翻译: 哈比鹰 β7 留枪
校对: 濑成一
这话说得可能有点直白 Well, not to be too forward,
今晚
后期: pendz
不过我很乐意被写进你的遗嘱里 but I would love to be included in your will.
压制: 肉包
这不太好说 I don't know.
我叫Nathan Fielder My name is Nathan Fielder,
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一 and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
总监: pendz
学业成绩单
并且成绩优异 with really good grades.
如今 我运用我的学识 Now I'm using my knowledge
来帮助挣扎求生的小型企业主 to help struggling small business owners
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功 make it in this competitive world.
改造前
改造后
面包和糕点
改造前
面包糕点
改造后
这 This...
救援 高手
电波诚译
第一季 第三集
就是救援高手 is Nathan For You.
时尚是个千亿产值的大产业 Fashion is a multi-billion-dollar industry,
但不幸的是 我们对穿衣打扮的迷恋经常意味着 but sadly, our obsession with clothing often means
人们甚至会去进行盗窃犯罪 that people will go as far as stealing
只为了把流行的式样弄到手 just to get their hands on that hot new style.
打八折
最低标价 清仓甩卖
没人比Gabrielle Romero更清楚这一点了 And no one knows this better than Gabrielle Romero,
她是一家叫穿搭硬件的服装店店长 manager of Hardwear Clothing
位于加州拉奇蒙特村 in Larchmont village, California.
穿搭硬件店长
行窃者犯案时 经常是以团伙的形式 Often times when shoplifting, they come in teams,
一般不会只有一个人 usually more than one person,
大概三人左右 usually about three people.
这是经营服装店真正黑暗的一面 It's the real dark side of running a clothing store,
但在生意当中 像这样的坏处 but often in business, a negative like this
实际上能被转变成好处 can actually be turned into a positive.
这也是我在这里的原因 And that's why I'm here.
人们偷东西时常见的伎俩有哪些呢 What are some of the tricks people do to steal stuff?
可以肯定的是 他们会 呃 一起行动 Um, definitely, they c-- they travel in packs.
抱歉 你在盯着我的帽子 Sorry, you were looking at my hat.
- 噢 还挺好看的 - 挺好看 真的吗 - Oh, it's okay. - Oh, okay. Is it--
真好看嘛 看起来奇怪吗 还是 Is it ok-- is it weird, or--
- 不 你的帽子吗 - 我通常不戴 - No. Your hat? - I don't normally wear...
不 它看起来很好 No, it looks good.
- 这种类型的帽子 - 我很喜欢 - this type of hat. - I like it.
没关系 我不是非要戴着它 Oh, it's okay. I don't have to wear it.
- 好吧 - 好吧 - Okay. - All right.
- 好点了吗 - 抱歉 是的 - Better? - Sorry, yeah.
所以你之前说了什么关于偷东西的 So what were you saying about shoplifting?
我记不清了 这经常发生 I don't remember. It happens.
但或许商店行窃并没有那么糟 But maybe shoplifting isn't such a bad thing.
其实在时尚圈里 好看的人引领着潮流 You see, in fashion, good-looking people are trendsetters.
所以与其阻止所有的小偷 So rather than trying to stop all shoplifters,
把吸引人的小偷放走对穿搭硬件会更有利 Hardwear can benefit by letting attractive thieves go free.
因为如果长得好看的人穿了这里的衣服 Because if attractive people wear it,
他们那些不那么有吸引力的朋友就会来买 their less attractive friends will come and buy it.
计划是 允许有吸引力的人在商店行窃 The plan--allow attractive people to shoplift.
计划:
允许有吸引力的人 在商店行窃
噢 Oh.
好吧 Okay.
你 你觉得呢 What--what do you think?
所以我们就等着一个有吸引力的人进来吗 So we just wait for an attractive person to come in?
是由我来评判他们是否迷人吗 Do I have to think they're attractive?
谁来判断呢 Who's the judge?
这就是我们要决定的 Well, that's what we have to decide.
行吧 行吧 Okay. Okay.
我得向Gabrielle证明这会起效才行 I needed to prove to Gabrielle that this would work,
所以首先 我让她和她的员工 so first, I had her and her staff
每人写一份他们觉得吸引人的特点的清单 each come up with a list of traits that they find attractive.
然后我再把那些特点整合成一份终极清单 Then later, I compiled all the traits into a master list.
衬衣上没有污渍 不算太老 新款发型 眉毛好看 不瘸 两只耳朵
现在我需要有人去帮我执行 Now I needed someone to enforce it,
所以我雇了个保安 so I hired a security guard.
- Simon吗 - 你好 很高兴见到你 - Simon? - Hi, good to meet you.
- 谢谢你出来见我 - 没问题 - Thanks so much for coming out. - Okay.
所以我们在做的事是这样的 So we're doing this thing here
我们允许人们偷走一件商品 where we're allowing people to shoplift one item,
前提是他们要足够吸引人 but only if they're attractive.
