丹·马里诺Dan Marino 前美国橄榄球运动员 曾效力于佛罗里达的迈阿密海豚队
丹·马里诺曾客串出演的电影 扮演自己
一句话剧透: 凶手是变性人
欢迎来到弗兰克的游戏地带 尽享童年乐趣
黑人基督教宗教运动
准备好听八卦了吗 Are you ready for this one?
多蒂家的女儿安妮离婚了 Dotties' daughter Anne's getting divorced.
真不想说"我早就说过" 但我早就说过了 Hate to say "I told you so," But I told you so.
我们应该撮合她和伯尼斯的儿子 You know, we should fix her up with Bernice's son.
叫什么名字来着 那个医生 What's his name? The doctor.
文斯 Oh, Vince.
而且他不是医生 是药剂师 And he's not a doctor. He's a pharmacist.
虽然那可能对安妮更有吸引力 Although that might appeal to Anne.
格雷格 你真是吐槽达人 Greg, you are such a crack-up.
不说安妮了 我们应该给他介绍谁 Forget Anne... who should we fix him up with, huh?
斯黛拉 你知道我还没有 Oh, now, Stella, you know I'm still getting over
从丧妻之痛中走出来 the tragic loss of my wife.
她是个如此坚强 又柔弱的女人 She was such a strong, female woman
拥有傲人的双峰 with nice, heavy breasts.
那是谁 Who's that?
那是我的邻居 你好 拉里 Oh, that's my neighbor. Hey, Larry.
你好 Oh, hey...
格雷布 Greb.
- 是格雷格 - 就是这个 - Greg. - Ah, that was it.
真不知道我为什么就是记不住... I'm not sure why I have so much trouble remembering...
可能因为我们的关系就是这么漫不经心 probably 'cause our relationship is so casual.
早上好 女士们 Morning, ladies.
嗨 Hi.
你们自己走一圈吧 Uh, do a lap without me.
我要和拉里谈谈我们共有的 I need to talk to Larry about an issue
栅栏问题 with our shared fence.
拉里 我要和你谈谈我们共有的 Larry, I need to talk to you about an issue
栅栏问题 with our shared fence.
没错 我也正想和你 Yes, I also need to discuss
讨论一下栅栏问题 this shared fence issue with you.
好了 她们听不到了 Okay, they're out of earshot.
你为什么起这么早 Why are you up so early?
没有原因 就是兴奋地迎接新的一天 No reason... just excited to face a new day.
因为自从我们来到这里 Oh, because ever since we've been down here,
你就一直有点郁闷 you've been a little depressed.
我有吗 Have I?
不不不 别吃那个煎饼 No, no, no, don't eat the burrito.
恶心死了 Oh, I'm disgusting.
好吧 我们刚来的时候我可能确实 Okay, fine, I may have had a teensy bit of trouble
有那么一丁点的不适应 adjusting when we first got here
大概也就持续了小小的六个月 for, like, six teensy, little months,
但我听取了你的建议 我找了份工作 but I took your advice, and I got a job.
- 什么工作 - 卖全地形车 - Doing what? - I sell ATVs now, eh?
事实上 这些小宝贝本身就够吸引人了 Well, the truth is, these little babies sell themselves.
这东西超级好玩 They're super fun,
而且其实远比你想象的要安全 and they're a lot safer than you might think...
如果你就站在它们旁边的话 if you're standing next to one.
如果你要驾驶它的话 那其实 If you're driving it, it's actually much more dangerous
比你想的要危险得多 than you could possibly imagine.
有份工作很好 Well, a job is good.
我知道佛罗里达不是那么尽如人意 I know being stuck down here in Florida isn't ideal,
但我们要随遇而安 but we need to make the best of it.
其实 我正要为我的新工作申请升职 In fact, I'm applying for a promotion at my new job.
真好 Ah, very "Noice."
如果一切顺利 今晚你的邻居就是 And if all goes well, tonight you might be neighbors
助理经理格雷格·斯蒂克尼了 with Greg Stickney, Assistant Manager.
真是超级好 Very double "Noice."
我要去工作了 Well, I'm off to work.
可能你得后退点 Might want to stand back.
你正好站在了危险区域里 You're kind of in the blast zone here.
不能忘了系带子 Don't want to forget the strap.
安全第一 Safety first.
那就是我经常... 好吧 That's what I always... ooh, okay!
你升职是应该的 You deserve this promotion.
现在进去搞定它吧 Now go in there and get it.
火力全开吧 格雷格 Give 'em hell, Greg.
早上好 卡莉 坦尼 Good morning, Carly, Tanny.
看起来你把机器维护得很好 Looks like you're keeping the machines running smoothly.
随便吧 Whatever.
