神烦警探 第4季第6集
二十分钟后
纽约新城市政机场 150米处
二十三分钟后
片中男女主角还没见过面时就已经互相倾心
次日夜
美国导演 代表作《实习生》《天生一对》
幸运兔脚是一种幸运符号 许多文化都认为兔脚是能带来好运的护身符
讲述一名芭蕾舞女演员生活的电视剧
奈特·沙马兰 著名电影导演 作品常为悬疑惊悚风格 代表作《第六感》
《天兆》 奈特·沙马兰作品 片名与"预兆"是同一个词
Jake和扮演者Andy Samberg都是犹太人
片中男女主角还没见过面时就已经互相倾心
爸爸 爸爸 快过来 Papa, Papa, come in here!
嘿 爸爸来了 Hey, Papa's here.
爸爸 我好害怕 Papa, I'm so scared.
衣柜里有个怪物 There's a monster in my closet.
没事的 孩子 Oh, buddy. Shh.
没关系 我来了 It's okay, I'm here.
怪物是不存在的 我的小乖乖 Monster's aren't real, my little pierogi.
但是我看见了 它很大个还毛茸茸的 But I saw it. It was big and hairy.
你只是做了个恶梦罢了 You just had a nightmare, buddy.
不 是真的 No, it was real!
我知道你觉得是真的 I'm sure it felt that way.
但我现在要打开这个衣柜 But I am gonna open this closet,
让你看看里面其实什么都没有 and I'm gonna show you that there's nothing in there.
别打开 爸爸 Don't do that, Papa!
看吧 什么都 See? Nothing...
嘿 小查 Ah, hey, Chuck.
是我 皮门托 It's Pimento.
现在尼古拉耶说他害怕得 And now Nikolaj says he's too frightened
以后都不敢睡觉了 真是多谢你了 to ever sleep again, so that's just superduper.
我真不知道他在害怕些什么 I don't understand what he's so scared about.
我如果是去杀他的话 他根本不可能听见动静 If I was there to kill him, he never would've heard me.
这你都跟他说好几遍了 A thing you told him several times.
天呐 尼古拉耶的童年真丰富啊 God, Nikolaj is having such a rich childhood.
能倒回去点说不 Can we back up?
你一开始跑到伯耶尔家的衣柜里 What were you doing in Boyle's closet
- 是要干什么呢 - 我去年 - in the first place? - Well, I still had a key
在那住了一阵子之后还留着钥匙 from when I was crashing there last year, and I wanted
所以当然是想在见罗莎之前 to shower and anoint my body with essential oils
洗个澡 抹点精油什么的 before I saw Rosa. Duh.
你回来她肯定欣喜若狂啊 Well, she's gonna be so psyched that you're back.
你这么长时间都去哪了 Where have you been all this time?
菲吉斯一个月前就被抓起来了 Figgis has been locked up for a month.
我在乌兹别克斯坦蹲监狱 I was in prison in Uzbekistan.
其实没有听起来那么严重了 It's actually not as bad as it sounds.
我活该 I deserve this!
你怎么进去的 Why were you in jail?
我开着一架前苏联的螺旋桨飞机 Ah, I got shot down smuggling ammo to a rebel group,
走私武器给叛乱团体的时候被击落了 flying an old Soviet prop plane.
他们对我们严刑拷打 They tortured us.
逼我吃副驾驶的舌头 Made me eat my co-pilot's tongue.
不过我现在爱上那滋味了 Oof, now I've got a taste for it.
重要的是你现在毫发无损 The important thing is you're safe and sound
回到了布鲁克林 and back in Brooklyn.
谢谢你 警监 Thank you, Captain.
你身上好香 Ooh, you smell good! Wowza.
- 放开我 - 好吧 - And end of hug. - Okay.
我会让他们尽快恢复 I'll see about getting you reinstated
你在纽约警局的工作 to the NYPD immediately.
那必须再抱一下啊 I think this deserves another hug.
- 我也觉得 - 不 - Me too. - Nope.
- 一个就够了 - 好吧 - One was sufficient. - Cool.
皮门托 你个混蛋 Pimento, you son of a bitch!
你才是混蛋 You're the son of a bitch!
好吧 那看看到底谁是混蛋 Oh, we'll see who's a son of a bitch.
嗯 等着瞧吧 Oh, yes, we will.
好甜蜜耶 It's so sweet.
还很暴力 And violent.
真是太尴尬了 Yeah, this is awkward.
他们肯定一会就分开了 I'm sure they'll stop soon.
战况升级了 咱们走吧 And it's escalating. Let's go.
我把手机落在简报室了 I left my phone in the briefing room.
都二十分钟了 你觉得他们是不是还 It's been 20 minutes. You think they're still...
他们啥都没干 They're not doing anything.
亲完就开始聊天了 Kissing just turned into talk.
在这里上班到底有什么意思啊 It's like, why even work here?
都听着 我们想宣布一件事情 Listen up! We have an announcement to make.
我在乌兹别克斯坦的监狱里 When I was in that Uzbek prison,
因为脸被打爆 choking on my own blood
而快被满口鲜血呛死的时候 because my face was being beaten in,
我觉得 人生真是充满乐趣 I realized, life is funny!
你就想到了这些 That's what you realized?
- 嗯 - 而且人生苦短 - Mm-hmm. - And it's short.
我们要再续 We're picking up where we left off
艾德里安没离开时的前缘 when Adrian went into hiding.
我们明天就结婚 We're getting married tomorrow.
明天 那也太快了 Tomorrow. That's real quick.
谢谢你 警长 Thank you, Sarge.