- 好的 - 我和员工 呃 列了一份清单 - Okay. - So the staff and I came up with a list of, uh,
是一些我们觉得有吸引力的人应该具备的特征 some traits that qualify a person as attractive.
好的 Right.
基本上就是 如果有人具有所有这些特征 So, basically, if someone meets all these traits,
你懂的 他们就能偷东西 you know, they're allowed to shoplift.
不然的话 你就得阻止他们 Otherwise, you have to stop them.
- 懂了 - 那就好 - Okay. - Okay.
你懂的 显然类似"胯下巨屌"这样的特点只针对男性 You know, obviously, things like "Big penis" just apply to men.
没错 Right.
一切准备就绪后 With everything in place,
我们准备好为顾客们打开大门了 we were ready to open our doors to customers.
允许店内盗窃 只要你 够吸引人 只许一件
陆续来了一些普通的客人 The normal traffic was coming in,
但我意识到人们没看到店门口的告示 but I realized that people were missing the sign out front.
所以为了以防万一 我走近每个人 So just to be safe, I went up to each person
告诉了他们本次促销活动 and told them about the promotion.
我们今天正在进行一项特别促销 We're doing a special promotion today
有吸引力的人能偷走一件商品 where attractive people are allowed to steal one item.
能直接拿走一样东西 to shoplift one item.
你在这里工作吗 You work here?
我代表这家店 I'm representing the business.
为什么你要我去偷东西 Why would you tell me to steal something?
- 这是个特别的促销活动 - 好吧 - It's a special promotion. - Okay.
计划很成功 因为有几位女士已经在偷东西了 It was working great, as several women were shoplifting items.
好了 那我走了
我要偷走这个
- 行吗
好吧
但对于Simon来说 But according to simon,
一开始的几位女士都没达到标准 the first few women just didn't make the cut.
她没付钱 She didn't pay for the item.
这很奇怪 因为这些女人很漂亮 It was strange because these women were attractive,
但接着我开始怀疑我们的保安只关心一件事 but then I began to suspect that our security guard only cared about one thing.
- 祝你今天愉快 - 谢谢 你也是 - Have a good day. - Thank you, you too.
好乳量
你觉得她怎么样 What did you think of her?
她很 呃 她很漂亮 She was, uh, she was rather pretty.
你最喜欢她哪一点 What did you like about her the most?
呃 她的体型 Uh, her figure.
她有一副很好的身材 She had, you know, a pretty--pretty good build.
这样啊 你喜欢那样吗 Oh. Do you like that?
嗯 Yes.
等等 你喜欢什么 Wait, what do you like?
呃 你懂的 她的 Um, you know, the way her--
她那样的 呃 胸 the way her b-- her chest was.
那是你最关注的地方吗 Is that what you were looking at the most?
呃 对啊 还有她很 Um, yeah. And also she was--
她的脸也挺漂亮的 Her f--her face was sort of pretty,
但不到那种特别漂亮的程度 but, you know, not-- not, like, totally pretty.
- 所以你喜欢的那部分是 - 没错 - The part you liked was-- - Yeah.
- 是 - 没错 - It was-- - Yeah.
是的 Yeah.
巨乳可不在列表上啊 Big boobs wasn't on the list.
而且Simon明显有种执念 And clearly, Simon had an obsession.
在又拦下几位更有吸引力但胸器平庸的女士之后 And after stopping several more attractive women with modest chests...
你得 你得给买的东西付钱 You have to--you have to pay for all your items.
- 好吧 - 我不得不进行干预了 - Okay. - I had to intervene.
就这么说吧 如果没有清单 你走在街上看见她 Let's say there's no list. You just see her on the street.
你觉得 你觉得她怎么样 What do you-- what do you think of her?
她有她漂亮的地方 She is somewhat pretty,
但她能变得更漂亮 but she could be prettier.
怎样才能让她更漂亮 And what would make her prettier?
呃 把她的头发放下来 还有 你懂的 Uh, to let her hair down and, you know...
- 或许多笑 - 你刚才是什么动作 - Maybe smi-- - And what was that?
你说完做了这个手势 把她的头发放下来然后呢 You did that after. To let her hair down and what?
"然后 你懂的" "And, you know--"
我必须得好好跟Simon聊一聊 I had to take Simon aside.
所以对你来说双D罩杯是必要条件吗 So you're saying double "D" breasts are essential for you?
必须得是 必须是又大又实的 It's gotta be-- it's gotta be substantial.
好吧 All right.
好吧 那么暂时先按照清单来 All right, well, stick to the list then, for now.
好吧 我会按清单来的 All right, I'll stick to the list.
- 谢谢 - 没事 - Thanks. - Yeah.
Simon重回正轨后 With simon back on track,
我们多了许多偷东西的女士 we had a lot of women shoplifting.
但这不能说明任何事 But that doesn't mean anything
除非他们的朋友确实进来买衣服了 unless their friends are actually coming in to buy the stuff.
