翻译: 柯希莫的枷锁 比比鸟 丸之内
校对: Denniswho
我叫Nathan Fielder My name is Nathan Fielder,
后期: pendz
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一 and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
学业成绩单
并且成绩优异 with really good grades.
如今 我运用我的学识 Now I'm using my knowledge
压制: 肉包
来帮助挣扎求生的小企业主 to help struggling small-business owners
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功 make it in this competitive world.
总监: pendz
这 This...
救援 高手
电波诚译
第三季 第七集
就是救援高手 is "Nathan For You."
对大部分女性来说 For most women,
指甲是她们向他人表达最喜欢的颜色的主要方式 nails are the main way they can express to others what color they like the most,
因此 在加州阿尔塔迪纳镇 which is why, in the town of Altadena, California,
几乎每个角落都有美甲沙龙 there's a nail salon on nearly every corner,
而这场竞赛让转角美甲沙龙的老板Kim Han and this competition has left Kim Han, owner of Corner Beauty Nails,
不顾一切地想要脱颖而出 desperate to stand out.
我一直努力做有特色的美甲沙龙 I always try to be different from other nail salon
转角美甲沙龙老板
希望能让顾客们满意 to make my customer happy.
由于我对美甲体验不熟悉 Because I'm unfamiliar with the nail-salon experience,
我决定扮作一个优雅的女人 I decided to visit Corner Beauty
去转角美甲沙龙修指甲 undercover as a gorgeous woman looking to get a manicure.
你可能以为我会穿裙子和戴长发 You may have expected me to wear a dress or long hair,
但我认为现代女性可以随心所欲地呈现自己 but I believe a modern woman can present herself however she likes,
一进门 我就能感受到沙龙里的女性体验 And once inside, I was able to get a sense of the female experience at the salon.
- 噢 这真华丽 - 是啊 - Oh, this one's gorgeous. - Yes.
- 那真好看 - 是啊 - That's lovely. - Yes.
在那里待了20分钟后 After 20 minutes of being there,
我没发现他们的产品或服务有任何问题 I hadn't seen any issues with their offerings or services.
但随后 当我从手提包里找车钥匙时 But after, while digging through my purse to find my car keys,
我发现我的美甲彻底毁掉了 I discovered that I completely ruined my nail job.
那周晚些时候 我和Kim见面时 And later that week, when I finally met Kim,
她同意这对她的生意来说是一个问题 she agreed that it was a problem for her business.
他们丢了东西 They lose something.
他们找钥匙 或者撞到了门 They looking for the key, or they hit the door.
指甲没干的时候任何事都可能发生 Anything can happen when the nail wet.
然后你就得修复它 And then you have to fix it.
我必须免费修复指甲 I have to fix it for free.
但假如转角美甲提供免费代客泊车服务 But customers would never have to dig for their keys and ruin their nails again
计划:
顾客就不会因为找钥匙而毁掉美甲了 if Corner Beauty offered a free valet.
免费代客泊车
我不知道这是不是个好主意 我不知道 I don't know. Good idea or not. I don't know.
我知道在这方面我有点像离水之鱼 I mean, I know I'm a bit of a fish out of water when it comes to this stuff
因为我不是女人 because I'm not a woman.
嗯哼 Mm-hmm.
但你要知道我从小就是女权主义者 But you should know I was raised a feminist,
我的性格中有非常女性化的部分 and I have a very strong female side to me.
所以 虽然我外表看起来非常阳刚粗犷 So, even though on the outside I appear masculine and rugged,
但内在 我感觉我能和你们感同身受 on the inside, you know, I feel like I can relate to you.
真好 那太好了 Good. That's good.
Kim喜欢我的代客泊车主意 但为了节省员工开支 Kim liked my valet idea, but to save on staffing costs,
她建议我利用她现在的雇员 she suggested I use her current employees
在没有接待顾客的空余时间来做 when they had downtime in between clients.
于是 在她向雇员们说明白后 So, after she pitched it to her staff
他们似乎也很感兴趣 and they seemed interested,
我把他们带到后门 让他们为这项工作做好准备 I brought them out back to prep them for the job.
那么 这里有谁之前做过代客泊车 So, who here has operated a valet stand before?
好吧 没问题 Okay, no problem.
这很简单 It's really easy.