第一个要炒的就是卡莉 Carly will be the first to go.
先生 不好意思 我有些事 Excuse me, sir, there's something
想和你说一下 I'd like to talk to you about.
稍等一会 我现在没空 Uh, one second. I'm busy.
压哨进球 Oh, at the buzzer!
认输吧 奇斯 Suck it, Chase,
你个肮脏的小混蛋 you dirty, little hippy.
是这样 Uh, yes, well, um,
你也知道 我在这工作了四个月了 as you know, I've been here for four months,
我认为我是一个模范员工 and I think I'm a model employee.
没错 毫无疑问 Oh, no doubt. No doubt.
在洗手间装安装水槽的主意是你出的 You had the idea to install sinks in the bathrooms.
我很喜欢 I love that.
是 我想表达的是 Yes, what I'm getting at is,
我想当助理经理 I'd like to be assistant manager.
你是认真的 You serious?
我只是没想到你会对管理感兴趣 Oh, I just never expected you to be interested in management.
我是说 你看起来不像是那种 I mean, you don't seem like the type of person
对领导角色感兴趣的人 who's really interested in leadership roles.
真的吗 Really?
认识我的人 Anyone who knows me would say
都不这么觉得 the opposite.
我工作非常努力 I'm very hard-working.
是啊 如果你没有突然爆发的话 Yeah, when you're not totally blazed.
我向你保证 那不是我 I assure you that's not me.
好吧 去和上周穿过的 Okay, tell that to the Count Blunt-ula
布兰特乌拉伯爵T恤说吧 T-shirt that you were rocking last week.
失物招领处只有那个能穿 It was the only thing in lost and found.
有一对父子吐在我身上了 A child and his father threw up on me.
好吧 我会考虑的 Okay, I'll think about it.
想当官了 Management!
你真是充满惊喜啊 格雷格 Full of surprises, Greg.
喂 Hello?
现在前往一号地点 Go to location one now.
哈斯法警 Marshal Haas.
格雷格 Greg.
拉里 Larry.
我听不到你说话 你能听见我吗 I can't hear you. Can you hear me?
听不到 I cannot hear you.
你说了什么 我们听不到 What did you say? We can't hear you.
我听不到 我觉得我的引擎太大声了 I can't hear you; I think my engine's too loud.
是你的引擎 It's your engine.
关掉你的引擎 Turn off your engine.
我不知道要怎么关上引擎 I don't know how to turn off the engine.
我们应该在你车里谈 We should talk in your car.
都来我车里说吧 Let's all talk in my car.
我们去警长的车里谈 Let's talk in the Marshal's car.
我觉得我们应该去她的... I think we should talk in her...
好吧 Okay.
我们再来一遍例行检查 Let's go over the normal checklist stuff.
你们联系过之前生活中的人吗 Have you had any contact with anyone from your previous life?
没有 No.
有人当面或是在网上怀疑过 Has anyone questioned your current identity
你们现在的身份吗 either in person or online?
- 没有 - 突击测验 - No. - Pop quiz.
格雷格 你大学在哪上的 Greg, where did you go to college?
俄亥俄州立大学 我的专业是... Ohio State, where I majored in...
通信 communications.
很好 Perfect.
拉里 你最喜欢的电影是什么 Larry, what's your favorite movie?
- 《虎胆龙威》 - 错 - Uh, "Die Hard." - Wrong.
杰克最喜欢的电影才是《虎胆龙威》 Jake's favorite movie is "Die Hard."
我问的是拉里最喜欢的电影 I asked you for Larry's favorite movie.
不能喜欢同一部电影嘛 Two people can have the same favorite movie.
当然可以 但你答错了 They can, but they don't.
拉里最喜欢的电影是"赖家王老五" Larry's favorite movie is "Failure to Launch."
重复一遍 Say it.
说"我最喜欢的电影是"赖家王老五" Say, "My favorite movie is 'Failure to Launch.'"
我最喜欢的电影是"赖家王老五" My favorite movie is "Failure to Launch."
演得可真好 I wish I could believe you.
继续 三个月前 有人向FBI举报 Moving on, three weeks ago an informant told the FBI
"屠夫"吉米·菲吉斯的藏身窝点 where to find Jimmy "The Butcher" Figgis.
根据线索 我和五十名联邦特工 Acting on that lead, 50 federal agents and I
突袭了位于帕拉默斯的一个仓库 raided a warehouse in Paramus.
真是棒极了 It was awesome.
你抓到他了 这事结束了 我们能回家了 So you got him... it's over. We can go home?
没有 抱歉 No, sorry.
菲吉斯不在那里 Figgis wasn't there.
我说的是突袭非常棒 The raid was awesome.
见到了一帮好久没见的老伙计 Caught up with a lot of dudes I don't normally get to see.
