翻译: 杨三俗 柯希莫的枷锁 Yacolic
我叫Nathan Fielder My name is Nathan Fielder,
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一 and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
校对: 犯尴尬癌的濑成一
学业成绩单
并且成绩优异 with really good grades.
如今 我运用我的学识 Now, I'm using my knowledge
后期: 后半段尴尬预警
来帮助挣扎求生的小企业主 to help struggling small business owners
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功 make it in this competitive world.
压制: 肉包
改造前
改造后
面包和糕点
总监: Filosa法官R.I.P
改造前
改造后
面包糕点
这 This...
电波诚译
第二季 第二集
救援 高手
就是救援高手 is Nathan for You.
每年有超过1000万游客到好莱坞观光 Over 10 million tourists visit Hollywood each year,
纪念品商店竞相出售那些 and souvenir shops compete hard to sell them items
大多数人觉得买了很尴尬的东西 that most would consider embarrassing to own.
但在纪念品行业中 位置就是一切 But in the souvenir game, location is everything.
这就是距离主商业区五个街区远的 And that's why, tucked away nearly five blocks from the main strip,
洛杉矶之光在苦苦挣扎的原因 L.A. Fame is struggling.
这是个悲伤的故事 由于生意惨淡 It's a sad tale, and with business this slow,
店主John Kim很难找到用来吹嘘的东西 owner John Kim has a tough time finding things to boast about.
最近 人鼠之间有个成员来买过东西 Recently, we had someone from Of Mice & Men come in--
洛杉矶之光经理
来自 呃 他们是个摇滚乐队 from the--they're a rock band.
现在还挺流行的 That's pretty popular right now.
但是除此之外 你知道的 But other than that, you know...
所以我去拜访了John看看是否能帮上忙 So I paid John a visit to see if I could help.
你为什么戴着头套 Why are you wearing a touk?
什么头套 A touk? What--
- 这个 - 噢 - This. - Oh.
你管它叫什么 What do you call it?
这是个便帽 所以那是 It's a beanie. So that's--
我是加拿大人 我们管它叫头套 I'm from canada. We call it a "Touk".
- 哦 好吧 - 是的没错 - Oh, okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
嗯 我现在有点冷而已 Yeah, I'm just cold right now.
所以我戴着它 That's why I'm wearing it.
- 哦哦 这样啊 - 是啊 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
- 真不错 - 是啊 - That's cool. - Yeah.
我的任务是吸引更多游客来洛杉矶之光 My mission was to attract more tourists to L.A. Fame.
任务:
吸引游客 来洛杉矶之光
如果你去好莱坞观光 If you're visiting hollywood,
没有什么比近距离欣赏电影的魔力更让人兴奋了 there's nothing more exciting than seeing the magic of the movies up close.
所以如果John重新设计他的门面 So if John redesigned his storefront
让它看起来像是一直有超级大片在这里拍摄 to make it look like a blockbuster movie was always being shot there,
商业中心的每个游客都会聚集到洛杉矶之光 every tourist on the strip would flock to L.A. Fame
来近距离观看拍摄 to see the action up close.
接下来我只要为每位游客提供一个电影里的角色即可 Then all I need to do is offer each tourist a part in the movie.
什么角色呢 Their role?
一家纪念品商店的付费顾客 A paying customer at a souvenir shop.
好的 好的 Okay, okay.
- 游客们会很兴奋 - 是啊 - Tourists get very excited... - Yeah.
碰到名人啊电影片场啥的 around celebrities and movie sets,
然后他们就无法理性思考 so they wouldn't think rationally.
对 Yeah.
一旦你这儿有了人群 Once you have the crowd here,
卖给他们东西就很容易了 it becomes very easy to sell to them.
嗯 可能吧 Yeah, maybe.
John同意了 John was onboard,
所以为了把洛杉矶之光尽可能布置得像真正的电影片场 so to make L.A. Fame look as much like a real movie set as possible,
我租了一些灯光和设备 I rented some lights and equipment
并将它们安置在他的店外 and set them up outside of his shop.
接下来 为了激发游客对这部电影的兴趣 Next, to make the movie truly exciting for tourists,
我聘请了专业的约翰尼·德普模仿者Ronnie Rodriguez I hired professional Johnny Depp impersonator Ronnie rodriguez,
希望从远处看时别人会相信他是约翰尼 who I hoped would convincingly pass for the real Johnny from a distance.
