m 211 -8 b 217 -6 217 -4 217 -2 l 217 24 b 217 26 217 29 211 31 l 31 31 b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
m 50 0 l 179 0 b 208 0 229 21 229 50 l 229 179 b 229 208 208 228 179 228 l 50 228 b 21 228 0 208 0 179 l 0 50 b 0 21 21 0 50 0
m 0 0 b 1 -1 2 -2 4 -1 b 7 1 3 2 5 5 b 6 7 8 7 9 5 l 15 -6 b 18 -7 20 -6 20 -3 b 19 -1 17 2 17 4 b 16 7 20 7 21 6 b 22 4 23 2 25 -1 b 27 -2 29 -1 29 1 b 29 2 28 3 29 5 b 30 7 32 7 33 6 b 34 5 34 4 35 3 b 37 2 39 3 39 5 b 39 6 38 8 37 9 b 34 13 29 13 25 9 b 22 13 17 13 13 9 b 10 13 3 13 0 8
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原创翻译 双语字幕
最新连载海外影视剧下载 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com 仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
m 200 -1 l 200 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
m 38 -1 l 44 6 l 38 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
翻译 incanto Flora哎呀呀 尤妮希
翻译 斑驳 洗七里 猛男之街赛太公
校对 新浪微博@赛太公
时间轴 三水
后期 瓜瓜
总监 生无可恋瓜
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第十二集
意大利真是最美丽的国家了 对吧
没错 食物美味 人好
我们停一下
宰了那个老头问问路
我们的意大利语说得越来越大了
我们要穿越意大利的葡萄园 We're taking a four-week bicycle trip
完成一次为期四周的自行车旅行 through the vineyards of Italy!
我们认为今年夏天 海莉 迪兰 We figure that this summer, our whole lives
还有他们的双胞胎宝宝搬进来以后 are gonna be turned upside-down
我们的生活会被搅得天翻地覆 when Haley, Dylan, and their twins move in with us,
所以干嘛不度个"外孙月"放松一下呢 so why not splurge on a grandbaby-moon?
因此我们一直在听语言学习带 So we've been hitting the language tapes,
骑固定脚踏车 the, uh -- the stationary bikes,
而且我还一天对克莱尔吹好几次流氓哨 and a couple of times a day, I wolfishly whistle at Claire
让她为罗马人的经典热情做好准备 to prepare her for that timeless Roman charm.
我不敢相信我们在弗里特利餐馆 I can't believe after all those nights at Fratelli's
聊了那么多次要去意大利之后 talking about going to Italy,
我们真的要去了 it's actually happening.
美国夫人 Ohh, American lady!
为什么你要这么对我 Why do you do this to me?
别再逼我对你练习扇耳光了 Don't make me practice my slap on you again. Mm.
怎么了 What's that?
我在等电话 我为咱们的周年纪念 Oh, I'm on hold. I'm booking us
给咱俩预定了托斯卡纳的一座 into a converted castle in Tuscany
-翻新城堡 -它有护城河吗 - for our anniversary. - Does it have a moat?
我一直在处理我们所有的税单 I've been working on all of our receipts for taxes.
我们很可能得到一笔退款 Looks like we're getting a refund,
那就意味着我们能够负担得起... which means that we can afford to --
让小矮人放下护城河上的吊桥 To pay the dwarf who will lower the drawbridge
只要我们能够回答出他的三个谜语 if we answer his riddles three?
让我先断了你的念想 没有护城河 I'm gonna nip this in the bud. No moat.
这趟旅行真是个好主意 This trip was such a great idea.
我知道 Oh, I know.
今年夏天这儿会一直忙忙碌碌的 Things are gonna be so hectic here this summer.
好诡异 一想到有人称呼我们为外公 It's weird to think people will be calling us
-和... -别说 千万别说 - Grandpa and -- - No, please don't say it.
别说那个词 它让我觉得自己好老 Don't say that word. It makes me feel so old.
但我想过让他们叫我什么了 But I have thought about what I want them to call me.
-阿嬷 -阿嬷 - Gammy. ‭- Gammy.
行 我们试试这词怎么样 Well, let's take her for a spin.
"大家注意 阿嬷来啦" "Hey, everyone, Gammy's here!"
"抱歉 今天不行 阿嬷心情不好" "Sorry, guys, not today, Gammy's in a mood."
不错啊 这词行 Yeah, it does. It works. ‭Mm. Yeah.
-嗨 室友们 -嗨..."室友" - Hey, roomies. - Hey -- "roomies"?
拿这些箱子和袋子做什么 What is with all the boxes and the bags?
我知道我们说会等宝宝出生再搬进来 Well, I know we said we'd move in when the babies come,
但是后来我们想到早搬来早省钱 but then we thought about all the money we'd save.
许许多多钱[西语] Mucho dinero.
-好 -你看起来很生气 - Yes. - You look mad.
我应该先告诉你的 我很害怕跟你说 I should've told you. I was afraid to tell you.
因为如果你不乐意 我怕自己应付不来 I didn't think that I could handle the disappointment
随之而来的失望 if you weren't happy about it.