你知道菲吉斯怎么样了吗 Do you know what happened to Figgis?
不知道 但我们知道的是 No, but what we do know
菲吉斯从没去过那 is that Figgis was never there.
我们的情报从最开始就是错的 Our intel was wrong from minute one.
有什么我们能协助调查的吗 Is there any way we could help with the investigation?
完全没有 No, absolutely not.
否则只会让自己和调查陷入危险之中 Your involvement would endanger your lives and this case.
抱歉 但拉里和格雷格似乎要 I'm sorry, but it looks like Larry and Greg
永远留在佛罗里达了 will be in Florida indefinitely.
突击问答 拉里 "赖家王老五"的 Pop quiz, Larry: who's the female lead
女主角是谁 in "Failure to Launch"?
- 凯特·哈德森 - 莎拉·杰西卡·帕克 - Kate Hudson? - Sarah Jessica Parker, man!
天哪 你是不是想死啊 God, it's like you want to die.
看来我们是要永远留在佛罗里达了 So we're in Florida indefinitely.
你没问题吧 You okay?
当然特么没问题 I squirt-anly am.
词穷 但表达出了情绪 Poor choice of words, but the sentiment remains.
怎么了 你说得对 What? You were right.
幸亏我有工作 能让我保持专注 It's the job. It keeps me focused.
如果是这样那就太好了 Well, good, I'm glad to hear it.
没错 Yep.
你不介意的话 Now if you'll excuse me,
我要骑着这个小混蛋回去工作了 I got to drive this Bee-otch back to work.
- 什么 - 不好意思 - What? - Oh, sorry.
这是伊仓小蜜蜂5000 This is the Ikura Bee-otch 5,000.
全新型号 Brand-new model.
刚到货 Just came in.
我本来想要小蜜蜂10000的 I was gonna go for the 10,000,
但那个太招摇了 but that Bee-otch is way too fancy.
再见 See you soon.
嘿 宝贝 Hey, babe.
好了 吉米·菲吉斯 Okay, Jimmy Figgis.
你到底在哪 Where the hell are you?
拉里 Oh, Larry.
于是我进去告诉他 So I marched in there and I told him
我想当助理经理 I wanted that assistant manager position.
真希望我儿子有你这样的勇气 I wish my son had your backbone.
这样他就能和艾米莉离婚了 Then he could finally divorce Emily.
他到底看上了她哪点 What does he see in her anyway?
可能是她的胸吧 Probably her breasts,
比一般人要大 which are heavier than average.
我不想说的这么直白 女士们 I don't mean to be crude, ladies,
但这就是正常的思维 but that's just how the straight mind works.
- 嗨 拉里 - 你好 格鲁特 - Oh, hey, Larry. - Ah, hello, Groot.
- 格雷格 - 好吧 - Greg. - Right.
我们是不是要讨论一下 Is there an issue with our shared fence
关于栅栏的事 that we must discuss?
不用 我们的栅栏没问题 Nope, our shared fence is fine.
准备去上班 Just off to work.
全地形车店里有什么活动吗 Is there something going on at the ATV lot?
没错 有一个大型的... Yes, uh, having a sale on...
二手弹簧大甩卖 big, old springs.
- 是缓冲装置吧 - 没错 - Shocks. - Right.
我知道 我是怕你听不懂 I knew that; I was just dumbing it down for you.
总之 我要走了 At any rate, I am off.
嘀嘀 Honk, honk.
我不知道按哪里是喇叭 I don't know where the horn is.
你怎么... Gahh! What the...
全地形车 ATVs?
你唯一在卖的 The only thing you're selling
就是一大堆谎话吧 is a huge pile of bunk.
你走路都能来得这么快 How did you get here so fast? You were walking.
我那是竞走 I was power-walking.
脚后跟 脚掌 脚趾 Roll heel, ball, toe...
脚后跟 脚掌 脚趾 roll heel, ball, toe.
因为你对佛罗里达态度的转变 I was already suspicious about your new positive attitude
我早就怀疑你了 你曾形容这里是 towards Florida, a state you once described as
"美国的臭屁股" "America's stinky butt."
但我们见过警长之后 But then, after we met the marshal,
你就说了很奇怪的话 you said something very strange.
是指"特么"吗 It was "squirt-anly," wasn't it?
不 更奇怪的话 No, something much stranger.
你说的对 You were right.
我马上就猜到你在策划什么 I knew then that you were up to something,
于是我就跟踪了你 so I followed you here.
这个锁的密码我一猜就对了 I guessed the combination on the first try:
6969 69-69.
六九年六月九号 我父母的结婚日 June 9, 1969, the day my parents got married.