我还雇佣了一个比较差的约翰尼·德普模仿者 I also hired a worse Johnny depp impersonator
作为替身演员 to act as a stand-in,
让Ronnie在对比下看上去更真 and make Ronnie look better by comparison.
一切就位之后 With everything in place,
假电影拍摄便开始了 the fake movie shoot began.
开拍 Action.
当我假装在导演的时候 As I pretended to direct,
游客们慢慢地聚了过来 tourists slowly began to gather.
停 Cut.
我们再来一次 Let's do another take of that.
刚才很不错 伙计们 That was really good, guys.
人们开始因为我们的明星而激动万分 And excitement was building around our celebrity star.
他入戏的方式非常厉害
是的 他超棒的 没错 Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah.
比如杰克船长 他真的
没错
我来自南方的一个小镇
所以很开心能在好莱坞
看到片场
这不是你每天都能见到的事
一旦我们给他们看一眼约翰尼 And once we gave them a tiny peek of Johnny...
约翰尼 Johnny.
他们就会任我摆布 they were putty in my hands.
是时候卖些纪念品了 And it was time to sell some souvenirs.
大家好 Hi, everyone.
如你们所见 我们正在这拍摄一部电影 So as you can see, we're filming a movie here.
电影名叫<天网> It's called The Web.
讲的是一个由约翰尼·德普饰演的黑客 It's about a hacker, played by Johnny Depp,
他必须黑进一颗小行星 who has to hack into an asteroid
以阻止它和地球相撞 to stop it from hitting the earth.
好的 Okay.
这么做虽然不是很正规 So this is a little bit unorthodox,
但是这个场景我们需要一些群众演员 but we need some extras to be in the scene.
我不知道 可以吗 有人感兴趣吗 I don't know-- is that okay? Is anyone interested?
这儿 Right here!
真的吗 哇哦 Really? Oh, wow.
由于不差志愿者 With no shortage of volunteers,
我把他们一个个带进片场进行指导 I had them brought to set one at a time to give them their direction.
让我给你解释一下你要做什么 Let me just explain to you what you have to do.
走进商店 买个东西 然后离开 Go into the store, buy an item, and then leave.
好的 没问题 Okay, cool.
好的 那么 听我口令 准备好了吗 Okay, so, on action. Ready?
- 好了 - 开拍 - Yes. - Action.
你不用走那么快的 先生 You don't have to go so fast, sir.
- 你可以慢一点 - 好的 - You can slow down. - Okay.
这可能不是一个能拿奥斯卡奖的表演 It might not have been an Oscar-worthy performance...
6.53美元 $6.53.
但是我们今天的第一个顾客开心地离开了 but our first customer of the day left happy.
- 谢谢你 - 好的 谢谢你 - Thank you. - Okay, thank you.
祝你今天愉快 Have a nice day.
我给了每个群演一些指导 I gave each extra some direction
并让他们执行 and let them run with it.
所以我需要你走进去 So I need you to go in there,
挑个东西 买下来 然后离开 pick out an item, buy it, and then leave.
- 好的 - 好 - Okay. - Okay.
好的 我需要你走进去 Okay, so I need you to go in there,
买点东西 然后离开 buy something, then leave.
- 好的 - 好 - Okay. - Okay.
我的计划进行得很顺利 My plan was working beautifully,
有着稳定的消费游客流量 as tourists were buying items in a steady stream.
这个场景是假的 但这些销售是真的 The scene was fake, but these sales were real,
而且顾客对他们购买的物品也很满意 and customers were thrilled with their purchases.
你付钱了吗 Did you pay for that?
付了 Yeah.
好 那就是你的了 Okay, so it's yours then.
哦 Oh.
但每笔交易数额都很小 But each transaction was just for a small amount,
所以我代替了John的位置来向他展示 so I took John's place to show him
怎样才能让顾客花更多的钱 how he could get customers to spend more.
哦 你好 Suzanne警官 Oh, hello, officer Suzanne.
嗨 Hi.
黑客调查进展如何 How's the hacker investigation going?
呃 等等 你想让我说什么 Um-- wait, what do you want me to say?
噢 就说 "还没有线索" Oh, just say, "No leads yet."
好的 Okay.
继续吧 Go ahead.
