翻译: 灰豆儿 丸之内 距夏
校对: pendz
我叫Nathan Fielder My name is Nathan Fielder,
后期: pendz
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一 and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
学业成绩单
并且成绩优异 with really good grades.
压制: 肉包
如今 我运用我的学识 Now I'm using my knowledge
来帮助挣扎求生的小企业主 to help struggling small business owners
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功 make it in this competitive world.
总监: pendz
这 This...
救援 高手
电波诚译
第三季 第六集
就是救援高手 is "Nathan for You."
如果您是一位商人 If you're a traveling businessman
到加州波莫纳出差 visiting Pomona, California,
那你很可能会下榻于著名的山顶酒店 chances are you'll stay at the iconic Hilltop Hotel.
但最近 酒店经理Kenny Pang But recently, hotel manager Kenny Pang
特别渴望吸引新的客户类型 has been eager to attract a new type of clientele:
来度假的家庭 families on vacation.
我们酒店希望能有更多的家庭入住 The hotel would like to, you know, get more families to come in
山顶酒店经理
因为他们 他们入住的话 because when they-- when they come in,
会比其他客人住得久 they will stay a lot longer than the other guests.
但据我所知 But as far as I'm concerned,
如果你想要吸引家庭入住 if you want to attract families,
你必须迎合父母的需求 you have to cater to the needs of the parents.
所以我去拜访Kenny 希望能帮上忙 So I paid Kenny a visit with a way to help.
当情侣们单独住在酒店时 When couples stay alone in a hotel,
如果他们的关系进展得很好 if their relationship's going well,
他们通常会做爱 对吧 they'll usually have sex, right?
是的 Yeah.
这是常识 That's common sense.
是的 但当家人一起旅行时 Yeah. But when families travel together,
父母们应该会觉得非常难受 I imagine it's incredibly frustrating for the parents
因为他们无法进行性交 because they're unable to engage in sexual intercourse
毕竟他们的孩子也在 because their kids are there.
你知道吗 You know what?
我还从来没有注意过这个问题 I never, ever really pay attention to this matter.
但是 问题确实存在 But...it's out there.
目前 Right now,
父母们之所以不想在度假期间做爱 the reason why parents don't want to have sex while on vacation
是因为他们的孩子会目睹他们的行为 is because their children will see and hear them,
从而造成无法愈合的 leading to permanent developmental damage
永久性发育损害 which can never be repaired.
但如果山顶酒店提供便携式隔音箱 But if the Hilltop Hotel could offer a portable soundproof box
把孩子与父母的肉体行为 that completely isolates the child
完全隔离开来的话 from his parents' carnal acts,
酒店很快会成为有性生活的父母 they'd quickly become the top hotel choice
带着孩子旅行的首选 for sexually active parents traveling with their children.
计划是让父母能在孩子在场时做爱 The plan: Attract families to the Hilltop
计划:
从而吸引家庭游客来山顶酒店住宿 by giving them a way to have sex with their kids in the room.
那还是在房间 里面 Then, it would still be inside...the room.
你是这个意思吗 哦 对不起 Is that what you're saying? Oh, sorry.
最棒的是孩子们不会觉得 You know, the best part is kids wouldn't see this
自己是被关进了"监狱" as some prison they're forced into.
这个隔离箱里会很好玩 It would be a fun isolation box
所有年龄段的孩子都会喜欢的 that kids of all ages would enjoy.
呃 Um...
如果你这么说 理论上也许可以吧 If you put it that way, theoretically, maybe.
Kenny慢慢觉得我的想法有潜力 Kenny was beginning to see the potential of my idea
甚至还提出了一些自己的建议 and even had some suggestions of his own.
孩子们喜欢的那些东西 Every single thing that kids would love
都可以放到箱子里 could go into that box.
就比如 小手电筒啊 I mean, you know, little flashlights, you know,
还有小星星 到晚上就亮起来 little stars too, you know, go off at night.
但是在采用方案之前 But before committing to anything,
他想要先看看可用的雏形 he wanted to see a working prototype.
于是我开始建造第一个隔离室 So I got to work constructing our first isolation chamber
大小能够容纳 that would be large enough
一个16岁以下的孩子 to house a child up to 16 years of age.
