m 211 -8 b 217 -6 217 -4 217 -2 l 217 24 b 217 26 217 29 211 31 l 31 31 b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
m 50 0 l 179 0 b 208 0 229 21 229 50 l 229 179 b 229 208 208 228 179 228 l 50 228 b 21 228 0 208 0 179 l 0 50 b 0 21 21 0 50 0
m 0 0 b 1 -1 2 -2 4 -1 b 7 1 3 2 5 5 b 6 7 8 7 9 5 l 15 -6 b 18 -7 20 -6 20 -3 b 19 -1 17 2 17 4 b 16 7 20 7 21 6 b 22 4 23 2 25 -1 b 27 -2 29 -1 29 1 b 29 2 28 3 29 5 b 30 7 32 7 33 6 b 34 5 34 4 35 3 b 37 2 39 3 39 5 b 39 6 38 8 37 9 b 34 13 29 13 25 9 b 22 13 17 13 13 9 b 10 13 3 13 0 8
m 325 0 l 355 0 l 332 47 l 354 47 l 399 136 l 369 136 l 328 53 l 288 136 l 257 136 l 325 0 m 467 0 l 497 0 l 474 47 l 496 47 l 541 136 l 511 136 l 470 53 l 430 136 l 399 136 l 467 0 m 545 1 l 583 1 l 583 14 l 568 14 l 568 19 l 583 19 l 583 30 l 568 30 l 568 34 l 599 34 l 599 30 l 583 30 l 583 19 l 599 19 l 599 14 l 583 14 l 583 1 l 611 1 b 616 1 622 6 622 10 l 622 36 l 652 0 l 678 0 l 644 41 l 622 41 l 622 47 l 596 47 l 597 54 l 625 54 l 625 68 l 541 68 l 541 54 l 572 54 l 571 47 l 545 47 l 545 1 m 583 72 l 583 85 l 569 85 l 569 90 l 598 90 l 598 85 l 583 85 l 583 72 l 611 72 b 615 72 621 78 621 82 l 653 44 l 678 44 l 644 86 l 621 86 l 621 103 l 597 103 l 597 136 l 570 136 l 564 126 l 562 136 l 542 136 l 548 107 l 568 107 l 565 121 l 571 121 l 571 103 l 547 103 l 547 72 l 583 72 m 600 107 l 620 107 l 624 124 l 653 89 l 679 89 l 642 136 l 615 136 l 618 132 l 606 132 l 600 107 m 689 0 l 716 0 l 721 15 l 732 15 l 732 30 l 718 56 l 731 56 l 735 100 l 721 100 l 717 59 l 714 64 l 714 136 l 693 136 l 693 79 l 676 79 l 707 30 l 679 30 l 679 15 l 694 15 l 689 0 m 738 0 l 804 0 b 807 0 813 6 813 9 l 813 87 l 794 87 l 794 14 l 756 14 l 756 87 l 763 77 l 763 21 l 787 21 l 787 91 l 798 91 l 798 120 l 820 120 l 812 136 l 778 136 l 778 90 l 748 136 l 723 136 l 756 87 l 738 87 l 738 0 m 257 151 l 275 151 l 297 182 l 319 151 l 337 151 l 304 197 l 304 227 l 290 227 l 290 197 l 257 151 m 337 151 l 355 151 l 377 182 l 399 151 l 417 151 l 384 197 l 384 227 l 370 227 l 370 197 l 337 151 m 425 192 l 447 192 b 445 181 427 181 425 192 l 410 192 b 414 162 458 162 462 192 l 462 206 l 425 206 b 425 210 429 212 433 213 l 462 213 l 462 227 l 433 227 b 412 227 408 203 410 192 m 462 151 l 532 151 l 532 165 l 504 165 l 504 227 l 489 227 l 489 165 l 462 165 l 462 151 m 580 172 l 580 186 l 549 186 b 543 186 543 192 549 192 l 565 192 b 589 192 589 227 565 227 l 532 227 l 532 213 l 565 213 b 570 213 570 206 565 206 l 549 206 b 524 206 524 172 549 172 l 580 172 m 592 213 l 606 213 l 606 227 l 592 227 l 592 213 m 639 172 l 665 172 l 665 186 l 639 186 b 623 186 623 213 639 213 l 665 213 l 665 227 l 639 227 b 603 227 603 172 639 172 m 700 184 b 722 184 722 215 700 215 l 700 229 b 740 229 740 170 700 170 b 660 170 660 229 700 229 l 700 215 b 680 215 680 184 700 184 m 737 172 l 782 172 b 803 172 813 177 813 198 l 813 228 l 799 228 l 799 198 b 799 186 793 187 782 187 l 782 228 l 768 228 l 768 187 l 752 187 l 752 228 l 737 228 l 737 172
原创翻译 双语字幕
最新连载海外影视剧下载 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com 仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
m 200 -1 l 200 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
m 38 -1 l 44 6 l 38 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
翻译 incanto Flora哎呀呀 油腻希 斑驳
翻译 亲爱的小饭 洗七里 圣诞怪杰赛太公
校对 新浪微博@赛太公
时间轴 三水
后期 圣诞Happy瓜
总监 生无可恋瓜
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第十集
平安夜快乐 艾丽克斯 Merry Christmas Eve, Alex.
