m 211 -8 b 217 -6 217 -4 217 -2 l 217 24 b 217 26 217 29 211 31 l 31 31 b 26 29 26 26 26 24 l 26 -2 b 26 -4 26 -6 31 -8
m 50 0 l 179 0 b 208 0 229 21 229 50 l 229 179 b 229 208 208 228 179 228 l 50 228 b 21 228 0 208 0 179 l 0 50 b 0 21 21 0 50 0
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原创翻译 双语字幕
最新连载海外影视剧下载 请登陆 www.YYeTs.com 仅供交流学习 禁止商用盈利
m 200 -1 l 200 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
m 38 -1 l 44 6 l 38 13 l 19 13 b 14 12 14 6 14 6 b 14 6 14 0 19 -1
翻译 Flora哎呀呀 洗七里 油腻希
翻译 @少年影视派
校对 伊森泽生 @新浪微博赛太公
时间轴 三水
后期 一上班就等下班的瓜瓜
总监 生无可恋瓜
家 庭
摩 登
第十季 第十八集
我累了 I'm beat.
你能关一下灯吗 Can you turn off the light?
好 稍等一下 Yeah, just give me a second.
5 4 3 5...4...3...
2 1 2...1.
你错过我们的纪念日了 You missed our anniversary.
不错啊 挺好吃的 Wow, that's pretty good.
不是吧 Oh, no.
亲爱的 熟食店提醒过你里面的辣椒了 Honey, the deli warned you about those peppers.
我以为他们是故意夸张的 I thought they were exaggerating.
或许他们的熏牛肉的确是世上最好吃的 Maybe they do have the world's best pastrami.
好丰盛的食物 谁要来啊 That's a lot of food. Who's coming?
卢克 迪兰 还有比尔 Luke, Dylan, and Bill.
得让我的男团们在观看本世纪最精彩的 Gotta keep my posse in meat while we watch two top fighters
付费点击格斗赛时 一直有肉吃 battling in the pay-per-view event of the century.
看终极格斗赛可不像你的风格 That is so unlike you to watch Ultimate Fighting.
净瞎说 我喜欢看格斗赛 That's insane. I love a good battle.
拳击 综合格斗 Boxing, MMA --
-对口型假唱赛 -那也很残暴的好嘛 - Lip Sync. - ‭Which get brutal.
我希望能成为这个家里 I want to be a role model
下一代男性的榜样 to this family's next generation of men.
所以我举办了一个格斗之夜 So, I'm hosting a fight night
和卢克 迪兰 还有艾丽克斯的男朋友比尔一起 with, uh, Luke, Dylan, and Alex's boyfriend, Bill,
我将在这一过程中 where I will begin the process
激励他们 启迪智慧 of inspiring them and imparting wisdom.
我觉得他们将不得不听我的 I figure they have to listen to me.
我给卢克出油钱 I pay for Luke's gas,
而另外两个对我的女儿们做了不可描述的事 and the other two do unspeakable things to my daughters.
那请问谁是格斗之夜的王牌呢 So, who's the top card on the fight tonight?
我只能说是一个拉丁人 I'm gonna say a Latin guy...
和一个俄罗斯人 and a Russian.
赛事只是让我的男团们入门的引子 The fight just gets my boys in the door.
我经历的各种了不起的事 What's gonna knock them out is when I wow them
才是让他们震撼的重点内容 with all the amazing things I've lived through.
-感觉要听睡着 -我讲故事才不会 - Snooze. - Not the way I do it.
我把比利·乔的《不是我们点的火》歌词升级了一下 I've updated the lyrics to billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."
不是谁都能将"野马追捕"[出自辛普森案]‭It's not everyone who can rhyme
和"飞跃情海"进行押韵的 "Bronco chase" With "Melrose Place."
我还没找到能和"迈克尔·贝" I still can't find any '90s thing
押韵的90年代的名词 that rhymes with "Michael Bay."
博士德瑞 艾伦出柜 千年虫... Dr. Dre, Ellen's gay, Y2K --
你没什么地方要去吗 Don't you have someplace to be?
今晚是男孩之夜 女士勿扰 It's boys' night, no chicks allowed.
嘻哈乐队 《土拨鼠之日》 塔米·菲 Kid 'N Play, "Groundhog Day," Tammy Faye...
喂 Hello.
请讲 Speaking.
好 我当然不会挂断 Yes, of course I'll hold.
歌洛莉亚 是快购频道 Gloria, it's CalShopTV.
我觉得他们要邀请我出镜去卖狗床 I think they're gonna give me a slot to sell my dog beds.
快购频道 CalShopTV?
南部地区首屈一指的购物电视网 The Southland's premier shopping network?
我总是看这个节目 I watch it all the time.
我所有的朋友也都看 And so do all my friends.
这是个大好机会 歌洛莉亚 This is big time, Gloria.
大家总是在那里买乱七八糟的东西 People buy all sorts of crap on there.
话说 我终于有机会用我的假发喷雾了 Hey, I'll finally get to use my spray-on hair!
