m 211 -8 b 217 -6 217 -4 217 -2 l 217 24 b 217 26 217 29 211 31 l 31 31 b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
m 50 0 l 179 0 b 208 0 229 21 229 50 l 229 179 b 229 208 208 228 179 228 l 50 228 b 21 228 0 208 0 179 l 0 50 b 0 21 21 0 50 0
m 0 0 b 1 -1 2 -2 4 -1 b 7 1 3 2 5 5 b 6 7 8 7 9 5 l 15 -6 b 18 -7 20 -6 20 -3 b 19 -1 17 2 17 4 b 16 7 20 7 21 6 b 22 4 23 2 25 -1 b 27 -2 29 -1 29 1 b 29 2 28 3 29 5 b 30 7 32 7 33 6 b 34 5 34 4 35 3 b 37 2 39 3 39 5 b 39 6 38 8 37 9 b 34 13 29 13 25 9 b 22 13 17 13 13 9 b 10 13 3 13 0 8
m 325 0 l 355 0 l 332 47 l 354 47 l 399 136 l 369 136 l 328 53 l 288 136 l 257 136 l 325 0 m 467 0 l 497 0 l 474 47 l 496 47 l 541 136 l 511 136 l 470 53 l 430 136 l 399 136 l 467 0 m 545 1 l 583 1 l 583 14 l 568 14 l 568 19 l 583 19 l 583 30 l 568 30 l 568 34 l 599 34 l 599 30 l 583 30 l 583 19 l 599 19 l 599 14 l 583 14 l 583 1 l 611 1 b 616 1 622 6 622 10 l 622 36 l 652 0 l 678 0 l 644 41 l 622 41 l 622 47 l 596 47 l 597 54 l 625 54 l 625 68 l 541 68 l 541 54 l 572 54 l 571 47 l 545 47 l 545 1 m 583 72 l 583 85 l 569 85 l 569 90 l 598 90 l 598 85 l 583 85 l 583 72 l 611 72 b 615 72 621 78 621 82 l 653 44 l 678 44 l 644 86 l 621 86 l 621 103 l 597 103 l 597 136 l 570 136 l 564 126 l 562 136 l 542 136 l 548 107 l 568 107 l 565 121 l 571 121 l 571 103 l 547 103 l 547 72 l 583 72 m 600 107 l 620 107 l 624 124 l 653 89 l 679 89 l 642 136 l 615 136 l 618 132 l 606 132 l 600 107 m 689 0 l 716 0 l 721 15 l 732 15 l 732 30 l 718 56 l 731 56 l 735 100 l 721 100 l 717 59 l 714 64 l 714 136 l 693 136 l 693 79 l 676 79 l 707 30 l 679 30 l 679 15 l 694 15 l 689 0 m 738 0 l 804 0 b 807 0 813 6 813 9 l 813 87 l 794 87 l 794 14 l 756 14 l 756 87 l 763 77 l 763 21 l 787 21 l 787 91 l 798 91 l 798 120 l 820 120 l 812 136 l 778 136 l 778 90 l 748 136 l 723 136 l 756 87 l 738 87 l 738 0 m 257 151 l 275 151 l 297 182 l 319 151 l 337 151 l 304 197 l 304 227 l 290 227 l 290 197 l 257 151 m 337 151 l 355 151 l 377 182 l 399 151 l 417 151 l 384 197 l 384 227 l 370 227 l 370 197 l 337 151 m 425 192 l 447 192 b 445 181 427 181 425 192 l 410 192 b 414 162 458 162 462 192 l 462 206 l 425 206 b 425 210 429 212 433 213 l 462 213 l 462 227 l 433 227 b 412 227 408 203 410 192 m 462 151 l 532 151 l 532 165 l 504 165 l 504 227 l 489 227 l 489 165 l 462 165 l 462 151 m 580 172 l 580 186 l 549 186 b 543 186 543 192 549 192 l 565 192 b 589 192 589 227 565 227 l 532 227 l 532 213 l 565 213 b 570 213 570 206 565 206 l 549 206 b 524 206 524 172 549 172 l 580 172 m 592 213 l 606 213 l 606 227 l 592 227 l 592 213 m 639 172 l 665 172 l 665 186 l 639 186 b 623 186 623 213 639 213 l 665 213 l 665 227 l 639 227 b 603 227 603 172 639 172 m 700 184 b 722 184 722 215 700 215 l 700 229 b 740 229 740 170 700 170 b 660 170 660 229 700 229 l 700 215 b 680 215 680 184 700 184 m 737 172 l 782 172 b 803 172 813 177 813 198 l 813 228 l 799 228 l 799 198 b 799 186 793 187 782 187 l 782 228 l 768 228 l 768 187 l 752 187 l 752 228 l 737 228 l 737 172
原创翻译 双语字幕
最新连载海外影视剧下载 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com 仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
m 200 -1 l 200 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
m 38 -1 l 44 6 l 38 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
翻译 incanto Flora哎呀呀 洗七里
翻译 油腻希 梦游翻译赛太公
校对 新浪微博@赛太公
时间轴 三水
后期 一上班就等下班的瓜瓜
总监 生无可恋瓜
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第十六集
你听到了吗 我找不到手机了 Do you hear that? I can't find my phone.