所以 为了保证这件事能发生 So, to be sure this was happening,
一周后 我用出镜授权协议上的电话号码 a week later, I used the phone number on the appearance release
联系了当天最具吸引力的小偷之一 to contact one of the most attractive shoplifters of the day
以证明我的想法是管用的 to get proof that the concept worked.
你好
你好 Natalie 呃 Hi, Natalie. Uh,
你从穿搭硬件顺走了一件衣服 呃 就在上周 you shoplifted an item from hardwear, uh, last week.
对吗 Is that correct?
对 那位男士说我可以拿走一件商品
是啊 当然了 你没事的 我不是来找麻烦的 Yes, yes, you're allowed. You're not in trouble.
我说服一番后 After some convincing,
她同意了见我一面 she agreed to meet with me.
我知道如果这个计划在她身上都没管用的话 I knew that if it didn't work with her,
对任何人都不会有用了 it wouldn't work with anyone.
这些 这些人是谁 Who are-- who are those guys?
噢 是我的朋友 我的未婚夫和我的室友 Oh, my friends--my fiance and the guy I'm staying with.
噢 好的 谢谢你们一起跟来 Oh, okay. Thanks for coming out.
你从店里顺走的是什么 So what was it that you shoplifted?
一条小黑裙 A little black dress,
前短后长 short in the front, long in the back,
上面有个白骷髅 with a white skull on it.
- 好的 - 嗯 - Okay. - Yeah.
你的朋友中有没有见过你穿着它的 And has any of your friends seen you in it?
有啊 他们俩见过 但是没有我的 Yeah, these guys have, but none of my--
- 有女生见过吗 - 没有 - Any girls? - No.
- 没有女生见过 - 没有 没女生 - No girls. - No, no girls.
好吧 好吧 All right, well,
你得说服你的朋友从店里买点什么 you have to convince a friend to buy something from there.
噢 那个 我 Oh, that--I--
没人告诉过我这个 Nobody said that to me.
某种意义上你不得不这么做 Well, you kind of have to.
你懂的 我 You know, I--
我也不想给警察看你偷东西的录像 I'd hate to show the police that footage of you stealing.
好吧 好吧 我可以试试 Okay, well, I can try,
如果她什么都不想买 and if she doesn't want to buy anything,
我就把裙子还给你 I'll give you the dress back.
嘿 Julie 你怎么样 Hey, Julie, how are you?
- 我是个好人 - 我得让你看看 - I'm a nice guy. - I've gotta show you
一件超可爱的衣服 this really cute little outfit.
Natalie的朋友同意在穿搭硬件见她 Natalie's friend agreed to meet her at Hardwear.
但为了保证计划有效 But just to guarantee it would work,
在她朋友来之前 我给了她一个隐藏耳麦 before she arrived, I gave her a hidden earpiece
这样我就能告诉她该说什么了 so I could tell her what to say.
热狗 Hot dog.
- 收到 - 我说了什么 - Got it. - What'd I say?
- 热狗 - 不错 很好 - Hot dog. - All right, good.
- 你好 - 你好 你怎么样 - Hi. - Hi, how are you?
么么哒 挺好的 谢谢 Mwah. Good, thanks.
你喜欢吗 Do you like it?
- 嗯 我超喜欢的 - 很好 - Yeah, I love it. - Nice.
女士们 你们好 Hi, ladies.
你好 Hello.
问她喜不喜欢穿带骷髅头的 Ask her if she likes wearing skulls.
你喜欢带骷髅头的吗 Do you like skulls?
- 嗯 我喜欢骷髅头 - 真的吗 - Yeah, I love skulls. - You do?
是啊 Yeah.
所有人都在穿带骷髅头的 Everyone's wearing skulls.
我们得给你找到一件上面带骷髅头的 We must find something with skulls on it for you.
这些衣服都是Geraldo Rivera设计的 These were all designed by Geraldo Rivera.
- 哦 是吗 - 是的 这些衣服都很漂亮 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah, they're beautiful.
哇哦 真是美翻了 Oh, that's beautiful.
让她买下这件衬衫 Make her buy the shirt.
我觉得你应该现在就买下来 I think you should buy it now.
- 是吗 - 是的 - Yeah? - Yeah.
79.33美元 $79.33.
随着这几个字被说出 And with those few little words...
十分感谢 Thank you so much.
我点子的可行性可谓是毋庸置疑了 the strength of my concept was undeniable.
- 再见 - 谢谢 - See you later. - Thank you.
那天稍晚一点我去拜访了Gabrielle And later that day, I paid Gabrielle a visit
去接受我应得的夸奖 to accept my well-deserved praise.
生意怎么样 How's business?
嗯 生意挺好的 Uh, business is good.
- 挺好 - 是啊 - Good. - Yeah.
嗯 我就是想知道有没有谁 呃 So, just wondering, has anyone, uh,
因为她们朋友偷的东西来买衣服什么的 come in because of an item their friend shoplifted or anything?
有 事实上 有一个女孩的确再次光临了 Yeah, actually, one-- one girl did come back.