他还活着啊 So, he's still alive --
你一定还没跟妈妈说你怀孕的事吧 must mean you haven't told Mom you're pregnant yet.
我们想谨慎处理好这件事 We want to be careful to do it right.
现在你倒知道谨慎了 Now you're being careful?
我没办法再保守秘密了 I can't keep this secret anymore.
看看我 Look at me!
她头发都发白了 ‭Ugh. She's going gray.
我的天 还真是 Oh my God, she is!
我刚才是在惊讶她的丑发型呢 I was just gasping at the haircut.
我现在似乎一有压力就会这样 Apparently, this is what happens when I feel stress now.
好吧 我们一定会在今天告诉他们 好吗 Well, we're telling them today, okay?
这样的话 就算妈妈生气 That way, if Mom freaks,
她也有十天的时间在百慕大冷静下来 she'll have 10 days in Bermuda to calm down.
行啊 那现在就去啊 Okay, then go now!
她不会有比平安夜心情更好的时候了 She's never in a better mood than on Christmas Eve.
等一下 这样告诉她怎么样 Wait, is this a good way to tell her?
我们挂只袜子给"克莱尔外婆" We hang a stocking for "Grandma Claire,"
然后当她说"我不是外婆"的时候 and when she goes, "I'm not a grandma,"
我们就说 跟海莉和我"滴"宝宝说去吧 we go, "Tell that to Haley and my's baby."
答应我 送孩子去上学 别留家教育 Promise me you won't home school this kid.
妈妈 你在干嘛呢 Hey, Mom. What are you doing?
圣诞贺卡就是一堆废纸 Ugh, Christmas cards are just clutter.
等下等下等下 Wait, wait, wait, wait.
你可不能扔掉小卡舅舅的贺卡 You can't throw away Uncle Cam's card.
你知道他对钢琴上的布局有多敏感 You know how sensitive he gets about his piano placement.
还记得那年他的贺卡 Remember that one year where his card
比我们家老保姆的卡片放得靠后了一点吗 was slightly behind the one from our old babysitter?
我想他用了句迷人的措辞 Mm, I believe he spoke the charming phrase,
"这臭婊子是谁" "And who is this whore?"
今年圣诞节在外公家过 Well, Christmas ‭is at Grandpa's this year,
所以小卡不会看到它的 so Cam will never see it.
看看这些滑雪橇的北极熊包装纸 Check out the sledding polar bear paper.
看到它不由自主就会有好心情 对吧 Can't look at that and not be in a good mood, huh?
可不是吗 Yeah.
我超讨厌这玩意儿 I am so sick of that stuff.
我为了学校活动跟某孩子订了5卷 I ordered five rolls from some kid for a school drive.
结果他带来了50卷... 他的错 He shows up with fifty -- his fault.
这孩子就哭了起来 Kid bursts into tears.
好像他不会数数是我的错 Like it's on me that he can't count?
-我那时才六岁 妈妈 -行吧 -I was six, Mom. -Mm.
去百慕大就该这样穿 Bermuda just gets it --
正式却不失休闲 formal yet casual.
而且还能看到世界上晒黑最完美的 And home of the most perfectly tanned
大腿下部和膝盖上部区域 lower thigh, upper knee region in the world.
以后在更衣室要找到百慕大同乡就很容易了 Not hard to pick out a Bermudan in a locker room.
别了吧 等一下 No. Oh, hang on.
等等 这不对啊 Wait. Well, this can't be right.
这个行程表上说我们有四个航班 This itinerary says we're on four flights
和三次中转 with three layovers.
是啊 Oh, yeah, um...
记得我在网上找到那个很棒的机票吗 remember how I found that amazing airline deal online?
记得 可是其中两个中转长达六个小时 Yeah, but two of these layovers are six hours each.
是啊 但第三个只有十二分钟呢 Yes, but the third one's only 12 minutes.
但那是在奥黑尔机场 But it's at O'Hare.
亲爱的 我们得在十二分钟内 Honey, we'll have to sprint
从机场的这头跑到那头 from one end of the airport to the other.
当我们12月27日在百慕大醒来的时候 It'll all be worth it when we wake up on December 27th
一切都是值得的 那里天气预报显示... in Bermuda, ‭where the forecast predicts...
热雾 hot fog.
我们就不能坐直达班机吗 Can't we just take a direct flight?
不能变更 条款写得很清楚 There's no changes, the terms were very clear.
这是一个新网站促销活动 It was part of a promotion for a new website
那网站叫做机.票网 called Tickets.Plane
对了 我要在附近带人看房 Oh, yeah, I have a showing right down the street.
好的 等一下 Okay. Wait, hang on.
先别急着走 Don't leave. Don't leave.
低等经济舱是什么 What is Economy Minus?
其实应该是升等才对 A plus, actually,
因为这舱里没有人会嫉妒坐不到走道位 since no one's jealous of people with aisle seats,
这基本上是两排创新的十八人长椅 because it's basically two innovative 18-person benches
面对面放着 facing each other.
菲尔 Phil?!
-什么事 -没事 - What? - Nothing.
谁动了小卡的贺卡 Who moved Cam's card?