听起来像是从水果碗里传出来的 I think it's coming from the fruit bowl.
不要啊 Oh, no.
我又开始梦游变魔术了 I've been doing sleep magic again.
你看起来像完全没睡过觉 You look like you haven't slept at all.
可能一晚就只睡了一两小时吧 Maybe an hour or two a night.
我什么都试过了 I've tried everything:
睡前的热水澡 冥想 warm shower before bed, meditation,
阅读我手机操作系统的用户协议 reading my operating system's user agreement.
你有没有试过问艾丽克斯 Did you try asking Alex about the struggles that are unique
女性在科学领域所特有的挣扎 to women in science?
昨晚深夜时候问的 她好像还没讲完 Late last night. I think she's still going.
这失眠时机太糟糕了 It's the worst possible timing.
我今天要为一个重要的待售屋拍广告 I have a video shoot for a big listing today,
而且我也得上镜 and I'm supposed to be on camera.
我得走了 I gotta go.
爸爸 你的钥匙 Dad, your keys.
我来开车吧 You know what? I'll drive.
祝你面试顺利 Good luck with your interview.
你猜怎么着 我决定不去了 Oh, you know what? I decided to pass on that.
为什么 Why?
那是个很棒的工作 你之前表现得很期待啊 That's an amazing job, and you were so excited.
我想那只是我感到受宠若惊吧 I think I was flattered.
就像你去酒吧 有人送来一杯酒那样 Like when you go to a bar and a guy sends you a drink.
我不懂好吗 我在国内顶尖的科技大学读书 I'm at the leading scientific university in the country.
里面的宅男连他们机器人的眼睛都不敢直视 Those guys can't even look their robots in the eye.
我被邀请去"内德叔叔饼干"面试首席执行官职位 I was asked to interview for CEO of Uncle Ned's Cookies,
那公司是休闲食品行业的重量级选手 a major player in the snack food industry.
这个职位空缺原来是因为 The position opened up because it turns out
内德叔叔喜欢在工作时玩弄... Uncle Ned liked to play fast and loose with...
他的生殖器 his genitals at work.
妈妈 你需要参加这场面试 Mom, you need to take that interview.
现在人们正在把雄性渣滓 Now that they're purging male creeps
清除出行政职位 from executive positions,
强大的女性终得在谈判桌上占有一席之地 strong women are finally getting their seat at the table.
亲爱的 我已经有一席之地了 Honey, I already have a seat at the table.
实际上 我在谈判桌的主位呢 In fact, at the head of the table.
你是说当外公不在时吗 You mean when Grandpa's not there?
谈判桌有两个主位 Tables have two heads.
我只是说出了我标志性的残酷事实 I'm only bringing out my trademark hard truths
因为我不想让你放弃 because I don't want you to pass up
在父权制顺从社会中出头的绝佳机会 an amazing opportunity in deference to the patriarchy.
宝贝 我现在的工作里有许多绝佳机会 Honey, I have a lot of amazing opportunities at my current job.
而且"内德叔叔"不都是抽大麻的人在吃的吗 And isn't Uncle Ned's basically just stoner food?
我们爱"内德叔叔" We love Uncle Ned's!
我好想念它们 I miss those.
谢谢你的关心 不过我会没事的 Thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine.
也许我只是在发泄我自己 Maybe I'm just projecting my own frustrations
在科学界的挫折感 with the science world.
你知道吗 那里只有三名女博士 You know, there are only three female PhDs --
甜心 很抱歉 我得保持清醒不能犯困 Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but I have to stay alert.
莉莉宝贝 开门 上学要迟到了 Lily, sweetie, open up. We're gonna be late for school.
我不去上学 别管我 I'm not going! Leave me alone!
-另一个危机 -她把自己锁浴室里了 - Another meltdown. - She's locked herself in the bathroom.
现在你后悔当初没让我在后院建茅房了吧 Now don't you wish you'd let me build that outhouse?
不后悔 Still no.
她 她怎么了 W-What is going on with her?
她最近变得好情绪化 S-She's been so moody recently,
前一分钟还在尖叫 下一分钟就哭了 screaming one minute, crying the next.
我想我知道这是什么情况了 You know what? I think I know what this might be.
她要在今天的科学课上交一座火山模型 She had a volcano due in science class today,
我在她这年纪时 肩负重任的话 and when I was her age and had a big project,
我会焦虑不安 表现得和这一样 I'd get stressed out and act just like this.
你知道吗 我到现在都还在做 You know, I still have nightmares about
当年北方侵略战争模型的噩梦 my War of Northern Aggression diorama.
好了 我们结婚时说了什么 Okay. What did we say when we got married?
永远不带着怒气上床 Never go to bed angry
以及叫它内战 而不是北方侵略你们南方 and you have to call it the Civil War.
好了 我去看看她作业做到什么程度了 Okay, I'll go check and see how far she's gotten.
好 莉莉宝贝 出来吧 好吗 Okay, Lily, honey, come on. Come out, all right?
我们能帮你修好你的火山 We can help you fix your volcano,
你还是能来得及上学的 and -- and you'll still make it to school.
最坏的结果不过就是 Worst comes to worst,
第一节课[初潮]稍稍迟到一点 you'll be a little late for your first period.
其实 她可能"早到"了 Actually, she's a little early.