- 是吗 - 是的 她带了一个朋友 - Really? - Yeah, she brought a friend.
- 我的天啊 嗯 - 是啊 很棒 - Oh, my god. Huh. - Yeah, yeah.
她的朋友买了一件上衣 Her friend bought a top.
- 所以是有效果的 - 这个嘛 - So it worked. - I mean,
只有一个回头客 it's just one,
- 哈 - 并不能保证一直都会有效果 - Huh. - but it's not guaranteed to continually work.
但是的确起效了 But it did work.
是的 像我说的 对一个人产生了效果 Yeah, it worked with the one, like I said,
- 嗯 - 但是这个办法似乎风险更大 而不是 - Huh. - but it just seems like kind of a risk, more than--
- 哼 - 嗯哼 - Hmm. - Mm-hmm.
哈 Huh.
- 那好吧 嗯 - 很高兴遇见你 - All right, um-- - It was nice meeting you.
- 好 祝你 - 谢谢你 - Well, good luck... - Thank you.
生意兴隆 Gabrielle with your business, Gabrielle.
谢谢你 Thank you.
- 祝你好运 - 谢谢 - I wish you the best of luck. - Thank you.
- 好的 - 再见 - Okay. - See you later.
嗒哒 Whoop.
做这个节目以来 From doing this show,
我最经常被问到的问题是 One of the most common questions I get is,
"你是怎么想到这些点子的" "How do you come up with your ideas?"
答案很简单 调查 The answer is simple-- research.
当我想要快速了解一家店时 When I want to get a sneak peek at a business,
我经常会提前伪装好去拜访一下 I'll often go ahead of time in disguise.
这使我能够快速了解 This allows me to take a quick look
这家店是如何运作的 at how the place is run
并帮助我想出点子 and helps me come up with ideas.
但是如果我想要长时间观察一家店 But if I want to observe a business for a longer period of time
而不引起怀疑 without arousing suspicion,
我就会利用游戏机"图书管理员的冒险" I'll use the Librarian's Quest.
这台被设计的像80年代的无聊街机 Designed to look like a boring 80s arcade game,
里面其实是完全掏空的 the body has been completely gutted out
并改装得可以装下一个我这种体型的人 and rebuilt to fit a man of my proportions.
为了深入了解一个店 To get inside the business,
我让我的同事说他们是搬家公司的 I have my crew say they're a moving company
卡车意外抛锚了 whose truck broke down.
嘿 请问你介意我们把这个放在这里一会吗 hey, do you mind if we just keep this here for a few minutes?
我们的卡车出故障了 Our truck broke down.
通常情况下 More often than not,
店员会同意他们把游戏机放在店里 store employees will agree to let them leave the game,
这使得我可以秘密地观察 Allowing me to secretly observe
当店员们觉得没有人在观察时生意是如何运作的 how the business is run when they think no one is watching.
因为我经常要在里面待很长时间 Because I'm often in there for long stretches,
游戏机的电源线可以方便地改造为一根吸管 the game's power cord is conveniently a straw,
让我的同事可以小心地送饮料进来 which enables my crew to discreetly drop off drinks
让我不至于缺水 to keep me hydrated.
而且因为价格很贵游戏又很无聊 and with an exorbitant price and boring moves,
我可以放心没有人会来玩游戏 I can also feel safe that no one will try to play it.
然后 当我观察够了之后 Then, when I've seen enough,
我的同事就会把我弄回去 My crew comes back and retrieves me.
- 再次感谢 - 哦 没事的 - Thanks again. - Oh, no problem.
- 拜 - 谢谢 - Bye. - Thanks.
仅仅为了调查似乎搞得太复杂了 It may seem like a long way to go just for research,
但正是这种办法使我想出了帮助比利美食馆的点子 But it was this exact method that helped me come up with my idea for Billy's Deli.
坐落于加州格伦代尔市中心 Smack-dab in the middle of Glendale, California,
开餐馆的Gloria Pike已经厌倦了她的餐厅总是空荡荡的 restaurateur Gloria Pike is sick and tired of her diner being empty.
比利美食馆经理
经济状况什么的会有一点影响 The economy or something affecting a little bit.
但是这点影响 让店里很冷清 But little bit, kind of slow.
在我登门拜访之前 我躲进街机里来观察比利美食馆 Prior to my visit, I used the arcade game to observe Billy's Deli.
出人意料的是 我看不出这家店任何经营 Surprisingly, I saw nothing wrong with the business
或者食物上的问题 or the food.
但是在那里呆了这么久之后 But after being in there for so long,
我不得不去小个便 I really had to go pee,
但就在我想在附近的店面用下洗手间的时候 And it was only once I tried to use the bathroom at some of the neighboring businesses...
嘿 我可以用一下你们这里的洗手间吗 Hey, do you guys have a bathroom I could use?
不行 只有员工可以用
没有公共厕所
我突然意识到比利餐馆还有很大的机会 that I realized there was a huge opportunity for Billy's.