哦 目前完全没线索 所以 Oh, no leads yet at all, so...
- 好吧 - 没错 - Okay. - Mm-hmm.
好吧 这些是你让我帮你预留的东西 Well, I have the stuff you asked me to put aside.
嗯哼 Mm-hmm.
一共87美元 That'll be $87, please.
好的 Okay.
给你 Here we are.
哦 谢谢你 Oh, thank you.
不用客气 You're very welcome.
你是真的在刷我的卡吗 Are you actually charging it to my card?
- 你出戏了 - 好吧 - You're breaking character. - Okay.
- 说"谢谢"就行 - 谢谢 - Just say, "Thank you." - Thank you.
好的 行了 Okay, yes.
一笔87美元的交易对一家纪念品商店来说是前所未有的 $87 in a single transaction was unprecedented for a souvenir shop.
但很快我就发现并没有那么容易脱身 But I soon discovered I wasn't in the clear yet.
所以你是有问题吗 还是 So you had a question about something or...
是啊 我是说 我不想要这些东西 但是 Yeah, I mean, I don't want this stuff, but--
- 哦 你想退款是吗 - 是的 - Oh, do you want a refund? - Yeah.
我有预想到人们会想要回他们的钱 I had anticipated that people might want their money back,
于是我想出了一个对策希望能让他们重新考虑 so I came up with a plan that would hopefully make them reconsider.
- 这部电影由约翰尼·德普主演 - 是的 - This movie stars Johnny Depp. - Yeah.
我不知道你是否了解 I don't know if you knew,
- 但他刚才在看你那组镜头 - 嗯哼 - but he was watching the footage... - Yeah.
通过监视器看的 on the monitor view,
而且他认为你是 呃 演得最自然的女演员 and he just thought you were, like, the most natural actress.
- 你以前演过戏吗 - 从来没有 - Have you acted before? - No, never.
- 从没演过吗 - 是的 - You've never? - Mm-mm.
如果你想的话 我也许能带你去见见他 If you want, I might be able to get you in there to meet him.
好啊 如果他不介意的话 那就 Yeah, if he doesn't mind, I mean...
是啊 没问题 Yeah, I mean...
好的 Okay.
- 约翰尼 - 嗯 - Johnny? - Yes?
你方便吗 You decent?
嘿 Hey.
Johnny 这是Carter 你刚才提到的女演员 Johnny, this is Carter, the actress you just--
- 你好吗 - 很高兴见到你 - How are you? - Nice to meet you.
- 我也很高兴认识你 - 你好吗 - Nice to meet you too. - How you doing?
- 我很好 - 哇哦 所以 - I'm good. - Wow, so...
我听说你那场戏演得很好 I heard you did a good job on the scene.
哦 谢谢你 Oh, thank you.
你是 你是他的粉丝吗 还是 Are you a-- you're a fan of his, or...
- 当然了 - 哦 真的吗 - Of course. - Oh, really?
我当然是了 Of course I am.
谁都看过<加勒比海盗>吧 Pirates of the caribbean, come on.
真的吗 Really?
- 太好了 - 哇 真的 - Good. - Good, it's a--
- 非常感谢你 - 很荣幸见到你 - Thank you very much. - Pleasure to meet you.
你想让他给你的东西签名吗 Do you want him to sign some stuff for you?
比如 这里的吗 Like, in here?
好啊 Yeah.
对了 等等 I mean-- oh, wait.
你不是 呃 想把那些退了吗 You did-- you wanted to return those?
- 哦 真的吗 - 那 - Oh, really? - Well--
如果他签了名东西就不能退了 所以 If he signs them, we can't return them, so...
是啊 那如果只签一个 你能不能 Yeah, well, if he signs one, can't you--
可以吗 还是不能 不能吗 Can you, or no? No?
他通常喜欢给所有东西都签上名 He usually likes to sign everything.
我可以 I can--
好吧 All right.
让我看看 Let me see.
我无法拒绝签名 是吧 I can't say no to an autograph, I mean...
"给我最亲爱的" 这里面应该装朗姆酒吧 "To my favorite--" rum should probably go in here.
真是紧张的15分钟啊 It was a tense 15 minutes
Ronnie给她篮子里的每件物品都签了名 as Ronnie signed everything in her basket.
那这部电影什么时候上映呢 So when is this movie supposed to be coming out?