所以... So --
莉莉现在是个月经者了 Lily is a menstruator now.
不是那样叫的 That's not what you call it.
我只是有点羞于承认 Well, I'm just ashamed to admit
我们从未帮她准备过这个 that we never really prepared her for it.
我们曾经试过一次 Hey, we tried that one time.
姑娘 你好啊 Hey, girl. Hey!
宝贝 小爸和我在想 So, sweetie, Daddy and I were wondering if,
既然你开始穿少女文胸了 now that you're wearing a training bra,
如果你对自己正在改变的身体还有其他疑问 if you had any other questions about your changing body.
我们能不说这个吗 Can we just not?
-听起来不错 -好极了 - Sounds good. - ‭Yeah, perfect.
我以为你会请克莱尔 I thought you were gonna ask Claire
跟莉莉说说这个 to talk to Lily about this.
我有尝试 但当时克莱尔心情很不好 Well, I was, but when I tried, Claire was in such a mood,
因为讽刺的是[更年期]... because, ironically...
我们不能搞砸 不能让她有心理阴影 Okay, we can't screw this up. We cannot give her a complex.
你看看能不能联系到克莱尔 Okay, you see if you can track down Claire.
我会去药房 I will go to the pharmacy
试着克服我对女性护理用品通道的恐惧 and try and conquer my fear of the feminine care aisle.
可怜的莉莉 Poor Lily.
还可能更糟 You know, it could be worse.
如果她是羊 每十七天都要这样一次 If she were a sheep, she'd be dealing with this every 17 days.
答应我 我不在时你不会这样说 Promise you won't say that while I'm gone.
好了 我们再来试试包襁褓 All right, let's try the swaddle again.
把毛毯折成三角状 Our blankets are folded into triangles,
左边折一下 we do a left tuck,
下面折一下 a toe tuck,
右边折一下 a right tuck,
然后大功告成 婴儿卷饼就好啦 and voila, baby burrito.
你是怎么包成功的 Ugh! How did you do yours?!
那个暑假在地下室卷饼小作坊工作 I guess that summer working at Burrito Basement
感染大肠杆菌 现在终于值得了 was worth the E. Coli.
迪兰和我正在上婴儿护理课程 Dylan and I have been taking a baby care class.
很令人沮丧 因为即使他缺了一些课 It's frustrating, because even though he's missed some,
成绩也能大杀四方 he's crushing it.
是说课程啦 不是练习用的宝宝 The class, not the practice doll.
杀宝宝的人是我 That was me.
继续吧 我们今天还要练习什么 Let's move on.What else do we have to get down for today?
-拍嗝 -太好了 - Burping. - ‭Great!
我拍拍拍 牛逼 还有什么 A bur-bur-burp. Boom. What's next?
等等 妈妈 Hold on, Mom.
你还记得万一过肩拍不管用时 Do you remember the four other methods
其他的四种方法吗 in case over-the-shoulder doesn't work?
其中一招是找人把他吓出嗝吗 Uh, was one scare 'em?
还有放在大腿上拍 There's over-the-lap,
膝上拍 over-the-knee,
奶奶式拍 和蹦蹦拍 Grandmother's burp, and the bounce burp.
为什么我学这么慢啊 Ugh. Why do I suck at this?
我理解这内容很多 不过你会慢慢学会的 I know it's overwhelming, but you're gonna get there.
别担心 Don't worry.
别炫耀了 Stop showing off.
太好了 你在这坐着呢 Oh, good. You're sitting down.
我们有个问题 We have a problem.
我上公司官网 发现有人 I went on the company website, and somebody left off
取消了总裁级柜的磨砂铜升级 the brushed brass upgrade on the Executive Premiere.
是的是的 我停止磨砂铜升级了 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I eighty-sixed that.
可是我已经签署同意了 I already signed off on it.
可能他们后来又想来跟我确认一下 They probably just wanted to double-check with me.
你也知道 我确实有三十年的经验 You know, I do have 30 years' experience.
《橱柜时代周刊》曾经称我为 Closet Time Magazine once called me
"存储空间[太空]竞赛中的尼尔·阿姆斯特朗" "The Neil Armstrong of the storage space race."
得了吧 爸 你一周就工作两天 Okay, Dad, you work two days a week,
上次员工会议还全程涂鸦 and you spent the entire last staff meeting
画菠萝 doodling a pineapple.
这么着吧 你掌管伯克郡生产线 How about this -- take the helm on the Berkshire line.
我中断那个项目了 I discontinued that.
是这样没错 不过后来杰夫在洗手间逼我 Yeah, but then Jeff cornered me in the men's room,
我又重启了 and I relaunched it.
好吧 爸 你这样让我十分难做 Okay, Dad, you are putting me in an impossible position.
我做完决定 一个转身你就推翻我的决定 I make decisions, and then you go around undermining them.
这里的大家都很重视你的看法 克莱尔 Everybody values your opinions around here, Claire.
事实上 我现在就需要你的看法 In fact, I'd like your opinion right now.
这个看着像个冰屋吗 Does this look like an igloo?
内德叔叔饼干公司想让我去当首席执行官 Uncle Ned's Cookies wants me to be their CEO.
什么 你在考虑去内德叔叔公司 What?! You're considering Uncle Ned's?!