我们希望婚礼能够美好 And we want it to be beautiful,
奢华 还要浪漫 and lush, and romantic,
就像在南希·迈耶斯的电影里一样 just like a Nancy Meyers movie.
她是我们最喜欢的导演 She's our favorite director.
我喜欢《电子情书》 I love "You've Got Mail."
- 那是诺拉·艾芙伦拍的 笨蛋 - 我知道 - That's Nora Ephron, you idiot. - I know.
等等 等等 Wait, hold up.
在十四小时之内策划一场那样的婚礼 Planning a wedding like that in 14 hours would be
肯定是史上最强的组织能力挑战 the greatest organizational challenge in history.
你们打算怎么做呢 How are you gonna do it?
其实我是希望你能做得到 I was kinda hoping you would.
我就想着该给你们的婚礼 I thought I was supposed to get you guys
准备一份厚礼的嘛 the wedding present!
- 这事包在我身上 - 好姐妹 - Of course I will! - That's my girl.
好了 All right.
听着各位 Listen up, people.
接下来的十四个小时会如地狱一般 The next 14 hours are gonna be hell,
不过最终你们会欣慰地发现 but in the end you will have the satisfaction
自己的人生中总算做成了一件 of knowing that you've finally done something worthwhile
- 如此有意义的事情 - 我觉得 - with your lives. - I kinda think
- 咱们的警务工作其实... - 别说话 - the police work we do... - Eh-eh-eh!
我可没空打击你 警长 I don't have time to stroke your damn ego, Sergeant.
开始准备婚礼吧 Let's make a wedding!
嘿 杰克 Hey, Jake.
你得帮我一个有关婚礼的忙 I need a wedding favor.
没问题 什么都行 Of course. Anything.
除了让我把人弄死 或者弄残 Except killing someone, or maiming someone,
或者违法乱纪 或者当众裸奔 or breaking the law in any way, or nudity.
而且我也不喜欢起太早 Also I don't like waking up super early in the morning...
你还是直说到底要什么吧 you know what, why don't you just tell me what you want?
好 我要去趟纽约的诺伊施塔特 Cool, I need to go to Neustadter, New York.
我要去赎回一副跑路之前 I gotta pick up a pair of ruby earrings I pawned
典当的红宝石耳坠 before I went into hiding.
开车去诺伊施塔特要六个小时 Neustadter's like six hours away.
我觉得咱们来回一趟可能来不及 I'm not so sure we can get there and back in time.
杰克 没有耳坠没法结婚 Jake, there's no wedding without the earrings.
我奶奶就是戴着它们结的婚 My grandmother wore them on her wedding day,
她说能保佑婚姻圆满 and said they blessed her union.
你希望我们的婚姻圆满吧 杰克 Do you want this union to be blessed, Jake?
还是说你希望我们的婚姻不圆满呢 Or do you want this union to be friggin' unblessed?
当然是圆满 妥妥滴圆满 交给我吧 Blessed, totally blessed. I'll do it, it's fine.
但我先提醒你 我的车相当垃圾 But I should warn you, my car is a piece of junk
- 总是半路熄火 - 啊 不会的 - and it's always breaking down. - Ah, come on!
老天爷不会让两个至交好友碰上任何麻烦的 The universe isn't gonna let anything bad happen to two best friends...
除非我们遇到惨烈车祸 unless we're in a fiery crash,
尸体被烧得亲妈都认不出来 and our bodies are burned beyond recognition.
唔 吉娜那儿有糖豆呢 Ooh, Gina's got jelly beans!
皮门托 不行 Pimento, no.
- 不乖 - 对不起 吉娜 - Bad. - Sorry, Gina.
真是太厉害了 That was amazing.
他还真听你的话 He actually listens to you.
嘿 你得跟我们一起去 Hey, you should come with us on this trip.
以防他突然 You know, in case he starts acting...
- 发起疯来 - 对 - Bat crap loony tunes. - Yes.
你可以用自己的能力让他安分下来 You can use your powers to keep him in check.
- 是啊 人们都怕我 - 嗯 - Yeah, people fear me. - Mm.
我现在不是你上司的唯一理由 The only reason I'm not your boss right now
就是我不想让霍尔特也怕我 is 'cause I'd hate to do that to Holt.
- 他自尊心很强的 - 而且你也不是警察 - He needs this. - And also you're not a cop.
而你也不像《嘻哈帝国》里的哪个角色 Well, you're not the basis of a character on "Empire,"
杰克 但我可不会这么天天刺激你 Jake, but I don't throw that in your face every damn day.
- 那你到底跟不跟我们去 - 我跟你们去 - So you will come with us? - Yeah, I'll be there.
- 你真爷们 - 再见 大妹子 - You da man! - Bye, girl!
我们车上见 姑娘 See ya in the car, girl.
好了 先说好消息 Okay. First, the good news.
我以三十秒为一个增量 I've generated a detailed timeline broken down
整理了一下时间线 以便规划筹备进度 into 30-second increments to keep us on track.
坏消息是 我们已经比计划 The bad news: we're already 16.5 increments
- 落后十六个半增量了 - 天呐 - behind schedule. - Oh, man.
泰瑞感觉不堪重负了 Terry feels overwhelmed.
很好 利用它 Good! Use it!
尼尔·阿姆斯特朗登上月球时也不堪重负 Neil Armstrong was overwhelmed when he walked on the Moon,
但你猜怎么着 but you know what he did?
他还是在月球上漫步了 He walked on the Moon!
查尔斯 你负责准备食物 Charles, you're in charge of food.
从我遇到吉纳维芙的那天起 I've been planning a nuptial menu
我就开始准备婚宴菜单了 since the day I met Genevieve.
