翻译: 惨绿青年 线luna
校对: 濑成一
我叫Nathan Fielder My name is Nathan Fielder,
后期: pendz
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一 and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
学业成绩单
并且成绩优异 with really good grades.
压制: 肉包
如今 我运用我的学识 Now I'm using my knowledge
来帮助挣扎求生的小型企业主 to help struggling small business owners
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功 make it in this competitive world.
总监: pendz
改造前
改造后
面包和糕点
改造前
面包糕点
改造后
改造前
改造后
这 This...
救援 高手
电波诚译
第一季 第四集
就是救援高手 is Nathan for You.
经营一家加油站并不容易 Running a gas station is not easy,
没有人比Daniel Ashikian更深知其中艰辛 and no one knows that more than Daniel Ashikian
他在加州伯班克市塞万加油站 of Sevan Gas in Burbank, California.
生意太难做了 It's tough business.
我没法跟大公司竞争 I cannot compete with the big companies.
塞万加油站老板
如今 在汽车里加满香槟要实惠得多 With these days it being more economical to fill up your car with champagne,
吸引消费者成了一件难事 it can be hard to draw in customers.
所以我带着一个降价的好点子去拜访了Daniel So I paid Daniel a visit with an innovative way to lower his prices.
我想让你每加仑收费1.75美元 So I want you to charge $1.75 per gallon.
- 你知道什么是乌托邦吗 - 知道 - You know what is Utopia? - Yeah.
它只存在于你的想象中 It's in your mind.
你不可能看到汽油只卖1.75美元 You're not gonna see $1.75 gasoline anymore.
- 那只存在于电影院中 - 好吧 听我说 - Only in the pictures. - Well, listen.
不 不 不 你理智一点 No, no, no. You get reasonable.
不 我一直都 我很理智 No, I am being, I am reasonable.
- 你没有让我说完 - 好吧 - You didn't let me finish. - Okay.
是返利以后 After rebate.
噢 Oh.
计划如下 The plan:
计划:
返利后汽油的价格是1.75美元 $1.75 gas after rebate.
返利后每加仑汽油 只卖1.75美元
这个返利活动可以让Daniel合法地 A rebate will legally allow Daniel
打广告宣称是全国最便宜的汽油 to advertise the cheapest gas in the country.
由于优惠力度实在太大 And because it's such a great deal,
那么获得这项返利比一般的要麻烦一点 it would only be fair to make claiming this rebate
自然在情理之中 a bit more inconvenient than normal,
它要求顾客要亲自将返利表投递 by asking customers to drop it off in person
到一座山顶上 at the top of a mountain.
返利投递箱
到一座山顶上 At the top of the mountain.
嗯 这是个很狡猾的赚钱方法 Yeah, that's good tricky way to make money.
在距离塞万加油站约一个半小时车程的地方 About an hour and a half drive from Sevan Gas
在洛杉矶国家森林的中央区域 in the middle of the Angeles National Forest,
人们只能徒步登上奇洛埃山的顶峰 the peak of Mount Chileo is only accessible by foot.
我向Daniel解释道 I explained to Daniel
只要他对顾客们开诚布公 that as long as he was up front with his customers,
将返利箱放在奇洛埃山顶上就是完全合法的了 putting the rebate box atop Chileo was completely 100% legal.
如果有人真的去认领的话 If some of them is gonna claim it,
我不就得掏钱了吗 it's gonna cost me money, right?
你觉得人们会为了拿返利徒步登山吗 Do you think people are gonna hike up a mountain to get this rebate?
这 Uh...
经过一周的准备工作后 After a week to get everything prepared,
我们正式实施了这项优惠 we implemented the offer.
标价牌一挂上去 Within minutes of the sign going up,
*返利价
就立即引起了轰动 it proved to be an instant hit,
街道上汽车排起了长龙 with a line of cars down the block.
真的只要1.75美元吗 Is it really $1.75?
返利之后 After rebate.
什么类型的返利 What type of rebate?
不是那种邮寄返利 It's not mail-in rebate.