呃 Um...
但最终她拿着所有纪念品开心地回家了 But in the end, she kept all her souvenirs and went home happy.
随着时间推移 And as the day progressed,
让顾客大额消费变得越来越容易 we got better and better at getting customers to make big purchases.
你的角色是一个爱花钱的顾客 Your character is a customer who loves to spend money.
他很富有 而且就喜欢买纪念品 He's rich, and he loves to just buy souvenirs.
那就是你的动机 So that's your motivation.
开拍 Action.
人们似乎乐于接受他们的角色 And people seemed to be embracing their roles.
我要给自己的富有颁个奥斯卡奖 I'm gonna give myself an Oscar for being so rich.
- 怎么样 - 没问题 - How's that? - All right.
经过这一天 Over the course of the day,
我们卖的纪念品数量破了记录 we sold a record number of souvenirs.
总共170.92美元 The total comes out to $170.92.
170美元 $170...
尽管签名很可能是假的 And even though the autographs may have been fake,
但这些普通人带回家的回忆将会持续一生 the memories these regular folks took home that day would last a lifetime.
那天结束时 And at the end of the day,
我想看看John是否打算继续采用我的促销方法 I wanted to see if John planned to keep using my sales method.
你会继续使用这个办法吗 Is this something you might want to keep doing?
呃 Um...
是吧 不 我是说 Yeah. No, I mean--
- 可能吧 可能 - 可能吗 那好吧 - Maybe. Maybe. Yeah. - Maybe? So-- okay.
- 是的 - 那太好了 - Yeah. - That's good.
不幸的是 那个约翰尼·德普的模仿者Ronnie Unfortunately, Ronnie, the Johnny Depp impersonator,
除了今天之外就没啥空闲了 has limited availability outside of today.
嗯哼 Right.
所以我找了另一个模仿者 也许可以代替他 So I found another impersonator that could replace him, perhaps,
- 如果你想继续这么做的话 - 好啊 - if you want to continue this. - Okay.
这是William This is William.
他是专业的比尔·盖茨模仿者 He's a professional Bill Gates impersonator.
哇哦 Okay.
不如你给他稍微表演一下吧 Why don't you give him a little taste of Bill?
没问题 来到这里很高兴 Yes, it's a pleasure to be here.
你知道吗 我们刚开始做电脑的时候 You know, when we started our computers,
呃 在80年代的时候 um, back in the '80s,
轰动一时 it was huge.
而我们的事业 And the business--
它们是巨大的机器 They were huge machines.
然后 我们 我在一个车库里开始创业 You know, we started-- I started in a garage.
好了 我觉得这样 这样就够了 Okay, I think that-- yeah, that's enough probably.
好嘞 嗯 你是靠这个谋生的吗 So, yeah, you do this for a living, right?
- 是的 先生 - 好吧 - Yes, sir. - Okay.
好了 我想我还是让你们自己来商定细节吧 Yeah, well, I'll leave you guys to work out the details, I guess.
- 行 - 接下来就交给你了 - Okay. - You can take it from here.
好嘞 很荣幸见到你 Yeah, great to meet you.
- 很荣幸见到你 - 好的 再见 - Great to meet you. - All right, see ya.
- 谢谢 - 谢谢 - Thank you. - Thank you.
呃 我想说 Um, I mean...
我希望每个人都买微软电脑 Well, I hope everybody buys Microsoft--
继续 继续我们的事业 Continues-- continue the business.
我们可以一直使用它 We can always use it,
对于我们取得的成就 我们非常感激 and we're so grateful that-- what we have accomplished.
好吧 Okay.
你有什么 What you--
呃 Um...
我觉得毋庸置疑的是 I assume this goes without saying,
在这个节目的制作过程中 but in making this show,
我要保证给小企业主出的主意百分百是合法的 I ensure that every idea I present to a business I help is completely, 100% legal.
然而 帮助洛杉矶之光之后这几个星期 However, in the weeks since helping L.A. Fame,
我发现该营销计划中有些环节 I discovered that certain elements of my marketing plan
有可能构成了欺诈 may have actually constituted fraud.
这可不太妙 And that's not good.
我帮完John之后 When I finished up with John,
我想当然地以为一切已经结束了 I assumed my work with his business was done.