你嗑药嗑高了吗 Are you on reefer?!
那家公司有巨大的增长潜力 That company has tremendous growth potential.
那只是零食 这可是衣柜 It's snacks! This is closets!
你现在已经在大舞台上了 You're already at the show!
至少在那里 我能做老板 At least there, I can be the boss
而不只是老板的女儿 and not just the boss's daughter.
所以现在是到了我跟你道歉 Is this the part where I apologize
抱歉把曾经被《高级衣柜杂志》 for handing you a company
称为"顶层"的公司交给你的环节吗 Closet Fancy once called "Top shelf"?!
不 是到了我要去参加面试 No, this is the part where I take an interview
跟那些能真正认同我价值的人共事的环节 with people who actually recognize my value!
静音滑动门都摔不出气势 Damn whisper slides.
莉莉还在卫生间吗 Is Lily still in the bathroom?
你说呢 我用猫砂上厕所是为了好玩吗 No, I used Larry's cat box for fun.
真的假的 她需要这么多吗 Okay. Really? She needed all of this?
太多选择我不知如何是好 It was totally overwhelming.
我把能拿的都拿了 I just -- I just grabbed as much as I could.
这里有卫生棉条 卫生巾 各种尺寸 I have tampons, maxi pads, variety packs --
对了 还有这个叫女王[月经]杯的东西 oh, and this thing called a Diva Cup,
听起来感觉很可爱就买了 'cause, I don't know, sounded kind of cute.
那 我们现在该做什么 So, what are we supposed to do?
总不能把这些盒子丢过去祝她好运吧 We can't just throw these boxes in there and wish her good luck.
感谢上帝 Oh, thank God.
那是克莱尔吗 你联系她了吗 Is that Claire? Did you reach her?
不是 她没有回复 所以我呼叫了后援 No, she wasn't answering, so I -- I called for backup.
谢谢你们让我参与到这个特别的时刻 Thank you for including me in this special time.
我带来了花 因为我们的莉莉正如花般盛开 I brought flowers because our Lily's blossoming!
好 我们真的非常感谢你来帮忙 Well, we really appreciate you helping us out.
应该的 Of course.
这就是家里有个女人的好处了 This is when it's good to have a woman in the house.
我完全没有说两个男人养育女儿 Not that two men raising a daughter
是违背自然规律的意思 is unnatural in any way.
我很确定刚才完全没人想到这个 Pretty sure no one was thinking that.
抱歉 我慌了手脚 群发了信息 Sorry -- I-I panicked and sent a group text
因为不知道谁会回复 because I didn't know who would respond.
你们好啊 我给莉莉带了知识小册子 Hey. I brought Lily some pamphlets.
理解生理知识能让她 Understanding the biology will help make her
更坦然面对自己的小经经 more comfortable with her menses.
"小精精" 快来人把小个子同志酒吧叫这个啊 Mensies? How is that not a gay bar for little men?
-我们应该... -我们不会再买一个域名了 - We should-- - We're not buying another domain name.
她不需要生理知识册子 She doesn't need pamphlets.
她需要的是爱和支持 She needs love and support.
这是一场美妙的仪式 It's a beautiful rite of passage
将把她和每一个女人联结起来 that is going to connect her with women everywhere.
别那么诗意了 疼起来要命的 Let's not get poetic. It hurts like hell.
所以我带了给她做传统哥伦比亚 And that's why I brought all the ingredients
月经药糊的所有材料 to make her a traditional Colombian period poultice,
等她痛经的时候可以敷在肚子上 and she can rub it on her belly when she gets cramps.
或者她吃点布洛芬就好了 Or she could just take some ibuprofen.
但是那能消除她的罪孽吗 Oh, but is that going to draw out all of her sins?
因为罪孽就是女人有月经最根本的原因 'Cause that's why women get their period in the first place.
好吧 很有用 两种方法都很有价值 Okay, very helpful. Two equally worthy paths.
我还是更倾向于知识小册子 Yeah, gotta say I'm leaning toward the pamphlet.
你们好 莉莉怎么样了 Hey, how's Lily?
太好了 新的声音 Oh, great -- more voices.
她在哪 Where is she?
-她还把自己锁在卫生间呢 -真倒霉 - She's still locked in the bathroom. - Damn it!
我肚子里的两个胎儿正在踢我的膀胱 I have two fetuses kicking me in the bladder,
我真的很需要上厕所 and I really have to pee!
好吧 拉里的猫砂盆在走廊上 Okay, well, Larry's litter box is on the porch.
她怀孕了 你不能让个孕妇去外面 She's pregnant! You can't ask her to go outside
-蹲猫厕所... -马上回来 - and squat ov-- - Be right back!
恶心 Gross!
你也没比我们强多少 你知道吧 You're not better than us, you know.
你觉得自己为什么会睡不着觉呢 Why do you think you're not sleeping?
我也不知道 I don't know.
我觉得是有太多烦心事 I guess I got a lot on my mind.
账单 有一根脚趾麻痹了 Bills, my one numb toe,
海莉会不会成为一个糟糕的妈妈 is Haley gonna be a terrible mom,
全球变暖 global warming...
慢着慢着 往回倒带 Back up, back up, back up.
哪根脚趾头麻 Which toe is numb?