代客泊车的第一条规则是 First rule of valet is,
你得知道怎么抓住钥匙 you got to know how to catch keys,
因为人们要去停车 'cause people are gonna park their car,
他们会把钥匙扔给你 and they're gonna throw their keys at you.
而你永远不会知道它们什么时候会出现 And you never know when they're gonna come.
很好 Good.
和员工们训练了各种抓钥匙的方法后 After practicing a variety of key-catching methods with the staff...
如果比较容易接 接的人要喊一声 好吗 If it's a pop fly, one person's got to call it, okay?
我的 Mine.
在接住之前 在它落下前喊 对 Call it before it-- before it lands, yeah.
我觉得他们现在已经掌握代客泊车所需的技能了 I felt like they now had all the skills they needed to run a valet.
太棒了 Yeah.
- 你们知道吉他吗 - 知道 - You know, guitar? - Yes.
- 你们弹吉他吗 - 不 我们不弹 - You guys play? - No, no, we don't.
不 我也不弹 No. Yeah, I don't either.
随着训练结束 我们准备好开始了 With the training complete, we were ready to get started.
第二天 我们设立了代客泊车点并给员工穿好工作服 So, the next day, after setting up our valet stand and outfitting the staff,
免费代客泊车
是时候向顾客提供我们的新服务了 it was time to offer our new service to customers.
嘿 欢迎光临 Hey, welcome.
我们今天提供免费泊车服务 So we're offering free valet today.
就是 你做完美甲后 So, after you're done, you know,
不再需要翻遍你的钱包 you don't have to be going through your purse
为了找钥匙而毁掉美甲 and ruining your nails trying to find your keys.
- 噢 那太棒了 - 是啊 - Oh, that's great. - Yeah.
顾客们看起来很喜欢这个主意 The customers seemed to love the idea,
但当我让Tina来泊车时 我感觉到顾客的迟疑 but I sensed some hesitation when I presented Tina as the valet driver.
呃 好吧 谁都行 Um, well, whomever.
通常谁来做这事 Who usually does it?
- 他们是泊车员 - 好吧 那让他们停吧 - They're the valet. - Okay, then let them park.
刚开始 我还以为人们之所以惊讶 At first, I just figured it was people's surprise
是因为看到美甲技师做代客泊车 at seeing a valet run by nail technicians.
为什么是她代我停车 Why would she be parking my car?
- 她是泊车司机 - 噢 好吧 - She's doing the valet. - Oh, okay.
- 是的 - 好吧 - Yeah. - Okay.
但随后我意识到事情不是那么简单 But then I realized it might be something more.
- 你有驾驶证吗 - 有啊 - You have a driver's license? - Yes.
是的 她是个 她是个优秀的司机 Yeah, she's a-- she's a good driver.
- 她有驾驶证 - 好吧 行 谢谢 - She has a license. - Okay. All right, thank you.
随后 我与Tina谈了一下 她似乎也同意 And later, when I talked to Tina, she seemed to agree.
也许他们认为我不知道怎么开车吧？
他们那样认为吗 They think that?
可能吧 我不知道
这时我意识到令人不安的真相 That's when I realized the disturbing truth.
这些顾客似乎持有一种常见但错误的刻板印象 These customers seemed to be influenced by a common but misguided stereotype
认为亚洲人都不会开车 that Asians are bad drivers.
要让这项泊车业务有效运行 If this valet was going to work,
显然我得做点什么 it became clear I would have to do something
来改变这些顾客长期以来的观念 to change these customer's long-held beliefs.
亚裔女性特技车手
于是我上网找到了一位亚裔特技车手 Verena Mei So I went online and found an Asian stunt driver named Verena Mei,
她能做一些令人大开眼界的车技动作 who could do some pretty impressive stuff with a car,
我觉得如果她能暂时加入我们的泊车服务 and I felt that if she could stand in as one of our valets,
顾客最终会明白亚洲人开车也可以很厉害 customers would finally see the truth about what Asians can do behind the wheel.
我在和一个美甲沙龙合作 不幸的是 So I'm working with a nail salon whose customers are, unfortunately,
这里的顾客对亚洲司机的看法有点落后于时代 a bit behind the times when it comes to their thoughts about Asian drivers.
- 好的 懂了 - 你知道我在说什么吗 - Okay, got it. - You know what I mean?
我懂了 就是那些刻板印象 I got it-- all the stereotypical stuff.
你肯定听过各种说法了 You've heard all that, I'm sure.