但随后我们的制片厂收到了一些纪念品店顾客的邮件 But then our production began receiving several emails from souvenir shop customers
约翰尼·德普的电影
你知道什么时候上映吗？
询问我的假电影<天网>什么时候上映 asking when the Web, my fake movie, was coming out in theaters.
上映时间？
我的朋友们都不相信
不用急 但我们全家都很兴奋
我不知道该怎么回复这些邮件 Not knowing how to respond to these emails,
就去拜访了已退休的加州荣誉法官Anthony Filosa咨询意见 I met with retired California state judge, the honorable Anthony Filosa for some guidance.
这是欺诈罪 It's fraud.
本质上就是盗窃 Theft, basically.
- 盗窃和欺诈吗 - 是的 - Theft and fraud? - Yes.
你的行为是犯罪 What you did was a criminal offense.
退休司法委员
可能会按轻罪或者重罪进行处罚 It can be punished by a misdemeanor or by a felony
这取决于涉及到的金额 depending on the amount of money involved.
你是在向我承认 You're admitting to me that--
没有 我没承认任何事 No, I didn't admit anything.
你说了你并不打算拍一部电影 Well, you said that you did not intend to make a movie.
那我该怎么摆脱这个困境呢 So how do I get out of this?
你有两个选择 You have two options.
你可以主动退回那些钱 You could make an offer to refund the money.
这是一种选择 That would be one way.
或者 当然了 真的去拍这部电影 Or, of course, actually make the film.
那么如果<天网>是一部真正的电影 So if The Web were a real movie,
那我就没事了吗 then I would be covered?
是的 是的 Yes. Yes.
Filosa法官给了我一个摆脱欺诈指控的好方法 Judge Filosa had given me a great way to beat a fraud charge.
我打算把在洛杉矶之光拍的片段剪辑成一部电影 I'd edit the footage we shot at L.A. Fame into a movie,
但这项任务异常困难 but this task proved to be difficult.
因为全都是只有顾客的随机场景 并没有故事 It was all just random scenes with customers, no story.
我知道这样行不通 I knew this wouldn't hold up,
于是我花了一整晚写了一个剧本 so I spend the night writing a script
天网 作者
把顾客的镜头编排成清晰的故事线 that would weave the customer footage into a clear narrative.
Richard和他的女朋友Allison在一起
这可能是我们道别的唯一机会了
为了让故事更引人入胜 To make it more compelling,
不要啊 我好爱你
我也是 我们要接吻吗
我为自己的角色增加了一个爱情故事 I added a love story for my character
并选了一个女演员扮演我的女朋友 and cast an actress to play my girlfriend.
那周晚些时候 And later that week,
我们正式开始了<天网>的制作 we officially began production on The Web.
你之前在镜头前接过吻吗 或者 Have you ever done an on-camera kiss before, or...
- 嗯 接过 - 噢 是吗 - I have, yeah. - Oh, yeah? Yeah.
- 你呢 - 什么 - Have you? - What?
- 我说你呢 - 是啊 当然了 嗯嗯 接过 - Have you? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
那就好 Okay, cool.
其实并不是我们在接吻 It's not like we're kissing.
而是我们扮演的角色在接吻 It's like our characters are kissing.
- 噢 当然了 - 是啊是啊 - Oh, sure, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.
所以这根本 你懂的 So it's, like, you know,
这根本没什么大不了 it's not, like, a big deal or anything.
- 没错 - 嗯嗯 - No. - Yeah, yeah.
我们两个专业演员之间交谈了一番后 After some actor-to-actor talk,
便开始拍摄这个场景 we began the scene.
我真的好爱你 Richard I love you so much, Richard.
我也爱你 Allison I love you too, Allison.
过来吧 Come here.
我不知道没了你我该怎么办 I don't know what I'm gonna do without you.
我懂 I know.
我之前从没这么做过 I haven't done this before.
没事的 It's okay.
一开始并不顺利 因为我一直处于高度紧张状态 It was a bit of a rocky start as my nerves kept getting in the way.
随着拍摄次数的增多 And as the takes went on,
我变得难以保持角色 I was having trouble staying in character
因为我真的很享受和她接吻 because I was really enjoying the kisses.
但随着时间推移 我们之间的化学反应变得很自然 But with time, our chemistry became very natural.