你需要亲自拿过去 You have to take it personally.
拿去哪 Where's it at?
奇洛山 Mountain Chile.
- 哪里 - 奇洛山 - Where? - Mountain Chile.
Nathan 是奇洛山对吗 Nathan, it's Mountain Chile, right?
这地方有什么特别之处 What's so special about this place
以至于我们必须去那才能返利 we have to go and get the rebate?
返利投递箱在那而已 That's just where the drop box is.
不可以直接寄过去吗 就像 You can't just mail it in, like just.
不是那种邮寄返利 不可以 It's not a mail-in rebate, no.
呃 我只加油就好了 Uh, I'll get the gas,
但我不想要返利 but, no, I don't want the rebate.
可以啊 这取决于你 Okay, it's up to you.
你不想去 没有关系 You don't want to do it, it's fine.
这取决于你 It's up to you.
嗯 如果你想去 我们提供前往山脚的免费班车 Well, we're providing a free shuttle to the base if you want,
之后要徒步走一个半小时 and then it's an hour and a half hike from there.
你在开玩笑吗 Are you kidding me?
这是完全正式的 It's totally official.
这上面有详细的说明 Everything is explained there.
如我所料 加油站人满为患 Like I expected, people were filling up.
并且没人想要索取返利 And no one wanted to claim the rebate.
但之后 事情急转直下 But then, the tide shifted.
嘿 我回来了 Hey, I'm back.
我换了衣服 我准备好了 I changed my clothes, and I'm ready.
- 你认真的吗 - 我认真的啊 - Are you serious? - I'm serious.
听起来不错哈 我从没去过那儿 That sounds good. Yeah, I've never been there.
你准备去吗 You're gonna do it?
对啊 可以吗 Yeah. Is that cool?
可以 可以 很棒 Yeah, yeah, that's great.
我以前远足过 我喜欢登山 I've hiked. I like hiking.
- 真的吗 - 真的 - Really? - Yeah.
我之前从没上去过 I've never been up there before.
听说那儿的景色很美 I hear the view is beautiful.
这项活动在吸引顾客的方面效果显著 It was clearly working to bring in customers,
但令我吃惊的是班车竟然快坐满了 but to my surprise the shuttle was actually filling up.
我发现Daniel对此忧心忡忡 I saw that this was worrying Daniel,
于是我把他叫到一边聊了聊 and I took him aside for a chat.
说实话 我没想到会有这么多人愿意去远足 To be honest, I didn't expect so many people to want to do the hike.
但是你放心 一旦他们到了那儿 However, be assured that once they get up there,
一切才刚刚开始 it's only just beginning.
好吧 Okay.
开车要花上一个半小时才能到山脚 It was going to take an hour and a half to drive to the base of the mountain,
所以我们过会儿再回头看这边 so we'll check back with this in a bit.
首先问一个问题 你觉得这幅画搞笑吗 But first, do you find this drawing funny?
如果你的回答是肯定的 If you answered yes,
你可能就是漫画家Greg Dohlen You're probably caricature artist Greg Dohlen.
这幅画是他画的 He was the one that drew it.
从事漫画行业二十余载 And after two decades of doing caricatures,
他依然默默无闻 he has yet to make a name for himself.
出名从来都不容易 It's always a struggle.
漫画家
并且我从1989年就开始干这行了 And I've kind of...I've been doing this since '89.
但有时候解决方案很简单 But sometimes the solution is as simple
就是紧跟潮流 as keeping up with the trends.
- 你把我画了下来 - 对 - You drew me here. - Yeah.
这是把旧沙发吗? 那谁是小约翰啦!
小约翰 经常问令人尴尬的问题的小孩
看到你自己被画成卡通形象 It's enjoyable to see yourself
- 是很有意思的事 - 没错 - portrayed as a cartoon. - Yeah.
但是我觉得它并不能使我发笑 But I don't think it makes me laugh.
漫画是一种侮辱型的幽默 Caricatures are insult comedy.
呃 可以这么说吧 Well, yeah.
