翻译: 蘑菇帽子 距夏 灰豆儿
校对: pendz
我叫Nathan Fielder My name is Nathan Fielder,
后期: pendz
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一 and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
学业成绩单
并且成绩优异 with really good grades.
压制: 肉包
如今 我运用我的学识 Now I'm using my knowledge
来帮助挣扎求生的小企业主 to help struggling small business owners make it
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功 make it in this competitive world.
总监: pendz
这 This
救援 高手
电波诚译
第三季 第四集
就是救援高手 is "Nathan for You."
尼基运动是一家成长中的足球零售连锁店 Niky's Sports is a growing retail soccer chain
位于加利福尼亚的洛杉矶 in Los Angeles, California,
即使店主Niky Orellana非常希望 and although owner Niky Orellana has high hopes
变得家喻户晓 of becoming a household name,
但高昂的广告费让他望而却步 the high cost of advertising has been holding him back.
我以前会付7000美元买一整版广告页 I used to pay, like, $7,000 for a full-page ad.
尼基运动 店主
但Niky很幸运 我有一个新颖的点子 But fortunately for Niky, I had an innovative idea
能帮他的品牌获得曝光度且不破费 to gain exposure for his brand without breaking the bank.
- 你好 Niky吗 - 是的 先生 - Hi, Niky? - Yes, sir.
你好 我是Nathan Hey, Nathan.
- 你好吗 - 嗨 很好 你呢 - How you doing? - Hey, good. How are you?
挺好的 All right.
感谢你邀请我 Thanks for having me.
没关系 No problem.
呃 生意怎么样 Um, how's business going?
挺好的 All right.
为一家体育用品店打广告的最佳方式 The best way to advertise a sporting goods store
是得到专业运动员的代言 is to get the endorsement of a professional athlete.
贝克汉姆
问题是 做成那样的交易得花费上百万 The problem is, landing a deal like that can cost millions.
尼基运动
但如果尼基运动和一些有潜力的孩子 But if Niky's were to sign cheap, long-term contracts
签署价格低廉的长期合同 with a number of children that showed potential,
那么只要其中一个小孩长成专业运动员 all it would take is for one kid to turn pro
这笔投资就能获得最好的回报 for the investment to pay off big-time.
计划是趁这些孩子还便宜的时候 The plan: secure endorsements
计划:
投资小孩 以确保得到 足球明星的代言
对他们进行投资 with the soccer stars of tomorrow
以确保得到明日足球之星的代言 by investing in kids while they're still cheap.
好吧 如果有这个可能 可以呀 Well, if it's a possibility, why not?
唯一的问题是 如果你这么做 The only thing is, if you do this,
之后的10到15年是得不到回报的 it won't pay off for another 10 to 15 years' time.
- 嗯 - 所以我应该问一下 - Mm-hmm. - So I guess I should ask,
就是 你觉得那时你还在吗 you know, do you think you'll be around then?
你的健康之类的还好吗 Is your health okay and everything?
我现在还不错 I'm okay at the moment.
你懂的 我只是不想忙活大半天结果 You know, I just wouldn't want to do all this work if it's--
你到时候就死了什么的 you know, you're gonna be dead or something.
呃 你永远说不准 Well, you never know.
好吧 那可能值得试试吧 Okay. It's probably worth doing then.
- 是啊 - 在这上面赌一把 - Yeah. - Roll the dice on that.
我想也是 I guess.
Niky同意了 所以之后的几周内 Niky was in, so over the next couple weeks,
我去观看了几场本地区的最佳青年队伍 I went to watch several of the best-ranked youth teams in the area,
记录他们的最佳球员 taking note of their top players.
有些孩子太烂了 对吧 Some of these kids suck, huh?
你说什么？
有些孩子太烂了 Some of these kids suck.
有些小孩还在慢慢学
噢 没错 Oh, yeah.
每场比赛后 我都会在停车场等待 And after each game, I would wait in the parking lot
然后与他们的父母交谈 to talk to their parents.
你的孩子刚才太棒了 Your kid was really good.
- 噢 谢谢你 - 没错 你刚才很棒 - Oh, thank you. - Yeah, you were really good.
- 你叫什么 - Josh - What's your name? - Josh.
Josh 你好 很高兴见到你 我是Nathan Josh, hey, nice to meet you. Nathan.