然后又把Ronnie叫回来拍了一些额外场景之后 And after calling Ronnie back to shoot some additional scenes,
我感觉这能凑成一部还算合理的电影 I felt like we had enough to make a somewhat logical film.
于是我回去找Filosa法官 给他放了整部电影 So I returned to judge Filosa and showed him the entire movie
让他判断我们是否能洗脱罪名 to see if we were in the clear.
就这些吗 So this is it?
这只是粗剪版本 It's a rough cut.
如果这就是你的辩护 If this is your defense
把它放给陪审团看的话 and it's in front of a jury,
他们会大笑着把你轰出法庭的 they'd laugh you out of the courtroom.
但这 But this--
你说任何东西都可以成为一部电影啊 You said anything can be a movie.
不 但我 No, but I--
我觉得一部电影怎么都得有一些情节 I'm assuming a movie has to have some kind of a plot.
这里面有情节啊 There's a plot.
什么情节 What's the plot?
- 他会用黑客技术拯救世界 - 花式逛商店吗 - He would save the world through hacking. - Going into a store?
Filosa法官的反应开始让我担忧起来 Judge Filosa's reaction was beginning to worry me,
但随后他又给了我一线希望 but then he offered a glimmer of hope.
如果这部电影被演艺圈的人认同且获奖的话 那我 If it was accepted by the showbiz community as a movie and won an award, then I--
法庭就不得不将其考虑在内 不是吗 The court would have to take that into consideration, wouldn't it?
他说得对 He was right.
获奖是可以让我的电影稍微可信一点的完美方法 Winning an award was the perfect way to make my movie somewhat credible.
于是我把<天网>的拷贝盘寄给了几个电影节 So I sent copies of the Web to several film festivals
希望它能进入竞赛单元 in the hope it would be accepted into competition.
但除了拒信我什么都没收到 But after getting nothing but rejection letters,
看上去我只剩一个选择了 it seems like I only had one option left:
举办我自己的电影节 To start a film festival of my own.
于是我想了个名字 徽标和报名表 So I came up with a name, logo, and entry form,
并把<天网>递交到了短片单元中 and then submitted The Web in the short film category.
但如果没有电影界名人的站台 But an award from my festival would mean nothing
我电影节的奖项将不具任何意义 without a respected name from the film industry involved.
于是我打了几个电话 So I made some calls...
我个人是你作品的忠实粉丝 Personally, I am a huge fan of your work.
并成功找到了奥斯卡获奖影片 and was able to land the second unit script supervisor
<雌雄大盗>第二摄制组的场记 from the Oscar-winning movie Bonnie and Clyde
来评价参展影片 to judge the films.
呃 我没有看到任何连续性上的失误 You know, I didn't see any continuity errors at all.
谢谢你 Thank you.
场记是负责这个的对吧 Is that what a script supervisor does?
我现在需要的是至少一部其他电影 All I needed now was at least one other film
使<天网>有机会击败它 that The Web would have a chance of beating.
经过一番搜索之后 我找到了一位竞争对手 And after a bit of searching, I found a contender--
一段只有一个男人在放屁的九十秒视频 A 90-second clip of nothing but a man farting.
场地也确定好之后 And with a venue secured,
是时候让电影节开始了 it was time for the festival to begin.
来参加电影节的人并不多 Turnout to my festival was slim，
只有住在附近的几个人买了票 with only a few people from the neighborhood buying tickets.
但最重要的是我们的行业资深评审到场了 But the only thing that mattered was that our industry judge had arrived.
当Crayton坐到位置上时 是时候开始放映了 And with Crayton in his seat, it was time to start the show.
欢迎来到第一届 Welcome to the first annual
东洛杉矶国际电影节 Eastern Los Angeles International Film Festival.
今天是短片竞赛日 Today is the short film competition.
我无比激动地向大家介绍评选本届入选短片的人 And I'm excited to announce that judging our selection of shorts
他就是行业传奇Crayton Smith is industry legend Crayton Smith.
你们可能认识他 Who you might know from
他是<雌雄大盗>的场记 being the script supervisor on Bonnie and Clyde.
所以如果他选择了一部影片作为赢家 So you know if he picks a film as the winner,
那绝对是一部货真价实的电影 it's definitely a real film.
过来一下 Just a second.
噢 Oh.
我只是<雌雄大盗>第二摄制组的 所以 Bonnie and Clyde, I was just the second unit, so...