但是由于最重要的是隔音效果 But since the most important part was the soundproofing,
所以我们给内墙垫了15厘米的岩棉絮 we layered the inside walls with 6 inches of rock wool batting
还增加了一个软木衬里的内室 and then added a cork-lined inner chamber
其中的加压密封还能消除振动 with a pressurized seal that would eliminate vibrations.
因为箱子必须要密封 Because the box had to be airtight,
所以我还安装了独立的呼吸系统 I also installed a self-contained breathing system
可以在充入氧气的同时排出二氧化碳 that would pump oxygen in while scrubbing out the CO2
这样孩子就不会窒息了 so the child wouldn't suffocate.
同时作为最后的预防措施 And as a final precaution,
我做了一套雨林的声音 I created a rainforest soundscape
配合定制的动物叫声在箱里播放 to play inside the box with custom animal calls
希望这可以掩盖 that would hopefully camouflage
不小心通过隔音的做爱的声音 any sex noises that happened to get through.
哦哦嘿嘿啊啊 Ooh-ooh-ee-ee-ah-ahh....
呃呃啊 Ruh-ruh-ah...
哦 Oooooooh...
做好了预防工作 With every precaution taken
箱子现在也装饰得特别有童趣 and the box now decorated to make it exciting for kids,
看来我们的箱子雏形已经做好了 it seemed like our prototype was complete.
但我知道哪怕一丁点做爱的声音 But I knew that if even one sex noise
不小心传进箱子里 happened to get through to the inside,
山顶酒店都要为伤害小孩纯洁的心灵负责任 the Hilltop could be liable for traumatizing an innocent child.
所以在一间套房里安置箱子后 So after setting up the box in one of their suites,
我雇佣了两个色情表演者 I hired two pornographic performers
来帮我测试现实生活中的情景 to help me test it out under real-life circumstances.
你们通常是以接吻开始 Do you normally start, like, kissing a little bit,
然后变得越来越 and then it gets more and more or--
要看是拍什么戏 It kind of depends on the scene.
成人娱乐模特
就是吧 通常 有时候会接吻 I mean, usually, like, sometimes, there's kissing.
有时候就直接口交 Sometimes, it just goes straight to blowjob.
- 哦 好的 - 是的 - Oh, okay. - Yeah.
当Tony和Holly在浴室里准备的时候 While Tony and Holly got ready in the bathroom,
我带来了我们的测试对象 I brought in our test subject...
- 嘿 - 嗨 - Hey. - Hi.
你好呀 我是Nathan 很高兴见到你 How's it going? I'm Nathan. Nice to meet you.
一位八岁的儿童演员 Bradley An eight-year-old child actor named Bradley.
什么玩意儿 What the heck?
- 这堡垒挺酷吧 - 是啊 - Pretty cool fort, huh? - Yeah.
Bradley很喜欢这个箱子 Bradley loved the box.
我帮他进入箱子 And after helping him in
教他如果有紧急情况 and showing him how to alert me
要如何提醒我 in case of an emergency...
你看到了吗 那个灯 You see? That light?
我把他关进了密室里 I sealed him inside the chamber...
确保他自己一个人是不可能出来的 making sure there was no way he could get out on his own
免得玷污了他的纯洁 and ruin his innocence.
即使Bradley的父母 Even though Bradley's parents
完全知道将要发生什么 were fully aware of what was about to happen,
他们仍然坚持要在场观摩测试 they still insisted on being present during the test.
我只想跟你们说清楚 So I just want to be clear with you guys.
Bradley的父母
因为这是一个测试 Because this is a test,
我会让演员们非常投入地做爱 I'm gonna have the performers go at each other pretty hard.
好吧 Okay.
- 好吧 - 解释清楚后 - Okay. - And with that,
我把Jurgen和Marie带到房间 I brought Jurgen and Marie into the room
测试就可以开始了 so we could begin.
- 你们准备好了吗 - 是的 - Are you guys ready? - Yeah.
- 好的 你们准备好就行 - 哦 准备好了 - Okay. Whenever you're ready. - Oh, we're ready.
我好爱你 Marie I love you so much, Marie.
摸我舒服的地方 Jurgen Touch me where I like it, Jurgen.
我让他们用你们的名字是为了更真实 I gave them your names to make it more realistic.
好吧 Okay.
学着点 亲爱的 Watch and learn, hon.
哦 Oh...