太好了 Great,
你的人生真是到达了巅峰 it's all coming together for you.
这等的时间有点长啊 This is a long time to be on hold.
我听詹姆斯·泰勒的声音从没这么紧张过 I've never been this stressed out listening to James Taylor.
挂了吧 如果是好消息 Hang up. If it's good news,
-他们会回拨的 -你说"如果"是什么意思 - they're gonna call you back. - What do you mean "If"?
肯定会是好消息 对吧 It's gotta be good news, right? I mean...
我是说 同意一下不会需要这么久吧 I mean, it shouldn't take this long for a "Yes" --
难道他们是打过来拒绝的 Are they calling to say "No"?
难道这些狗混蛋想拒绝我 Are these sons of bitches rejecting me?
说得好像我稀罕这个三流的... Like I need this cheesy, third-rate --
没错 我还在听 Yes, I'm still here.
今晚吗 当然好 到时候见 Tonight? Of course! I'll see you then!
歌洛莉亚 他们想要我 Gloria, they want me!
是晚上十点的黄金时间档 It's the primo 10:00 p.m. slot
那个时候人们正喝多了乱做决定 exactly when people are drunk enough to make bad decisions,
但又不至于醉到认不出 but not so drunk they can't read
信用卡后面的数字 the back of their credit cards.
你知道今晚最酷的行为应该是什么吗 You know what would be the coolest move ever?
你可以先不告诉任何人你要上电视 If you don't tell anyone that you're doing it.
之后再告诉他们 Tell them after.
就像"是啦 我上电视了 没什么了不起的" Be like, "Yeah, I was on TV, whatever."
-纪念日快乐 -吓死我了 - Happy anniversary! - ‭Oh, my gosh.
真的很抱歉我昨天忘记了 I'm -- I'm so sorry I forgot yesterday, um,
但是我很爱你 我希望 but I love you, and I hope that
这能弥补 this makes up for it.
谢谢你 你 米奇尔 Oh, thank you, you did-- Mitchell --
一个皮带扣 我太喜欢了 A belt buckle, I love it!
你看 我本来以为这是个子宫 Yeah, see, I thought this was a uterus,
不过他们说这是个长角牛 but they told me it's a longhorn.
没错 德克萨斯长角牛 Yeah, a Texas longhorn.
不 就是普通长角牛 No, just a longhorn.
我觉得你今晚跳排舞的时候可以戴着 I thought you could wear it line dancing tonight.
你确定真的不跟我一起去吗 Are you sure I can't convince you to come?
今晚长岛冰茶和迷情俄克拉荷马 You know, it's two-for-one Alabama Slammers
-可是买一赠一哦 -我还是在家吧 - and Oklahoma Comas. - You know, I'd rather stay here
喝点免费的酒 起码结局不会太惨 and have a free drink without a sad ending.
男孩之夜 Boys' night!
跟在高中和大学时不一样 Unlike in high school and most of college,
-你们是主动来的 -开瓶器在哪里 - by choice. - Where's the opener?
不需要开瓶器也能打开的 拿过来 You don't need an opener. Hand it over.
让我演示下以前是怎么开啤酒的 Let me show you how it used to be done.
天 完蛋了 Oh, dear God.
谁也不许告诉克莱尔这是我干的 No one tell Claire I did that.
你还记得我那个叫科里的朋友 You know my friend Corey
来我们家的时候把灯弄坏了吗 who comes over here and broke that lamp?
没有科里这个人 把错推在他身上好了 There is no Corey. We'll blame it on him.
好的 Okay.
我在森林里的一根木头上学会的这招 I learned that trick on a log in the woods.
当时我正和我的摩托伙伴出去玩 I was, uh, hanging out with my biker buddies.
我们正骑着... We'd just pedaled out --
你知道有一次我在森林里遇上什么了吗 You know what happened to me in the woods once?
我拿着弓箭在打猎 结果恐怖的暴风雪来了 I was bow hunting, this freak blizzard hits.
我不得不剖开一头麋鹿 I had to literally cut open an elk,
把内脏清出来 躲进去一整晚 clean his guts out, climb inside for the whole night
才不至于被冻死 just to keep from freezing.
天啊 不可能吧 Wow. ‭No way.
我有一次发现了一个鸟窝 I once found a bird's nest
就在地上 真事 on the ground. True story.
然后呢 后来怎么样了 比尔 So, then what happened, Bill?
小心点 我爸之前尝了尝 Oh, be careful. My dad tried one of those earlier
我妈说他辣哭了 and my mom said he cried.
我没哭 是我的眼睛流汗了 I didn't cry. That was sweat from my eyes.
-我就尝一个 -不要啊 比尔 - I mean, I'll try one. - ‭No, don't, Bill.
我已经把解辣的牛奶喝完了 I drank all the milk!
少点东西 我觉得需要加点辣酱 Missing something. I think it needs some Tabasco.
比尔 你真是猛男 Bill, you're the man.