只是第二摄制组吗 Just second unit?
我不在制作人员名单里 I had no credit or anything.
但IMDb上有记录你是<雌雄大盗>的制作人员 You're credited on IMDb for Bonnie and Clyde.
但是<日落黄沙>的片尾里有我的名字 所以 But on The Wild Bunch, my credit is on the screen and...
噢 好的 知道了 Oh, okay, sure.
所以你更偏向让我提<日落黄沙>吗 So The Wild Bunch you'd rather me say?
嗯 那样不错 Yeah, that's fine.
Crayton刚才告诉我事实上 So Crayton just informed me that actually
他以场记的身份在<日落黄沙>的片尾名单里出现过 he was credited as a script supervisor on The Wild Bunch,
但他确实为<雌雄大盗>工作过 but did work on Bonnie and Clyde,
只是没有被列进去 but was not credited.
好的 首先是一部科幻惊悚片 Okay, first up, we have a sci-fi thriller
叫做<天网> called The Web.
请欣赏 Please enjoy.
天网
好莱坞 加州
周末也来工作吗 Kip Coming in on weekends now, Kip?
我是个黑客 Mel 不是懒鬼 I'm a hacker, Mel, not a slacker.
警察已经开始怀疑了 Cops are getting suspicious.
你应该有个自己的办公室 You should get your own office.
别再用我的后屋了 Stop using my back room.
管你嘞 老太婆 Whatever, grandma.
好了 现在是黑客时间 All right, it's hacking time.
谢谢 Thank you.
祝你今天开心 Have a good day.
嘿 老大 你看过这个了吗 Hey, boss, did you see this?
微软将微型芯片放入小行星来控制它们 Microsoft's been putting microchips into asteroids to control them.
这肯定不是什么好事 This can't be good.
你应该告诉Kip You should tell Kip.
没错 Right.
你在打什么算盘 盖茨先生 What are you up to, Mr. Gates?
该死 警察来了 Crap, the cops are here.
你快想办法 我去分散他们的注意力 Let me distract them while you figure this out.
好的 Okay, cool.
哦 你好 Suzanne警官 Oh, hello, officer Suzanne.
嗨 Hi.
黑客调查进展如何 How's the hacker investigation going?
继续吧 Go ahead.
噢 完全没有线索 所以 Oh, no leads yet at all, so...
好吧 一共87美元 Okay. That'll be $87, please.
微软总部
雷德蒙德 华盛顿州
危险 Danger.
小行星微型芯片故障 Asteroid microchip malfunction.
糟了 Oh, no.
我到底做错了什么 What have I done wrong?
我真不敢相信 I can't believe this.
我付出了那么多努力 I've worked so hard
为了完成这个电脑项目 to get this computer project going.
危险!
小行星即将撞上地球
这简直闻所未闻 This is unheard of.
发生了什么 What's going on?
看起来有小行星正沿着一条直线轨道撞向地球 It looks like there are asteroids on a straight trajectory towards earth.
五分钟后我们都会死 We'll all be dead in five minutes.
你在说些什么 What are you talking about?
那里面有一个微型芯片 There's a microchip in there.
你不能侵入它吗 Can't you hack it?
我尽力而为吧 I'll do my best.
该死 我还有个女朋友 Crap, I have a girlfriend.
抱歉在你上班时打给你 Sorry I had to call you away from work.
这可能是小行星撞击之前我们最后道别的机会了 This just might be our last chance to say good-bye before the asteroid hits.
不要啊 Oh, no.
我好爱你 Richard I love you so much, Richard.
我也爱你 Allison I love you too, Allison.
过来吧 Come here.
我入侵的速度比以前更快 I hacked faster than I've ever hacked before.
有关小行星的消息传出后 When word of the asteroid got out,
人们争相抢购补给品 people were racing to get supplies.
每个人都想要纪念品以记住地球 Everyone wanted souvenirs so they could remember the earth.
人们都很伤心 And people were sad.
噢 Oh.
愤怒的暴徒在街上聚集 Angry mobs formed on the street.
我成功阻止这颗小行星的可能性很小 The odds of me stopping this asteroid were slim,
但我必须试试 but I had to try.
授予访问小行星权限 Asteroid access granted.
轨道已重新编程 Trajectory has been reprogrammed.