你喜欢我求你大屌的样子 Oh, you like it when I beg for that d*ck,
对吗 Jurgen don't you, Jurgen?
啊 Ah!
几分钟之后 After a few minutes,
真正的Jurgen和Marie决定离开房间 the real Jurgen and Marie decided to leave the room.
如果他不舒服
他会不会…
有报警按钮的 好的好的 There's an alert button. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
好的
有事就告诉我
- 没事 我会照看他的 - 好 谢谢 - Okay. I'll take care of him. - Okay. Thanks.
再见啦 See you, guys.
Jurgen和Marie离开后 With Jurgen and Marie gone,
我留下来独自监控剩下的测试 I was left to monitor the rest of the test on my own.
- 哦 - 哦 - Oh! - Oh!
天哪 Jurgen Oh, God, Jurgen!
在我目睹这一对高潮后 Once I observed the couple had climaxed,
我知道那就是最大音量了 I knew it wasn't gonna get any louder,
所以我让他们收了尾 so I had them finish up
让他们穿上舒服的衣服 and brought in something comfortable for them to put on.
在Holly和Tony离开房间之后 And with Holly and Tony out of the room,
就该看看我的箱子是否管用了 it's time to see if my box had worked.
在外太空感觉怎么样呢 So what was it like being in outer space?
- 好玩 - 你听到什么声音了吗 - Fun. - Did you...hear anything?
动物的叫声 Animal noises.
动物的叫声吗 Animal noises?
除此之外没有别的吗 Nothing besides that?
- 没有 - 什么都没有吗 - No. - Nothing?
什么都没有 Nothing.
我的箱子通过了初步测试 My box had passed an initial test.
但是事关孩子的心理健康 But with a child's mental health on the line,
我需要确保即使在极端条件下 I needed to make sure it held up
它也能经得住考验 under even the most extreme circumstances.
所以为了让它接受终极测试 So to put it through the ultimate stress test,
我又安排了另外五名表演者 I arranged for an additional five performers
加入Tony和Holly进行七人群交 to join Tony and Holly for a seven-person orgy.
这些是我的朋友们 So these are some of my friends here.
要打个招呼吗 Just wanna say hi?
- 嗨 - 耶 - Hi. - Yeah.
- 很高兴见到你 - 好的 - Nice to meet you. - Okay.
- 你知道规矩 是吧 - 是的 - You know the drill, right? - Yeah.
发射升空 Blast off.
显然 如果这种情况下箱子仍然管用 It was clear that if my box could withstand this,
那么无论酒店顾客要干什么 it would hold up in any situation
它都能经得住考验 a hotel client might get into.
在30分钟的"小组交流"结束后 So after the 30-minute group session concluded,
我又跟Bradley谈了一下 I followed up one more time with Bradley.
所以 刚刚怎么样 So, uh...how was that?
太棒了 Awesome.
这次你听到了什么奇怪的声音吗 Did you hear anything strange this time?
- 没有 - 什么都没有吗 - No. - Nothing?
什么都没有 Nothing.
成功了 这个盒子完全隔音 It worked. The box was completely soundproof.
这意味着我终于可以 And that meant I could finally
拿着无可辩驳的证据告诉Kenny return to Kenny with undeniable proof
他的顾客可以使用这个产品了 that the product was ready to be offered to his guests.
噢 这个是 Oh, is that--
哇 Wow.
看起来像个宇宙飞船 It looks like a space shuttle.
天哪 Jurgen Oh, God, Jurgen!
你也看到了 So, as you can see,
我们在各种情景下进行了测试 we tested it out in every possible scenario...
- 嗯哼 - 从一对做爱的夫妇 - Mm-hmm. - From a couple making love
到七人群交的情况 to a seven-person group engagement,
有一名儿童全程都在箱子里 and there was a child in there the entire time...
好吧 Okay.
他没有听到任何声音 Who didn't hear anything.
嗯哼 好的 Mm-hmm. Okay.
哇 呃 Wow. Um...
嗯 Mm...
我们打算把那个箱子留在大厅 So I guess we'll leave the box in the lobby,
如果你有更多需求就告诉我 and just let me know if you want to order any more.
呃 Um...
谢谢你的提议 不过 Thank you for the offer, but--
你不必想太多 这是我送给你的礼物 You don't have to worry about it--it's my gift to you.
