidding? It's perfect, babe. Go on.
嘿嘿 嗨 Oh, hey, hey, hey. Hi.
注意点 Boundaries.
淡定 只是人工智能在工作而已 Relax, it's just the AI doing its job.
好了 Okay.
-我们来谈谈男仕襟花 -好 - Let's talk boutonnieres. - Yes.
-不太是我的风格 -拜托 亲爱的 - Eh, not really my style. - Baby, come on.
今天是我们的日子 对吗 Today is our day. Right?
我为每个细节都筹划了一个月了 I've been planning every detail for a month.
好 Okay.
乖男友 Good boyf.
-芮安 打开你该死的对讲机 -老天 - Rianne, turn your fucking walkie on. - Jesus.
不 雪莉的蜡烛任务需要支援 我... No, Sheri needs candle duty backup. What have I...
你很聪明 同意她的每句话 哥们 Good move just saying yes, bro.
作为帐户持有人 她拥有所有权力 As the account holder, she's got all the power.
-拜托 -哥们 - Please. - Hey, man.
你想要和她争 这是你的葬礼 You want to fight her, it's your funeral.
-我受够各种小问题了 -该死 - I can't deal with any more hiccups. - Oh, shit.
-受不了了 -过来 - I can't. - Hey. Hey, come here.
一切都会很好的 Everything is gonna be great.
这无关食物或装饰 It's not about the food or the decorations.
-还是有点关系的 -重要的是你朋友和家人 - Kinda. - It's about having your friends and family
都来纪念你 好吗 all gathered to honor you. All right?
我会很喜欢的 我保证 I'm gonna love it. I promise.
不是想要打击你 Not to party poop,
但上载葬礼往往会比较逊 but upload funerals tend to be a little, mm... lame.
不 我觉得你是在预测你自己的葬礼 No, I think you're just predicting your own,
不会有几个人来参加 which will probably be poorly attended,
但我很受欢迎 but I was very popular.
我为这一刻等了一辈子了 I've been waiting my whole life for this.
-今晚会超酷的 -对 - Tonight's gonna fucking rock. - Yeah.
好吧 Okay.
我去 Oh, shit!
这边完事了吗 Are we good here?
我要去真的电视上看这个 'Cause, uh, I'm gonna go watch this on a real TV.
无意冒犯 Uh, no offense.
房间里大约有200人见证此刻 There are about 200 people in the room here witnessing this.
你也可以离开 You can go, too.
几秒钟后 鲁珀特·蒂尔福德的意识 Ugh. In seconds, the consciousness
将被重新植入这个由奥斯卡·梅耶尔智能公司 of Rupert Tilford will be reinserted into this clone body,
用他DNA打印出的克隆体内 printed by Oscar Meyer Intel from his DNA.
这是我回家的票 This is my ticket home.
蒂尔福德花了40亿美元 Tilford had the winning bid of $4 billion,
成功竞拍到了 earning him the distinction of
成为人类史上第一次下载的荣誉 becoming the first download in human history.
很多认都会同意 Many would agree the opportunity
在现实生活里重生的机会值得任何价格 to live again in real life is worth any price.
团队在准备 Okay, the team is now cueing up
重新植入的程序 the reinsertion process.
这会把成千上万字节的数据输入克隆体内 This will carry thousands of terabytes of data into the clone.
-那数据就是他的意识 对吗 -没错 - And that data, that's his consciousness, right? - Correct.
这台机器是逆向扫描仪 The machine is a reverse Scanner,
重组他脑细胞里的突触连接 reorganizing the synaptic connections in his brain cells.
鲁珀特 能听到吗 Rupert, can you hear me?
他们联系上了 They've made contact.
我闻到了 I-I smell...
汗味 uh, sweat.
太棒了 It's fantastic.
我又是我自己了 I'm me again.
你有任何感觉吗 Can you feel any sensation?
我能感觉到一切 I can feel everything.
太美妙了 It's so beautiful.
看 Oh. Look.
看 我的手指 我的脚趾 Look, my fingers, my toes.
成功了 It worked!
怎么了 出什么事了 What? What's the matter?
不 Oh. Oh, no.
各项指标正在下降 Uh, levels are dropping.
注射储备单元供给 Inject reserve unit supply.
好了好了 停下 O-Okay, okay, stop.
