翻译: 柯希莫的枷锁 惨绿青年 一打胖元
校对: 濑成一
我叫Nathan Fielder My name is Nathan Fielder,
后期: pendz
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一 and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
学业成绩单
并且成绩优异 with really good grades.
压制: 肉包
如今我运用我的学识 Now I'm using my knowledge
来帮助挣扎求生的小企业主 to help struggling small business owners
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功 make it in this competitive world.
总监: pendz
改造前
改造后
面包和糕点
改造前
改造后
面包糕点
这 This...
救援 高手
电波诚译
第二季 第七集
就是救援高手 is Nathan for You.
Andy Farshidian是橘子郡安迪出租车公司的老总 Andy Farshidian is the president of Andy O.C. Taxi Company,
他把他所有的麻烦都归咎于一件事物 and he blames all his troubles on one thing.
优步把出租车行业搞得很糟糕
非常糟糕
优步开始在纽约提供车座
流行的共享汽车项目 比如优步 Trendy ride-sharing programs, like uber,
Lyft和Sidecar如何改变了通勤方式
最近一直在吸引人们的关注 have been grabbing headlines lately
优步针对多名乘客引入车费平摊功能
并给像Andy这样的出租车公司带来了巨大冲击 and caused taxi companies like Andy's to take a big hit.
共享汽车对上出租车行业
实话和你说吧 I want to be honest with you.
我要破产了 你懂我意思吧 I'm very broke. You know what I mean?
穷得叮当响 Very broke.
于是我去拜访了他 So I paid him a visit
并带去了一个保证能让他的公司重回公众视野的方法 with a guaranteed way to get his company back in the spotlight.
- 这些共享汽车项目"搞"得你很难受 是吗 - 是啊 - The ride-share programs, you know, are screwing you, right? - Right.
你懂的 他们抢了出租车的很多生意 You know, they took lots of the customers from cab business.
你需要获得像他们那样的关注度 And you need to get the attention that they're getting.
为了达到这个目的 你要让孕妇免费搭车 And the way to do that is to give free rides to pregnant women.
这跟做好出租车生意有什么联系呢 How this connected to the, you know, success in the cab business?
每当一个宝宝在出租车里诞生 Every time a baby is born in a taxicab,
就会成为一个轰动的新闻故事 it becomes a huge news story.
所以如果Andy采取一种特殊的促销方案 So if Andy did a special promotion,
也就是让怀孕的妇女免费搭车 where he offered free rides to women who were pregnant,
生命奇迹在橘子郡出租车上发生就只是时间问题了 it would only be a matter of time until the miracle of life happened in an O.C. Taxicab.
橘子郡安迪出租车里诞生一名婴儿
计划是 让孕妇免费搭车来增加她们在车后座生产的几率 The plan--increase the odds of a backseat birth with free rides for the pregnant.
计划:
让孕妇免费搭车
我从来没有 我从没想过这个方法 I never had the-- I never thought about this.
你就先照做 等到第一个婴儿出生 You just do it till you get one.
到时就会有媒体报道的 Then you'll get all this press.
是啊 那样就太棒了 Yeah, that would be great.
我 我得问一下 你的出租车干净吧 I-I should ask. Your cabs are clean, right?
是啊 当然 Yeah, sure.
Andy加入了计划 Andy was on board.
现在我得让孕妇们知道这项促销活动 Now I needed to get pregnant women aware of the promotion,
于是我来到一个开设产前课程的瑜伽工作室 so I approached a yoga studio that offers prenatal classes
并恳请他们把这个消息告诉学员们 and asked them to get the word out to their students.
如果你能宣传一下这个活动就太好了 And that would be great if you could push this.
孕妇免费搭车
*仅限妊娠末三个月或更晚
为什么一定要妊娠末三个月 Why only in their third trimester?
呃 这主要是为了契合我们的营销需求 That more is--has to do with our marketing needs.
懂了 Got it.
没过几天 我们就开始接到了电话 And within a few days, we started getting calls.
于是我和Andy手下的一个司机Armen便出发了 So I headed out with one of Andy's drivers, Armen.
当我们在等候第一位顾客时 And while we waited for our first customer,
我对他有了一些了解 I got to know him a little bit.
你有什么秘密吗 So do you have any secrets?
呃 Emmmm.
有啊 我有秘密 但是 Yeah, I have secrets, but...
但我告诉你的话就不是秘密了 when I told you, that is a not secret.
嗯 有道理 Hmm. Fair enough.
不好的秘密吗 Bad secrets?
我想是吧 I think, yeah.
- 真的吗 - 我想是的 - Yeah? - I think.
过了一会儿 就到了开始免费接送孕妇的时候 And moments later, it was time to start giving rides to pregnant women.
你怀孕多久了 So how far along are you?
我三十 三十七周了 I'm 30--37 weeks.