但你没有不开心吧 对吗 But you're not unhappy about it, right?
-是吧 -亲爱的 亲爱的 - Right?! - Oh, honey. Oh, honey.
我的天 你最好了 我太爱你了 Oh, my gosh, you're the best. I love you so much.
好一趟高潮迭起的情绪之旅啊 Wow! What a journey.
等我荷尔蒙开始作乱了 生活会是什么样啊 What is my life gonna be like when I'm in the hormonal stage?
等一下 还有一件事情 Oh, wait, there was one more thing, um...
我该把这些箱子放在哪儿 Hey, where should I put these boxes?
我妈突然来了 My mom surprised us. We were hoping
我们希望她能暂住几天 she could stay a couple days.
你们好 你们好 Hello, hello!
我们也是时候该正式见面了 Well, it's about time we officially met,
考虑到我们的基因已经在海莉的子宫里 considering our DNA is already swirling around
难舍难分了 in Haley's womb.
菲尔 Phil.
你好 Oh, hey.
-克莱尔 -你好 - Claire. - Oh, hi.
-我是法拉 -你好 法拉 - I'm Farrah. - ‭Hi, Farrah.
-你看起来好眼熟 -我在抗议活动中 - You look so familiar. - Well, I meet a lot of people
认识了很多人 with my work in the protest movement.
你参加过"象牙就是谋杀"乐跑活动吗 Oh, did you participate in the Ivory is Murder Fun Run?
-没印象 -亲爱的 不如你带法拉 - Not that I recall. - Sweetheart, why don't you show Farrah
-看看她要睡在哪里吧 -不用了 - where she will be sleeping. - ‭Oh, no,
我只需要两个承重钩子 I just need two weight-bearing hooks
间隔七英尺就行了 spaced seven feet apart.
这件和服可以变成吊床 This kimono converts to a hammock.
-准备就绪[意语] -意大利 - Pronto! - ‭Italy!
-他们回复了 我手机呢 -糟糕糟糕 - They answered! Where's the phone? - Oh! Oh, no, no, no.
-手机去哪儿了 -找到了 这儿呢 - Where's the phone? - I got it, right here.
找到了吗 我接住了 You got it? Get it.
兄弟 我很抱歉 Oh! Oh, buddy, I'm so sorry.
-我给你拿点冰块 -该死 - Let me get you some ice. - Damn it!
别担心 我带了磁石 No, no, don't worry. I brought magnets.
她就这么处理头部受伤吗 Is that the way she treats all head injuries?
这让我有了个理论 Because I've got a theory.
我想把这些旧玩具送给海莉的宝宝们 I want to give these old toys to Haley's babies.
乔 你太有心了 Oh, Joe, that's so sweet!
现在我的壁柜里有地方放蜥蜴了 Now I have room in the closet for my lizard.
蜥蜴 我以为你们只是去宠物店 Lizard? I thought that you were just
看一下而已 going to the pet shop to look.
我没法对那张小脸说不 I can't say no to that face.
你得在他青春期前一直唱红脸了 You're gonna have to be bad cop 'til puberty,
直到普里契特的喉结 you know, when the Pritchett Adam's apple
和小胡茬冒出来的时候 and fuzz-stache show up.
曼尼 你也应该给双胞胎点东西 Manny, you should also give something for the twins.
你们都要当舅舅了 You both are gonna be uncles.
这在我们家是项光荣的传统 That's a very proud tradition in our family.
说得没错 乔 我们的先祖阿尔瓦罗 That's right, Joe. Our great-great Uncle Alvaro
是位有名的南美解放斗士 was a famous South American freedom fighter.
你开玩笑吗 我的先祖伊拉兹马斯 You're kidding? My Great Uncle Erasmus
是阿拉莫战争中的英雄 was a hero at the Alamo.
阿拉莫曾在德克萨斯独立战争中被墨西哥占领
我们再多说几句就会发现 We're four sentences away from realizing
他们互相残杀了吧 they killed each other, right?
乔 下周你要打扮成英雄 Joe, next week, you have to go
去学校 to school dressed as a hero.
为什么不打扮成先祖阿尔瓦罗呢 Why don't you dress as Uncle Alvaro?
还是先祖伊拉兹马斯好 Or Uncle Erasmus.
杰 好傻好天真 Ay, Jay, that's cute,
阿尔瓦罗可不只是个战争英雄 but Alvaro was not only a war hero.
他还是有名的斗牛士 He was a celebrated matador,
弗里达·卡罗[天才女画家]的探戈导师 Frida Kahlo's tango instructor,
波哥大先驱报小漫画比赛的 two-time winner of the Bogota Herald
两届冠军 cartoon caption contest.
没有冒犯的意思 不过我觉得他连给 No disrespect, but I don't think he was fit to shine
伊拉兹马斯·杰·普里契特擦鞋都不配 Erasmus J. Pritchett's boots,
那鞋还是他跟戴维·克罗克特掰手腕的时候 which, incidentally, were made by a 9-foot Texas diamondback
戴维·克罗克特是阿拉莫战役中的战斗英雄
他一脚跺死的一条近三米长的响尾蛇做成的 he stomped to death while arm-wrestling Davy Crockett.
