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原创翻译 双语字幕
最新连载海外影视剧下载 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com 仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
翻译: 吃鱼熊熊熊 Flora哎呀呀
翻译: 洗七里 约翰李 布塔
校对: Ethan-泽生 新浪微博@赛太公
时间轴: 三水
后期: 爬山累死瓜 总监： 生无可恋瓜
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第二集
一 二 三 One, two, three!
大家好 我们来了 Hey, guys! We're here!
欢迎 Welcome!
泳池很爽 厨房有小吃 Pool's cool, snacks in the kitchen,
我喝了些葡萄酒 I've had some rose,
开启米奇尔欢乐模式 so fun Mitchell is in the house.
大秀美腿 Showing quite a bit of leg.
-可真是 -像世界杯比赛一样吗 - This is very... ? - World-cuppy?
他们来了 There they are!
啃老啃了我将近50年的 My adult children still sponging off me
-成年子女 -真"好笑"啊 - after nearly five decades. - Love it.
抱歉 原想开个玩笑 没想到道出了残酷的真相 Sorry, thought I'd bend that into a joke, but it stayed real.
-孩子们 -你好 外公 - Hi, kids! - Hey, Grandpa.
菲尔 Hey, Phil.
他这是闹哪出 What's up his can?
我不知道 I don't know.
这年头当白人男太不容易了 Not easy being a white man these days.
你懂的 You feel me.
我准备了给老爸和歌洛莉亚的周年礼物 So, I got Dad and Gloria's anniversary present.
你们都欠我40块 You guys both owe me 40 bucks.
等等 今天是他们的结婚纪念日 Wait. It's their anniversary?
我以为是歌洛莉亚的生日 I-I thought it was Gloria's birthday.
不可能是她生日 Oh, it can't be Gloria's birthday.
一提到生日她就抓狂 She gets mad even if you mention it.
我曾经问过她日期 I once asked when it was,
她就在我包里塞了个肢解的贝兹娃娃 and she left a dismembered Bratz doll in my purse.
今天到底是什么日子 Then why are we here?
算了 我去看看蛋糕上写的什么 You know what? I'm gonna go check what the cake says.
给我也来杯"蛋糕"吧 Oh, I'll have a glass of "Cake," Too.
没问题 Okay.
趁她不在 给我点情感建议 Quick, before she comes back, I need some relationship advice,
这算是道德伦理上的灰色区域 and this is kind of in a gray area ethically.
所以问我们就没事 Oh, and it's okay to ask us
谁让我们基佬的生活如此离经叛道 because, as gays, we wouldn't dare judge anyone
哪有资格去评判别人 while living such a deviant lifestyle?
就算基佬界最美的爱情故事和你们直男直女 Even the most beautiful version of our love is a mortal stain
做出的最肮脏的事相比 也是个道德污点 compared to the worst thing you could do?
我还是找别人谈谈吧 Maybe I should talk to somebody else.
-别 告诉我们 -别啊 快说 - No, tell us! - No! Spill, girl, spill!
不许说出去 Okay, so just between us,
我现在和阿尔文在一起 他去瑞士工作了 you know I'm with Arvin and he's working in Switzerland.
我干了件坏事 Well, I did something bad.
我亲了迪兰 I kissed Dylan.
迪兰还在你的生活里啊 Whoa, Dylan's still around?
我以为他去加入了个邪教什么的 I-I thought he joined a cult or something.
我听说他把曼妥思和可乐混吃然后自爆了 I heard he ate Mentos and a Coke and exploded.
我也不知道为什么亲他 那个吻没有意义 I don't know why I did it. It meant nothing,
现在很后悔 阿尔文一直在给我打电话 but I feel horrible, and Arvin keeps calling,
我一直没接 因为... but I'm not picking up because, like --
我一定要告诉他吗 Do I have to tell him?
亲爱的 每段感情都会经历这种事 Uh, uh, honey, these things happen in every relationship.
完全不用什么事都告诉对方 You absolutely do not need to tell your partner everything.
听自己的老公说这话可真有趣 Okay, well, that's a fun thing to hear your husband say.
得了吧 不要小题大做 Oh, please, do not turn this into something.
我本来想说的是 没错 你应该告诉阿尔文 Well, I was going to say, yes, you need to tell Arvin
感情需要建立在真实之上 because you want your relationship based on truth,
很明显我的就没有 which, apparently, mine is not.
糟透了 到底该怎么办 Ugh, this sucks! I don't know what to do.
我还指望至少你们能意见一致呢 I was counting on you two to be on the same page.
-通常一致啊 -我们什么时候意见一致过 - Well, we usually are. - When have you ever seen that?
你们几个小野鸡在叨些什么呢 What are you hens cackling about?
就一般的寒暄问暖 Oh, just asking how they are.
我去泳池玩玩 Gonna jump in the pool.
好吧 再会 Okay, see you.
海莉才不关心别人的生活 Haley doesn't care how people are.
-到底怎么了 -没什么 - What's going on? - It's nothing.
