我想跟你说个故事 I'd like to tell you a story
是有关我对了的一件事 about a time I was right.
欢乐烤炉 家庭面包坊
国内食品集团子公司
我知道你可能在想 Now, I'm sure you're thinking,
"可是谢尔顿 你永远不会错啊" "But, Sheldon, you're never wrong."
而你是对的 And you'd be right.
但这件事还是很值得仔细品味一番 But it's worth taking a closer look at this particular incident.
因为它是由一条吐司所开始 Because it began with a loaf of bread,
并以我与全家人 and ended with me and my family
差点被踢出美利坚合众国收尾 almost being kicked out of the United States of America.
糟糕 Uh-oh.
怎么了 What's the matter?
我的三明治有点问题 Something's wrong with my sandwich.
是坏了吗 Did it go bad?
没有 只是吃起来... 不太一样 No. It just tastes... different.
你要是不想吃 我愿意用我的水饺跟你换 If you don't want it, I'll trade you for my dumplings.
我已经不高兴了 I'm already unhappy.
你觉得水饺能解决这问题吗 Do you really think dumplings will fix the problem?
但是能解决我的问题啊 我烦死吃水饺了 It'll fix my problem. I'm sick of dumplings.
玛丽·库珀 有何能为您祝福 Mary Cooper, how may I bless you?
是妈妈吗 Hello, Mom?
谢尔顿 你没出什么事吧 Sheldon? Everything okay?
-没事 -那怎么了 - No. - What's wrong?
-发生什么事了 -我的三明治吃起来味道不一样 - What happened? - My sandwich tastes different.
跟你说过有紧急的事才能打过来 You know you're not supposed to call unless it's an emergency.
-我知道 -所以你换了什么材料 - I'm well aware. - So what did you change?
我什么都没换 I didn't change anything.
同样的面包 同样的花生酱 同样的果酱 Same bread, same peanut butter, same jelly.
你用同一把刀抹花生酱跟果酱了吗 Did you use one knife for the PB and the J?
-当然没有 -你确定吗 - No. - Are you sure?
我就两年前这么做过一次 That was one time two years ago,
还是因为其他的刀都脏了 and all the other knives were dirty.
是在14个月又11天之前 It was 14 months and 11 days ago.
我们从超级牌吐司换到了欢乐烤炉牌 When we made the big switch from Wonder Bread.
我怎么可能忘记 Oh, how could I forget?
谢尔顿 我什么都没换 Sheldon, I didn't change anything.
我能继续回去工作了吗 Can I get back to work now?
大概吧 I suppose so.
谢谢 再见 Thank you. Bye.
你不跟我说"我爱你"吗 Don't I get an "I love you"?
我爱你 I love you.
再一次 这次别那么有气无力 One more time, with a little more energy.
大概是断线了吧 Must've been disconnected.
我妈妈没有换使用的材料 Well, my mother didn't do anything differently.
你要吃吗 Are you gonna eat it?
比吃还好 我要对它进行科学实验 Better. I'm going to do science on it.
要我就吃掉了 I would eat it.
有必要戴护目镜吗 Are the goggles necessary?
没 但戴上了更有气氛 No, but they really set the mood.
实验对象A 果酱 Okay, subject "A," jelly.
绝对是草莓 也绝对是盛美家牌的 That's definitely strawberry and definitely Smuckers.
实验对象B Subject "B."
是杰夫牌的没错 绵密又美味 That's Jif all right. Creamy and delicious.
那肯定是吐司的问题 It must be the bread.
别着急 这是科学实验 Hold on. This is a scientific experiment.
我们不能先入为主 We can't make assumptions.
实验对象C Subject "C."
就是吐司的问题 It's the bread.
♪ 世上没人比我强壮 ♪ ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
♪ 昨天我移了一座山 ♪ ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
♪ 我相信我能当你的英雄 ♪ ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
♪ 我是个了不起的小家伙 ♪ ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
少 年
谢尔顿
欢迎加入大家庭 摔跤手钢锯 Welcome to the family, Hacksaw.
你好吗 Hey.
你好啊 小乔治 Oh. Hey, Georgie.
你还好吗 You okay?
嗯 Mm-hmm.
你确定吗 You sure?