- 当然了 - 是啊 - Absolutely. Yeah. - Yeah.
我觉得如果他们发现有人不但车技优秀 So I figure if they saw someone who wasn't only a good driver,
还是世界顶级车手 but the best in the world,
这能迫使他们永久改变对亚洲司机的看法 they'd be forced to permanently change their ideas about Asian drivers.
好的 Okay.
你觉得你可以来帮忙吗 Do you think you could help do this?
没问题 我很乐意 Absolutely. I would love to do it.
唯一的问题是沙龙里的员工 The only thing is the staff at the salon,
他们都有很重的亚洲口音 they all have very thick Asian accents.
好的 Okay.
但我发现你没有 And I noticed you don't,
我不希望有顾客发现 and I don't want any of the customers there thinking,
你是外援 你懂吗 you know, you're a plant, you know?
- 嗯 - 那么你能说话带点口音吗 - Yeah. - So would you be able to maybe put on an accent?
- 亚洲口音吗 呃 - 还有 - Asian accent? Um... - And then--
我会试试看 但我不太想用典型的亚洲口音 但是 I could try, but I don't really want to be, like, a stereotypical one, but...
举例来说 你希望我说什么 For example, what do you want me to say?
- 你想让我展示给你听吗 - 是的 - You want me to show you? - Yeah.
我的意思是 I mean...
这样做我不是很自在 I'm not totally comfortable doing that.
如果我这样做 并不冒犯吧 That's not offensive if I do it, is it?
应该不会吧 但是 I don't think so, but...
好吧 我的目标是抵制刻板印象 Okay, I mean, I'm trying to counteract stereotypes.
我最不想做的就是搞种族歧视 The last thing I want to be is--do something racist.
没错 Yeah.
我只是想确定 I just wanted to make sure that--
我只是向你展示这种口音 I'm just showing you the voice,
但我不是说我一定是对的 but I'm not, like, saying I'm necessarily right.
这只是我个人的印象 It's just my idea...
也许吧 但我不是 maybe, but I'm not--
我不想冒犯谁或做什么 Like, I don't want to offend or do anything...
没错 Yeah.
好吧 我不是很擅长这个 但是 Okay, I'm not the best at this, but--
没事 It's okay.
也许就像是 Maybe something like...
"噢 你需要我帮你泊车吗" "Oh, would you like me to park your car?"
这是不是 Is that...
听起来像亚洲口音或者 Sound Asian or...?
听起来有点像 It sounds a little Asian.
- 是啊是啊 - 是的 - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.
随着Verena的加入 With Verena on board,
第二天 我们回到沙龙 the next day, we returned to the salon,
我确保她打扮得和普通员工一模一样 and I made sure to dress her to look identical to the regular staff.
当第一个顾客到来 看她泊车的时候 When the first customer arrived and saw her valet,
我知道她可能会紧张 I knew she was probably nervous,
但我希望当她做完美甲后 but my hope was that once she had finished up with her manicure,
Verena能向她展示清楚亚洲司机的真相 Verena would be able to show her once and for all the truth about Asian drivers.
你是做什么工作的 So what do you do for a living?
我在布鲁明黛百货工作 I work at Bloomingdale's.
好的 哇 Oh, okay. Wow.
现在正值舞会季 我卖了很多裙子 And this is prom season, so I'm selling lots of dresses.
当然 Oh, wow. Yeah, I bet.
有许多女孩会去舞会 Lots of girls going to prom.
是啊 Yes.
得去舞会啊 Got to go to prom.
是的 Yep.
以为他们不会开车吧 Thought they couldn't drive, huh?
是啊 Yeah.
可以看出她一直以来的偏见 Right away I could see a lifetime of prejudice
在她的脑海中瞬间瓦解 melting out of her brain.
随着越来越多的转角美甲常客看见Verena开车 And as more and more Corner Beauty Spa regulars saw Verena in action
可以看出她们不会再犹豫 I could tell they would never be hesitant
接受亚洲人当的侍者 to use a valet run by Asians again.
你的车吗 Your car?
因此 我可以自信地和Kim说 So, with that, I could now return to Kim confident that
我防止女人弄坏指甲的方法很奏效 my solution to prevent women from chipping their nails would work.
这个方法不错吧 Worked pretty well, right?
我得说 你做得不错 I have to say, you do a good job.
