科学之战是真实存在的 Scientific rivalries are a fact of life.
竞争关系的科学家合作项目时 When two competing scientists work on a project,
有可能会变成不堪的智力拳击赛 it can devolve into an intellectual boxing match.
历史上曾有过几次经典大对决 Over the years, there's been a few classic heavyweight bouts.
牛顿与莱布尼兹的微积分之战 Newton and Leibniz.
特斯拉与爱迪生的电流大战 Tesla and Edison.
还有一场较少人知道 但也同样你死我活的 And in a lesser-known but equally brutal bout...
林克莱特大战斯特吉斯 Linkletter versus Sturgis,
决战弱鸡之巅 The Tussle with No Muscle.
来对比一下他们赛场上的数据 Let's see how they stack up in a tale of the tape.
戴着眼镜的是托皮卡市发现者 In the wire frame glasses, the Eureka from Topeka,
格兰特·林克莱特 Grant Linkletter.
智商159 I.Q. 159.
发表论文272篇 Papers published: 272.
晚上就寝时间8点半 Bed time: 8:30.
接下来是他的对手 And his opponent,
穿着他最喜欢的舒适鞋子 in his favorite sensible shoes,
缅因大脑 The Brain from Maine,
约翰·伯吉斯·斯特吉斯 John Burgess Sturgis!
智商162 I.Q. 162.
发表论文221篇 Papers published: 221.
平日就寝时间7点45 Bedtime: 7:45 on weekdays,
周六晚9点睡 9:00 on Saturday night.
戴稳各位的聪明帽 大战马上开始 Fasten your thinking caps and let's get it on.
轴子的自由流长度太长 The free-streaming length of the axion is too long.
波动会被消除 It'll erase the fluctuations.
你完全忘了这是非相对论性的暗物质吧 You're completely forgetting that it is nonrelativistic dark matter.
你永远得不到足够的解析度来观测到微开的特性 You'll never have the resolution to see microkelvin features.
你的大脑皮层就跟你的头顶一样平吧 I think your brain is as smooth as the top of your head.
秃顶玩笑也太没品了吧 格兰特 Low blow, Grant.
他说得对 两位出招请保持在科学范围内 He's right, gentlemen, let's keep it to science.
你永远得不到足够的解析度来观测到微开的特性 You'll never have the resolution to see microkelvin features.
♪ 世上没人比我强壮 ♪ ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
♪ 昨天我移了一座山 ♪ ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
♪ 我相信我能当你的英雄 ♪ ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
♪ 我是个了不起的小家伙 ♪ ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
少 年
谢尔顿
我忍不了再跟那个装逼小贼合作哪怕一天 I cannot work with that creepy little know-it-all one more day.
抱歉 你是在说谢尔顿还是斯特吉斯 I-I'm sorry, but are we talking about Sheldon or Sturgis?
斯特吉斯啊 其实两个都是 但主要是他 Sturgis. Well, both, but mostly Sturgis.
他这个人听不进任何人的意见 He's not interested in anyone else's input.
抱歉 是在说谢尔顿还是林克莱特 I-I'm sorry, Sheldon or Linkletter?
林克莱特啊 Linkletter.
好的 您继续 Ah, got it. Continue.
怎么样 Well?
但不是你希望斯特吉斯博士来合作吗 But I thought you wanted Dr. Sturgis on this project.
我承认约翰有过贡献 但现在他只会拖后腿 I'll admit John has been useful, but now he's just slowing us down.
但他能让谢尔顿高兴 Well, he keeps Sheldon happy,
谢尔顿一高兴 就不会来我办公室 and when Sheldon's happy, he's not in this office.
他不来你办公室的时候 就上我这里来了 Well, but when he's not in your office, he's in my office.
你就"既来之则安之吧" Eh, "Dem's da breaks."
我是被找来救火的 I was brought in to help
但林克莱特博士不重视我的贡献 but Dr. Linkletter doesn't value my input.
我听懂了 这一定很难受吧 Oh, I hear you. That must be tough.
打从他被拉进来 他就处处都跟我作对 Ever since he was brought back, he contradicts everything I say.