如果不放在壁炉上小卡会很不开心的 He's gonna be very upset if he's not on the mantel!
我把它放在抽屉里了 等他来再拿出来 I put it in a drawer until he gets here.
上面的闪粉粘得到处都是 That glitter ‭was getting on everything.
我还吸进了一点 I breathed some of that in.
我现在咳出的都是金粉 I cough gold now.
歌洛莉亚 你有一个哥伦比亚来的包裹 Gloria, you got a package from Colombia.
看来你们政府拿回飞机跑道了 Must mean the government took back the airstrip.
那是我亲戚们送的礼物 Those are the gifts from my cousins!
真好看 Beautiful!
在老家我们叫它"毛衣之圣诞[西语]" Back home we call these sueteres de Navidad.
所以就是圣诞毛衣呗 So...Christmas sweaters.
快穿上 我们来拍张照 Put them on ‭so we can take a picture.
这毛衣真柔软 Wow, these are really soft.
可舒适保暖了 Damn cozy is what they are.
看 他们还送了香蕉叶花环 Oh, look, they also sent a banana leaf wreath.
香蕉蜘蛛 Banana spider!
-什么 -那是什么鬼玩意 - What?! - What is that?!
是一种致命毒蜘蛛 能杀死人的 It's a deadly spider! It will kill you!
我知道致命是什么意思 I know what deadly means!
它去哪了 Well, where'd it go?
我的家居鞋不包脚后跟 I'm wearing backless house slippers!
我觉得它跑到 I think it ran over to the --
它占领圣诞树了 He took the tree!
只有我觉得有点痒吗 Am I the only one who feels kinda itchy?
毛衣有问题 The sweaters.
明处有一只 暗处上百千 Where there's one, there's many!
-快跑 -我们走 - Run! - Let's go!
老天 它占领遥控器了 Dear God, he's got the remote.
来笑一个 Okay, smile!
这个完了我们能去看看手机吗 Can we go look at phones after this?
不行 莉莉 圣诞节不能给你手机当礼物 No, Lily, you are not getting a cell phone for Christmas.
手机很贵 你还没有证明自己 They're expensive, ‭and you haven't proven yourself
有足够的责任感拥有自己的一部手机 responsible enough to own one yet.
我够有责任感了 我都到一个陌生的国家 Uh, I was responsible enough to come to a foreign country
和两个陌生人过日子了 and build a life with two strangers.
你想晚点睡觉的时候用过这理由了 Okay, you used that one to get a later bedtime, all right?
卡尔 你是下一个 Oh, Cal, you're next.
我们想给卡尔一个完美圣诞 We want Cal to have a perfect Christmas.
这挺有难度 毕竟他妈妈在监狱 It's tough with his mom being in prison.
另外 他的圣诞季开始得有点糟糕 Plus, his holiday season kind of got off to a rough start.
你知道吗 我们选的所有装饰品里 You know, of all of our wonderful ornament selects,
这俩是我的最爱 these are my fave.
圣诞快乐[M.C] Merry Christmas!
也是米奇和小卡的首字母缩写 From Mitch and Cam!
♪ 驯鹿屋顶上停下来 ♪ ♪ Up on the rooftop, reindeer pause ♪
Up On The Housetop
♪ 圣诞老人蹦下雪橇 ♪ ♪ Out jumps good old Santa Claus ♪
♪ 背着玩具爬下烟囱 ♪ ♪ Down through the chimney with lots of toys ♪
♪ 带给孩子们圣诞欢乐 ♪ ♪ All for the little ones' Christmas joy ♪
♪ 呵呵呵 谁不想来呢 ♪ ♪ Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ 圣诞老人屋顶上 嗒嗒嗒 ♪ ♪ Up on the housetop, click, click, click ♪
-他没事 真的没事 -挺好的 - He was fine. Fine! - ‭He was fine.
我们还没唱完三节和反复一次副歌 We barely got through three verses
就反应过来自己的过失了 and a repeat chorus before we realized our mistake.
-虽然还莫名其妙开始下了场暴风雨 -是啊 - Although that rainstorm came out of nowhere. ‭- Yeah.
圣诞快乐 小卡尔 ‭Merry Christmas, little Cal!
莉莉 带你表弟过去玩一会儿 Lily, take your cousin over there. Relax a little.
去吧 Okay, go.
-你好 -你好 - Hi! - Hi!
圣诞老人 不知道你能不能帮我们一个小忙 Hey, Santa. So, just wondering if you could you do us a favor
告诉我们小侄子想要什么圣诞礼物 and tell us what our nephew just asked for for Christmas?
我认识你 你是那个律师 I know you. You're that lawyer.
完了 这么一开头就没好事 Oh, no. This is never good.
你是那个指控我公共场合酗酒的助理地检 You're the ADA who charged me with public intoxication.
给我判了五十个小时社区服务 Got me sentenced to fifty hours community service --
包括为商场扮圣诞老人 working as a mall Santa is part of it.
真的抱歉 我们能大人不记小人过吗 Okay. Well, I'm sorry. But can't we move past that?
我们真的需要知道小侄子想要什么 We really need to know what our nephew asked for.
他想要更宽松的司法体系 He asked for a more lenient justice system.
我不太相信 他立场挺保守派 Well, I doubt that. He's pretty conservative.