而这类侮辱型的幽默 In the category of insult comedy,
容我向你展示下什么是当下正流行的 just to show you what's currently popular right now,
这儿 看着 Here, just watch.
我很喜欢你 杰森·亚历山大 我觉得你很性感 I like you, Jason Alexander. I find you sexy.
杰森·亚历山大和杰瑞·宋飞同为经典情景喜剧<宋飞传>主演
亲我啊 你个死胖子 Kiss me, you fat f**k.
我一直都想知道 I've always wanted to see
杰瑞·宋飞的屁股是什么味道 what Jerry Seinfeld's a*s tastes like.
我给他看了一些很流行的喜剧中心台吐槽片段 I showed him a clip of the wildly popular comedy central roasts,
用以佐证如果想要侮辱型的幽默引起轰动 which proved that to be a hit in insult comedy,
你越刻薄 效果越好 the meaner you are, the better.
计划:
计划如下 将Greg重新塑造为"讽刺之王" The plan: To re-brand Greg as "The king of sting."
将Greg重新塑造为"讽刺之王"
呃 我 我走极端时得到的负面回应 Um, I've got, I've gotten more negative reactions from going extreme
比正面回应要多 than positive reactions.
猫王刚出道时也没有人喜欢他 懂吗 No one liked Elvis when he first came out, you know what I mean?
- 人们觉得自己被冒犯了 - 没错 - People were offended. - Right.
但你必须挺过去 But you have to power through that
如果你想出名的话 if you wanna become big.
一开始 Greg似乎很抵触这个点子 At first, Greg seemed resistant to the concept.
但当我们开始讨论想法的时候 But as we started brainstorming ideas...
是啊 如果他是中国人的话会很好笑 Yeah, it might be funny if he's Chinese,
然后我给他画一张有大龅牙的画像 and I make him a photographer with the big buck teeth.
噢 没错 Oh, yeah, yeah.
小眯眯眼和大龅牙 Little squinty eyes and big buck teeth.
对对对 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
他很快开始接受这个点子 He quickly began to embrace it.
我告诉了他几个犀利点子供他参考 I left him with a few edgy concepts of my own to work on,
然后他开始着手画草图 and he started sketching them out.
第二天 我回去看他的成果 The next day, I returned to see the results.
好的 这是我对于一对情侣的想法 All right, so this is the idea I had for a couple,
你需要画一对情侣的话 when you have to draw a couple.
所以这个是你 画家 So that's you, the artist,
我
呃 后入这对情侣中的女方 狗爬式 uh, doing the woman of the couple from behind, doggy style,
我喜欢 这样!
她在说 "我喜欢这样" she's saying, "I like this."
她的男朋友看着一个蜂鸟的鸡鸡 Her boyfriend is looking at a hummingbird's penis
蜂鸟的鸡鸡
它的好大!
心想着 "它的好大" and thinking, "That's huge."
嗯 这个很棒 Yeah, this is good.
很滑稽 It's really funny.
这是 呃 你画的一位亚洲商人 This is, um, your version of an asian businessman.
筷子
呃 你觉得这个 呃 嗯 Um, do you think this one, uh...hmm...
(你名字的亚洲语写法)
是这样的 我不太确定 呃 See, I'm not, I'm not sure, uh,
当你要呈现一幅关于亚洲的漫画时 when you presented an asian picture
应该往哪个方向去画 which direction I should go with it.
我真的尝试了各种方向 I went all directions really.
珍珠港
我们应该去试验一下 看看效果如何 We could try it out, see how it goes.
当然了 我是说 我并不打算 Sure, yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna get
你懂的 在艺术领域 you know, in art, you know,
你并不想去妨碍别人或是怎样 you don't want to get in people's way or anything,
所以我并不打算 不过 嗯 so I'm not gonna, but, yeah.
我的意思是 这确实 I mean, this is definitely
我是说 拿珍珠港来开玩笑有点太过激了 I mean, the pearl harbor thing is almost not even a joke.
Greg其他犀利的新漫画看起来都很棒 The rest of Greg's new edgy caricatures looked great,
我看得出他已经准备好去现实世界试验一番了 and I could tell that he was ready to try them out in the real world.