所以任何 So any--
- 随时都有可能 - 是啊 - Anytime soon. - Anytime.
但当后座真的坐着一个怀孕九个月的妇女时 But with a woman who is nine months pregnant now in the backseat,
我开始思考这个办法所面临的现实问题 the reality of what I was doing began to set in.
我没采取任何安全保障措施 I hadn't taken any safety precautions at all.
如果真有孕妇在车上生产的话 And if a woman were to have a baby in here,
藏着诸多秘密的Armen适合去接生吗 would Armen, with all those secrets, be fit to deliver it?
这让我意识到可能有一个更好的方法 And that made me realize there might be a better way to do this.
我发现掀背式轿车和医院的产床结构很相似 It occurred to me that a hatchback taxi and a hospital birthing table have very similar qualities,
将两者结合也许就是我需要的解决方案 and a hybrid of the two could be the solution I needed.
再加上无菌环境 Throw in sterile conditions
和一个专业医护人员来接生宝宝 and a medical professional to deliver the baby,
那我就有了一个更可能上头条且绝对安全的分娩选择 and I'd have a completely safe birthing option that would be even more headline-worthy
妇女特意在出租车上分娩
因为之前从未有人这么做过 because it's never been done before.
于是我在Craiglist网站发了一条广告 So I put an ad on Craigslist
寻找还没有定下分娩计划的孕妇们 seeking pregnant women that hadn't yet decided their birth plans,
非医院分娩？干净，免费，安全
几天之后 And within a few days,
我收到了一个叫Shante的妇女的回复 I got a response from a woman named Shante
她已经怀孕七个月了 who was seven months pregnant.
我的构想是让一辆出租车 The way I see it is a cab
就在你家门口或离你家很近 that would be at your house or very close to your house.
嗯哼 Okay.
我会对它进行彻底的消毒清洁 I'd want everything to be completely sanitized
保证至少像在医院里那样安全 in a way that's just as safe, if not safer, than a hospital.
我 我不反对 I'm--I'm not opposed to it.
但是 呃 我可能还要 I mean, I-I think I would probably, uh,
还得再考虑考虑 need to think about it more
并和我男朋友商量一下 and discuss it with my--my boyfriend.
某种程度上说 你和你儿子会小有名气 I mean, in a way, you and your son would be famous.
是啊 哈哈 可以这么说 Yeah--well, yeah. Yeah.
令人惊讶的是 Shante被我说动了 Shante was surprisingly intrigued,
一想到我的计划没准能成我就感到很振奋 and I was stoked that this might actually happen.
于是我回去找Andy汇报事情进展 So I went back to Andy to bring him up to speed.
我找到了一位孕妇有可能 I actually found a woman who potentially
愿意在你的一辆出租车上分娩 might be willing to give birth in one of your taxicabs.
- 真的吗 - 是啊 - Oh, really? - Yeah.
她要 她要多少钱 How much she ask-- she ask?
我们还没讨论关于价钱的事 We haven't talked about money or anything.
噢 Oh.
但只有保证绝对安全的情况下我才愿意做这件事 But I only want to do this if it can be done completely safely.
我会尽量保证安全的 I try to be safe.
- 你不会就是说说而已吧 - 不啊 - You're not just saying that right now, right? - No.
如果是这样我现在就走人 'cause I'll walk out right now.
- 不 别走啊 - 对我来说安全第一 - No, don't walk. I-- - For me, safety is number one.
我保证 我跟你保证 I assure you. I assure you.
好吧 因为我发现你眼睛盯着的是钱 Okay, 'cause I see dollar signs in your eyes.
我知道 但我一只眼里是钱 另一只里是安全 I know, but one-- one eye is dollar sign, one eye is safety.
- 所以只有一只眼里是钱 - 一只眼里是钱 - So dollar in one eye. - Dollar in one eyes
另一只里是婴儿 and babies in the other eyes.
另一只里是一个婴儿 It just is a baby.
只是一个婴儿 没错 Just a baby sign, yeah.
这个婴儿长什么样 What does the baby look like?
一个幼小可爱的 在微笑的宝宝 Looks like a small, cute baby with a smile.
- 不错 行吧 - 好嘞 - Good. All right. - Okay.
- 太感谢你了 - 没问题 兄弟 - Thank you so much. - Sure, man.
- 安全第一 - 当然 安全第一 - Safety first. - Of course, safety first,
- 宝宝第二 - 行吧 - baby second. - Okay.
Andy同意之后 下一步是寻找出租车分娩的发生地 With Andy on board, the next step was finding a location for the taxi birth to take place.
于是我在Shante家附近租了一间仓库 So I rented a warehouse near Shante's house
并把一辆Andy的出租车安置在那作为分娩用车 and had one of Andy's taxis brought there to be the birthing vehicle.