我们不能承认关系 只能假装室友 We have to pretend to be roommates.
我们能赶紧的吗 Can we move this along?
这周我只能和孩子待四个小时 I only have my kids for four hours this week.
圣诞快乐 司法万岁 Merry Christmas.
你知道 作为一个前任商场圣诞老人 You know what? As a former mall Santa,
我发过誓不评判一个在岗的圣诞老人 I vowed never to comment on a sitting Santa,
但是你真让这红白制服丢脸 but you're a disgrace to the red and white.
菲尔 我刚和我爸通完电话 Phil, I just got off the phone with my dad.
平安夜要挪到我们家过了 We're moving Christmas Eve to our house.
我得赶紧出去买点杂货 I got to run out and get some groceries.
一会见 拜 See you soon. Bye.
圣诞树呢 Where's the tree?
礼物都到哪去了 Where are the gifts?
我想你取消过圣诞节 因为你发现我... I assumed you canceled Christmas because you found out that I --
不过我打断你说话了 But I interrupted you.
你爸是不是把东西拿去卖房那里了 Did your dad take them to his showing?
他总干这种事 把我的装饰偷拿走 He's always doing this -- he steals my decorations
去布置他卖的房子 增加家庭气息 to stage his houses to make them homier.
他保证过不会再犯的 He swore he would stop doing this!
至少他没拿走"发环" At least he left the "Wreaf."
是花环 Wreath.
两种发音我都有听人说过啦 Eh, I've heard it both ways.
我也听过 但不代表是对的 No, I have, too. Doesn't make it right.
我们该如何是好 What are we supposed to do?
没有圣诞树 就没法办圣诞节晚宴了 We can't host a Christmas without a tree.
经过去年的事件后 他们不是不准你 I thought you weren't allowed to host Christmas anymore
再办圣诞节晚宴了吗 after last year.
我突发妙想 用创新方法烹饪了火鸡 I took a swing at a new way to prepare turkey.
火鸡都没解冻 Well, this is frozen.
不是的 爸爸 你只是切到了骨头 No, Dad, you just -- you hit a bone.
我从《顶级大厨》学到的 I saw this on "Top Chef."
他们只用一小时就煮好了一整只火鸡 They cooked an entire turkey in one hour.
卢克已经吃了 你还好好的 对吧 Luke had some, you're fine. Aren't you, buddy?
看乔有没有事 Check on Joe.
你爸不接电话 Oh, your father isn't answering.
这事你一定知情 对吧 You knew about this, didn't you?
我能看出来你心里藏了秘密 I could tell you were hiding something.
菲尔 Phil?
菲尔 Phil!
菲... Ph-- Oh!
这间家庭影院完全隔音 This theater is totally soundproof,
所以不会有人听到你大声吼吉姆 so no one will hear you yelling at Jim
叫他把袜子捡起来 桑迪 to pick up his socks, Sandy.
她有时的确"很大声" She does get loud.
这房子优点多多 So, all of this,
而且还在很好的学区里 plus it's in a great school dist...rict.
老天 这房子刚被抢劫了吗 Oh my God, was this house just robbed?
我就跟你说这一区很乱吧 I told you this was a sketchy area.
我不要再经历一次入室抢劫 I am not going through another home invasion
而我和孩子们在安全屋外狂锤门你都不开 with the kids and me banging on the panic room door.
你们慢慢聊 我看看 So, you guys chat, ‭and I'll, uh, take a minute,
能不能找到替代的圣诞树 see if I can find a replacement tree
以及九份包装纸一模一样的礼物 and nine identically wrapped gifts.
这办法一定能让你妈心情变好 It's the perfect way to get your mom in a good mood.
你想想啊 杯子蛋糕就是小蛋糕 Think about it -- ‭cupcakes are little cakes
就像婴儿就是小人儿 just like babies are little people.
应该吧 I guess.
我只是希望一切能顺利进行 I just want this to go well.
怀了这个孩子 我很开心 I'm in a really good place with this baby,
我希望妈妈也为此开心 and I want my mom to be, too.
她今早心情不是很好 She wasn't in the best mood this morning.
今天是平安夜 It's Christmas Eve.
她不可能一整天都像变相怪杰一样脸色发青 She can't stay a Grinch all day.
谢谢 刚才我跟除虫人员说了 Thank you. That was the exterminator.
他马上赶过来 He is, uh, on his way,
但除虫那几天 他得用帐篷把房子围起来 but he's gonna have to tent the house for a couple of days.
我打算给我们订酒店 And I'm trying to book us a hotel,
但电话总断线 but the call keeps dropping.
乔 我们到后院去 那里信号比较好 Joe, let's go to the backyard. There's better reception.
听着 我有东西落屋里了 Hey, listen. I left something inside.
你得去帮我拿出来 这应该能保你平安 I need you to get it for me. This should keep you safe.
你疯了吗 我才不要回去那个蜘蛛巢穴 Are you crazy? I'm not going back into that spider's nest.
好吧 我也讨厌蜘蛛 Fine, I hate them, too.
问题是 我身上的雄性麝香会吸引它们 The problem is, ‭they're attracted to my musk.