他的衣服都是杀动物做成的吗 Did he kill all his clothes?
是啊 来上楼 我给你看看 He sure did. Come upstairs. I'll show you.
我留着一个他的戒指 里面有颗牙 I got a ring of his with a tooth in it
是他从美洲狮嘴里打下来的 he punched out of a puma.
杰总是这样 Jay does this all the time.
他不尊重我们家族 吹嘘自己的 He disrespects our heritage and inflates his own.
我一点都不相信什么先祖伊拉兹马斯的故事 I mean, I'm not buying this Uncle Erasmus guy at all.
我建议我们探究一下 I say we do a little digging.
好 我们可以像托尔图加侦探一样 Yes! We can be like Inspector Tortuga,
先祖阿尔瓦多大受欢迎的儿童书里的 the turtle detective in Uncle Alvaro's
那个乌龟侦探 popular children's book.
他总是慢慢地侦破罪案 He was always very slowly solving crimes.
杰的先祖1830年左右确实住在德克萨斯 Turns out Jay's Uncle Erasmus did live in Texas in the 1830s,
但是关于他的描写不多 but not much was written about him.
-格雷琴 -曼尼尔 - Gretchen. - ‭Manuel.
再一次 我非常抱歉 Again, I'm so sorry abou--
这些书你必须两周内还回来 You'll have to return these within two weeks.
不像我的电话 你过了两周都不回 Unlike my phone calls!
臭小子 Senor.
我们必须深入挖掘 既然历史 We had to dig deeper, and since history
是由胜利者书写的 is written by the victors...
非常感谢 Muchas gracias.
我带了自己的 I brought my own.
墨西哥的资料对他在阿拉莫战役中 Mexican sources had a bit more to say
真实的表现描写得更多一点 about his actual involvement in the Alamo. ‭
-好了 -真的吗 - Okay. - ‭Oh, really?
你要把我给女儿买的第一件古驰卫衣 You want to give away the very first Gucci hoodie
-送人吗 -就因为这"第一件古驰" - I ever bought our daughter? - Okay, "First Gucci"
退休规划师才不给我们当顾问了 is why our retirement planner fired us as clients.
而且 海莉和迪伦的孩子是双胞胎 Also, Haley and Dylan are having twins, okay?
-他们真的需要这些东西 -我知道 - They really need this stuff. - ‭I know.
我还是不能相信她怀孕了 I-I-I still can't believe she's pregnant.
-不过 -我知道你要说什么贱话了 - Although... - I know you're about to say something catty.
你都要射出贱气了 You're practically purring.
克莱尔二十几岁的时候不是也"挺会玩"吗 Wasn't Claire a bit "fun" on her 20s?
你知道 我们老家有句俗话 You know, we have a saying back home --
"有其母必有其女" "The crawdad don't skitter far from its crick."
你手里拿着名牌衣服 Okay, you're clutching a Dolce & Gabbana onesie.
你到底想当都市人还是乡下人 Decide who you are.
再说了 你们家也有 And, by the way, it's not like your family
一个惹事生非的家伙 好吗 doesn't have a wayward streak, okay?
小帕可没多可靠 Pam's not exactly responsible.
不好意思 一个不可靠的女人 Oh, I'm sorry. Could an irresponsible woman
能在监狱获得"最有进步摔跤手"的奖吗 win her prison's "Most Improved Wrestler" Award?
行了 我们就承认 Okay, let's just admit
两家都有狂野不羁的女人吧 we have wild women on both sides of the family.
天啊 可能莉莉身上 Oh, God. Maybe it's good
没有那些基因是件好事 Lily wasn't saddled with those genes.
她肯定没有 就算有什么 She sure wasn't. If anything,
我担心的也是她这么大了还有点幼稚 I'm worried she acts a little young for her age.
我是说 她都十一岁了 长大到不适合 I mean, isn't 11 a little too old
玩这些独角兽和泰迪熊玩具了... for these unicorns and teddy bears and --
天 《花花女郎》 My... Playgirl?
天啊 Oh! Oh, God.
她从哪搞到这东西的 Where -- Where did she get that?
我都不知道这杂志还在出版 I didn't even know they still made these.
现在知道印刷媒体没有消亡还挺欣慰的 Although it's heartening print media isn't completely dead.
你跑题了 Okay, you're getting off track.
我们的女儿在看裸男 Our daughter is looking at naked men.
我知道 我们得跟她聊聊这件事 I know. We're gonna have to talk to her about it.
你知道吗 我的父母从来不跟我 You know, my parents never talked to me
谈及性的话题 about anything sexual. ‭
他们只是在马交配的时候 They just sent me to the stables
让我去马厩看着 when the horses were breeding,
害让我对"大小"有了些不切实际的期待 and wow, did that create some unreasonable expectations.
不会吧 谁告诉她的 No way! Who told her that?
她... She -- Uh-oh.