没有啦 算不上 我都不算这里最猛的 Come on, hardly. I'm not even the man here.
好吧 谢谢你 比尔 Oh, well, thank you, Bill.
迪兰 你来讲讲你几天前 Dylan, tell them about that life you saved
在医院救的那个人 at the hospital the other night.
我从来没想过能见到 Oh, I never thought I'd see
脖子里插了根高尔夫球杆的人 someone with a golf club through his neck --
行了 别拿迪兰跟鸟窝比了 Come on, let's not make Dylan compete with bird's nest.
格斗时间到 先生们 It's fight time, gents,
邓菲老爹献给各位的大礼 courtesy of Big Daddy Dunphy!
你们不用每个人 No need for each of you
给我转19美金 我来出钱 to Venmo me $19. I got this.
一切都 都挺好的 Things are, uh -- Things are going well.
计次收费节目
等等 怎么回事 Wait, what's -- what's going on?
-我买了这个节目的啊 -点击"已购买" - I bought the fight. - Go to "Purchases."
最近购买
爸 你没买综合格斗赛 Dad, you didn't buy MMA.
你买的是《妈妈咪呀》 You bought "Mamma Mia."
我怎么会买《妈妈咪呀》 ‭Why would I buy "Mamma Mia"?
我都看过三次 我是说... I've seen it, like, three ti-- I mean...
你们想看看我拿手机拍的 Well, you guys want to see a video I took on my phone
某个人的车爆炸的视频吗 of a guy's car exploding?
好啊 Yeah.
看看这个 Check this out.
米格酒吧
我只是想说 I'm just saying,
作为一个在谷仓里出生的人 as someone who was actually born in a barn,
-那种刻板印象太不公平了 -没错 - that's an unfair stereotype. - ‭Okay, yes.
不好意思 I'm sorry.
别一起回头 Don't all turn at once.
正门进来一个装模作样的家伙 Comin' in the front door, poser alert.
-在哪 -那身装扮真难看 - Where? - ‭Oh, that is a bad look.
他帽子上的标价牌好像还没摘 Oh, is that a price tag still on his hat?
老天爷 我觉得他是今天刚买的 Oh, Lord. I think he bought it today.
他过来了 他过来了 两点钟方向 Here he comes. Here he comes. 2:00.
你的两点还是我的两点 Your 2:00 or mine?
-老天 是我的 -小卡 - Oh, God, it's mine. - Cam!
惊喜哦 Surprise!
-你认识他吗 -略熟 - Do you know him? - A little.
客服 Representative.
邓菲 Dunphy.
邓 菲 Dun-phy.
邓[结束] 不 Dun-- No.
不不不 我还没结束 No, no, no. I'm not done.
我还没说完 拜托 I'm not done! Come on!
基本满意 Somewhat satisfied.
给有线电视公司打电话打不通 I couldn't get through to the cable company.
我不得不随机应变 I had to think fast --
这些小伙子是来看对战的 these guys were here to watch a fight,
所以我决定让他们看史上最精彩的对战 so I decided to show them the most epic battle of all time.
上蜡 Wax on...
这个叫丹尼尔的家伙会被揍个半死 This Daniel dude is about to get his ass kicked.
他根本没受过真正的训练 He's had no real training.
你得做俯卧撑 有氧运动 You gotta do push-ups, cardio...
给车上蜡 Waxing a car?
我们在消防站都是这么耍菜鸟的 That's how we haze the probies at the firehouse.
是啊 这孩子为什么一直听这疯老头的 Yeah, why's the kid still listening to that crazy old man?
他不是疯子 他是智者 He's not crazy, he's wise.
在以前 年轻人是很尊重师长的 There was a time when young people respected mentorship.
看起来那老家伙只是在利用他做杂务 Seems like he's just using him to do chores.
天呐 他又在做稻草人姿势了 Oh, God, he's doing that scarecrow move again.
为什么 一点也不稳 Why? It's completely wobbly
不可能达到平衡 and you can't get any leverage.
那叫起重机式 是无敌的 It's called the crane and it's unstoppable.
我看不像是无敌的 I don't know about unstoppable.
那是个精巧的招式 利用人的优雅 It's a sophisticated move that uses the grace of the human --
别推啊 Well, don't do that.
瞧 这老家伙根本就是胡说八道 See? The old dude has no idea what he's talking about.
别再叫他老家伙了 他和我一个年纪 Stop calling him the old dude. He's my age!
他只是想教导一下年轻人 And he's just trying to shape a young mind!
好了 这就对了 Oh, wow, there we go.
你来了我真高兴 你这么做真贴心 I'm so happy you're here. Such a sweet gesture.
天啊 看看你的新靴子 My gosh, and look at your new boots.
-看看这双靴子 -是啊 - Look at those boots. - ‭Yeah.
闪亮亮的蓝色 So shiny and blue.
总之 亲爱的 要知道 Anyway, honey, you know,
你看起来有点像现学现卖的牛仔 you're looking just a little bit store-bought cowboy...
所以不如收敛一点 so maybe lose something...
