翻译: 毛毛 鱼罐头
校对: 濑成一
我叫Nathan Fielder My name is Nathan Fielder,
后期: pendz
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一 and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
学业成绩单
并且成绩优异 with really good grades.
压制: 肉包
如今 我运用我的学识 Now, I'm using my knowledge
来帮助挣扎求生的小企业主 to help struggling small business owners
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功 make it in this competitive world.
总监: pendz
改造前
改造后
面包和糕点
改造前
改造后
面包糕点
这 This...
救援 高手
电波诚译
第二季 第四集
就是救援高手 is Nathan for You.
Nabil Khalil是醇香广场酒品店的店主 Nabil Khalil is the owner of Bouquet Plaza Liquor
位于加州圣克拉丽塔市 in Santa Clarita, California.
每天他都要面对一个已困扰卖酒店主们多年的问题 And every day, he deals with a problem that has vexed liquor store owners for years.
我们总能遇见进店试图买酒的青少年 We always have teenager trying to come and buy alcohol.
醇香广场酒品店店主
我们也总是拒绝这种生意 We always refuse the sale.
但在我看来 But as far as I'm concerned,
不管什么生意都不该对掏钱的顾客拒之不理 no business should ever have to turn away a paying customer,
所以我前去帮助Nabil解决问题 so I paid Nabil a visit to help him out.
每一次你拒绝来买酒的青少年 Every time you turn away a teenager who's trying to buy alcohol,
你都要失去一份销售额 you're losing a sale.
是的 因为这是法律要求的 Yes, because that's what the law is.
那么从现在开始 你允许青少年买酒 So, from now on, you allow them to purchase it,
但他们在满21岁之前不准把酒带回家 but they just can't take it home until they're 21.
青少年想买酒的主要原因 The main reason teenagers want booze
啤酒
就是向朋友们显摆自己很酷 is to look cool to their friends.
哇塞!
所以Nabil只要让未成年人买酒 So if nabil let minors purchase alcohol,
之后将其锁在一个存储柜里 but then held it in a storage locker
直到他们21岁生日那天 until their 21st birthday,
醇香广场酒品店就会迎来一大批未成年新客 Bouquet Plaza Liquor would gain a ton of new underage customers,
然后他们就可以向朋友炫耀自己有酒了 who could then brag to their friends that they own booze.
我有啤酒!
计划是 向未成年人卖酒以增加销量 The plan: increase business by selling alcohol to minors.
计划:
向未成年人 销售酒品
说不定行吧 但那个年纪的小孩 Could be possible, but when you get close to that age,
肯定不会想只拿着一张凭证 上面写着 definitely, you don't want a voucher that says,
"棒耶 我拥有几瓶酒" "Oh, yes, I own couple bottle of liquor."
但是酒在哪呢 他们会想真正拿到手 But where they are? So they want to have it.
呃 无意冒犯 但是 Well, no offense, but, you know,
我离青少年时期肯定比你更近一些 I'm a bit closer to my teenage years than you are,
所以我认为我了解现在年轻人的想法 so I think I know what youth these days want.
如果他们真能感受到"我有酒啦"的喜悦 If they get the happiness of "Yes, I have it.",
那这确实是个好办法 that would be great.
Nabil采纳了我的想法 With nabil on board,
于是我制作了类似于外套寄存服务的酒品标签 I created some tags that would work like a coat check system for alcohol.
这样未成年人就可以在满21岁时拿回他们的酒 So minors could reclaim their booze from storage once they turn 21.
现在我要向年轻人散布这个消息 Now I had to get the word out to young people.
所以我安排了和当地青年棒球联盟主席的会面 So I arranged a meeting with the chair of a local youth Little League
希望能够达成赞助协议 in the hopes of landing a sponsorship deal.
你是真的想打条幅宣称"我们向未成年人卖酒"吗 You seriously are talking about putting a banner that says, "We sell liquor to minors."?
洛杉矶东北部少棒联盟筹款人
但实际上这些未成年人在21岁之前没法把酒带走 These minors don't actually get to take home the alcohol till they're 21.
我明白你的意思 Well, I do understand it,
但我可能不想让这种事和我们少棒联盟扯上关系 but I'm not sure that I agree with tying that up to our Little League.
你明白我的意思吗 Do you understand what I'm saying?