讽刺之王
你有什么爱好吗 Do you have any hobbies?
我很喜欢骑行和冲浪 I like to bike and surf a lot.
我喜欢游泳 打碟 吹长号 I like swimming, deejaying, playing the trombone.
骑行 冲浪 游泳 打碟 吹长号
真是个废柴
事情开始进展还算可以 Things were off to an okay start,
不过当一个亚洲男子坐下的时候我有点担心 but I got kind of worried when an asian man sat down.
我画的漫画有一点刻薄和犀利 I draw caricatures that are a little mean and edgy.
你能接受吗 Are you okay with that?
- 当然了 - 真的嘛 那就好 很好 - Definitely. - Yeah, okay, good.
怎么样 How's that?
挺好
你喜欢吗 You like it?
- 嗯 - 噢 太好了 - Yeah. - Oh, good.
不过我错了 那个人很喜欢它 But I was wrong. The guy loved it.
- 你喜欢这幅画吗 - 嗯 对啊 我挺喜欢的 - You like it? - Yeah, yeah, I like it.
在那之后 一切一帆风顺 And from then on, it was smooth sailing.
药店
约会强奸药
噢 太棒了 兄弟 Oh, nice, man.
- 还不错吧 - 很不错 伙计 - Will that work? - That'll work, dude.
Greg的表现好到无以复加 Greg was hitting nothing but home runs,
看到他有工作做也非常激动人心 and it was amazing to watch him work.
是你训练我这么做的
噢 真不错 Oh, nice.
午餐时间
所以你今天整体感觉怎么样 So how do you feel it all went today?
- 人们笑了 我看到人们都笑了 - 人们笑了 - People laughed. I saw people laughing. - People laughed.
就好像 人们内心深处的幽默被释放出来了 Like, the deep side of people's humor comes out
当他们被你震惊到的时候 when you show them shock.
你知道 一开始的时候 You know, at the beginning of all this,
我让你画我 你画得并不好笑 I had you draw me, it wasn't funny.
那么现在 我教了你这么多东西 So now with everything that I've taught you,
尽你最大的能力调侃我 I'm saying go as hard as you want on me,
想怎么刻薄都可以 as mean as you want.
你想见识一下讽刺之王吗 You want the king of sting?
- 我想领教一下讽刺之王 - 没问题 - I want the king of sting. - Okay.
- 因为我想大笑 - 没问题 - 'Cause I wanna laugh. - Okay.
你太让我失望了
Nathan的祖父
哇哦 这才叫小鸡鸡
好了 给 Okay, here you are.
好吧 这幅画很搞笑 All right, this is funny,
但是看到我的祖父被画成这样我很难受 but it's hard for me to see my grandpa depicted in that way.
他是加拿大的战争英雄 He's a Canadian war hero,
而且他 就是 非常 and he's, like, a very,
他在我们家里非常重要 he has, like, a very important role in our family,
所以我不喜欢看到他被画成这样 so I don't like seeing him depicted like this.
简直 It just...
Greg选择用这样没品位的画来结束这一天实在遗憾 It was a real shame that Greg chose to end the day on such a tasteless note.
但抛开我的感受不谈 But regardless of my feelings,
他的确是当之无愧的讽刺之王 He truly was the king of sting.
我的加油站返利活动正在进行之中 My gas station rebate was underway.
但在我们前往奇洛埃山山脚途中 But as we shuttled to the base of Chileo,
我开始怀疑这八个意志坚定的小气鬼中不会有人 I began to doubt that any of these eight determined cheapskates
在到达山顶之前就退出 would drop out before reaching the peak of the mountain.
你可能觉得我会因为塞万加油站要亏钱而紧张 You might think I'd be nervous that Sevan Gas was going to lose money,
但我没有告诉任何人的是 but what I had told no one
其实这件事不只关乎帮助一个加油站 is that this was about more than just helping a gas station.
我打算发明世上第一个完美的返利计划 I set out to create the world's first perfect rebate,
一个完全合法但是根本没人能成功的返利计划 a completely legal rebate that absolutely no one claims.