她就是来取取经 She was just asking for some advice.
那她干嘛不找我呢 Why wouldn't she come to me?
我还以为我们终于要变成知心好友了 I thought we were finally becoming friends.
你自己想想 克莱尔 Well, you know, think about it, Claire.
你瞒着你妈多少事 All the secrets that you kept from your mom.
好吧 但我老妈 Yeah, but my mom
是个保守的疯女人 was an uptight, crazy person.
慢慢向后退 别惊动她 Let's just slowly back away as that settles in.
嘿 伙计 Hey, buddy!
准备享受前所未有的味觉之... Ready for the best thing to happen to your mouth since --
编不下去了 I'm gonna bail on that.
我还没想好就脱口而出了 I took off without a place to land.
-来杯"薄荷杰丽普酒"吧 -不了吧 - How about a Mint "Jay-lep"? - I'll pass,
Mint Julep - 薄荷朱丽普酒
鉴于我不是个一百岁的南方老太太 seeing as I'm not a hundred-year-old Southern lady.
我终于看完了电影《贱女孩》 I finally saw the movie "Mean Girls."
我懂 我都是个中年油腻大叔了 I know. I'm a middle-aged man.
我怎么到现在才看 How'd I wait so long?
重点是 我发现身边也有个"贱女孩" The point is, I realized I have a mean girl in my life --
就是杰 Jay.
比如在上周的婚礼上 Like last week at this wedding,
我在耍太空步 杰大喊 I'm rocking my moonwalk, and Jay yells,
"快看 是迈克尔·抽筋逊" "Hey, look, it's Michael Jerkson."
实在忍无可忍了 Enough's enough.
怎样才能让"贱女孩"嘴别那么贱了 How do you get a mean girl to stop being a mean girl?
就是嘴比他更贱 Be mean girlier.
不 不 不 不 你会喜欢的 No, no, no, no, you're gonna love it.
薄荷杰丽普非常流行 Mint Jay-leps are all the rage.
你一直在说"薄荷杰丽普" Oh, you keep saying "Jay-leps."
我调了薄荷朱丽普酒 然后我的名字是杰 Yeah, well I made juleps, and -- and -- and my name's Jay,
所以就叫"薄荷杰丽普" so I call them "Jay-leps."
不 我有听懂哏啊 No, I get it.
这样很好玩啊 It's just a fun thing.
这就是让我们久仰大名的薄荷杰丽普吗 Ooh, are these the Mint Jay-leps we've been hearing about?
-没错 -薄荷杰丽普 - Yeah. - Oh, Jay-leps.
-真可爱 -是很可爱 - Adorbs. - They are adorbs.
我为何要质疑自己 Why do I doubt myself?
曼尼 Manny!
公路旅行如何 How was the road trip?
怎么说呢 为期六周 跨越33个州 Uh, what can I say? Six weeks, 33 states,
很多小货车的后面都吊着一个假阴囊 a lot of fake scrotums on the back of pickup trucks.
他遇到了一个非常棒的女朋友 And he met a very nice girlfriend,
现在坠入了爱河 and he's in love.
看看照片 Let's see a pic.
我也希望有 Wish I could.
我用的是老式胶片摄像机 I-I went old-school and used a film camera,
她的照片胶卷不慎掉入了大峡谷 and the one roll I took of her fell into the Grand Canyon.
你连一张照片都没有 You don't have a single photo of her?
手机上有张很模糊的 Uh, well, just this blurry one on my phone.
拿来看看 Oh, let's see.
快看 Look at her.
虽然看不清她的脸 You can't really make her out,
但还是能感受到她放荡不羁的灵魂 but it captures her wild spirit.
没错 Yes.
-是我瞎还是曼尼确实爱上了大脚怪 -是啊 - Is it me, or is Manny dating Bigfoot? - Yeah.
我来告诉你们曼尼的女朋友 Let me tell you the difference
和大脚怪的区别 between Manny's girlfriend and Bigfoot.
大脚怪有可能是真的 Bigfoot could be real.
她不是虚构女友 She's not a fake girlfriend.
想知道致命一击是什么吗 You want to hear the kicker?
她来自加拿大 She's from Canada.
-不要啊 -要命了 - Oh, no. - Oh, yikes.
-别这样 -孩子们 支持我 - Oh, stop it! - Back me up, boys.
歌洛莉亚 你知道吗 You know what, Gloria?
加拿大有很多好的方面 Canada is good for a lot of things,
但他们最大的出口品就是虚构女友 but their number-one export is fake girlfriends.
没错 基本已经形成共识了 Yeah, it's kind of a thing.
小卡和我出柜前 也各自有过加拿大女友 Uh, before Cam and I came out, we each had Canadian girlfriends.
你们想说什么 曼尼是同性恋吗 So, what are you saying now? That Manny's gay?
我们可没这么说 但他确实符合一些特征 We weren't, but he does check a few of the boxes.
拜托 看看他 Come on. Look at him.
他和从卡塔赫纳游到休斯顿的偷渡线路一样直 He's as straight as the swim from Cartagena to Houston.