我告诉他们 我在寻找年轻运动员做代言人 I told them I was scouting young athletes for an endorsement deal,
他妈妈看起来有兴趣 and his mom seemed interested,
所以我在得到同意后测量了他的所有生理数据 so I asked permission to take all his physical measurements
我将由此进行最终的决定 which I would then use to make my final decision.
很好 Great.
在这几天中 Over the course of several days,
我尽量收集了很多拔尖的小孩的信息 I gathered information on as many of the top kids as I could,
虽然有些家长存有疑虑 and even though some parents had doubts
怀疑孩子的潜力 about their kids' potential...
我觉得他不会在这方面做出什么成绩
- 因为他很 好吧 - 没错 - Because he's--okay. - Yeah.
是啊 没错
但我还是获得了洛杉矶地区 I was still able to get extensive data
40名有前途的年轻运动员的大量数据 on 40 promising young athletes from in and around the City of Angels.
但是在报价前 我想弄清楚 But before making offers, I wanted to figure out
哪些孩子最有可能发展出 which of these kids were most likely to develop
专业足球运动员所需的运动体格 the athletic physique needed to play soccer professionally,
所以我和Cornelius Ladd见了面 so I met with Cornelius Ladd,
他是我在Craigslist网站上找到的增龄预测专家 an age progression specialist I found on Craigslist,
自称能够精确预测出 who said he could accurately predict
这些孩子长大之后的样子 what these kids would look like when they were all grown up.
我不太懂增龄预测 I don't know much about age progression.
所以这是一种科学吗 Is this kind of a science then?
是的 警方经常运用这项科技 Yes, police use this technology all the time...
- 好吧 - 调查失踪儿童的案件 - Okay. - For missing children's cases,
而且真的有儿童因此被警方找到 and children have actually been found by the police
就根据像我这样的艺术家的预测图 based on renderings of artists like myself.
- 哇 - 我是说 - Wow. - I mean,
我真的非常擅长于预测 I have a really good eye for what could possibly be,
一个人可能长成什么样 as far as what a person could look like.
Cornelius看起来非常适合这项工作 Cornelius seemed perfect for the job,
所以我给了他一个闪存盘 so I gave him a jump drive
存有我挑选的最佳球员的所有照片 containing all the photos of my top picks,
那周晚些时候 我回去看结果 and later that week, I returned to see the results.
好了 所以 这就是他吗 All right, so... this is him?
没错 Yes.
呃 这是几岁 Um, what age is this at?
这名儿童 我相信是8岁 This child, I believe, is 8,
我将他的年龄增至22岁左右 and I age-progressed him to around 22,
这张照片上有些明显的年龄增长 and there's quite a bit of progression in this picture
你看这个小孩本来没有胡子 where you take this young child who has no facial hair,
我增加了一些胡子 and I added facial hair.
他的脸长得更开了 His face is spread out more.
他自己选择不留任何头发 His hair is completely gone because of a choice,
你知道的 如今很多人留光头 and you know, a lot of people wear bald today.
挺流行的 It's a "In" thing.
你有多确定 How sure are you
这个男孩长大后会是这样的 this is what his body is gonna look like?
身体增长来说 大概百分之九十左右 I would say his body's about 90%.
经过持续增龄后 At a constant progression,
他的身体有百分之九十的概率长成这样 his body would look like that, 90%.
百分之九十的概率 90% chance?
是的 Yeah.
好吧 Okay.
好了 你想看下一个吗 Okay. You want to go to the next one?
- 下一个 - 是的 - Next one? - Yeah.
好 当然 Okay, sure.
在这张照片中 So in this picture,
我觉得他会长成一个很好看的小伙子 I think he would grow to be a very attractive young man,
我试图在照片中展现这一点 and I tried to show that in the picture
同时保证他还是之前的种族 and also to keep his ethnicity the same, you know.
你非常确定他将来是这个样子的吗 You're pretty sure this is how he'll look?
是的 毫无疑问 Yes, definitely.
一样的 你在法庭上都可以用它作证据 Again, you can use this in a court of law.
你确定吗 因为这可是关乎很多钱的大事 You're sure? 'Cause there's a lot of money riding on this.
我百分之九十的确定 I'm 90% sure.
好吧 呃 什么 Okay. Um, what--
- 让我们来看下一个 - 下一个 - Let's go to the next one. - Next one?
- 下一个 - 好的 - Next one. - Okay.
她为什么这么玩弄自己的头发 Why is she playing with her hair like that?
因为很可爱啊 'Cause it's cute.
好吧 Okay.