真丢人 这就脱 That's embarrassing. There we go.
下面还有穗子 我的天 Oh, more fringe. Wow. Oh, my gosh.
穿着这身让我觉得自己像蒂娜·特纳 I feel like Tina Turner with all this, you know?
乡下人不甩穗子 Country folk don't shimmy.
-不甩吗 你确定吗 -别甩了 - They don't? Are you sure? - Stop shimmying. Stop.
好吧 我还在学习 Okay, okay. Still learning.
但你看 我 Uh, but look. I, uh --
我买了皮带扣 和你的一样 I bought a buckle, huh? Just like yours?
-我... -你的呢 - Oh, I... - ‭Where is it?
是这样的 那个太华丽了 W-Well, you know what? It's so fancy,
我不想在朋友面前炫耀 and I didn't want to show off in front of my friends.
他们日子过得没我们好 所以... They're not as well off as we are, so...
排好队 狗崽子们 Line 'em up, little doggies!
我想我能和你跳支舞 Reckon I can have this dance?
是排舞 很复杂的 Well, it's a line dance. It's very complicated.
我现学 记不记得我上次 Well, I'll pick it up. Remember how fast I learned
在胡娇的"成人"酒吧礼上学霍拉舞学得多快 the hora at Pepper's adult bar-mitzvah?
-特别快 -小卡 快过来 - Very fast. - Cam! Over here!
好 我们来了 All right. Yeah, here we go.
跳起来 Do it.
好吧 Okay.
就这么开跳了 Oh, it just starts.
就是这样 There it is.
-抱歉 抱歉 -没关系 - Sorry, sorry. - ‭It's okay.
米奇尔 动作快点 Mitchell, scoot your boot.
-抱歉 -米奇尔 该往那边 - Sorry. - ‭Mitchell, it's that way.
-好 抱歉 抱歉 -我的天 - Okay, sorry. Okay, sorry. - Oh, my gosh!
-抱歉 是我跳错了吗 -我的天 - I'm sorry, was that me? Was that me? - Oh, my gosh!
米奇尔 米奇尔 快起来 Mitchell! Mitchell! Come on.
-拉我一把 帮帮我 -找找抓地力 - Help me up, help me up, help me up. - Get some traction.
用你的马刺 用马刺抓地 Use your spurs! Dig 'em into the floor.
站起身来 牛仔 Get your feet under you, cowboy.
我明白了 原来马刺是这个用途 Okay, I got it. That's what the spurs are for.
好了 好了 All right. ‭All right.
-不好意思 借过 -抱歉 - Excuse us. Promenade. - Sorry.
你觉得他们接下来会跳霍拉舞吗 Do you think they'll be doing the hora next?
话说 你把莉莉一个人丢在家里 Y-you know what? I'm-I'm-I'm not really comfortable
我不太放心 with you leaving Lily home alone.
她不是一个人在家 Oh, she's not home alone.
我叫克莱尔去照看她了 I have Claire watching her.
真的吗 我从没见她俩说过话 Really? I-I've never seen those two talk.
我很怕莉莉 I'm afraid of Lily.
我知道这话听起来很歹毒 I know that sounds horrible.
我的意思是 What I mean to say is
最近见她坐在那安静地盯着我 评判我 that lately I am unnerved by the way she'll just sit there,
会让我很不自在 quietly staring, judging me.
所以往好听了说 So, to put it in kinder terms,
我害怕莉莉 I'm afraid of Lily.
-克莱尔姑妈 -怎么 - Aunt Claire? - ‭Yes?
怎么了 亲爱的 What, honey?
你为什么不喜欢我 Why don't you like me?
什么 我喜欢你啊 What? I like you.
我爱你 I-I love you.
事实上 我还告诉所有人 In fact, I told everyone
我今晚来照看你 这样他们 I was watching you tonight so they --
他们都知道我在哪 they all know where I am.
我还以为你不喜欢我 I kind of thought you didn't like me.
你为什么这么想 What gave you that idea?
因为你很少跟我说话 Because you don't really talk to me,
你总用那种眼神看我 and you shoot me these looks,
我觉得你在评判我 and I feel like you're judging.
我在你身边很紧张 因为你很酷 I get nervous around you 'cause you're so cool.
这话真贴心 That's really sweet.
等等 你是在损我吗 Wait, are you being mean?
不是 为什么人们总这样问我 No. Why does everyone always ask me that?
好多年没人说过我酷了 No one has called me cool in years.
从没说过 Ever...
我很喜欢你不在乎的样子 I love the way you don't give a damn.
我确实是个我行我素的人 Well, I do play by my own rules.
你想做什么就做什么 You do what you want.
你不在乎会惹怒谁 或是别人对你的看法 You don't care who you piss off or what anyone thinks of you.
你的称赞渐渐听起来像在损我了 This compliment is starting to sound a little bit like an insult.
都怪我那两个毒舌基老爸的影响 Well, look who I live with.
亲爱的 Honey.