感觉不太好 Okay, this doesn't feel good.
重新上载我 Re-upload me.
重新上载 快 Re-upload me! Now!
快他妈上载我 去他妈的科学 Fucking upload me! Now! Fuck science!
我是克里斯 This is Kris...
去他妈的科技混蛋 Yeah, fuck those motherfucking tech assholes!
"上载我 上载我" "Upload me! Upload me!"
我 Well, I...
大概得在这里待久一点了 guess I'll be here a little longer than we thought.
没事的 宝贝 That's okay, baby.
我会在这里陪你的 'Cause I'll be right here with you.
宝贝 他们刚刚开门了 Oh, bebs, they just opened the doors.
我得走了 I got to go.
该死 Oh, shit.
你多快能补好 How fast can you fix this?
上载新生 第一季 第三集
你感觉怎么样 卢克 How are you feeling, Luke?
最近吗 没什么好抱怨的 Lately? Can't complain.
我觉得内森是个好朋友 I feel like I found a really great friend in Nathan,
所以我要是感觉不对劲 就把精力集中在这上面 so if I ever start to feel weird, I just focus on that.
真的吗 那挺快的 Really? That was fast.
他的葬礼就要到了 所以 And his funeral is soon, so...
当我成为他可以依靠的完美人选时 when I'm the perfect shoulder to lean on,
我们就能成为最好的朋友了 I think we'll hit best friend status.
可能吧 Possibly.
等等 你知道什么 Wait. What do you know?
你确定他邀请你了吗 Well, are you sure you're invited?
他的葬礼十分钟后不就开始了吗 Doesn't his funeral start in ten minutes?
是啊 我们今天得早点结束了 Yeah. We got to cut it short today.
天使 Angel!
新来的内森住哪个房间 What room is Nathan New Guy in?
哪个内森 内森·格林斯坦吗 Which Nathan? Nathan Greenstein?
-可能吧 新来的内森 -10440 - Sure, Nathan New Guy. - 10440.
天哪 不对 天使 Ew, God, no! Angel!
怎么了 新来的年轻内森 What? Young Nathan New Guy!
-有趣的那个 内森·布朗吗 -对 - Oh, the chisely one? Uh, Nathan Brown? - Yes!
你就没想过先管好你自己的事吗 Oh, well, have you considered minding your own damn business?
我不能因为你一直问我 I cannot keep giving you information just because you...
我没时间听你废话 I don't have time for this bullshit.
-一星 -就告诉你这些信息 - One star! - ask me for the information.
-天使主管 -等等 你不用 - Angel supervisor! - Wait, no, no, no, you don't have to...
-你不用这样 -你好 - You don't have to... - Hi.
我的傻逼天使又犯傻了 我要知道我的挚友 My dumb angel is sucking again. I need the room of
内森·布朗的房间号 my close friend and confidante, Nathan Brown.
要是不告诉我 我就立马跳进数据流 I will throw myself into the torrent right now if I don't get it;
她就让我感觉这么难受 that's how frustrating she's making this whole process.
谢谢你的反馈 我来帮助你 Thank you for your feedback. I can assist you.
内森·布朗住在10556房间 Nathan Brown is in 10556.
-谢谢你 -不客气 - Thank you. - You're so welcome.
天哪 我差点因为你自杀 Jesus Christ, I almost killed myself because of you.
你说这话的时候 You know, when you say that,
-其实已经没有任何意义了 所以 -该死 - it doesn't really have a meaning anymore, so... - Damn it.
他已经过去了 而且看起来很帅气 He's already heading over, and he looks fantastic.
天使 正装选择 Angel, formal suit options.
太平间
别忘了抬起下巴 好吗 Don't forget to keep your chin up, okay?
嗨 希望你喜欢礼品袋 Hi. Enjoy the gift bags.
英格丽 Ingrid.
你超越了自己 You outdid yourself.
请允许我说 丧服很衬你 And may I say, mourning suits you.
德里克 内森真的很期待见到你 Aw, Derek. Nathan's really looking forward to seeing you.
这套西装不错 That's a... that's a nice suit.
你很快就会恢复的 Hey, you are gonna bounce back so fast.
你真是个坚强的女人 You're such a strong woman.
你把他留在那里要花多少钱 How much is it costing you to keep him up there?
