m 211 -8 b 217 -6 217 -4 217 -2 l 217 24 b 217 26 217 29 211 31 l 31 31 b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
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原创翻译 双语字幕
最新连载海外影视剧下载 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com 仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
m 200 -1 l 200 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
m 38 -1 l 44 6 l 38 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
翻译 Flora哎呀呀 洗七里
翻译 碎碎不安赛太公
校对 新浪微博@赛太公
时间轴 三水
后期 瓜瓜
总监 生无可恋瓜
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第四集
-迪兰 -邓菲先生 - Dylan? - ‭Oh, Mr. D.
你也在这慢跑啊 You jog here, too?
这离我们家就半个街区 I'm a half a block from my house.
你穿靴子跑步吗 Are you wearing boots?
好吧 其实这并不是那么巧合啦 Okay, this is less of a coincidence than it seems.
我跟了你好几天了 I've been following you around for a few days.
是关于海莉的事 It's about Haley.
我知道她现在正在恋爱中 I know she's in a relationship,
但是我爱她 我觉得她也爱我 but I love her, and I think she loves me.
迪兰 我听说了发生的事 Dylan, I heard about what happened.
要我就不会想太多 I wouldn't read too much into it.
毕竟只是一个吻而已 It was only one kiss.
不是吧 Oh, no.
两个吻吗 Two kisses?
你愿意这么想也行 Okay.
我去了迪兰家跟他说 I went to Dylan's house to tell him it wasn't okay
我们不应该接吻 结果我和他睡了 that we kissed, and I ended up sleeping with him.
我想回去告诉他我们不应该上床 I would go back to his house to tell him it wasn't okay
但是谁知道那又会发生什么 we slept together, but where does that go?
反正我就是想和她谈一谈 Anyway, I just want to talk to her,
可是她不接我的电话 and she won't return my calls.
她在跟你玩人间蒸发吗 She's ghosting you?
作为一个长辈 你总是这么跟得上流行语 For an older dude, you always kept up with the lingo.
是滴 Word.
真为你难过 小伙子 Aw, I'm sorry, man.
你是个好人 不应该被人间蒸发对待 You're a good guy. You deserve better than being ghosted.
-我会跟她说一说的 -你愿意为我这样做 - I'll talk to her. - You'd do that for me?
对 我会跟她好好唠唠 顶我不 Yeah, I'll throw her a gab. You stab me?
靠 卢克是不是乱教来整我了 Darn it. I think Luke's messing with me.
妈妈咪呀 Mama mia!
我的儿胳膊儿怎么儿了 What is-a wrong-a with-a my arm-a?
别担心 Fuggedaboutit!
你滴胳膊好好的 Youse arm's fine!
那你为啥儿不来咬一大儿口这多汁的美味 Ah, then why-a won't you take a big-a, juicy bite out of it?
路易吉 我觉得我们 Yo, Luigi, I think what we got here
交流有问题 is a communication problem.
我说我想吃意式[意大利人]时 是指... See, when I said I wanted to eat Italian...
-落幕 -落幕 - And scene. - ‭And scene.
太好啦 Bravo!
他们刚才是即兴排出的戏 They just made that scene up as they were going,
而且最后还有一个有趣的转折 and then at the end, there was a funny twist.
下一幕 Okay, for this next scene,
雪莉会扮演一个名人 Sherry will play a famous person.
演员卢·戴蒙德·菲利普斯 Lou Diamond Phillips!
棒 杰 帮我想个职业[我需要找正职] Excellent. And, Jay, I need an occupation.
我同意 I agree.
曼尼的虚幻加拿大女朋友竟然是真的 So, it turns out Manny's fake Canadian girlfriend is real
还很烦人 and annoying.
他回学校之前 她会一直住在这 Until he goes back to school, she's staying here
一直试镜 准备当个即兴表演明星 and auditioning to be an improv star,
就像那个谁 你知道的 没谁 just like, you know, no one ever.
天啊 夏天这么快就过去了 Boy, oh, boy, did that summer fly by or what?
-不说了 你走吧 -拜 杰 - Anyway, off you go. - Bye, Jay.
我已经开始想你了 宝贝 I miss already you, papi.
他过三天就要回来洗脏衣服了 He'll be back in three days to do his laundry.
我也会想你的 I'll miss you, too.
过来 小泰迪熊 Come here, Teddy Bear.
-周六见 -我等不及了 - See you Saturday. - I can't wait.
好 我去楼上练习无实物场景演绎啦 Okay, I'll be upstairs, doing space work.
歌洛莉亚 一个问题 Gloria, quick question --
那个人怎么还在这 why is that person still here?
我没告诉你吗 Ay! I didn't tell you?
-你少来 -学校不让雪莉 - Don't even. - The college won't let Sherry
和曼尼一起住宿舍 live in the dorm with Manny,
所以她要住在这里 so she's gonna stay here.