接下来 为了保证分娩过程的安全 Next, to make sure the birth happened safely,
我雇了一个有能力接生的人 I hired someone who'd be able to deliver the baby.
- 你是个助产士吧 - 我是见习助产士 - You're a midwife. - I'm a student midwife.
- 你是个见习助产士 - 没错 - You're a student midwife. - Exactly.
好吧 那你不是很熟练 Okay. So you're not quite,
但你 你基本操作什么的都了解 But you-- you pretty much know the same stuff.
嗯哼 Mm-hmm.
她还向我保证在出租车里接生完全没有问题 And she assured me that doing it in a taxi would be no problem.
我们习惯了妈妈们在任何地方分娩 We're used to moms giving birth wherever.
但我不愿意冒险去相信一个见习助产士的话 But just trusting the word of a student midwife was a risk I wasn't willing to take.
所以在给Shante展示之前 So before showing this to Shante,
我找来了一个注册产科医师 Manzer S. Kuraishi医生 I had a licensed obstetrician, Dr. Manzer S. Kuraishi, come in
来确保Kim完全够格担任接生工作 to ensure that Kim was fully qualified to handle this birth.
你要是进去考察这个助产士 If you went in and checked out the midwife,
你觉得你能判断她是否对接生有足够了解吗 you think you would be able to tell if she knew what she was doing or not?
我可以问些基本问题看她能不能妥善回答 I can ask basic questions and see if she responds appropriately.
我不想因为质疑Kim的专业能力而冒犯她 Not wanting to offend Kim by questioning her expertise,
我让医生变装成一个汽车修理工 I had the doctor dress up as a car mechanic,
这样他就可以不为人知地考察她是否能够胜任 so he could secretly vet her to see if she was up to snuff.
- 你进去的时候 - 嗯哼 - When you go in... - Mm-hmm.
你就是个去检查汽车的修理工 You're a mechanic that's just there to check out the car.
- 没问题 - 好嘞 - That's fine. - Okay.
你听起来还是有点太聪明了 You still sound maybe a little bit smart.
不知道你能不能说话时 I don't know if there's a way you could put on a more,
更接近普通人一些 like, average joe accent or something.
我想我可以试着显得平常一些 I guess I can try to be more, uh, run-of-the-mill.
哟 我就来这儿检查一下车儿子 Yo, I'm here to just check out the car.
呃 我是来这里检查一下汽车的 Uh, I'm here to check out the car.
- 车子 - 车子 车儿子 - The cah. - The car. Da cah.
- 车儿子 对 - 我就来这儿检查一下车儿子 - Da cah, yeah. - I'm here to check out the cah.
好的 这遍不错 Yeah, that's great.
你觉得这样会比正常说话更好吗 You think that's gonna be better than just using--
是啊 我觉得这能让你更像一个汽车修理工 Yeah, I think it'll help make you seem like more of a mechanic.
- 好吧 那行 - 好的 很棒 - All right. Okay. - Okay. Great.
医生准备好后 我领他进去见Kim With the doctor all set, I brought him inside to meet Kim.
这位是Teddy This is Teddy here.
- 嗨 Teddy - 我来这儿检查一下车儿子 - Hi, Teddy. - I'm here to check out the car.
- 好啊 - Teddy是本地人 来自纽约布鲁克林 - Okay. - Teddy's a native from Brooklyn, New York
好吧 Okay.
- 所以 - 我在听他的口音 - So... - I'm looking for the accent.
我在仔细听他是不是有口音 I've been listening for the accent.
是啊 口音时有时无的 Yeah. Comes and goes.
- 我以前住在布鲁克林 - 不会吧 哪里 - I used to live in Brooklyn. - No. Where?
你住在哪片 哪片区域 What part-- what part are you from?
- 北边 - 布鲁克林北边吗 - The north side. - North side of Brooklyn?
是啊 不扯了 你在这儿做啥子 Yeah. Well, anyways, what do you got going here?
我们的隐秘计划奏效了 Our covert plan was working,
Kuraishi医生在谈话中巧妙地穿插了一些医学问题 as Dr. Kuraishi was able to subtly slide in medical questions
而没引起Kim的任何怀疑 without Kim suspecting a thing.
伙计 我来自布鲁克林 我宁愿吃披萨 Man, I'm from Brooklyn. I'd rather have a pizza.
这我不太好说 I don't know about that,
但如果她真的需要什么硬膜外麻醉的话该怎么办 but what... what happens if she does need one of those epidural things?
他获得了所需信息之后 And once he got all he needed,
顺势也完成了检查车辆的工作 he completed his inspection of the car...
- 看起来不错 - 然后到外面与我会合 - Looks good. - and met me outside,
我在那里等着他的汇报 where I awaited his report.
对大部分分娩情况来说 For the majority of deliveries,
她一个人完全没有问题 it would be absolutely fine.