老爹们表情怪怪的 过夜的时候见 The dads have their faces on. See you at the sleepover.
好呀 Hey!
是这样的 我们想跟你谈个事 So, listen, we need to talk to you about something.
我们... We, uh -- We found a --
在你房间里找到一本杂志 a magazine in your room.
这没什么好尴尬的 There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
老天 一点都不丢脸 你... Oh, God, no, not at all. You're -- You're going through
你正经历激动人心的转变时期 a very exciting period of -- of change
-荷尔蒙也在释放 -也开始有冲动 - and -- and hormones. - And -- And -- ‭And, um, urges.
知道了 你们真会教孩子 Got it. Solid parenting.
-明天见 -不不不不不 - See you tomorrow. - No, no, no, no, no, no.
-别走 -亲爱的 坐下 - No, no, no. - Sweetheart. Come on.
我知道聊这个让你很不自在 但是 I-I-I know this is uncomfortable, but...
你不应该为对性好奇 You shouldn't be ashamed about wondering
而感到羞愧 or being curious about sex.
肢体交缠 You know, the mingling of bodies
也可以是表达爱的美好方式 can be a beautiful expression of love.
别说了 学校里也有关于这个话题的课 Stop! They have classes about this in school,
如果你们不希望我看那种杂志 and if you don't want me looking at magazines like that,
就不要放在沙发上 don't leave them on the sofa!
沙发 怎么... The sofa? How did --
-怎么会跑到沙发上 -我不知道 - How did it get on the sofa? ‭- I don't know.
我不... 是保姆 I don't -- Ah, the babysitter.
又或是海莉 或者小帕 也可能是克莱尔 Or, you know, Haley, or -- or Pam, or Claire.
我们刚刚还在聊她们几个有多变态 We were just talking about how perverted they are.
等一下 这是1997年的杂志 Wait a minute. This is from 1997.
封面是大卫·杜楚尼 And David Duchovny's on the cover.
你以前不是喜欢大卫·杜楚尼吗 Didn't you have a thing for David Duchovny?
什么 我都不知道那是谁 Why -- Wha-- I don't even know who that is.
他就是演那个俗套的科幻剧的 He was on the -- you know, the cheesy sci-fi show,
叫什么来着 《X档案》之类的 the, uh -- What was it? "The X-Files" or something?
就是弱智版的《黑衣人》 You know, kind of a dumbed-down "Men in Black"?
剧里面有个经典句子 They had that saying, you know?
好像是 "真相...就在上面" Saying was, "The truth is... up there"?
你明知道是"真相就在外面" You know damn well it's "The truth is out there"!
你别弄皱了 Don't -- Don't you crinkle it.
你为什么有一本20年前的裸男杂志 Why do you have a 20-year-old nudie mag?
穆德探员对我意义重大 好吗 Agent Mulder meant a lot to me, okay?
《X档案》男主角
他那么帅 总是眉头深锁 He was brooding and handsome
还迷恋一个虽然焦躁但性感的红毛[女主] and obsessed with an uptight yet sexy redhead.
你猜怎么着 你根本没机会 Yeah, well, guess what. You wouldn't have had a chance
泡到大卫·杜楚尼 因为你看 with David Duchovny because, look.
他最不喜欢的就是"不诚实的人" One of his turn-offs is "Dishonest people."
而且你为什么把杂志随便乱丢 And why is it just lying around the house?
我前几天把垃圾桶 I was bringing the trash bins
拉回车库时 into the garage the other day,
注意到我的一箱旧物 and I noticed an old box of my stuff.
我觉得很怀念 于是决定翻看一下 I got nostalgic, and I decided to flip through it.
-等等 垃圾日 就是上周三吗 -对 - Wait, garbage day? L-Last Wednesday? - ‭Yeah.
就是我们开了那瓶梅洛干红 The day we opened the bottle of Merlot,
拿进卧室喝 took it back to the bedroom,
然后有了"超乎寻常的体验"那晚吗 and had a rather spectacular... session?
-是那晚吗 -你少来 - Uh, was it that night? - Oh, please,
那是多年来你第一次不是因为鄙视 it was the first time in years I'd seen your eyes
而[爽到]翻白眼 roll back in your head without irony.
我深受你吸引 真是不好意思啊 Well, excuse me if I am attracted to you.
但不只是因为我 对吗 Except it wasn't just me, was it?
那晚床上有三个人 There were three of us in that bed.
我第二天还送了你一打红玫瑰 I sent you a dozen roses the next day.
原来我应该送其中六朵给大卫·杜楚尼啊 Apparently, I should've sent six to David Duchovny.
要不要这样 Oh, come on!
我看完性感美男图 So what? I got a little extra worked up
比平时更性奋点 有什么大不了 after looking at a sexy picture.
这是很普遍的事 People do it all the time.
胡娇说这是他买"猛男"牌纸巾的唯一理由 Pepper said it's the only reason he buys Brawny paper towels.
那我想在情感层面上只与你一人产生共鸣 So, I guess I'm weird for wanting to purely connect
是我奇葩 with you on an emotional level.