幸运的是 他们大多人都没读返利单上小字的附加细则 Fortunately, most of them failed to read the fine print on their rebate slips.
返利箱是隐藏的
他们没意识到他们参加的远远不只是一次登山旅行 They didn't realize they had signed up for a lot more than just a hike.
一系列谜语
过夜
在加油站工作的那位先生告诉我 The gentleman who worked in the gas station told me that
返利金额: 27.14美元
我必须得来爬奇洛埃山 I would have to come hike Mount Chileo
才能获得返利 to get that rebate.
今天挺累的 但也算一场冒险吧 It's been a long day, but it's been an adventure,
所以并不算太坏 so it's not too bad.
返利金额: 16.49美元
这件事吸引我的点是 What appealed to me about it
它听起来很有趣 was it just sounded kind of interesting.
既然已经来了 干脆就做呗 And once you're there, you might as well do it.
我喜欢在这种远离城市的地方放松一下 I love being out here out of the city, getting to relax a bit,
不过还是有点让人忐忑 but it is a little bit apprehensive
因为是在树林里 because it's the woods.
好了 欢迎来到奇洛埃山 All right, welcome to Mount Chileo,
下午4点35分 (登山2小时后)
这个地方的历史底蕴之丰富 A place whose history is as rich
返利金额: 27.51美元
如同其山峰之高耸 as its peak is high.
你们有什么疑问吗 Do you have any questions?
箱子在哪儿 Where's the box?
好问题 不过你得先解出谜题 Well, you have to answer some riddles first.
等一下 在加油站的时候你告诉我们 Wait, at the gas station you just told us
只要我们把返利单投进什么箱子里就行了 we'd have to insert the paper into a box or something
然后就能拿返利 And then get our rebate.
- 是这样 - 没有提到谜题什么的啊 - Right. - Nothing was mentioned about a riddle
或是一系列谜题 or a series of riddles.
听着 我明天三点才需要去接小孩 Look, I don't have to pick up my kid till 3:00 tomorrow.
- 我们开始吧 - 来吧 - Let's do it. - Let's do this.
- 耶 - 放马过来 - Yeah. - Let's do this.
我是一个高度自我的个体 I'm a me, me, me system.
自己照顾自己 我给自己洗澡 喂自己吃饭 I take care of me, I wash me, I feed me.
行吧 那就安静下来我们好 Okay, be quiet so we can...
我本想说所有的内容都印在小字细则里了 I was going to point out that this was all in the fine print,
可大家似乎都不怎么在意 but they didn't even seem to care.
这一切估计会比我预想的更久一点 This might go on longer than I thought.
我已休息了有百万年之久 I've been resting for a million years,
却从未真正入眠 but I never sleep.
我是一种音乐类型 I'm a kind of music,
却从未在野外发出声响 but out here I do not make a peep.
是风 木管乐器嘛 管乐 Wind. Woodwinds, wind music.
- 是在说风吗 - 是风吗 - Is it the wind? - Is it wind?
不是风 It is not wind.
石头(摇滚) Rock.
- 没错 - 答得好 - Yes. - Right on.
很棒 那好 Great, okay.
所以下一个谜题被压在一块石头下面 All right, so the next riddle is under a rock.
我被来登山的人数吓到了 I was stunned by the number of people
为了廉价汽油他们愿意牺牲一整天的时间 that had given up their entire day for cheap gas.
是因为省钱的快感吗 Was it the thrill of saving money?
还是因为这些人只是单纯疯了 Or were these people just completely insane?
不过在近一个小时的谜题轰炸后 But after nearly an hour of riddles,
终于有人开始放弃了 People finally started dropping out.
- 你九点钟有考试吗 - 是的 - You have a test at 9:00? - Yeah.
不过我还是想要拿到返利 But, I mean, I do want that rebate.
这次考试占总成绩多少百分比 What percent of your grade is it over?
大概占百分之三十 It's about 30% roughly.
- 那你可不能错过 - 嗯 - Yeah, you can't miss that. - No.