我听懂了 这一定很难受吧 I hear you. That must be tough.
一开始的时候 他们斗嘴能激发灵感 There was a time when their arguing brought out
但现在斗的嘴单纯只是浪费宝贵时间罢了 the best in them, but now it's just hindering our work.
我听懂了 这一定很难受吧 I hear you. That must be tough.
谢谢你的理解 Thank you for understanding.
你要保守秘密啊 我看好你能领导好团队 And between us, I am counting on you being in charge.
太好了 Excellent.
你才是这个项目的老大 You're the alpha dog on this project.
这就对了 Very good.
但这件事得昭告天下吧 But shouldn't we tell everyone?
不不不 不行 不能让人觉得我偏袒你 Oh, no, no, no, no. I can't be seen as playing favorites.
反正最重要的是天知地知你知我知 But what's important is that I know and you know.
聪明 Smart.
再聪明也没有你聪明啊 But not as smart as you.
你别说出去 但我要告诉你 Which is why, uh, just between us,
我就指望着你能带领这列车走在正轨上 I am counting on you to keep the train on the tracks.
我很感谢你对我投下的信任票 Well, I appreciate the vote of confidence.
-以及特意为我用的火车哏 -那就好 - And the sweet train metaphor. - Well, good.
我也只是希望你能高兴嘛 You know, I just want you to be happy.
某种程度上来说 我就像是你从未有过的儿子吧 I guess in a way I'm kind of like the son you never had.
算吧 Sure.
这样也挺好的 毕竟你过了生育年龄很久了 Which is nice, because you're far too old to have children now.
托您的福 我感到毫不难过 And you make me feel okay about that.
等等 Wait.
4号机 20块 谢谢 $20 on pump four, please.
没问题 You got it.
给 Here you go.
这是什么 What's this?
新彩票的促销活动 Promotion for the new lottery.
每加38升油就送一张免费刮刮乐 Every ten gallons, you get a free scratcher.
我觉得赌博不好 Oh, I don't believe in gambling.
好 那我就收下了 Great, I'll take it.
我觉得赌博对你也不好 Oh, I don't believe you should be gambling, either.
你到底还要不要 So, you don't want it?
-不要 -那我要开刮了 - No. - Then I'm scratching it.
抱歉 有我在谁都不许赌 Sorry. Not on my watch.
以后上天堂了再谢我吧 You can thank me in heaven.
这是什么公式 What's this formula?
昨天不在这黑板上啊 This wasn't here yesterday.
林克莱特博士在你走之后加上去的 Dr. Linkletter added it after you left.
他是故意在搞笑吗 Was he trying to be funny?
他的确是有在笑你的"逗比数学" He was giggling at your "Feebleminded math."
我原话转述 His words.
他是在试图把 He's trying to approximate
宇宙背景辐射设为R/Z the cosmic background radiation by setting it at one Rydberg over Z,
他还好意思说我的数学逗比 and my math is feebleminded?
你在发什么疯 What do you think you're doing?
我要把预估值改到 I'm changing the estimate
罗伯特·迪克推算的45开氏度 to Robert Dicke's value of 45 kelvin.
他上次发疯的时候我人不在没看到 I wasn't here the last time he went off his rocker.
原来就是这样子吗 Is this what it looked like?
我脑子很清楚 我告诉你 I'm perfectly sane, and I'm telling you,
迪克的推算才是正确的 Dicke's estimate is the way to go.
我告诉你 我们就是得用 And I'm telling you we need to use
R/Z 这是最终决定 one Rydberg over Z, and that is final.
是吗 你个白化竹竿 Oh, is it, you albino beanpole?
斯特吉斯博士 Dr. Sturgis.
是他先吐槽我的精神状况 He impugned my mental stability.
公平起见 你的吐槽成立 Fair enough. Your insult stands.
谢谢 竹竿 Thank you. Beanpole.
哇塞 Oh, man.
神啊 我发誓 God, I swear I'll never ask
再开一个500给我 我此生再也不要别的 for anything again, just one more 500.
谢谢 Thank you.
梅丽莎·库珀 你拿着那东西干什么 Melissa Cooper, what are you doing with that?