不太好 Not really.
达斯汀跟我分手了 Um... Dustin broke up with me.
什么 What?
他说我不成熟 He said I was immature.
他疯了吗 Is he crazy?
你身上无处不散发女人气息 Everything about you screams womanhood.
你看 See?
欢乐烤炉家庭面包坊 没换牌子 Happy Hearth Home Bakeries, just like always.
-丹麦有坏事 -什么 - Well, something is rotten in the state of Denmark. ‭- What?
-这是引用莎士比亚啦 妈妈 -真棒 - That's Shakespeare, Mom. ‭- Great.
米希 你今天的三明治吃起来有不一样吗 Missy, did your sandwich taste different today?
我也不知道 我拿去跟别人换巧克力馅饼了 Couldn't tell you. I traded it for a Ding Dong.
你的三明治没有变化 谢尔顿 Your sandwich is exactly the same, Sheldon.
怎么了 What's going on?
这个面包不一样 This bread is different.
我瞧瞧 Let me see.
他有可能是对的 You know, he might be right.
谢利 有可能只是你的味蕾 Shelly, it's probably just your taste buds
随着你长大而改变了 changing as you get older.
但我不喜欢改变 But I don't like change.
那你一定会恨死青春期 Then you're gonna hate puberty.
你的戒指打得我好疼 Got me with your ring.
她没说错 She wasn't wrong.
的确有研究表示味觉会随时间改变 Studies do support that your sense of taste changes over time.
所以面包没改变 是你不一样了 So the bread's the same and you're different?
貌似是的 Apparently so.
不对 就是面包有问题 Nope, it's the bread.
我在想你有没有兴趣一起去 I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat
华夫饼之家吃点东西 at the Waffle House?
不是约会啦 Not like a date.
但我也是最近才伤过心的同道中人 But as someone who recently had his heart broke,
我觉得我能帮助你 I think I could help.
谁伤了你的心啊 Who broke your heart?
我爱你 I love you.
你啊 You did.
对哦 Oh. Yeah.
我只是想说我能理解你的痛苦 I'm just saying, I know what you're going through.
所以如果你需要口袋里都是华夫饼钱的朋友... So if you need a friend with a pocket full of waffle money...
看看这些价钱 Look at these prices.
难怪超市快让我爸妈的店倒闭了 No wonder supermarkets are running my parents out of business.
你父母开的是便利店 Your parents own a convenience store.
便利也是收费的 They charge extra for the convenience.
这里哪里不便利了 How is this not convenient?
先生 打扰一下 Excuse me, sir.
欢乐烤炉家庭面包坊的面包 Has anything changed with the bread
最近有做过任何改变吗 from the Happy Hearth Home Bakeries?
我不知道啊 I have no idea.
你怎么能不知道 你在这里工作啊 How can you not know? You work here.
你想要我怎么样 What do you want from me?
我在这里摆货架一小时只赚3块35 I get $3.35 an hour to stock shelves.
你开玩笑吧 Are you kidding?
我爸给我的周工资是5块钱 My father pays me five dollars a week.
我敢打赌他们一定违反了童工法 I bet they're violating child labor laws.
你看 这条吐司写着 Look. This loaf says
"国内食品集团子公司" "A subsidiary of the Domestic Food Corporation."
这条旧点的吐司上就没有 This older loaf doesn't.
不知道我能不能把我父母告上法庭 I wonder if I can take my parents to court?
闻起来像我本来的吐司 It smells like my bread.
或者跟我姐姐们创建工会 Or I could start a labor union with my sisters.
就是这个 这是我本来的吐司 This is it! This is my bread!
我们可以罢工抗议 We could go on strike.
让他们跪下臣服 Bring them to their knees.
沉冤昭雪 Vindication!
欢乐烤炉家庭烘焙坊 Happy Hearth Home Bakeries,
我是皮特 有何能为您效劳 this is Pete. How can I help you?
你好 皮特 我叫谢尔顿·库珀 Hello, Pete. My name is Sheldon Cooper,
我想知道你们改变了什么配方 and I would like to know what changed
使得你们的三明治白吐司味道不一样了 in your white sandwich loaf to make it taste different?