算了 我去健身房了 Know what? I'm going to the gym.
好消息 大卫·杜楚尼 And good news, David Duchovny.
你今晚不会孤单一人在沙发上了 You're not gonna be alone on the sofa tonight.
请你把iPod递给我好吗 Can you please hand me my iPod?
你已经剥夺了我的尊严 You've robbed me of my dignity.
不能把我霸气的离场也夺走 You will not also rob me of my glorious exit.
谢谢 Thank you!
好了 哥们 There you go, buddy.
现在你看起来像个真正的英雄了 Now you look like a real hero.
我想我应该不能带刀去学校 I don't think I'm allowed to bring a knife to school.
一点都不锋利[机灵]啦 It's not sharp at all.
显然你也不机灵 And neither, apparently, are you.
我说了吧 如果我们等几分钟 I told you if we waited a few minutes
他就会帮我们铺好梗 he'd give us a delicious segue.
你的先祖伊拉兹马斯·普利契特 Your uncle Erasmus Pritchett
在阿拉莫之战中是英雄没错 was a hero at the Alamo...
不过是敌军那边的 but for the other side.
没错 交战时他躲在衣柜里 Yeah, he hid in a closet during the fighting,
然后偷了一条裙子 then stole a dress and escaped
假扮成妓女逃走了 by pretending to be a prostitute.
什么 我不相信你说的 What?! I don't believe you.
这些是教会官方文献 These are official church documents.
这一段说到他用军方机密 In this part, it says that he traded military secrets
交换朗姆酒和新胸衣 for rum and a new corset.
"至今 在新拉雷多 '伊拉兹马斯' "To this day, in Nuevo Laredo, 'to Erasmus'
仍代表'趴在地上哭'的意思" means 'to cry facedown on the ground.'"
这有一张他怂样的照片 There's a picture of him cringing.
我不敢相信我给我的蜥蜴取名伊拉兹马斯 I can't believe I named my lizard Erasmus.
那是战时 乔 It was wartime, Joe!
他遭受了地狱般的经历 我们不能因此鄙视他 We can't judge a man who has lived through that kind of hell.
他战后一直在 He spent his post-war years
散布素食主义的福音 spreading the gospel of vegetarianism.
我没这个先祖 I have no uncle.
这种顺势治疗药 Oh. This homeopathic remedy
一定能改善海莉的孕吐 is really gonna help Haley with morning sickness.
我坐优步时 Uh-huh. ‭I got the recipe from a doula
遇到的助产师给我了这个偏方 I met in an Uber pool.
你有一件事是对的 Well, you were right about one thing.
的确闻起来像 It does -- It does smell like
被闪电击中的水牛 a buffalo that was struck by lightning.
你什么时候回俄勒冈啊 When -- When are you heading back up to Oregon?
我在那儿待够了 Oh, I'm done with that place.
世上最老套的故事 Oldest story in the world.
我以为我找到了一个好人 但一天早上 You know, I thought I found a nice guy, then one morning,
他说他找到了六个新女人 he up and tells me he's found six new women.
我受够那些奥修大师了 Mm. ‭I'm done with Bhagwans.
以迪兰妈妈的身份重返人间 Coming back as Dylan's mother?
不好玩 妈妈 Not funny, Mom.
一点都不好玩 Not funny at all!
老兄 你真的没事吗 Buddy, are you sure you're okay?
相信我 我是个护士 Trust me, I'm a nurse.
如果我有脑"真"荡 现在就会有明显症状 By now there'd be clear signs if I had a concursion.
天 你妈看起来好眼熟 Gosh, your mom looks familiar.
她以前做过一阵模特 She used to do a little modeling.
她照片最近还被人盗用去 Recently, she had her likeness stolen
"脂肪冷却手术"的广告牌上 for one of those "Freeze-the-Fat" Billboards.
迪兰的妈妈是 ‭Dylan's Mom was the hot chick
《性感小野猫》音乐视频里的辣妹 in the "Sex Kitty" music video.
♪ 性感小野猫 ♪ ♪ Sex kitty ♪
♪ 性感小野猫 ♪ ♪ Sexy kitty ♪
♪ 性感小野猫 ♪ ♪ Sex kitty ♪
♪ 性 ♪ ♪ Se-- ♪
歌写得不怎么样 The songwriting isn't perfect,
但这个视频让歌起死回生 but this video changed everything.
♪ 性感小野猫 性... ♪ ♪ Sex kitty, se-- ♪
那俩自行车不住那吧 Those bikes don't live there, do they?
因为那是摆放生产浴缸的绝佳位置 'Cause that is an ideal north-facing spot
刚好面朝北 for a birthing tub.
我不知道海莉 I wasn't aware that Haley
考虑在家生孩子 was considering a home birth.
我本来没打算 但法拉让我看清了 Oh, I wasn't, but then Farrah really opened up my eyes
生产工业的丑陋面目 to the birth-industrial complex.
这个房间有点在散发出 You know, this room is kind of vibrating
古老伤痕的感觉 with ancient wounds.