我捡到的 I found it.
那是我的东西 我丢掉是有理由的 Well, it is mine, and I threw it away for a reason.
捡到就是我的了 我要中500块啦 It's mine now, and I might win 500 bucks.
你想得美 Oh, no, you won't.
-我之后给你分红 -不行 - I'll split it with you. - No.
你干嘛这么烦啊 Why are you being so lame?
金钱是买不到快乐的 Because money does not buy happiness.
电视上的新鲜王子就挺高兴的啊 Fresh Prince seems pretty happy.
他没有钱 是寄住的姨夫家有钱 It is not his money, it's his Uncle Phil's!
这是我祈祷来的 你得分我一半 Half of that's mine. I prayed for it.
回你的房间 Go to your room.
你在浪费宝贵时间 You're wasting valuable time.
我没有 你才在浪费 I'm not, you are.
先生们 请让这辆研究列车保持正轨... Gentlemen, if we could please keep this train on the tracks...
我们按我的计划走就会在正轨了 We'll be on track if we follow my plan,
所以抱歉 我必须要坚持己见了 so I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist.
坚持个大头鬼 Insist?
你又不是团队的老大 You're not the alpha dog around here.
我同意 I agree.
这话说出来你俩可能会不好受 This may be hard for both of you to hear,
但哈格迈尔校长指派我为领导 but President Hagemeyer put me in charge.
我知道你这话肯定是假的 I know for a fact that isn't true,
因为她让我当领导 because she put me in charge.
我们可能有个问题 We may have a problem.
我能说什么 What can I say?
总得试试 万一呢 I tried something.
你真觉得分别骗我们是团队领导 So you really thought you could tell us we were all in charge
我们不会发现吗 and we wouldn't figure it out?
我只想说 我也明确告诉过你们三个 Well, in my defense, I said to each of you,
"你要保守秘密啊" "Let's keep this between us."
你们破坏了我的信任 我有点失望 I'm a little disappointed that you broke my trust.
的确 我们很对不起 That is true. We're sorry.
别道歉 她使手段想操纵我们呢 Don't apologize for that. We were being manipulated.
第一个说出秘密的就是你 You were the one who blabbed first.
那是因为你一直在拖大家后腿 That's because you kept slowing us down
提一堆过时的主意 with your outmoded ideas.
先生们 如果你们都能按我说的... Gentlemen, if we could just follow my plan...
-不要 -不要 - No. - No.
希望你们能开始理解 Well, I hope that you're starting
我要想让任何人当领导会碰到的困境 to see the challenge I faced putting any of you in charge.
你说得对 我们很抱歉 You're right, we're sorry.
-别道歉了 -对不起 - Stop that. - Sorry.
在项目领导被选出来之前 我们无法继续 Well, we can't move forward until a project leader is chosen.
他说得对 我愿意接下来 He's right, I'll do it.
-你就是个孩子 -你才是老屁孩 - You're a child. - You're a child.
你们都是幼稚鬼 Oh, you're all children.
抱歉 抱歉 Sorry. Sorry.
所以到底选谁呢 Well, who's it gonna be?
先生们 我是卡萝·李博士 Gentlemen, I'm Dr. Carol Lee,
新的实验宇宙学中心主任 director of the new experimental cosmology center.
你有什么资格能领导我们的项目 What makes you qualified to lead our project?
-对啊 -对啊 - Yeah. - Yeah.
我有伯克利大学的物理博士学位 Well, I have a PhD in physics from Berkeley,
我曾经在IBM的沃森研究中心工作 I worked at IBM's Watson Research Center
领导材料研究团队 as lead of the materials research group,
我还养大了3个小男孩 and I raised three little boys,
恰好跟你们3个家伙如出一辙 which I understand you've been acting like.
感觉她十分有资格能胜任 Sounds like she can handle it.
亲爱的主啊 请原谅我的罪 Dear Lord, please forgive me.
我不应该刮完那张刮刮乐 I shouldn't have finished that scratcher.
那是不对的 That was wrong.
但我现在刮到了这份奖金 我们家真的用得上 But now that I have the money, my family could really use it.
