翻译: AndreaLau 叶大葵
校对: 濑成一
我经营一家酸奶店 I run a yogurt shop.
我经营一家披萨店 I own a pizza place.
后期: pendz
帮帮我 Nathan Help me, Nathan.
我叫Nathan Fielder My name is Nathan Fielder,
压制: 肉包超人
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一 and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
学业成绩单
并且成绩优异 with really good grades.
总监: pendz
如今 我运用我的学识 Now, I'm using my knowledge
来帮助挣扎求生的小企业主 to help struggling small business owners
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功 make it in this competitive world.
改造前
改造后
面包和糕点
改造前
面包糕点
改造后
改造前
改造后
这 This...
救援 高手
电波诚译
第一季 第一集
就是救援高手 is Nathan for You.
冻酸奶是美国最受欢迎的小食之一 Frozen yogurt is one of the most popular treats in America,
所有人都喜爱享用 比如亚裔女性 enjoyed by everyone like Asian women...
或者只是附近的一位普通人 or just a regular guy in the neighborhood.
对啊 我只是一个普通人 Well, I'm just a regular guy...
正好在这附近 in the neighborhood here.
但如果你的酸奶店里空无一人 But that popularity doesn't mean much
这种受欢迎程度也没多大意义 if your yogurt shop is empty.
Nick Bautista是加州鹰岩市 Nick Bautista is the manager of Yogurt Haven
一家叫做优格港湾的酸奶店的经理 in Eagle Rock, California.
而最近 他急需客源 And lately, he's been in desperate need of customers.
优格港湾经理
如果我们能有更多客流量就好了 It would be a plus if we got more traffic going.
因此我拜访了他的店面 So I paid him a visit with some advice
并提供了一些生意上的建议 on how to help his business.
首先 你昨天有没有在店里见到一个蓄胡子的客人 Firstly, did you see someone in here with a beard yesterday?
我昨天其实没有来上班 I was actually not working yesterday.
昨天我休假 It was my day off.
那个人是我 That was me.
好吧 Okay.
- 没错 我来勘查了一下 - 哦 真不错 - Yeah, I came to scope it out. - Oh, sweet.
- 是啊 - 酷 - Yeah. - Cool.
我的任务是让优格港湾座无虚席 My mission was to fill Yogurt Haven with customers.
任务:
让商店座无虚席
而我的计划是创造一个极富话题性的疯狂新口味 My plan--a crazy new flavor that will get people talking.
计划:
新口味
这就是便便味 That flavor is poo.
口味:
便便
- 你是认真的吗 - 是啊 - Is that serious? - Yeah.
媒体最喜欢有争议性的事物 The media responds to controversy.
这我们是知道的 We know that.
我认为便便味的冻酸奶 I feel like a poo yogurt flavor
可能会成为新闻头条 might be a news story.
如果人们看报纸的话 If people read the paper,
就会给店里带来 it could bring like...
大概成千上万的顾客 hundreds of thousands of people in here maybe or--
就为了尝这个口味吗 Just to try that flavor?
没错 Yes.
便便味 Of poo.
没错 Yes.
我非常需要Nick接受我的主意 I really needed to sell my idea to Nick.
所以第一步就是真的打造出这个味道 So the first step was to actually create the new flavor.
我在网上找到了一家 I found a company online
据说可以定制任何口味的公司 that said they could custom-make any flavor.
呃 我们不能向客户说"不"
我们会努力调配客户想要的任何味道
在等待了一个星期之后 便便味终于做好了 And after a week of waiting, the flavor was ready.
所以我去了加州科默斯市的金岸实验室取样 So I went to the Gold Coast Lab in Commerce, California to pick it up.
这就是 呃 您要求的产品 This is, uh, this is what you requested.
金岸配料公司老板
我们称之为"人造粪便"风味乳剂 We call it "Artificial Feces" flavor emulsion.
- 里面有真的 - 不含有任何实际的 - Is there a real-- - There's no actual--
- 所以完全可以食用咯 - 呃 你可以吃它 - It's completely edible. - It--you could eat this.
好的 Right.
但是如果你想稀释它的话 But if you wanted to dilute it--
把它加进酸奶 Mix it into yogurt.