这样吧 我们一起做点什么 Tell you what. Let's hang out,
了解一下彼此 找点乐子 get to know each other, do something fun.
我们用性感女生的照片在约炮软件上建个账号 Ooh, let's create a Tinder profile of a really hot girl
看看男生都给我们发什么照片 and see what pictures guys send us.
我得拿出成年人的样子 I need to be the grown-up here,
但我真的很想那样做 but I really do want to do that.
这是做什么 What's this?
曼尼和我在想 Manny and I were thinking
你该在上电视前排练一下 that you should rehearse a little bit before going on TV
到时我们的熟人都会看到你的 where people we know are gonna see you.
我不需要排练 I don't need to rehearse.
你知道我为普里契特衣柜拍过多少广告吗 Do you know how many commercials I did for Pritchett's Closets?
这是直播电视 可不是一回事 This is live TV. It's a whole different beast.
好吧 但别太过火 明白吗 Okay, but don't overdo it, all right?
我想保留新鲜感 I want to keep it fresh.
妈 你来做主持 3 2... Mom, you're the host in 3...2...
大家好 欢迎收看快购频道 Hello. Welcome to CalShopTV.
我是个趾高气扬的金发妞 动不动就被震惊了 I am a perky blonde who is easily amazed.
我是杰·普里契特 我敢说你一定以为 I'm Jay Pritchett. I'll bet you were expecting
-你将听到关于衣柜的... -好了 暂停 - to hear about closets -- - O-Okay, stop.
你为什么要提到衣柜 Why are you mentioning closets?
杰 人人都知道你是衣柜之王 Jay, everybody knows that you're the king of closets.
如果衣柜界也有名人堂 If there was a closet hall of fame,
你一定榜上有名 you would be in it.
什么叫如果 你以为我们那周末 If? What do you think we were doing
去纽约科宁是干什么 that weekend in Corning, New York?
我们别跑题 行吗 Let's just stay on topic.
并且尝试用多彩的语言来形容你的产品 And try using colorful language to describe your product
比如"惊天好用"或"美味爆棚" like "Stunning" or "Delicious."
"美味爆棚" 如果我爸听到我说这种娘炮用语 "Delicious"? If my dad heard me say that,
他一定会揍我 而我也会感激他揍了我 he'd have punched me, and I'd have been grateful.
直接开始吧 Just cue me. ‭
大家好 欢迎收看快购频道 Hello. Welcome. This is CalShopTV.
你们好吗 朋友们 如果你家有狗 How you doin', folks? If you have a dog --
不 那样太严肃了 No, no, that's too big.
不如你试试轻佻一点的 Why don't you do it like you're goofing on it?
像这样 Like, uh,
"我才不在乎什么狗床 老子可是真爷们儿" "I don't really care about dog beds. I am a man!"
你不如先制造个笑话暖场吧 Why don't you start off with something funny?
我一个同学喜欢用手臂假装放屁 A kid in my class does arm farts.
笑死个人 It's hilarious.
我们的身体真奇妙 不是吗 Our bodies, huh?
够了 我都快被你们搞晕了 Come on, guys. You're starting to get in my head.
我说 如果你觉得自己还没准备好 Well, listen, if you don't feel like you're ready for it,
不如取消上节目吧 why don't you just cancel?
总好过让自己丢脸嘛 It's better than embarrassing yourself.
你是指让你丢脸吧 You mean embarrass you.
你以为我没听见你那些刻薄评价吗 You don't think I hear your snarky comments?
你觉得狗床很蠢 我明白 You think dog beds are silly. I get it.
此刻 我需要真心看好我的人 Right now, I need people who believe in me,
所以不如你就待在家吧 so why don't you just stay home.
他真以为我会追上去吗 Did he really think I was going with him?
抱歉 多娜 你的膝盖怎么样了 I'm so sorry, Donna. H-How is your knee feeling?
我的膝盖没事 Oh, my knee's fine.
你那小个子舞伴的马刺踢到的是我的小腿 It's my shin where your little buddy's spurs got me.
是啊 米奇尔 你为什么要买马刺靴 Yeah, Mitchell, why did you get spurs?
我也是一时冲动 当时靴子就摆在收银台 It was an impulse buy. They were at the register.
好啦 各位 啤酒接力赛即将开始 All right, folks, we're about to kick off the beer relay!
-啤酒接力赛 来吧 队友们 -抱歉 各位 - Beer relay! Come on, team! - I'm sorry, guys.
我刚吃了一颗止痛药 我今晚不能喝酒了 I just took a painkiller. I am out for the night.
该死 我都为此练习一星期了 Damn it. I've been practicing for this all week.
我们知道 内特 你可能有酗酒问题 Yeah, we know, Nate. You might have a problem.
我可以代她参赛 Um, I-I could sit in for her.
-说真的吗 我想你不... -我也能一口闷啊 - Oh, seriously? I don't think... - ‭I can chug.
还记得那次 我们过安检时 Remember that time we went through security
我忘记包里还有一瓶水吗 and I forgot I had a bottle of water in my bag?