- 是这样吗 - 是啊 - You think so? - Yeah.
因为大多数分娩都是自然分娩 Because the majority of deliveries happen naturally.
Kuraishi医生的评估结果让我对计划充满了信心 Dr. Kuraishi's evaluation gave me confidence in my plan.
现在我所需要的就只有Shante的同意了 Now all I needed was for Shante to say yes.
这一天终于到来了 The day had finally arrived,
分娩用车的医疗设备也已齐全 and with the birthing vehicle medically sound,
我让一位摄制助理提早过来给仓库消毒 I had a P.A. come in early to sterilize the warehouse.
现在是时候看我能否说服Shante和她的男朋友Damian Now it was time to see if I could convince Shante and her boyfriend, Damian,
让他们第一个孩子降生在一辆橘子郡安迪出租车里了 to have their firstborn child in an Andy O.C. taxicab.
相当不错吧 对不对 Pretty great, huh?
嗯 Hmm.
- 如你们所见 一切 - 哇哦 - As you can see, it's... - Wow.
- 都完全准备好了 - 完全不一样的感觉 - completely done up. - Totally different.
- 哇 与众不同 - 天啊 - Wow, totally different. - Wow.
跟他们解释了整个运作过程后 After explaining to them how it would all work,
我急切地等待着这对情侣的决定 I eagerly awaited the couple's decision.
这个 这个主意 一切都很棒 The, the idea, everything is great.
但是现在我真正看到成品的时候 But now that I actually see the finished product,
我觉得 I feel like
- 我不能百分之百地确定 - 嗯 - I'm not 100%. - Yeah.
是因为毛巾不够多还是 Is it 'cause there's not enough towels or...
不不 实际上 我很喜欢这些毛巾 No. Actually, actually, I love the towels.
- 噢 好吧 那就好 - 这些毛巾其实挺好的 - Oh, okay. Great. - The towels are actually great.
不 不是因为那个 就是 No, it's not that. It's just that
如果 如果这一切 if, if everything was,
能布置得跟一家真正的医院一样的话就 you know, to be set up like an actual hospital...
我很惊讶Shante和Damian竟然临阵退缩了 I was surprised that Shante and Damian were having cold feet.
幸好 我还有备选方案 Fortunately, I had a plan B.
最重要的是 我们不能忘记 At the end of the day, we can't forget
- 这些努力都是为了谁 - 没错 - who this is all about. - Yeah.
为了Andy 橘子郡出租车公司的老板 Uh, Andy, who's the owner of the O.C. Taxi Company.
- 是他啊 - 所以在你们离开之前 - Oh. - So before you leave,
我觉得 呃 I do think, you know,
- 你们应该听听他怎么说 - 好吧 - you should hear from him. - Okay.
就在这对情侣行将离开之际 With the couple on the brink of walking away,
我唯一的希望就是来自 my only hope was a plea from the man
最需要他们帮助之人的恳求 who needed their help the most.
所以现在能否挽回他们就靠安迪的表现了 So it was now in Andy's hands to win them over.
我有一块牌子在出租车里放了很久很久 I had a sign, you know, in my cab a for long, long time,
我从来都没用过 你们知道吗 and I never use it, you know?
当你把孩子生出来以后 And when you have your baby come out,
他或她睁开眼睛看到的第一件东西 the first thing he or she open their eyes,
就是我为孩子准备的那块牌子 I have that sign for that kids.
牌子上写着什么 And the sign says what?
写着 "你真可爱" It says, "You are cute."
你真可爱 You are cute?
- 她或他并不能读懂 - 没错 - She or he cannot read it. - Yeah.
但是那会进入孩子的大脑 印入孩子的脑海 But goes on the mind, goes on the brain
就封存在那里 你懂我意思吗 and stay there, you know what I mean?
好吧 我觉得你们要付出很多其他方面的努力 Yeah. I think you guys would have to do too much other stuff
才能满足我的预期 to accommodate what I'm looking for.
求你了 Please.
但是如果有其他事我们可以帮忙 But if there's anything else we could do,
比如 或许 帮你们宣传宣传啦 like, maybe, like, word of mouth.
能不能帮我个忙 再考虑一下下 Can you do me a favor and think a little bit more...
Andy Andy.
- 给我这个机会好吗 - Andy - And please give me this chance? - Andy.
这个 我觉得还是 Yeah, I think it's just gonna...
我们还是打算在医院生产 we're just gonna have it at the hospital.
- 啊 我给你百分之百的保证 - Andy Andy Andy - Oh, I give you 100% guarantee. - Andy. Andy. Andy.
- 你想要什么都可以 - 别说了 Andy - Anything that you want. - No, Andy--
嗯 但还是非常感谢你们提供这次机会 Yeah. Thank you so much, though, for the offer.