我不知道这会不会改变你的看法 I don't know if this helps in any way,
但我们愿意为联盟里每一个孩子免费提供一瓶杜松子酒 but we'd also be willing to offer a free bottle of gin to every kid in the league.
不行 非常抱歉 No, I'm sorry.
那谢谢你抽空见我 Thank you for your time, then.
也谢谢你的资助提议 Well, thank you for your offer.
- 嗯哼 - 我相信你能找到别的方法 - Yeah. - I'm sure it'll work out.
- 天哪 - 怎么了 - Oh, no. - What?
- 这是干什么 - 这个 - What is this for? - This--
这是干嘛的 What is this for?
噢 这太过分了 Oh, no, no, no.
不行 但还是非常谢谢你 No, no. Thank you very much, though.
- 你真的 - 让我送你出去吧 - Are you... - Let me show you out.
- 不是 你确定吗 - 是的 我们没什么好谈的了 - No, no, are you sure? - Yeah, yeah. We're done.
赞助这条路行不通了 With sponsorship off the table,
我得换种方式打开青少年市场 I needed a different way to reach the youth market.
所以我雇了个青年演员扮成学生 So I hired a teen actor to pose as a student
到当地一所高中把这个消息散布出去 to get the word spreading at a local high school.
一会呢 在你谈到酒水店的话题之前 So right off the bat, you know, before you talk about the liquor store or anything,
你得先拉近关系 you got to establish a rapport
让和你交谈的青少年觉得你很酷 so the teens you're talking to think you're cool.
- 好的 - 也许你可以谈谈学校生活有多糟糕 - Okay. - So maybe talk about how school sucks, you know,
或者网络世界有多精彩之类的 or a bit about how the Internet's awesome or something.
再掺点脏字进去 And throw in some swear words too.
来试试吧 So try that.
伙计 还好吗 Hey, man, what's up?
哥们 现在的互联网可牛逼了 Hey, dude, that Internet these days is so dope.
相反上学就贼没劲 Man, school sucks, dude.
还不如成天在网上泡着 You can just go on the stinking Internet.
Connor接受完培训之后 我给他反戴上帽子 With Connor trained, I gave him a backwards hat
再加上太阳镜让他看起来更酷一些 and sunglasses so he would look cooler.
之后我把他送进学校开始散布消息 Then I sent him onto school property to begin spreading the word.
网上好玩吗 伙计 最近怎么样 So how about that internet, man? What's up?
老师烦死个人 但上网真有意思 是不 Oh, the teacher sucks, but the internet rules, you know?
是这样的 我有一个好消息 So, anyways, I got this cool tip.
沿着这条街有一家酒水店 There's this liquor store down the block.
名字叫醇香广场酒品店 It's called Bouquet Plaza Liquor Store,
它向未成年人卖酒 and it sells alcohol to minors.
好嘞 我接着逃课去了 Okay, I got to go back to skipping class.
Connor在学校传播消息的同时 With Connor working the school,
我回到了醇香广场 I headed back to Bouquet Plaza,
准备好迎接未成年顾客 ready to receive our underage customers.
我们向未成年人售酒
不到几分钟 就有人来了 And within minutes, they began to arrive.
你看到外面的牌子了吗 Did you read the sign outside?
- 那个 你看了吗 - 是真的吗 - That's, did you... - That's real?
是啊 Yeah.
没错 想喝什么随便你挑 Yeah, yeah. You can go grab some if you want.
你想去那边拿点酒啊什么的 You want to go ahead and grab yourself some alcohol or something?
那是得挑点 I mean, I guess so.
- 瞧瞧你选了什么 - 看这一大瓶 - Look what you got, huh? - Look at that.
- 一升呢 - 真不赖啊 伙计 - 40 ounce. - Oh, that's huge, buddy.
- 奢华享受 不错 - 一来就整烈的 是吧 - High life, awesome. - You're gonna start heavy, don't you?
是啊 Yeah.
- 那么你就拥有这瓶酒了 - 是啊 太赞了 - So you own this now. - Yeah, it's tight.
真不错 哎哎 还不能拿走 Pretty sweet. Ah, ah, not so close.
我们会给你一张领取凭证 You get a claim check,
你可以21岁时再回来取走这瓶酒 so you're allowed to come back and claim it when you're 21.
呃 我现在就想要啊 我不想两年之后再来拿 Yeah, but i want it for right now. I don't want it two years later.