你可以做成酸奶 You could make yogurt.
我不想做第一个尝鲜的人 I didn't wanna be the first to try it,
但我需要知道这个味道是否准确 but I needed to know if the taste was accurate.
所以我找了一些陌生人做了一个口味测试 So I conducted a taste test with some strangers.
现在请大家尝一下你面前的冻酸奶 So I'd like everyone to try the frozen yogurt in front of you.
恶 Ugh.
- 恶心 - 尝起来像什么 - Yuck. - What does it taste like?
味道并不好 It's not good.
像薄荷 Peppermint.
- 薄荷吗 - 有点像甘草 - Peppermint? - Kinda like licorice.
甘草 没错 这个更接近 Li--oh, there's one, yeah. Closer.
- 嗯 - 好像还有其他熟悉的 - Mm. - It's got some other familiar...
味道在里面 但是我不能 flavors in there, but I can't...
你感觉尝起来像什么 What does this taste like to you?
大便 Poo.
- 我也不确定 - 真的吗 - I don't know. - Really?
是啊 的确尝起来像 Yeah, it does actually.
会让我想到 那个 What I would think of, um--
你基于什么做出了这个判断 What were you basing that on?
- 呃 很明显外表看上去就很像 - 嗯哼 - Um, clearly the look helps. - Right.
它的颜色 呃 The color. Uh...
- 很自然就 - 因为我只是 - Normal. - 'cause I was just--
很惊讶你这么快就猜到了 It was amazing how quick you got it.
- 所以我就想 哦 也许她以前就尝试过 -没 - So I was like, oh, maybe she's tried it. - No.
因为这就是根据大便开发的口味 'cause it's based on real poo.
我从没尝过 Never tried it.
其实没什么 如果你尝过你可以说出来 I mean, it's okay. You can say if you have.
我没有 I haven't.
- 真的没什么 我是说 - 不 我发誓没有 - It's not--I mean-- - No, I promise.
说真的 了解你是否真的尝过屎 Genuinely, it would help to know
会对我们很有帮助 if you actually have and it does.
不 我从来没尝过 No. No, I have not ever.
连不小心尝过都没有吗 Even by accident you're telling me?
- 没那么不小心 - 没关系的 - Not by accident. - It's okay.
- 没有 - 如果你尝过也真的没什么 - No. - It's totally fine if you have.
我从来没尝过 I have never tried it.
人们经常做怪事的 People do weird things all the time.
我向你发誓 I promise you.
我对测试结果很满意 I was happy with the results.
鉴于口味已经没问题了 And with the flavor in good shape,
是时候回优格港湾找Nick了 it was time to revisit Nick at Yogurt Haven.
- 那个 - 怎么样 - Um-- - Huh?
- 我先把它扔进 - 好的 没问题 - I'm just gonna throw this-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
所以你想怎么做 So what do you wanna do?
呃 Um...
我觉得可以试一下 We can give it a shot,
但是我不会把它放在店里卖 but I mean, it's not something I would have out here for...
超过一天 more than a day.
我们最终决定先推广两个半月 We settled on 2 1/2 months to start.
在Nick的允许下 And with nick's permission,
我们增加了这个新口味 we installed the new flavor.
下一步我想在报纸上登篇文章 Now I wanted to get an article in the paper
这意味着我要雇一名公关专家 and that meant hiring a publicist.
我约见了洛杉矶最棒的公关之一 And I got a meeting with one of L.A.'s best,
Tyler Barnett Tyler Barnett.
我认为如果你真的打算推出 I think if you really are considering implementing
Tyler Barnett公关公司总裁
一款屎味冰淇淋的话 a s**t-flavored ice cream,
那你就应该重新考虑整个宣传计划了 you should reconsider the entire campaign.
所以你不赞成吗 So you disagree?
没错 我认为这是个馊主意 Yeah, I think it's a poor idea.
如果你听说附近的冻酸奶店里 If you heard that a frozen yogurt shop in your neighborhood
新增了便便味 你不会去尝试一下吗 had a poo flavor, you're saying you wouldn't go to check it out?
不会 No.
获取关注度有更好的办法 There are better ways to get attention.