卫生间
员工专用
当我藏在街机里的时候 So while I was hiding in the arcade game,
我注意到你们店里有严格的 I noticed that you guys have a strict
"只有顾客可以使用厕所"的规定 "Bathrooms for customers only" Policy.
- 嗯哼 - 因为这个规定 - Mm-hmm. - And for that,
我恭喜你 I congratulate you.
- 谢谢你 - 恭喜你 - Thank you. - Congratulations...
成功在亏钱 on losing money.
怎么会亏钱呢 Losing money?
计划:
计划是规定"人人都可以使用我们的厕所" The plan: an "Anyone can use our bathroom" Policy.
"人人都可以使用 我们的厕所"规定
在一个厕所很少的区域 In an area where bathrooms are scarce,
比利餐馆有机会吸引大量来上厕所的人 Billy's has an opportunity to attract a slew of bathroom-goers
这些人上完厕所之后可以成为顾客 that can then be converted to customers.
一旦他们进了洗手间 Once they use the bathroom,
我们就可以吸引他们留在这吃饭 then we sell them on eating here.
嗯哼 Mm-hmm.
你们店可以成为这附近的公用厕所 You guys could become the neighborhood toilet.
嗯 我觉得这个主意还不错 Yeah, I guess it's good idea.
在哪里对人们进行推销 And where better to market to them
会比人们完全聚精会神的地方更好呢 than where we have their complete, undivided attention?
我们制作了一个由Gloria出演的简短广告 We put together a short commercial featuring Gloria,
完成以后 And once it was done,
我把具有动作感应功能的显示器 I installed motion-activated monitors
安装在了比利餐馆的每个厕所隔间和小便池 in every bathroom stall and urinal at billy's.
广告已经就位 With the ad in place,
是时候把消息传播出去 It was time to start spreading the word
人人都可以上比利餐馆的厕所 that billy's bathrooms were for everyone.
贴在窗户上的标语对路人应该会有效 The window signs would work great for passers-by,
人人都可以使用 我们的卫生间
公共厕所
但是我还想要让这一区域的其他商家也知道 But I also wanted to spread awareness to other businesses in the area.
先去卫生间 再去点餐台
如果你有需要使用洗手间的客人 So if you have any customers that need to use the bathroom,
你们可以叫他们去街尾的比利美食馆 You can send them to Billy's down the block.
哦 好的 Oh, okay.
一个人上厕所吗 那就坐在 比利餐馆
现在我准备好打动来这里上厕所的人 Now I was ready to convince people who came for the bathroom
为了食物留下来 to stay for the food.
嗨 你好 Hi, there.
请问你是来用洗手间的吗 Are you here to use the bathroom?
我是来吃饭的
- 哦 来吃饭的吗 - 是的 - Oh, to eat? Okay. - Yeah.
你是来用洗手间的吗 Are you here to use the bathroom?
不 来吃饭的
来吃东西 Here to eat.
嗨 三位
- 三位吗 - 是的 - Three? - Yes.
来用洗手间还是来吃饭呢 For the bathroom or for a table?
吃饭
好的 她可以帮助你 Okay, um, yeah, she can help you.
一开始 我的标语似乎没有起效 At first, it was looking like my signs weren't working,
但是后来厕所大军开始抵达了 But then the bathroom crowd started to arrive.
嗨 Hi.
我能上一下厕所吗
- 是来用厕所的吗 - 是的 - For the restroom? - Yeah.
- 好的 就在后面 十分感谢 - 好的 - Yes, it's right at the back. Thank you so much. - Okay.
他们就要看到我们的广告了 They were about to see our commercial,
我想给Gloria看看他们的反应 and I wanted to show Gloria their reactions.
这不是完全合法的 So it's not entirely legal,
但是我们在洗手间里装了几个隐藏摄像机 but we set up a couple hidden cameras inside the bathroom.
我只要等他们一出来让他们签字 I'll just need to get people to sign a release
批准使用这些录像素材就行了 consenting to the use of the footage once they get out,
这我感觉问题不大 which I don't foresee being an issue.
哈喽 你好吗 Hello, how are you?
欢迎来到比利美食馆 Welcome to Billy's.
希望你喜欢这个广告 Please enjoy this message.
您可能不是我们这里的顾客 You may not be a customer,
但是比利美食馆仍然欢迎您来使用我们的洗手间 But at Billy's, you're still welcome to use the bathroom.
在你方便的时候 and while you're doing your thing,
我想向您介绍一下我们的追求 I'd like to talk to you a bit about our thing--
做出美味的食物 making delicious food.
看看这些精致的食物啊 Just look at these fine dishes.
您几乎可以闻到这些佳肴的味道 You can almost smell the quality food,
它们都由最好的食材做成 made from the finest ingredients available.
比如我们的五香熏牛肉三明治 Like our famous pastrami sandwich,
新鲜的科布沙拉 fresh Cobb salad,
或者我们自制的美味辣椒酱 or our rich homemade chili.