警告你们哦 菜肴会十分美味又让人欲火焚身 Warning, it will be delicious and highly erotic.
你的菜单里不会有动物生殖器吧 Your menu is not gonna involve animal genitalia, is it?
不 我要做的... 不是那个 No, I was gonna make... not that.
泰瑞 妆发就交给你了 Terry, you're on hair and makeup.
我见过你给女儿梳的辫子 I've seen your little girls' pigtails,
我知道你可以的 so I know you can do it.
要论梳辫子 我可比她们妈妈更受欢迎 They actually prefer my hair work to their mommy's.
我爱她们的小脑袋 I love their little heads.
泰瑞 怎么了 Terry, what's going on, man?
早晚有一天我也会在她们的婚礼上 It's just a matter of time before I'm doing their hair
给她们梳头发 at their weddings.
时间过得太快了 她们还只是孩子 It goes so fast. They're still babies!
控制一下情绪 杰佛德 Pull it together, Jeffords!
斯库利和希区柯克 你们安排座位 Scully and Hitchcock, you're in charge of seating.
明智之举 艾米 我被称为是 Smart move, Amy. I've been called
坐着不动界的达芬奇 the Leonardo da Vinci of sitting on my ass.
非常好 Great.
警监 你可以跟我一起布置现场 And, Captain, you can help me decorate.
任你差遣 告诉我要做什么就行 I'm at your disposal, just tell me what to do.
我就是来让你的梦想成真的 I'm here to implement your vision.
好吧 只要高雅一点就行 Well, we just wanna keep it classy.
明白了 气球拱门 Got it. Balloon arch.
- 什么 - 什么都别说了 交给我吧 - What? - Say no more, it's done.
我这就去最近的气球商店看看 I'm off to the nearest balloon store.
好吧 罗莎 Okay, Rosa.
你去办公室 喝点贝里尼 You go to the office, have a couple bellinis,
- 然后放松一下 - 贝里尼是什么 - and just relax. - What's a Bellini?
桃子汁加香槟 Peach juice and champagne.
桃子汁加香槟 你以为我多大 六岁吗 Peach juice and champagne? What am I, six?
别这样 尝试一下 Come on, just try it.
南希·迈耶斯也会喜欢的 It's what Nancy Meyers would drink.
好吧 为了南希 Fine. For Nancy.
真是个大喜的日子 你感觉如何 兄弟 So, big day. How you feeling, buddy?
挺好的 还有点晕 Good, giddy.
我以前从来没有这样的感觉 I've never felt giddy before.
我才发现原来和饿昏头的感觉这么像 Didn't realize how close it was to hungry.
其实有可能你就是饿了 You know, it's possible you're just hungry.
- 你最后一次吃东西是什么时候 - 呃 三天前 - When's the last time you ate? - Uh, three days ago?
- 哈 - 要结婚了兴奋吗 - Ah. - You excited for being married?
当然 我爱罗莎 Yeah! I love Rosa.
我已经等不及要把舌头伸进她的耳朵 I can't wait to just jam my tongue in her earholes,
再啃掉她的头发了 and eat the hair off her head.
- 幸福得要晕了 - 哇 真甜蜜 - Hoo! I'm giddy. - Aw, that's cute.
好了 我们要找史密斯大街381号 All right, we're looking for 381 Smith Street.
应该就在附近 It should be up here.
希望你的耳坠还在那里 Hopefully they still have your earrings.
你确定我们要找的是381号吗 You sure we're looking for 381?
因为381号看起来摇摇欲坠 'Cause 381's looking a little crispy.
不 店被烧毁了 Oh, no. It burned down.
怎么会这样 How did this happen?
没关系 不会有事的 Uh, it's okay. Everything's gonna be fine.
我们会想到办法的 好吗 We'll think of something, all right?
不 Nope!
这是上天的指示 This is a sign from the universe.
我不能娶罗莎 I can't marry Rosa.
朋友们 婚礼取消了 Guys, the wedding's off.
天哪 不 不 不 Oh, no, no, no!
就这样了 我们不能结婚了 That's it! We're not getting married.
- 全完蛋了 - 别这样 - This is a disaster. - Come on.
不就是一对耳坠吗 I mean, they're just earrings, right?
我们可以再找一副 或者做一对新的 We can get another pair, or we could make some new ones.
我们只需要找一个铁匠 All we need is, like, a blacksmith.
或者一个熔炉 一个熔炼人 应该不是这么称呼的 Or a smelter... A smelt man. That can't be right.
重点是你还是可以结婚 The point is you can still married.
不 杰克 你不明白 No, Jake. You don't understand.
上天给了我一个提示 The universe is sending me a sign.
老天爷要说什么 我必须听 And when the universe talks, I listen!
好吧 我个人是不怎么相信预兆什么的 所以 Well, I personally don't even really believe in signs, so...
你说什么 那你可以去死了 What? Then you deserve to die.
- 哈 - 预兆是真的 - Ah... - The sign was real.
如果我忽略它 执意要娶罗莎 If I ignore it and marry Rosa anyway,
我还不如直接求老天爷让我断子绝孙好了 I'm basically asking the universe to stomp on my balls.
好吧 说得好 Okay, good point.
嘿 吉娜 我现在需要你的帮助 Hey, Gina, I could use your help here.
你要发表一下你的看法吗 You wanna maybe weigh in on this one?
当然 Yeah, sure.
你说得对 这段婚姻是被诅咒的 You're right. The marriage is cursed.
你说什么 不 你站错队了 What? No! You weighed in wrong.