没错 Yeah.
- 我觉得他们并不想这样做 - 给我一分钟 - I don't think they want to do it. - Give me a minute.
Damian和Shante拒绝了 但Andy就是不肯放弃 Damian and Shante said no, but Andy wouldn't give up.
- 所以是为了你自己吗 - 不 跟我没关系 没有 - So it's about you? - No, it's not about me, no.
但你听起来就是这么想的 Well, you sound like it is.
这对你们来说是一个好机会 This is a good opportunity for you.
不 你在尽力说服我们 但是说来说去 No. You're trying to convince us, but at the end of the day,
好像这一切都是为了你 it seems like it's all about you.
那个婴儿已经从他的眼中消失 The baby sign was gone from his eyes
取而代之的是另一个美元标志 and replaced with another dollar sign.
他已经不把他们看作人了 He was no longer seeing them as human beings,
而是看作暴富的手段 but instead, just a way to get rich.
所以我必须做出正确的决断 让他们离开 So I had to do what was right and let them go.
- 请你们重新考虑一下 - Andy 够了 - Please, think again. - Andy, okay.
你们可以走了 谢谢 You can go. Thank you.
事情没有照Andy的预想进行的确令人难过 It was sad that things didn't work out the way that Andy wanted.
但有时候做生意就是这样 But sometimes in business,
成功也意味着懂得适可而止 success also means knowing when to stop.
我认为今天发生的事情 I think what happened today
可以作为一个完美的实例 is a perfect example
证明贪欲是如何侵害一个人的大脑的 of greed infecting someone's brain,
而这一次利欲熏心的人是你 and that infection happened in yours.
- 你说得对 说得对 - 你本末倒置了 - You're right. You're right. - You lost focus,
而且你忘记了最重要的事 and you forgot what's the most important thing.
人的生命 Human life.
你觉得我们再找一个婴儿怎么样 What do you think if we looking for another baby?
我觉得我们不得不放弃这个想法了 I think we just have to let this one go.
或许会有其他人喜欢呢 Maybe somebody else like it.
呃 也许吧 I, I mean, maybe.
我没办法百分之百地保证 你懂我意思吗 You know, I can't guarantee it 100%, you know what I mean?
Andy 你是个非常值得尊敬的商人 Andy, I respect you so much as a businessman,
但我觉得我们做人的方式不太一致 but I just don't think we see eye to eye as human beings.
好吧 祝你好运 孩子 Okay, good luck, kid.
好的 Okay.
- 祝你一切顺利 - 嗯 非常感谢你 - Best of luck with everything. - Okay. Thank you very much.
对一家生意来说 For a business,
门前排长龙就是成功的象征 nothing says success like a line down the block.
对于洛杉矶的粉氏热狗店来说 And for L.A.'s Pink's Hot Dogs,
他们更是深谙此道 they've got that down pat.
但是尽管生意不错 But even though things are going well,
店主Gloria和Richard Pink owners, Gloria and Richard Pink,
粉氏热狗店 店主
总是盼着能更上一层楼 are always looking to step things up.
做生意如逆水行舟 不进则退 Any business that isn't improving is falling behind.
没错 我们一直在想办法让我们的生意更红火 Yeah, we're always looking for ways to improve the business.
Pink夫妇显然对他们的品牌十分狂热 The Pinks were clearly crazy about their brand.
但是当我进行卧底观察时 But when I went undercover to scope things out,
我发现了一个很明显的问题 I discovered a glaring problem
在阻碍着他们赚更多的钱 that was keeping them from making even more money.
于是我去拜访了这对夫妇 So I paid the couple a visit
提供一个吸引新顾客群体的方法 with a way to attract a new type of customer.
我今天穿了件粉色的衬衫 I wore a pink shirt today
因为你们店叫粉氏热狗店 because your name is Pink's.
没错 好的 Right. Okay.
此时此刻 粉氏热狗店门口的长队 Right now, the huge line at Pink's
正在迫使一大批没有时间等待的顾客拂袖而去 is turning off a slew of customers that don't have time to wait.
但Richard和Gloria能够轻易地挽回那些销量 But Richard and Gloria would easily be able to capture those sales
计划:
仅需稍微改变一下规则 with a simple rule change:
新规则
如果你赶时间就可以插队 Line cutting allowed if you're in a hurry.
如果你赶时间 就可以插队
我不喜欢预判事情的后果 I hate to, like, prejudge it,
但是那些看到其他人占便宜的顾客 but customers that saw that someone else got an advantage
可能会不高兴 would probably be upset.
我想让你们知道 I want you guys to know that
我决心不惜一切代价捍卫你们的品牌 I'm determined to protect your brand at all costs.
好吧 那我们就拭目以待吧 All right, so let's see how you do that.
- 好的 - 好嘞 - Okay. - Okay.