我敢肯定你没想到 作为一个男人 And I bet you didn't think, as a man,
我可以想出对女人而言如此有用的方法 I could've come up with something that would work so well for women.
也许你能和女性感同身受 Maybe you feel how the women feel.
而且我知道女人想要什么 And I know what women want.
是的 Yeah. I think so.
谢谢你的鼓励之词 Thank you for those words of encouragement.
嗯 Yeah.
- 谢谢 - 谢谢 - Thank you. - Well, thank you.
- 非常感谢 - 不客气 - Thank you so much. - Oh, you're welcome.
很高兴同你工作 Very nice-- happy to work with you,
祝你生意兴隆 and good luck with your business.
- 好的 - 再见 - Okay. - Okay, bye.
- 再见 - 再见 - Bye-bye. - Bye.
做这个节目 我得到过很多反馈 You know, making this show, I get a lot of feedback,
其中似乎有许多观众对我有误解 and one of the most common misconceptions viewers seem to have about me
认为我是个从来不笑 is that I'm a guy who never smiles
也不知道如何享乐的人 and doesn't know how to have fun.
这让我很烦恼 And that really bugs me
因为这离事实差得远了 because it couldn't be further from the truth.
生活中 我其实很有趣 很轻松 In reality, I'm actually very fun, relaxed,
而且很随和 and easy-going.
显然 我可能只是随口一说而已 Now, obviously, I could just be saying that to you,
所以 今晚我会证明自己 so tonight I'm going to prove it.
怎样证明呢 How?
我会与一个完全不认识的人共度一天 By spending the entire day with a complete stranger
在我们玩的过程中测量他的多巴胺值 and measuring his dopamine levels during our hangout,
将其和基准值比较 以此来科学地证明 comparing them against a baseline to prove scientifically
他跟我玩得很尽兴 that he did have fun hanging out with me.
首先 我登上Craigslist网 To start things off, I went on Craigslist
在"严格柏拉图式"版块中找了一圈 and searched through the listings in the "strictly platonic" section
寻找一位愿意和我共度时光的陌生人 in order to track down a stranger who'd be willing to spend time with me.
然后 我给一些寻找玩伴的发帖者发了邮件 I then sent emails to a handful of posters looking to hang out.
第二天 过滤了一堆不得体的回复之后 And the next day, after fielding a number of inappropriate responses,
我收到了一封不错的邮件 发件人为Brendan I got a nice email from a man named Brendan,
他最近才搬到洛杉矶 who had recently relocated to Los Angeles
看起来很想要交新朋友 and seemed eager to make new friends.
我们计划那周晚些时候一起出来玩 So we made plans to hang out later that week.
但因为这是要向电视观众证明 But since this was all about proving to you at home
我的确很有趣 that I am indeed fun,
我需要获得不可辩驳的证据 I would need to get evidence that cannot be refuted.
于是我拜访了Whimsy Anderson医生 So I paid a visit to Dr. Whimsy Anderson,
一位神经递质测量专家 a specialist in neurotransmitter testing,
让她来建议如何科学地证明一个人是有趣的 to advise me on how to scientifically prove a person is fun.
自然疗法医生
当一个人玩得开心时 When someone's having fun,
他的血清素可能会增多 you might see an elevation in serotonin,
多巴胺会增多 an elevation in dopamine,
或者 血清素和多巴胺都会增多 or an elevation of both serotonin and dopamine both
所以 如果他们和我一起玩的时候 So, if their serotonin or dopamine levels go up
血清素或多巴胺值上升 when they're hanging out with me,
就意味着我是个有趣的人吗 that would mean that I'm fun?
对他们来说 是的 For them, yes.
Whimsy医生说 要得到准确的结果 Dr. Whimsy said, to get accurate results,
我得采集两份检测对象的尿液或血液样本 I'd need to obtain two samples of either urine or blood from the person
一份在我们玩之前采集 作为基准值 one before our hangout began to act as a baseline,
第二份在活动结束之后采集 and a second at the end of doing several activities together.
但如果他知道测试的内容 But knowing it would skew the results
这将会影响结果的准确度 if he was aware of what was being tested,
我必须在Brendan不知情的情况下采集他的尿液 I would have to obtain Brendan's urine without his knowledge.
于是 在他来我的办公室之前 So, prior to his arrival at my office,
我在等候区准备了很多诱人的饮料 I set up a tempting selection of beverages in the waiting area.