我要做个美味的三明治啦 你来一个吗 I am going to make a delicious sandwich. You want one?
我不要什么三明治 我想让她离开我们家 I don't want a sandwich. I want her out of my house.
而且被你说得有点想吃三明治了 And I kind of want a sandwich.
这是曼尼第一段正经感情 This is Manny's first serious relationship.
我以前常常跟他说 I used to tell him,
"我知道有一天你一定会找到这样一个女人 "I know that one day you're gonna find a woman
她会欣赏你的各种优点" that will appreciate all your gifts."
但我没想到会自食恶果 But I didn't know.
你意思是你觉得她不烦人吗 You're saying you don't find her annoying?
不啊 我觉得她很搞笑 别担心 No. I think she's funny. And don't worry.
她就在这住到 She's only gonna stay here
她可以靠即兴表演养活自己的时候 until she can support herself doing improv.
那把她的名字也加入我们家电话答录机吧 Well, put her name on the answering machine,
她这辈子估计都得住在这了 'cause she's not going anywhere.
韦恩·布雷迪这样的人一生顶多碰到一个 We're only lucky enough to get one Wayne Brady in a lifetime.
知名黑人男即兴喜剧演员
我刚刚遇到迪兰了 Hey. I just ran into Dylan.
他告诉我你们之间怎么回事了 He told me what happened between you two.
-听着 不管他说了什么 -别紧张 - Look, whatever he said -- - ‭Relax.
我知道你又亲了他 I know you kissed him again.
可以这么说 Okay.
你显然继承了 You clearly inherited
我们邓菲之吻的力量 the power of the Dunphy kiss.
相信我 那真的能让男人意乱情迷 Take it from me. That can really mess with a man.
你不能再对他玩人间蒸发了 You need to stop ghosting him.
我知道 可是这太难了 I know. It's just so hard.
我是说 我现在和阿尔文在一起 I mean, I'm with Arvin,
我告诉他我吻了迪兰后他就没理过我 who hasn't talked to me since I told him I kissed Dylan,
而每次我跟迪兰谈话 最后都... 吻了他 and every time I talk to Dylan, I end up...kissing him.
反正就是很混乱啦 It's very confusing.
迪兰是个内心敏感的人 Well, Dylan's a sensitive guy.
你们一起经历了那么多 After all your history together,
他理应知道自己是什么身份 he deserves to know where he stands.
你应该和他谈谈 You should talk to him.
好吧 我让他过来 Fine. I'll tell him to come over.
用河豚表情 Use the blowfish emoji.
意思是"准备迎接坏消息吧" It means, "Brace yourself for some bad news."
-不 不是那个意思 -卢克 - No, it doesn't. - ‭Luke.
不行 不行 Hey, hey, no, no.
我说过今天不许再看视频了 好吗 I said no more screen time today, okay?
再说了卡车视频能有什么吸引人的 What's so fascinating about truck videos, anyway?
惹火消防员呢 Ooh, firemen.
好了 莉莉 我们走吧 All right, Lily, let's go.
我们有多晚 Okay, how late are we --
"屋内丢羊"那种晚 "Goat loose in the house" Late
还是"路中蛮牛"那种晚 or "Stubborn cow in the road" Late?
你都在这住了二十年了 说人话行吗 You've lived here 20 years. Please use city time.
卡尔 卡尔 卡尔 卡尔 Oh, Cal, Cal, Cal, Cal!
不要啊 你洒了一地 No, you're spilling all over the floor!
莉莉 你走路能看看路吗 Hey, Lily, can you watch where you're going?
行 麻烦都赖我行了吧 Yeah, I'm the problem.
现在我们得给他换鞋了 Now we're gonna have to change his shoes.
不对 他不能穿其他鞋 No, he can't wear his other shoes
因为他拿蜡笔在上面乱写乱画 because he scribbled on those in crayon
看上去像纳粹十字符一样 在今天这个时代 and it looks like a swastika, and in this day and age...
不仅仅是当今时代 Not just this day and age.
行了 他的鞋没事 他们也有孩子 Okay. His shoes are fine. They have kids.
他们知道孩子会毁了一切 They know they ruin everything.
-除了你的生活 -对 - Except your life. - ‭Yeah.
圆得不错 Nice save.
我们办公室的另一个助理地检 特伦特 Another Assistant District Attorney in my office, Trent,
邀请我们共进午餐 这简直太好了 invited us over for lunch, which is great
因为他在找一个次席律師 because he is looking for a second chair
一起处理一个受人瞩目的案子 我想加入 on a very high-profile case, and I want in.
知道吗 我以前是蚱蜢高中 You know, I was second-chair washboard
交响乐团的搓衣板次席 in the Grasshopper High School orchestra.