对不起 杰克 这是一种预兆 I'm sorry, Jake, it's an omen.
我不会站在你这边和上天作对的 And I'm not taking your side against the universe's.
- 老天爷已经好几百岁了 - 那如果 - It's hundred of years old. - What if there was something
上天要表明你还是应该结婚呢 in the universe that could prove to you that you
那会是什么预兆呢 should still get married? What would that be?
找到他祖母的耳坠 Finding his grandma's earrings.
或者我们可以把罗莎的耳朵割掉 Or we could cut Rosa's ears off, and then it's like
那样就不需要耳坠了 the earrings don't even make sense.
太谢谢你了 至少还有人在帮忙 Thank you! Someone's trying to help.
好吧 所以还是要找耳坠 Okay, so the earrings.
或许有人在当铺烧毁之前 Maybe somebody bought them
把它们买走了 对吗 before the place burned down, right?
我们可以追查一下 We could track 'em down.
看这里 And lookee here.
我找到了当铺老板的名字 这是好消息 对吗 I just got the owner's name. That's good, right?
好吧 可能还是有一点希望的 Okay, maybe there is a little bit of hope.
你说得太对了 You're damn right there is.
去他的老天爷 Suck it, universe!
- 你疯了吗 - 你为什么要说那种话 - Are you crazy? - Why would you even say that?
搞什么 哥们 Come on, man!
椅子准备得如何了 伙计们 How are the chairs coming, guys?
嘘 我们正在工作 Shh. We're working!
- 这张椅子不错 - 好的 - This one's good. - Okay.
所以我们就选那张椅子了吗 So we'll go with that one?
不 我只是说还不错 但我没说它合适 No, I said it was good. I didn't say it was right.
哇 你们真的很认真 Wow, you're taking this really seriously.
艾米 来尝尝这个面糊 Amy, will you taste this batter?
嗯 Mm-hmm.
嗯... 我觉得味道有点不对劲 Hmm... I think it's a little off.
你知道不对劲的是什么吗 是你的嘴 You know what's off? Your mouth!
杰克怎么会让你愚蠢的舌头接近他 Why Jake lets your stupid tongue anywhere near him,
我真是想不明白 I'll never know.
不对 我忘记放糖了 是我的错 Nope, I forgot the sugar. That's on me.
哇 你真的做了一个气球拱门 Whoa, you really made the balloon arch.
做 不 这是我的亲生骨肉 Made? No. I birthed her.
没有什么能比拱门更高雅 There's no form more graceful than the arch,
没有什么能比气球更奇幻 no object more whimsical than the balloon.
没错 我们都是这样认为的 但是 Yes, you and I think that, but...
罗莎会怎么想呢 what will Rosa think?
这是一个很好的问题 Good point.
罗莎会想要一个更大的气球拱门 Rosa would want a much, much bigger balloon arch.
我再去一趟气球商店 Back to the balloon store.
呃 艾米 我们有麻烦了 Uh, Amy? We've got a problem.
- 怎么了 - 罗莎喝醉了 - What? - Rosa's drunk.
罗莎 不 怎么会 Rosa? No. How?
贝里尼万岁 Bellinis rule!
南希·迈耶斯 你再次征服了我 你这个小贱人 Nancy Meyers, you've done it again, you saucy bitch.
我最后说一次 你的耳坠不在我这里 For the last time, I don't have your earrings.
它们没逃过那场大火 They didn't survive the fire.
哦 不 这真的太糟糕了 Aw, no, this is really bad.
话别说太早 我是说 也许上天 Well, not necessarily. I mean, maybe the universe
让其他的东西得以保全了呢 allowed something else to survive, you know?
- 比如幸运兔脚 - 我觉得你可能不明白 - Like a rabbit's foot. - I don't think you understand
- 典当行是做什么生意的 - 我觉得是你 - how pawn shops work. - I don't think you understand
搞不清楚吧 你的店都被烧毁了 how they work. Yours burned down!
很遗憾你遭受了损失 I'm so sorry you lost everything.
我只是太激动了 不 请不要这样 I'm just really worked up. No, please don't!
好吧 所以 Okay, so...
我知道现在好像又失去希望了 I know that seemed like a little bit of a dead end.
耳坠就在她手上 She's got the earrings.
- 是吗 - 她偷走了所有东西 - She does? - She stole all the merch,
然后烧毁了店铺 and then burned down the store.
她戴着一条我典当给他们的项链 She was wearing a necklace that I also pawned there.
天啊 一个接一个的预兆 Oh, snap! Signs on signs on signs!
你确定是同一条项链吗 Are you sure it's the same necklace?
没错 杰克 我曾经把它 Uh, yeah, Jake. I once punched it
打穿过一个人的喉咙 所以我非常确定 through a guy's throat, so I'm pretty sure
- 我没记错 - 是我错了 - I remember it. - I stand corrected.
好吧 我打给当地警方 All right, I'm gonna call the local police
- 要一张搜查令 - 哦 那太麻烦了 - and get a warrant. - Oh, don't bother.
我们只要踢开门 拿回属于我的东西就行了 Let's just kick down the door, and take back what's mine.
不 不 不 那不是个好主意 No! No, no, no. That's a bad idea.
他是对的 就用那个格子架吧 He's right. Just use the lattice.
楼上的窗户开着呢 The upstairs window's open.
- 不行 - 好主意 - No! - Nice!
- 你干嘛呀 - 我在努力 - What are you doing? - I'm trying to make
让婚礼顺利举行 倒是你在干嘛 this wedding happen. What are you doing?
我在努力让我们不用坐牢 Trying to keep us out of prison.