左脚 去市场的那只小猪 Left foot. The one that goes to market.
那你为什么担心海莉 And why are you worried about Haley?
她在育儿课上看起来没准备好 At her baby class, she did not seem ready.
迪兰今天得去上班我挺高兴的 I'm kind of glad Dylan had to work today.
我特别想看看你学了多少东西 I'm excited to see what you've learned.
好了 大家 上课前先快速复习一下 Okay, everybody. Quick review before we start.
我们从宝宝多大起可以喂固体食物 At what age can you first give babies solid food?
-六个月 -两年 - Six months. - Two years!
宝宝睡觉时 你该让他怎样躺着 And when you put baby down to sleep, you place him on his...
-仰面躺着 -躺在床垫上 - Back. - Mattress.
囟门是指 And the fontanelle is...
-颅骨间隙 -迈阿密的酒店 - Soft spot. - A hotel in Miami?
菲尔 准备好卖房子了吗 Phil. You ready to sell a house?
是的是的 我们开始吧 Yes. Yes. Let's do this.
德斯蒙德 这是我的主管卢克 Uh, Desmond, this is my director, Luke.
我是你儿子 I'm your son.
你永远是我的好儿子 Aww. You always will be.
-爸 -高端房地产 - Dad. - Desmond is the brains
最佳的售房视频都是出自德斯蒙德之手 behind the best high-end real-estate walkthrough videos.
他帮忙卖出的房子比 He's helped move more houses than, um...
比 than, uh...
总引发地震的那个裂缝叫什么来着 What's the-what's the crack that...causes all the earthquakes?
圣安德烈亚斯断层 The San Andreas fault.
真好笑 That's funny.
好了 回顾一下我们所讨论的 So, to recap our discussion,
开拍后摄像机沿着走道下移 we'll start with the camera coming down the walk.
你开门 You open the door,
说"欢迎来到峡谷岭道15683号 say "Welcome to 15683 Canyon Ridge Drive,
六卧 七卫 七百九十九平方米 a six-bedroom, seven-bathroom, 8,600 square-foot home
有名望的邮政编码90212" in the prestigious 90212 ZIP code."
记住了吗 You got it?
15683 15683 15683, 15683 --
记住了 I got it.
很好 先拍一条试试 Good. Let's try one.
开始 Here we go.
准备 Ready, and...
开拍 action.
15683 15683.
-停 -下一个镜头吗 - Cut. - ‭Moving on?
不 N-no.
不 你全没记住 No, that wasn't right at all.
我很肯定我没记错 Um... pretty sure it was.
菲尔 Phil.
你得把词全说了 You've got to do the whole thing.
是的 当然 Oh, yes. Yeah, of course.
是啊 Yeah.
从头开始 Back to one.
准备 Ready, and...
开拍 action.
谢谢 Thank you.
克莱尔 多谢你过来 Claire! Thanks for coming in.
我是本 这是我兄弟埃文 I'm Ben. This is my brother, Evan.
我们老爸就是内德叔叔 Our dad's Uncle Ned.
不过我们只叫他爸 But we just call him Dad.
你能来我们很高兴 We are so happy you're here.
多谢你们邀请我 Well, thank you so much for having me.
不得不说 这里真好闻 And can I say -- it smells amazing in here!
是饼干的香味 It's the cookies.
是啊 Yeah.
从税务上讲 We are so very impressed
我们对贵衣柜公司的业绩十分钦佩 with what your closet company has done, fiscally speaking.
说句公道话 公司是我爸创立的 Well, to be fair, my dad is the one who built the business.
这点我们很有共鸣 We can relate to that.
但我们是指在你加入后 But we mean since you joined.
人们都说公司是从那以后真正发展起来的 Many people are saying that's when it really took off.
能得到认可真好 It is so nice to be recognized.
我认为这家公司有巨大的发展潜力 I-I see tremendous growth potential in this company.
我们也这么认为 We think so.
但得靠优秀的船长驶舵才行 That is, with the right captain steering the ship,
从税务上讲 fiscally speaking.
所以我们预备为你提供丰厚薪水 Which is why we're prepared to offer you a big salary,
股票什么的 stock stuff...
你想吃多少饼干就吃多少 And all the cookies you can eat.
我没想到进展会这么快 I didn't expect this to be going so fast.
其实我们时间不多 Well, we're kind of on a clock.
你瞧 国税局说我们的一些账目 You see, the IRS has called some of our bookkeeping...
"赤裸裸地违法" "Flagrantly illegal."
怎么会发生这种事 How could that happen?
我们正指望你来告诉我们原因 We were hoping you could tell us.
我们对生意一无所知 We don't know anything about business.
-从税务上讲 -是的 - Fiscally speaking? - Yeah.
没错 ‭Exactly.
那些都是我们老爸在管 That was kind of our dad's thing.
还有生产啊 销售啊 那些玩意 Also, making them, selling them, all that other stuff.
为明确起见 二位的职务是... Just to be clear, what are your roles here?
我们过去负责尝饼干 We used to taste the cookies,
但现在我们是董事局主席了 but now we're chairmen of the board.
我懂了 I see.
作为董事长 我们有法律义务告诉你 As such, we are legally bound to mention
我们和食药管理局有点情况 a little situation we have with the FDA.