我做到了 I did it.
你拯救了世界 Kip You saved the world, Kip.
<天网>的反响和预期一样 The Web went over as expected,
现在是时候让我拿下今晚的最佳影片了 and now it was time to seal my fate as the best film of the night.
我们下一个短片是部纪录片 Our next short is a documentary
叫做<我随意放屁> called Me Farting On Command.
我随意放屁
我希望这部放屁电影达到了目的 My hope was that the fart movie served its purpose.
因为现在放映已经结束 Because now that the screening was over,
该由我们的评审来决定最佳短片得主了 it was up to our judge to pick the best short.
我紧张地等待着他的决定 And I nervously awaited his decision.
好了 拿去吧 Okay, here you go.
好的 All right.
选择了<天网> Selected The Web.
是的 I did.
好嘞 All right.
给我颁发这个奖项 Hand me this award...
- 好的 - 最佳短片奖 - All right. - For best short film.
现在就给你吗 Hand it to you now?
- 噢 没错 - 好吧 呃 这个 - Oh, yeah. - Okay, uh, this--
你不需要演讲什么的 You don't need a speech or anything, yeah.
- 好的 - 谢谢您 - Good. - Thank you.
我做到了 I did it.
有了这个奖项 And with the award in hand,
就可以证明洛杉矶之光的营销计划是完全合法的 we now had proof that my marketing plan for L.A. Fame was 100% legal.
我在这的工作完成了 My work here was done,
但我还想跟一个人分享这个好消息 but there was one more person I wanted to share the good news with.
我为我电影的成功而感到骄傲 I was so proud of my movie's success
我迫不及待地想告诉我的搭档 Jessee and I couldn't wait to tell my costar, Jessee.
我不知道你听没听说 我们拍的电影得了个奖 I don't know if you know, but the film we did actually won an award.
- 什么 - 是的 - What? - Yeah.
什么奖 What award?
东洛杉矶国际电影节 Eastern Los Angeles International Film Festival.
- 哇哦 真是好消息啊 - 是挺好的 嗯 - All right, that's exciting. - It's exciting, yeah.
挺不错的 Pretty good.
是啊 Yeah, yeah.
还有就是 有一件事 Anyways, there was something
我其实想跟你谈一谈 I wanted to actually talk to you about.
当我们拍摄 When we did that--
那场吻戏的时候 the kissing scene that we did.
我跟你说我进入了角色 And I told you I was in character,
但那可能是个谎言 but that might have been a lie.
好吧 没关系啊 Well, that's okay.
我想我可能掺进了一些个人的情感 I feel like there might have been some of me in there,
而我想问你的是 and I guess I was wondering
你在拍那场吻戏的时候 if when you did the kiss...
其中有多少是角色需要 how much of that was your character
有多少是你本人意愿 and how much of that was you?
呃 Uh...
你的意思是 我 You meaning did I, like--
我想要吻你吗 did I want to kiss you?
作为我本人Jessee Me, Jessee?
是的 Yeah.
呃 Uh...
我的意思是 I mean,
那只是一个吻而已 it wasn't a big deal.
但我可能不会在大街上逮到你 But I probably wouldn't grab you on the street
然后就无缘无故和你接吻 and just kiss you out of nowhere.
谢谢你告诉我 可能吧 Good to know, I guess.
- 没关系 - 好的 - Yeah. - Yeah.
在那一刻 我为Jessee感到难过 In that moment, I felt sorry for Jessee.
与另一个人类分享一个吻却毫无感觉 To share a kiss with another human and feel nothing
可以说活得很糟糕了 is a horrible way to live.
在我开车回家的时候 As I drove home,
我终于明白了当一个游客是什么感觉 I finally understood what it felt like to be a tourist.
满怀希望地前往某处 Going somewhere with so much hope
却只能带着纪念品离开 and leaving with nothing but a souvenir.
我感觉我现在随时都会醒来 Feel like I'm gonna wake up any minute
而这些都没发生 所以 and this didn't happen, so...
哇 Wow.
是啊 Yeah.
你愿意吻我的手吗 Would you kiss my hand?
好啊 我愿意吻你的手 Yeah, I'd kiss your hand.
- 好了 - 好家伙 - There you go. - Good guy.
- 妥妥的 - 谢谢你 Mike - All right. - Thanks, Mike.
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