-我们用驱邪鼠尾草熏一下 -好的 - Let's sage the area. - Okay.
迪兰 亲爱的 你能拿个电风扇 Dylan, honey, do you think you could grab that fan
吹散下厨房的怪味吗 and maybe de-funk the kitchen a little?
天啊 Oh, my God.
迪兰的妈妈是不是很眼熟 Is, uh -- Is Dylan's mom at all familiar to you?
是的 谢天谢地你也注意到了 Yes! Thank God you noticed it, too.
我不敢相信这将会成为我们生活的常态 I can't believe that is gonna be in our life on a regular basis.
我知道 她快要把我弄疯了 I know. She's been driving me kind of crazy
自我小时候开始 since I was a kid.
你知道有多少个夜晚我在床上 Do you know how many nights I went to bed
用枕头捂着嘴大叫她的名字吗 screaming her name into a pillow?
继续说 Go on. ‭
-她弄坏了 -不 是你弄坏了 - She broke it! - No, you broke it!
姑娘们 没关系 另外 你们是谁 Girls, it's fine! Also, who are you?
我每月得带一次我的继女 Oh, I get my stepdaughters once a month
我前妻要在国民警卫队轮班 when my ex-wife's on rotation with the National Guard.
孩子们 小心南美栗鼠 好吗 Mm. ‭Girls, be careful with the chinchilla, okay?
你们知道他很容易被吓得屁滚尿流 You know he has a nervous bowel.
-姑娘们 -阿嬷 - Hi, girls! - Gammy!
阿嬷 Gammy?
姑娘们叫你阿嬷吗 The girls call you Gammy?
有意思了 因为我也希望 That's funny, because I was hoping
海莉的双胞胎将来 when Haley's twins came along,
这么叫我 they might call me that.
那恐怕会容易弄混 Oh, well, that might be confusing.
但你可以被叫做其他啊 But maybe you could be something else.
-嬷嬷怎么样 -或许我们现在 - How about "Gaga"? - Maybe we don't have to lock
还不用确定任何叫法下来 anything down right now.
天啊 我喜欢 Oh, my God. I love it!
你好啊 嬷嬷 Hey, Gaga!
小鼠跑了 抓住他 Squeaker's loose! Get him!
我来 I'll get him!
-你看到了吗 菲尔 -什么 - Do you see it, Phil? - ‭What?!
没 我什么也没看到 No, I didn't see anything, so...
对不起 小迪 I'm so sorry, D!
要不是因为你是我偶像 If you weren't my hero,
我要怀疑你是故意的了 I'd wonder if you're doing this on purpose!
天啊 爸爸 Oh, my God, Dad!
他怎么回事啊 妈 What's wrong with him, Mom?
-妈 -克莱尔 - Mom? - Claire?
嬷嬷 Gaga?
帅哥 这个座位有人吗 Hey, handsome, this seat taken?
你来这干嘛 Hey, what are you doing here?
我给你带了奶昔 但... Well, I brought you a smoothie, although,
你不需要 因为你已经是 you don't need it because you're already
百分百的美味果缤纷了 100% fruity deliciousness.
或许我该直奔主题 Maybe I just get right to it.
米奇尔 我很感激你的心意... Look, Mitchell, I appreciate what you're doing --
不 听我说 No, no, listen.
莉莉今晚去朋友家过夜 Lily's at a sleepover tonight,
所以我在耳语度假水疗中心定了套房 so I got us a suite at Whispers Resort and Spa.
就是珍妮弗·安妮斯顿离婚后 Isn't that the place, uh, Jen Aniston goes to
-去的那家吗 -是的 - after her divorces? - ‭Yes.
《花花女郎》的事我很抱歉 And I'm sorry about the silly Playgirl thing.
我想让你体验我每天所体验的感觉 I-I want you to feel what I feel every day.
就是你眼里除了我没有别人 That you only have eyes for me.
你可以说我传统 我就是心里容不下别的男人 Call me old-fashioned. I just don't see other men.
亲爱的 你的心率高到警报响了 Sweetie, your-your heart rate's setting off an alarm.
你还是先别骑车了 Why-why don't you get off that bike?
是啊 好主意 不如这样 Yeah, that's a good idea. You know what?
我们先去水疗 看能不能提前开始项目 Why don't we go to the spa, see if we can get an early treatment?
我喜欢 I love that.
奶昔 Oh, smoothie.
好的 Okay.
你真的出了好多汗 Hey, you're-you're really sweating.
你该拿条毛巾擦擦了 You should get a towel.
你表现得好奇怪 Okay, you're acting weird.
-到底怎么回事 -好吧 我只是 - What's going on? - Okay, look, I just --
因为酒店很兴奋 Um, I'm excited about that hotel.
那里发生过好多好莱坞名人名事 I mean, there's a lot of Hollywood history there.
传闻 You know, they say
《小淘气》那帮演员常在那搞群交 the Little Rascals used to have orgies there.
小卡 Hey, Cam!
我差点忘了你给我们做的自制蛋白棒 I almost forgot the homemade protein bars you brought for us!