好奇问问 别误解我 Just curious. I mean... Don't get me wrong,
我很喜欢他 很喜欢他 为了他我能付出一切 I love the guy. Love the guy. I'd do anything for him.
但是 你知道你还有更好的选择 对吧 But, uh, you know you can do better. Right?
-对吧 -好吧 - Right? - Okay.
我记得那个 Oh, yeah, I remember that.
那是我的最佳五大发型之一 That was one of my top five haircuts.
我岂能错过 Wouldn't miss it for the world.
什么 等等 又怎么了 Hey. What? Wait, what now?
你需要点时间吗 准备好了告诉我 Do you need a minute? On your count, you let me know.
你是来参加葬礼的 You're here for the funeral.
其实这一切都是我女朋友计划好的 Actually, my girlfriend kind of planned the whole thing and...
她不想搞得太热闹 she's trying to keep it pretty small.
选择猫咪
什么 What?
拜托 我不想这么早在我们的友谊里 Come on! Look, man, I didn't want to play the vet card
就提到我是退伍军人的事 this early in our best friendship,
但我是当过兵的 but I wore my dress blues.
这点我没意见 Yeah, I'm not gonna argue with that.
-我们进去吧 -太好了 - Let's do this. - Yes!
-你叫卢克对吧 -是的 - And, Luke? - Yes.
好 Cool.
内森 Nathan.
很遗憾你死了 I'm so sorry about your death.
但我很喜欢你的裤子 And so pleased about your britches.
真心希望这种风格能永远流行下去 I do hope that style returns permanently.
谢谢你来 米尔德丽德 Well, thanks for coming, Mildred...
她是谁 Who is that?
英格丽的奶奶 Ingrid's grandmother.
她一百岁了 Yeah, she a hundred years old.
但她很性感 对吗 Okay, but, like, she's hot, right?
有一种经济大萧条的感觉 Something about that Great Depression vibe,
就像是她为了一罐汤 什么都愿意做 like she'd do anything for a can of soup.
嗯 Yeah.
北丘三一教堂
北丘三一教堂葬礼 下午六点 妮可·米勒 晚上八点 内森·布朗 晚上十点 伊芙琳·琼斯
英格萝·撒克逊 Ing-lo Saxon.
我的小布朗 My Brownie. Hi.
-抱歉 -没事 和我爸妈打个招呼吧 - Sorry. - It's okay. Just say hi to my folks.
谢谢两位来 Hey, guys. Thanks for coming.
我们很喜欢湖景 Well, we love Lakeview
毕竟我们都是霍里森家族的成员 and we are a Horizen family, after all.
三代无限数据 Three generations of unlimited data.
杰克 你的头发今天看起来真干净 Yeah. Jack, your hair looks really clean today.
妈妈帮我洗了 Mommy washed it.
好 All right.
"内森啊" 我都不认识他 Nath-him? I barely knew him.
混蛋 大佬 怎样 D-bag. D-money. What's...
-我了个去 我忘了 -是的 - Fuck me. I forgot. - Yeah.
你已经死了 你好吗 You're dead, man. What's up?
我也来玩一下 I'll take some of that action.
詹米和你在一起吗 Hey, man, is Jamie with you?
我不知道 I don't know, man.
我去接他 他放我鸽子 I-I went to pick him up and he flaked on me.
说他有很多工作要做 Said he had too much work to do,
-说你留给他一个烂摊子 -不是 - said you left him "in a jam." - No.
他都不回我电话 He's not returning my calls.
等等 Hold on.
妈 Mom.
你看起来好真实 You look so real.
真的是我 妈 I am real, Mom.
我看着你爆头了 Well, I watched your head burn off.
好吧 Okay.
东西好吃吗 How's the food?
这是最好的地方 That's the best part.
我们每天都可以吃枫糖培根甜甜圈当早餐 We get to eat maple bacon doughnuts for breakfast every day.
我从来没吃过 I've never had one of those.
记得我在你耳朵边变魔术吗 Remember when I used to pull a quarter from your ear?
我现在做不了了 因为你在电子游戏里 I can't do that now, 'cause you're in a video game.
多么美好的一天 What a beautiful day
来庆祝我们亲爱的上载人内森·布朗 for the celebration of our dearly uploaded Nathan Brown.
由欧莱雅为您呈现 Brought to you by L'Oréal.