因为该店不允许退款 With no refunds allowed,
这些未成年人只能填好领取凭证 the minors had no other option but to fill out the claim check,
让他们可以拥有自己的酒 又不用承担饮酒的后果 allowing them to own alcohol without the consequences of consuming it.
你们这做法也太差劲了吧 What you're doing is weak. That sucks.
这很酷而且合法 It's cool and legal.
做违法之事从来都不酷 Breaking the law is never cool.
这不等于我白花钱了 Seems like a waste of money to me.
我的计划很管用 Nabil现在多了一种崭新的顾客群体 My plan was working, and Nabil was now able to sell to a whole new type of customer.
那我干嘛为这个花钱呢 Why did I even just pay for this?
这样你就能拥有这瓶酒了 Because you're allowed to own the alcohol.
好吧 但是 我不想拥有这瓶酒 Okay, well, I don't want to own the alcohol.
我想喝里面的酒 I want the alcohol.
预料到有些青少年不会满足于空手而归 Knowing that some teens wouldn't be satisfied leaving empty-handed,
我将Nabil商店一角改造成了一间酷炫的地下室 I had a corner of Nabil's store converted to look like a cool basement,
这样未成年人就能在酒入库前与其合照 so minors could take photos with their alcohol before it goes into storage
好让他们向朋友吹嘘时有证据 that would help them brag to their friends.
帮助年轻人收获快乐的感觉很棒 It felt great to make young people happy
同时也教会了他们适度饮酒的重要性 while teaching them about responsible drinking.
所以当晚关门之后 So after closing up for the night,
我很伤心 因为我不得不告诉Nabil一些坏消息 it broke my heart that I had to give Nabil some terrible news.
我仔细查了查 I looked into it,
结果发现我们做的事情极度违法 and it turns out that what we were doing was extremely illegal,
你也知道 我得考虑保全自己 And you know, I got to look out for myself.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
晚上好 先生 Good evening, sir.
- 什么事 - 你是这家商店的店主吗 - Yes? - Are you the owner of this business?
是的长官 你好 Yes, sir. Hi.
恐怕我必须得逮捕你了 I'm afraid I'm gonna have to place you under arrest.
为什么 怎么了 我做什么了 Why? What's going on, sir? How am I--
因为生意做得良心 For doing good business!
你什么麻烦也没有 我刚在开玩笑 You're not in trouble at all, I was joking.
真的吗 那都没问题吧 So really? It does work out?
是啊 根本就不违法 Yeah, it's not illegal.
- 好吧 - 而且 他也不是真的警察 - Okay. - I mean, he's not a real cop,
- 他是个脱衣舞男 - 这没关系 - He's a stripper, yeah. - That's okay.
但是给小商贩找一个脱衣舞男 But to bring a stripper to a businessman,
实在不是什么好主意 it's not a really good idea, no.
噢 你不喜欢吗 Oh, you don't like it?
一点也不 就像 Not at all. Like...
好吧 这是个玩笑而已 Well, it was a joke, you know,
你本来以为他是个警察 你懂吧 like, you thought he was a cop. You know?
我想说的就是这个 就算是开玩笑也不行 That's what I'm saying, even if it's gonna be a joke,
Nathan 给一个生意人找一个 呃 脱衣舞者 Nathan, to bring a businessman, bring him, like, stripper--
找一个脱衣舞男 实在不是什么好玩的事请 A guy stripper, it's not really gonna be the cool thing to have.
好吧 All right.
Javier Arteaga是一位灭虫专家 Javier Arteaga is an exterminator
也是全面除虫公司的经理 and the manager of Bugs A To Z,
这是一家位于加州伍德兰希尔斯的害虫防治公司 a pest-control company based out of Woodland Hills, California.
他迫切希望能够拓展业务 And he's desperate to expand his business
不再局限于平常接的住宅订单 beyond the residential homes he normally services.
如果我们能接到酒店的除虫工作就好了 It'd be great if, I mean, we land any kind of hotel work.
全面除虫公司除虫员
Javier想与大酒店订立合同 Javier wanted a contract with a major hotel,
而我则有帮他赢得生意的完美方案 and I had the perfect method to win him that deal.
与其让整个过程看上去像酒店除虫服务 Rather than making it look like the hotel has an exterminator visiting,
为什么不让它看上去像是酒店赢了大奖呢 why don't you instead make it look like the hotel is winning an award?
继续 All right.