我一下子就可以想到五个 I can come up with five off the top of my head.
好啊 你说一个我听听 Okay, I'd like to hear one.
比如吃冻酸奶大赛 Frozen-yogurt-eating contest.
邀请整个街区的小孩子 Invite kids from all around the block
来店里比赛吃冻酸奶 to come and have a frozen-yogurt-eating contest.
嗯 我是不会去参加那种活动的 下一个 Okay, I would not go to that. Next one.
你知道你可以怎么做吗 You know what you could do.
你可以装上一满桶的屎味冻酸奶 You could fill a bucket full of s**t frozen yogurt
顶在头上然后站在店门口 and put it on your head and then stand outside of the store
身上挂个招牌写着 with a sign that says
"我不知道怎么做商业营销" "I don't know how to market a business"
看看会不会有人来 and see if people come.
人们可以拿着小勺子来然后 People could come with little spoons and they could--
我今天刚来的时候 When I first came today,
需要用洗手间 你把钥匙借给了我 I had to go to the bathroom and you lent me your keys.
是的 I did.
我看到你开的是保时捷 I saw that you drive a Porsche.
没错 I do.
呃 大家不是说开豪车的人 Um, don't they say people that drive nice cars
可能鸡巴比较小吗 maybe have small penises?
谁说的 Who says that?
我认为这是个众所周知的事实 I think it's a known fact.
好吧 我可以跟你保证这根本不是事实 Well, I can assure you that's not a known fact.
你怎么保证 How can you assure me?
你见过很多鸡巴吗 Do you--have you seen a lot of penises?
- 一些吧 - 一些 - Some. - Some.
我想 既然你是个鸡巴方面的专家 Since you're a penis expert, I'm assuming.
我不是鸡巴专家 你在说什么啊 I'm not a penis expert. What are you talking about?
你刚刚说了你是一名鸡巴专家 You just said that you're a penis expert.
不 我是说我见过一些鸡巴 No, I said I've seen a few penises.
我认为我没有像你一样见过足够的鸡巴去 I think I haven't seen enough penises... like you have to...
- 下那样的 - 我不明白这个数量 - make that... - I don't understand the amount--
见过多少鸡巴 Seeing the amount of penises,
和你有一个小鸡巴有什么关系 how that would have to do with you having a small penis?
很不幸 Tyler并不想接受我这个客户 Unfortunately, Tyler didn't wanna take me on as a client.
所以我选择了一个更为草根的宣传策略 So I opted for a more grassroots approach to get the word out.
喂 老妈 Yeah, mom?
糟糕 抱歉 Shoot. Sorry.
我的天啊 Oh, my god.
- 不好意思 能请你 - 哦 我帮你 - Sorry, please--oh. - Oh, here.
- 不用了 没关系 - 给你 - No, it's okay. - Here.
抱歉 我没有手捡了 No, sorry, my hands are full.
没事 不用客气 Yeah, it's not a problem.
我刚刚在跟我妈讲有家冻酸奶店里 I was just telling my mom there's this frozen yogurt shop
- 有一款疯狂的口味 - 嗯哼 - that has this crazy flavor. - Uh-huh.
好像是便便味酸奶 It's like a poo flavor yogurt.
我正在跟她说这个 I was just telling her.
所以才把东西掉了 So I was dropping all my stuff.
你应该去那家店看看 再见 You should check it out. See ya.
我的计划奏效了 My plan was working,
人们蜂拥到店里 and people were flocking to the store
去尝试新口味 to check out the new flavor.
你点了哪些口味的 So what flavors did you get?
我选了香草 欧式原味 I got the vanilla, the euro tart,
还有便便味 and the poo flavor.
哦 便便味吗 那是我最讨厌的味道 Oh, the poo. That was my least favorite.
我的计划大获成功 It was a success.
正如我预测的那样 店里座无虚席 And like I predicted, the store was full.
而在商业世界里 这才是最重要的 And in the world of business, that's all that matters.
但正当我以为我的使命已经完成的时候 But just when I thought my job was done,
第二天我又拜访了Nick the next day I paid Nick a visit
并给他出了个更好的主意 with an even better idea.