请欣赏由内森的记忆 Please enjoy a randomly generated slideshow
随机生成的幻灯片 of Nathan's own memories
以及在我上方的苹果手机图库 and iPhoto library on the screen above me.
周六 他吃了一块巧克力蛋糕 On Saturday, he ate through one slice of chocolate cake,
一个冰淇淋甜筒 one ice cream cone...
我的《汪汪队立大功》灯 My PAW Patrol lamp.
美国尼克儿童频道推出的动作冒险系列动画片
一片芝士 一块香肠切片 One slice of cheese, one slice of salami,
一根棒棒糖 一... one lollipop, one...
马上回来 Be right back.
海浪是怎么回事 What's with the waves?
不知道 I don't know.
设置是这样的 It's a setting.
用来挡住裸体的 They-they use it to cover nudity.
这里也许是挡住他打飞机 Probably in this case, jerking off.
好极了 Perfect.
你是怎么认识内森的 How do you know Nathan?
我吗 我们是同事 Me? We... work together.
你呢 You?
工学院同学 卡内基·梅隆大学 Engineering school. Carnegie Mellon.
我叫贝瑟妮 I'm Bethany.
-我叫霍顿 -我叫格林 - Holden. - Glynn.
我叫诺拉 Nora.
内森在学校里是什么样的 So, what was Nathan like in college?
他是个适应能力很强的新生 He was a well-adjusted freshman
一年比一年更性感 that got hotter every year.
最后 他辅修自恋 By the end, he had a minor in narcissism.
-学校里全是书呆子 -没错 - It was a campus full of nerds. - Yes.
所以他是条小池塘里的大鱼[小圈子里的杰出者] So he was a big fish in a small pond.
他可是马桶里的梭鱼 He was a barracuda in a fucking toilet bowl.
不趾高气扬 只是自得其乐 Not cocky, just on top of the world.
不过他是一个优秀的男朋友 He was a good boyfriend though.
-没错 -等等 - True. - Wait.
你们都跟他交往过 You all dated him?
是的 我们之间都隔了段时间 Yeah, there was a gap between each of us...
很短 但也算是有间隔 A small gap, but a gap.
你跟内森交往过吗 Did you ever date Nathan?
没 没有 Oh, uh, no.
我可能 不是他喜欢的类型 I don't, I don't think I'm his type.
-完全不是 -是吗 - At-at all. - Really?
可我觉得你是 Yeah, I think you are.
我不知道 I don't know.
这张不行 再拍一张 No. Try one more, one more.
停下 真难看 Stop, that's so bad.
你觉得进展如何 Hey. How do you think this is going?
一切都很顺利 对吧 This is going pretty well, right?
等等 他们要去哪里 Wait, where are they going?
公羊队有比赛 Oh, Rams game.
亲爱的 Hey, baby.
内森的记忆闪回
上帝 Lord...
我谷歌过内森·布朗 I googled Nathan Brown.
我很喜欢上面的描述 And I liked what I saw.
我们的内森是称职的儿子 尽职的朋友 Our Nathan was a son, a friend,
做过一次产品模特 a one-time catalog model.
-两次 -是两次 - Two-time. - Two-time.
技艺高超的咖啡师 Accomplished barista...
一款暴力儿童游戏的狂热粉丝 and an avid fan of a violent children's game.
什么 他在玩填字游戏吗 What, is he doing a Mad Libs?
我告诉了他你的基本信息 I gave him some basic info about you.
-他没说错 -不 在他口中我完全不像成熟男人 - He's not wrong. - No, he-he's making me sound immature.
我的工作明明大有建树 I had big things in the works.
问题是最后并没有成功 Well, that didn't exactly pan out.
上帝 你给了诺亚 Lord, you gave Noah
950年 950 years,
涅瓦 我能点超大杯拿铁吗
哈利路 hallelu!
《圣经·诗篇》第88章第10节 Psalm 88:10
逝者在黑暗中还会期待奇迹吗 Do you show your wonders to the dead?
他们的灵魂还能赞颂上帝吗 Do their spirits rise up and praise you?!
我最近一刻也没有休息 黑眼圈加深 So with zero seconds to spare, goggle rings around my eyes.
-什么 -多亏吉娜 - What? - Thank God for Gina.
她做什么了 What-what'd she do...