谢尔顿 挂掉电话 晚餐时间到了 Sheldon, hang up the phone. It's dinner time.
马上来 妈妈 我正在跟美国的企业做抗争 Be right there, Mom. I'm doing battle with corporate America.
抱歉 皮特 I'm sorry, Pete.
你刚才说到哪了 You were saying?
你的面包有没有可能过了保质期 Any chance your bread was past the expiration date?
没有 是新买的 但是我做了尝味比较 No, it was brand-new. But I did a taste comparison
比较了被国内食品集团买下前后产的吐司 after it was bought out by the Domestic Food Corporation,
它们味道绝对不一样 and they are definitely not the same.
我可以跟你保证 "本公司产品 Well, I can assure you that, "The recent acquisition
在最近被国内食品集团收购后 by the Domestic Food Corporation has not affected
品质毫无受到任何影响 the quality of our products in any way.
每一条吐司 烘焙物与糕点 every single bread, baked good, and pastry
都添加了爱 从我们的烤炉直达你家" is made with love. From our hearth to your home."
那为什么味道不一样了 皮特 为什么 Then why does it taste different, Pete? Why?
因为现在所有产品都是高速廉价制成 再见 Well, because now we make everything really cheap and fast. Bye.
我还以为达斯汀有所不同呢 I thought Dustin was different.
我以为他也想保持基督教婚前不性行为 I thought he wanted to live a Christian life like me.
但结果... 他跟其他男生并没有什么不同 But... all he wanted is what every guy wants.
男人啊 Guys.
少来了 你也一样 Oh, please, you're all the same.
你拒绝我 你往我脸上打了一拳 Hey. You rejected me, you punched me in the face,
但我到现在都还没走呢 and I'm still here.
跟你一起吃华夫饼就开心 Happy eating waffles with you.
小乔治 你确定你有办法 Georgie, do you really think you're capable
保持只跟我做普通朋友吗 of just being my friend?
这是个好问题 That's a good question.
我的大脑说可以 My brain says yes.
那你身上其他部分呢 What about the rest of you?
老实说 我不会信任它们 Honestly, I wouldn't trust it.
不好意思 请问您有兴趣签我的请愿书 Excuse me. Would you like to sign my petition
共同抵制欢乐烤炉家庭面包坊吗 against Happy Hearth Home Bakeries?
等我买完出来再说 Maybe on the way out.
不好意思 请问您有兴趣签我的请愿书 Excuse me. Would you like to sign my petition
共同抵制欢乐烤炉家庭面包坊吗 against Happy Hearth Home Bakeries?
等我买完出来再说吧 Oh. Maybe on the way out.
我不想说出来 I hate to say it.
但大家出来的路线 But everybody's way out
都选择了另一边的门 is at the other set of doors.
我注意到了 你觉得为什么会这样呢 I have noticed. Why do you think that is?
胆小呗 他们全都没种 Cowards. The whole bunch of 'em.
吉文斯老师 Mr. Givens!
你好啊 谢尔顿 Hello, Sheldon.
姥姥 这是我的科学课老师 吉文斯先生 Meemaw, this is my science teacher, Mr. Givens.
-幸会幸会 -你好 - Nice to meet ya. - ‭Hi.
有点怪怪的感觉 我从来没想象过 This is strange, I never think of you
你在学校外也存在的情景 as existing outside of school.
我还真存在呢 Well, it turns out I do.
你还来这里买食物 And you're here buying food.
是啊 I am.
有意思 Fascinating.
好啦 All right.
-我们周一见 -稍等 - Well, I'll see you on Monday. - Wait.
您有兴趣签我的请愿书 Would you like to sign my petition
共同抵制欢乐烤炉家庭面包坊吗 against Happy Hearth Home Bakeries?
他们做了什么啊 Well, what have they done?
他们改用高速廉价的方式做面包来节省成本 They're making their bread faster and cheaper to save money.
太坏了 That's terrible.
是啊 你愿意签吗 It is. Would you like to sign?
-愿意 -太好了 - I would. - Excellent.
-我买完出来找你 -谢谢 - I'll get you on the way out. - Thank you.
有一个人了 Well, that's one.
是啊 Yeah.
我知道你很难受 但你必须坚强一点 I know it's tough, but you gotta be strong.