每家酒店最害怕的就是被迫去雇除虫员 Every hotel's greatest fear is having to hire an exterminator,
除虫公司
因为他们的光临等于宣告酒店里有害虫 because their arrival is basically an announcement that the hotel has pests.
所以如果Javier能掩饰真正的目的 So if Javier could disguise his purpose
让他看起来像是去给酒店颁奖的 to make it look like he's there to give the hotel an award,
酒店大奖
他不仅能让顾客舒心 he'd not only delight guests,
还能毫无疑问地与酒店签订合同 but surely win a contract with the hotel
酒店合同
让他们的虫害困扰不为人知 that wants to keep their pest problem a secret.
那我 我怎么 我捧着奖杯过去吗还是 Now, how--I mean, do I show up with--
我是说 呃 就我个人而言 呃 I mean, I just-- I-I--as far as, I mean--
如果顾客们看到你进来 If customers see you coming in,
他们肯定心里会想 they're actually gonna be like,
"这家酒店真不错啊" "Oh, this hotel is really good.",
而在看到除虫员时 you know, rather than seeing an exterminator
肯定会想 "这家酒店不太好" and being like, "Oh, this hotel is not so good."
你以前做过这种事 You've done this before.
你才是上过商学院的 You know, you're a business major.
我是说 再不济也不会出什么事吧 I mean, what's the worst that's gonna happen?
Javier认同了我的想法 Javier was on board with the concept.
于是为了向酒店推销这项服务 我要向他们展示 So, to sell this to a hotel, I needed to show them
这个想法具体该如何实施 exactly how the system would work.
所以我把Javier的一辆除虫车重新包装 So I had one of Javier's service vans rewrapped
让它看起来像是运送杰出酒店奖的车辆 to look like a delivery vehicle for the Hotel Excellence Awards,
杰出酒店奖
行业顶尖才配拥有
这是我编造出的一个极富盛名的组织 a very prestigious organization that I made up.
然后Javier和我想出了一个隐秘的方法 Then Javier and I worked to develop a discreet method
好给酒店里每个房间进行除虫 for exterminating every room in a hotel.
像一个秘密的 Like, some sort of secret...
- 一个暗格 或者一扇小门 - 可以打开的暗格 - A compartment or or an opening. - compartment that opens up.
设备都准备好后 With the system now in place,
梅菲尔历史酒店允许我们 I got permission from the Historic Mayfair Hotel
拍一个该方案的示范视频 to shoot a demonstration video of our method
然后展示给他们的管理人员看 that we could then present to their management.
我们首先乘着隐密货车到达 It begins by arriving in our covert vehicle,
然后把看起来像是授予酒店的巨型奖杯搬下来 then removing what looks like a large trophy that's being awarded to the hotel.
这样不仅成功把设备运进酒店又给顾客留下了好印象 This serves a dual purpose of both getting our equipment inside and impressing guests
因为这让他们知道自己下榻的酒店里臭虫最少 as they see that they're currently residing in the hotel with the least amount of bedbugs.
- 臭虫最少吗 - 是啊 - With the least bedbugs? - Yeah.
所以还是可能会有臭虫的吧 So it's a possibility of some being there.
我们只是送奖杯的 我们不懂 We're just delivering the award, we don't know.
噢 好吧 Oh, okay.
之后 我们将其运进不对外开放的后台办公室 Then, we make our way into the private back offices
在那里我们可以神不知鬼不觉地卸下所有设备 where we can safely remove all our gear without anyone seeing.
卸完之后 我们把奖台改装成订制的客房服务推车 Once that's done, we convert our awards table into a custom-designed maid cart,
而我也变了装好让推车时看上去更自然 and I change my outfit to look natural pushing it.
然后Javier躲进中空的内部在房间之间转移 The hollowed-out interior then allows Javier to travel from room to room
而不会招致酒店住客的任何怀疑 without drawing any suspicion from hotel guests.
你在里面还好吗 You okay in there?
还好 Yeah.
我们到达有害虫的房间之后 When we get to an infested room,
推车会堵在门口 the cart blocks the doorway
让Javier能溜出来而不被人看到 and Javier is able to sneak out without anyone seeing.
然后把夹带除虫设备的吸尘器迅速递进去 A quick handoff of the vacuum then gets our equipment inside,
让Javier能够在害虫出没的地方开始喷洒工作 and Javier can get to work spraying down the pest-ridden areas.