赶紧调回去 Hey. Hey, turn it back.
我就想看看比分 I'm just checking the score.
马上 Right now.
你怎么认识内森的 So, how do you know Nathan?
我们在2030年一起赢得了南加州射击锦标赛冠军 We won a SoCal Shoot the World tournament back in 2030.
在游戏社区 他们叫我"熊掌" In the gaming community, they call me "Bear Claw."
不算什么大事 你玩吗 No big deal. You play?
不玩 但是我服过役 God, no. No. But I was active duty,
所以是在现实中射击 which is, you know, shooting the real world.
在军队里 他们叫我"下士" In the Army community, they call me "corporal."
很了不起 Very big deal.
很好 Cool.
我希望这个仪式可以更有你的风格 Ah, I wish we could've given you a ceremony that was more you.
只是最近手头很紧 Money's just tight these days.
一切都好吧 But things are okay, right?
我是说 你是不是从詹米那里拿到股利了 I-I mean, you got the payout from the business with Jamie?
我们得到了普通股股息 We got your equity shares.
但说实话 并没有很多钱 And to be honest, it wasn't very much.
詹米说很多钱都用于扫尾工作了 I-I mean, Jamie said a lot went to tying up loose ends
因为你没完成设计 'cause you didn't finish the work.
你就是英格丽·凯纳曼 You're Ingrid Kannerman.
这些都是前菜 Those are a lot of hors d'oeuvres.
抱歉 你是谁 I'm sorry, who are you?
弗兰·布斯 调查员 Fran Booth, investigator.
卫生调查员 Health investigator?
不 是可疑情况调查员 No, a suspicious circumstances investigator.
就把我当成是一名大侦探 Think of me as a famous detective.
关于发生车祸当晚我有一些问题想问你 I have questions for you about the night of the incident.
第一个问题 Question one...
你刚刚突然僵住了 Hmm, you suddenly stiffened.
紧张吗 Nervous?
我只是想要了解你那个 I'm just trying to understand the context
所谓的男朋友提前上载的前因后果 of your so-called boyfriend's premature upload.
他就是我的男朋友 Okay, he's my boyfriend-boyfriend,
而且也不是提前上载 and it was not premature.
他当时快死了 He was dying.
医院可不是这么说的 Not according to the hospital.
他的生命体征正在恢复 His vitals were going back up.
你可能是觊觎汽车公司那一大笔赔偿金 In case you were hoping for a big payout from the car company,
或者另有所图 hope for something else.
弗兰 你是叫这个名字吧 Okay. Fran, is it?
伴手礼里有很多效果惊人的 So there's some really amazing deep hair conditioning masks
深层修复发膜 in those gift bags over there.
或许你会感兴趣 Maybe you should check those out.
傻瓜才用发膜 Hair masks are for ding-dongs.
好 我要去台上讲几句话 Okay. I'm gonna say a few words.
-我会认真听的 -当然 - I'll be listening. - That's good.
-正因此我才告诉你 -嗯 - That's why I told you. - Yeah.
拜拜 Bye.
打扰一下 谢谢各位 Excuse me. Thank you.
感谢各位来这里参加葬礼 Thank you all for being here to celebrate
这里环境优美 精心准备了美味佳肴 in this beautiful location, with a well-curated menu
还有布置得十分雅致的花卉 and tasteful floral arrangements.
尽管今天在很多方面都极其完美 Though today has been blissfully perfect in many ways,
我们仍要记得 we need to remember a tragic event
发生在一位非常重要的人身上的悲剧 that happened to a very important person
他就是鲁珀特·蒂尔福德 Rupert Tilford.
什么 What?
地球村里有良知的人们 The download misfire was a shock to us all,
无不对下载的失败感到震惊 as men and women of good conscience and as a global community.
你可以聚焦于那血淋淋的后果 Now, you can focus on the bloody aftermath...
现场有大量血迹... And there was a lot of blood...
但...你也可以专注于那美妙的四秒种 Or... you can focus on those beautiful four seconds,
那时意识已经回到了他自己的身体 when an upload was back in his own body.
各位 Come on.
我选择经历那四秒 Now, I choose to live in those four seconds,
因为积极的态度是我们在这个世界上 because positive thinking is truly the most powerful force
最强大的力量 we have in this world.
我说得对吧 Am I right?
所以... So...