请慢用
然后 在卫生间里 Then, in the bathroom,
我在马桶上放了个"故障中"的告示 I put an "out of order" sign on the toilet
然后在小便池的垫子下安了个塑料袋 and attached a clear plastic bag to the urinal mat,
做成蓄水袋来偷偷收集 creating a reservoir that would discreetly collect
流向下水道的液体 any liquid stream on its way down the drain.
一切准备妥当 我坐在外面的面包车里 With everything set and me positioned in a van outside,
随后 我看见Brendan到了 I watched as, moments later, Brendan arrived.
为争取更多时间 To buy as much time as possible,
我给他发了条短信说会迟到 I sent him a text, telling him I was running late
让他在客厅等 and to wait for me in the lobby.
几分钟后 After only a few minutes,
他开始选择饮料 he began browsing the selection of drinks
最终选了胡椒博士 and eventually settled on a Dr. Pepper.
半小时后 Then a half hour later,
我等待的瞬间终于来了 the moment I'd been waiting for finally came,
Bredan起身向厕所走去 as Brendan got up and headed towards the bathroom,
希望他会排出用作基准值的尿液样本 hopefully to deposit what would be our baseline urine sample.
当他上完厕所 So, once he was done,
我也该进去介绍自己了 it was time to head in to introduce myself.
- 你是Brendan吗 - 是的 - Brendan? - Yeah.
- 我是Nathan - 我是Brendan 你好 - Hey, Nathan. - Yeah, Brendan. How you doing?
- 很高兴见到你 - 很高兴见到你 - Hey, nice to meet you. - Good to meet you. Yeah.
我去一下洗手间 I'm just gonna go to the bathroom,
- 然后我们就出去 怎么样 - 好 没问题 - then we can head out, okay? - Yeah, yeah. No problem. Yeah.
我假装也要去洗手间 I pretended that I had to go to the bathroom too,
但实际上 我是去趁样品还新鲜时 but in reality, it was just so I could transfer the sample
把它从秘密的尿液收集处转到样品杯中 from the secret urinal chamber into the specimen cup while it was still fresh.
同时 我的一名制片助理 Meanwhile, one of my production assistants
告诉Brendan我们今天的行程会被拍摄 informed Brendan that our day was going to be filmed
制作有关Craigslist网站社交会友的纪录片 for a documentary about Craigslist hangouts,
Brendan似乎非常乐意参与项目 and Brendan seemed more than happy to participate.
当然 好 Yeah, sure.
他的样本封上之后 With his sample sealed
我把它藏在一个空芯的蜡烛里 I hid it underneath a hollowed-out candle
点燃蜡烛 向我的无薪实习生示意 and then lit the wick to signal to my unpaid intern
这个样品可以送去实验室测验了 that it was ready to be taken to the lab for testing.
确保样本安全之后 And with the sample secured,
我终于可以开始和Brendan共度一天 I could finally begin my day with Brendan.
只是在出发前想说清楚 I just wanted to be clear before we leave,
我帖在了柏拉图式的版块 I posted in the platonic section,
但我知道很多人上那里是想找炮友 but I know a lot of people on there were looking for sexual stuff.
- 你不是这样的吧 - 不不不 - That's not you, right? - No, no, no, no, no.
- 绝对不是 - 好的 - Oh, no, no, no, no, no. - Okay, good.
只是想确认一下 Just wanted to make sure.
- 不是的 - 好 - Sorry, no. - Okay, cool.
我只是想找人一起出去玩 I'm just looking for someone to hang out with.
- 好 很好 - 因为我 - Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, great. - That's 'Cause I
我们达成了共识 And with both of us on the same page,
是时候开始玩了 it was time to have some fun.
我计划了几项活动 I had planned several activities
希望可以提升Brendan的多巴胺值 that I hoped would raise Brendan's dopamine levels
让我得到想要的结果 enough to get the results I needed.
系上安全带 Buckle up.
在前往第一个目的地的路上 And as we headed to our first destination,
我们了解了一下对方 we got to know each other.
比如<星球大战>有红色与蓝色的元素 Like, "Star Wars," You had the red and blue factor.
黑暗面是红色 You had-- the dark side was the red,
光明面是蓝色 and the light side was, um, blue.
<黑客帝国>中 有红色的药和蓝色的药 In "The Matrix," You had the red pill or the blue pill.
哦 Okay.