尽管我们在这家酒店没遇到过 Although we didn't find any in this hotel,
但Javier告诉我他经常碰到受臭虫侵染严重的床垫 Javier told me he often encounters mattresses that get so infested with bedbugs,
严重到必须立刻扔掉 they have to be thrown out.
所以我还想向酒店经理展示 So I also wanted to show the hotel manager
我们有办法悄悄把床垫处理掉 that we had a method to secretly dispose of one
而让顾客察觉不到任何异常 without guests thinking anything fishy was going on.
由于梅菲尔酒店接待的亚洲人居多 And since the Mayfair catered to a lot of Asian clientele,
最完美的障眼法自不必说 the perfect cover was obvious.
在即兴庆祝活动的伪装下 In the guise of an impromptu celebration,
我们就可以把床垫直接运出大厅 we were able to take a mattress straight through the lobby,
一到外面后 and once outside,
只需要迅速将外观进行调换 all it took was a quick identity changeover
在旁人看来一切就顺理成章了 to keep everything looking normal to onlookers.
然后只消一眨眼的功夫 我们就消失了 Then, in the blink of an eye, we're gone,
没人能知道酒店曾经有过虫患 without anyone ever knowing the hotel had a problem with pests.
那周晚些时候 我希望我们的演示视频 So later that week, I was hopeful our sales video
经理办公室
能足够打动梅菲尔酒店的经理 would be enough to win over the Mayfair manager,
Mike Schoeffin Mike schoeffin.
床垫藏在那条龙下面 Underneath that dragon is our mattress
床垫上都是臭虫 受臭虫侵害 that was covered with bedbugs, infested with bedbugs.
你可以看出我们发明了一种新方法 And you can see we've been developing a new method
用盲人拐杖在公共区域喷洒药剂 of spraying the public areas using a blind man's cane.
客人看到只会想 So to guests, it just looks like,
"哦 大厅那有个盲人在磕磕绊绊地游走" "Oh, there's a blind man stumbling around the lobby."
没错 Right.
以上就是我们的计划 So that's what we're about.
演示视频一放完 And once our sales video was done,
就是签约的时候了 it was time to seal the deal.
请在这个合同上签个名 Let's get your signature on that contract.
我现在还没法做这个决定 I'm not gonna make a decision right this minute.
Mike似乎不想和全面除虫公司合作 Mike didn't seem to want to do business with Bugs A To Z,
所以我支开Javier和Mike单独谈了谈 so I excused Javier to speak with Mike one-on-one.
嘿 很明显你今天不想和我们签约 是吗 Hey, so it's clear you don't want to give a deal to us today, right?
在没有仔细算过帐之前 我不能签 Not without comparing all the numbers, no.
你知道这是个电视节目吧 在节目里 You know, I have a TV show, and on the show,
我们喜欢美满的结局 we like to have happy endings.
所以你能不能把合同签了 So would you be able to sign this contract
看在节目效果的份上 just for the cameras?
呃 如果只是为了节目效果的话 Uh, if it's just for the cameras,
只要没有实际效力就行 as long as it's not binding.
太棒了 给你 在这儿签字 Great, here you go, just sign here and--
只是为了节目效果 Just for the cameras.
- 签好了 - 好嘞 - There you go. - All right.
那我们就正式签约了 So we have a deal then.
我们在电视节目里假装签了约 We have a deal in the TV show--
不不 在合同上白纸黑字写着 Oh, no, but in the contract, it said that
"我充分理解当Nathan问到" "I understand that when Nathan asks,"
"你愿意为了节目效果签下合同吗" "Will you sign this contract for the camera?"
"我明白他实际是在问我 你愿意在现实中签下合同吗" "I understand that that's code for Will you sign the contract in real life?"
噢 Oh.
- 你可以自己看 - 嗯哼 - You can see. - Mm-hmm.
- 这个条款就在这儿 - 好吧 - That clause right there. - Right.
这个合同是在欺诈的情况下呈递给我的 The contract was presented to me under false pretenses.
相信我 这是笔好买卖 Trust me, this is a good call,
所以别为此感到难过 so you shouldn't feel bad about this.
- 不 你骗了我 这是 - 这不叫骗 - No, you tricked me, and it's-- - It's not a trick.
- 这就是骗 - 不 这不是骗 - No, it is a trick. - No, it's not a trick.
我很不喜欢这样 And I don't appreciate it.
合同里写得清清楚楚的 Everything was in the contract.