Pink夫妇同意让我在周五午餐高峰时段 The Pinks agreed to let me prove my idea to them
向他们证明点子的可行性 during the friday lunch rush.
所以第二天我在街道旁放了一个标志 So the next day I placed a sign near the street
来宣传新规则 advertising the new rule.
为了避免人人都说自己赶时间的混乱情况出现 To avoid chaos by everyone saying they were in a rush,
我列出了一张五个可接受理由的清单 I came up with a list of five acceptable reasons
允许人们插到队伍最前面 for cutting to the front of the line:
包括医生预约 工作面试 接孩子放学 出席葬礼 doctor's appointment, job interview, picking up kid from school, funeral
或者你是一个上班要迟到的航空调度员 or if you're an air traffic controller that's late for work.
新的规则似乎非常吸引开车路过的顾客 The new policy seemed to be attracting customers who were driving by
虽然他们大多数并不满足插队的条件 even though most of them didn't qualify for line cutting.
呃 不满足 Uh, no.
不...
我是飞行员 但我不是...
但你不是航空调度员 But you're not an air traffic controller.
不 不是
但还是有几个人真的急着去其他地方 But there were several people with legitimate places to be.
你今天预约了医生吗 You have a doctor's appointment today?
- 没错 - 你的医生是谁 - Yes. - And who's your doctor?
- Pia医生 - Pia医生 - Dr. Pia. - Dr. Pia?
Pia医生的办公室 Dr. Pia's office.
你好 我打电话是为了确认一下预约 Hi, I'm calling to confirm an appointment for...
- Jason - Jason - Jason. - Jason...
- Wolf - Wolf - Wolf. - Wolf.
没错 今天五点半有Jason的预约 Yeah, we have Jason coming in at 5:30.
很好 好嘞 非常感谢 Great. Okay, thank you so much.
一旦我证实了他们的理由 And once I was able to confirm their reason...
他需要插一下队 他预约了医生 He has to cut in line. He has a doctor's appointment.
- 可以吗 - 可以啊 没事 - Is that okay? - Yeah, that's okay.
谢谢 Okay.
顾客就能插到队伍的最前面 customers could cut to the front of the line
并且没人会因此生气 without anyone getting angry.
随着时间的流逝 这个办法的效果似乎非常不错 As the day went on, the system seemed to be working great.
- 你要去参加葬礼吗 - 是的 - You are going to a funeral? - Yeah.
- 真的吗 - 是啊 - Really? - Uh-huh.
- 给谁办的葬礼 - Connie Mendel - Who's the funeral for? - Connie Mendel.
我的一个朋友 A friend of mine.
- 节哀顺变 - 没关系 没关系 - Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. - It's okay. It's okay.
但随着午餐高峰接近尾声 But as the lunch rush was winding down,
眼前一幕令我心生疑虑 I saw something that disturbed me.
我不久前遇到的一位顾客称自己赶时间 One customer that I met earlier said he was in a hurry,
我预约了医生 我忘记了 I have a doctor's appointment. I forgot.
- 你今天预约了医生吗 - 是的 - You have a doctor's appointment today? - Yes.
- 没错 - 是真的吗 - Mm-hmm. - You really do?
但当我想确认一下时 but when I tried to confirm it
他却什么信息都无法提供 he couldn't give me any information.
- 你医生的号码是 - 我没有他的号码 - What's your doctor's number or... - I don't have his number.
我没把他号码带出来 我们只是约了三点见面 I just-- I don't have it with me. I just have to go at 3:00.
我姑且相信了他 Giving him the benefit of the doubt,
并让他插到了队伍前面 I allowed him to cut to the front.
但现在 45分钟过去了 But now, 45 minutes later,
他还坐在那儿 不紧不慢的 He was still sitting there taking his time.
于是我开始怀疑 And I began to suspect
他根本就没有预约医生 that he didn't have a doctor's appointment at all.
所以我让一个摄影师偷偷跟踪到他上车 So I told one of my cameramen to secretly follow him to his car
一旦他开车离开 and once he drove off,
我便紧随其后 I followed in close pursuit
看看他说的是不是实话 to see if he was telling the truth.
这个点见医生该迟到了吧 不是吗 A bit late for the doctor by now, aren't we?
尾随了他三十分钟后 After 30 minutes of tailing him,
一个弥天大谎终于现身了 he led us straight into a lie.
他根本没有去看医生 He wasn't going to the doctor.
而是去看了一场电影 He was seeing a movie instead,
太平洋影院
这可不属于我列出的插队理由 an excuse that wasn't on my list.
这对粉氏热狗的招牌而言无疑是一记响亮的耳光 It was an unbelievable slap in the face to the Pink's name.
所以那天晚上 我回到了餐厅 So that evening, I returned to the restaurant
询问Gloria想如何处理这件事情 to see how Gloria wanted to handle this.