- 不 不是的 - 我妈妈的生日 - No, it isn't. - My mom's birthday.
- 不对 - 登月日 - No. - The moon landing.
- 错 - 好吧 你说得对 - Nope. - Fine, you're right.
就是个随机数字 It's a completely random number.
听着 联邦警察没用的 Look, the feds are useless.
他们永远都抓不到菲吉斯 They're never gonna catch Figgis,
所以我在调查这个案子 so I'm working the case.
我想回家 我想见艾米 I want to get home and see Amy.
你不想见凯文吗 Don't you want to see Kevin?
我当然想 Of course I do.
但我们被禁止参与调查 But we were told not to get involved.
你怎么就不能听指挥呢 Why can't you just follow orders?
因为我讨厌这个蠢地方 Because I hate this stupid place,
我一定要离开这里 and I've got to get out.
这个城市出名是因为每一任市长都不得善终 This town's claim to fame is that its mayors keep dying,
而且没人知道原因 and no one knows why.
简直疯了 That's insane.
你太自私了 你让我 You're selfish, and you're putting
也陷入了危险的境地 my life at risk.
所以我不会把资料还给你的 So no, you're not getting those files back.
我建议你接受现实 I suggest you accept the reality of the situation
不管用什么办法 and make the best of it.
重新振作起来 Snap out of it,
然后去找个工作 and get a job.
好的 有趣的主意 Okay. Interesting idea.
不知道哪里有空缺 I wonder who's hiring.
大家好 向各位介绍 Hey, everyone, just want to introduce you
我们新的助理经理 to our new assistant manager,
拉里·谢伯特 Larry Sherbet.
狗娘养的 Son of a bitch.
拉里 你想来说几句吗 Larry, you want to say a few words?
当然 谢谢 Absolutely. Thanks.
大家好 Hey, everybody.
几件关于我管理风格的事情 Uh, couple things about my management style.
第一条 只要别问我杯子里装的什么 Number one: don't nobody ask me about what's in my cup,
我们就什么问题都没有 we ain't gonna have no problems.
第二条 我相信绰号的力量 Uh, two, I believe in the power of nicknames.
笑脸 魅力小姐 Smile Face, Señorita Swag,
大巫师 Kahuna!
好耶 Oh, yeah.
至于你 我的朋友 And you, my friend,
我们叫你放屁先生 we will call Mr. Fart.
听起来不怎么专业 Seems rather unprofessional.
他喊的你放屁"先生" 放屁先生 He called you "Mr." Fart, Mr. Fart.
谢谢你 大巫师 Thanks, Kahuna.
伙计们 我能对你们说几句真心话吗 Guys, can I get real with you for one sec?
我曾经为一个顽固的家伙工作 I used to work for a real stickler...
就是那种特别喜欢 the type of guy that just got off
指使我做事的家伙 on telling me what to do.
有一次他闯进了我的私人空间 还偷了我的东西 One time, he invaded my private space and stole my stuff.
他为什么要那么做啊 Why would he do that?
可能他有充分的理由呢 Perhaps he had a good reason.
错了 放屁先生 他是个非常差劲的混蛋 Wrong, Mr. Fart. He was a jerk and he sucked.
但也是他激励了我 But he was the one who motivated me
让我振作起来 得到了这份工作 to get off my ass and get this job,
所以在某种程度上 我们真的要向他 so in a way, we really have him to thank
为这一切表示感谢 for all this happening.
来点掌声 Give it up.
这家伙真棒啊 对吧 格雷格 How great is this guy, Greg?
等等 他是格雷格吗 Wait, that's Greg?
- 没错 - 那个吸毒的家伙吗 - Yeah. - The stoner?
是的 看看他 他就是个塔法里教徒 Yeah, look at him. He's such a Rasta.
绝对的 Aw, total Rasta.
你是怎么得到这份工作的 How did you even get this job?
你毫无经验 You have zero experience.
你是伪造了简历吧 I guess you lied on your resume.
格雷格 你药嗑多了吧 Greg, you stoney macaroni...
我当然要伪造简历了 Of course I lied on my resume.
我们的整个人生都是谎言 Our entire lives are a lie.
我就直接说我是那个 I straight up said I was that guy who
把飞机迫降在哈德森河上的人 landed the plane on the Hudson.
为了羞辱我而抢我的工作 Taking my job just to spite me...
即使是你 这也够下流的 that's low, even for you.
但这可不是为了羞辱 Oh, but it's not spite.
这是敲诈 It's blackmail.
我要变成你的上司 I'm gonna be your boss,
我会让你的生活变得苦不堪言 and I'm gonna make your life miserable,
除非你把菲吉斯档案还回来 unless you give me back my Figgis file.
不可能 Oh, never gonna happen.