都怪埃文 Thanks to Evan,
有个"毛发百万分比"总检测不合格 we keep failing something called the "Hairs-per-million test."
由于我们父亲被录下影像证据 And due to the videotaped evidence against our father,
我们需要一位你这样的高素质女性 we need a highly qualified woman such as yourself
在国会面前作证 to testify in front of Congress.
二位 这一时让人很难接受 Uh...guys, this is a lot to take in.
我想我们知道你这话什么意思 Well, I think we know what that means.
是啊 Yeah.
欢迎成为内德叔叔的一员 Welcome to Uncle Ned's.
无论你是单身汉 夫妻或一夹人 Whether you're a bachelor, a couple, or a flamily --
"一夹人" 我刚才说的是"一夹人" "flamily" -- I just said "flamily."
等等 是"一夹人"吗 Wait, is it "flamily"?
好吧 All right.
我们从这句开始 Let's just take it from,
"这是现代加州生活的最高水准" "This is modern California living at its finest."
开拍 And action.
这是现代加州生活的最高水准 This is modern California living at its finest.
停 你又变成英国口音了 Stop! You're doing the British accent again.
我没听出来 I'm not hearing it!
开拍 And action.
您将享有最先进的 You'll have state-of-the-art...
电气用具 appliances --
抱歉 我能行 I'm sorry. I got this.
想象一下从这个视角看到的生活 Imagine life from this perspective.
那玩意要撞上我了 That thing is gonna hit me!
最棒的是 整栋房子都是自动化的 And best of all, the entire house is fully automated.
你用手机就能启动美丽的喷泉 You can turn on the gorgeous fountains right from your phone.
靠 怎么不灵了 Shoot. They're not working.
我又能感觉到那根脚趾了 Hey, I can feel my toe!
这本则是关于能引起 And this one is about hormonal fluctuations
激烈情绪波动的荷尔蒙波动 that can cause radical mood swings.
前一秒 你还好好的 下一秒 One minute, you're totally fine, and then the next,
-你就... -滚回家吧 死书呆 - you're just -- - Go home, nerd!
...冲想帮你的人发火 ...lashing out when someone is trying to help you.
谢谢你帮忙 Okay, well, thank you for helping,
你别放在心上 and don't take it personally.
至少现在我们知道她为什么说我的招牌反折袖口 At least now we know why she called my signature cuffs
比《雨中曲》女主角黛比·雷诺兹的博物馆还俗气 tackier than the Debbie Reynolds museum.
对 绝对是因为荷尔蒙波动才攻击你的袖口 Y-Yes, that was definitely the hormones talking.
你们把这事看得太严重了 Look, everyone's taking this whole thing way too seriously.
等我女儿的第一次"鲨鱼嗜血周"到来时 When my daughter has her first Shark Week,
我们只会一笑置之 we're just gonna laugh about it.
女孩们就希望这样 That's what girls want.
毕竟下面 I mean, it is bananas
每个月发生的场面都惊心动魄 what happens down there every month.
唯一的好处是 月经提醒我该付账单了 Only good thing is, it reminds me to pay my bills.
难怪怀孕后 我的信用卡一直刷不了 Oh, that's why my credit card keeps getting denied.
如果你有别的地方要去... Hey, if there's somewhere you need to be --
看老娘的 Just watch this.
婊子 Hey, bitch.
海莉也来了吗 Haley's here?!
没错 而且你高兴点 That's right. And cheer up.
你要错过这件惨事带来的唯一好处了 You're missing the whole silver lining in all of this.
无论你做错什么 月经都是你的免死金牌 A period is a Get Out Of Jail Free card for everything.
考试前没复习 Didn't study for a test?
"人家经痛嘛" "Oh, wah. I have cramps."
不想上体育课 Don't want to go to gym class?
"抱歉 来例假啦" "Sorry -- lady problems."
想吃掉整个大蛋糕 中途叫停不愉快的约会 Wanna eat a whole sheet cake? Shut down a bad date?
把大麻装进棉条盒子里 偷带进演唱会 Smuggle some weed into a concert in your tampon box?
不会有人检查棉条盒的 Ain't nobody looking in there.
你有什么毛病啊 What is wrong with you?!
你就想给你女儿这种建议吗 That's the advice you want to give your daughter?!
我知道 我真是糟透了 I know! I'm a disaster!
我要怎么当人妈妈 我连襁褓都不会包 How am I going to be a mother? I can't even make a swaddle!
我会养出两个废物 就像我一样 I'm gonna raise a couple losers, just like me!
不是你们的错 可爱的小笨蛋们 It's not your fault, you sweet dummies!
莉莉 Lily!
老天 你也来了 Oh, my God. You too?
我给你熬了哥伦比亚药糊 I made you a Colombian poultice.
就是那玩意发出臭味吗 我闻到想吐 Is that what stinks? It's making me sick!
我们会把药糊涂满你肚皮 We're gonna rub it all over your belly,
然后你就会好受多了 and it's gonna make you feel better.
这药膏涂到吐司上再配个煎蛋 味道也不错哦 It's also not terrible on toast with a fried egg.
外面到底有多少人 ‭How many people are out there?!
就几个来支持你的女性 Just a few supportive women.