所以他 他插了队 So he-- he cut in line,
取了餐 然后呢 got his food, and then later?
- 他却去看了电影 - 这样啊 - He went to see a movie. - Ah.
我觉得如果你不对此做出回应 You know, I think if you don't do something to respond,
可能导致你们的品牌显得很软弱 It could make you, as a brand, look weak.
这个嘛 Well...
如果你允许的话 我想把那个家伙带上船 So with your permission, I'd like to take this guy on a boat,
一旦他被困在海上 and then once he's trapped at sea,
我就给他一次让他永生难忘的教训 teach him a lesson he'll never forget.
喔哦 喔哦 Whoa. Whoa.
这有点太过了吧 That's pretty harsh.
在和Gloria聊完后 After my conversation with Gloria,
Richard把我送了出去 Richard escorted me out
并说粉氏热狗店不再需要我的帮助 and said that he no longer wanted my help at Pink's.
但只要我对一家生意许下承诺 But when I make a promise to a business...
我决心不惜一切代价捍卫你们的品牌 I'm determined to protect your brand at all costs.
我就一定会遵守 I always keep it.
这就意味着我要靠自己让这个人明白 And that meant I had to show this guy on my own
招惹粉氏热狗店会是什么下场 what happens when you mess with Pink's.
所以通过拨打他出镜授权协议里的号码 So using the number from his appearance release,
我告诉Jonathan我是从粉氏总店联系他的 I told Jonathan I was calling from the Pink's head office
并有个好消息要告诉他 with some exciting news.
你 我的朋友 You, my friend,
是粉氏热狗店的第一千万位顾客 are the 10 millionth Pink's customer.
我勒个去 真的吗
没错 I am serious.
[诡异的傻笑]
你赢得了一次海上单人龙虾午宴 You have won a lobster lunch for one at sea.
在哪儿
在海上 At sea.
噢 谢谢 我太激动啦
太谢谢你了
恭喜你 Congratulations.
Jonathan彻彻底底地上钩了 Jonathan bought it hook, line and sinker.
于是我在圣佩德罗港停了艘船 So I docked a boat in the San Pedro harbor
之后派了辆豪华轿车 雇了俩模特 and then sent a limo with two hired models
让他在去海边的整个过程中都被蒙在鼓里 to keep the ruse going on the way to the sea.
我很开心能成为粉氏热狗店的第一千万名顾客 I'm so excited to be the 10th millionth customer of Pink's.
我超爱他们家的热狗 I love their hot dogs.
能为他们代言我感到很兴奋 I'm so excited to represent them.
Jonathan到达的时候 正合我意的被蒙在鼓里 Once Jonathan arrived, I had him right where I needed him,
而他马上就会明白 and he was about to learn
占了粉氏热狗的便宜可吃不了兜着走 that taking advantage of Pink's does not go unpunished.
不一会儿 我们便出发驶向大海 Shortly after, we headed out to sea,
而Jonathan完全不知道 and Jonathan had no idea
他的一生将会彻底改变 that his life was about to change forever.
你的人生信条是什么 What's your personal tagline?
想怎么活就怎么活 尽情享受 Live life how you want to live it and enjoy it...
- 嗯哼 - 因为没有人会 - Mm-hmm. - Because no one's gonna...
没有人能伤害你 no one can hurt you.
- 不为任何人而活 - 没错 - Don't answer to no one. - Exactly.
- 是吧 - 不为任何人而活 - Yeah. - Do not answer to nobody.
太对了 Yeah.
我真的非常开心 I'm just so happy
粉氏热狗的第一千万名顾客 that the 10 millionth Pink's customer
竟然是个如此无私又诚实的人 turned out to be such a selfless and honest guy.
没错 Yes.
当我们开到深水区时 Once we got to deep enough waters,
我领着Jonathan上了顶层甲板 I led Jonathan up to the top deck,
我的计划将在此呈现 where my plan was about to unfold.
请坐在你的专属座位上 Have a seat at your own personal table...
- 这里好美哦 - 在海上 - This is so gorgeous. - Out at sea.
不错吧 Huh?
重头戏来了 And here we go.
希望你肚子饿了 I hope you're hungry
来吃海风吧 for nothing.
就现在 Now.
幕布后面藏着四位顾客 Hiding behind a curtain were four of the people
Jonathan冷酷无情地插了他们的队 that Jonathan had callously cut in front of
就为了提前吃到热狗 to get his hot dog first.
你不是第一千万名顾客 You're not the 10 millionth customer.
你今天坐在这是因为我知道 You're here today because I know
你那天并没有和医生预约 you didn't have a doctor's appointment.
我亲眼见你走进了电影院 I saw you go into a movie theater.
- 你认真的吗 - 当然 - Are you serious? - Yes.