我知道赌博是有罪的 I know. Gambling is a sin.
但是呢 我没有花钱买那张刮刮卡 Although, I didn't buy the scratcher,
这样还算是赌博吗 so is that even gambling?
为什么米希说我们家发财了 Why is Missy saying we're rich?
我建议我们在屋顶架一座电波望远镜 I suggest we mount a radio telescope on the roof
这样我们就能清楚得到电波波动的数据 so that we can get a good read on the fluctuations in radiation.
太棒了 Excellent.
我们挑选某一小块天空 然后深入研究 We'll pick a small region of the sky and drill down.
哎哟哟 悠着点吧 Whoa, whoa, pump your brakes.
我们需要至少45平方度的天空 We need at least a 45-square-degree sector of the sky
才有机会得到任何有实际意义的数据啊 in order to take any meaningful readings.
太扯了吧 我们需要做的 That's ridiculous. What we need to do is cut
是从地平线切开一条线来观测 a single linear section across the horizon.
不 如果我们不集中观测 是得不到有用数据的 No, if we don't focus, we won't get any useful data.
我建议最多20弧分 I suggest 20 arc minutes max.
妙招是要挑到一个好地点 The trick is to pick a good spot.
想看妙招去看魔术师吧 You want a trick? Go see David Copperfield.
要不我来把你变不见吧 How about I make you disappear?
是我让你们去角落冷静 Do I need to separate you?
还是我们能齐心协力 Or can we try to put our minds together
为了科学进步而合作 for the advancement of science?
第二种 The second one.
女士 我知道你刚来还不熟 但我们都是这样 I know you're new here, ma'am, but this is our process.
他们斗嘴 我负责收场拯救世界 They argue, I swoop in and save the day.
虽然过程有点奇葩 但... It may seem unorthodox to you, however...
第... 第二种 The-the second one.
我告诉你 我们不能留下来 I'm gonna tell you right now, we can't keep it.
又不是捡到流浪狗 这可是500块啊 玛丽 It's not a puppy, Mary, it's 500 bucks.
这是赌博 It is gambling.
那你为什么买 Then why'd you buy the ticket?
我没买啊 是加油站的人送的 I didn't buy it. They gave it to me at the gas station.
感觉这是上天要赐我们的礼物啊 Okay, well, that sounds like a gift from God.
你不能违背祂的好意啊 You don't want to make Him mad.
主才不会这样呢 乔治 That is not how God works, George.
假如祂是希望你收下然后捐给教会呢 What if he wanted you to have it to give to the Church?
这个... Well...
从上一句引申 假如祂是希望你收下 Well, uh, based on that, what if he wanted you to have it
-用来买东西呢 -乔治 - so we could buy stuff? - George.
我想说的是 我们辛勤工作 正直善良 All I'm saying is, we work hard, we're good people.
也许这是我们应得的 Maybe we deserve this.
如果能有台洗碗机是挺好的 I guess a dishwasher might be nice.
这就对了 去买洗碗机 There you go. Get a dishwasher.
我说不好 我再考虑考虑 I don't know. I'll think about it.
有什么好考虑的 偶尔也要享乐一下 What's to think about? Have some fun for once.
我们要用那笔钱去享乐吗 Ooh, we getting something fun with the money?
我们在商量买台洗碗机 We're talking about a dishwasher.
你们的梦想几时消逝的 When did your dreams die?
-有了小孩之后 -乔治 - When we had kids. - George.
当时我正扛着脉冲发生器 站在离地 I was carrying pulsers 75 feet up
75英尺的湿滑金属梯上 a wet metal ladder
突然发生了地震 when there was an earthquake.
我为了活命紧紧抓着... So, I am hanging on for dear life...
我们应该在各栋建筑的屋顶上 Ooh, we should set up several radio telescopes
组建电波望远镜阵列 on different rooftops in an array.
这个小孩有没有消停的时候
你会说中文 You speak Mandarin.
当然
你也会说中文对吧
对
你质疑谢尔顿的嘴消停不下来的
我听见我名字了 他们在说什么 I heard my name. What are they saying?