搓衣板 一种乡间音乐乐器
你继续 Go on.
是这样的 特兰特和我有好多共同点 So, Trent and I have so much in common.
他的丈夫也在学校工作 就像小卡一样 His husband works in a school, just like Cam,
他们也有两个小孩 and they have two young kids.
我的意思是 要是有个同志律师交友网 I mean, if there was a gay lawyer dating site,
我们绝对能完美配对 we'd be a perfect match.
那可以叫悬案[巨根]陪审团网 It could be called HungJuries.Com.
行吧 走之前把这些烂哏都先说完 Good. So, get all that out before we go.
欢迎 请进 你一定就是小卡了 Welcome. Come in. You must be Cam.
-你好 -你好 我是特兰特 - Hi. - Hi. I'm Trent.
这是我的丈夫 基兰 This is my husband -- Kieran.
你好 很高兴见到你们 这是莉莉和卡尔 Hi. Nice to meet you. This is Lily and Cal.
不好意思我们迟到了 Sorry we're late.
这俩个家伙在车上小吵小闹了一阵儿 These two got into a little spat in the car,
我们不得不靠边停下车 所以 and we had to pull over, so...
他朝我脸上打嗝 He burped in my face.
谁让你当时正看着我 You were looking at me.
好了 好了 第二轮又来了 Great, great. Round 2.
我相信你们懂的 I'm sure you guys get it.
当然 我们的小家伙在车里更闹腾 Oh, totally. Our little ones are even worse in the car.
我去把他们带过来让孩子们一起玩 Oh, I'll go get them so the kids can play.
你们的房子 可真是 真是 真漂亮 Wow. Your house, it's -- it's -- it's beautiful.
而且 天啊 这个盘子太美了 And -- Oh, my God, this plate is gorgeous.
谢谢夸奖 我们在尼泊尔 Oh, thank you. Yeah, we got that in Nepal
一个童女神庆典节日上买的 at a festival celebrating the child goddess Kumari.
我和童[童年]女神最近的一次接触 Oh, well, the closest I've been to a child goddess
就是我的女星茱兒·芭莉摩午餐盒 was my Drew Barrymore lunch box.
老天 你们的房子好干净 God, your house is so clean!
你们有孩子是怎么让它保持这么干净的 How do you keep it so clean with kids?
它们来啦 Here they are.
这是德文和丹妮诗 This is Devon and Denise.
这 这是你的 这就是你的孩子 Th-Those are your -- Those are your kids.
老天 我又来了 Oh, my God. I did it again.
我太习惯叫它们孩子了 I'm so used to calling them our kids,
有的时候我忘记说清楚 sometimes I forget to clarify.
没事 没关系 No. It's fine.
德文可真是个小可爱啊 And isn't Devon just a little cutie?
那是丹妮诗 她是有意思的那一个 That's Denise. She's the funny one.
爸爸 我好无聊哦 Daddy, I'm bored.
好了 这样不礼貌 莉莉 Okay, that's not polite, Lily.
稍安勿躁 小淑女 Now, hang on, little lady.
我来给你找点乐子 I'm about to get your party started.
这是一套斯里兰卡买的手刻双陆棋 This is a hand-carved backgammon set from Sri Lanka.
用手套 好好玩吧 Use the gloves. Have fun.
孩子们玩的时候 And while the kids are playing...
或者噎着的时候 Or choking.
不如你们和我们一起来厨房 ...why don't you guys join us in the kitchen?
我来拿点酒 I'll grab us some wine.
我希望你不介意白葡萄酒 I hope you don't mind white.
我们因为一次红酒事件损失了一个沙发 We lost a couch to a Cabernet incident,
特兰特现在还有阴影 and Trent still gets flashbacks.
好了 去玩吧 孩子们 Okay. Go have fun, kids.
-好 -好好 - Yes! - Okay, okay.
第一点 不能喝果汁 First of all, no drinking juice.
让我来从上到下检查一遍 Let me pat him down.
好了 让我来检查一下你 All right. Let me check you.
好了 他没问题 All right, he is clean.
等等 这是什么 Wait. What is this?
那东西怎么会在这 How did that get in there?
好了 好了 听着 你过来 Okay, okay, look. Hey, come here.
坐在这 不要动 Just sit here. Do not move.
你可以和德文... 妮诗玩 You can play with Devon...ise.
你可以看你的卡车视频 Uh, you can watch your truck videos.
你 别让他离开你的视线 Hey, don't take your eyes off of him.
所以 确认一下 我不能有快乐童年吗 So, just to be clear, I don't get any childhood?
拜托 上周我们还教你怎么做果馅饼呢 Oh, please. Last week, we taught you how to make flan.
是迪兰 That's Dylan.
你需要我留下吗 You need me to stick around?