算了 我自己跟他说吧... You know what, forget it. I'll just deal with him myself...
不好 他已经爬上屋顶了 nope, he's already on the roof.
好样的 哥们 棒棒哒 Aha! Yeah, dog! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
- 罗莎 怎么回事 - 不好意思 - Rosa, what happened? - Sorry.
我不知道喝香槟也会醉 I didn't know you could drunk off champers.
- 明明一半都是气泡嘛 - 别担心 艾米 - I mean, it's half bubbles. - Don't worry, Amy.
我来处理 我是醒酒专家 I got this. I'm a master at sobering up.
- 你确定吗 - 我二十多岁的时候 - Are you sure? - Uh, you don't go
每周末都去文艺复兴主题游乐园 to the Renaissance Faire every weekend in your 20s
不可能不会处理喝蜂蜜酒引起的酒醉 without learning how to handle your mead.
太好了 谢谢 查尔斯 Great. Thanks, Charles.
没事 Mm-hmm.
查尔斯 我今天要结婚了 Charles, I'm getting married today.
是啊是啊 Yes, you are.
而我要确保你在婚礼时保持清醒 And I'm gonna make sure you are sober when that happens.
现在我只需要一些辣椒 Now I just need cayenne pepper
- 和马奶 - 结婚太棒了 - and some horse milk. - Marriage is the best.
你跟吉纳维芙怎么还不结婚 Hey, how come you and Genevieve aren't married?
- 情况很复杂 - 才不 - You know, it's complicated. - No, it's not.
很简单的 你把她带过来 It's easy. Bring her down here.
- 我们一起结婚吧 - 是啊 - We'll all get married! - Yeah, right.
- 她不想结婚 - 听起来真是... - She doesn't want that. - Whoa, that sounds...
不不不 不是 No, no, no, no, no, no.
不不 停 打住 No, no, no. Uh-uh, no, no.
我们一切都好 Everything's great with us.
如果我说了算的话 我们早就结婚了 I mean, if it was up to me, we'd get hitched,
可是她上一段婚姻结束得很糟糕 所以... but she had a really bad divorce, so...
抱歉 你难过吗 Oh, I'm sorry. Does that upset you?
不难过 我好得很 I'm good! Yeah, I'm good!
我好难过 I'm so sad.
我很爱她 I love her so much.
我好想跟她的翘臀结婚 I wanna marry her butt so bad.
- 敬吉纳维芙的翘臀 - 敬吉纳维芙的翘臀 - To Genevieve's butt! - To Genevieve's butt!
你看这些鬼东西 看啊 我早就跟你们说 Look at all this crap. See, I told you.
他们把典当品都偷走 然后烧了自家的店 They took all their merchandise, and burned their store.
这真是个馊主意 我们应该马上离开 This is a bad idea. We should leave now.
什么 不 我们要做的 What? No. All we're gonna do
应该是找到耳坠 is find the earrings,
然后让这地方葬身于复仇之火中 and then light this place on fire for revenge.
快看 雨声器 Check it out! Rainstick.
- 我要拿走 - 不许拿 - Keeping it. - No, you're not.
- 这是犯罪 - 不对 - That is a crime. - Untrue.
只要你偷了东西 Once you steal something,
你的东西就都不归你所有了 none of your stuff belongs to you.
- 我也听过这个说法 - 瞎说 - I've heard that too. - No, you haven't.
根本没有这说法 放下 No one has. Put that down.
好吧 Okay.
吉娜 做贼也安静点吧 Gina! Be a quieter robber!
是你叫我放下的 But you told me to put it down.
你好 我们之前见过的 Hi, we met earlier.
你们闯进了我家 You're breaking into my house?
没准是你闯进了我们的家 Or are you breaking into our house?
- 就是 - 蒂诺 有贼 蒂诺 - Yeah. - Dino! Robbers! Dino!
我找到耳坠了 Aha! I found the earrings!
蒂诺 快上来 Dino! Get up here!
好呀 蒂诺 快来呀 Yeah, Dino! Get in here!
好让你看着我烧了你家房子 So you can watch me light your house on fire!
行了 各位 都冷静 Whoa! Okay, everybody, just keep it cool.
大家都淡定沉着冷静 Everybody be chilly chill chill.
我要割掉你们的脸皮 I am gonna slice your face off!
这就不冷静咯 蒂诺 Not chill, Dino.
让我进去 你们这群混账东西 Let me in there, you sons of bitches!
等等 等一下 Wait, wait!
那个格子架撑不住我们三人的重量 The trellis won't hold all three of us at the same time.
英明 Smart.
太过瘾了 我好喜欢当警察哦 That was awesome! I love being a police officer!
这完全跟警察的工作背道而驰 That was the opposite of being a police officer.
- 我们刚刚是在抢劫 - 那人先抢的我们 - We just robbed somebody. - Who robbed us!
宇宙又重回正轨了 宝贝 The universe is back on track, baby!
我们把祖母的耳坠拿回来了 We got grandma's earrings back!
还有雨声器 And the rainstick!
- 这个你要还回去的 - 当然当然 - Which you will be returning. - Uh, sure I will.
路况怎么样 How are we doing on traffic?
- 一路畅通 - 那就好 - Green all the way. - All right, looks like
看来我们还真是能及时参加婚礼了 we're actually gonna make it in time for this wedding.
感恩 老天爷 Thank you, universe.
感恩你对这场婚姻的保佑 Thank you for blessing this marriage.
好了 我知道你们在想什么 Okay, I know what you're thinking,
但这不是征兆 but this is not a sign.
我只需踩两下油门 然后重新发动车子就行 I just have to pump the gas twice, and turn it back on.