我不会说中文 只会一点法语 I don't speak Mandarin. Just a little French.
真的吗 Oh, really?
我刚才问谢尔顿有没有消停的时候
哈 Ha!
我倒希望他有
在场有人会说克林贡语吗[《星际旅行》] Well, does anyone here speak Klingon?
你把巧克力藏在哪
-李博士 -谢尔顿 - Dr. Lee? - Sheldon.
我能占用您一点时间吗 May I have a moment of your time?
当然 请进 Of course, come in.
坐吧 Sit.
你有什么事 How can I help you?
我感觉我的贡献没受到重视 I feel like my contributions aren't being taken seriously.
很遗憾你有这种感觉 Oh, well, I'm sorry you feel that way,
但我有仔细倾听每个人的提议 but I'm listening to everyone's contributions.
可你没接纳我任何一条提议 But you're not taking any of mine.
确实 但林克莱特和斯特吉斯博士 No. But Drs. Linkletter and Sturgis
似乎对我们现在的走向很满意 seem happy with the direction we're headed.
我想是因为 Well, I think it's because
你利用了女人的小心机 you're using your feminine wiles.
你认为那具体指什么 And what exactly do you think that means?
我不确定 但你涂了唇釉 I'm not sure, but you are wearing lip gloss
看似有良好的的卫生习惯 and seem to have good hygiene.
如果你想用同样招数来对付我 是行不通的 And if you're trying to use them on me, it's not going to work.
谢尔顿 我向你保证 Sheldon, I assure you
我只是想做 that I'm just trying to do
对项目最有利的事 what's best for the project.
好极了 那你最好 Excellent, then you'll want to set up
组建电波望远镜阵列 several telescopes in an array.
知道了 但... I hear you, but... ghobe'.
等下 那是克林贡语的"不" 你会说克林贡语 Wait, that's "No" in Klingon. Do you speak Klingon?
我只查了那一个词 I looked up that one word.
我有预感会用得上 I had a feeling it would come in handy.
你看这台超净二号 Ooh, look at the Ultra-Clean Two.
有五个清洗流程 It's got five washing cycles.
我不确定 乔治 这种好贵 I don't know, George, these are really expensive.
你赢了钱就该豪爽地花掉啊 You won the money. Spend it.
也许我们该买一台更实惠的 Maybe we should just get a more affordable one.
我们一直精打细算过日子 偶尔也要挥霍一把 Everything we do is affordable. Uh... splurge for once.
可这太奢华了 It's so extravagant.
你说得好像我们在商量 You'd think we were talking about
买派对钓鱼船 buying a party boat.
不过是台洗碗机而已 It's a dishwasher, for crying out loud.
但这钱来得不光彩 总感觉这样做不对 But the way we got the money, it just doesn't feel right.
你意思是你绝不能接受 So you're telling me you're never okay
偶尔钻空子 变通一下 with bending the rules once in a while?
这有违基督徒的原则 That's not how being a Christian works.
挺好的 Good to know.
你在干什么 What are you doing?
帮你当个好基督徒 Oh, just helping you be a good Christian.
李博士霸占了项目 Dr. Lee had commandeered the project,
林克莱特和斯特吉斯博士都没意见 and Drs. Linkletter and Sturgis were okay with it.
所有人都好刻薄 我应付不了 Everyone was being mean, and I was out of my depth.
我需要建议才知道该如何推进 I needed advice on how to proceed.
幸好 离我几步之遥 Thankfully, I was mere feet away
就有一个欺负了我一辈子的人 from the person who had been mean to me
她出生那刻就试图用脐带勒死我 since she tried strangling me with her umbilical cord.
干嘛 What?
这个李博士让你的朋友都背叛你了 So, this Dr. Lee is turning your friends against you?
基本上是这样 Essentially.
典型招数 Classic move.
大部分躲在学校厕所哭的女生 Most girls you find crying in the school bathroom,
都是被这招阴的 that was it.
我该怎么做 What do I do?
你现在处境艰难 Well, you're in a tough spot
因为你本身不招人待见 'cause your personality is ugh.
现在对我刻薄的人已经够多了 There's enough people being mean to me right now.