我不欣赏这种做法 I don't appreciate it.
我成功了 我等不及要和Javier分享这个好消息 I did it, and I couldn't wait to share the good news with Javier.
棒耶 Yeah.
怎么样 开心了吧 All right. Happy, right?
- 当然 - 好 那就好 - Yeah. - Okay, good.
搓一搓 Rub-a-dub-dub,
刷一刷 splish, splash,
吸一吸 suck, suck,
还有嗡呜呜呜呜呜呜 and wrrrrrrrr.
这些只是其中一些你会听到的声音 These are just some of the sounds you'd hear
如果你前往位于加州阿特沃特村的洛斯菲利斯洗车店的话 if you paid a visit to Los Feliz Car Wash in Atwater Village, California.
但是你不会经常听到的则是收款机的声音 But one sound you won't hear that often is "cha-ching".
Amir Lankarani是这里的老板 Amir Lankarani is the owner here,
他承认最近的生意不太好做 and he admits that lately, business has been tough.
有时候经营确实非常不顺 Occasionally, can be very much so struggle.
洛斯菲利斯洗车店老板
但是对于一个以清洁为生的人来说 But for a man whose business is cleaning,
我很惊讶他的办公室会那么脏 I was surprised by how filthy his office was,
我不禁猜想这是不是他复杂商业策略的一部分 and it made me wonder if this was part of a sophisticated strategy.
你办公室这么脏是不是因为 Do you keep your office this dirty to
想向顾客证明你只在乎把他们的车洗干净 make a point to your customers that you only care about cleaning cars?
是的 与其花精力清洁办公室 Yes, rather than trying to clean my office,
还不如把心思放在给顾客洗车上 I put my emphasis in cleaning their car.
所以这都是故意的喽 So this is all intentional.
是的 Yes.
我想说 我见过杂乱 但你这真是一团糟 I mean, I've seen clutter, but you go all out.
- 这个 凡事尽力嘛 - 是啊 我是说 - Well, I do my best. - Yeah, I mean,
你桌子底下竟然有个马桶啊 you have a full-size toilet bowl under your desk.
嗯 这是因为 我们买它是为了 Well, the reason behind it is, we bought it for our--
那啥 为了装在我们一个洗手间里 What is it? One of the bathrooms,
还没来得及换而已 haven't had the chance to replace it yet.
所以你不用这个马桶吗 You don't use that toilet?
肯定不会在这儿啊 Not here, no.
- 真的吗 - 真的 - No? - No.
Amir运营洗车店显然有自己的一套方法 Amir clearly had a unique approach for marketing his car wash,
而这意味着他肯定会满意我的点子 and that meant I had an idea that he was gonna love.
洛斯菲利斯洗车店的位置很独特 Los Feliz Car Wash is uniquely situated
周围很少有鸟类出没 in a neighborhood with very few birds,
那如果Amir可以想办法吸引更多的鸟类 so if Amir could somehow attract more birds
停留在附近街道旁的树上 to specific trees that overhang the streets nearby,
去他店里洗车的需求肯定会增加 demand for his services would surely go up.
计划是 更多的鸟就等于更多的生意 The plan: more birds equals more business.
计划:
更多的鸟 = 更多的生意
鸟吗 Birds?
你想啊 往树上放鸟又不犯法 I mean, there's nothing wrong with putting a bird in a tree.
话是没错 That's true.
之后它们干了什么是它们自己的选择 What they do after that is their own choice.
没错 That's right.
所以如果它们在车上拉屎 那受益的是你 So, if they do that on a car, it benefits you,
- 但 - 更多需要洗的脏车 - but-- - More dirty cars,
就有更多的美元进账 more dollar signs coming inside the register.
你说得对 You're right.
Amir接受了这个提议 接下来第一步 Amir was into the idea, so the first step
就是给鸟儿们找个落脚的好地方 was finding the right tree to host the birds.
洗车店正对面的街道旁 Directly across the street from the car wash
有一根横跨街道的绝佳树枝 was the perfect branch that hung over traffic.
我决定把鸟放在这里 This is where I needed them to be.
我知道鸟喜欢鸟食 Since I know birds love bird seed,
于是我沿着树枝往整棵树上都撒了一些 I sprinkled some along the branch and all over the tree
希望能把鸟招来 in the hopes of attracting them.
但出人意料的是 一天过去了都没有鸟来 But surprisingly, after a day, no birds had come.