简直了 瞧瞧这个辣酱 Mm-hmm, look at that chili.
全世界的的人都选择到比利美食馆吃饭 People come from all over the world to eat at Billy's.
所以为什么不再呆一会呢 So why not stick around for a minute?
你绝对不会后悔的 You'll be glad you did.
比利美食馆 你的邻家公厕 Billy's Deli, your neighborhood toilet.
现在我需要知道广告效果如何 Now I needed to see if the commercial did its job.
你饿了吗 Are you hungry?
嗯 有一点 Uh, a little bit.
- 我们的菜单很全哦 - 好的 - So we have a full menu. - Yeah.
你可以看看这个 You can look at that.
另外 呃 我们需要你签个字 Also, uh, we need you to sign, uh,
一份肖像使用声明 如果你愿意的话 if you would, a-an appearance release.
当你在洗手间里的时候我们使用 We were filming you in the bathroom
- 隐藏摄像机进行了录像 - 哦 真的吗 - with a hidden camera... - Oh, really?
来看看顾客体验如何 to show the customer experience.
录了那些部分啊 Which part of me was being filmed?
只拍了您在看录像的样子 Just you watching the video.
哦 好的 因为我是在上厕所 Oh, okay, because I'm using the restroom.
所以我想知道我那个的时候 So I'm wondering what part of it--
嗯 您的私密部位不会出现的 Yeah, your private parts won't be shown.
好吧 Oh, okay.
你们应该告诉我你们会录像的 You should have told me that you guys are going to film.
但是你们没有 You didn't.
现在你们必须删掉这整个录像 Now you're gonna have to delete this thing.
而且我不关心你们想用哪一个部分 And I don't care whatever you want to use.
你明白吗 Do you understand that?
重要的是 我只想知道 The important thing is-- I just want to know--
这对我来说才是重要的事 That's the important thing for me.
你今天想在比利美食馆吃什么 因为 What are you gonna eat today at Billy's, because--
这是 你在玩一个很危险的游戏 And it's a-- you're playing really a dangerous game right now.
好吧 对不起 Okay, I'm sorry.
我们刚才在你上厕所的时候拍了你 We were filming you while you were using the bathroom.
啊 好吧 Oh, okay.
所以我们需要你 呃 签一下这个声明 So we need to, uh, get you to sign this release
允许我们在全国性电视节目上使用刚才拍摄的视频 so we can use the footage on national television,
- 呃 - 如果你没意见的话 - Oh. - if that's okay with you.
- 好吧 - 没问题吗 - Sure. - Is that okay?
- 是的 没事 当然可以 - 好的 太感谢了 - Okay, yeah, sure. - Okay, thanks so much.
其实 这个声明基本上意思就是 I mean, it basically says we can do anything we want
我们用这段视频想干啥都可以 with the footage and use it for anything.
- 啊 这样啊 好吧 - 那就好 - Oh, okay, right. - Okay.
大体上来说 我们的厕所内的拍摄工作没有遇到什么问题 For the most part, the in-bathroom filming wasn't a problem,
大家也都挺愿意签协议书的 and people were happy to sign the release.
我很激动能给Gloria展示我的成果 And I was so excited to show gloria my results.
这个男的 This man...
你可以看到他刚才在厕所里 you can see him in the bathroom.
- 嗯哼 - 现在看那 - Uh-huh. - Now look over there.
他已经吃上了 He's eating.
可不是么 Oh, yeah.
- 再看这个男人 - 嗯哼 - See this man here? - This man, mm-hmm.
- 你可以看到他在小便池旁边 - 没错 - He's at the urinal. - Mm-hmm.
再看那里 Look right there.
- 嗯 - 也已经开吃了 - Uh-huh. - He's eating a meal.
- 是的 看到了 - 很棒吧 - Yes, mm-hmm. - Pretty amazing.
- 是的 挺好的 - 我的主意大获成功 - Uh-huh, that's good. - My idea was a success.
一切都好吗 还满意吗 Everything good? Up to your standards?
挺好的 不错
那就好 Good.
看到Gloria脸上的笑容 And seeing that smile on Gloria's face
让我觉得一切都值了 made it all worth it for me.
那个 现在你觉得情况怎么样 Well, how do you feel about everything?
今天挺不错的
生意挺好的
你看 我们这周同心协力合作得很愉快 对吧 I mean, we've worked together so much this week, right?
- 嗯 是的 - 某种意义上来说 - Uh-huh, yes. - And in a way,
你可能都把我当儿子一样了 You probably see me as a son.
是啊 当然了
我是说 咱们就跟一家人一样了 I mean, we're kind of like family.
我就跟你儿子似的 I'm like your son.
是吧
可能
可能就像我们家的一分子吧
- 对 就是这样 - 是的 是这个意思 - Yes, it's like that. - Yeah, that's right.
- 没错 - 是的 - Yes. - Yes.
这话说得可能有点直白 Well, not to be too forward,
不过我很乐意被写进你的遗嘱 but I would love to be included in your will.