在她身上 我加入了一点自己的想象 In her, I'm projecting my own little imagination,
我觉得她玩得很开心 but I project that she's having fun.
所以这是科学 但是 So it's science, but then
你又加入了自己的观点 还是 you add your own kind of opinions, or--
没错 做这个项目的时候 Right, you have to have a vision
必须要有一定的想象 when you start the project.
最终 你得到的就是科学和想象 Ultimately, what you end up with is science and vision.
所以这是二者的结合咯 So this is a combination of both?
是的 这是科学与想象的结合 Right, it's a combination of science and vision.
好吧 呃 Okay. Um...
这是个男孩 This is a boy.
- 才不是 - 就是 没错 - No. - This, yeah.
好吧 所以 我弄成了女孩 Okay, so... I made this a girl.
好吗 我以为这是个女孩 Okay? I thought this was a girl.
好吧 这 这是个男孩 Okay. I-I-It's a boy.
- 好吧 - 应该是 嗯 - Okay. - I believe, yeah.
那么 这至少说明 Well, the good news about that is--
至少挺好笑的 我可以把这个女孩 男孩 or the funny news is that I could take a girl or boy
变成一个女孩 and make it into a girl.
我现在更担心准确度了 I'm just more concerned with accuracy.
好吧 下个版本我会把他变成男人 Yeah, I'll make him a man on the next version.
好吧 呃 Okay. Um--
虽然我有点质疑Cornelius的一些决定 I wasn't sure about some of Cornelius' choices,
但是我仍然觉得 but still, I felt like
这些信息足够让我开始报价了 I had enough information to start making offers,
所以那周晚些时候 我开始约谈父母 so later that week, I began meeting with the parents
让我挑出的小球员们签署代言合同 of my top picks to negotiate an endorsement deal
如果他们的孩子成为专业球员 就要履行代言义务 that would go into effect if their kids went pro.
我们认为250美元的报价非常公平 We think $250 is very fair
鉴于你们小孩的年龄 because of the age of your child,
我们的期望价 呃 会比较低 and we expect, you know, a low price
因为我们买代言权时他还 你懂的 很烂 because we are buying while he still, you know, sucks.
- 嗯 - 好吧 - Hmm. - Okay.
也没见其他人来找你们签合同 对吧 I mean, no one else is offering you deals, right?
对 Right.
那就好了 All right.
大部分家长同意签订我们的合约 The majority of parents agreed to sign our contract,
只要这些孩子成为明星运动员 which would allow Niky's to use their kids
尼基运动就能请他们做未来的品牌大使 as future brand ambassadors if they became star athletes,
但最令我激动的还是 but I was most excited about
与我最顶尖的种子选手Sasha达成协议 landing a deal with my top prospect, Sasha.
他在球场上技术娴熟 His skills on the field
远远超过了任何其他球员 far exceeded any of the other players,
而且我觉得他最有可能 and I felt like he was our best shot
变成专业球员并且成为巨星 at playing in the big leagues and becoming a star,
所以我和他爸爸谈好后 so once I finished up with his dad,
就和他坐下面谈 I sat down with him
确保他走在正轨上 to make sure he stayed on track.
我们很高兴能和你做生意 We're really excited to be in business with you.
我看得出你很有潜力 I see a lot of potential.
潜力是什么意思呀 What does potential mean?
但正当我们聊着他的未来时 But as we were chatting about his future,
Sasha的话使我受到了意外打击 Sasha said something that blindsided me.
我长大之后想成为宇航员 When I grow up, I want to become an astronaut.
- 真的吗 - 真的 - Really? - Yeah.
Sasha 要知道 你可以做任何事情 I mean, Sasha, you know, you can do what you want,
但是你真正的天赋在球场上 but, you know, your talent really is on the field.
但是 我想 等我长大了 But I think when I'm older enough like you,
我可能有机会去月球 maybe I could go to the moon.
他的话让我非常担忧 I was deeply concerned.
Sasha要是决定追求自己的梦想 If Sasha chose to pursue his dream
去航天局工作 of working in the space program,
尼基运动的宣传企划就要遭殃了 it would be a huge setback for Niky's endorsement portfolio.
我得想个办法保住Sasha I had to find a way to keep him on track,
那周晚些时候 so later that week,
我安排了一位"真正"的宇航员 I arranged for who I said was a real astronaut
来Sasha的家里拜访 to pay a visit to Sasha's home,
但事实上 这位宇航员是我的老朋友James Bailey but in reality, this astronaut was my old pal James Bailey,
据我所知 他很擅长 who I knew had a special skill
对小孩进行规劝 for nudging children in the right direction.