旅途棒极了 我做了最调皮的事 The trip was amazing, and I did the cheekiest thing.
均为音乐剧 一般被视作同性恋符号之一
我在俄克拉荷马州看了《俄克拉荷马》 I saw "Oklahoma!" In Oklahoma,
在芝加哥看了《芝加哥》 然后 "Chicago" In Chicago, and then,
音乐剧《音乐人》中的虚构城市
我在河畔城遇上了些小麻烦 I got in a little trouble in River City.
够了 那是我听过的最基的事了 ‭Okay, that's the gayest thing I've ever heard,
我可是在西好莱坞做过狗狗美容师 and I shampooed dogs in West Hollywood.
他交过很多女朋友 He's had so many girlfriends.
上一个是20多岁的成熟女性 The last one was a woman in her 20s.
但你不是说过 当她来留宿时 Yeah, but didn't you say he was so sweet when she stayed over
他总是很贴心地主动睡沙发 he offered to sleep on the couch?
那又怎样 So what?
我的第一个男友就和他同龄 My first boyfriend at his age,
他也没准备好和我上床 he wasn't ready to sleep with me.
那他现在怎么样了 And what does he do now?
他开了一家很温馨的民宿旅馆 He runs a very nice bed and breakfast.
-和... -和... - With...? - With...?
和他的好朋友斯蒂文一起 His good friend Steven!
闭嘴 Shut up!
如果曼尼背着这样的秘密 那我真的很同情他 I-I really feel for Manny if he's wrestling with this secret.
但你却不介意16年来对我隐瞒你不忠的秘密 Yet you had no problem keeping an indiscretion from me for 16 years.
-又开始了 -没错 - And off we go. ‭- Yeah.
就像那天给你送了两个包裹的 Just like the shorts of that beefy UPS driver
健壮快递员的短裤 that delivered you two packages that day.
事情不是那样的 Wow, that is not what happened!
所以你承认有事发生过 So, you admit something happened!
好吧 我会全部告诉你 Okay, I'm gonna tell you everything
因为事情比你脑补的要无害多了 'cause it is so much tamer than what's in your head.
-好啊 -我们开始交往后六周 - Okay. ‭- Six weeks into our relationship,
在我们确定专一关系前 before we decided we were exclusive,
我在酒吧亲了一个人 I kissed someone in a bar.
-根本不严重 -很严重好吗 - See, it's not a big deal. - ‭Okay, yes, it is a big deal,
正因此 同一时期 我才会拒绝了 which is why I rejected a very similar advance at the same time
一个名人的追求 from a celebrity,
但我不会告诉你对方是谁 but I'm not gonna tell you who that is,
因为我不想令你感到不安 because I don't want you to feel insecure.
小卡 我们都知道你马上 Cam, we both know you're seconds away
著名时尚设计师 电视主持人
-就要告诉我了 -是艾萨克·米兹拉 - from telling me -- - It was Isaac Mizrahi!
是的 没错 Yeah, that's right.
辛迪·克劳馥的朋友啊 Cindy Crawford's friend!
你在这儿呢 There you are.
你回来后我们还没好好聊聊 We haven't had a chance to talk about anything since you got back.
和我说说你的新加拿大女友 So, tell me about this new Canadian girlfriend.
她既聪明又谦虚 既漂亮又随和 Well, she's brilliant, but humble, beautiful, but accessible,
是我见过最有趣的人之一 one of the funniest people I've ever met,
同时也很深沉 but, also, deeply serious.
多么优美 笼统的描述 Ah, such lovely, general terms.
她听起来好得有些不真实了 She sounds a little bit too good to be true.
她叫什么名字 What is her name?
雪莉·桃久奇 It's Sherry Shaker.
雪莉酒 调酒器 Sherry Shaker?
你面前吧台上就摆着这两样东西 Those are the two things that are in front of you at this bar.
太巧了 Delightful!
曼尼 你心底有没有什么事想告诉我 Manny... is there anything that you need to tell me?
或许是与 性相关的 Maybe some kind of... sexual thing?
我真的不想谈这个 I really don't want to talk about this.
好吧 宝贝 但是你知道我爱你 Okay, papi, but you know I love you
任何事你都可以实话告诉我 对吧 and that you can be honest with me about anything, right?
既然这样 那我直说了 这太暴露了 In that case... This is a lot.
我倒是麻木无感了 I'm pretty desensitized to it,
但我看到卢克走路都撞到墙上了 but I saw Luke walk into a wall.
你们在笑什么 What are you guys laughing at?
不用在意 Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.
你讲了个笑话 对吧 You said something funny, didn't you?
这家伙是个笑话机器 The guy's a joke machine!
-这个位子有人坐了 -谁 - Oh, someone's sitting there. - Who?
不会问那么多问题的人 Someone who doesn't ask a million questions.
外公 你可以和我们一起坐 Grandpa, you can sit with us.
棒极了 Great.
那办法奏效了 但我内心也深受折磨 It was working, but it was killing me.