好吧 随你的便 Okay. Suit yourself.
希望你喜欢过生日的小孩子 Hope you like kids' birthdays.
大家看这里 有人刚刚自愿当生日宴会上的DJ Hey, everyone, someone just volunteered to be DJ B-Day.
在这个欢乐区里 我们只有一条规则 Here at the Fun Zone, we live by one rule:
当你生日时 总是很炫酷 when it's your birthday, you're always cool.
父母和孩子们都一样 Parents and kids are all the same.
看我 Watch...
用你的名字 as I do a dance...
跳一支舞 to your name.
德 德 德 德里克 D-d-d-d-d-d-Derek.
重来 Again.
查出里面住了什么吗 Figure out what's living in there yet?
从空掉的啤酒罐 Well, uh, judging by the empty beer cans,
毛发 色情杂志 以及爪痕来看 the fur, the pornography, and the claw marks,
我猜是一个流浪汉和一只浣熊 I'd say a homeless man and a raccoon.
它们的关系究竟是什么 The exact nature of their relationship
还有待发掘 is still revealing itself.
我猜和性有关 I'm gonna assume sexual.
你准备把文件给我了吗 You ready to give me those files yet?
没有 No.
好吧 是时候给你下一个任务了 Well, then, I guess it's time for your next task.
你需要变装一下 You're gonna need to change.
变成什么 Into what?
放屁先生 Oh, Mr. Fart.
你看起来好极了 You look perfect.
你的手段 就只是一套愚蠢的服装吗 So a silly costume... is that all you got?
难说 Hardly.
我要你在每一辆卡丁车经过时 Every time a go-kart drives by,
都要大声喊 I want you to scream...
千万记住了 and this is very important...
"我太老土了" "Me so corny!"
你可以毁了我的工作 拉里 You can ruin my job, Larry,
但我在佛罗里达州不止有工作 but that's not all I've got here in Florida.
我还有生活 I've got a life.
我还有朋友 I've got friends.
真的吗 You sure about that?
老实说 埃斯黛尔 听起来你应该 Honestly, Estelle, it almost sounds like you should
停止食用牛肉 stop eating beef altogether.
我知道 我一直在说这件事 I know. That's what I keep saying.
去死吧 拉里 Oh, go to hell, Larry!
那可是我的竞走团 That's my walking group!
回去拿我的文件吗 Off to get my file?
不 你永远不会得到文... No, you will never get the f...
格雷格 Greg!
你还好吗 Are you okay?
是的 但我们有更大的麻烦了 Yes, but we got bigger problems.
这会红遍网络的 This is gonna break the Internet.
不 不 女士 求你了 你不能把它放到网上去... No, no, ma'am, please, you can not put that on the Inter...
我就想看到这样的 I was hoping that would happen.
好的 太好了 Yes! Yes!
你的手腕扭成那样不太正常 I don't think your wrist is supposed to move like that.
没错 但自从我在高中踢足球时 No, it's been like this since
把手腕摔断后 就变成这样了 I broke it playing football in high school.
好吧 我是被马踢的 Fine, I petted a horse too hard.
如果那个女人把她用手机 If that woman posts her camera phone video
拍的那段视频传到网上去 that she took with a camera phone camera
菲吉斯就会发现我们在哪里了 to the Internet, Figgis could figure out where we are.
都怪你 This is your fault.
或许应该怪你 因为你偷了我的文件 Or maybe it's your fault for stealing my files.
这不重要 You know what? It doesn't matter.
我们必须要拿到那段视频 We have to get that video.
我们能不能给这场斗争按个"暂停" Can we please just press "Pause" on this fight
然后一起合作呢 and work together?
可以 但是有个条件 Yes, on one condition:
你离我的竞走团远点 you stay the hell away from my walking group.
竞走团对我来毫无意义 The walking group meant nothing to me.
那你就更过分了 That's even worse.
行了 好的 我会住手的 Okay, fine, I'll stop.
那个女的长什么样啊 What did this lady look like?
白人 女性 一米六 White, female, 5'3",
T恤上写着"性高潮捐助者" T-shirt that read, "Orgasm Donor."
我们还需要更多信息 We need more.
我们需要拿到监控录像 We need access to the security tapes.
好了 这里有偷大猩猩玩偶的小屁孩 Okay, we got teenagers stealing a stuffed gorilla,
偷卡丁车里汽油的老太太 old lady siphoning gas out of a go-kart,
把埋在墙里的电线扯出来的瘾君子 junkie ripping copper wires out of the wall...
天啊 这地方真是太乱了 God, this place is messed up.
找到你了 There you are.
有什么发现 What did you find?
不多 Not much.
她背对着摄像头 Camera was behind her.
不过看她小腿 But look at her calf.