- 我今天给你准备了一个特别的惊喜 - 好哇 - I have a special surprise for you today. - Okay.
你想见一见真正的宇航员吗 How would you like to meet a real-life astronaut?
- 真正的宇航员 - 没错 - A real one? - Yeah.
于是我把James带来 给Sasha讲一讲 So I brought in James to help Sasha learn a bit more
外天空的生活 about life in space.
我的人生就像一场噩梦 My whole life has just been a nightmare.
真的是很可怕的经历 It's a terrible experience.
我有好多朋友要么死在了外太空 You know, most of my friends have died in space
要么就是被逼疯了 or gone insane
因为外太空上实在太孤独了 from the unimaginable loneliness of being there.
- 真的吗 - 真的 - Yeah? - Yeah.
我的老婆和孩子 都死在了外太空 My wife and my kids, they died in space.
死于一场意外 It was an accident.
可是小孩子不是不能去外太空吗 But I thought kids can't go to space.
- 是的 我把他们偷偷带上了飞船 - 哦 - Yeah, I smuggled 'em on against the rules. - Oh.
随着James的讲解 我看得出 As James went on, I could tell
Sasha也慢慢开始理解 Sasha was getting a better understanding
太空旅行的种种危害 of the dangers of space travel.
有些餐馆甚至不允许我在那吃饭 Some restaurants, they won't even serve me
就因为我曾经是宇航员 because I used to be an astronaut.
真的吗 就像有色人种 Really? That's like a brown person.
很久以前 如果你是有色人种 If you were a brown person a long time ago,
那么你就不能进餐馆 what happened, like, you couldn't go to a restaurant.
你也是这样的吗 Is that how it feels?
没错 差不多就是这样 Yeah, that's kind of how it is.
有些人就会受到这种歧视 It's that kind of discrimination that happens.
-真的吗 - 没错 你知道吗 - Really? - Yeah, you know what,
我很后悔没有成为足球运动员 I really just wish I had decided to be a soccer player
而是成为了宇航员 instead of an astronaut.
- 真的吗 - 对啊 可惜现在太晚了 - Oh? - Yeah, it's too late for me now.
我下次出任务估计都没法活着回来 I'll probably die on my next mission anyways.
真的吗 你什么时候去 两年之后吗 Really? When is it, in two years?
对 没错 两年之后 Yes, sure, two years from now.
等James和Sasha聊完天 After James was done talking to Sasha,
我回来查看成果如何 I came back in to see how it went.
哇 刚刚还挺好玩的呢 Wow, that was cool, huh?
是的 太酷了 Yeah, it was amazing.
- 你和一名真正的宇航员聊了天 - 是的 - You got to talk to a real astronaut. - Yeah.
所以你学到了什么 So what did you learn?
他说他全家人都死在了外太空 He said that his family died in space
因为他违规把孩子带上了飞船 because he didn't follow the rules, and he took his kid.
- 嗯 - 他还告诉我 有一次 - Mm. - And he told me that once,
有个外星人试图把他 把他拽进太阳里 a alien tried to--to pull him into the sun.
哦 好的 Oh, okay.
所以你还想当宇航员吗 So do you still want to be an astronaut?
嗯 一点点吧 不是很想了 Well, a little, not really, not as much.
那你以后想干嘛呢 What do you think you're gonna do instead?
踢足球 Play soccer.
你要是这么决定的话 也没人拦着你 Well, if that's your choice, then that's your choice.
嗯 Yeah
Sasha重回正轨 Sasha was back on track,
现在 我终于可以回到尼基运动 and that meant I could finally return to Niky's
带上我准备好的代言人合集 with the solid portfolio of kids I needed
来帮助它成为全国知名品牌 to give him the best shot at becoming a national brand.
其中有一些孩子肯定会失败 I mean, some of them are definitely gonna flame out,
但只要有一个成为专业运动员 but all you really need is one to go pro
你就大获成功了 for this to pay off big-time,
所以前景还是挺乐观的 so I think your odds are pretty good.
- 哦 - 没错 - Oh. - Yes.
好的 Good.
我个人有个习惯 One thing I like to do is
就是要跟进我合作过的公司 follow up with the businesses I work with, you know,
要看计划实施之后到底会不会成功 once the idea's done, to find out if it was actually successful.
呃 Um...
嗯 Mm-hmm.
你刚刚在干嘛 What did you just do?