下次见 Well, I'll see you next time!
好 这人谁啊 Yeah! Who is that?
这片风光可真有意思 Wow, that's an interesting view.
哪有意思了 停车场而已 What? It's a parking lot.
-那有个垃圾桶 -拜托 少来了 - There's a Dumpster. - Oh, please. Come on.
你选这辆单车是为了能在前排 You picked this bike so you could have a front-row seat
观摩这场猛男... to this little peep sho-
我的天 Oh! Oh, my God.
我们那晚"超乎寻常的体验" That night of our "Spectacular session,"
正好是你从健身房回家后 you had just come from the gym.
真好奇你那天劲头为什么那么足 Well, I-I wonder what got your engine so revved up, huh?
真相就在外面 The truth is out there!
你知道吗 Okay, you know what?
我很容易动摇 行了吧 I'm weak, okay?
真不敢相信你因为我看杂志而羞辱我 I can't believe you shamed me for looking at a magazine
而你一直在给这群猛男 when you've been baking protein bars
-做蛋白棒 -或许就是这个原因 - for Thunder from Down Under! - Maybe that's why.
这让我很内疚 It's because I-I felt guilty about this.
不必内疚 明白吗 Well, don't, okay?
我们可以去看其他男人 We are allowed to look at other men
不必觉得内疚 without feeling guilty about it.
要是这样能激发你 大可去看 And-and if it inspires you, then go for it,
因为归根结底 because at the end of the day,
好处都是我享用了 I'm the one who gets to reap the rewards.
这话没错 好吧 我很抱歉 That's true. Okay. Look, I'm sorry.
我们快离开这吧 Let's just get out of here.
这就走 好吧 Oh, now? Okay.
或许我该加入这间健身房 Maybe I should join this gym.
不行 继续看你的怀旧裸男杂志去 No, stick to your vintage nudie mags.
这里是我的 This is mine.
-他叫什么 -查克 - What's his name? - Chuck.
查克 Oh, Chuck.
乔 太可爱了 Oh, Joe, so adorable,
你看起来像幼年版阿尔瓦罗先祖 you look like a little Uncle Alvaro!
最后的点睛之笔 怀表 One last touch -- the pocket watch,
永远停在3点30分 permanently broken at 3:30
因为它挡住了善妒的弗洛伦斯·南丁格尔 after it stopped a bullet shot by a very drunk
酒醉后射出的子弹 and jealous Florence Nightingale.
或许我是酸葡萄心理 Maybe it was sour grapes,
但我开始觉得这家伙是个骗子 but this guy was starting to sound like baloney.
我很确定假如我用尽一切手段 I was sure that if I left no stone unturned,
最终 某天 eventually, one day,
我会找到先祖阿尔瓦罗的丑闻 I'd find some dirt on Great Uncle Alvaro.
我就知道 I knew it!
西蒙·弗朗西斯科·阿尔瓦罗 Simón Francisco Alvaro
辗转于不同小镇 勾引有钱寡妇 would go from town to town, seducing wealthy widows
编造自己在战争中的勇敢故事骗她们 with made-up stories of his bravery in battle.
把她们的所有钱财都浪费在喝酒赌博上 After frittering away their fortunes on drink and dice,
然后换下一目标 只给他的受害人 he would move on, leaving his victims with nothing
留下一枝红玫瑰 but a single red rose
和梅毒 and syphilis.
有人想听历史小课堂吗 Who's up for a little history lesson?
-看起来 -等一下 - It seems -- - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
再演一次 Do it again.
哥伦比亚的肩头 The yoke of Spanish oppression
将不会再套上西班牙压迫的缰绳 will chafe Colombian shoulders no longer!
我的佩剑在渴求欧洲人的鲜血 My saber thirsts for European blood!
-太可爱了 -好极了 - So cute! - ‭Bravo!
他自己查到背下来的 He looked it up and memorized it himself.
爸 你知道那些孩子 Hey, Dad. You know how kids tease me
总笑我是班上最矮的吗 'cause I'm the shortest kid in the class?
可别听他们说的那些鬼话 Oh, don't listen to what they say!
没错 先祖阿尔瓦罗只有一米五 Right! Uncle Alvaro was only five feet tall
可是他领导了一整支军队 and he led a whole army!
我要像他一样勇敢 I'm gonna be brave like him.
先祖阿尔瓦罗万岁 Viva Uncle Alvaro.
我享受了很多年以我先祖为荣的日子 I enjoyed a lot of years taking pride in my great uncle.
我不想夺走乔在这方面的机会 I didn't want to rob Joe of that.
忍着不说真的很不容易 It wasn't easy biting my tongue,
但我向家族里另一个伟大的先人学习 but I took a page from another heroic relative --
他就是鲁拉赫·麦普里契特 Lulach McPritchett --
勇敢骄傲的苏格兰勇士 被英国佬所捕获 proud Scottish warrior, captured by the English,
用尽世上各种手段刑求逼供 tortured for months using every method imaginable,
但他还是没有透漏任何一点秘密 and never once giving up a single secret.