我昨晚去了一家餐厅吃晚餐 I went for dinner last night at a restaurant.
当我正在吃的时候我看见一些 And while I was eating, I saw some--
地板上有一些貌似是老鼠屎的东西 I think, like, rat poop on the ground.
把我恶心到无法继续用餐 And I was so disgusted I couldn't finish my meal.
所以我就在想 So I was thinking,
我不确定把和大便有关的东西 I'm not sure if it's a good idea
放在提供食物的地方是一个好主意 to have something poo-related in a place that serves food.
这就是我想说的啊 That's what I was trying to say...
- 从一开始就是 - 好吧 - from the very beginning. - Right.
不管怎么样 我只想来给你这个建议 Anyways, I just wanted to give you that advice.
所以 不用谢 So...you're welcome, and--
呃 谢谢你 那个 Uh, thank you. I mean--
保重 Take care.
嗯 如果 I mean, if--
如果你什么时候想一起出去玩的话 Yeah, if you wanna hang out some time outside.
- 呃 - 我也不知道 - Uh-- - I don't know.
没关系的 It's fine.
- 我们并不是非得交朋友 - 这个 好吧 - We don't have to. - Yeah, okay.
本店不再出售 便便味酸奶
每个人都在谈论优秀大学教育的重要性 Everybody talks about the importance of a good college education.
但这么多年来 我发现头脑是否聪明 But over the years, I've discovered that being smart
与成不成功并无太大关系 has very little to do with success.
那你要问了 什么更重要呢 What's more important, you ask?
自信 Confidence.
如果你不相信 我这就证明给你看 And if you don't believe me, I'll prove it.
我在一家知名律所预约了一场工作面试 I arranged a job interview at a reputable law firm.
他们允许我们用摄影机进行拍摄 They allowed us to film with our cameras,
但他们不知道的是 but what they don't know
我在面试里说出的每句话 is that every word I say in the interview
都将由一位七岁的小男孩决定 will be decided by a seven-year-old boy.
这是Amir 他喜欢橙色 This is Amir, and he loves the color orange.
7岁男孩
我最喜欢的颜色是橙色 因为 My favorite color is orange because--
因为橙色 它可以 Because orange-- it could--
那么如果我只说Amir通过隐藏耳机 So by only saying what Amir tells me to say
指示我说的话 through this hidden earpiece,
也就是赋予了我七岁小孩的智力 ostensibly giving me the brain of a seven-year-old,
我能只凭自信获得这份重要的工作吗 can I land this high-powered job based on confidence alone?
答案马上揭晓 Well, you're about to find out.
我们这里的工作主要就是在法庭上 What we actually do here is we file a lot of documents
提交许多文件 比如动议啊 in the court, motions.
为什么你想在律所里工作 Why would you wanna work in a law firm?
因为它说"没有坏蛋" Because it says "No bad guys."
因为它说不会再有坏蛋 Because it says there's no bad guys.
然后就没有坏蛋能去那个镇子 And so no bad guys could come in that town.
所以没有坏蛋能去那个镇子 So no bad guys could come in that town.
呃 Um...
下个问题是什么 What's the next question?
好吧 Okay.
你在这个领域有什么经验 What kind of experience do you have in this field?
- 意思什么 - 意思什么 - What that means. - What that means.
法律相关经验 Legal experience.
我们能不能不回答这个问题 Could we just not do this question?
我们能不能不回答这个问题 Can we not do that question?
好啊 Okay.
你知道怎么在法庭上提交文件吗 Do you know how to file documents in the courts?
- 你喜欢玩滑板吗 - 你喜欢玩滑板吗 - Do you like skateboarding? - Do you like skateboarding?
不 我不喜欢玩滑板 No, I don't like skateboarding,
但我问了你一个问题 But I asked you a question.
我们能跳过吗 Can we move on?
好吧 Okay.
看来我的面试非常成功 It seemed like I was nailing the interview.
结束时 我让Castanita小姐简单做了个评价 And at the end, I asked Ms. Castanita for an evaluation.
好了 我知道刚刚是个模拟面试 All right, so I know that was a mock interview.