上啊 牛仔们 准备开始[装上马鞍]Come on! Come on, cowboys. Saddle up!
是这样的 米奇 多娜每次都排第一个 All right, Mitch. Donna always goes first,
所以你顶替她的位置 so you take her spot.
好的 带个好节奏 我喜欢 All right, set the pace. I love it.
好了 废物们 准备开喝 Okay, you dirtbags, let's do this.
各就位 预备 Ready...set...
-开始 -好 开战 - chug! ‭- All right, let's go!
快喝 米奇尔 加油 Chug, Mitchell, chug!
-你得一口闷 -我啤酒里的气泡是不是比别人的多 - You gotta chug. - Is it possible there's more bubbles in mine?
-不 是一样的 -没有吗 - No. It's the same, yeah. - No?
加油 米奇 Come on, Mitch!
别像婴儿一样小口嘬 Stop nursing it like a little baby!
你知道吗 内特 You know what, Nate?
我不擅长应对负面情绪 I don't respond well to negativity,
所以你们都给我收敛一点 so you can all just take that down a-a notch.
给他呐喊鼓劲吧 喝 喝 喝 Here we go. Drink, drink, drink!
-米奇尔 你得喝啊 -一口闷 快啊 - Mitchell, you have to drink! - Chug it. Come on.
赢家诞生 We got a winner!
他简直像在给自己行水刑一样 It's like he's waterboarding himself.
我们把桶放在门上面 刚好放稳了 We balance this bucket on the top of the door, just so,
等你大爸小爸一进门 and when your dads come home,
水就兜头盖脸淋下去 spills water on them.
沸腾的热水吗 Hot boiling water?
-什么 不是 -好吧 - What? No. ‭- Okay.
用冷水应该也挺好玩的 I guess it's still funny.
你是说这是酷的人 And you're saying this is a cool thing
会做的酷事吗 that cool people would do?
莉莉 我没法对你说谎 Lily, I can't lie to you.
这一点都不酷 我也不酷 It's not cool, and neither am I.
流动餐车让我紧张 Food trucks make me nervous.
我会留语音留言 I leave voicemails.
比起音乐电视台 我更喜欢天气台 I prefer The Weather Channel to MTV.
音乐电视台现在还酷吗 Is MTV still cool?
我从来没听过 I've never heard of it.
我根本不酷 I am not cool.
我觉得我也不酷 I don't think I'm cool, either.
或许那就是我们的共同之处 Maybe that's our thing.
也许我们可以一起做不酷的人 Maybe we can be uncool together.
听起来不错 That sounds nice. ‭
只是当我和朋友们一起时 我会假装不认识你 Except when I'm with my friends, then I don't know you.
我尊重这个决定 I respect that.
你知道什么才好玩吗 You know what would be fun?
往桶里装满蜘蛛 Filling the bucket with spiders.
你可能需要去看心理医生 You might need help.
爸 你是不是又吃了一个辣椒 Dad? Did you eat another pepper?
-没有 -不是因为辣椒 - No. - It's not about the pepper.
你是气我们取笑那部电影 对吧 You're upset we made fun of the movie, aren't you?
我们这代人就这样 Hey, that's just what our generation does.
我们拿让我们害怕的事物开玩笑 We goof on things that scare us
恰恰因为我们很喜欢它们 because of how much we love them.
没错 我们真希望那部电影有续集 Yeah. We wish there was a sequel.
其实有两部续集 There's actually two.
白痴 我可不要再看一部 Idiot. I'm not watching another one.
邓先生 我知道 Mr. D, I know that this might
这听起来也许很疯狂 sound like the craziest thing ever,
但你生气是不是因为你想视自己为 but are you upset because you want to see yourself
-我们的宫保师父 -那也太蠢了吧 - as our Mr. Miata? - That's just dumb.
是啊 别浪费我们一次猜测机会 Yeah, don't waste one of our guesses on that.
-是宫城 -我就说吧 - It's Miyagi. - ‭Told you.
这话说出来很荒谬 It's ridiculous to say this out loud,
但我可能就是想做个 but I guess I just wanted to feel
能让你们钦佩的人 like someone you guys could look up to.
你在说什么傻话 大家都钦佩你 What are you talking about? Everybody looks up to you.
没错 Yeah.
跟艾丽克斯约会最困难的就是... The hardest thing about dating Alex --
除了她那些高深的用词以外 well, besides all the big words --
就是知道她成长过程中 is just knowing she grew up
身边都有一个完美的男人 with a perfect guy in her life.
很难跟他竞争 It's pretty hard to compete with.
我害怕跟海莉一起养育孩子 也是因为这个 That's what scares me about having kids with Haley.
就算我是个很称职的爸爸 Even if I'm an awesome dad,
我也永远赶不上你 I'll still fall short of you.
试试当他的儿子 知道自己永远达不到期望 Try being his son, knowing you'll never measure up.
可不是轻松的事[野餐] It's no picnic.
说来也挺讽刺 因为我们常去野餐 Which is ironic, because we go on a lot of picnics.