对不起 Sorry.
你到底能不能帮我 Can you help me or not?
你的对手是一群大学教授 It's you against a bunch of college professors.
我想这场仗你赢不了 I don't think you can win this one.
对了 他们有人长痘痘吗 Oh. Do any of them have pimples?
没有 No.
可惜 我用"疙瘩披萨脸"辱骂哭了无数人 Too bad, I've done a lot of damage with "Pizza face."
他直接拿起彩票 He just took the ticket
气冲冲地走了 and stormed off.
我不知道他为何如此在乎一台洗碗机 I don't know why he cares so much about a dishwasher.
也许重点不是洗碗机 Maybe it ain't about the dishwasher.
那是什么 Well, what is it, then?
玛丽 我爱你 但有时你就好像 Mary, I love you, but sometimes it's kind of like
在向"享乐"宣战 you're waging a war on fun.
为什么 就因为我有价值观吗 Why? Because I have values?
那很遗憾 因为我的价值观不会消失 Well, too bad because they're not going away.
那享乐就死翘翘了 Oh, and fun is down for the count.
五百块 500 bucks?
那酒你来埋单 I guess drinks are on you.
行 但听完我说的你只有这想法吗 Fine, but is that all you got from my story?
这叫缓和气氛 乔治 It's called lightening the mood, George.
抱歉 Sorry.
但我觉得你反应过激了 But I do think you're overreacting.
拜托 Come on.
难道她放松一次会死吗 I... Would it kill her to loosen up once in a while?
也许她就不是那样的人 Maybe that's just not who she is.
万一她是在我身边才无法放松呢 What if it is, just not with me?
这话是什么意思 Well, what does that mean?
前几天晚上我开车经过教堂 The other night I drove by the church
看见玛丽和那个新来的青年牧师 and I saw Mary and that new youth pastor
坐在路边闲聊 边抽烟边笑得很开心 just hanging out on the curb, laughing and smoking cigarettes.
是吗 那又怎样 Yeah? And?
这还不够吗 Well, that's not enough?
抽烟也有罪吗 Well, is smoking even a sin?
我滚完床单也会点上一根 'Cause I still light up after a roll in the hay.
重点是 她是能放松玩闹的 只是... The point is, she's capable of being fun, just...
不是跟我在一起时 not with me.
我也不是不想享乐 It's not like I don't want to be fun,
但我感觉 but I feel like
只有我一个人在苦苦支撑这个家 I am the only one holding the family together.
玛丽 我能指出你们刚结婚时 Mary, can I point out that you weren't exactly like this
你不是这样的吗 when y'all got married?
怎么 我不能有所成长吗 So? I'm not allowed to grow?
成长到跟他产生隔阂吗 行啊 Apart? Okay.
你和你妻子为什么决定分开 What made you and your wife call it quits?
乔治 我跟你说 George, let me tell you something.
离婚的感觉糟透了 Getting divorced sucks.
-我知道 -你不知道 - I know. - You don't.
如果你觉得五百块刮刮乐已经够让你难受了 If you think you're upset about a $500 scratcher,
试试孤零零坐在家里 还没了半副身家 try sitting home alone with half your money gone.
我还以为你要说爱啊誓言啊之类的 I thought you were gonna say something about love and vows.
足足一半啊 乔治 Half, George.
本来全副身家也没多少 And it wasn't a lot when it was a whole.
我说了会请你喝酒 I said I'd buy your drinks.
谢谢你 Well, thank you.
再来盘鸡翅也无妨 Wings wouldn't hurt, either.
我妹妹认为我赢不了 My sister thought I was in an unwinnable situation,
但我知道另一个人 曾在绝境中 but I knew someone else who faced
反败为胜 那就是詹姆斯·泰比里厄斯·柯克 a no-win scenario and prevailed: one James Tiberius Kirk.
根据程序设定 The Kobayashi Maru was a simulation
小林丸号测试是不可能通过的 designed to be unbeatable, but Kirk snuck in
但柯克通过修改程序 通过了测试 and reprogrammed it so he could win.