而且记住 你不是一个人 And remember, you're not alone.
喂 Hello?
忙着呢 Kinda busy.
这栋房子里只有一间厕所 小乔治 Well, there's only one bathroom in the house, Georgie,
而且不是用来打电话的 and it's not for phone calls.
我回头再打给你 I got to call you back.
抱歉 Sorry.
你在跟谁煲电话粥 Who you talking to?
那个叫维罗妮卡的女孩吗 That Veronica girl?
是的 Yeah.
你们俩什么情况 What's going on with that?
没情况 我们只是朋友 Nothing. We're just friends.
好吧 如果你什么时候想跟我说说这事 Okay. You ever want to run any of this stuff by me,
我随时都在 I'm here for you.
我为什么会想跟你说 Why would I want to run it by you?
我也曾是个15岁的花样少男 Well, I was once a 15-year-old boy.
我知道对一个女生有强烈的感情是什么感觉 I know what it's like to have strong feelings for a girl.
恶心 我才不会跟你聊这个 Gross. I'm not gonna talk to you about this.
我看过《成长没烦恼》里那个男孩 I-I saw that kid on Who's the Boss
跟同剧演员托尼·丹扎倾诉他的烦恼 talk to Tony Danza about his problems.
他们又没血缘关系 这完全是两码事 They're not related. This is totally different.
我靠 小乔治 你偶尔也冲次水吧 Damn it, Georgie, you could flush once in a while.
仅代表各地热爱三明治的儿童 感谢你 On behalf of sandwich-loving children everywhere, I thank you.
-现在有多少人了 -13个 - How many is that? ‭ 13.
就是面包师傅的一打 A baker's dozen.
我们收拾东西离开这里 好不好 What do you say we pack up and head outta here?
不行 我们得等第七新闻台来 No, we have to wait for Channel 7 news.
第七台 Channel 7?
没错 我今早打给他们 Yes. I called them this morning
说超市这里有一个 and told them there was a human interest story
民众利益相关的事件 at the supermarket.
什么事件 What story?
典型美国事件 Classic Americana.
小人物对抗企业大鳄的贪婪 Little guy versus corporate greed.
宝贝 第七台不会来的 Honey, Channel 7 is not coming.
第七新闻台
你是谢尔顿·库珀吗 You Sheldon Cooper?
是的 女士 Yes, ma'am.
我不是在做梦吧 You got to be kidding me.
我的发型看起来怎么样 How's my hair look?
进行得怎么样啊 Hey, how'd it go?
非常好 转到第七台 Great. Turn to Channel 7.
但我在看球赛 But I'm watching the game.
但我马上会出现在第七台 But I'm going to be on Channel 7.
他在讲什么疯话 What's he talking about?
他会出现在第七台 He's gonna be on Channel 7.
得知欢乐烤炉家庭面包坊 I was shocked to learn that the Happy Hearth Home Bakeries
被国内食品集团买下后 我深感震惊 had been bought out by the Domestic Food Corporation,
他们开始用更快更廉价的方式生产面包 and they started making their bread faster and cheaper.
-你不喜欢这样 是吗 -没错 - And you don't like that, do you? - No.
你现在正收集大家的签名 And you're collecting signatures
-联合抗议他们的做法 -没错 - to make them stop. - I am.
这种事不该由大集团 Corporations shouldn't be allowed to make
独立决定 these decisions on their own.
那应该由谁来决定 Well, who should?
吃这种面包的人 The people who eat the bread.
要是这些大集团受到集中控制 This wouldn't happen if there were centralized control
就不会发生这件事了 over all these big corporations.
你是建议 Are you suggesting
德州政府改走共产主义吗 a communist form of government in Texas?
我想是的 I suppose I am.
等一下 Hang on a sec...
观众们都看到了 本地男孩谢尔顿·库珀 There you have it. Local boy Sheldon Cooper
说德州需要共产主义 says communism is what Texas needs.
要命了 Oh, dear God.
我... 你... I just... You...
为什么... 我... Why... I-I-I-I-I...
你为什么会... Why would you...
你当时在想... What were you th...
-天啊 -冷静点 - Oh, God. - Calm down.
那只是下午四点的新闻 一定没人看到 It was just the 4:00 news. I'm sure no one saw it.