<僵尸肖恩>中 他吃的圆筒冰激凌是红的 In "Shaun of the Dead," the little cone that he ate was red.
哦 Okay.
<热血警探>中 变成了蓝色 In "Hot Fuzz," the color was blue.
<星际迷航 下一代>中 如果有人穿蓝色 In "Next Generation," if they wore blue,
一般就会死 they typically would die.
在原初系列中 死的是红衣服的 In the original series, it was red.
Brendan好像和我没有很多共同点 It seemed like Brendan and I didn't have a lot in common,
但我希望等他看见我有趣的一面 but I was hopeful that once he saw my fun side,
情况会有所改变 things would change.
- 好 - 所以 - All right. - So...
我们会去一家帽子店 We're gonna go into a hat store
试戴蠢蠢的帽子 and try on silly hats.
- 好 - 很有趣吧 - Okay. Let's do it. - That's fun, right?
- 是啊 - 我的意思是 - Yeah. - I mean, that's something
- 你会觉得有趣吗 - 行 我们走吧 Is that fun for you? - Yeah, let's do it.
好 我们走 Okay, let's go.
- 好的 - 看起来很酷 - All right. - Oh, this is pretty cool.
所有人都喜欢试帽子 Trying on hats is something everyone can enjoy,
这也正好能向Brendan展示 and it was the perfect way to show Brendan that
我并不是那种很较真的人 that I'm the type of guy who doesn't take himself too seriously.
- 这是女孩子戴的 所以 - 是的 - This is what girls would wear, so... - Yeah.
我不确定这个是否适合你 I don't know about this one.
但是Brendan没有表现出我期待的反应 But Brendan wasn't having the reaction I expected,
我们离开这家店之后 and after we left,
我怀疑他的神经递质 I was doubtful his neurotransmitters
并没有在买帽子的过程中得到提升 were sufficiently raised by the hat-store experience,
所以我只好指望下一项活动能发挥作用 so I was counting on the day's next activity to do the trick.
赛者之刃
室内卡丁车
你喜欢玩卡丁车吗 You like go-karts?
- 特别喜欢 - 真的吗 - Hell, yeah. - Yeah?
我敢说Brendan已经很激动了 Right away I could tell Brendan was excited.
我一定要选红色的 I've got to go with red
因为<星际迷航>里面有很多红色元素 because of the red factor in "Star Trek".
好的 All right.
玩卡丁车就像是开普通的车 Go-karting is like normal driving,
只不过车身非常小 except the car is so much smaller,
所以它的乐趣来自于 so the fun comes from the fact
你知道自己的身躯相对车子来说过于庞大 that you know your body is too big for the car,
我们上赛道开始驰骋之后 and as we started going around the track,
我就知道这项活动很管用了 I could tell it was working,
因为Brendan笑得合不拢嘴 'cause Brendan was smiling from ear to ear.
看起来他开心的程度快要达到顶峰 It seemed like his fun levels were peaking,
因此我想尽快拿到第二份样本 so I wanted to get a second sample as quickly as possible.
但等他再次排尿可能还要好几个小时 But since waiting for his urine again could take hours,
我计划去诊所验血从而马上得到样本 I had a plan to get this sample immediately at a clinic via blood test.
剩下要做的就是说服他跟我走 The only thing I had to do now was convince him to go.
你看 我在想 You know, I was thinking...
我们应该做一些完全不在计划中的事情 你说呢 we should do something totally random, you know?
没错 你想 有什么你想做的吗 Yeah, what you... Is there something you want to do?
我不确定 我们可以 比如说 I don't know. We should, like--
我们可以去 比如说 做血液测试之类的 we should, like, go for, like, a blood test or something.
是不是很疯狂 完全是突发奇想 Like, wouldn't that be crazy? So random.
去实验室抽点血什么的 对吧 Just go to a lab and get our blood drawn and stuff?
血液测试 真的血液测试吗 A blood test? An actual blood test?
是的 Yeah.
我从没 呃 好的 I haven't done-- Uh, yeah.
我们可以去 听起来很酷 We can do that. That sounds cool.
其实还挺有意思的 I mean, they're pretty fun to do.
行 我们就去验血吧 Yeah, let's go do a blood test.
听起来还不错 That'd be kind of cool.
既然Brendan同意 我们就出发了 And with Brendan on board, we were off.