我梦过很多次这情景 但梦中唯一发生的事 I've actually had dreams where the only thing happening
就是我和杰坐在一起 was me sitting with Jay while he, you know,
他揉着我的头发叫我"好小子" tousles my hair, calling me "sport."
亲爱的 恭喜你 Congrats, honey.
庆祝你获奖 总是令我很骄傲 Always proud to celebrate one of your awards.
我没有获奖 I didn't win an award.
那我们都是来干什么的 Well, then, what are we all doing here?
我很忙的 I'm a busy man!
-你现在不是只打高尔夫吗 -我在下雨天才工作 - Don't you just golf now? - I work when it's raining.
为什么我要在你面前替自己辩解 Why am I defending myself to you?
为什么你爸看我不爽 And why is your father mad at me?
-我做错了什么吗 -很有可能 - Did I do something? - ‭Probably.
但你们的关系不就是这样吗 Isn't that your relationship?
他总是渴望你的认可 而你总是打击他 He's always desperate for your approval and you shoot him down?
本该如此才对啊 但是突然他就 It's supposed to be, but all of a sudden, he's, like...
变冷漠了 all cold.
都不让我和他坐在一起 Wouldn't let me sit with him.
跟戏多的高中生一样 Ugh, so high school.
那天晚上我爸和我一起看了《贱女孩》 Dad and I watched "Mean Girls" the other night,
重温可怕的高中 让我咬断了一撮头发 and I chewed off a piece of my hair reliving how awful it was.
等一下 Wait.
电影里 女主角打败贱女孩大姐大的办法 In the movie, the heroine takes down the head mean girl
就是对她更贱 by being mean to her.
也许我爸也在对你用这招 Maybe that's what Dad is doing to you?
混蛋 Son of a bitch.
菲尔以为他能用《贱女孩》的套路对付我 Phil thinks he can "Mean Girls" me?
这也太弱鸡了 让我告诉你些事 How lame is that? Let me tell you something --
我或许天生丽质难自弃 但我不达胜利不罢休 I might be a pretty face, but I fight to win.
就像《律政俏佳人》里一样 Just like "Legally Blonde"!
你没有在盯着手机看 Oh, you're not looking at your phone.
-你没事吧 -当然 我没事 - Is everything okay? - Yeah, everything's fine.
如果你有心事 You know, if something was on your mind,
我是个很好的倾诉对象 I'm an excellent person to confide in.
从不评判 No judgment.
我也做过一些不光彩的事 God knows I've done some stuff I'm not proud of.
比如说呢 ‭Like what?
比如说... J-Just like...
在商店行窃 shoplifting.
天 真的吗 Wow. Really?
我不会评判你 我也有这习惯 I mean, no judgment here -- I do it, too.
什么 你也这样做 What? You do?
是啊 但我有道德底线 Yeah, but I'm very ethical about it.
我只从雇用童工的公司拿东西 I only take things from companies that use child labor.
我们这代人就是这样拯救世界的 That is how my generation is saving the world.
海莉 我养你不是让你去偷东西的 Haley, I did not raise you to steal.
你刚刚才说你也这样做 You just said you do it, too!
那是我编出来的 好让你告诉我 I made that up so you would tell me
-你到底遇到了什么事 -为什么我要告诉你 - what's going on in your life! - ‭Why would I?
塞几支巴基斯坦的口红进包里 Stuff a couple Pakistani lipsticks in my purse,
你就这样大惊小怪 and you freak out at me!
披头士乐队成员
瞧瞧啊 这不是约翰 保罗和乔治嘛 Well, well, well, if it isn't John, Paul, and George.
需要林戈的加入吗 Anyone need a Ringo?
事实上 没有你的帮助 Actually, we can get by
我们也可以过得去 朋友 without a little help from you, friend.
台球也挺无聊的 Pool's so over, anyways.
也许 各位爷们儿想去水里 Maybe, uh, the guys want to hit the H2O,
玩玩马可波罗游戏 rock some Marco Polo.
你可真自信 没让你干瘪的胸部 Good for you not letting that chest
阻挡你去找乐子 get in the way of having fun.
大多数男人一般不会露上身 Most guys wouldn't go shirtless
除非他们练出一些 until they got a little...
胸肌 muscle.
-我们要谈一谈 -等等 气氛有点诡异 - We need to talk. - Wait. Something weird is happening.
我想看看这出好戏会有什么进展 I want to see how it plays out.
谁想去泳池玩 Who's ready to hit the pool?
马可 Marco!
一个人去 Solo!
听着 我知道我总是控制不住情绪波动 Okay, I know emotional slights usually roll off me
-就像水从骡子背上滑落 -不是鸭子吗 - like water off a mule's back -- - Isn't it "Duck"?
有很多动物身上会滑落水珠 米奇尔 Uh, a lot of animals bead, Mitchell.
重点是我要知道细节 The point is I need to know details.
我要知道到底发生了什么 I need to know what happened... ‭
以及对方是谁 and with whom.
是轻啄一下吗 Was it a peck?