但如果这是一份真的工作 But if that was a real job,
根据你看到的表现 你会聘用我吗 would you have hired me based on what you saw?
- 不会 - 但是有可能吗 - No. - But maybe?
没有 No.
但还是有可能的 对吗 But maybe though, right?
也许吧 Maybe.
哇哦 我竟然靠一个七岁小孩的口才拿下了一个律所的工作 Wow. I just landed a job at a law firm using the words of a seven-year-old
仅仅因为我自信 by acting confident.
但如果不是一个天真的小孩 But what if, instead of an innocent kid,
而是一个纯粹想拆我台的混球呢 It was a jerk who was actually trying to sabotage me?
所以我又去了另一个面试 So I headed into another job interview,
这次是在迪尔贝克房地产公司 This time at Dilbeck Real Estate
面试官是顶级代理人West De Young with top agent West De Young.
我的朋友John收到指令 My friend John has been instructed
要让我得到这份工作的可能性越小越好 to make it as hard as possible for me to get the job.
那么我的自信能帮我渡过这个难关吗 So will my confidence be enough to overcome that?
你好 我是Nathan Hi, I'm Nathan.
West De Young West De Young.
West 就是西边那个词 West. Like the direction.
- 哈哈 - 哈哈 - Ha Ha. - Ha Ha.
很高兴见到你 Nice to meet you.
你可以叫我Nathan You can call me Nathan,
或者你可以叫我的昵称 N字(黑鬼) or you can call me by my nickname, the "N" Word.
嗯 你可以叫我Nathan Well, you can call me Nathan,
或者你可以叫我的昵称 N字(黑鬼) or you can call me by my nickname, the "N" Word.
好吧 Okay.
- 那么 - 那么 - So-- - So--
- 那么 - 你为什么想来这工作 - So-- - What brings you here?
是什么吸引你想来这 What's your interest in coming in?
我喜欢的工作就像我喜欢的女人一样 简单好上手 Well, I like my jobs like I like my women--easy.
我喜欢的工作就像我喜欢的女人一样 I like my jobs like I like my women.
- 那是什么意思 - 简单好上手 - and how is that? - easy.
我喜欢你的酒窝 I like your dimples.
但你没回答我 你有什么展望吗 But again, so what's your vision?
- 我喜欢你的酒窝 - 谢谢你 - I like your dimples. - Thank you.
- 我妈妈也喜欢 - 她还健在吗 - So does my mother. - Is she still alive?
- 她还健在吗 - 是的 她还在 - Is she still alive? - Yes, she is.
- 那可真不幸 - 那可真不幸 - That's too bad. - That's too bad.
- 我是说我妈妈 - 我妈妈 - I mean my mother. - My mother.
- 她死了 - 我妈妈 她死了 - She's dead. - My mother, she's dead.
她是怎么过世的 and how did she pass away?
- 死于战争 - 死于战争 - In the war. - In the war.
哪一场战争 In which war?
- 伊拉克战争 - 伊拉克的 - The Iraq war. - Iraq.
好吧 Okay.
那你妈妈是在哪个军种服的役 So what branch of the service did she serve in?
她是萨达姆·侯赛因统领的伊拉克军队那边的 She fought for the Iraqi army under Saddam Hussein.
她 呃 为伊拉克而战 She fought for...Iraq.
和美国对立 Against America.
好吧 Okay.
那好 我再向你介绍点我的情况吧 So yeah, let me tell you a little bit more about me.
那好 我再向你介绍点我的情况吧 So, yes, let me tell you a little bit more about me.
好的 Okay.
除了我对房地产事业的兴趣以外 Along with my interests in real estate,
我还猥亵儿童 I also... am a child molester.
你听到了吗 Did you hear me?
- 呃 - 我说 我还对猥亵儿童感兴趣 - Um-- - I said "I am also interested in molesting children."
我有一种无法控制的虐童冲动 What I have is an infliction that I can't control.
不 我不会说这个的 No, I'm not saying that.
我说了John让我说的百分之九十八吧 I said 98% of what John said.
但真正的成就是面试结束后 But the real accomplishment was that after the interview ended--
- 所以我们完成了一场面试 - 差不多吧 - So we've done a job interview. - Sort of.