我们就把它放在大厅 We'll just leave it in the lobby.
呃 好吧 Uh...all right.
那就放在大厅吧 好的 Leave it in the lobby, then. Yeah.
为了制作这个节目 我经常东奔西跑 In making this show, I'm constantly on the road,
从一个地方开车到另一个地方 driving from location to location.
为了充分利用自己的时间 I try to use the time as best I can
我会在车上收听免版税音乐 by catching up on the royalty-free music tracks
挑选可以用在节目上的曲目 I'm thinking of using in my show.
*落日后的炎夏夜晚* *Hot summer nights after the sun went down*
*畅想小镇外的生活* *Dreaming of a life outside my little town*
但南加州的交通状况实在是太糟糕了 But because the traffic is so terrible in Southern California,
我经常堵在路上动弹不得 I often find myself stuck in total gridlock,
导致我去任何地方都要迟到很久 'causing me huge delays to wherever I'm going,
但干我这行 迟到是不允许的 and in my line of work, being late is not an option.
所以我最近想到一个办法 So I recently developed a solution
不管交通多拥挤 我都能按时抵达目的地 that allows me to be on time no matter how bad traffic gets.
我的办法是这样的 Here's how it works.
只要我在开车 Whenever I'm on the road,
我都会安排两名实习生骑摩托车跟着我 I make sure to have two interns follow me on a motorcycle.
然后 一旦遇到拥堵 Then, the second I hit any traffic,
我就在窗外给他们示意 I give them a signal out my window
让他们到车旁边来 to approach the side of the car.
在这里我们就会交换位置 This is where a switch occurs,
一名无薪实习生去开我的车 as my unpaid intern takes my spot in the car
而我则迅速坐上摩托车后座 while I quickly mount the back of the motorcycle.
因为在加州钻车缝是合法的 And because it's legal to split lanes in California,
我得以快速穿过拥挤路段 I'm able to speed through the gridlock
及时赶到了我要去的地方 and get to where I'm going without any delay whatsoever,
留下我的无薪实习生继续在路上堵着 leaving my unpaid intern to wait in traffic
并最终帮我把车开到终点 and eventually deliver my car to my destination.
但是在使用这个方法后 But the more I use the system,
我开始发现其他人 the more I notice that others around me
都很嫉妒我不必堵在路上 looked envious of my ability to avoid traffic,
就在这时我意识到 and that's when I realized
我可能无意中发现了 I might've accidentally stumbled onto
一个巨大商机 a major business opportunity.
如果我能指派上百个摩托车手 If I could arrange for hundreds of motorcyclists
在城市的各个角落待命 throughout the city to be on-call
收到通知就去接被堵在路上的司机 to fetch gridlocked drivers at a moment's notice,
我就能帮助所有人远离交通拥挤 I'd be able to help everyone avoid traffic,
同时我这个堵塞救援的点子将火遍全国 and my gridlock rescue concept could become a national hit.
但是这需要一些筹备工作 But to do this would take some work,
我们待会再来详细讨论 so we'll check back with this in a bit.
先看这边 But first...
Rose Ilandrian是一名旅行社代理商 Rose Ilandrian is a travel agent
经营着加州格伦代尔市的罗斯旅行社 and the owner of Glendale, California's Travelure By Rose.
但现在是互联网时代 But in this internet age,
她眼看着自己长期积累的资源 she's seen her longstanding business
受到了现代科技的阻扰 crippled by modern technology.
突然之间 网络出现了 All of a sudden, internet came
罗斯旅行社社长
所有人都直接上网寻找服务 and everybody's--they're going directly to the internet.
因此 她的顾客开始减少 And because of this, her customers have dwindled
少到只剩跟不上信息时代的人 to the last holdouts of the information age--
也就是风烛残年的老人们 the oldest of the old.
于是我带着一个绝佳方案拜访了Rose So I paid Rose a visit with a really good solution.
想想看 Rose的顾客很快就会老得不行 You see, pretty soon, Rose's customers will be so old
他们唯一想要计划的旅游方案 that the only travel they'll be interested in planning
就是踏入坟墓 is their trip into the ground.
哦 不 Oh, no!
如果Rose好好利用庞大的老年顾客群 So if Rose were to capitalize on her giant rolodex of elders
帮助他们预定葬礼服务 by helping them book their funerals,
她将从棺材销售和墓地规划中 she'd open up a whole new stream of revenue
获取一条全新的收益链 from coffin sales and grave plots.