是跟胡娇吗 Was it with Pepper?
他喝醉了吗 Was he drunk?
你是不是轻轻啄了喝醉的胡娇 Did you get a peck from a pickled Pepper?
你有这个想法多久了 How long have you been sitting on that?
你亲了一个男的... You kissed a man six week--
-你们好 -你好 - Hi. - Hi.
我们在一起六周后你亲了别人 You kissed a man six weeks into our relationship
那时我刚跟你说"我爱你" when I'm telling you "I love you."
在我跟我妈打电话说我遇到对的人的时候 I'm calling my mom, telling her I'd met the one
你却在厕所跟某个骚鸡亲亲我我 while you're sidled up next to some cha-cha queen at a urinal.
你抓狂的反应证明 Okay, this insane reaction is proof
我不告诉你是对的 that I did the right thing not telling you.
好吧 大家都知道这种秘密 Okay, everyone knows this kind of secret
是毒药 米奇尔 is poison, Mitchell.
-是吗 -是的 - Oh, yeah? - ‭Yeah.
那我们问问大家的意见 Let's take it to the room.
你们都听到整个对话了 是吧 Hey, you all heard that whole conversation, right?
-当然 -是的 -听到了 - Of course, yeah. - ‭Sí. - ‭Yeah.
那么菲尔 如果克莱尔 So, Phil, if Claire kissed someone
刚跟你在一起时亲了别人 very early into the relationship,
她该告诉你吗 should she have told you?
-当然 -不可能 - Of course. - No way.
什么 你亲了别人吗 What? Did you kiss someone?
瞧见没 秘密 See? Secrets.
让他们夫妻离心 Tearing them apart.
米奇和小卡 我只想说 Mitch and Cam, I just want you to know
我很支持你们的生活方式 that I support your lifestyle,
而且我发现你们这类人 and I find it very charming
在公共场合情绪化又不得体的行为非常有魅力 when your people act very emotional and inappropriate in public.
好吧 所以我在这孤立无援 Okay, so I'm getting no help from this room.
很抱歉 但亲了对象之外的人 I'm sorry, but kissing someone outside of a relationship
是件大事 你应该告诉对方 is a big deal and you should fess up right away.
你们告诉他们了 You told them?!
是的 他们把什么都说了 Yes! Yes, they told us everything,
我不敢相信你竟然做出了这种事 and I can't believe you did that!
我很抱歉 但迪兰是我人生中很重要的人 Well, I'm sorry, but Dylan was a huge part of my life --
你亲了迪兰 这就是你的秘密 You kissed Dylan?! That's your secret?
你套路我 You tricked me!
你在干什么 What are you doing?
你在跟一位国际知名的科学家约会 You are dating a world-renowned scientist.
迪兰不是结婚了吗 I mean, isn't Dylan still married
并且还是个傻瓜 and still an idiot?
说一下 他已经离婚了 Hey, he is not still married.
他让生活回到了正轨 And he's getting his life together.
他在护理学校上学 He's in nursing school.
真为他高兴 我超爱迪兰 Good for him. I love Dylan.
亲爱的 她在跟阿尔文约会 Honey, she's dating Arvin.
我们现在喜欢阿尔文 We love Arvin now.
如果一个叫迪兰的 And wouldn't it be wonderful
和一个叫阿尔文的相爱 不是很美好吗 if someone called Dylan loved someone called Arvin?
这里没有人会对此有意见的 No one in this room would have a problem with it.
是我理解错了 还是你妈在试着 Am I wrong, or is your mom trying to get
逼艾丽克斯出柜 Alex to come out of the closet?
天啊 是阿尔文打来的 Oh, God, it's Arvin calling.
快 觉得我应该告诉他的举手 Quick, a show of hands, who thinks I have to tell him?
一二三四 One, two, three, four.
九分之四 竟然是他妈的平局 Four out of nine? A frickin' tie?!
耶 真高兴我终于联系上你了 Yay, I'm so happy I finally reached you!
我知道 I know.
工作怎么样 有什么重大突破吗 How's work? Any major breakthroughs?
这个嘛 我终于把一个德国人逗笑了 Oh, well, I-I made a German laugh.
我好想你 Oh, I miss you terribly.
我也想你 I miss you, too.
听着 我们需要谈谈 Uh, listen, um, we have to talk.
我爱你 这真的有点难以启齿 I love you, and this is really hard for me to say,
但是我... but, I, um...
我干了件蠢事 I did something stupid.
我亲了前男友 我发誓这毫无意义 I kissed my ex-boyfriend. It meant nothing, I swear,
我希望你可以原谅我 and I'm hoping you'll forgive me,
我们可以当做这从没发生过 and we can forget this ever happened.
不好意思 亲爱的 你那边卡住了 Sorry, love, you froze up.
我什么也没听到 I-I-I missed the -- the whole thing.
真糟糕 这... Oh, that sucks. Um...
这真的难以启齿 但我干了件很蠢的事 This is really hard for me, but I did something stupid.