让我们为那精彩的四秒举杯 to those four seconds.
为那四秒干杯 Those four seconds!
谢谢 Thank you.
宝贝 能为我敲下玻璃杯吗 Babe, um, can you clink your glass again for me?
-当然 小傻瓜 -谢谢 - Oh. Sure, booby. - Thanks.
各位 还有人要发言 Whoops. One more.
各位宾客大家好 Hey. Hey, everyone.
感谢各位的到来 Um, thank you all for coming.
此刻 我想问问大家 At this time, I would just like to ask,
有哪位朋友想聊聊我吗 you know, any of my friends
如果...你想...聊的话 if they want to say... anything... about me.
我 我一直知道你看女子网球比赛会手淫 I-I always knew you jerked it to women's tennis.
-好吧 -是因为选手的哼声吗 还是别的什么 - Okay. - Was it the grunting, or...?
好吧 Okay.
除了叔叔还有其他人想聊吗 Would anyone other than Uncle...
拉里叔叔把你那该死的手放下 Uncle Larry, put your fucking hand down.
有其他人想要说些什么吗 Anyone else at all want to say something?
可以来说一段悼词 德里克 Maybe a nice eulogy? Derek?
他走了 Oh, he's gone.
好吧 Um, okay.
鲍比 Uh, Bobby?
詹米 Jamie?
没来 No-shows.
威廉... Willia...
威廉 William!
威廉 William.
作为内森公寓大楼的经理... Uh, as, uh, manager of Nathan's apartment complex...
不 不 不是你 No. No, no. No.
另外一个威廉 Uh, other William?
他走了 He left.
他以前是个很好的人 He was a nice guy.
我俩同名 都叫威廉 We both were named William.
天啊 我们看看纽约吧 也许... Oh, God. Uh, let's go to New York. Maybe...
嗨 贝瑟妮 格林 霍顿 Hey, Bethany, Glynn, Holden.
什么 What?
不行 No!
不许再看你的前任们 No more exes, please.
我的演讲哪里不好吗 What was wrong with my speech?
你都没提到我 well, you didn't even mention me.
我是说 我不能参与任何细节的设计就算了 I mean, not that I got to choose any details,
但你根本一点都没提我 but to not even be mentioned?
好吧 你有什么想说的吗 Okay, do you have something you want to say?
一个月以前 我都没想过 A month ago, I wasn't even planning on attending
会参加我自己的葬礼 my own funeral,
但我也真没想过 but I really never would've guessed
这葬礼会那么糟糕 that it would suck this hard.
糟糕 Suck?
意大利短款西装套装 Italian cortito suit.
-天啊 -男仕襟花 - Oh, God. - Boutonniere.
酒店小冰箱的薯片 九块一包 Minibar chips at nine bucks a bag.
-我把它放回去了 -那治疗犬呢 - I put those back. - How about therapy dog?
-天使服务 -真好 真好 - Angel service? - Great. Great.
为什么你不直接把我删了 好省下所有的钱 Why don't you just delete me, save all the money?
别逼我这么做 Okay, don't tempt me.
删除内森·布朗 滑动删除上载对象 取消
你朋友德里克说得很清楚 我可以跟他回家 Your friend Derek made it pretty clear I could go home with him.
你说得对 You're right.
是我不知感激 I'm just being ungrateful.
做你想做的吧 So let's just do whatever you want.
谢谢你 Thank you.
-这太悲哀了 -没错 - This is too sad. - Yeah.
如果你要和我们一起的话 We're gonna get a table across the street,
我们打算去街对面吃点东西 if you want to join.
我不行 Oh, uh, I can't.
回家还要花很长时间 Long commute home.
但是 谢谢 But... thanks.
虽然葬礼最后结束得有点不愉快 Yeah. It was really great to meet you,
但是很高兴认识你 even if it did get a little dark towards the end there.
弗兰表姐 Hey, Cousin Fran.
很高兴你能来 Nice of you to come.
很遗憾失去了你 Sorry for your loss.
你生活中有仇敌吗 Do you have any enemies,
能把他们按照想要谋杀你的动机 and can you list them in order of most likely
从大到小列出来吗 to want to kill you to least likely?
什么 这是怎么回事 What? What is this about?
我在帮你妈妈起诉谷歌汽车 I'm helping your mom sue Google Motors.