不用 我刚刚在楼下练习该说什么 Nope. I was just downstairs practicing what to say,
我准备好面对每种可能的情景了 and I am prepared for every possible scenario.
来吧 Okay.
-你好 亲爱的 -不 - Hello, love! - ‭Oh, no.
我也想你 海莉 I missed you, too, Haley.
大惊喜 Surprise!
阿尔文从瑞士打电话给我 Arvin called me from Switzerland
因为他想给你个惊喜 'cause he wanted to surprise you,
所以我偷偷去机场把他接来了 so I snuck to the airport and picked him up.
真不敢相信我们没被发现 I can't believe we got away with it!
-乖乖 又击掌 -没错 - Oh, good. This again. - Yeah!
-快进来 -快看我 - Uh, come inside! - Look at me!
我去泡点茶 I'm gonna go make some tea!
是啊 快看他 Yeah, look at him!
不要接近那扇门 Get away from that door
邓菲先生 Oh, hey, Mr. Dunphy.
你伤了我的"心" You broke my heart.
迪兰 Look, Dylan --
无需解释 邓非先生 No explanation necessary, Mr. D.
假如你不得不对我动粗并将我挟持 If you had to rough me up and take me hostage,
我相信你有充分的理由 I'm sure you had your reasons.
好吧 迪兰 我们得先谈谈你这扮相 Okay, Dylan, first, we have to talk about your costume.
-你喜欢吗 -非常棒 - Do you love it? - ‭It's fantastic!
但时机不能更糟了 But the timing couldn't be worse.
-为什么 -你先坐 - Why? - ‭Have a seat.
还是站着吧 You know what? Standing's fine.
听着 阿尔文来了 Listen. Arvin's here.
他从瑞士飞回来给海莉惊喜 He flew back from Switzerland to surprise Haley.
我的对手也搞大示爱 I'm up against another grand gesture.
他扮成什么了 What's he dressed as?
他没变装 穿自己衣服来的 Nothing. Just-just himself.
我觉得我胜算很大 I like my chances.
我很抱歉没回你电话 I'm sorry I didn't call you back.
我只是需要时间来思考迪兰这件事 I just needed time to process the whole Dylan thing.
完全可以理解 That's totally understandable.
妈 接下来交给我吧 Mom, got it from here.
当然 Of course.
我们真的吓到她了对吗 We really got her, huh?
原谅我 我实在不想击掌了 Forgive me. I can't anymore.
-我做不到 -好的 - I just -- I can't. - ‭Okay.
海莉 我有话要告诉你 Haley, I need to tell you something.
我越过男女界限了 I transgressed.
你从女人变成了男人吗 You were a woman?
不 不是 No. No.
在你告诉我那个吻的事后 After you told me about your kiss, um,
我径直去了其他科学家常光顾的酒吧 I headed straight to a pub frequented by other scientists
长话短说 and, long story short,
我吻了一个核物理学家 I kissed a nuclear physicist.
我知道这话有些政治不正确 I know it's not PC to say,
但他们还真是所有科学学科里最"随便"的了 but they really are the loosest of the scientific disciplines.
我原谅你 I forgive you.
就这样 这么快 Just like that, so fast?
为什么不 我们同意彼此一样有错 Yeah. Why not? Let's just agree we're both equally guilty,
向前看 永不再讨论这件事吧 move on, and never talk about it again.
声明一下 我忍住了没和她更进一步 For the record, it could have gone further.
我希望你能为此夸我一下 I-I just want a little credit for that.
好的 Okay.
妈 Mom!
怎么了 What?
我每天三点都这样做 I do this every day at 3:00.
兄台 你在做什么呢 Harpo, what are you doing?
研究你 创造角色 Studying you, creating a character.
你就假想我不在 Imagine I'm not here.
我没那么有想象力 I'm not that creative.
不如你帮我一把实际离开 Maybe you could help me.
真粗鲁 我喜欢 So gruff. Love it.
-我走 -我走 - I'm leaving. - ‭I'm leaving.
很好 你走 Good. You go.
瞧瞧你们 Look at you,
我的两个好朋友 mis dos amigos! ‭
瞧瞧 瞧瞧你们 我的两个好朋友 Look at-look at you, mis dos amigos!
的确听起来很像我 That does sound like me.
你真有天赋 You're so talented.
太奇怪了 Okay, that was strange.
歌洛莉亚最讨厌别人模仿她 Gloria hates when people imitate her.
然后歌洛莉亚说"我的'爷"[鞋]哪去了 And then Gloria says, "Where are my 'chews'?
没有"爷"我怎么去俱乐部 I cannot go to the club without my 'chews.'
你的傻狗把我的"爷"咬坏了" Your stupid doggie chews my 'chews'!"
很好笑 Ay, funny.
曼尼 宝贝 来帮我揉揉脚踝 Manny, come rub my ankles, papi!