West依然对我的自信印象深刻 West was still impressed by my confidence.
你的自信给了我 Your confidence gave me...
一个理由去认为多跟你聊一聊是值得的 a reason to think that it would be worth chatting with you more.
我两次都成功了 I was two for two.
但和之后要发生的相比 But what you just saw is nothing
你们刚刚看到的根本不算什么 compared to what's coming up later.
在披萨的世界里 派送就是王道 In the world of pizza, delivery is king.
特价外卖
别只听我这么说 But don't just take my word for it.
Tony A.在加州的凡奈斯开了一家叫谷区披萨城的店 Tony A. owns Valley Pizza Land in Van Nuys, California,
他说他超过百分之三十的生意 and he says that over 30% of his business
都是靠外卖订单 comes from delivery.
我百分之八十的生意
都是靠外卖订单
和往常一样 我在前一天戴上我的胡子去了披萨店 As usual, I went by the day before in my beard
探探情况 to scope things out.
第二天 我没戴胡子跟Tony见面了 The next day, I met up with Tony without my beard.
谷区披萨城店主
这里是谷区 于是叫谷区披萨城 This is Valley. Valley's Pizza Land.
这样啊 Right.
我们有好莱坞披萨城 So we got Hollywood Pizza Land,
还有洛杉矶披萨城 we got L.A. Pizza land.
那应该是 那上面应该有个"Y"的 It should be-- there should be a "Y" Up here.
免费派宋
哦 是啊 Yeah, yeah.
Tony向我解释了他生意的关键就是 Tony explained to me that the key to his business
保证三十五分钟之内送达 was his 35-minute delivery guarantee.
但是我有一个更好的主意 But I had an even better idea
能把他的竞争对手完全打败 that would blow his competition out of the water.
你要保证八分钟送达 You're gonna guarantee 8-minute delivery
不然就免费送一个披萨 or you get a free pizza.
是吗 不 我觉得不行 Yeah? No, I don't think so.
为什么呢 Cause why?
你在八分钟内送不到 是吗 You can't deliver in eight minutes, right?
当然不行啊 Of course not.
八分钟我披萨都做不出来 Even I can't cook the pizza for eight minutes.
- 这就是关键 - 是啊 - That's the point. - Yes.
你一定会迟到的 You'll always be late.
但他们将得到的免费披萨只有一英寸大 But the free pizza they get will be an inch big.
哦 好吧 Oh, okay.
计划是 保证八分钟送达 The plan-- 8-minute delivery guarantee.
计划:
保证8分钟送达
在这个提议下 With this offer,
Tony仍然会拿到原本订单的钱 Tony will still get the money from the original order,
而且他只需要再附赠一个超小的披萨 and he'll only have to give away a tiny pizza as the free one.
免费
如果你想说这主意超棒的话 别不好意思 Don't be shy to tell me it's a great idea.
老实说 我喜欢别人称赞我 To be honest, I love compliments.
- 是这样吗 - 是啊 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
好吧 Okay.
我做了一些宣传单页来宣传这个新促销计划 I had some flyers done up to advertise the new promotion.
哇哦 很棒 Oh, very nice.
"保证八分钟送达" "8 minute delivery guaranteed."
那你愿意试一下喽 So you're willing to give it a try?
没错 当然啦 我们要试一下 Oh, yeah. Yeah, we gonna try it. Yes.
那好 Okay.
征得Tony的同意后 And with Tony's approval,
我们印了几百份传单 We printed off hundreds of them
并把它们发放到全城的房屋和公寓楼 and had them delivered to houses and apartments all over the city.
很快就开始来电话了 Pretty soon, the calls were starting to come in,
员工们也努力把我的想法付诸检验 and the staff was hard at work putting my idea to the test.
但是因为对派送员来说 这会是个全新的情况 But because this was going to be a brand-new situation for the delivery guy,
我想帮他提前演练送货上门时可能会发生的事 I wanted to prepare him for what might happen at the front door.
- Angel - 你的名字叫Angel(天使)吗 - Angel. - Angel? Your name?
- 是的 - 你为什么叫这个名字 - Yes. - Why you have that name?