- 没干嘛 - 哦 那好的 - Nothing. - Oh, okay.
就看了一眼手机吗 Just looking at your phone?
好的 那没事 Okay, that's okay.
好的 非常感谢 Um, okay. Thanks so much,
多多保重 and uh, take care.
祝你好运 Good luck.
Emily Yep经营的古董店 Emily Yep has been operating her antique shop,
木兰杨柳 Magnolia and Willow,
地处长滩地区 已经营业五年多 in the Long Beach area, for over five years,
但是最近 她发觉生意越来越不景气 but lately, she's been finding it tough to get customers in the door.
木兰杨柳店主
顾客少的时候确实很艰难 It does get hard when it's really slow. I mean,
感觉就像是世界末日 it's--it always feels like it's the end of the world.
但是经过一番考察 But after surveying the neighborhood,
鸡尾酒-桌球-游戏
运动酒吧
我发现Emily并没有充分利用 I realized that Emily might not be taking
周围的地理优势 full advantage of her surroundings,
于是我就上门拜访 给她提建议 so I paid her a visit with a way to help.
我发现附近有很多酒吧和夜店 I noticed there are a lot of bars and nightclubs in the area.
- 是的 - 有什么影响吗 - Yeah. - Is that something you like?
呃 偶尔会比较麻烦 Um, it's a little hard.
有时候会有人喝高了闹事 Sometimes we have some problems with over-serving
之类的事吧 但是大部分时候 and that kind of thing, but most of the time,
我们晚上六点就关门了 所以没什么影响 we're closed by 6:00, so it doesn't affect us as much.
不过这也许能影响生意 But maybe it should.
木兰杨柳有着严格的打破照价赔偿政策 You see, Magnolia and Willow has a strict "You break it, you buy it" Policy,
打破照价赔偿
也就是说 商品一旦损坏 就相当于卖出去了 meaning that if an item breaks, it's as good as a sale,
所以说 假如晚上六点不关门 so if, instead of closing at 6:00 p.M.,
关门时间 下午6点
Emily延长营业时间 Emily extended her hours
24小时 营业
一直通宵经营的话 to be open straight through the night,
那么就会有更多喝醉的顾客 her chances of inebriated customers
帮助提高商品销量 generating new sales would greatly increase.
计划:
计划是 为了吸引深夜醉汉 The Plan: attract late-night drunks
通宵24小时营业 以便吸引醉汉
改成24小时营业 by staying open 24 hours a day.
嗯 可能行得通吧 我是说 Well, possibly, I guess, yeah. I mean,
我估计 或许吧 I would--I guess so, yeah.
我是说 依我看 I mean, the way I see it,
- 要是能吸引到合适的醉汉 - 嗯 - if you get the right drunk in here... - Yeah.
你一夜之间赚的钱可能超过 You could make more in a single night
一个月的销售额 than you do all month.
我只是觉得 比起损坏的商品 I just wouldn't prefer a broken item.
我更愿意卖出完好的商品 不过 嗯 I'd rather sell a good one, but yeah,
最终结果还是一样的 I mean it would be the same thing,
不管怎样都卖出去了 所以 no matter what happens, so.
你看 这里的好多商品 I mean, a lot of this stuff is--probably the only way
要想卖得出去 只能靠打碎赔偿 you're gonna get anything for it is if someone breaks it.
- 一小部分商品吧 - 嗯嗯 - Well, some of the items, but yeah. - Yeah, yeah.
嗯 Yeah.
Emily同意试一试我的点子 Emily agreed to try out my idea
看看结果是不是我预料的那样 to see if it got the results I had promised,
于是 第二天 我回到店里 so the next day, I returned to the store
正式修改了营业时间 and officially changed the hours.
即 日 起 24 小 时 营 业
为了方便我们实行计划 Then to help our cause,
我故意把过道变窄了一点 I had the aisles narrowed slightly
然后把销量不佳的商品 and moved some of her poorer-selling items
挪到了合适的位置 to an area of the store
以此增加"意外接触"的风险 that would increase the likelihood of accidental contact.
当天傍晚 太阳下山以后 So that evening, once the sun went down,
我们该看看延长营业时间是否真的凑效了 it was time to see if the new extended hours would work.
但是我知道今晚的销量 But knowing that tonight's sales
会决定Emily是否继续采用我的计划 would determine if Emily kept using my idea,
于是为了确保计划有效 I wanted to guarantee we had some results,
我来到了附近的酒吧 so I headed to a nearby bar
决定结交一名醉客 with a plan to befriend a drunk patron
把他带回店铺里 and lead them back to the store.