上面有个 It's a tattoo of Jesus
耶稣痛扁本拉登的纹身 punching bin Laden in the nuts.
或许当地的纹身师 Maybe a local tattoo artist
能认出来 will recognize it.
这肯定不是常见的图案 It can't be that common.
这是我们这里最常见的图案 That's the most common tattoo we give.
那这张照片毫无用处 So these photos tell us nothing?
不过你知道吗 Actually, you know what?
这是高中的毕业纪念戒指 That's a high school graduation ring.
马里诺高中 2003级 Dan Marino High, class of 2003.
马里诺高中 我猜是因海豚队得名的吧 Marino High, home of the Dolphins, I suspect.
不是 是因为"宠物侦探" Nope, Pet Detectives.
马里诺的那个角色在我们这里相当受欢迎 Town was really into Marino's cameo in "Ace Ventura."
可以理解 Ah, it stands to reason.
很经典的电影 我童年的最爱之一 Classic film, one of my childhood favorites.
只有在结尾的时候才展现出对跨性别人群的恐惧 And it only gets overtly transphobic at the very end,
所以这电影拍得挺成功 so a win.
总之 非常感谢 Anyway, thank you very much.
你帮了我们大忙 You've been very helpful.
你们不是来做纹身的吗 But... you guys getting ink, or what?
不了 我已经有纹身了 No, I already have a tattoo.
什么 在哪 为什么 怎么会 什么时候的事 What? Where? Why? How? When?
我不会再谈这件事了 I will never talk about it again.
好了 现在我们要去马里诺中学 Okay, now all we have to do is go to Dan Marino High
找出所有零三级学生的档案 and get all the personal info on the class of 2003
然后给对方看自己的纹身 and then show each other our tattoos.
你先来 You go first.
不可能 It's never gonna happen.
我们已经不是警察了 We're not cops anymore.
怎么才能拿到那些文件 How are we gonna get access to those files?
简单 我假扮成来自"虫立消"灭虫公司的 Easy. I walk in there dressed as an exterminator
害虫消灭专家 saying I'm from 1-2-3 Pest Removal.
秘书肯定说 "没听说过" Secretary's like, "Never heard of you."
我就说 "听着 小妞 Then I'm like, "Listen, lassie,
最好让我去跟你们校长说" it's best you let me speak with your principal."
我知道了 不会带口音的 I hear it. I'm gonna drop the accent.
然后她带我去见校长 She takes me to see the principal...
你在后面悄悄进去 you walk in behind me
把资料下载下来 and download the file.
唯一的问题是 我们上哪去找 The only question is, where are we gonna find
灭虫员的工作服 an exterminator's outfit?
我们需要一条卡其裤和一件卡其色上衣 We're gonna need khaki pants and a khaki shirt.
去我的休闲装专用衣柜里拿 To my casual wear closet.
嗨 我是灭虫专家 Hey, there, I'm the exterminator
我是来... here for the...
对了 你是来抓蛇的 Yes, you're here for the snakes.
没错 Oh, right.
抓蛇 没错 The snakes, yes.
我就是来抓蛇的 That is why I'm here.
- 这边请 - 好的 - This way. - Okay.
我找到了嫌疑人 I found our suspect.
她叫乔丹·卡夫顿 Her name is Jordan Karfton,
住在舒勒路 and she lives on Shula Lane.
蛇抓的怎么样 How did the snake removal go?
挺好的 挺好的 It was good. It was good.
卡夫顿女士 我知道你不认识我们 Ms. Karfton, you don't know us, but...
不 我认识 Uh, yeah, I do.
我拍了你们俩蠢货的视频 I got you on video looking like a couple of dumbasses.
我觉得我当时 I like to think I handled it
还是没那么蠢的 with some amount of grace.
并不是 你的样子比我儿子杰登还蠢 Nope, you looked dumber than my kid Jaden,
他可是斗鸡眼 and his eyes are perma-crossed.
想看看吗 喂 杰登 You want to see? Hey, Jaden!
不 不用了 No, that's not necessary.
你把视频发到网上了吗 Have you posted that video to the Internet?
还没 Not yet.
我手机没流量了 Ran out of data on my phone
看的小黄片太多 because of all the porn I watched.
我们又不认识 We don't know each other.
你直接说没流量了就行了 You could've just said you were out of data.
明天去参加亲戚婚礼的时候 I'm uploading the video tomorrow
我再上传视频 at my cousin's wedding.
会场里有无线网 Dog track has free Wi-Fi.
能不能请你不要上传 Would you ever consider not uploading it
直接删掉呢 and deleting it instead?
如果被我们老板看到的话 If our boss sees that video,
我们会丢工作的 we could be fired.