前不久我到动物园里的昆虫间 I went to the insect room at the zoo a while back,
它们马上像犯人一样开始狂拍玻璃 and they all started banging on the glass like inmates.
你落什么在屋里了 这么重要 What'd you leave in there that's so important?
是药 It's a medication.
我没事 但我没告诉你妈 I'm fine, but I didn't tell your mom
因为我不想她担心 'cause I didn't want her to worry.
我们不能顺路到酒水商店 Can we just stop by a liquor store
帮你加满"处方药"吗 and refill your "Prescription."
都说了是药 听着 It's a medicine! Look...
我们住的酒店一定有顶级水疗 I'm sure our hotel has a top notch spa.
也许还能加个热石按摩 One that might add ‭a, uh, hot stone massage,
和花草浸浴 an herbal soak...
我像是会被物质收买的人吗 Do I look like someone who can be bought?
不像 但你看起来应该会喜欢 No, but you do look like someone who might enjoy
四手巴厘岛式海藻按摩 a four-handed Balinese seaweed swaddle.
你个奸诈的老混蛋 You son of a bitch.
卡尔 你跟圣诞老人聊什么啦 So, Cal, what did ‭you and Santa talk about?
那是秘密 It's a secret.
我 现金就行 Me, I'd be fine with just cash.
你们要烦心的事够多了 给你们减轻负担 You guys have enough on your plate.
你也别想自己去买个电话 好吧 Okay, you're not buying yourself a phone, all right?
圣诞老人休息了 Ooh, Santa's on break.
莉莉 去和卡尔坐在一起 Okay, Lily, go sit with Cal again.
你们要我帮忙 好歹加个请字吧 You guys need me -- ‭maybe throw a please in there.
-好的 嗨 -嗨 - Yeah. Hi! - Hi!
真的是一年中最美好的时刻 Oh, it really is the most wonderful time of the year.
-真美好 -不是吗 你介不介意 - Beautiful. - ‭Isn't it? ‭So, listen, do you mind if --
你们觉得你们是第一个 Do you think you're the first parents
想偷看我名册的家长吗 wanting to take a peek at my scroll?
最好在我的靴子[屁股]里塞点东西 Better stick something in my bootie.
-哇 哇 -什么鬼 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - I'm sorry. What?
塞钱在我鞋子里 变态 Cash in the slipper, perv.
-你 -嗯 我有 - Oh. Do you wanna... - Yeah, yeah, I got -- I got,
我有十块 uh -- I've got $10.
谢谢 Thank you.
不 这只是玩具列表 No, this is just a list of toys.
孩子的名字没在上面 None of the kids' names are next to them.
你知道吗 Oh, oh. You know what?
我们看下卡尔排队的照片 Uh, we'll look at pictures of Cal in line
把他之后的孩子 and then match the kids up behind him
和单子上的玩具连在一起 with the toys on the list.
好 我猜这个亚洲小孩 Okay, so, well, I guess this Asian kid,
他可能想要个... he maybe wants the, uh --
没时间在这里回避种族刻板印象了 There's no time to be politically correct.
-他想要个计算器 -计算器 - He wants the calculator. - Calculator.
他特别想要 And he wants it bad. Yeah.
等下 那意味着 Wait, does that mean that
这个小男孩想要芭比造型头吗 this little boy wants the Barbie Styling Head?
没错 看那精心打扮的脚 Yep, look at the turned-out foot.
他当然是想要芭比造型头 Oh, of course he wants the Barbie Styling Head.
这就意味着卡尔想要 Which means Cal wants...
风火轮小汽车 Hot Wheels!
好的 Okay, okay.
-我们走 谢谢 -谢谢 - Let's go. Thank you! - Thank you.
别担心 他们会回来的 Don't worry. They come back.
求你告诉我你们已经去说了 Please tell me you told Mom and Dad.
没 但我们会用歌声告诉你们爸妈 No, but we're gonna tell them in song.
听听这部分 Listen to this part.
♪ 很快像我们一样可爱的宝宝 ♪ ♪ Soon a baby as cute as us ♪
♪ 会从海莉的子宫里出来 ♪ ♪ Will spring forth from Haley's uterus ♪
我好喜欢 I love it!
她在骗人 她就想我们赶快说 She's lying. She just wants us
这样她的湿疹就会消失 to get it over with so her eczema will go away.
我才没有 天啊 I don't have -- Oh, my God!
好 你记着 Okay, you got this.
你比那些东西速度更快 You're quicker than those things.
-我很怀疑 -你更聪明 - I doubt that. - You're smarter.
巧妇难为无米之炊 I can't make a web out of nothing.
-你还有武器 -吹叶机吗 - Plus, you got a weapon. - A leaf blower?
这家伙能把博美犬吹过篱笆 Hey, that thing can blow a Pomeranian through a hedge.
这么说吧 隔壁的小咪咪 Let's just say ‭little Mimi from next door
再不会来我们家草坪了 won't be visiting our lawn anymore.
趁你妈没回来 快点 Now hurry up ‭before your mom gets back.
我们保持联系 We'll be in constant communication.
快 快 快 Go. Go, go, go.
保持警惕 Keep your head on a swivel.
去我的浴室 记住 Head for my bathroom. Remember.
那蜘蛛能觉察最微弱的恐惧 That spider can sense the subtlest sign of fear.