谢天谢地队伍里还残存两三个理智的人 I was thankful there were some sensible people in the group,
然而不管我多努力 But not matter how hard I tried...
我再说一遍 如果你们不想领返利了 You know, but again, if you don't want to claim the rebate,
你们想退出完全可以理解 I can understand if you would wanna leave.
有些人就是不愿意放弃 Some people just wouldn't go.
我浑圆而坚硬 I am round and hard.
晚上8点20分 (登山6小时后)
在水中沉底 In water, I sink deep.
若将我用于婴孩 But if you do me to a baby,
则会助他入眠 he surely shall sleep.
你真的有打算给我们返利吗 Do you have any intentions on giving us our rebates?
当然 谜题已经解得差不多了 Yeah, we're almost done with the riddles.
只是光线不好 看不清楚字 It's just dark, it's hard to read them.
你愿意的话我可以帮你读 I can read it for you if you'd like.
呃 我想我们还是等明天早上再弄吧 Well, I think we should just finish in the morning.
你白天答应我们的事一件都没发生 Everything that you told us today hasn't happened.
我们都走到这儿了 Yeah, we're here.
等等 你不能这样朝我发火 Wait, you can't be so annoyed right now.
- 我还不能生气了 - 不行 - I can't be annoyed? - No.
你疯了吧 You're out of your mind!
呃 你怎么 这是合约的一部分啊 Well, why are you-- this is part of the deal.
这就是拿返利要经历的 This is the rebate.
说好的是如果我留下来 我就能领返利 No, the deal is I stay, I get my rebate.
返利金额: 15.82美元
如果你要留下 就不能这样朝我大吼大叫 If you're staying, you can't yell at me like that.
这样很不礼貌 It's not appropriate.
行 反正我哪儿也不去 Okay, I'm not going nowhere then.
我没想到事情会发展到这个地步 I didn't think it would get to this point,
但幸好我带了帐篷和露营装备 but I had tents and camping gear on hand.
还有三个人准备留下过夜 Three people decided to stay the night.
你们有没有听过<物是人非> Do you guys know
Pettinger Bojanic和Hooper唱的 By Pettinger, Bojanic, and Hooper?
没有 Nope.
是首免版权税的歌 It's a royalty-free music song
网上可以找到 from the internet.
行吧 唱来听听呗 Well, play it. Let's hear it.
差不多是这样唱的 It goes a little something like this.
*这些天来我无法思考* *These days I just can't think straight*
*太多事物在脑海中盘旋* *I got too many angles running round my brain*
*因为我知道* *'cause I know*
*一切早已物是人非* *It won't be the same*
返利金额: 10.91美元
*一切早已* *Won't be the--*
药品监管局只会批准那些 The only drugs that the FDA will approve
制药公司会花个两亿美元去投资的药 are drugs that pharmaceutical companies will spend $200 million on.
当Ray开始大谈民科偏方的时候 As Ray began lecturing me about alternative medicine,
我开始后悔这整个计划 I found myself regretting this whole plan.
自然理疗倡导喝尿 Naturopaths drink urine.
他们鼓励病人去喝尿 They tell their patients to drink urine,
那是治疗的一部分 而原因是 and that's part of a cure, and the reason why...
所以你愿意喝尿 So you would drink urine?
尿可比大部分东西安全多了 It's safer than almost anything out there.
如果我的理疗师叫我喝尿 If my naturopath told me to drink urine,
我说不定真的会 I might--I might--
比如谁的尿 Like, whose urine?
自己的尿 Their own urine.
- 喝你自己的尿 - 没错 - Drink your own urine? - Yeah.
随着夜越来越深 But as the night went on,
我发觉Ray Laurie和Elizabeth I began to see that Ray, Laurie, and Elizabeth
并不只是贪便宜的小气鬼 weren't just cheapskates looking for a deal.
事实上 钱根本就不是真正困扰他们的事情 In fact, money was the least of their problems.
现在国家重案组在调查我纵火的事 So now the state police major crimes squad is investigating me for arson.