这种情况很常见的 This happens all the time.
糟了 Oh, boy.
这种情况以前没见过 大家赶紧下车 This has never happened before. Everybody out!
这是我这辈子最背的一天 This is the worst day of my life.
上天就是不想让我娶罗莎 The universe doesn't want me to marry Rosa.
听着 会没事的 Look, it's gonna be fine.
我们会把车修好 及时赶回去的 We'll get the car fixed and make it back in time.
吉娜 拖车什么时候到 Gina, when's the tow truck getting here?
不清楚 我正在跟我的灵魂导师通话 No idea, I'm talking to my spiritual advisor.
他说我们遇到了发动机上的问题 He says we have an engine problem.
还用说吗 不然我叫拖车干嘛 Yeah, I know, that's why I said call a tow truck!
那你的意思是我的灵魂导师是正确的咯 So you meant my spiritual advisor is right?
同志们 这都怪我 在典当行注定被烧毁时 Guys! This is my fault. I should've just given up
我就应该放弃了 好吧 when fate burned down the pawn shop, okay?
傻艾德里安 蠢艾德里安 Stupid Adrian. Stupid Adrian!
- 白痴 听从征兆呀 - 够了 - Idiot! Read the signs! - Enough!
我受够了这些封建迷信 好吗 I'm so sick of this garbage, all right?
你们俩都给我打住 The two of you need to stop
不许再到处找征兆了... 老天 指示牌 looking for signs everywhere... oh, my God, a sign.
他会开飞机 螺旋桨飞机 Whoo! He can fly! Prop planes!
你可以飞了 可以飞了 You can fly, you can fly!
我是上天旨意的传达者 I'm a vessel for the universe.
椅子相当好看 Wow. The chairs look amazing.
难以置信 我今天最头疼的竟然不是你们俩 I can't believe you two aren't my biggest problem today.
不是我们吗 那是谁 We're not? Who is?
我的气球拱门 美翻了吧 My arch. Isn't she beautiful?
竟然有人在我面前翻白眼却不是冲着我的 I got eye-rolled to, not about!
当皮门托凝视着罗莎 While Pimento stares at Rosa,
我们大家都会凝视着... 这位美人 we'll all be staring at... her.
- 说得没错 - 她真是美到让人窒息 - Yes, we will. - She's truly breathtaking.
这句话有两层意思 There's a double meaning to that.
这些气球里装满了人吹的气 The breath that it takes to inflate all those balloons.
当然我用的是手持打气筒 不过这个梗还是能用上的 Of course I used the hand pump, but the bon mot still works.
不 出什么事了 Oh, no! What's happening?
谁快告诉我出什么事了 Someone tell me what's happening.
我又有更糟的消息了 I got some more bad news.
这玩意儿还真大 Oh, wow. That thing's huge.
罗莎不是想要高雅一点吗 Didn't Rosa want things to be classy?
她是要结婚 不是冲刺马拉松 I mean, she's getting married, not finishing a marathon.
一个梳头的有什么资格说 So says the hair guy.
别多管闲事 混球 对吧 桑提亚戈 Stay in your lane, bucko. Right, Santiago?
拱门难看死了 对不起 The arch sucks! I'm sorry.
我本来不想说的 因为您是我上司 I didn't want to say anything because you're my boss
而且您又那么兴奋 可事实上 and you were so excited, but the truth is every time
每次看到那道拱门我都想死 还想拉上你垫背 I look at it I wanna die and take you with me.
真希望你在我花了一整天功夫之前 Well, I wish you'd said something
就跟我说这番话 before I spent all day making it.
当然了 你是不想... Of course, you didn't want to...
"打破我的美梦"[弄破我的气球] 又是句双关语哦 "Burst my bubble." Pun intended.
可是最终... 你还是打破了 And then... you did.
别管拱门了 查尔斯弄不醒罗莎 Forget the arch! Charles didn't sober up Rosa.
- 她倒把他灌醉了 - 不是吧 - She got him drunk! - Oh, no.
他醉到什么程度 How drunk is he?
还记得《芭蕾人生》被砍的那天晚上吗 Remember the night they cancelled "Bunheads"?
- 完蛋了 - 没事 - We're ruined. - It's fine.
我会处理的 你已经够忙了 I'll handle it. You got your hands full.
是啊 Yeah.
这个是十八份意式特浓咖啡 This is just 18 shots of espresso.
我家双胞胎刚出生那三个月 我就是靠这个熬过来的 It got me through the first three months of having twins,
不过我估计也能让你们清醒起来的 but I imagine it'll sober you up too.
他在照顾你哦 Aww, he's taking care of you.
真是个好父亲 Such a good father.
我想我父亲了 Ugh, I miss my father.
我也曾经是爸爸的小棉袄 可后来我们再也不联系了 I used to be daddy's little girl, but we never talk anymore.
- 不是吧 - 最后都是这样的 - You don't? - That's what happens.
人一长大 跟父亲的感情就变得... You grow up, your bond with your dad goes...
不 不全是这种情况 No, it doesn't always happen.
那些奉献了自己的父亲就不会遭遇这种事 All right, not to special daddies who put the time in.
他会给孩子们说故事 扎小马尾 You know, read them stories, do their little pigtails.
真的吗 警长 Really, Sarge?
你以为我小时候是谁帮我扎辫子的 Who do you think used to do my pigtails?
为什么她们一定要长大呢 Why can't they stay babies forever?
贝里尼解千愁 Berlini!
- 干杯 - 干杯 - Bellini! - Bellini!