从卡丁车比赛的兴奋中缓下来 Coming off the thrill of go-kart racing,
我想尽快地收集Brendan的血液 I wanted to harvest Brendan's blood as quickly as possible,
于是我们前往附近的一家诊所 so we headed to a nearby medical clinic
我事先在这里安排好了这次的实验工作 where I had prearranged for the necessary lab work.
为了确保他的多巴胺水平不会因为无趣的环境而下降 To make sure his levels didn't drop due to the un-fun setting,
我询问护士是否愿意在身上 I asked the nurse if she'd be willing to hide
藏一个电子放屁设备 an electronic fart machine on her person
好让我能在抽血的时候远程控制它 that I'd be able to activate by remote control during the blood draw.
你觉得这样可以吗 Do you think you could do that?
呃 我尽力吧 Um, I'll try my best.
我希望Brendan以为真的有人在放屁 My hope was that Brendan would think they were real farts,
这种有趣的事情会让他的多巴胺水平 and that the fun of that would spike his dopamine levels
在抽血的时候骤增 right as the blood was being taken.
- 谁先来 - 我先吧 - Who's going first? - I guess I'll go first.
- 你想先来吗 行 好的 - 好的 - Do you want to? Okay, yeah. - Okay.
Brendan坐在椅子上了 And with Brendan in his seat,
是时候看看这方法是否有效了 it was time to see if this would work.
不好意思 Sorry about that.
很抱歉 My apologies.
对不起 Sorry.
你今天肚子不合适吗 You have some gas today?
没有 我很好 Nope, I'm okay.
- 噢 你确定没事 - 是的 抱歉 - Oh, you're okay? - Yeah, sorry about that.
好的 那就没问题 Okay. That's okay.
噢 真的对不起 Oh, sorry.
如果你真的病了就应该待在家里 I mean, you should stay home if you're that sick.
为此我感到抱歉 I apologize for that.
- 如果你的肠胃 - 我没事 - I mean, if your bowels are-- - I'm okay.
弄好了 我待会儿就出去了 We're just done, so I will be stepping out in a moment.
我很抱歉 Sorry about that.
今天肠胃里翻江倒海 不好意思 Upset stomach today. Sorry.
没关系 It's okay.
对不起 My apologies.
这些屁很有用 The farts were working,
看起来Brendan被逗得乐不可支 and it seemed like Brendan was having the time of his life.
好了 轮到我了 待会儿见 All right, so I'm gonna do mine, and I'll see you.
- 好的 - 好的 不错 - Okay. - Okay, cool.
刚才真不错 你看到他笑了吗 That was great. Did you see he was laughing?
- 看到了 确实有用 - 是的 - Yeah. That was good. - Okay.
万事俱备之后 So, with everything I needed,
是时候跟Brendan说再见了 it was time to say good-bye to Brendan.
后会有期了 老兄 I'll catch you on the flip side, man.
- 后会什么 - 后会有期 - "Flip side"? - On the flip side.
意思就是"下次见 老兄" It means "Catch you later, dude."
- 好的 兄弟 下次见 - 好的 再见 - All right, see you, man. - Yeah, see you.
但这是否能得到科学的验证 But whether this would translate into actual science
仍有待确认 was still to be seen.
那周晚些时候 我回到了Whimsy医生的办公室 So, later that week, I returned to Dr. Whimsy's office,
焦急地等待结果 nervously awaiting the results.
他的血清素一开始处于正常水平 His serotonin when he started was within normal range.
- 数值是87.22 - 嗯哼 - The number was 87.22. - Uh-huh.
玩了一天之后 数值是219.92 The day of fun, it was 219.92,
比最开始上升了2.5倍 so it shot up 2.5 times what it initially was.
很高的数值 Well, that's huge.
这数值确实不得了 They're very impressive numbers.
所以跟你在一起的这个人不只是在玩 So this person who was with you was not only having fun,
而且玩得很开心 but they were happy,
跟你在一起的时候他们有很强烈的幸福感 and they had a greater sense of well-being when they were with you.
哇 Wow.
呃 Uh...
呃 太令人惊喜了 Uh, that's amazing.
因为 你懂的 我觉得我从小时候开始 'Cause, you know, I think a part of me has always had this thing
总是有一点担心 ever since I was a kid that,
就是别人不喜欢跟我一起玩 you know, people maybe don't like hanging out with me, and,
你懂的 就算他们说玩得很开心 you know, even though they might say they're having fun,
实际却并非如此 they're really not.