计划是让Rose的旅行社转型 The plan, for Rose to transition her travel agency
计划:
将罗斯旅行社 转型成殡仪馆
变成提供全套服务的殡仪馆 into a full-service funeral home.
你到底在说什么 What are you talking?
你自己都承认这门生意快做不下去了 I mean, even you acknowledged the business is gonna die.
- 是的 - 旅行社坚持不了太久 - Yes. - Travel agents aren't gonna be around much longer.
是我的看法 My opinion.
- 你的看法 - 是的 - Your opinion? - Yes.
所以这算是孤注一掷 So this is a last-ditch effort
帮你从现在的顾客身上榨取更多的钱 to squeeze out as much as you can from your customers
趁着他们还没入土为安 before they're gone for good.
嗯 Hmm.
Rose似乎很看好这个点子 Rose seemed interested in the prospect
希望能从这些将死的顾客身上挣点钱 of making money from her dying customers.
但是由于我们都不知道 But since neither of us knew
该如何经营殡仪馆 how the funeral business actually operated,
我预约了附近一家 I booked us an appointment
生意很好的殡仪馆 at one of the area's most popular funeral homes.
瑞东 西米谷市殡仪馆
我不想让他们发现我们是新来的竞争对手 Not wanting to tip off that we were a new competitor
想要打听商业机密 looking for trade secrets,
我便说服Rose假扮我快要去世的妻子 I convinced Rose to pose as my dying wife
装作要在她归西之前安排好葬礼仪式 whose funeral we were looking to plan before she bites the dust.
好了 在人家面前你打算怎么演 Okay. Show me how you're gonna act in there.
你想要什么效果 像这样 What do you want? I mean, like this...
没错 看起来像真的病了 Yeah. That's realistic kind of sick.
就像是要死了 好的 很棒 It's almost dead--okay. Good.
- 但我其实很健康 - 嗯 你现实生活中很健康 - But I'm a very strong lady. - Yeah, you're strong in real life,
但为了计划 你要假装生病 but for this, you're pretending to be sick.
好吧 Okay.
于是我们前去会面 So we headed into our meeting
和丧葬承办人Breanna Gallagher谈谈 with funeral director Breanna Gallagher
试图深入了解他们的商业运转模式 to find out everything we could about their business model.
很遗憾 我的妻子 Rose Sadly, uh, my wife, Rose,
患上了克莱因式病 已经时日不多了 has come down with Klein's and she's on her way out,
所以我们打算提前安排后事 so we're trying to make arrangements for the day.
- 好的 - 所以你这儿有哪些项目 - Sure. - So whatever, you know, options you have
我们想过目一下所有服务内容 and can run through kind of everything you offer,
这样能有助于我们做决定 that would be really helpful for us to make our decision.
当然 Absolutely.
丧葬承办人相信了我们的故事 With the funeral director buying our story,
她向我介绍了所有的产品和服务 she walked me through all their products and services,
我确保记下了所有的信息 and I was sure to take note of everything.
我能问一下 你们的供应商是谁吗 And can I ask, uh, who your distributor is for these?
奥罗拉 我们用的是奥罗拉的棺材 Aurora. We use Aurora caskets.
- 奥罗拉 - 是的 - Aurora? - Yes.
帮助Rose窃取信息的计划进展顺利 My plan was working to get Rose the information she needed,
但我很惊讶地了解到 but I was surprised to learn
土葬已经逐渐变得不再流行了 that the business was trending away from caskets altogether.
现在火化的需求越来越多 Cremation is on the rise right now.
显然 如果Rose想要有竞争力 It was clear that if Rose wanted to compete,
她必须能向顾客提供火化服务 she'd need to be able to offer cremation to her customers.
但当我上网查过之后 But when I looked online,
我发现火化炉贵得离谱 I discovered that cremation furnaces were ridiculously expensive,
她买得起的炉子好像就只有 and the only ovens that seemed to be in her price range
做披萨的炉子 were ones that cooked pizzas.
但是在向Rose提议之前 But before suggesting this to Rose,
我需要确保它可以用来焚化尸体 I needed to be sure it could incinerate a body.