因为我妈给我取的就是这个 Um, because my mother gave it to me.
哦 好吧 Oh, okay.
所以你到客人门口的时候 So when you arrive at the front door,
你已经迟到了 You're gonna be late.
所以他们就会想要他们的免费披萨 And people are gonna be wanting their free pizza.
那我们现在来演绎一下可能会发生的情形 So maybe let's just role play what that might look like
让你心里有个底儿 so you know what to expect.
- 好吧 - 好吗 - Okay. - Okay?
是的 Yes.
- 你会来敲门 - 哦 - You would knock. - Oh.
你好 Oh, hello.
你好 我是来送披萨城的外卖的 Hi, I have a delivery for--from Pizza Land.
好的 谢谢你 Oh, yes, thank you.
你的 但是你们广告上说 "八分钟送达否则送免费披萨" Your--but your ad said "Eight minutes or a free pizza."
而你已经超过三十分钟了 And you were over 30 minutes.
这是你的免费披萨 先生 Here's your free pizza, sir.
嗯 Hmm.
这比我想象中要小得多 This is a lot smaller than what I expected.
但严格来说 But technically,
你们也没说免费披萨是多大的 You didn't specify the size of the free pizza.
所以这也算合理 非常感谢你 So this is fair. Thank you very much.
所以大概情况就会是这样 So that's probably how it will go.
然后你还是要收他们大披萨的钱 And you still need to charge them for the big pizza.
好的 Yeah.
有了足够的培训和大量待送订单 With adequate training and a backlog of orders,
是Angel出发送披萨的时候了 It was time for Angel to start delivering the pizzas.
什么是 是你的终极目标 What are your--what is your, like, ultimate goal?
成为一个艺术家 一个歌手 To be an artist, a singer.
- 一个歌手 - 是啊 - A singer? - Yeah.
*和勇士的家乡* *And the home of the brave*
美国国歌 <星条旗永不坠落>
就这样 我稍微改动了一点 Yeah, I kinda tweaked it a little bit,
变成了自己的版本 made it my own.
哇哦 真的 很不错 Yeah, that's...great.
你好 我叫Angel Hi, my name is Angel.
您订了一个大份的辣肠芝士披萨 Uh, I got an order of a large cheese and pepperoni pizza.
是那个促销送的吗
是的 Yeah.
因为你肯定超过八分钟了
给你 Here.
这是什么
这是你的免费披萨 Your free pizza.
你是来搞笑的吗
不 先生 No, sir.
你在耍我吗 Are you kidding me?
这就是你们的免费披萨吗 This is the free pizza?
"保证有免费披萨" "Guaranteed free pizza."
但上面没具体说披萨多大呀 It doesn't specifically say what size of pizza it is.
就没人跟你说什么吗 Doesn't anybody say anything to you?
这也太扯了吧 That's, like, ridiculous.
好吧 那你别想要小费了 抱歉兄弟
没关系 祝你今天愉快 That's okay. Have a good day.
我看上去像吃这个的人吗
还有14刀26美分 Along with the $14.26.
拿走你的14刀26美分披萨 告诉你的老板 Take your $14.26 and tell your boss
他妈把话说明白 别来这种虚的 To f**king 'fess up and do the right thing.
因为这么做不对 'cause that's not right.
那就是一块 那就是垃圾 That's a piece of-- that's garbage.
我什么都不想要了 谢了兄弟 I want nothing from you. Thanks, man.
保重 嘿 Be good. Hey...
开车小心 Be careful driving.
你该庆幸我没
或者别人没揍你
好吧 谢谢 All right. Thanks.
他拒收了披萨 He didn't accept the pizza.
他没有要披萨吗 He didn't take it?
- 没有 - 他付钱了吗 - At all. - Did he pay?
没有 他不想要披萨 也不想给钱 No. He wouldn't take it, he wouldn't pay for it.
他不想 他不想见到我 He wouldn't-- he doesn't wanna see me.
好吧 把你短袖给我 Here, gimme your shirt.
短袖脱下来给我 我要进去 Gimme your shirt. I'm gonna go in.
"八分钟送达否则送免费披萨" "8 minute delivery guaranteed or a free pizza."