离婚25年了我依然戴着戒指 Still wear my wedding ring 25 years later.
已经有23年没和她讲过话了 Haven't talked to her in 23 years or so.
你得重新找个伴 You need to be with someone else.
你的妻子在25年前就离开了你 Your wife left you 25 years ago,
你却还没有走出来 and you haven't moved on yet.
为什么要我先来 How come I have to do this first?
因为你无所畏惧 Cause you have no fear of anything.
我害怕和人亲亲 I have a fear of kissing people.
嘿 那个是 Hey, that's--
噢 是Laurie呦 Oh, Laurie.
- 才不是Laurie - 就是你 Laurie - That's not Laurie. - Yes, it's on Laurie.
你知道吗 我当初不该离开他 You know, I wasn't supposed to leave him.
我应该呆在他身边的 You know, I was supposed to stay.
但是 Um...
一个人的忍耐是有限度的 But you can only push a person so far.
来个拥抱吗 Do you want a hug?
谢谢你 Thank you.
所以制药公司不希望我们知道 So the pharmaceutical companies don't want us to know
只要喝自己的尿就可以包治百病 that we can drink our own pee and that will cure every disease?
没错 That's right.
凭什么你可以跟个没事人 How come you got away with--
噢 是Ray Oh! Ray!
- 怎么了 - 和Elizabeth呦 - What? - Elizabeth.
在这一晚结束时 By the end of the night,
我感觉我交到了一些新朋友 I felt like I had made new friends.
来吧 兄弟 Let's do it, man.
早上4点15分 (登山14小时后)
很好玩的 It'll be fun.
你想来吗 You wanna come?
不 我要睡觉 No, I'm sleeping.
好了 现在是早上4点15分 All right, so it's 4:15 A.M.,
我准备在女士们的帐篷里搞点恶作剧 And I'm gonna go play a prank on the girls' tent.
我的天啊 Oh, my god.
不敢相信她就这么一直在帐篷里睡着 I can't believe she stayed asleep the whole way in the tent.
返利金额: 22.15美元
好了 现在是第二天 All right, day two.
- 你们准备好了吗 - 准备好了 - You ready? - We're ready.
早上7点40分 (登山17小时后)
我的表弟手握冰淇凌 My cousin holds ice cream.
我的叔叔维护交通秩序 My uncle reroutes traffic.
你会发现由我做成的花圈 You can find a wreath made of me
藏在祖母的阁楼之上 up in your grandma's attic.
我的花圈 A wreath of me--
我只能想到圣诞老人 Santa Claus is the only thing I can think of.
灯光吗 Lights?
- 我跟你们说实话吧 - 嗯 - Let me honest with you guys. - Yeah.
谜题不会结束的 This will never end.
当我开始这个计划时 When I began this thing,
我没想到我会遇见这么闲的三个人 I never thought that I would meet three people with so much free time
愿意和一个完全陌生的人在山顶上露营 that they'd be willing to camp out On the top of a mountain with a complete stranger
只为省下13美元的油费 just to save $13 on gas.
但我确实遇到了 But I did.
而那三个人最后却变成了 And those three people turned out to be
我遇到过的最棒的三个人 three of the most fantastic people I've ever met.
在过去的24小时里 Over the past 24 hours,
我们都得到了比返利更宝贵的东西 we've all gained something even more valuable than a rebate
友情 Friendship.
- 阿门 - 完全同意 - Amen. - I totally agree.
那我们不如就以朋友的身份一起下山吧 So what do you say we all go down this mountain as friends?
好 Yes.
把我们的友情存进银行 而不是返利 And take that to the bank instead of the rebate?
因为实话实说 Because to be perfectly honest,
根本没有返利箱这回事儿 there is no rebate box.
我就知道没有返利箱 I knew that there was no rebate box.
嗯 我们同意你说的 Well, we agree with you,
我们在这收获的友情已经非常珍贵了 the friendship that we gained here is just incredible,
所以 咱们下山吧 So let's go down the mountain.
好的 来吧 All right, come.