有东西爬过了我的脚 Something just ran past my foot.
我去 停电了 Damn it, the power's out!
我也要走了 Then so am I!
别啊 你们现在势均力敌了 No! You just leveled the playing field.
他们有四双眼睛 They have eight eyes.
你只有一双 You only have two.
停电的话它们唯一的优势也没啦 You just took away their one advantage.
它们的毒液呢 What about their sac of poison?
好 我到浴室了 Okay, I'm in the bathroom.
很好 很好 药在 Good, good. The medication...
底下的柜子里 is down below in the cabinet.
你让我把手伸进 You want me to reach my hand
黑暗又潮湿的产卵区吗 into a dark, damp breeding ground?
就在右后边 It's all the way in the back on the far right.
用手摸着找那个罐子 Just feel around for the jar.
所以还要来回移动我的手 So, skitter my hand back and forth?
这基本上就是蜘蛛求偶舞了 That's basically a spider mating dance!
拿到了 Got it.
回答我 完毕 Talk to me, over.
曼尼 Manny!
还不走 Not leaving!
还要买 Still shopping!
被抢劫还不够惨似的 As if getting robbed wasn't bad enough,
现在让我们搞圣诞聚餐 now that we were hosting Christmas,
我得在克莱尔回家前 把新的圣诞树 I had to get a new tree and gifts into the house
和礼物搬进家里来 before Claire got home.
幸好我还有一份她的礼物清单 Fortunately, I had a copy of her gift list.
心里有点毛骨悚然 It was eerie how many of these events
这么多的事情都跟我正在写的童书情节重叠 were lining up with the plot of my children's book in progress,
我的书名叫《拯救圣诞的房产中介》 "The Realtor Who Saved Christmas."
-你好 -哥们儿 帮个忙 - Hello? - Buddy, I need a favor.
还记得上次因为你数学太烂 Remember that polar bear wrapping paper
害我们买了好多的北极熊包装纸吗 you made us buy so much of because you can't do math?
拿上几卷 Grab a couple rolls of it,
20分钟后到家门外等我 meet me out in front of the house in 20 minutes.
都用完了 老妈用了最后一卷包今年的礼物 We're all out. Mom used the last of it on this year's gifts.
该死 我需要很多 我要去哪... Damn it! I need a bunch of it. Where am I supposed to f--
♪ 哈利路亚 ♪ ♪ Hallelujah ♪
♪ 哈利路亚 哈利路亚 ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪
没事了 卢克 All good, Luke.
我们买到了我们要的东西 Well, we got what we need.
我很高兴有人今年终于得到了他想要的 I'm glad someone's getting what they want this year.
这样吧 我的手机给你 You know what? Here, take my phone.
如果你一天内没搞丢 手机就归你了 If you can get through a day without losing it, it's yours.
你肯定是踩到什么发胶上了 You must've run through some hairspray.
你的靴子现在跟捕蝇纸一样 Your boots are like flypaper.
所以那款胶才被禁用啊 That's why that spray was banned.
小鸟们飞过发胶工厂 Birds were flying over the factory
然后就会黏到一起 and getting stuck together.
等等 等一下 等一下 Hey, wait, wait a second. Wait a second.
这就是你的药吗 This is your medication?
"怀旧派胳膊肘润滑霜" "Good Old Fashioned Elbow Grease?"
我的手肘干得厉害 I suffer from dry elbow.
我冒着生命危险就为了这个吗 That's what I risked my life for?
光滑的手肘是所有爷们叉腰姿势的必备 Supple elbows are heavily featured in every good power pose.
我就是这样登上《衣柜世界》的封面 That's how I got the cover to Closet World.
我真的是硬生生靠胳膊肘挤上去的 I literally elbowed my way to the top.
我订了个酒店 I booked us a hotel.
曼尼 你跟乔同住一间 Manny, you're sharing a room with Joe.
这事你给我搞定 Fix that.
你在暖气片上烤什么东西呢 What are you roasting on the space heater?
我之前把卡片扔到垃圾桶里 Oh, I threw those cards in the trash.
结果都泡湿了 They got all soggy.
连小卡舅舅的都是吗 Even Uncle Cam's?
那些卡片你得留七年啊 You have to save those for seven years,
跟退税单一样 like tax returns.
你好呀 菲尔 Hello, Phil.
没错 Oh, that's right.
圣诞树回归原位了 The tree's back where it belongs.
是你偷的 You stole it?!
不 是你偷的 Oh, no, you did.
跟你以前偷了我的塑料感恩节火鸡家族 Just like you stole my family of plastic Thanksgiving turkeys,
我的充气复活节兔子 my inflatable Easter bunny,
还有我的山姆大叔彩陶罐一样 and my Uncle Sam pinata,
都搬到你的房屋开放日去了 all for your open houses.
今天是洗清 Today was my chance
我冤情的机会 to shed a very unfair reputation.
克莱尔 Claire --
我只不过害两个人进了医院一次 I put two people in the hospital one time,
大家就把我当圣诞节杀手 and now I'm a Christmas ruiner.
着火了 Fire!
我的天哪 去拿灭火器 Oh, my God! Get the extinguisher!
是小卡的闪粉贺卡 我就知道 Aah! It's Cam's glitter card! I knew it!