很好 Good, good.
不过你那个搞笑老头的角色练得怎么样了 But how is your funny old man character coming?
谁给我倒杯威士忌 Somebody get me a scotch
要和我的背痛一样烈的 that's as stiff as my back.
再学一次 Do that again!
就靠这个发达了 That's the money!
你怎么知道她在练这个 How did you know she was doing that?
她特别支持我 这是她的主意 She is so supportive. It was her idea.
原来如此 And there it was.
歌洛莉亚和我一样不喜欢那个怪胎住在家里 Gloria didn't want that weirdo here any more than I did.
她只是希望我来做坏人 She just wanted me to be the bad guy.
不过她可想得美 But the joke's on her,
因为我可以很短暂地对他人很友好 because, for short bursts of time, I can be quite nice.
我们在尝试新的调味饭菜谱 We're trying out a new recipe for risotto.
我们去托斯卡纳找松露 We went truffle hunting in Tuscany,
偷偷多夹带回来一些 and we brought back a few more than we declared.
你一个堂堂法院官员竟这么坏 Oh, and you, an officer of the court. So naughty.
别担心 我们没那么死板 Don't worry. We're cool.
我们的生发剂也是墨西哥弄回来的 We get our Propecia in Mexico.
多跟我们说说托斯卡纳的事 Tell us more about Tuscany.
记得我们攒钱计划去旅行吗 Remember when we were saving up to go there?
后来那笔钱用在什么上面了 What did we end up blowing that money on?
-莉莉 -是啊 - Lily. - ‭Right.
你们的生活听起来真多彩多姿 Oh, well, your life sounds so exciting.
你们的房子这么漂亮 全是好东西 Your house is so beautiful, with such nice things.
他们不需要把钱花在牙齿矫正 Well, they don't have to spend their money on orthodontia,
-芭蕾课和大学基金上 -是啊 - ballet lessons, and college funds. - ‭Yeah.
这山望着那山高 The grass is greener.
你们的山的确更高 Your grass is greener.
我们都没办法让卡尔在室内尿尿 We can't seem to get Cal to pee indoors.
你的家庭看起来很美好 Well, your family seems great.
米奇尔在单位也锋芒毕露 And, Mitchell, you are killing it at the office.
真的吗 Really?
因为我觉得我接到的 Because I-I feel like I'm kind of getting
都是不起眼 入门级的官司 more low-profile, starter cases.
我要是你就不会担心 Uh, I wouldn't worry about that.
其实我最近接了一起大官司 There's actually a big case that I am working on,
我认为你... I think you will --
我的天 Oh, my God.
-什么声音 -快去 - What was that?! - ‭Go! Go!
拜托千万是他家孩子惹的祸 Please let it be one of their kids.
你们在这呢 There you are!
海莉 你有空吗 Hey. Uh, Haley, do you have a sec?
你不介意的话 我俩有点脱不开身 If you don't mind, we were kind of in the middle of something.
菲尔 你为什么要打扰他们俩 Phil, what are you doing intruding on these two?
我办公室里有样东西得给海莉看看 I just need to show Haley something in my office.
我刚才在打扫 偶然看到一个旧娃娃 I was doing a little cleaning, and I came across this old doll
过去她特别喜欢 that used to mean a lot to her.
你不能直接处理掉它吗 Can't you just get rid of the doll?
本来要处理 但我真的认为 I started to, but it really seems like
你该自己去 有个了结 something you should do, you know, for closure.
你说得对 You're right.
等等 娃娃还需要了结吗 Wait. You need closure from a doll?
感觉有点怪 That seems odd.
毕竟我16岁起就和那个娃娃一起睡了 Well, I did sleep with that thing since I was like 16.
16岁 16?
不 Oh, no.
迪兰 Dylan.
迪兰怎么会在这 What is Dylan doing here?
他来搞大示爱 He's making a grand gesture.
不和海莉谈谈他不肯走 He won't leave until he talks to Haley.
我的天 不过是一个吻而已 Oh, my God. It was one kiss.
又傻又天真的克莱尔 Poor, naive Claire.
是两个吻 It was two kisses.
你是怎么掺和进来的 You have something to do with this?
海莉一直对他玩人间蒸发 Haley was ghosting him.
那是什么意思 What does that mean?
你也太不潮了 You are so not hip.
她不肯回他电话 She wouldn't call him back,
所以我叫她做正确的事 so I told her to do the right thing
当面有个了结 或者随便怎样 and end it -- or whatever -- in person.
"随便怎样" 那可不行 "Or whatever"? No "or whatever."
她从青春期起就"随便怎样"了 She's been "or whatever-ing" since puberty.
她是时候成熟起来了 It is time for her to grow up.
无所谓 Doesn't matter. Look,
归根结底我们对她的期望是一样的 we both want the same thing for her in the end.