我真的挺喜欢他们的 I really did like these guys.
但话说回来 But in the end,
公事就是公事 business is business.
塞万加油站 返利箱
第二天 我回到了塞万加油站 The next day, I headed back to Sevan gas
去和Daniel做跟进 to follow up with Daniel.
怎么样 So?
是起效了 It works,
不过还是看看有多少人真的会来领返利吧 but let's see how many people gonna come and pick up the rebate.
噢 有一个 Oh, we got one.
Nathan Fielder Nathan Fielder.
这不是你嘛 Nathan Oh, that's you. Nathan.
只有一个人 这多棒啊 是不是 Only one person, which is pretty good, you know?
返利金额:16.54美元
你想拿返利 是吧 You wanna get your rebate, huh?
没错 Yeah, yeah.
16.54美元 $16.54.
我做了所有这些疯狂的事 I did this whole crazy thing
为了让人们不会来领返利 so people wouldn't redeem the rebate.
但到了最后 But really in the end,
我发现比这一切更重要的 what I realized is that more important than any of this
是友情 is friendship.
噢 说得对 Oh, that's right.
通过这次经历 我交到了很多不错的朋友 And doing this I made some very good friends.
Ray Premus就是其中一个 Ray Premus was one of them.
谁 Who?
- Ray Premus - 噢 - Ray Premus. - Oh.
他甚至愿意喝尿 He was willing to drink pee.
- 尿 - 没错 - Pee? - Yeah.
谁的尿 Whose pee?
随便一个人的 No, just anyone's pee.
- 任何人的 - 他说里面没有细菌 - Anyone's pee? - He says there's no germs.
也许他们可以喝我外孙的尿 Maybe they can drink my grandson's pee.
非常的干净 It's very clean.
如何 Yeah?
- 为什么 - 因为很干净啊 - Why... - Because it's clean.
为什么要喝我的或者你的尿呢 Why drink my pee or your pee?
你在推销你外孙的尿啊 You're promoting your grandson's pee.
没错 因为外孙的尿有时还挺有用 I am promoting because grandson's pee sometimes helps.
真的有用 It really helps.
你喝过你外孙的尿吗 Have you drank your grandson's pee?
- 喝过啊 - 为什么 - Yeah. - Why?
我当时很害怕 I was scared.
什么叫你很害怕 What do you mean you were scared?
有时候你可能会很害怕一些东西 Yeah, sometimes you're scared for something.
你到底在说啥 What are you talking about?
意外或者什么的 Accident or something,
你喝外孙的尿 you drink the grandson's pee,
就会对你有帮助 and it's gonna help you.
我无法理解 I don't understand.
为什么喝外孙的尿会很对你有帮助 Why does it help you if you drink your grandson's pee?
他们就是这么说的 That's what they say, yeah.
- 谁说的 - 我外婆 - Who says that? - My grandma.
- 你的外婆说 - 很久以前说的 - Your grandma said... - Long time ago, yeah.
如果你害怕的话就喝你外孙的尿吗 you drink your grandson's pee if you get scared?
不一定是外孙的 小孩子的都可以 Not grandson's. Any little kid.
随便一个 You drink any--
只要不超过五岁 Not over age of five.
因为一旦超过了五岁 Because before over age of five,
就会很难喝 it's terrible.
- 我从没有 - 我没有开玩笑 - I have never... - I am serious about it.
但是为什么 But why...
如果你感到害怕 Yeah, if you're scared,
你去喝小孩子的尿 you drink the small child's pee.
会很有用的 我外婆告诉我的 It helps. I heard from my grandma.
你可以问下你的父母或者祖父母 You can ask your parents or grandparents.
说不定他们也会这么告诉你 Maybe they tell you too.
也许吧 我会去问的 I will ask, I guess.
谢谢你出的主意 Thank you for giving this idea.
*我身处另一个时区* *Now I'm in another time zone*
*你身处另一个空间* *Now you're in another space*
*宝贝我夜不能寐 我会如何知晓* *I was up baby what would I have known*
*如果你还在我身旁* *If you'd be here today*
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