所以我又掏空了一些金枪鱼罐头 So I emptied out a couple of tuna cans
把蚯蚓和泥土混在一起装了进去 and packed them with earth worms and soil
然后用胶带把它们固定在树枝上 then taped those to the branches,
心想这应该更能吸引贪食的鸟儿 thinking that this would be a more appealing treat.
我甚至还在该区域其他树上放了些稻草人 I even put tiny scarecrows in other trees in the area
我可不想让鸟飞错地方 that I didn't want the birds to go in.
然而悲催的是 依然没有鸟来 But again, no birds showed up,
我可不想把下半辈子都搭在帮这家洗车店上 and I wasn't about to spend the rest of my life helping this car wash.
因此我安排了一位训鸟师过来 So I arranged for a bird wrangler to come
手动把鸽子放到树杈上 and physically put pigeons up on the branch.
但令人沮丧的是 它们制造的鸟粪不足以达到我要的效果 But frustratingly, they weren't pooing enough to make the impact I needed,
因此我询问训鸟师 so I talked to the bird wrangler
看看她有没有其他主意 to see if she had any other ideas.
鸡或者孔雀 它们拉得比较多 Chickens or peacocks, they-- they poop pretty good.
但你不觉得把鸡放到树上会有点奇怪吗 Don't you think chickens would maybe look a bit strange in the tree though?
- 也许 - 不会啊 鸡原本就栖息在树上 - Maybe? - No, chickens roost in trees.
所以这并不会奇怪到惹人注目吗 So it wouldn't really stand out as being that weird?
- 嗯 不会的 - 好吧 - No, uh-uhh. - Okay.
- 我相信你的直觉 - 好 - I trust your instincts, then. - Yeah.
听从了Carol的建议 我们弄来了一些鸡放到树上 Taking Carol's advice, we added some chickens to the tree,
她说我们得定期地做这件事 which she said had to go more regularly.
办法奏效了 但是粪便的大小 And it helped, but the dropping size
还是不够让车主下决心洗车 just wasn't big enough to persuade people into getting their cars washed.
因此我们又安排加上了一只孔雀 So we arranged to have a peacock added to the mix
它们可以拉出是鸡粪体积1.5倍的粪便 that can drop loads 50% larger than the chickens.
这样一来 And with that,
我感觉一切都已就绪 只等顾客上门了 I felt like I had everything I needed to get things started.
然后我在洗车店门口贴了公告推广一项新服务 So I posted a sign at the car wash advertising a new special.
鸟粪套餐 豪华洗车 彩虹上蜡 空气清新剂
现在我想让Amir看看树上的鸟 Now I wanted to show Amir the birds in the tree.
哇哦 Wow.
- 太棒了 - 是啊 - That's great. - Yeah.
看起来简直就像回归自然了 不是吗 I mean, it just looks--mother nature, doesn't it?
人们从树下开过去 它们拉得满车都是 So people are driving under, they're dropping all over cars,
然后猜猜人们会去哪 and then where are they gonna go?
会直接过马路去我店里 Right there across the street.
- 没错 - 这很合 这很 - Yeah. - Makes co--you know, makes...
合乎常理 不是吗 common sense, doesn't it?
现在我要想个办法让车停下 Now I needed to figure out a way to get car to stop
给树上的鸟雀们多争取点时间干活 so the birds would have enough time to do their business.
先生 对不起 不好意思 我隐形眼镜掉那地上了 Sir, sorry. Sorry, I dropped my contact lens over here,
我现在正在找 so I'm just looking for it.
好吧
嗯 我怕 我担心你可能会碾过去 Yeah, I don't--I'm worried you might drive over it.
嗯哼
你能帮帮我吗 Could you help me?
呃...
现在下来帮你找隐形眼镜吗
是的 Yeah.
呃 我也不知道在哪儿找啊 Um, I don't know where.
噢 今天鸟真多啊 Oh. There's a lot of birds today.
是这样的 路对面有个洗车店 Sorry, there's a car wash down the street,
他们能把这些清理得干干净净 they can do a really good job of taking it off.
如果你要的话 我这里有优惠券 If you want, there's a coupon.
我的计划终于奏效了 My plan was finally paying off.
树上居然还有鸡 You got chickens up in that tree.
漫天的鸟粪竟然真的促使司机们纷纷光临洗车店 The droppings were actually encouraging drivers to pay a visit to the car wash.