后退 Stand back!
树 The tree!
礼物 The gift
这个 那个 The -- The --
用完了 It's out!
我和卢克做喷气背包时用的肯定是这灭火器 This must be the one Luke and I used for our jet pack prototype.
是我们太傻了 根本就没什么完美的时间点 You know, we're being crazy. There is no perfect moment.
我们就像大人一样上去知会一声就行了 We're just going to walk in there like adults and tell them.
亲爱的 Honey...
没救了 It's no use.
一切都结束了 菲尔 It's over, Phil.
这房子闻着一股烟味儿 The house smells like smoke,
我们没有圣诞树 we have no tree
还有九份烧焦又湿透的礼物 and nine scorched, yet soaking-wet gifts.
最糟的是 米奇尔听了肯定幸灾乐祸 Worst of all, I have to make Mitchell's day
因为我得告诉他把聚会改到他家 by telling him we're moving the party to his house
而我永远不能再主办聚会了 and I'm on permanent host probation forever.
谁知道呢 Who knows?
或许几年后他们会丢给我一个小破节日 Maybe in a couple years they'll toss me a pity holiday --
"欢迎来到我的无酒精地球日早午餐" "Welcome to my non-alcoholic Earth Day brunch."
好消息是 In brighter news,
几小时后我就要坐上螺旋桨飞机了 I am getting on a prop plane in a couple hours.
现在还有百慕大三角这回事吧 Bermuda Triangle's still a thing, right?
克莱尔 Claire.
亲爱的 我现在应付不来 Honey, I just can't right now.
我没心情 I'm not in the mood for --
怎么做到的 How?
我送你的圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas from me.
你之前偷偷跑出去 Did you sneak out earlier
买了这些东西掩盖你的行为吗 and buy all this stuff to cover your tracks?
或者你可以选择相信这是圣诞奇迹 Or you can choose to believe it's a Christmas miracle.
我选择奇迹 I choose miracle.
节日快乐 Happy holidays!
谢谢你们接手 Thank you for taking over.
你拯救了一切 圣诞快乐 You saved the day! Merry Christmas.
你知道的 我就是这么厉害 Well, you know, it's kind of what I do.
快来 饮料在厨房 Come on, drinks in the kitchen.
-太好了 -太好了 - Yay! All right! - All right!
曼尼 你头上怎么起了个小包 Ooh, Manny, what's up with the noggin bump?
什么 哪 What? Where?
不 看起来像是香蕉蜘蛛咬的 Oh, no. That looks like a banana spider bite!
不是咬的 他撞到了头 It's not a bite, he bumped his head.
不 看起来像被咬了 No, that looks like a bite.
我姐姐被密苏里青贮窖蜘蛛咬过 My sister got bit by a Missouri Silo Spider --
失去了一根脚趾 lost a toe.
但结局很好 她天生有十一根脚趾 Happy ending -- she was born with eleven.
曼尼 我们得去医院检查 Manny, we need to get that checked.
可以用解毒剂 There is an antidote,
但假如你以前从没被这种蜘蛛咬过 but if you have never been bitten by the spider,
可能是致命的 it might kill you.
-我们上车去 -杰 - Let's go to the car. - I -- Jay.
停下 他没被咬 Stop! He wasn't bitten.
他撞到了头 他之前回到房子里去 He bumped his head when he went back in the house
帮我拿 药 to grab my...medication.
什么药 What medication?
我的天 爸 你还好吗 Oh, my God, Dad, are you okay?
我们会挺过去的 伙计 We're gonna get through this, buddy.
是一种胳膊肘霜 每天晚上 It's an elbow cream that I secretly use
我都在歌洛莉亚睡着后偷偷用 every night after Gloria falls asleep.
你让咱儿子进入致命毒蛛的巢穴 You sent our son into the nest of a deadly spider
就为了拿润肤霜 for a beauty cream?
这是药 It's a medicine
用来治疗令人心碎的干胳膊肘症 that treats the heartbreaking condition of dry elbow!
这是兽医才能开的处方药 It requires a veterinarian's prescription
因为原本是给犀牛和大象用的 because it's primarily used on rhinos and elephants.
看来尽管我们正朝完美社会大步前进 I see on our march to become a perfect society,
人们仍旧允许胳膊肘羞辱 elbow shaming is still allowed.
我胳膊肘有时也有点干 I get a little dry sometimes.
你要记住你并不比别人差在哪里 Hey! You're just as much a person as everybody else.
我不敢相信你虚荣到这个地步 I can't believe that you're so vain that you --
等等 你鞋底上粘的 Wait, is that my Christmas card
是我的圣诞贺卡吗 stuck on the bottom of your shoe?
为什么被烧焦了 And why-why is it singed?
你不能再这么看重贺卡了 Ugh, you got to be less about the cards.
我们都这么想 We all think it.
你不是在卫生间喷光了一罐强力发胶吗 Didn't you empty a can of powerful hairspray in the bathroom?
你也去卫生间了吗 And did you go in there, too?
好吧 我得拿点东西 行了吧 Fine! I needed something, okay?
但至少我是自己去拿的 But at least I went in myself.
因为你用二十美元雇我我没答应 After you offered me $20 and I said no.