你知道隔壁那家古董店吗 Do you know the antique shop next door?
- 哦 知道 知道 - 他们现在改成24小时营业了 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - They're open 24 hours now.
24小时？
真奇怪
好几次搭讪当地醉汉失败之后 After a few unsuccessful attempts to connect with the locals...
滚开
我终于找到一个愿意和我聊天的人 I finally found someone who was willing to chat.
你最喜欢的电影是什么 What's your favorite movie?
<盗梦空间> "Inception."
- <盗梦空间> 真的假的 - 真的 - "Inception," Really? - Yeah.
- 你看过吗 - 为什么 - Have you seen that? - Why?
- 为什么最喜欢这一部 - 你最喜欢哪一部 - Why is it your favorite movie? - What's yours?
<阿甘正传> "Forrest Gump."
他说他叫JJ He told me his name was JJ,
他看起来最有可能 and he seemed like my best shot
给Emily带来一笔大收入 at getting a big sale for Emily,
但要想计划成功 我得先把他灌醉 but for this to work, I needed to get him drunk
同时我自己要保持清醒 while staying sober enough myself
以便实行计划 to execute the plan,
在出发之前 我把一个小型真空泵 so prior to my arrival, I had a vacuum-powered device
缝进我的夹克内衬 sewn into the lining of my jacket
这样就能偷偷地吸掉 that was designed to discreetly suck up
杯子里的酒精 并通过一根管子 the alcohol I was served through a tube,
导入我背上的袋子 into a pouch on my back.
而第二个装置会把苹果汁 Then a second motor would deliver apple juice
从另一个袋子里导出来 快速灌满我的杯子 from a different pouch, quickly refilling the glass
这样 我就能和JJ举杯畅饮 and allowing me to go shot-for-shot with JJ
而一点都不会喝醉 without losing my focus one bit.
干杯 Cheers.
在接下来的一个小时里 Over the course of the next hour,
我们喝了好几轮 we had several rounds,
并且我注意到JJ越来越醉了 and I noticed that JJ was getting pretty tipsy.
我的室友把这张纸条放在我的口袋里 My roommates put this piece of paper in my pocket.
表示"以防你今晚喝得太醉了找不到家" Like, "Just in case you get too drunk and get lost tonight."
- 这是你的地址吗 - 是的 - That's your address? - Yeah.
他们在你口袋里放了一张写有你地址的纸条吗 They put a piece of paper with your address in your pocket?
所以说你经常喝醉 So you get drunk often.
哦 是的 Oh, yeah.
- 特别醉 - 每天晚上 - Really drunk. - Every night.
我觉得我们终于准备好出发了 And I felt that we were finally ready to head out.
我向他解释说这些摄像机 I explained to him that the cameras were there
是用来拍摄一部长滩夜生活的纪录片 for a documentary about nightlife in Long Beach,
但实际上我唯一的目标 but in reality, my only goal
是让他进入古董店 was to get him inside the antique shop.
我只需要再做一件事就准备完毕了 There was just one more step I had to take to get him ready.
那边有个变装舞会 There's this costume party in the area that--
- 变装舞会吗 - 是的 - A costume party? - Yeah.
我们去吧 Let's go.
- 你想去吗 - 是的 - You want to go? - Yeah.
安全永远是我的第一要务 Safety is always my number one priority,
所以我想出了一个变装舞会的主意 so I came up with the idea of a costume party
以便让JJ穿上一套有衬垫的衣服 as a way to get JJ into a padded outfit
免得他跌跌撞撞进入Emily的商店后 that would protect him against any antiques he might shatter
在打碎古董的时候受伤 once he stumbled into Emily's store.
- 酷哦 - 哦 该死 - Cool--oh. - Oh, shit.
穿好衣服后我们出发去我编造的舞会 And with that, we headed out to my made-up party.
我只是希望我能说服他 I just hoped I could convince him
在中途稍作停留 to make a stop along the way.
不错呀 看 24小时开放 Oh, sweet, look. Open 24 hours.
是什么啊 What is it?
看起来像个商店 但是快看 Looks like some sort of store, but look.
店内供应 免费披萨
- 免费的 - 免费的披萨 - Free p-- - Free pizza.
你看到了吗 就在后面 Do you see it? It's right back there.
就在后面那个保温灯的旁边 It's right there at the back by a heat lamp.