这不太好说 I don't know.
你觉得有没有这种可能 You think it's a possibility that you--
呃 Um...
我会先考虑我女儿
她是第一位 对吧
你女儿吗 Your daughter?
那当然了 她肯定是第一位的 Of course, she has to come first.
她事业刚起步 还年轻呢 She is starting. She's young.
如果我能剩点什么
钱之类的
那可以考虑你啊 我觉得
- 有可能吗 你会考虑一下吗 - 嗯 会的 - Maybe? You'll think about it? - Yeah, yes.
好的 我给你点时间考虑 Okay, I'll give you some time to think.
- 我不想给你太大压力 - 好 - I don't want to pressure you. - Okay.
- 我好激动 - 好吧 - I'm very excited. - Okay.
我是说 说不定我就是下一任老板了 I mean, I might be the new owner.
我懂的 I know.
我非常的激动 I was so excited,
我已经等不及想知道 and I couldn't wait to find out
我到底会不会被Gloria写进遗嘱里 if I'd be included in Gloria's will.
今晚早些时候 Earlier tonight,
我给你们解释了我是怎么进行调查的 I showed you how I research businesses,
那是一个涉及了大量等待和观察的过程 a process that involves a lot of waiting and watching.
这个过程会有点无聊 It can be kind of tedious,
所以我在想要不要找个人来搭把手 so I'd been thinking of getting someone to help me out.
正好我最近认识了一个 And I recently met someone
靠观察人家生意谋生的人 who basically watches businesses for a living.
所以我打电话叫Simon来我办公室 So I called Simon into my office
想问问他是否愿意做个兼职 to see if he'd be willing to take on a second job.
我正在找一个能够帮助我 I'm looking for someone to help out
进行一些调研工作的人 with some of the researching tasks...
- 哦 好吧 - 是为了我的节目 - Oh, okay. - of my show.
你觉得这是你擅长的事儿吗 Do you think that's your skill set?
呃 是的 Uh, yes.
不过 我知道你有一个小软肋 Now, I do know you have a vice.
- 嗯哼 - 对吧 - Mm-hmm. - Right?
是啊 Yeah.
长着大 Women with--
呃 就胸部伟岸的女人 嗯 with, uh, with--with large--large chests, yeah.
- 你最爱这一点了 - 是的 - I mean, you love that. - Right.
有多喜欢呢 I mean, how much?
呃 怎么说呢 我做梦会梦到这个 Um, just--I would say that I dream about it
或者说想到那个 or think about it, you know,
呃 一周几乎每天都会吧 like, almost everyday of the week.
你会想些啥呢 What do you think about?
我就是想一些 爱抚啊 揉摸啊之类的 I just think about, like, fondling or touching.
就这样 Yeah.
所以如果我给你这个差事的话 So if I'm gonna give you this job,
我需要确定这事儿不会 I need to know that that's not going to be--
你不会让你自己因为这个分心 You're not gonna let yourself get distracted by that.
放心 我不会的 No, I won't.
- 好 棒极了 - 好的 酷 - Okay, great. - Okay. Cool.
- 开工吧 - 谢了 Nathan - Let's do it. - Thanks, Nathan.
谢谢你 Simon Thanks, Simon.
我告诉Simon我需要他去帮我秘密调查一家 I told Simon that I wanted him to covertly research a business
我计划在节目上进行救援的店面 I was planning on helping for my show.
好的 把它锁上吧 All right, let's lock it up.
但Simon不知道的是 What Simon didn't know
这其实是个测试 is that this was a test.
哎 你还好吗 Oh, you okay?
- 抱歉 - 我没事 - Sorry. - I'm all right.
我找了一家附近便利店的店主帮助我 I had a local convenience store owner in on it,
这样我就可以观察Simon 看他表现如何 so I could observe Simon and see what he would do.
好好观察店里的情况 Observe the business.
看看有什么问题 或者任何有价值的信息 Look for any problems or anything that you see.
- 行 - 没问题吧 - Right. - You got it?
- 没问题 - 好 多谢了 - I got it. - Okay, thank you.
Simon以为我把他留在那之后就走了 Simon thought I was just dropping him off and leaving,
但其实我打算偷偷重返这家便利店 but really I had a plan to covertly re-enter the store
然后观察我的测试进展 and watch my test unfold.
我从来没用过这个玩意儿 I never really use it
因为藏在街机里更舒服一点 because the arcade is more comfortable,
不过这个为雪茄店定制的印第安人模型 but this custom-made cigar store indian
有一个中空的结构 has a hollowed-out interior
刚好可以装下我的身体 just big enough to fit my body.
他已经在街机里呆了30分钟了 After 30 minutes in the arcade,
看起来一切都挺顺利 he seemed to be doing great.
不过我想设置一个强力的干扰来测试Simon的专注程度 But I wanted to test Simon's focus with a true distraction:
一对他梦寐以求的双D大胸 A pair of his coveted double D's.