而且 有这种想法真的令人很难受 And it's really hard to, you know, have those thoughts.
你的自尊心会因此受到负面影响 I think it can really take a toll on your self-esteem a bit.
- 你明白吗 - 嗯哼 - You know? - Mm-hmm.
但如果现在有任何人质疑我 But now if anyone questions me
说我很无趣 and ever says that I'm not fun
或者跟我在一起时不自在 or is uncomfortable hanging out with me,
我就能说"不 你错了" I can say, "No, you're wrong."
"我很有趣 这已经得到了科学验证" "I am fun, and it's been scientifically proven."
呃 抱歉 我不小心说了点心里话 Uh, sorry. I just kind of opened up to you.
- 你并不是 我不知道 - 不 没关系 - You're not--I don't know. - No, that's cool.
- 我觉得很棒 - 是的 - I think it's great. - Yeah.
我觉得很棒 I think it's great.
事实不可否认 There was no denying it.
从Whimsy医生那里拿到数据之后 After getting the data from Dr. Whimsy,
我现在有科学的证据证明自己很有趣了 I now had scientific proof that I am fun.
但在我浏览Brendan的检查结果时 But as I was looking over Brendan's results,
我意识到既然他跟我相处如此愉快 I realized that if he enjoyed his time with me this much,
或许这不该局限于为节目做的一场实验 maybe this could be more than just an experiment for my show.
或许这可以是一段真正友情的开始 Maybe this could be the start of an actual friendship.
因此那周晚些时候 我安排在Brendan的公寓见面 So, later that week, I arranged a meet-up at Brendan's apartment,
因为如果要把它发展成一份真的友情 because if this was gonna turn into something real,
他有权知道真相 he deserved to know the truth.
呃 有些事我应该告诉你 So, um, there's something I should tell you.
好的 Okay.
为了开启一段友谊 I mean, to start off a friendship,
你需要走出正确的第一步 you need to start on the right foot,
这就意味着诚实 and that means honesty.
- 是的 没错 - 所以 - Yeah, exactly. - So...
呃 um...
我们第一次出去玩的时候 when we were first hanging out,
我偷偷地收集了你的尿液 I was secretly collecting your urine
拿去一家实验室做测试 to have it tested in the lab
检测你的多巴胺水平是否有所上升 to see if your dopamine levels went up.
你为什么要这么做 Why would you do that?
我想看看跟我一起出门你是否玩得开心 I wanted to see if you were having fun hanging out with me.
我 从没人对我做过这种事 我是说 I'm--I've never had anybody do that. I mean...
你懂的 偷偷地拿走我的尿液去检测 you know, secretly, you know, taking my urine to find out
我的多巴胺水平是否上升 if my dopamine levels went up or not.
我想说 我不 I mean, I don't--
我是说 我知道这很奇怪 但就只这一次 I mean, I know that's weird, but it was a one-time thing.
不会再有下次了 It won't happen again,
我希望跟你坦诚相见 and I wanted to be honest with you,
现在你就可以信任我了 so now you know you can trust me.
不 No...
你 不 你拿走了我的尿液 You-- No, you took my urine. I mean...
如果从科学的角度来看这件事 I mean, if you're looking at it in a scientific way,
你懂的 木已成舟 you know, you did what you did, you know.
这也不会伤害到我 I mean, it's not gonna hurt me.
就是点尿液而已 I mean, it's just urine.
你还想跟我做朋友吗 Am I still someone you'd want to be friends with?
是的 你只是拿了我的尿液 Yeah. I mean, you just took my urine.
这件事已经过去了 老兄 I mean, that's in the past, man.
没关系了 I'm fine.
让我们 今天我想出门玩 Let's--I want to go do something today, you know.
我们一起去玩点刺激的东西 Let's go do something exciting.
- 噢 - 嘿 - Oh. - Hey!
背景音乐 - LEN
*上周日的清晨* *Sunday morning of last week*
*沉浸在自我挫败中* *Indulging in my self-defeat*
噢 Aah!
*- 我知道这责任在于我 - 如果你偷走我的阳光* *- I know it's up for me - If you steal my sunshine*
*- 确保自己不要陷得太深 - 如果你偷走我的阳光* *- Making sure I'm not in too deep - If you steal my sunshine*
啊 真是太爽了 Ah! That's awesome.
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