别去查他 Don't look him up.
夫人[意语] 为何如此难过 Signora, why so sad?
让我看看你如通心粉般的大微笑好吗 Let me see that big macaroni smile, ah?
你怎么找到我在这 How did you find me?
安东尼奥打电话来说 Antonio called and said
你点了一杯燃烧森布卡茴香酒... you'd ordered a flaming Sambuca... ‭
但一口没喝 只静静看它燃烧 ...and just watched it burn.
一切都发展得太快了 It's all just going too fast.
五个月前 Five months ago,
海莉刚跟迪兰复合 Haley got back together with Dylan.
然后我妈妈去世 再接着海莉就怀孕了 Then my mom dies. Then Haley's pregnant.
后来还发现是双胞胎 Then it's twins.
接下来"搬过来暂住一个夏天"变成了 Then, "Come move in with us this summer" turns into
"叮咚 为您带来双胞胎提前体验包 "Ding-dong, we're here with an early preview of twins
与一只大小便失控的南美栗鼠 and an incontinent chinchilla,
而且呢 比《猛鬼街》杀人魔佛莱迪 and, in the most terrifying return since Freddy Krueger
重返榆树街大开杀戒还可怕的是 sashayed his way back onto Elm Street,
我妈妈转世附身在了法拉的身体上" my mother reincarnated into the body of Farrah."
你... 你怎么能对这一切都如此淡定 How -- How are you handling this all so well?
谁说我淡定了 Who says I am?
我不得不离开家里 I had to get out of there,
不然我要害海莉成为单亲妈妈了 or I was gonna make Haley a single mom.
我连伤了迪兰两次 I hit Dylan again, Claire.
-但你不是有意的啊 -能确定吗 - But not on purpose. - ‭Are we sure?
你是说你心里可能暗藏怨念 You mean, like, you might have some buried anger
记恨他偷走了你的宝贝闺女吗 towards him stealing away your baby girl?
我真希望你是故意的 Oh, I so want it to be on purpose.
我自己一个人在疯人岛上好孤独啊 Gets lonely out here on crazy island.
没事啦 Oh, well,
我们好歹还有意大利嘛 we still have Italy.
真的有吗 Do we?
听我说 我上网查过了双胞胎 Listen, I've been doing some research on twins,
它们容易像我们的女儿当年那样 and it seems that, like our daughter, they --
提早出生 they tend to come early.
但哪怕只有10%的几率 Even if it's a 1-in-10 chance,
我也不想到时候海莉身边唯一的母性角色 I can't risk having the only maternal figure present
是那个浴缸生产的妖女 be that tub-birthing Wiccan.
我得在她身边陪她 I got to be there for Haley.
的确是很压力山大 It's overwhelming for sure,
但我们许许多多的美好回忆 but haven't a ton of our best memories
不都是从一家人的各种混乱中产生的吗 come from the anarchy of our house?
比如卢克把脑袋卡在栏杆中 Like when Luke got his head stuck in the banister?
哪一次被卡住 Which time?
或是艾丽克斯的科学展览设计 Or when -- when Alex's science fair project
害整个邻里各家各户都停电了 blacked out the whole neighborhood
而且还是在超级碗期间 during the Super Bowl? ‭
还有 Or when, uh,
海莉想从卢克的窗户溜进家 Haley snuck in Luke's window
-结果那周我们才刚给卢克买了弹弓 -天啊 - the same week we bought him a slingshot? - ‭Oh, God.
真的是... That was... Mm.
我们家是有点像疯人之家 So, it's a-a madhouse,
但换另一个角度想 but on the other hand,
这个家马上就要迎接几个新的宝宝了 we're gonna have a couple babies in the house,
他们会是海莉与迪兰的宝宝 and they'll be Haley and Dylan's.
他们一定会闹出很多笑料 ‭So they'll be doing funny stuff.
所以... So...
感觉我们还是会去旅行啦 looks like we are going on a trip?
向人生这场冒险致敬
与你在一起 每天都是割草机
我一定是世界上最高大的男人
-格雷琴 -曼尼尔 - Gretchen. ‭- Manuel.
我对我们不欢而散感到抱歉 Look, I really am sorry about the way things ended --
为时已晚 That chapter is closed.
我们现在是单纯的工作关系 We have a strictly business relationship now.
还喜欢这本书吗 还是你的眼睛 Did you enjoy this book, or did you find your eyes
瞟向了更短小的犹太书籍[人] drifting toward a shorter Jewish one?
听我说 我跟肖莎娜已经结束了 Okay, Shoshana and I are over.
最伤心的就是当我发现 It was beyond hurtful that you found a woman
你另找的姑娘名字里还带有两个"嘘"的音 whose name has two "shhh" sounds in it.
显然你还在伤心 Clearly, you're still upset
而且看来也没机会握手言和了 and there is no hope for reconciliation.
既然如此 So...
我想向你道别 I'll just say good-bye
并希望你会允许我在我们的爱歌中退场 and hope you'll allow me to play myself off with our song.
《性感小野猫》