我才不管你们 I don't care about you.
这视频肯定会走红 A great viral video like that
我没准能挣个一万块呢 could fetch me ten grand.
你知道这么多钱能买到什么样的 And do you know what type of tanning bed I could get
日光浴床吗 for that kind of money?
中档的 A mid-range one.
没必要 你的肤色已经很健康了 Not necessary. Your tan is great as-is.
你看起来就像 You look like...
一块颜色均匀的木板 an evenly-stained deck.
行了 哥们 把持住 All right, dude. Keep it in your pants.
我知道你为什么会动这种心思 Like, I get why you're into this,
我也知道我们可能会发展出点什么 and I could see something going on with us later,
但是眼下 我只想要钱 but right now, I need the cash.
等等 那如果我们给你一万块呢 Wait, what if we gave you the $10,000?
一万五就成交 Make it 15, you got a deal.
好 Fine.
今晚八点 在游乐园见面 Meet us tonight at the Fun Zone... 8:00.
说定了 I will.
好好打扮打扮 Wear something cute.
我们没有这么多钱 We don't have that kind of money.
别担心 Don't worry.
我有的是办法 I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.
我只需要你做一件事... The only thing I need you to do is...
我不会给你看我的纹身的 I'm not gonna show you my tattoo.
拜托 提示一下嘛 Come on, just give me a hint.
是一艘老式的船吗 Is it an antique boat?
还是一把步枪 难道是我在骑着龙 Is it a musket? Is it me on a dragon?
是不是我骑龙的图案啊 长官 Sir, is it me on a dragon?
看 一万五千美元 Boom. $15,000 cash.
哇 怎么弄到的 Wow. How'd you get it?
原来不是 Oh, you didn't.
你只是把二十美元 You just stuck a few 20s
和一些玉米热狗优惠券捆在一起了 around a bunch of corn dog coupons.
很聪明吧 Smart, right?
那如果她要数呢 What if she decides to count it?
我可不担心这个 Oh, I'm not too worried about that.
她看起来可不像爱数数的人 She doesn't strike me as a big counter.
你想的很好嘛 Oh, well, that's quite an assumption.
这就是你的伟大计划 So... so this is your big plan.
不行 我们必须取消会面 Oh, we need to call this off.
不行 这是我们最好的机会 No, this is our best shot.
而且是现在的唯一机会 And right now, it's our only shot.
贱人 我的钱在哪 Where's my money, bitch?
真不错 我看你还带了朋友 Charming. I see you brought friends.
是啊 以防万一 Oh, yeah, for backup.
这是你的钱 Well, here is your money.
都在那了 你可以数数 It's all there if you want to count it.
我高中毕业了 Hey, I graduated high school.
用不着向你证明我会数数 I don't have to prove to you I can count.
当然不用 Of course not.
电话在这 你能删视频了 Here's the phone. You can delete the video.
- 谢谢 照片... - 嘿 比利 看啊 - Thank you... pictures... - Hey, Billy, check it out.
我要从拉链那把一千美元塞进去 I'ma stick $1,000 out of my zipper.
搞什么鬼 Hey, what the hell?
这不是真钱 This isn't real money.
嘿 手机还给我 Hey, give me my phone.
除非你先抓住我 You're gonna have to catch me first.
你真以为这样管用 You really thought that would work?
这视频会传开的 This video is going viral.
而你 And you...
还是可以来找我 this can still happen anytime.
你知道我住在哪 You know where I live.
没事吧 You okay?
没事 Yeah.
- 有点心塞 但... - 很好 - A little sore, but... - Good.
那我就可以尽情地批评你了 Then I can excoriate you freely.
你在佛罗里达混吃混喝 You half-assed living in Florida,
拿个手机也想蒙混过关 and you half-assed getting the phone back.
我们很可能暴露身份 You've probably blown our cover,
这意味着警长会把我们转移走 which means the marshals will have to move us.
而到时候 我会要求他们 And when they do, I'm gonna demand
送我们到不同的城市 they send us to different cities,
因为我不想你再出现在我附近 because I don't want you anywhere near me.
我掉包了手机 I swapped the phones.
什么 What?
我拿到视频了 I got the video.
对不起 Sorry.
我不会再打扰你了 I won't bother you anymore.
再见 格雷格 Bye, Greg.
最近 迷你高尔夫场的十三洞 Lastly, hole 13 on the mini golf course
不见了 所以告诉所有的玩家 is missing, so tell all the players
重复打十二洞就好 to just repeat hole 12.
好了 解散 All right, dismissed.
见鬼 格雷格 你做助理经理 Damn, Greg, you are killing it
实在是太称职了 as assistant manager.
让人们早上九点来玩的主意 I mean, having the idea to have people come in
真的让生意好很多 9:00 a.m... that has really helped business.