-绝对的 -没错 - Absolutely. - ‭Right.
让她自己做出选择 For her to make her own decision.
当然 唯一的选择是 阿尔文 Of course. The only decision is...Arvin.
我同意 阿尔文很出众 ‭I agree. Arvin is very impressive.
但你该知道迪兰最近 But you should know Dylan has been
在勤勉地读护理学校 putting himself through nursing school,
在医院工作 跑步 working at the hospital, running.
别告诉我你是真心在维护那家伙 You're not honestly making a case for that guy?
那家伙会为海莉出生入死 That guy would take a bullet for Haley.
你为什么对他感情这么深 Why are you so invested in him?
因为我当年和他一样 Because I was that guy!
我不管喜欢哪个女孩都配不上人家 I was the underdog with every girl I ever liked.
真窝心 That's very sweet.
可重点不在于你 But this isn't about you.
重点在于海莉 This is about Haley
是选择受人尊敬 有魅力的科学家 being with a respected, charming scientist
还是选择在莉莉哄骗下吃掉一盒蜡笔的家伙 versus a guy who Lily convinced to eat a box of crayons.
他只咬了一支蜡笔一口 It was one bite out of one crayon.
还是因为他被蒙着眼睛 It was only because he was blindfolded
手指又被手指锁锁住了 and trapped in a Chinese finger puzzle.
我不知道阿尔文会来 I had no idea Arvin was going to be here,
但我们改天再谈好吗 but can we please do this another time?
改天我就没有这身装扮了 海莉 I won't have the costume another time, Haley.
这就是陪你睡了多年的娃娃[美男] So, this is the doll you slept with.
你也长得挺好看的 Hey, you're pretty handsome yourself.
我有太多问题了 So many questions.
第一 你要是因为吻他而难过 First -- why have you snuck 'round to see the bloke
又为什么偷偷摸摸见他 you supposedly feel terrible about kissing?
我不是炫耀 但大多数情况下 Yo, I hope this doesn't sound braggy, but for the most part,
人们吻过我后一点都不难过 people do not feel terrible about kissing me.
你们俩打住 Okay, guys, stop.
听好了 这位好傻好天真的朋友 Listen to me, my simple friend.
我刚坐了14小时飞机中间排的位子 I just spent 14 hours in a middle seat.
我劝你最好别挡老子的道 I suggest you get out of my space.
我还要建议你下次去做有逃生门那排呢 Well, I suggest, next time, you ask about an exit row.
虽然还是可能得做到中间排 但好歹够伸腿 It could still be a middle seat, but you'd have more leg room.
你给我走 You have to go!
够了 停止打架或者随便这个什么鬼 Enough! Stop fighting or whatever this is.
阿尔文 你在这里啊 Arvin! There you are!
你也好啊 迪兰 Oh. Hi, Dylan.
如往常一般容光焕发啊 邓菲太太 Radiant as ever, Mrs. D.
海莉 赶紧让他滚啊 Haley, tell him to leave.
我来试试缓解这场面吧 Let me see if I can defuse the situation.
妈 老爸 别再插手我的人生 Mom, Dad, stop meddling in my life.
现在都出去 Outside now!
-行吧 -立刻 - All right. - Now!
好好好 Okay. Okay.
快帮忙 我不知道该怎么办了 Help me. I don't know what to do.
我的面具 My mask!
我们真的超级对不起 We are so, so sorry.
我试过要挡住他了 I tried to block him.
他假动作骗我去救玻璃青蛙了 He faked going for the glass frog.
我真不敢相信 I can't believe it.
深呼吸 宝贝 深呼吸 Breathe, honey. Breathe.
我们能修好吗 Can we fix it?
不一定啊 你有没有非洲第一高峰上 Oh, I don't know. Do you happen to have any clay
因融雪而成的黏土呢 from the melted runoff of Kilimanjaro?
因为它就是用这材料做的 Because that's what it's made of!
这是我们第一次去坦桑尼亚时得到的 We got it on our first trip to Tanzania.
被治好他牛皮癣的萨满所加持过 It was blessed by the shaman that healed his psoriasis.
我们很乐意去找替代品补偿你的损失 Of course we'll be happy to pay to replace it.
这东西无可替代 It's irreplaceable!
天啊 Oh, my God.
又开始发作了 It's back. Oh.
我们真觉得道再多歉也不够 We cannot apologize enough.
这话可能还真说对了 That's probably true.
我去弄午饭 I'll go get lunch.
惨了 这真的很糟糕 Okay, this is a disaster.
但你可还有留意到他有提起 I know, but is any part of you still hearing
"第一次去坦桑尼亚时" "first trip to Tanzania"?
他就差一点就要把那个案子给我了 He was just about to offer me the case I want.