没有说免费披萨的大小啊 It doesn't say the size of the pizza.
你知道吗 You know what?
- 你和你的披萨都拿走 - 我们只是遵守 - Take your self and your pizza-- - We're following--
你们 我也只是在遵守我的原则 You're--and I'm following my rules.
操你妈 这就是我的原则 F**k You! That's my rules.
我不会付钱的 I ain't paying.
拿走你的披萨塞自己屁眼里吧 Take your pizza and stick it up your ass.
我不想看见这个 也不想听你说话 I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna hear about it.
- 你没必要说脏话的 - 快滚吧 - You don't have to be rude. - Go away.
你大拇指上为什么有指甲油 Why do you have nail polish on your thumb?
因为我是同性恋 你有意见吗 'cause I'm gay. You got a problem with that?
咬我啊 Bite it.
怎么样 So how did it go?
他不肯付钱 我们该怎么办 He wouldn't pay. What should we do?
女孩子真的
好难理解
当她们遇到好男人的时候 When they have a great guy,
我不懂为什么她们就是不愿意和他在一起 I don't know why they don't just stay with him.
基本上 她们就想要那种对她们很差劲的男人 Basically, they want the guys who treat them horrible.
像我们这样的好男人都剩下了 Nice guys like us are left behind.
是啊 所以人们都说好男人排最后 Yeah. They say nice guys finish last.
至少我们还有披萨 At least we got our pizza.
是啊 我真的很喜欢披萨 Yes, I do love pizza.
实施了两周"八分钟送达"计划后 Two weeks after implementing the delivery guarantee,
我回到谷区披萨城 I went back to Valley Pizza Land
看看生意怎么样 to see how things were going.
对我们来说八分钟远远不够 So eight minutes is not enough for us.
披萨还没准备好 所以我们回回迟到 The pizza is not ready, and we're late,
然后我们还把超小的披萨给顾客 And we give out the tiny pizza for our customers.
- 我有个分别礼物要给你 - 好的 - I have a parting gift for you. - Okay.
- 这是一堆字母Y - 好的 - Here's a bunch of Ys. - Okay.
所以万一一个掉了 你再贴一个上去就行了 So if it falls, you know, just stick another one up.
- 知道了 - 谢谢你 Tony - All right. - Thank you, Tony.
谢谢你 Thank you.
祝愿你生意兴隆 Best of luck with your business.
今晚到现在 你已经看我搞定两份工作了 So far tonight, you've seen me land jobs
用的分别是Amir和John的话 using the words of Amir and John.
但要是我的自信实验 But what if I did my confidence experiment
对象是一个永远没有机会被录用的人呢 with someone who had no chance of ever getting hired?
比如Ted 他是一只乌龟 Like ted. He's a turtle.
乌龟
所以这一次 只用Ted说的话 So again, only using Ted's words,
我能否打动主管Ash Hamid Can I impress executive Ash Hamid enough
仅凭我的自信让我在他的公司工作吗 with my confidence to hire me at his company?
你好 我是Ash Hi. Ash.
你叫什么名字 What's your name?
我是Ash Hamid 很高兴认识你 I'm Ash Hamid. Nice to meet you.
呃 你需要手语翻译吗 Um, do you need someone with sign language?
好吧 我一直都为自己工作 Well, I always work for myself.
一旦他开始聊起来 我就知道事情在我掌握之中了 Once he started talking, I knew I was in control.
面试结束后 And afterwards,
我向他介绍了他刚才真正面试的人 I showed him who he'd really been interviewing.
这就是你刚刚雇的人 This is who you just hired.
这就是自信的力量 And that's the power of confidence.
本季预告
我很乐意被写进你的遗嘱 I would love to be included in your will.
一双D罩杯大胸对你来说是必要标准吗 Double "D" Breasts are essential for you?
肯定得占很大比重 It's gotta be substantial.
我现在的直觉是偷你东西
你为什么会偷我东西呢 Why would you steal from me?
我不知道你为什么让我
帮你把你他妈掉的钱捡起来
我在 因为我不能 我需要帮助啊 I'm--because I can't-- I need help.
有那么多钱呢 There's so much of it.
可不是嘛
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