所以我联系了当地一家披萨店 So I contacted a local pizzeria
询问能否用他们的炉子做一个测试 and asked if I could do a test in one of their ovens.
当然 我不可能用真的尸体 Obviously, I couldn't use a real cadaver,
所以我用面团凑合做了一具尸体 so I structured a makeshift body out of dough
塞了点猪骨头 and filled the insides with pork bones
和一些乱七八糟的东西 and whatever stuff I could
让这具假尸的构造更接近真实人体 to make the anatomy as close to human as possible.
做好之后 我们把它包起来 And once it was done, we wrapped it up
运到了伯班克披萨店 and headed over to Burbank Pizzeria
试验他们的炉子能否把它烧成灰 to see if their oven would burn it to a crisp.
你们说的是只需要烤一个披萨饺 I was told it was just a calzone you were gonna cook.
我不知道它原来这么复杂 I wasn't sure that this was gonna be this big of a deal
还有衣服 布料 皮带 和头发 with clothing and cloth and leather and hair
这些东西 所以 and stuff like that, so...
好的 那我们把它衣服脱了就可以了吗 Okay, but if we take off the clothing, then it's okay?
如果你要烤披萨的话就最好脱掉 I think it would be best if you want to cook it.
简短的交涉过后 After a brief negotiation,
George同意让我继续试验 George allowed me to continue
只要尸体是全裸的就行 as long as we put him in naked.
在脱下所有衣物之后 So once all the clothes were removed,
George和我小心翼翼地把尸体 George and I delicately loaded the body
放进650度的火炉里 into the 650-degree oven,
接下来要做的就是等待 and then all there was left to do was wait.
你 呃 你结婚了吗 Are you, uh, are you married?
结了 Yup.
- 恭喜你 - 谢谢 - Congratulations. - Thank you.
你结婚了吗 Are you married?
没 没有 No. No.
我去喝点水 I'm gonna get me some water.
一个半小时之后 George需要开门营业了 After an hour and a half, George had to open up his shop.
所以他让我把还没烧焦的尸体拿了出来 So he made me take out the body before it was fully burnt,
不过他似乎对这个方法挺有信心 but he seemed confident that this would work.
再烤几个小时 是不是就能化成灰 A few more hours, would it all just burn to a crisp?
- 对 - 真正的尸体也可以吗 - Yup. - Would that work the same for a human body too?
这个温度下 任何东西最终都会烤成灰 Well, anything in that heat eventually will burn, yeah.
我的科学实验成功了 With the success of my scientific experiment,
确保了Rose能够 I now knew that Rose would be able
罗斯旅途 度假游 观光游 丧葬
丧葬
以低廉的价格提供火化服务 to offer cremations on a budget.
我便在她的等候室贴了宣传材料 So I dressed up her waiting area with marketing materials
目的地是葬礼？
在这里规划你的最终旅程
让客户了解她所提供的新型服务 that would showcase all the new services that were available.
我们还提供丧葬服务!
接下来 就要看Rose能不能 And with that, it was time to see if Rose
说服顾客来罗斯旅行社办理丧葬仪式 could convince customers to plan their funerals with Travelure.
我想再去一趟内华达州的拉斯维加斯 I'd like to go again to Las Vegas, Nevada.
在处理完顾客的旅行需求之后 After handling the customer's travel needs,
我让Rose顺带提了一下她的新服务 I then had Rose bring up the new service.
不好意思 但我们还提供丧葬服务 And we sell, sorry I'm telling you this one, funeral packages.
哦 这样 好的 嗯 Oh, yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah.
如果你已经准备好了 或者有所打算 If you are ready or you have the plans...
我们这儿提供各种各样的服务 like, we prepare all these packages.
呃 可是我在这方面还没有什么打算 Um... I don't have plans in that area right now, though,
但是 谢谢你告诉我 but yeah. It's good to know,
- 嗯 以防万一 - 是的 - Yeah I need to know just in case. - Yes.
你要是有这方面的需求 随时联系我 Whenever you need that, just let me know.
嗯 好的好的 一定 Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Sure.
一定 Sure.
很可惜 顾客对此不感兴趣 But unfortunately, the customer wasn't interested.
那之后 Rose开始犹豫 And after that, Rose started having second thoughts.
我推销东西必须得发自内心 It has to come from my heart.
我必须做自己喜欢的事 I have to like what I'm doing.