我亲了我的前男友 这并不代表什么 我... I kissed my ex-boyfriend. It meant nothing, and I --
不好意思 又卡了 Sorry, froze up again
卡在了一个搞笑的位置 in the funniest position.
你看上去像闻到了什么恶臭的东西 You look like you'd smelled something dreadful.
-再说一遍 -行吧 - Have another go. -‭ Okay.
我搞砸了 我亲 I messed up, and I kiss--
等一下 Wait!
好了 说 Okay, go.
我亲了前男友 I kissed my ex-boyfriend!
该死 别卡了 Damn it, stop freezing!
没卡 Not frozen.
我震惊了 Shocked.
事实上 我心碎了 Very hurt, actually.
我真的很抱歉 I'm so sorry.
那不代表什么 我们能 It meant nothing. Can --
我们能就这么让它过去吗 Can we please move past this?
我不知道 I don't know.
我们说过彼此相爱 Um, we said that we loved each other.
我信任过你 I-I trusted you.
我现在只想挂掉你的电话 What I want to do is hang up on you right now.
等等 我 Wait, I --
我告诉他了 简直不能更糟了 Well, I told him, and it couldn't have gone worse.
-不要啊 -我很遗憾 - Oh, no. - Oh, I'm sorry.
-他跟你分手了 -还没有 - He broke up with you. - ‭Not yet.
他只是挂了我电话 He just hung up on me.
过来 宝贝 Oh, come here, honey.
我 我很遗憾 我理解你为什么不来找我了 I'm -- I'm so sorry, and I know why you didn't come to me.
我一直都不怎么喜欢迪兰 I haven't always been Dylan's biggest fan.
你可是把他推进一个蜂窝 You pushed him into a beehive.
公平地说 我是把他从你身边推开 You know, to be fair, I pushed him off of you,
他自己摔进蜂窝的 and he fell into the beehive,
但是 不管怎么说 我想支持你 but, regardless, I want to be supportive.
绝对不评判 我保证 我保证 No judgment. I promise. I promise.
我简直不敢相信自己这么蠢 I can't believe how stupid I was.
我让迪兰扰乱了我的内心 I let Dylan get in my head,
现在我和阿尔文的感情可能都被毁了 and now I might have ruined everything with Arvin.
那么 So...
通过这件事我们可以学到 what we're learning is that
有时候 秘密还是不说出来为好 sometimes it is better to keep the secret.
你竟然有脸为此感到骄傲 You can't be proud of that.
宝贝 其实这种事也是常有发生的 Look, honey, sometimes these things happen.
在他们身上发生过 They happened with them,
结果却发展成了一件好事 but that turned out to be a good thing.
不好意思 怎么就是好事了 I'm sorry. In what way?
因为米奇尔在酒吧亲完那个人之后 Because after Mitchell kissed the guy in the bar,
哭着给我打了电话 he called me crying,
肝肠寸断啊 so tortured.
他说他亲下去的那一瞬间 He said the second he did it,
他就意识到他想和小卡共度余生 he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Cam.
米奇尔 真的吗 你为什么不早说呢 Mitchell, is that true? Why didn't you say that?
因为我们都在一起15年了 小卡 Because we've been together for 15 years, Cam.
我刚刚太想维护自己了 抱歉 I got defensive. I'm sorry.
不 该道歉的是我 No. I'm sorry.
是我失控了 You know, I freaked out,
我只顾考虑我自己了 and I made this whole day about myself.
你是对的 我有时以自我为中心 又很情绪化 And you're right -- I can be self-centered and emotional.
我觉得 I guess it's, you know,
是因为我爸爸和他的猪在一起太久的缘故 because of all that time my daddy spent with his pigs.
-小卡 拜托 该闭嘴了 -嗯 - Cam. ‭Please. It's time. - ‭Mm-hmm.
海莉 你不是个坏人 Haley, you're not a bad person.
也许这个吻告诉了你一些你需要知道的事 Maybe this kiss taught you something you needed to know,
就像米奇舅舅那样 just like it did with Uncle Mitch.
如果是那样的话 If that's the case,
你需要去争取你爱的那个人 you need to fight for the man you love
并且果断离开你不爱的人 and shut it down with the one you don't.
-你说得对 -嗯嗯 - You're right. - ‭Mm-hmm.
-我得去见迪兰 -好的 - I have to go see Dylan. ‭- Okay.
坚强一点 不要让他掌控你 Be strong. Don't let him manipulate you.
-他有时候很... -她可以的 - He can be a very em-- - She's good.
她没事的 She's good.
真高兴你出来了[出柜] Ah, so happy that you came out.
你怎么回事 What's going on with you?
你从哪弄到这么个气垫 Where did you get that raft?
从一个超级感人的同志活动送的礼品袋里 It was in a gift bag from a very moving Pride benefit
我和米奇还有小卡一起去的 that I went to with Mitch and Cam.
你要是想知道我是不是同性恋 直接问我好了 If you want to know if I'm gay, just ask me.
不 我不想给你太大压力 No, I don't want to be pushy.