而你插了这四个人的队 And these are four people that you cut in front of
以自视高人一等的做派 that you thought you were better than,
其中包括一个九岁的小女孩 including a nine-year-old girl.
请不要生气 Don't be mad.
我只是不明白你为什么要插队 I just don't understand why you would cut us.
我真的很抱歉 我其实不是那种人 I am truly sorry. I'm really not like that.
我不是个骗子 虽然我当时是说了谎 I'm not a liar. I mean, even though I did say that,
我当时压力太大 我 我只是 I was--I was under a lot of--I-I just--
他问过我们是否想插到前面 He asked us if we wanted to go,
也问了我们后面的先生是否有清单上的急事 and he asked the guy behind us if we had anything on the list,
我们都表示没有 and we both said no.
- 但你得知道 我当时 - 而且你当时还说 - But, you know, I wasn't lying - And, yes, you were like,
- 并没有撒谎 - "噢 你确定吗 我不想插队的"什么的 - when I said... - "Oh, are you sure? I don't want to do it," and this, that.
- 不 我没有 - 当然 你先点吧 - No, I did not. - Sure, go ahead.
因为我们以为你约了医生 'Cause we thought it was a doctor's appointment,
我们还以为我们在帮一个陌生人的忙 and we thought we were being kind to a stranger
让赶时间的他赶紧先买个热狗吃 who was in a hurry and wanted to grab a bite to eat
然后好去见医生 before the doctor's appointment.
既然Jonathan已经认识到他的行为如何影响了他人 Now that Jonathan understood how his actions affected others,
是时候让他接受惩罚了 it was time for his punishment.
我最初设想的计划是 The initial plan I had in mind
让除Jonathan以外的所有乘客 was to unload all the passengers except Jonathan
乘上另一艘船 into a second boat
然后让Jonathan和主船一起沉入海底 and then sink the main boat with Jonathan on it.
求求你
不要啊
但节目法律顾问表示这样太不安全了 But my legal department said that this was too unsafe.
所以我勉为其难地答应采用一项更温和的惩罚措施 So I reluctantly agreed on a milder punishment.
你得从这条普通的口香糖中取一片口香糖 You have to take a piece of gum from this ordinary pack of gum.
这是什么啊 What is that?
就是条普通的口香糖 It's just an ordinary pack of gum.
我不会这么做的 I'm not gonna do it.
Jonathan 我不是在和你谈判 Jonathan, this is not a negotiation.
你犯了错 You did something wrong,
惩罚就是从这条普通的口香糖中取一片口香糖 and your punishment is you have to take a piece of gum from this ordinary pack of gum.
好吧 那我背过身去再拿 Okay. I'm gonna turn around while I do it.
- 可以 - 我都不敢看 - Okay. - I don't even want to see--
啊 好疼哎 Aah! That hurt.
疼就对了 这不是袋普通的口香糖 Yes. It wasn't a normal pack of gum.
这是电击口香糖 It was shock chewing gum.
现在他为自己的过错付出了代价 Now that he had paid for his crime,
我想要最后确认 I wanted to be sure that
下船后的Jonathan会变成一个更好的人 Jonathan left this boat a better man.
人可以被剖解为两个部分 Inside all of our anatomies, there's two parts.
一部分是个骗子 There's a part that's a liar
另一部分则是个好人 and a part that's a cool guy.
而你却让骗子那部分 And you're letting the part that's a liar
占据了你整个身体 take over your whole body.
在你内心深处 Jonathan Deep down inside you, Jonathan,
我知道那里一定还有个好人 I know there's a good, cool guy.
而且我觉得如果你努力改变自己 And I feel like if you really work on yourself,
几年之后 你甚至也能成为一个 within a few years, you could even be the one
把别人困在船上的人 trapping people on boats.
苍天啊 好吧 Oh, my lord. Okay.
你现在不应该笑的 You shouldn't be laughing right now.
是啊 但你真的好奇葩啊 No, but you're so weird.
- 不 Jonathan 我不奇葩 - 你疯了吧 - No, Jonathan, I'm not weird. - You are crazy.
没有 我很正常 No, I'm normal.
人们犯错时我给他们教训 I teach people lessons when they do something wrong.
你喜欢操纵他人 还诡计多端 You're very manipulative and conniving,
我很不喜欢 and I don't like it.
不论Jonathan是否长了教训 Whether or not Jonathan learned his lesson,
我知道自己那一天完成了一件很重要的事 I left that day knowing I had accomplished something important.
我遵守了自己的诺言 I upheld my promise
并让我发誓捍卫的品牌重获尊严 and returned dignity to the name I vowed to protect
通过让全世界知道 by letting the world know
这就是他们骗人的后果 that this is what was waiting for them
如果他们胆敢惹毛粉氏热狗店的话 if they decided to f**k with Pink's.
终身禁令
粉氏
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