真的很吓人 Okay, this is very scary,
不过没关系 你是个受过训练的驾驶员 but it's okay, because you're a trained pilot.
我才不是 我是自学的 No, I'm not. I'm self-taught.
- 啥 - 没错 - What? - Oh, yeah.
这年头什么都能在网上学 You can learn anything online.
你应该看看我的折纸 Ooh, you should see me do origami.
你会折青蛙吗 Oh, do you know how to do a frog?
不会 Oh, no!
- 天鹅呢 - 不会 - Can you do a swan? - No.
- 鹤呢 - 鹤是什么东西啊 - Can you do a crane? - What's a crane?
好吧 这家伙压根就不会开飞机 Okay, he does not know how to fly a plane.
好了 餐点准备妥当 会场也已经布置完毕 All right, food is ready, decorations are set,
客人随时都有可能会到 guests should start arriving any moment,
椅子还是那么完美 and the chairs are still perfection.
她说椅子很完美 我太为你感到骄傲了 兄弟 She said they're perfection. I'm so proud of you, buddy.
多亏了你 是你成就了这一切 It was you. You made this happen.
好了 我们让罗莎来看看吧 All right! Let's show Rosa what we got.
等等 罗莎在哪 Wait. Where is Rosa?
条子来了 Narc.
我早就说你不该喝酒 And that's why you shouldn't drink.
喝得醉醺醺的最讨厌了 Being drunk sounds terrible.
哈喽 艾米 我才看到你来了 Hello, Amy, I didn't see you there.
- 婚礼怎么样了 - 泰瑞 - How did the wedding go? - Terry!
搞什么 你不是说你要 What the hell, man? You said you were gonna
- 把他们弄清醒吗 - 都怪她 - sober them up. - It was her fault.
我绝不会让我的姑娘们长大后被臭男人玷污 My girls are never gonna grow up and lose their virginity.
我的处子之身献给了 I lost my V-card to the woman
帮我奶奶充氧气瓶的那个女人 that refilled Nana's oxygen tanks.
她的双手因为常常拧阀门而力量非凡 Her hands were so strong from turning the nozzles.
这简直是满屋子的噩梦 This is a room of nightmares.
你才是噩梦 You're the nightmare.
你逼我杀害了我的气球宝宝 You made me kill my balloon baby.
看看我这样子 Look at me.
醉到连个像样的头韵都做不出来 So drunk, I'm alliterating like a beatnik.
行了 所有人都给我马上出去 Okay, everybody outside now!
先说清楚 这都是你们自找的 Just know that you brought this on yourselves.
等等等等 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
我们去睡一觉清醒一下行吗 Can't we just go to sleep for a winker?
现在讲条件已经晚了 We're way past winkers.
斯库利 希区柯克 开冻 Scully, Hitchcock, bring the frost.
不 No!
你们俩做得不错 Nice job, you two.
我们今天太厉害了 We are nailing it today!
嘿 我们回来了 Hey! We're back.
皮门托拿到耳坠了 客人也陆续到场了 Pimento's got the earrings, guests are arriving...
- 你们在做什么 - 让这些小丑清醒清醒 - What the hell are you doing? - Sobering these clowns up.
好了 都回去换衣服 All right, everyone go get dressed.
你绝对想不到我今天 You would not believe
- 是怎么过的 - 彼此彼此 姐们 - the day I've had. - You and me both, sister.
罗莎喝得烂醉 而且每次 Rosa got drunk, and then every time
我找人去劝她 她就把那个人也灌醉 I sent someone in to help her, she got them drunk too!
感觉她好像想把这事搅黄一样 It's like she was trying to tank this thing.
是啊 皮门托今天也三次想要取消婚礼 Yeah, well, Pimento called off the wedding three times
说是什么老天爷不允许 because of the universe.
要不是我这么了解他们 我肯定还以为他们不想结婚呢 If I didn't know them any better, I'd think they don't even wanna get married.
他们不想结婚 They don't wanna get married!
好吧 看样子他们都不想结婚 Okay, so it seems like they don't wanna get married.
可是我们有资格对此发表看法吗 But is it even our place to say something?
- 这不合适吧 - 对 - No, right? - Right!
这是他们自己的决定 不管是好是坏 It's their decision, even if it's a bad one.
大不了以后再离 They could always get divorced.
大家都喜欢离婚 我父母也离婚了 People love getting divorced! My parents got divorced,
也不过就是对我们的家庭造成难以愈合的伤害罢了 and all it did was scar our family for years and years.
- 我们必须说点什么 - 对 - We have to say something. - Yeah.
我大概明白为什么说气球拱门 I suppose I can see how a balloon arch
- 有些夸张了 - 是啊 当然 - might've been a little too much. - Oh, yeah, for sure.
不 你应该说 No, you're supposed to say,
"这场婚礼看起来烂透了" "This wedding looks like garbage."
这场婚礼看起来烂透了 This wedding looks like garbage.
不 不 只要新人满意就好 No, no. As long as the bride's happy.
大家好啊 婚礼目前一切顺利 Hey there, everyone. Great wedding so far, right?
接下来 我们要暂停一小会 Uh, next up, we're gonna take a quick break,
每场婚礼都会这样的 不过这段时间 which happens at every wedding, but in the meantime,
我们来点助兴节目怎么样 how about a little entertainment?
伯耶尔 你的魔棍带了吗 Boyle? You got your devil sticks?
从未离身 Always.
- 嘿 艾德里安 - 嗯 - Hey, Adrian. - Yeah.
- 我们得谈谈 - 是吗 现在吗 - We gotta talk. - Really? Right now?
我正在练习誓词 嘿 I'm working on my vows. Hey!