没事 以后还会有别的案子 Well, there'll be other cases.
不行 这案子牵扯到一个音乐制作人 No. This one involves a music producer,
一个高级伴游 还有非法武器销售 an escort, and illegal arms sales, okay?
我想要将他们绳之以法 I want to bring them to justice.
而且他们已经卖出了电影翻拍版权 Plus, they've already sold the movie rights.
有可能会是帅哥男星瑞恩·高斯林演我呢 I could be played by Ryan Gosling.
是是是 亲爱的 要胸怀大志 That's it, honey. Aim high.
天啊 这下怎么办 Oh, my God. What can we do?
我们该怎么解释 What can we do?
-快点 快咬我脚踝 -你说什么 - Quick. Bite my ankle. ‭- Excuse me?
快点 趁他们回来之前咬 这样我就能说 Hurry, before they come back. I'm gonna tell them
是狗咬了我 这样面具的事就能抵消了 the dog did it. It'll cancel out the mask.
快咬 Just do it.
大力点 得留下伤痕 Harder. It needs to scar me.
这绝对给我心灵留下了伤痕 It's definitely scarring me.
得让他们相信是狗咬的 They need to believe a dog did it.
这个嘛... 如果你们... Oh. Well, if you're --
如果你们午饭要让我们等这么久 you're gonna make us wait so long to eat,
看到这一幕也不算什么奇怪的事吧 this shouldn't come as a surprise.
歌洛莉亚 快来看 Gloria, come here!
你一定得来看 她太出色了 You got to see this. She's on fire.
你快瞧瞧 Now, check this out.
我能给她出任何题 I can throw anything at her,
她都能瞬间演得超爆笑 and she can make comedy gold out of it.
来 Here. Um...
约翰·特拉沃尔塔在潜水艇里 John Travolta in a submarine.
懂了吧 因为潜艇里很狭窄 Yeah, because a submarine is small.
该男星在著名电影《周末夜狂热》中的经典舞步
歌洛莉亚你说得真对 她超搞笑 You were right, Gloria. She's hilarious.
再来一题吧 Do another one. Um...
霸王龙打排球 T. Rex in a volleyball game.
你看看 Look at that.
霸王龙的小短手很难杀球 It's hard to spike with little arms.
杰 能借一步说话吗 Jay, can I talk to you in there for a second?
行行行 没问题 Yeah, yeah. All right.
我马上回来 I'll be right back.
太好笑了 What a hoot!
你耍什么阴招呢 老鬼 What is your game, old man?
没招啊 我超喜欢 Nothing. I'm loving this.
我现在只怕她哪天火了会想搬走 My only fear is that she might hit it big and leave us.
你当我傻啊 You think I'm an idiot?
没人会觉得刚才的表演好笑 Nobody thinks that that is funny.
你说实话 你明明比我更想要她滚蛋 Be honest -- you want her out of here more than I do.
行 但我不想当那种 Okay, fine, but I don't want to be the mother
讨厌自己儿子女朋友的妈妈 that hates her son's girlfriends.
我也不想再当家里那个坏人了 I don't want to be the villain anymore.
但这是你的职责啊 But that's your job.
我是负责安静有趣的母亲 I am the quiet and fun one.
你是没看到她模仿你的样子吗 Have you not heard her impression of you?
像到爆炸 It's dead-on.
你想把她赶走你就自己动手 You want to get rid of her, you do it.
不需要 因为我假装喜欢她的持续力 I won't have to, because I can pretend
将会比你长很多 that I like Sherry longer than you can.
你会先受不了的 You will crack first.
你会先受不了的 You will crack first!
雪莉 你不能住这里了 Sherry, you cannot stay here.
什么 为什么啊 What? Why?
因为你快把我逼疯了 Because you're driving me crazy.
我还以为你挺喜欢我呢 But I thought you liked me.
孩子 我也不知道说什么 她很难相处 What can I say, kid? She's rough.
我去帮你拿行李 Let me get your bag.
我回来啦 你们猜怎么着 ‭Hey, I'm back! Guess what.
我以前帮主任写的那些书法有回报了 All that calligraphy I've done for the dean paid off.
他说我可以跟你住一起了 He said you can stay with me.
你妈妈刚说她讨厌我 Your mom just told me she hates me.
妈 你为什么会说这种话 Mom, why would you say that?
落幕 And scene!
为什么我不能叫迪兰走 Why can't I tell Dylan to leave?
因为你对你人生首次真心成熟 Because you are scared of the first real, adult relationship
对象还完美的恋情感到惶恐 所以想躲回旧爱 with the perfect man, and you're clinging to the past.
也可能你跟迪兰有着十分特别的缘分 Or you and Dylan have a special connection
而且你还爱着他 and you still love him.
完全没帮到我 Not helping.