随着时间推移 As the day progressed...
你知道怎么从这走到好莱坞的标志那吗 Do you know how to get to the Hollywood sign from here?
一切都自然而然地进行着 nature was taking its course.
尽管有一坨鸟屎无情地溅到了我嘴里 And even though I took a brutal splash in the mouth...
我会毫不犹豫地再做一次 I'd do it again in an instant
如果这意味着能给洗车店多带来一位客人 if it meant bringing in one more customer to that car wash.
那天结束时 我和Amir碰头 So at the end of the day, I met up with Amir
想知道他对结果是否满意 to see if he was happy with my results.
你感觉今天生意怎么样 So how do you feel about everything today?
太完美了 看起来这个点子已经起作用了 Beautiful. Seems like the idea is working a little bit,
至少我看见几辆上面有鸟屎的车 at least I saw a few cars with the bird poo-poo.
很棒 告诉你一声 Yeah. Now, just so you know,
我把所有的鸽子和鸡都给你买下来了 I bought all of the pigeons and the chickens for you,
你可以自己选择要不要把它们放在树上 so you can go and put them up yourself if you choose.
好吧 Okay.
我知道突然提起这个可能会有点尴尬 Now, I know this might be a bit of an awkward subject to broach,
但我知道你这里有月度最佳员工的评选 but I know you have an "employee of the month" program here.
是这样的 Yes, we do.
呃 你今天显然已经看到我干得很出色 You know, I obviously showed you today that I did a good job,
所以我在想 and so I was wondering
你能否考虑选我 if you would consider me for that.
选你为月度最佳员工吗 For the employee of the month?
是的 Yeah.
当然可以 Sure.
好的 谢谢 Okay, thanks.
你太客气了 You're quite welcome.
那你们一般会有颁奖仪式什么的吗 Now, do you normally do a ceremony or something?
我们一般只会奖励一张25美元的礼品券 We normally just present them with a $25 gift certificate.
好吧 相比我的贡献这个数目有点太少了 Okay, it maybe is a bit low for what I did.
有没有可能升到200美元呢 Is it possible to up it to $200?
行啊 Sure.
太棒了 非常感谢你 这真的 Great, thank you so much, that's...
- 别客气 - 我很荣幸 嗯 - My pleasure. - Such an honor, I mean--
好啦 你太客气了 Okay. You're quite welcome.
欢迎来到我们最佳月度员工 Welcome to our employee-of-the-month
的颁奖典礼 meeting ceremony.
这个奖项是颁给 This honor goes to the person
本月表现得对公司最忠心的人 who has shown the most commitment to the company this month,
工作最努力的人 the person who has worked the hardest,
总体来说表现最佳的员工 and who is just the best person in general.
这个月 这个月的获奖者是 Nathan This month--this month, it goes ot Nathan.
- 我吗 - 就是你 Nathan - Me? - Yes, you, Nathan.
- 我的天哪 真的吗 - 是的 - Oh, my god, really? - Yes.
我的天哪 简直难以置信 Oh, my god. I'm so surprised.
- 十分感谢 - 不客气 - Thank you so much. - My pleasure.
- 感谢你的付出 - 我好荣幸 - Thank you very much. - I'm so honored,
大家 Uh...
谢谢大家 Oh, thank you.
这是奖给你的200美元现金 And there's your $200 cash prize...
- 奖金 - 你的200美元奖金 - Bonus. - Your $200 cash bonus.
太感谢你了 天哪 Thank you so much. Oh, my god.
哦 好的 Oh, okay.
谢谢 Thank you.
现在请大家站成一排 Now, if you can all form a line,
Nathan会从你们面前走过 then Nathan will walk past you,
你们可以拍一拍他的背 and you can pat him on the back.
好吧 我有点害羞 Okay, it's a bit embarrassing,
- 没事儿的 - 好嘞 - Right. - Okay.
谢谢你 谢谢你 Thank you. Thank you.
哇哦 Oh, wow.
好了 那回见吧 再见了 All right, see you, I guess, or see you later.
好的 Okay.
我这辈子只上过一节课 Yeah, I've only been to one class in my whole life.
我翘课翘得太多了 I've skipped so much.
很酷吧 It's pretty awesome.
我不认识几个词 I can't really read too much.
我是说 我认识基本的26个字母 I mean, I know the basic letters,
但意思都要靠朋友告诉我 but my friends tell me what it is.
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