所以这不太适合你吗 So it's not quite for you?
可以是可以 但就是说 I can do it, but, again,
我不是真心想做这个 it's not from my heart.
挺奇怪的 这两天总是聊葬礼之类的 You know, it's funny. All this talk about funerals and stuff
我开始认真思考自己人生的短暂 has really gotten me thinking a lot about my own mortality,
- 你明白吗 - 明白 - You know what I mean? - Yes.
我突然醒悟了 说到底 It makes you realize that at the end of the day,
重要的不是你赚了多少钱 it's not about how much money you make or...
睡到了多少姑娘 how many girls you've slept with.
而是那些美好的小瞬间 It's about the little moments that are nice.
- 是的 - 就像现在这样 - Very nice. - Like this.
是的 这个瞬间很美好 Yeah. This is one. This moment is very good.
祝你一切顺利 Rose Good luck with everything, Rose.
谢谢 你也是 Nathan 谢谢 Thank you, too, Nathan. Thank you.
谢谢 Thank you.
- 好 拜拜 - 拜拜 - Yeah. Bye. - Bye-bye.
再见 Good-bye.
之前 我想出了一个办法 Earlier, you saw me come up with an idea
可以解救困于堵塞中的人们 to rescue people from gridlock.
但要想让它成为真正的服务产品 But to see if this would work as an actual service,
我得先招聘一些摩托车骑手 I'd first need to recruit motorcyclists
而且他们要愿意帮忙开车 that were interested in being riders.
摩托车手喜欢成群结队地出没 Knowing that bikers have a pack mentality,
如果想最大程度地吸引他们的注意 I thought I'd have the best chance of gaining their interest
我就得假装融入他们的群体 if they thought I was one of them.
于是我来到附近的摩托车手酒吧 So I headed to a local biker bar
打算招聘一起骑行的情侣骑手 with the goal of recruiting couples who ride together
来加入我的计划 to take part in my service.
我先花了一些时间试图融入他们 And after spending some time doing my best to blend in...
呃 我的人生 Ugh. My life.
我遇到了一对情侣骑手 Sean和Laura I met a biker couple named Sean and Laura
他们好像对我的计划挺感兴趣 who seemed interested in my idea.
我在发展一个新的商机 I'm working on a business opportunity,
想找一些会骑摩托车的情侣 and I'm looking for couples that know how to ride.
于是第二天 我把他们请来了办公室 So the next day, I brought them into my office
看看他们是否适合这项工作 to see if they'd be right for the job.
要想启动这项计划 To launch this, you know,
我需要关系稳定的情侣 因为 I'm looking for strong couples because, you know,
如果我雇用了你们 结果你们分手了 if I hire you guys and you break up,
- 你们对我来说就没什么用了 - 嗯 - you're kind of useless to me. - Right.
所以我想问一下 So I should ask.
你们的感情生活有任何问题吗 Are there any issues in the relationship at all?
我觉得我们的关系蛮坚挺的 I think we're pretty solid.
我没有 I mean, I'm not--
我没打算和其他人在一起 所以 I'm not looking to go see anybody else, so...
好的 假如我雇用了你们 Okay. If I hire you,
然后万一 你们真的分手了 and God forbid, you guys do break up,
你们大概要多久 how quickly do you think
才能找到一个新的对象 you'd be able to get into a new relationship?
这个嘛 这个 呃 That's a...That's...ah
这个我没法回答 I wouldn't be able to answer that.
有时候得好几年 Sometimes it's been years.
有时候就是第二天 你懂吧 Sometimes it's been the next day, you know? It's...
- 第二天 - 我确实有过 一天之内 - The next day? - I have done it in a day.
我还在一天之内谈过两个 I've done two in a day.
什么意思 What does that mean?
- 呃 - 是啊 几个意思 - Um... - Yeah. What does that mean?
我一天之内和两个女人"玩"得很开心 I had too much fun in one day with two different women.
三人行吗 Like, a threesome?
不是 分开的 No. It was separate.
在同一天 同一场派对上 In the same--same day, at the same party,
但不是同时 but no, not together.
你先和一个女人上床 马上又和另一个上床吗 So you had sex with one woman, then another right after?
- 差不多吧 - 好的 - Pretty much. - Okay.
所以如果你们的关系走到尽头 So if this relationship ends,
你很快就能找到下一个对象 you'll find someone pretty quick.