姐妹们好啊 Hello, sisters.
我一定是发错群聊了 I must've texted the wrong thread.
请让我跟大地女神谈谈 Allow me to talk to the Earth Goddess.
莉莉 我是继小叔曼尼啦 Lily? Step-Uncle Manny's here.
珍惜这个 Cherish this.
你被赋予了创造生命的能力 You've been given the ability to create life.
每一下痉挛 每一次偏头痛都提醒你... Each cramp, each migraine should remind you --
你他妈给我滚远点 曼尼 Get the out of here, Manny!
保重 各位 Take care, everybody.
好 Yeah.
克莱尔 进来 ‭Claire, get in here.
面试进行得如何 How'd the interview go?
顺利极了 Amazing.
首先 那地方弥漫着香味 First of all, that place smells delicious.
他们当场就决定聘请我 They made me an offer on the spot.
当首席执行官 出游补贴 CEO, travel...
跟国会议员们打交道 hobnobbing with Congressmen.
我不意外 Well, I'm not surprised.
你是名出色的候选人 You're a terrific candidate.
我拒绝了 I turned them down.
为什么 Why?
首先 因为我对这里每个人还有你 Well, first of all, because I made a commitment
做出过承诺 to everyone here and to you.
而且 离开这里感觉不对 And it just... didn't feel right to leave.
你这么说 让我接下来要说的话略显尴尬 That makes what I'm about to say awkward.
我准备辞职 I'm quitting.
怎么 你有那么气我吗 Oh, wha-- You're that mad at me?
不 我听了你说的 No, I listened to what you said,
除非我让位 否则你永远不会 and you're never truly gonna be in charge
真正掌管公司 until I get out of your way.
你不必为了我这么做啊 You didn't have to do that for me.
我不只是为了你 I didn't do it just for you.
每个优秀的衣柜家都知道何时该高高挂起 Every good closet man knows when to hang it up.
我认为 我准备好迎接新挑战了 And I -- I think I'm ready for a new challenge.
爸爸 可别去搞玻璃贴膜啊 Oh, Dad, not window tinting.
做那个可好赚了 不过不是 那不适合我 It's like printing money, but no, it's not for me.
我兴奋期待的是这个 Here's what I'm excited about.
我给你看看 Let me show you. Mm.
这是什么鬼 What am I looking at?
未来 The future.
趣味狗狗床 Fun dog beds.
天啊 这就是你之前在鬼画符的菠萝 Oh, my God. This is the pineapple you were doodling.
没错 是我亲自设计的 Yes! I designed it myself!
酷 酷 Cool. Cool.
话说 药房会跟进 So, the pharmacy tracks
你吃的药如何相互影响的 对吧 how all of your medications interact, right?
克莱尔 每年 Claire, every year,
全美人民会花七百亿美元在宠物身上 people in this country spend $70 billion on their pets.
全美人民还是就你一人 People or just you?
我已经找好制造商了 I got a manufacturer lined up.
我会在网上卖 节省总开销 I'll sell them online, keep the overhead low,
去参加一些狗狗大会 超好玩的 go to a bunch of dog shows -- super fun.
如果我出售衣柜公司股份所得到的钱 And if I don't lose all the money that I made
没有赔个精光 selling my share of this place,
我就很满意了 I'm happy.
有点像一个时代的终结 对吧 It's kind of the end of an era, huh?
你确定真想这么做吗 Are you sure you want to do this?
要不是有你 我好多年前就退休了 I'd have quit years ago if you weren't here.
来工作看不到你会感觉很奇怪的 It's gonna be weird coming to work without you.
如果你太想我了 Well, if you miss me too much,
你可以来我的斯黛拉家的狗床工作啊 there'll always be a position for you at Dog Beds by Stella.
多谢了 但我觉得也是时候 Thank you, but I think maybe it is time
证明自己能独当一面了 I prove myself on my own.
你确定吗 我这生意可能会一飞冲天呢 You sure? 'Cause this could be huge.
我有无数的狗床点子 I got a million dog-bed ideas.
比如热狗面包床 太空仓窗 I got a hot-dog bun, I got a space capsule,
还有爱斯基摩人冰屋 I got an igloo.
那狗骨头形状的床呢 What about one shaped like a dog bone?
总有一天你也会跟上我的脚步 You'll get there.
莉莉怎么样了 Hey, how's Lily doing?
我压根就没帮上忙 还让情况恶化了 Well, I certainly didn't help. I only made it worse.
当我们孩子也需要我的时候 我该怎么办啊 What am I gonna do when our kids need me?
你多虑了 You're overthinking it.
等你看到他们可爱的小脸蛋向你寻求帮助时 The minute you see a sweet little face that needs you,
你的直觉就会让你知道该怎么做 your instincts will kick in, and you'll know what to do.
大家都这么说 That's what everybody keeps saying,
万一到时候不是这样怎么办 but what if it's not true?
邓菲先生 Hey, Mr. D.
你还好吗 Hey. ‭Are you okay?
我好多天没睡了 I haven't slept for days,
今天还搞砸了工作上的事 and I screwed up at work today.
肯定没有你觉得的这么糟糕啦 Oh, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think.
摄影师说这就像节目《搞砸舞台》 Well, the cameraman called it "Disaster-piece Theatre,"
然后大家都说"说到点子上啦 克莱格" and everybody was like, "Good one, Craig."