我只需把我的观测目标坐标 All I needed to do was put my scanning coordinates
输进李博士的电波望远镜 证明我是对的 into Dr. Lee's radio telescope to prove I was correct.
该摆出我的搞事鬼祟脸了 It was time for my sneaky face.
这是你的 This is yours.
如果你觉得不应该花掉 And if you don't feel right spending it,
那你想用来做什么都随你 then you should do whatever you want with it.
谢谢你 Thank you.
我一直在想 You know, I've been thinking that
其实 maybe it isn't
这笔钱拿去享受一下 天也不会塌下来 the end of the world if we spend it on something fun.
真的吗 Really?
嗯 做全家人都会高兴的事 Yeah, something the family could enjoy.
这样的话 Well...
我们很久没全家一起去度假了 we haven't been on vacation in a long time.
我们可以去休斯顿 看白雪溜冰团 We could go to Houston, see the Ice Capades.
我们再想想吧 Let's keep thinking.
第二天傍晚 我去实施计划 The next evening, I put my plan into action.
我和柯克舰长简直一模一样 I was just like Captain Kirk,
前提是柯克舰长也需要求姥姥开车送他一程 if Captain Kirk had to bum a ride from his meemaw.
我要做的就是潜入李博士的办公室 All I needed to do was get into Dr. Lee's office
把坐标换掉 and swap the coordinates.
没什么能阻止我 Nothing could stop me.
该死 Dang it.
敬男性自尊 Well, here's to male egos
和随之而来的笑话 and all the fun that comes with them.
你经常需要面对这些 对吧 You've had to deal with that a lot, huh?
我来这里的第一个月 人们总默认 The first month I was here, people kept assuming
我是校长的秘书 I was the president's secretary.
你有指正他们吗 Did you correct them?
没有 我告诉他们校长太忙了 No, I just told them that the president was too busy
没空见他们 然后默默削减他们经费 to see them and then I cut their funding.
那感觉一定超爽 That must have felt good.
就像度过漫长一天后终于脱下胸罩一样 Ah, it was like taking off my bra at the end of a long day.
不过我不说你也懂 Mm-hmm. But I don't have to tell you.
你能相信吗 我的专业只有三个女性 Can you believe there were only three women in my major?
至少你们能互相帮助 Oh, at least you had each other.
那些臭婊子 算了吧 Those bitches? Pass.
那些男的呢 What about the guys?
要么不敢跟我说话 Either too scared to talk to me
要么想拐我"露出天体" or trying to talk me into being horizontal.
我懂 Oh, yeah, I hear that.
甚至有人蓄意破坏我的项目 就为了让我出丑 I've even had projects sabotaged just to make me look bad.
-开玩笑的吧 -真的 - You're kidding. - Nope.
那你做了什么 Well, what did you do?
最终我意识到 Well, eventually I realized,
我是实验物理学家 I'm an experimental physicist.
我想造什么机关来保护我的研究都行 I can build anything I want to protect my work.
多亏了我家孩子们 And thanks to my kids,
我对《小鬼当家》那部电影非常熟悉 I am very familiar with the movie Home Alone.
经过多番道歉 一点求情 After a lot of apologizing, a little begging
和我母亲写的保证书后 and a note from my mother,
我保住了在团队的位置 I was allowed to keep my role on the team.
柯克舰长身处绝境时 When Captain Kirk faced the no-win scenario,
他不用连续一周流蓝黄交加的鼻涕 he didn't have blue and yellow snot for a week.
像大海的声音 Sounds like the ocean.
很令人放松 Oh, it is very relaxing.
有了它 厨房其他地方看起来都很垃圾 Kind of makes the rest of the kitchen look trashy.
它配有温升感应器 Ooh, it has a temperature boost sensor.
那是什么 What's that?
确保水被加热到 It makes sure the water is heated
最适合的温度 以获得最佳 to the correct temperature for ideal cleaning
清洗和烘干效果 and drying results.
你要去哪 Where are you going?
你会错过冲洗阶段的 You're gonna miss the rinse cycle.
我什么也没错过 I'm not missing anything.
它发出了"哔"声 查一下什么意思 Oh, it beeped. Look up "Beep."