- 算是吧 - 好 你们俩挺不错的 - Sure. - Okay. I mean, you guys seem great.
Laura和Sean加入了计划 With Laura and Sean on board,
这下 我离实现 I was one step closer
交通堵塞营救计划又近了一步 to my gridlock rescue service becoming a reality.
但是在项目启动之前 But before launching this,
我得看看有没有感兴趣的上班族 I needed to see if there was interest from actual commuters.
我派Sean和Laura去高峰期的车流里 So I sent Sean and Laura out into rush hour traffic
看看广大民众是否会接受我的计划 to see if the public would embrace my idea.
把车窗摇下来 Roll down your window.
你今天过得还好吧 How you doing today?
你们好…
我们现在有一项服务 We're offering a service.
我女朋友愿意帮忙 My girlfriend would be more than happy
把你的车子开到目的地 to drive your car to wherever you're going.
你坐上我们的摩托车 You can get on the back of the bike,
很快就能到达你的目的地 and we'll get you there a whole lot quicker.
哦，不用了…谢谢
好的 All right.
我很震惊 大家对这个计划并不感兴趣 I was surprised that people weren't receptive to my idea.
告诉我你想去哪儿 我们送你过去 Just tell me where you want to go. We'll take you.
我知道你不愿意 I-I know you don't want to do it,
但我和你说话的时候麻烦放尊重点 but please don't disrespect me while I'm talking to you.
上车吧 Hop on the bike!
我他妈的要报警了
赶紧走
你这是在骚扰我，好吗？
好吧 All right.
那一刻 我第一次 And in that moment, for the first time,
意识到这个点子的致命缺陷 I finally realized the fatal flaw in my concept.
在如今的战后时代 In this post-Pearl Harbor world,
人们不再像从前那样信任自己的同胞 people don't trust their fellow man the way they once did.
大家都非常害怕未知的事物 People are just so scared and afraid of the unknown
思维一旦被封闭 once they shut their mind off,
就很难再打开了 it's really hard to open it up.
没错 Exactly.
这个革命性的计划 It was a sad conclusion
最终却以悲剧收场 to what I thought was a revolutionary idea.
但至少我们可以庆祝 But at least we could celebrate
我们的团队尽了最大的努力 that we gave it our all as a team.
你们今晚打算干嘛 What are you guys doing later tonight?
我要带她出去吃点东西 Well, I'm taking her out to get something to eat.
哦 你们打算去哪儿 Oh. Where are you guys gonna go?
还没想好 可能去吃海鲜吧 I don't know yet. Maybe fish.
- 什么海鲜 - 螃蟹 - Fish? - Crab.
哦 听起来不错 Oh. Sounds good.
你们希望我也加入你们吗 Would you like to-- me to come too?
我们可以 We could all have a--
不了 我们两个人挺好的 No. I think we're good.
好的 就你们两个 过二人世界吗 Okay. You guys-- it's like just for you guys?
是 我带着我女朋友出去约会 Yeah. Well. I'm taking my lady out.
- 好的 - 真的不需要其他人陪同 - Okay. - I...don't really need any company with me.
好的 没关系 Okay. Sure. I mean,
我也不想当电灯泡嘛 I wouldn't want to be a third wheel, you know?
你要来的话就是电灯泡了 所以 That's what it would be, so...
- 哦 好的 - 嗯 - Oh, okay. - Yeah.
与你们合作很愉快 Well, it's great working with you guys.
- 彼此彼此 - 嗯 - Nice working with you, too. - Yes.
最终 Sean和Laura In the end, Sean and Laura
和其他人也没什么两样 weren't that different from everyone else--
他们也害怕让别人进入他们的世界 too afraid of the unknown to let a stranger inside.
但是 兄弟 我跟你讲 But, brother, I'll tell you one thing.
我宁愿信任别人 也不愿意迟到 I'd rather be trusting than late.
*落日后的炎夏夜晚* *Hot summer nights after the sun went down*
*畅想小镇外的生活* *Dreaming of a life outside my little town*
公路忧郁症 Highway blues.
- 那可真遗憾 - 没事 - I'm sorry to hear that. - It's okay.
- 大家都经历过 - 哦 是啊 - We've all been there. - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
四处漂泊的孤独人生 Life alone on the road.
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