我希望有很多人看到 I hope a lot of people saw it
这样欢乐烤炉就不得不 and Happy Hearth is forced
再次为我国生产好面包 to give our country good bread again.
不 别再提面包 No! No more bread.
别再提国家 别再乱说话了 No more country. No more talking.
失陪 Excuse me.
你要去哪 Where are you going?
我要在我家门口挂起一面美国国旗 I'm gonna go put up an American flag in front of my house.
这主意真好 小丽 我们的国旗在哪 That's a great idea. Mare, where's our flag?
我想想 在车库里 Uh, uh, it's in the garage.
出什么事了吗 Is something wrong?
是的 谢尔顿 出事了 Yes, Sheldon, something is wrong.
又怎么了 Oh, now what?
没人给我说说出什么事了吗 Is anybody going to fill me in?
我现在不方便聊 布兰达 Not a good time, Brenda.
你儿子以后别再跟我儿子玩了 I don't want your boy playing with my boy anymore.
你说什么 Excuse me?
谁去接下电话 Someone get that!
我刚在新闻上看到谢尔顿 I just saw Sheldon on the news.
我不要他给我家比利 He doesn't need to be filling
灌输什么疯狂的共产主义思想 Billy's head with crazy commie ideas.
比坐在鸡蛋上 妄想孵出鸡仔更疯狂吗 Crazier than sitting on an egg and trying to hatch it?
因为我前几天就看到你宝贝儿子干这蠢事 'Cause I saw your precious son do that the other day.
这么说你在监视我们 Oh, so you're spying on us.
很高兴我发现了这事 Good to know.
对 我很清楚我们国家正处于冷战时期 Yes, I do understand we're in the middle of a cold war.
1947年-1991年间美国与众资本主义阵营 苏联与众社会主义阵营国家间的不动武斗争
但你有没看见 But have you seen
在莫斯科有多少人排队买面包啊 how many people wait in line for bread in Moscow?
这说明他们的面包一定很好吃 It stands to reason their bread must be great.
你在跟谁讲电话 Who you talking to?
-《时代》杂志的记者 -不 - A reporter from Time magazine. - No!
他不是那个意思 He didn't mean it.
上帝保佑美国 God bless America.
-卖国贼 -没错 滚回苏联去吧 - Traitors. - Yeah, go back to Russia.
滚回 Go back?
我压根就没去过好吗 I've never been there in the first place.
祝你今天愉快 小乔治 Well, have a great day, Georgie.
还愉快 你疯了吗 A great day? Are you out of your mind?
我们都玩完了 Our lives are over.
就你这负面态度 你永远都不会愉快 Well, you'll never have a great day with that attitude.
♪ 你是一面伟大古老的旗帜 ♪ ♪ You're a grand old flag ♪
♪ 一面怀有雄心壮志的旗帜 ♪ ♪ You're a high-flying flag ♪
♪ 愿你永远和平飘扬 ♪ ♪ And forever in peace may you wave ♪
♪ 你象征着我所热爱的土地 ♪ ♪ You're the emblem of the land I love ♪
♪ 那里是自由人民和... ♪ ♪ The home of the free and the... ♪
我妈的小纸条都写到你 Look, you made my mom's note.
"别跟谢尔顿说话 妈妈字" "Don't talk to Sheldon. Mom."
没关系 平时基本上也是我说你听 That's fine. I usually do most of the talking.
这倒是真的 Yes, you do.
♪ 我的祖国 ♪ ♪ My country, 'tis of thee ♪
♪ 你是自由美好的土地 ♪ ♪ Sweet land of liberty ♪
♪ 我歌颂你 ♪ ♪ Of thee I sing ♪
♪ 我们的父辈在此牺牲 ♪ ♪ Land where our fathers died, la... ♪
一起唱 Sing along.
♪ 这里承载着朝圣者的自尊 ♪ ♪ Land of the pilgrims' pride... ♪
我能坐下吗 Mind if I sit?
你确定被人看见你跟我一起没关系吗 Y-You sure you want to be seen with me?
拜托 你才不是共党 Oh, please. You're not a commie.
其他人似乎都认为我是 Everyone else seems to think I am.