有什么词和"翘臀"押韵吗 What rhymes with juicy heinie?
没有 没有词能押这种韵 Nothing. Nothing rhymes with that.
- 我会删掉这句话的 - 可我没准备别的 - I would cut that line. - But that's all I have.
算了 我想说的是 Forget it. The thing I wanna say is,
或许今天并不是宇宙在向你警示什么 maybe the universe wasn't telling you stuff today.
或许是你的内心在警示你 Maybe you were telling yourself something.
- 警示我什么 - 是啊 警示他什么 - Telling myself what? - Yeah, tell himself what?
- 你在这里做什么 - 我也是这场旅途的参与者 - What are you doing here? - I'm a part of this journey.
你怎么敢把我撇在一旁 Don't you dare try to cut me out.
哇 你真是太美了 Wow, you look beautiful.
谢了 艾米 Thanks, Amy.
我现在超级紧张 I'm super nervous.
- 真希望自己还没清醒过来 - 好吧 - Kinda wish I was still drunk. - Yeah.
说到这个 我们应该谈谈 About that... I think we should talk.
为什么 Why?
你带贝里尼来了吗 Are you packing a Bellini?
听着 我今天一整天都在否认 Look, I spent the whole day denying the fact
有预兆这种东西 但我错了 that there were signs, but I was wrong.
- 其实是有的 - 那当然了 - They were actually there. - So far, duh.
因为你老是想取消自己的婚礼... The fact that you kept cancelling your own wedding...
- 这就是真正的预兆 - 哇 - that was the real sign. - Whoa!
你不光开了窍 而且还掌控了局面 You took the situation, and you flippity-flopped it.
我觉得你喝醉不是意外 I don't think it was an accident that you got drunk,
你把别人灌醉也不是 or that you got everyone else drunk.
什么 你觉得我在破坏我自己的婚礼吗 What? You think I'm trying to sabotage my own wedding?
我不知道 是吗 I don't know. Were you?
也许是的 Maybe I was.
我不知道 总觉得哪里有些不对劲 I don't know, something just doesn't feel right.
天啊 我得跟艾德里安谈谈 Oh, man, I gotta talk to Adrian.
我就是我自己的预兆 I was my own sign the whole time?
哇 这也太像奈特·沙马兰的风格 Wow, that's a real M. Night Shyamalan twist the...
噢 《天兆》 oh! "Signs"!
等等 你是不是觉得这都是他搞的鬼 Wait, do you think he's behind all of this?
并不是 I do not.
我应该跟罗莎谈谈 I should go talk to Rosa.
谢了 杰克 Thanks, Jake.
杰克 你做得很棒 Jake, you done good, kid.
还好我带你一起去了 Glad I took you along for the ride.
好了 掌声谢谢查尔斯 All right, give it up for Charles.
掌声应该献给我的魔棍 No, give it up for the devil sticks.
- 他们才是真正的英雄 - 并不是 - They're the real heroes here. - No, they are not.
没人这么想 No one thinks that.
好了 我不知道还要等多久 不过有人想讲笑话吗 All right, I'm not sure how much time we have, but anybody know a joke?
我来 Oh, I do!
- 两个犹太人走进... - 打住 坐下 - Two Jews walk into a... - No! Sit down!
不行 这个绝对不行 No, definitely not. Oh!
好了 我们要宣布一件事 All right, we have an announcement to make.
我们不结婚了 We're not getting married.
把你们的哀嚎都给我憋回去 You can shove those "Awws" Up your butts.
没错 不然我就亲自过去 Yeah, or I'll come out there,
帮你们闭上嘴 and I'll do it for ya!
多有趣的婚礼啊 What an interesting event.
我只是觉得我们有些操之过急了 I just feel like we were rushing things.
我们彼此相爱 We love each other,
但却没有多少时间与对方相处 but we haven't even really spent that much time together.
我们甚至都没有好好约会过 We've never even been on a real date,
所以我们打算开始一步步来 so we're gonna start there.
安静 Shut up!
谢谢你们的礼物 我们会留下的 Thank you for the presents. We're keeping them.
全都留下 - 没错 如果谁有意见 All of them. - Yeah, if you got a problem with it,
来停车场我们好好聊聊 come talk to us in the parking lot.
以及 谢谢艾米在十四小时内 Also, in just 14 hours Amy put together
筹备了这场史上最棒的没结婚的婚礼 the most amazing non-wedding wedding in history.
至少比《西雅图夜未眠》好 Better than "Sleepless in Seattle."
不 那也是诺拉·艾芙伦的电影 Nope. That is also Nora Ephron.
- 去死吧 - 别放在心上 - Kill yourself. - Don't take it personally.
不管怎样 既然准备好了就别浪费 Anyway, we can't let all this go to waste.
大家起来把椅子都扔出去 Everybody, clear these chairs out of here, and let's get
- 开始狂欢吧 - 不行 别碰椅子 - this party started. - No, not the chairs!
不要动椅子 你们这些混蛋 Don't touch the chairs, you monsters!
- 什么事 - 我是想为你昨天来帮忙 - Yeah? - Oh, I just wanted to thank you
- 表示一下感谢 - 我并没帮上什么忙 - for all your help yesterday. - I didn't do much.
没什么好谢的 It was nothing.
- 再见 - 怎么回事 - Good day. - What's going on?
我有很多事要忙 回去工作吧 I'm just very busy. Get back to work.
等等 你在里面藏了什么 Wait. What do you have in there?
气球拱门 A balloon arch.
我的天 警监 Oh, my God, Captain.
这太壮观了 She is magnificent.
老天有眼 Vindication!