你还是我见过最厉害的魔术师 You're also the best magician I've ever seen.
更别说是最优秀的房产经纪人 Not to mention the best real-estate agent,
最牛的派对DJ the best party deejay...
最帅气的牛仔 The best cowboy,
赌侠 中世纪骑士 riverboat gambler, medieval knight...
那些只是以前去游乐场拍的照片啦 不过... Those are just old-timey photos from amusement parks, but...
我就是很爱你们 I just love you guys, and...
所以想把我的一些人生经验传授给你们 I want to pass on some of the things that I've learned.
比如说 Like...
千万别从浣熊爪下抢走网球 never try to take a tennis ball away from a raccoon.
或是 Or...
去打网球永远不要只带一个球 never go to play tennis with just one ball.
很高兴知道这点 That is good to know.
或是类似 Or, you know, stuff like
在任何时刻都要寻找乐趣 find the fun in every moment,
在每个人身上寻找闪光点 find the good in every person,
以及 永远不要不参与玩人浪游戏 or never, ever be the one who doesn't do the wave.
那些人会孤独终老的 Those people die alone.
谢谢 邓城先生 Thanks, Mr. D-yagi.
我要再去哭一会儿 I'm gonna need another minute.
好消息 Good news.
-你没事吧 -没事 - You okay? - ‭Mm-hmm.
我刚塞给那家伙20美元 I, uh -- I just slipped the guy $20
这样我们就可以一起骑那个机械牛了 so that we could ride the mechanical bull together.
哪个家伙 因为那是个塑料做的牛 Okay, which guy? Because that's a plastic cow,
根本不会动 还有... doesn't move, and...
这后面有个X符号 显示哪边才是前面 there's an "X" at the back to tell you which is the front.
你听 节奏都慢下来了 意兴阑珊 Listen, it's starting to slow down.
-我们该走了 对吧 -是吗 - We should get going, huh? ‭- Really?
好了 各位 找到你的同伴 All right, folks, grab your partner!
美好的夜晚才刚刚开始 Night's just gettin' started.
我来叫车 I'll get us a car.
你为什么这么急着让我们离开 Why are you in such a rush to get us out of here?
是因为我吗 Is it about me?
不是 No!
是因为你夸张的服装 It's about your clothes
你拙劣的舞蹈 and your dancing
你丢人的酒量 以及... and your drinking and your --
好了 够了 我懂了 Okay, okay, okay, I get it.
你觉得我让你难堪了 You're embarrassed of me.
是你多年来一直撺掇我过来 You know, you're the one who's been asking me to come here for years.
我之前真的以为我想要你来这里 但后来 I really thought I wanted you here, but then,
当你真的来了 once you came here,
我发现我并不希望你来 I discovered that I don't really want you here.
哇 那真是太... Wow, that is beyond --
好 那我问你 Okay, well, let me ask you.
你今晚玩得开心吗 Did you have a good time tonight?
我跟你在一起啊 I was with you!
-请直接回答问题 -不开心 - Okay, answer the question. - ‭No.
不 地板很黏 这些歌我一首都没听过 No, the floor's sticky, I don't know a single song,
另外 多娜和你姐姐帕姆 简直傻傻分不清楚 and I'm not entirely sure donna isn't your sister, Pam.
亲爱的 我很感激你这么费心费力地讨我欢心 Honey, I appreciate that you went to all this trouble,
但你知道吗 but you know what?
或许我们不必事事都一起经历 Maybe we don't have to do everything together.
或许只有这样我们才能确保 Maybe that's how we'll make sure
我们还能一起过很多的纪念日 we have lots of anniversaries.
我保证以后再也不会忘记纪念日 And I promise never to forget again.
我也保证我永远不会再倒数 故意让你难堪 And I promise I'll never count down the seconds to shame you.
好了 先把你的皮带扣取下来吧 Okay, let's get you out of that belt buckle.
不 我没有挑逗你的意思 No, I didn't mean it in a sexy way.
丑爆了 就像从快购频道买的垃圾货 It's hideous. It looks like something you'd get off CalShopTV.
你能帮我叫个司机 回头开车送我回家吗 Um, can you call me a driver for the ride home?
嗨 你是那个卖狗床的吗 我是琳达 Hi! Are you the dog bed guy? I'm Linda.
我妻子超爱你 她今晚有事来不了 My wife loves you. She couldn't make it tonight.
我相信你一定有个很棒的妻子 卖狗床的 I'm sure you have a really nice wife, dog bed guy.
-你有什么建议吗 -说话大声点 - Do you have any advice? - Uh, talk loud.
很多观众都是在医院等候室里无聊等候的人 A lot of people are watching this in hospital waiting rooms.
一般的收视人数有多少 How big an audience do you usually get?
周六晚上吗 Saturday night?
大约三四十万吧 300,000, 400,000.
天啊 Oh, my God,
快购频道的观众朋友们 CalShopTV viewers,
我今天有份好礼要送给你们 I have a very special treat for you.