你知道共产党是什么吗 Do you even know what a communist is?
就是《洛奇4》里跟洛奇对打的金发大个儿 Yeah. It's the big blond guy Rocky fights in Rocky IV.
他演蓝博时的对手也是共党 And he also fights them when he's Rambo.
这两个角色均由史泰龙饰演
-就这样吗 -还有 - That's it? - ‭Well,
我知道每部电影里共党好像都会赢 I know in every movie it looks like the commies are gonna win,
但其实他们休想 but they don't.
你有看过洛奇系列的电影吗 You ever seen any Rocky movies?
我看过《洛奇2》 Um, I saw Rocky II.
就是第二部 That's the second one.
♪ 这面星条旗 ♪ ♪ Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner ♪
♪ 是否... ♪ ♪ Yet wave... ♪
你有事找我吗 Hey, you wanted to see me?
坐下 Have a seat.
知道吗 我今天接到了无数通电话 Guess what I've been getting a lot of calls about today.
我知道情况看起来很糟 但我们在处理了 I know it looks bad, but we're handling it.
很快人们就会淡忘的 It-It'll all blow over.
抱歉 乔治 但我不能 I'm sorry, George, but I can't have
让一个疑似共党分子的人教我们队员 a suspected communist coaching our boys.
汤姆 我可不是... Whoa, Tom. I'm not...
我热爱我的祖国 I love my country.
整件事不过是谢尔顿为了吐司 This is just Sheldon getting bent out of shape
大发雷霆 over a loaf of bread.
这吐司最好值得你丢掉饭碗 Well, this bread better be worth you losing your job.
等一下 给我个机会弥补此事 Now, hang on. G-Give me a chance to fix it.
拜托了 Please.
好吧 乔治 All right, George.
但如果再有一名怒气冲冲的家长打给我... But if I hear from one more angry parent...
谢谢你 非常感谢 Thank you. Thank you.
他不在 He's not here.
玛丽 你也知道这些人是无神论者 Mary, you understand these people are atheists.
我明白 他们跟我不是同类 I get it. They're not my people.
你才是我的同类 You're my people.
那这到底是怎么回事 Then what's this all about?
我儿子不过是想要更好的吐司 My son just wanted a better sandwich.
你们怎么就听不懂呢 Why is this so hard for y'all to understand?!
♪ 从山岳 ♪ ♪ From the mountains ♪
♪ 到草原 ♪ ♪ To the prairies ♪
♪ 到泛着白沫的汪洋 ♪ ♪ To the oceans white with foam ♪
♪ 上帝保佑美国 ♪ ♪ God bless America ♪
♪ 我们甜蜜的家园 ♪ ♪ Our home sweet home... ♪
-死共党 -去你妈的 - Pinko! ‭- Screw you!
♪ 上帝保佑美国 ♪ ♪ God bless America... ♪
三 二 Three, two...
谢谢贵节目邀请我来 Thanks for having me on.
不客气 You're welcome.
听说你想将你儿子是共党的事 Now, I understand you wanted to set the record straight
解释清楚 regarding your son's communism.
没错 不对 Yes. N-No!
他不是共党 他才十岁 He's not a communist. He's ten years old.
听着 我为这个国家奋战过 Listen, I fought for this country.
我热爱这个国家 I love this country.
我家孩子们也热爱这个国家 My kids love this country.
对不对 谢尔顿 Isn't that right, Sheldon?
对 Yes.
不过 平心而论 Although, in all fairness,
我国的社会保障制度只是种... the Social Security system is a form of...
-你热爱这个国家 -我热爱这个国家 - You love this country! - I love this country.
我有些很重要的话想说 I have something important that I'd like to say.
在过去几天里 我再给了 These last few days I've been giving
新的欢乐烤炉牌吐司一次机会 the new Happy Hearth brand another chance
我决定了 它们味道也不错 and I've decided it's not so bad.
还很适合做烤吐司 Also it toasts well.
所以 我认为 So, I'm going to say
那代表我有所成长 that's a sign of personl growth on my part.
甚至可以说 是变成熟了 In fact, let's call it maturity.
还是不肯跟我说话吗 Still not talking to me, huh.
我明天再试试 Well, I'll check back in tomorrow.