我喜欢女人 妈 ‭I like women, Mom!
你怎么会觉得我是同性恋呢 Why on earth would you think I'm gay?
公平地说 你确实符合基佬的很多特征 In fairness, you do check a lot of the boxes.
我会这么想是因为杰说 I only thought it because Jay said
加拿大女朋友是假的 that the Canadian girlfriends are fake
而且米奇和小卡也有过加拿大女朋友 and that Mitch and Cam had them.
你觉得我的女朋友是假的 You think my girlfriend is fake?
你一张照片都没有 Well, you didn't have any pictures,
而且在吧台那儿 你说她的名字 and at the bar, you said that her name
叫什么橄榄·鸡尾酒-餐巾纸 was something like Olive Cocktail-napkin.
是雪莉·桃久奇 It's Sherry Shaker!
我很抱歉 I am sorry,
但是我问你有没有瞒着我什么的时候 but when I asked you if you were hiding something from me,
你就变得很防备 你还羞辱了我的胸 you got all defensive, and you boob-shamed me.
因为确实有事情发生 Because something did happen.
雪莉和我 Sherry and I...
我们携手 we joined our...
我们打开了美丽新世界的大门 We crossed that beauteous threshold
用肉体缠绵互诉真情 into the physical expression of love.
你什么时候听到过一个直男那样形容性爱 Have you ever heard a straight guy describe sex that way?
他原来是这个意思吗 That's what he meant?
我怎么觉得听了更难受 Why does that feel worse to me?
艾丽克斯 你是最后一个处子了 Hey, Alex. You're the last virgin.
拜托 我可是在和一个消防员约会 Please, I'm dating a fireman.
我的性生活火辣得比... I'm having hotter sex than...
你好啊 爸 Hey, Dad?
你在干什么 What are you doing?
他不会的 He wouldn't.
我意识到他在"以彼之贱 还施彼身" I realized he was "Mean Girls-ing" Me back
并且加入了《律政俏佳人》的某些招式 with a weird nod to "Legally Blonde,"
我敢说他不知道我注意到了 which I'll bet he thinks I didn't notice.
我得改变战术了 I had to change tactics.
我不能再像一个贱女孩那样 I had to stop acting like a mean girl
我要做让杰意想不到的事 and do the last thing Jay would ever expect me to do --
就是像个男人一样 act like a man.
你这是搞什么鬼 What the hell are you doing?!
大家都饿了 Oh, yeah, well, everybody's hungry,
而且大家都觉得 and the prevailing opinion is that
我比你更会烤肉 I'm a better griller than you.
-完了 -哇 你自以为是硬汉对吧 - No. - Wow. You must think you're pretty tough.
-没你烤的肉硬 -克莱尔 - Not as tough as your meat. - ‭Claire!
没错 很好 所有人都出来 Yes, good, everybody get out here!
怎么了 出什么事了 What? What's going on?
是菲尔 菲尔要烤肉了 It's Phil! Phil is grilling!
这个傻蛋刚刚告诉我 This bozo just told me
你们认为我烤的肉太老了 that you think I overcook your meat.
是真的吗 Is that true?
卢克 Luke?!
爸 我们爱你 不过 Dad, we love you, but...
你真的不懂什么叫三分熟 you don't know what medium-rare is.
我已经连续三年父亲节 I've-I've given you a meat thermometer
送你烤肉温度计了 for three Father's Days in a row.
看在老天份上 求你用用吧 For the love of God, just use one!
那好 我才不在乎 Fine. See if I care.
但我不知道你今天跟我较什么劲 But I don't know what you have against me today --
把我赶下我的烤架 kicking a man off his own grill,
笑话我的冰镇薄荷杰丽普酒 making fun of my Mint Jay-leps.
你笑话他的冰镇薄荷杰丽普 You made fun of his Mint Jay-leps?
那是他专门为你调的 He did them for you.
-什么 -我不知道她在胡说什么 - What? - ‭I don't know what she's talking about.
杰一想到冰镇"薄荷杰丽普"这个点子 The minute Jay created the Jay-leps,
就一直在说 all he could keep saying was,
"菲尔肯定超喜欢这个名字双关的美酒" "Phil's gonna get such a kick out of this."
可他不喜欢 他说这点子很蠢 But he didn't! He said it was dumb!
他说那是老太太喝的 He said it was an old lady's drink!
你什么时候在意起我的想法了 Since when do you care what I think?
一直啊 Always!
他觉得你是每一场派对的活力源泉 He thinks that you're the life of the party.
他想变得像你一样 He wants to be more like you.
我只是说 有时候 All I've said is that sometimes
我嫉妒那些不介意出洋相的人 I envy people who don't mind being an ass
因为他们玩得很开心 because they're having fun,
我想 and I guess...
你就是那种人 you're one of those people.
所以这些年来你一直对我很刻薄 Wow, so all this time, you've been mean to me
是因为你特别羡慕我 because you admire me so much?
来 看着我 ‭Hey, look at me.