Simon虽然偷瞄了一下 但情有可原 I couldn't blame Simon for taking a peek,
不过我很满意他很快就把注意力重新放到了工作上 but I was pleased he quickly got back to his duties
而不是暴露自己或者忍不住打飞机 without blowing his cover or masturbating.
不过我还有一项考验等待着他 but I had one more test in store.
我需要确保Simon始终不会暴露自己的伪装 I needed to know that Simon wouldn't blow his cover
哪怕是在死亡的威胁下 even in the face of death.
我还有一项对Simon忠诚度的测验 I had one more test of simon's loyalty.
一个由专业演员参与策划执行的生死情景 A life-or-death scenario planned out with a professional actor.
图书管理员的冒险啊 The Librarian's Quest?
我找这玩意儿好久了 I been looking for one of those things.
这游戏机你打算卖多少钱 How much you want for it?
噢 这东西不卖 是有人留在这的
这样啊 那我能拿走吗 Well, could I have it?
你要真想要 就拿走呗
真的吗 Yeah?
不过 这游戏机对我的车来说太大了 You know, it's a little big for my car,
我可能得把它锯成两半 so I might have to cut it in half.
你有锯子吗 Do you happen to have a saw?
我有一把
给你 There you go.
太好了 Yeah.
有这个应该就可以了 谢啦 That'll work. Thanks.
天哪 Geez.
是时候把这个宝贝一分为二了 Time to cut this baby in half.
谢谢大家 Thank you.
多谢合作 Thank you.
谢谢你 Don Thank you, Don.
别客气 哥们 Yeah, my pleasure, man.
好的 谢了 你还好吗 Simon All right, thanks. All right, Simon?
- 嗯 - 在里面感觉怎么样 - Yeah. - How you doing in there?
- 感觉不错 - 那就行 - I'm okay. - All right.
刚才是个测试 你通过了 That was a test, and you passed.
好吧 Okay.
Simon表现非常棒 Simon did amazing.
任何其他人在那种情况下都会暴露自己的 Any other man under that circumstance would've blown his cover.
你现在可能很紧张 You're probably nervous right now.
- 噢 - 你可能需要一个拥抱 - Oh. - You probably need a hug.
- 是的 - 你还好吗 - Yeah. - You okay?
刚才那情况 还是 还是有一点 It's--it was-- it was a little--
还是有点让人胆战心惊的 不过我还好 It was a little nerve-wracking, but yeah, I'm okay.
- 你表现很棒 哥们 - 那就好 - Well, you did great, man. - Okay.
- 恭喜了 - 好的 谢谢 - Congrats. - Cool. Yeah.
好嘞 All right.
我真心被Simon的表现打动了 I was truly impressed by simon,
知道自己有一个可以指望的人感觉很棒 and it felt good knowing I had someone I could count on.
不幸的是 Gloria这边就不好说了 Unfortunately, I couldn't say the same for gloria,
她最后还是选择不把我写进遗嘱里 as she chose not to include me in her will.
我跟我女儿谈过了
她问我
为什么 妈 你又不认识他
为什么会想把他写进遗嘱呢
不过不像Gloria 我从来不会忘记回报那些帮助过我的人 But unlike gloria, I never forget to reward those that help me out.
因为你之前表现很棒 Because you were so great,
我有一份惊喜给你 I have a surprise for you.
- 喔哦 - 没错 - Oh. - Yeah.
好啊 Okay.
我想给你介绍个人 I want to introduce you to someone.
好的 Okay.
不过你必须答应我 But you have to promise me,
要有点绅士风度 be a gentleman.
- 好 - 可以吗 - Okay. - Okay?
可以 Yes.
Trisha Trisha.
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
- 你好吗 - 好得很 好得很 - How are you? - Good. Good.
很高兴认识你 Hi, nice to meet you.
我也很高兴认识你 Nice to meet you too.
非常高兴认识你 Very nice to meet you.
- 真的吗 - 真的 - Yeah. - Yeah.
哇哦 Wow.
嘿 Hey.
挺好 Okay.
我真的很为Simon开心 I was so happy for Simon.
不过当我看他和Trisha对上眼的时候 But while I was watching him connect with trisha,
我忍不住感到嫉妒 I couldn't help but feel jealous
因为我也想在我的生命里得到同样的感觉 because I wanted that same connection in my own life.
啊 好吧 下周还有更多正事儿要干 Oh, well. More businesses next week.
我之前接触过的妹子 Most of the girls I've been with
都没有那么 那么大 haven't been that-- that large.
你有没有跟她们聊过 Have you ever talked about
问问她们有没有想过丰个胸啥的 asking them to get implants or anything?
如果我们一起看电视的话 出来一个广告 If we were watching tv and there was a tv commercial,
比如丰胸广告的话 我会说 like, for--for implants, I would say,
"嘿 看看人家" 你懂吧 "Hey, look at that", you know.
"那 那看上去挺好的" "That--that looks pretty good."
- 她们有去做吗 - 没 - And did they ever do it? - No.
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