我们的告示牌上开业时间就是这个点 Yes, that is when the sign says we're open.
没错 还有另一件事 Yeah. Look, there's one other thing.
现在你来管理了 我要你保证 Now that you're management, I need you to promise me
不要再碰毒品了 that you're gonna lay off the drugs.
只是一个小小的... 我并不想磨灭你的 Just a little... I don't want to kill your whole
瘾君子气质之类的 stoney vibe or anything.
- 我会努力的 - 谢谢 - I'll try. - Thank you.
你保持这个势头 You keep this up,
我真诚地相信你会在两三年内成为 and I genuinely believe that you could be night manager
夜班经理 in, like, two to three years.
好的 Yes.
两三年 Two or three years.
这里 Here.
在佛罗里达 In Florida.
这是一种全地形车 Well, it's an all-terrain vehicle,
所以没错 你们在客厅里 so yeah, you can do doughnuts
兜圈都行 in your living room.
嗨 听说你这里有 Hi, I hear you're the man to talk to
49789WJ8-09型越野极限四轮驱动车 about the XTR-XP 49789WJ8-09 Xtreme four-wheel drive Z-Cat.
先生 我得打断你一下 Sir, I'm gonna stop you right there.
你和我其他同事 I think you might be more comfortable
去聊这款车可能会更好 speaking with one of our other associates.
不不 我只能和这个家伙聊 No, no, I need to talk to this particular associate
并对之前称他是个 and apologize for saying he
不称职的全地形车销售而道歉 half-assed his ATV sales technique.
谢谢你的好意 但我已经不介意了 Well, that's very nice, but I've moved on,
我还有顾客 and I'm with customers,
谢谢 so thanks.
这些车很危险 These machines are death traps.
如果你们买了 If you purchase one,
就会变成残疾 you will be maimed.
你们不会残疾的 You won't be maimed.
一般都是摔成内伤 Most of the injuries are internal.
这样吧 You know what?
我和这位先生聊一会儿 I'm gonna speak with this gentleman for one moment.
很抱歉 我失陪一下 I'm so sorry. Give me a second.
先生 我们能去那边说吗 Sir, can I speak with you over here?
你这是演的哪一出 What is this all about?
我一直在避开你 我找了工作 I've been staying away from you; I got a job.
我听你的努力去适应了 I'm trying to make the best of it, just like you said.
没必要了 适应什么的都去死吧 Well, don't bother. Making the best of it sucks.
我想回家 I want to go home.
这里简直像个破马戏团 This town is a crap circus.
怎么回事 What has gotten into you?
你如愿以偿 受到了提拔 You clearly got the promotion like you wanted.
顺便恭喜你 Congratulations, by the way.
你穿蓝色很好看 The blue looks great on you.
那天 我们假扮成警察 The day we spent acting like cops
把视频搞回来 and getting that video back
是自我到这个城市以来 was the only time I've felt alive
唯一一次能感受到自己还活着 since we've been down here.
你想说什么 So what are you saying?
我能试驾一下这个吗 Can I take this for a test drive?
当然 Yeah, sure.
这里是点火 The ignition is here.
我以前骑过这玩意 I've ridden ATVs before...
在伯克郡买的老古董 antiquing in the Berkshires.
我的文件 Oh, my files.
我可爱的文件 My beautiful files.
我看了你查的东西 I've looked over what you've got.
考虑到你的调查条件 还是很不错的 只是... Given your resources, very impressive, but...
我知道 I know.
要找到菲吉斯还得花几个月的时间 It'll take me months to find Figgis,
但如果我们齐心协力 或许不需要那么久 but we'll find him faster if we work together.
如果我们不去找菲吉斯呢 What if we don't find Figgis?
如果让菲吉斯来找我们呢 What if Figgis finds us?
我以为你删了视频 But I thought you deleted the file.
我本来打算删的 I was going to,
但这部手机的摄像机 but this camera phone camera
和我用的手机不一样 is not the same kind of camera phone camera
所以我不会删 as I have, so I couldn't figure out how.
但还好我没删 But I'm glad I didn't.
我觉得我们可以上传这段视频 I say we post this video
把自己当做诱饵 and use it to lure Figgis down here,
把菲吉斯引过来 making ourselves into bait.
一旦菲吉斯来了 我们就把他抓住 And once Figgis is here, we take him down,
从美国的屁股里爬出来 然后回家 climb out of America's steaming orifice, and go home.
我喜欢这个计划 格雷格 I like the way you're thinking, Greg.
我叫霍尔特 It's Holt.
雷蒙德·霍尔特警监 Captain Raymond Holt.
来找我们吧 菲吉斯 Now come and get us, Figgis.