我很喜欢你的冰镇薄荷杰丽普 I loved those Mint Jay-leps.
-真的吗 -真的 - You did? ‭- Yeah.
你听见了吗 歌洛莉亚 他喜欢 Did you hear that, Gloria? He did.
我说那酒不好只是因为婚礼那天 I only trashed them because of what you called me
你在我跳舞时给我起外号 when I was dancing at the wedding.
什么外号 菲鹅·邓菲 What? Flail Dunphy?
傻尔·笨妹 Shrill Dummy?
你弄洒饮料时我说了洒尔·蹬飞 When you dropped your drink -- Spill Bumbly?
迈克尔·抽筋逊 Michael Jerkson.
是哦 这个我倒是忘了 Oh, yeah. I forgot about that one.
对不起 I'm sorry.
别在意了 Oh, don't-don't worry about it.
这是在做什么 What are we doing?
你刚叫我"好小子"了吗 Did you just call me "Sport"?
海莉 Haley.
我有预感会是你 I had a feeling it was gonna be you.
是你给我开的大门 You buzzed me in the gate.
-你有时间吗 -当然 我和室友 - Do you have a minute? - Sure, my roommates and I
不过在为生理学期中考复习而已 are just studying for physiology midterms.
-她真可爱 -谢了 妹子 - Oh, she cute. - ‭Thanks, girl.
你的发型太完美了 That hair is on point.
我昨天刚买的 I bought it yesterday.
我们能出来聊聊吗 Can we talk out here?
听着 我得让你知道 Listen, I need you to know that
那天我根本不该吻你 that kiss never should have happened.
阿尔文和我在交往 而我们只是朋友 Arvin and I are together, and you and I are friends,
并且永远只会是朋友 and that's all we're ever going to be.
不了 谢谢 No, thank you.
"不了 谢谢" 我又没问你想怎样 "No, thank you"? I didn't ask you a question.
那让我问问你 Well, let me ask you one.
已经十年了 我总是不能放下你 It's been 10 years, and I can't move on from you.
这也不是提问 Also not a question.
还记得我们相遇那天吗 Remember the day we met?
我走在走廊里 I was walking through the halls,
看到了这世上最漂亮的女孩 and I saw the most beautiful girl,
我说 "那是谁" and I was like, "Whoa! Who is that?"
然后你说"那是丽贝卡·萨尔金" And you were like, "That's Rebecca Salkin."
然后我转身 第一次看到了你 And then I turned and saw you for the first time,
我立刻就忘了丽贝卡·萨尔金 and I was done with Rebecca Salkin.
当时你穿着那件很酷的破军装外套 Yeah, you were wearing that cool, beat-up Army jacket,
我特别嫉妒你的长睫毛 and I was completely jealous of your eyelashes.
海莉 Haley...
那天我就爱上了你 从没停止过爱你 I fell in love with you that day, and I've never stopped.
我会一直让自己变得更好 直到配得上你 I'm gonna keep making myself better until I deserve you.
为什么在感情中坦诚相待这么难 Why is it so hard to be honest in relationships?
我们耍小把戏 We play games.
我们藏起秘密 We keep secrets...
我不记得向你哭诉那个吻的事 I don't remember crying to you about that kiss.
说实话又无法拔除他心中的那根刺 The truth wasn't moving the needle.
不客气 You're welcome.
而我们分明只想心心相印 when all we want to do is connect.
大家 注意听 Everyone, listen up!
大家好 我是雪利 Hi, I'm Sherry.
我是曼尼真实存在的加拿大女友 I'm Manny's real Canadian girlfriend.
这不是我第一次被迫证明自己的存在了 This isn't the first time I've had to do this.
我想我们得先从对自己诚实开始 I guess we have to start with being honest with ourselves.
假如要我说实话 And if I'm being honest...
我爱上了两个人 I love two people.
见鬼 Damn it!
我们能走了吗 我们是在等蛋糕吗 Can we go? Are we waiting for cake, or...?
-是谁的生日吗 -我该说段祝酒词吗 - Is it a birthday? - Should I make a toast?
-敬什么 -敬谁 - To what? - To whom?
好吧 通过一系列的假设 All right! It's come to my attention through series of assumptions,
旧电邮和蹩脚的思考 我注意到 old e-mails and lazy sheep-like thingking,
我们可能没什么理由就来聚会了 that we may have gathered for no reason.
所以这不是欢迎我回家的派对吗 So, it's not my welcome home party?
-当然是 -不是 - Of course it... - No!
你妈以为艾丽克斯得了奖 Your mother thought Alex won a award,
她没有 干旱期还在持续 she didn't, and the dry spell continues.
拜托 我最近雨露丰沛... Please, the last thing I'm having is a dry sp-
大家听好 People, listen up!
我们平时需要聚会的真实原因已经够多了 There's too many actual reasons for us to see each other,
我们受不起这样失误乱聚 we cannot afford to hang out by mistake.
我爱你们所有人 都滚回家吧 I love you all, now go home.
-好吧 -我们走 - Alright, great. - Alright, let's go.