天啊 他们俩都是很好的男人 God, they're both such great guys,
但型真的好不一样 but they're so different.
我到底该怎么选啊 How am I supposed to choose?
你们当时怎么选中彼此的 How did you guys do it?
乖女儿 我... Well, sweetheart, I --
这题我真是帮不上你了 I'm not gonna be any help here.
从我见到你妈妈的那一秒 我就抛弃了选择 From the minute I met your mom, there was no choice.
她聪明又坚强 She was smart. She was strong.
她对父亲的怨恨恰好够爱上我这样的人 She resented her father just enough to go for a guy like me.
她... 她让我的人生得到了平衡 She -- She gave my life balance,
我现在早已无法想象失去她会如何 and now I can't imagine it without her.
而且她... Also, she's --
真的长得超正 she's crazy hot.
老妈 Mom?
首先呢 Well, first of all, um,
我对能说出刚才那种话的男人没抵抗力 I'm a sucker for guys who say things like that.
你爸爸是我见过人最好 最积极正面的人 Your dad is the nicest, most positive person I know,
他总能帮我找到生命中的那些欢乐 and he always helps me find the fun in life.
而且他... 现在看起来还是超顺眼的呢 And, uh, he is still real easy on the peepers.
我们真的很幸运呢 Aww. We really are lucky.
对啊 Oh, I know.
我都忘了我们刚才在吵什么了 I forgot what we were even fighting about.
我也是 Me too.
你们没在吵架 刚才是在讨论我的烦恼 You weren't fighting. We were talking about my problem.
-对哦 -亲爱的 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, honey,
你最好还是忘了我们说的那些话 you should probably just ignore everything we said
然后想象分别与他们在一起的人生会如何 and try to imagine your life with each of them.
你能看到什么画面 What do you see?
跟阿尔文在一起 能预见到又大又漂亮的房子 I guess, with Arvin, I see a big, beautiful house...
阿尔文 Arvin!
阿尔文你等等我 Arvin, wait!
房子里摆满了各种书籍 ...lined with books,
有趣的人们来家里拜访 interesting people coming in and out,
与一个出色的男人一起养大孩子 raising kids with a brilliant man.
我真的很对不起 我... I'm so sorry. I...
没事啦 Oh, well.
现在我可能得用我的聪明才智干坏事了 Now I may have to use my genius for evil.
而你就是我的恶人黑化起源 You're my origin story.
什么 What?
每个超级坏蛋都有个令他们那么... Every supervillain has a reason they're so...
算了 或许这样最好 You know, maybe this is for the best.
与迪兰在一起呢 我能预见 With Dylan, I see us in a cute, little place
我们小而温馨 但需要努力改善的家 that needs a ton of work.
我们或许没办法拥有各种最好的东西 We may not have all the nicest things,
但永远会有音乐与欢声笑语 but there's music and laughing,
而且我知道我能永远当自己 and I know I can always be myself,
他也会永远爱真正的我 and he'll always love me for it.
我刚刚结束一段恋情 I just got out of a relationship.
我现在真的是一团乱 I'm, like, a complete mess.
那太好了 我就喜欢一团乱 That's perfect. I love messes.
我们能不能... 退后一步 Can we, uh, take a step back
就单纯从约个会开始 and just go out on a date?
没问题 Sure.
座驾已在此等候多时 Your chariot awaits.
我这样坐不进我的车嘛 I couldn't fit in my car, you know.
好 我就先... Okay, I'll just -- Oh!
我们俩看来是永远也别想退休了吧 We're never gonna be able to retire, are we?
别想了 Nope.
很遗憾那个很有料的案子没到手 Ah. I'm sorry the juicy trial didn't work out.
你还好吗 Are you okay?
如果我能有机会重来 Yeah. I-I guess if I had to do it all over again,
我不会再叫你咬我 I wouldn't have told you to bite me.
好奇怪啊 我居然什么都没问就去咬了 Weird how I just went along with that, no questions.
说到有机会重来 And speaking of doing it all over again,
你有后悔过要孩子吗 do you ever regret having kids?
当然不啦 Of course not.
这么说吧 我有过回想过去 I mean, do I sometimes look back
然后希望一切与现在不同吗 and wish everything was different?
如果你的答案是"有" 那就是有后悔 If you say "yes," that is regret.
那没有 因为如果没有孩子们 Then, no, because if we didn't have them
我会变成像特伦特 一个紧张兮兮的神经病 I would be Trent, an uptight lunatic
会因为一个小饰物坏了就崩溃 who falls apart over a broken tchotchke.
孩子们能开拓你的视野 I mean, kids give you perspective.
让你理解什么才是真正重要的东西 You realize what's important,
让你能放开那些... to let go of...
我们家最后的好东西也碎了 And there goes our last nice thing.
感谢老天给了我们一个解脱 Thank God we're free now.