我们中有些人是不会被收买的 Some of us can't be bought.
你要拿什么 What did you need?
无论是什么 我们会一起陪你挺过去 Whatever it is, ‭we're gonna get through this.
防磨牙牙套 A night guard.
我不想告诉你 但每天晚上 I didn't want to tell you, but every night,
我都等你睡着后戴上 I wait for you to fall asleep, so I put it on.
太没有吸引力了 It's so unattractive.
就这样 That's it?
太不性感了 我看起来好丑 Ith not thex-thee. I look hideouth!
终于从神性中蹦出点人味儿了 Oh, that really humanizes her.
我不喜欢 I don't care for it.
我的一颗牙都松了 Okay, one of my teeth is loose.
我求求你去告诉他们吧 I am begging you to tell them.
这就是我打扮的目的啊 That's what this is.
我打扮成圣诞老人并从烟囱落下 I'm coming down the chimney as Santa,
讨乔与卡尔开心 delighting Joe and Cal.
妈能看到他跟孩子多投缘 Mom will see how good he is with kids
就会对我怀孕的事放心许多 and then be super chill with us being pregnant.
我卡住了 I'm stuck.
好啦 大家都进来吧 全家福时间到 Okay, everybody, come on, picture time!
到圣诞树前集合 来吧 In front of the tree, let's go.
天啊 你别出声 Oh, God. Just be quiet!
你在这里啊 对了 迪兰呢 There you are. Okay, where's Dylan?
妈 你真有心 Aww, Mom.
想什么呢 我们需要有人帮忙拍照啊 What? We need somebody to take the picture.
太狠心了 Harsh.
什么声音 What was that?
我们每年不是都会生火的吗 Don't we always have the fire on?
-没有 -我挺确定有 - No! - ‭I'm sure we do.
我们去年用那火把克莱尔没熟的火鸡烤熟 Last year we used it to finish cooking Claire's turkey pieces.
杰 去生火 Jay, go turn it on.
等等 等等 等等 Wait! Wait, wait, wait.
各位... 各位12岁以下小朋友先离开下 Every-- Everybody 12 and under, out.
什么 亲爱的 这是怎么了 What? Honey, what's going on?
迪兰卡在烟囱里了 Dylan's stuck in the chimney.
为什么 Why?
他打扮成圣诞老人 He's dressed up as Santa.
想要从烟囱而降来给孩子发礼物 He was gonna hand presents out to the kids.
别现在告诉他们啊 我想跟你一起公布 Don't tell them now. I want to be with you!
告诉我们什么 Tell us what?
没什么 可以之后再说 Nothing. It can wait.
不能再等了 求求你 No, it can't! Please!
我的全身器官都要停止运作了 My organs are shutting down!
好吧 行 我... Okay, fine. I...
我们有个事情要宣布 We have an announcement.
我跟迪兰要生宝宝了 Dylan and I are having a baby.
他们表情笑了吗 Are they smiling?
你怀孕了吗 You're pregnant?
是的 Yes.
我们为此感到十分开心 And w-we're really happy about it.
怎么可能会不开心呢 Why wouldn't you be?
妈 你呢 Mom?
这消息需要点时间消化 但... It's -- it's a lot to process at once, and...
宝宝呢 太棒了 A baby. Unbelievable!
-恭喜你们 -天啊 小宝宝呢 - Congratulations! - Oh, my gosh! A baby!
天啊 Oh, God.
你处理的方式比我当年强多了 You handled that a lot better than I did back in the day.
表面而已 我的内心跟你一样 Outside. On the inside, I'm you.
能来人救救我的命吗 Can somebody save my life?
-小卡 你抓一只脚 -好 - Oh, Cam, grab a foot. - Yep.
天啊 他真的卡得好死啊 God, he's really wedged in there.
如果我们能有某种得过奖的 Ah, if only we had some kind of award-winning,
胎盘基底的润滑霜就好了 placenta-based lubricant.
行行行 Fine!
给 迪兰 你抹一点这个 Here, Dylan, ‭use a little bit of this.
真不敢相信要有个小迪兰从你身体蹦出 I can't believe a little Dylan is gonna pop out of you!
会是什么样子啊 What would that even look like?
大家都过来拍全家福吧 Everybody come on in for the picture!
我设置个定时拍照 I'll set the timer.
一切都会船到桥头自然直吧 This is all gonna work out, right?
肯定会啦 Definitely. Yeah.
稍等 我得露出我的美肘 Hang on. ‭Let me get my elbows ready.
大家露出笑容 喊"宝宝" Okay, everybody smile, say "Baby!"
宝宝 Baby!
♪ 神圣冬青装饰着大厅 ♪ ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly, ♪
♪ 这是个欢乐的季节 ♪ ♪ Tis the season to be jolly, ♪
♪ 穿上我们的喜乐[基]衣裳 ♪ ♪ Don we now our gay apparel, ♪
♪ 我们是不是把孩子们忘在卡莱尔家 ♪ ♪ Did we leave the kids at Claire's house? ♪
♪ 真的该给莉莉买手机了 ♪ ♪ Lily really needs a cellphone. ♪
♪ 跟着我踏着快乐的步伐 ♪ ♪ Follow me in merry measure, ♪