有毛病吗 没毛病 说到点子上了 克莱格 And you know what? It was. It was a good one, Craig.
没事的啦 Hey, it's okay.
我明天得再花钱 I had to rehire the crew
重新雇拍摄组来拍一次 to shoot the whole thing again tomorrow.
预算大超支 I'm way over budget.
估计也保不住这间待售屋... I'm probably gonna lose the listing --
你只是累昏头了 You're just overtired.
要不你先把眼睛闭上 Why don't you close your eyes?
迪兰 制造一点助眠的白噪音 Dylan, make some white noise.
我来试一招 I am going to try something.
挺舒服的 Oh. That's nice.
宝贝 Honey.
你越来越拿手了呢 You're getting really good at this.
你真这么觉得吗 You think so?
真的 I do.
谢谢 Thanks.
好啦 你现在就好好休息 All right. You just rest now.
一切都会船到桥头自然直 Everything's gonna be okay.
会的 Yeah. It is.
我可以停下了吗 我快缺氧晕过去了 Can I stop now? I'm gonna pass out.
我们可以撬开锁然后把她弄出来 We could just pick the lock and get her out of there.
然后呢 她出来了也不会想跟我们说话 And then what? She doesn't want to talk to us.
她从小就从不跟我们谈 我们以前也没停过手 She never wants to talk to us. That hasn't stopped us before.
我们这次停手 We're only letting it now
只不过是因为自己觉得话题尴尬罢了 because we're uncomfortable, right?
很明显是你说的这样 Obviously, you're right.
不然我为什么会大吃特吃歌洛莉亚的药糊 Why else would I be devouring Gloria's poultice?
我决定了 You know what?
来吧 我们是她爸爸 Come on. We're her dads.
我们会想出办法的 We'll figure something out.
亲爱的 Hey, honey?
大家都走啦 Everyone's gone.
对不起 我们让你羞耻了 And we're sorry we embarrassed you.
我们就不应该拉这么多人来参与... We should've never included all those people into...
这件事情 this situation.
尽管我们是男生 不代表我们... And just because we're boys doesn't mean we --
我们就不能陪你谈你首次... we can't talk you through your first...
"子宫内膜脱落" "Sloughing off of your endometrial tissue."
是啊"这通常会持续二到.... Yeah, "Which typically lasts between two and...
-七天" -七天吗 - seven days"? ‭- Seven?
-天啊 -要人命了 - Oh, my God. ‭- That's crazy.
听我说 莉莉 你从小到大 一直都... Look, Lily, your whole life, it's been --
一直都是我们三个人一起摸索与成长 it's been the three of us figuring out stuff together.
对啊 你忘了吗 在你二年级的时候 Yeah, don't you remember in the -- in the second grade,
你哭着回家 因为同学朱莉·关 when you came home crying because Julie Kwan made fun
取笑你的瑞奇·马丁热单午餐盒吗 of your Ricky Martin "She Bangs" lunch box?
知名拉丁同性恋男歌手 广受同性恋喜爱
你一开始也不想聊 但后来怎么着 You didn't want to talk about that, but then,
你最后跟我们聊了之后 不是好受许多吗 when you finally did, you felt better.
对啊 你... 你不用自己独自面对这一切 Yeah, you -- you don't have to figure this out alone.
我们或许没有跟你一模一样的经历 Yeah, we may not have gone through the exact same thing,
但你知道吗 在七年级的时候 but, you know, in the seventh grade,
我们男生的身体也会起变化啊 our bodies started changing, too.
我是六年级开始的 Sixth for me.
这又不是比赛 It's not a competition.
而那些改变 And those changes...
也很让我们困惑 they were confusing.
是啊 它们让人感到困窘又可怕 Yeah, they were con-- confusing and scary
但也很... and also, um...
令人兴奋 因为... exciting because, um...
那也表示你在长大 莉莉 you're growing up... Lily.
我们是你的父母 And we're your parents, okay?
我们肯定会犯错 We are gonna make mistakes,
我们也不知道所有问题的答案 and we are not gonna have all the answers,
但当你想要聊问题与困难的时候 but when you do want to talk about it,
我们... 我们都会在这陪你 we're -- we're here for you.
是的 Yeah.
我们爱你 We love you.
糟糕 伟大的魔术师睡迪尼来了 Uh-oh. Here comes The Great Snoozedini.
在你们面前有三个普通的杯子 You see before you three ordinary cups.
可以在任何人家里厨房找到的杯子 Cups you'd find in any kitchen.
没有任何特殊的地方 Nothing magical about them.
现在我们拿起一个新的土豆 Here, we have one new potato.
请紧盯放了土豆的杯子 Keep your eye on the cup with the potato.
有外地来看表演的朋友吗 Anybody here from out of town?
不忍直视 我们该不该把他叫醒啊 I feel bad. Should we wake him up?
等我们找到土豆在哪个杯子里再叫醒他 Not until we find out where the potato is.
是在那个杯子里吧 It's under that one, right?
土豆在这个杯子里吗 Is the potato here?
这个魔术好... Oh, this trick is a real...
柠檬啊 lemon.
大家晚安 Good night everyone.
太厉害了 Amazing.