我认为你的汽车程序被篡改了 It is my theory your car was tampered with.
但你不是调查员 But you're not an investigator.
你只是位中学体育老师 You're a middle school gym teacher.
但我很擅长拼图 I'm excellent at puzzles.
好吧 Okay. Well...
我不记得我有什么仇敌 I don't remember having any enemies.
但我最近记忆出了点问题 But I have been having some memory problems lately.
就像你的车一样 Oh, just like your car.
有意思 Interesting.
-好吧 慢用点心吧 弗兰 -我吃过了 - Right. Well, enjoy the snacks, Fran. - I have.
离开的时候请拿一份欧莱雅礼品袋 Please grab a L'Oréal gift bag on your way out.
谢谢 Thank you.
你应该懂我刚说的话并不是我的本意 对吗 You know I didn't mean those things I said before, right?
我知道 宝贝 I know, babe.
史上最好的葬礼 Best funeral ever.
是的 Yeah.
没错 It was.
芮安 你在哪 Okay, Rianne! Where are you?
无信号 湖景
芮安 Rianne?
狗狗 Yo, dog.
快看 Check it.
是你回来了吗 That you?
是的 Yeah.
《小肉宝》更新了 The new Botox Babies dropped.
等着和你一起看 I saved it to watch together.
太好了 Oh, yes.
你太给力了 You're the best.
好吧 等我一会 All right, give me two seconds.
我去看看洛杉矶有没有人在加班 Just want to see if someone is working late in L.A.
呼叫乔什·皮策 Call Josh Pitzer.
乔什·皮策 Josh Pitzer.
皮策先生 你好 Mr. Pitzer. Hi.
我是纽约的诺拉·安东尼 Nora Antony from New York.
天啊 你那边都凌晨一点了 Christ, it's, like, 1:00 a.m. there.
找我做什么 Why are you stalking me?
我有几个关于内森·布朗的问题 I had a couple questions about Nathan Brown,
他和詹米·阿帕兹来找你谈过一个叫做超越的项目 who came in with Jamie Arpaz to talk about a project called Beyond.
我不会证实或否认这些事 I'm not going to confirm or deny any of that,
鉴于你知道这事 and the fact you have knowledge of it
说明有人破坏了保密协议 所以 tells me that someone's broken an NDA, so...
内森·布朗死了 Nathan Brown is dead.
我刚参加了他的葬礼 I was just at his funeral.
他们都那么年轻 They were both so young.
我是说 我对那个拒绝出售的人 I mean, I was angry
感到很生气 但我绝不想发生这样的事 at the one who refused to sell, but I would never want this.
哪个死了 Which one died?
是害羞的那个还是很帅的那个 Was it the shy one or the-the really good-looking guy?
很帅的那个小伙子 The really good-looking guy.
告诉我 他们为什么拒绝你的投资 Tell me, why did they refuse your investment?
他们没有拒绝 我的意思是 They didn't. I mean,
我不知道你说的是谁 I don't know who you're talking about,
所有这些事都没发生过 and none of that ever happened.
通话结束
接通詹米 Jamie.
无法接通2135 The person at 2-1-3-5-
M% M-percent-sign-
5731892的用户 5-7-3-1-8-9-2 is not available.
提示音后请留言 To leave a message, begin speaking at the tone.
今天是我的葬礼 Hey. It was my funeral today.
是的 德里克来了 Yeah. Derek was there.
他是个大混蛋 He was a huge dick.
我猜他是在勾搭英格丽 I guess he was hitting on Ingrid.
但是我的公寓经理威廉 Uh... oh, but I had a nice toast given to me
为我说了一段感人的悼词 所以 by my apartment manager William, so...
那算是一个大亮点 that was a huge highlight.
总之 看到所有人都到场感觉很奇怪 Anyway, it was just weird seeing everybody.
准确说是几乎所有人 Or, well, almost everybody.
有空打电话给我 兄弟 Give me a call sometime, man.
看来我得在这里多待一段时间了 Looks like I'll be here for a while.
除非英格丽决定停止付账单 Unless Ingrid decides to stop paying the bills.
好了 Okay.
我今天过得太累了 但是 I've had about enough of today, but...
明天又是新的一天 是吗 you know, tomorrow's a new one, right?
或许我到时会再找你聊 Maybe I'll talk to you then.