今天的嘉宾是杰·普里契特 Joining me is Jay Pritchett
他带来了最激动人心的新产品 with the most exciting new product.
对吧 杰 Right, Jay?
我是杰 I'm Jay!
太棒了 没错你就是 Whoo! Yeah, you are.
跟我说说这些可爱的新产品吧 So, tell me about these adorable little creations.
狗床 Uh, dog beds.
-狗床 -等等 你是在告诉我 - Dog beds? - Wait, so you're telling me
这个菠萝是狗床吗 this pineapple is a dog bed?
感觉此刻人生圆满了 Wh-- Well, now I've seen everything.
再多介绍一些吧 Tell me more.
就是 狗有时候会累 You know, dogs get tired...
于是就要用上这些 ...and, uh, so... these.
天啊 我感觉都是我一个人在说 Gosh, I feel like I'm doing most of the talking.
你觉得你的狗床有什么特色 How would you describe your dog beds?
"美味爆棚" Delicious?
那句是我教的 I gave him that.
杰 你还有没有什么要跟我们 Jay, anything else you'd like to share
快购频道的观众们分享的 with our CalShopTV audience?
能够让他们踊跃打电话来订购的那种 Something to get those phone lines buzzing?
快放屁 Do it.
似乎有位听众打电话来了 Oh, and it looks like we've got a caller.
你好 我是来自里弗赛德市的乔安 Hello, this is Joanne from Riverside.
我超爱狗狗 I love dogs!
你好 乔安 Hello, Joanne.
我有个问题 I have a question.
产品名字叫"斯黛拉的床" It is called, uh, Beds by Stella.
斯黛拉是谁 Who is Stella?
它是我的狗 She's my dog.
看来它是你开发这款产品的创意来源啊 I see that she's your inspiration for what you're doing.
它是什么样的狗 What kind of dog is she?
法国斗牛犬 我知道你在想什么 French bulldog. And I know what you're thinking.
因为它有法国血统 所以态度很傲慢 Uh, she's French, so she has an attitude.
法国人都很傲慢 我超爱这笑话 French people are so snooty. I love it.
但我家宝贝女儿不是这样 But not my little girl.
它很乖的 Uh, she's the salt of the Earth.
你们真应该看看我在看体育赛事时 I mean, you should see her when I sit her next to me
它坐在我旁边的乖巧样 when I'm watching sports.
我会全程将赛事解释给它听 You know, I explain the whole game to her,
那很搞笑 因为 which is funny because, you know, um,
狗是看不懂体育赛事的 dogs don't really understand sports.
是啊 那好萌 Oh, yeah, that's cute,
但我敢说跟你一起生活的人 but I bet that it's very annoying
一定觉得它很烦 for the people that live with you.
这个嘛 他们嘴上都说不爱它 Yeah, well, you know, they say they don't love her,
但我知道他们内心是爱的 but I know they do,
因为它也是家庭的一员 uh, because she's part of the family,
因此它值得拥有舒适有趣的地方用来睡觉 so she deserves a-a comfortable, fun place to sleep.
就跟你们家的狗一样 Like your dogs.
我给这一款取名叫"菠萝狗乐达" Uh, you know, I call this one the Puppy Colada,
这一款叫"流浪狗火箭" and, uh, the Rover Rocket.
这个是"狗杯蛋糕" This one here is the, uh, Pupcake.
这一款叫"电视狗" This is the Tailavision,
以及我们最新款的"泰姬玛嚎陵" and our latest creation is the Taj Mahowl!
哇 现在热线电话快被打爆了 Wow, our phones are lighting up.
谢谢你 普里契特先生 我可以感受到 Thank you, Mr. Pritchett. I can feel all the
你为这些床付出的爱和努力 love and hard work that you put into your beds.
我为你感到骄傲 I am very proud of you.
谢谢你 来自里弗赛德市的乔安 Thank you, Joanne from Riverside.
我爱你 I love you.
等等 我才反应过来这个笑点 Oh, hold on. Okay, wait. I just got it.
泰姬玛"嚎"陵 Taj Mahowl!
没错 That's it!
谢谢你 来自波莫纳的珍妮特 Thank you, Janet from Pomona,
以及你的博美犬 托尼 and to your little Pomeranian, Tony,
我只想吼一句... I'd just like to say...
我真不敢相信我会说这话 I can't believe I'm saying this,
但你或许比那个卖刀的家伙还要古怪 but you might be weirder than the knife guy.
听听 Oh, look at that.
你刚刚卖出了第一百张狗床 You just sold your hundredth dog bed.
不如来个摇尾舞吧 How 'bout a little tail wag?
你说做那就做 You don't have to ask me twice.
老天爷啊 爸 Good God, Dad.
我们可能很快就要做些艰难的决定了 We may have to make some difficult decisions soon.
等等 那就是你所说的你害怕 Wait, that's the guy you were afraid
永远无法企及的家伙吗 you couldn't live up to?
我懂的 I know.
真是个传奇 Legend.