- 我们进去吧 - 好的 - Let's go. - All right.
- 你跟我一起吗 - 嗯嗯嗯 - You're coming with me? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
哦 Ooh.
你没事吧 伙计 You okay, man?
我目前还好 I'm all right right now.
好吧 你最好小心点 All right. You better be careful.
没事的 It's all right.
小心你后面 Watch your back.
没路走了 There's no way.
我过不去了 太挤了 I can't even fit through that. It's too tight.
那个 你还想不想要披萨了啊 Well, what do you--I mean, do you want the pizza or what?
我被卡在这里了 I'm kind of wedged here.
- 你把这东西打破了 - 是的 我看到了 - You broke this stuff. - Right, I see that,
所以我才 呃 and that's why I'm, like, eh,
我真的不想再打破什么了 I don't really want to break anymore
这些东西太他妈贵了 'cause it's f**king super expensive.
- 你们店是打破照价赔偿吗 - 是的 - You have a "You break it, you buy it" Policy? - Yeah.
计划成功了 The plan was a success.
JJ损坏了大量的古董 JJ had destroyed a large selection of antiques,
一旦他从过道里出来 and once he freed himself from the aisle,
Emily要做的就是将损坏的物品分类 all Emily had to do was catalogue the broken items...
你还挺笨手笨脚的呢 You're pretty clumsy, huh?
有什么办法我能把这东西脱下来吗 Is there any way I can take this thing off?
然后算账 And ring up the sale.
大约是280美元的损失 It's about $280 worth of damage,
而且这个价格可能还算少了 and that's probably getting off easy
- 因为我算不了到底打破多少东西 - 是哦 - cause I couldn't really assess all of that broken-- - Right.
就这样 Emily做了一笔大买卖 So with that, Emily got to make a sizable sale.
吸取教训了吧 Well, lesson learned, huh?
- 是吧 - 很遗憾 - Right. - Sorry.
JJ甚至还可以带一些古董回家 And JJ even got to take home some antiques.
如果你从这边看 它就像是新的一样 If you look at it this way, it looks like it's brand-new.
是啊 Right.
所以 So...
算是因祸得福吧 it's kind of a blessing in disguise.
对 对 对 Right, right, right.
我很高兴一切顺利 I was so happy everything worked out,
Emily似乎真的被这个想法打动了 and Emily seemed really won over by the idea,
但当我们离开商店时 but as we left the store,
我注意到JJ还醉得厉害 I noticed that JJ was still pretty drunk,
既然他花了这么大一笔钱 and since he made such a big purchase,
我觉得我至少能做一个绅士 I felt the least I could do was be a gentleman
开车送他回家 and give him a ride home.
你经常做这样的事吗 Do you often do stuff like that
不认真考虑后果 without really thinking it through?
呃 是的 Um, yeah.
正当我们开车前往JJ的公寓 As we drove to JJ's apartment,
我本以为今晚任务已经结束了 I thought my night was over,
但就在那时他开始和我谈论 but that's when he started talking to me
他的性生活 about his sex life.
"双飞女孩" 耶 Tag team a girl, yeah.
- "双飞女孩"吗 - 是的 - Tag team a girl? - Yeah.
是 什么意思 Yeah, what's that?
就是两个男人和一个女的玩三人行 It's when you have a threesome with two guys and one girl.
- 你这么做过吗 - 是的 - And you do that? - Yeah.
好吧 好吧 Yeah, yeah.
事实上我经常和我兄弟一起做 I do it with my brother a lot, actually.
- 哦真的吗 - 我和我兄弟超强 - Oh, really? - Me and my brother are dogs.
JJ开始详细讲述 JJ began going into detail
他和他兄弟的三人行 about the threesomes he has with his brother,
那时候 我真的只想回家 and at that point, I really just wanted to get home,
但当我送他下车时 but when I dropped him off,
他坚持要我见见那个伙计 he insisted that I meet the guy,
所以我在外面等JJ进去 so I waited outside as JJ went in
把他兄弟带了出来 and brought out his brother.
你们和同一个女孩上床 You guys have sex with the same girl.
是的 Yeah.
我跟他说了 我跟他说了"双飞" I told him about-- I told him about tag team.
- 好吧 - 我告诉他了 - Yeah. - I told him.
你们是兄弟吗 So you guys are brothers?
- 嗯哼 - 是的 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah.
来自俄亥俄州
- 你们俩会和同一个女孩上床吗 - 嗯哼 - And you guys, you'll have sex with the same girl? - Mm-hmm
妈的 我操女人的时候 Shit, I'll be f**king a girl
他可能就在我旁边操女人 when he's f**king a girl right next to me.
有时候还是两个女的 Two...even, like.
然后你们在过程中会看着对方吗 And then you're looking at each other during it?
- 不 - 房间里很黑 - No. - It's dark in the room.
灯是完全关着的 你什么都看不见 Lights are off all the way, and you don't see shit.
挺好的 It's fine.
但如果你们不需要看着对方 But if you're not looking at each other,
你们还和同一个女生上床 and you're having sex with a girl,
为什么不干脆一个人先做 why not just one of you do it,
然后下一个再做呢 and then the next one does it later?
因为我们就喜欢这么干啊 Cause it's something we do,
对 我们就喜欢这么干 Right, it's just something we've done.
我在俄亥俄州的哥们儿都爱干这事 I mean, all my homeboys from back in Ohio, they do it.
- 每个人都干这事儿 Max 还有George - J小队万岁 - Everybody does this shit, Max, f**king George. - J-squad.
J小队超牛逼 Shout out to that J-squad.
- J小队超牛逼 - J小队 - Shout out to that J-squad. - J-squad
我想说的是 我看你们这样 I mean, the one-- I do look at you guys,
其实我心里有一点嫉妒 and a part of me is envious that, you know,
我的生命中没有与我关系如此亲近的人 I don't have someone in my life that is--I'm this close with.
很高兴看到兄弟之情能达到这种程度 It's nice to see brotherly love taken to that level, in a way.
是的 我当然明白你的意思 Yeah, I definitely see where you're coming from.
- 就好像 - 你懂得 - It's just-- - And, like, you know--
- 对我们来说这就 - 这没什么 - To us, it's just, like-- - it's nothing.
这他妈就是我们的习惯 It's just, like, that's what f**king we're used to.
我们早就习惯了 We're used to all this shit.
- 很高兴认识你们 - 是的 是的 - It's great meeting you. - Yeah, yeah.
好吧 伙计 All right, man.
- 再见了 - 好嘞 - See you, guys. - Yup.
好吧 老兄 拜 All right, buddy, yup
度过了一个成功的夜晚后 With a successful night under our belt,
我终于可以回到木兰杨柳 I could finally return to Magnolia and Willow
了解一下Emily对于计划的想法 to get Emily's thoughts on how it went.
- 那可是一笔大买卖 对吧 - 是 是的 - I mean, that's a pretty big sale, right? - Yeah, yeah
- 是 当然 挺有效的 - 那你觉得怎么样 - Yeah, definitely, it helps, yeah. - So how'd you feel about that?
- 这 - 很好 你懂的 - That's-- - It's good, yeah, and, you know,
- 就像每次搬运商品一样 - 非常棒吧 - like any time we're moving any product, - Great, right?
总能对商店带来收益 所以 it's always beneficial to the store, so--
可卖出去了很多商品 That was a lot of product.
嗯 是挺好的吧 Yeah, I mean, it was good.
- 当然 - 只是我有点介意 - Definitely. - It's just kind of awkward ...
让那些喝得有点高的人进来 having people that might be having a little too much to drink.
在店里不太好控制他们之类的 It's a little harder to control in your store, that kind of thing.
嗯 不过东西还是卖出去了 Well, a sale's a sale.
- 是的 当然 - 嗯 没错 - Yeah, for sure. - Yeah, definitely.
好吧 All right.
嗯 谢谢你所有的帮助和建议 Yeah, thank you for all your help and your suggestions.
我觉得挺好的 This is all really great.
- 嗯嗯 - 试了一下挺好的 谢谢 - Mm-hmm. - Good experience to try it. Thank you.
好的 Yeah.
祝你过得愉快 Have a good day.
好 你 你也是 Yeah, you-- no, you too.
谢谢 Thanks.
谢谢 Thank you.
如果你只是瞥一眼这张照片 If you're just glancing at that picture,
你看不出任何PS痕迹 you cannot tell that was done in Photoshop.
你会认为这是一张真实的照片 You would think that was an actual picture.
- 嗯 是 - 我是说 - Yeah, yeah. - I mean,
如果你看到这张照片放在桌子上 if you saw this picture lying on a table somewhere
你不会认为这是PS的 you wouldn't think that was done in Photoshop.
你就只会想"哦好吧 那儿有张照片" You would just think, "Oh, all right. There is a picture somewhere."
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