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修改一下... Producing better stuff...
你迟到了 还一脸衰相 You're late. And you look like shit.
地球人都知道 I know both of those things already.
玛格丽特·撒切尔一晚上 Margaret Thatcher used to survive on
睡不到四小时 照样精神 less than four hours' sleep a night.
怎么做到的? 移植猴腺 返老还童 How is that possible? Monkey glands.
她是疯子 疯子的需求与众不同 She was mad. Mad people have different needs.
她就住首相府楼上 And she lived above the shop
还不用通勤 so she didn't have to commute.
天 伦敦太大了 God, I mean, London is so big.
不能削除几块吗? Can't we devolve some of it?.
如果我能好好睡上一觉 If I could get one decent night's shut-eye...
哦 休 好好疼疼自己 住部里公寓吧 Well, do yourself a favour and stay in the flat.
我不能对凯特说话不算数 I can't break my promise to Kate.
你真的有空看孩子们吗? Do you actually get to see the children?.
格伦 我没时间做那些 我只能... Glenn, I don't have time for that. All I do...
工作 吃饭 洗澡... 如此这般 I work, I eat, I shower... that's it.
偶尔 And occasionally...
上个大号 都算是享福了 I take a dump, just as a sort of treat.
真的是享福了 I mean, that really is my treat.
到这个地步了 That's what it's come to. That's...
我坐在那儿琢磨 I sit there and I think...
不 我不要读"新政治家周刊" No, I'm not gonna read the New Statesman.
这次只要自己舒服 This time is just for me.
好好爽一把 This is quality time just for me. "
这种正常吗? 悲剧啊 Is that normal?. It's sad.
至少我自己做了决定 At least I've made something.
早上好 大臣 Morning, Secretary of State.
我们的任务很重啊 We've got quite a lot to get through.
我取消了中午诺福克BBC的访谈 I've cancelled that interview for BBC Norfolk.
怎么? Why?.
和两分钟的默哀冲突了 Well, it was gonna clash with the two minutes' silence.
取消得好 如果你不去悼念死人 Good call If you're not remembering the dead
而去谈金斯林的社保诈骗 and talking about benefit fraud in Kings Lynn
那就忒二了 you are gonna look a bit of a dick.
小奥 帮我再来杯咖啡 Olly, could you get me another coffee?.
记得我说的那次吗? Remember what I told you?.
当我在维特罗斯超市上班时? When I was working at Waitrose?.
我记得 还记得吧 Yes. I know. Do you remember that?.
一个普通礼拜天 两分钟默哀时 It was two minutes' silence, ordinary Sunday,
有人跑到广播上喊毒气泄漏了 and somebody went on the Tannoy about a spillage alert.
小报记者就像下水道里的耗子窜了出来 The tabloids were like rats up a drainpipe.
是吗? Were they?.
你能不能... 是泰晤士报 Can you just...?. It's the Times.
把这篇看上一眼 Could you just have a quick look at that?.
跟我有关? 你先看下 Is it about me? Have a read of it first.
我觉得这工作够刺激了 I find this job exciting enough
不需要再脑补了 without injecting artificial suspense.
你可真会勾人欲望 泰莉 You're cock-teasing, Terri,
告诉我这是什么? tell me what it is.
喂 马尔科姆 Hello, Malcolm.
不 他还没 你说什么? No, he hasn't yet. No What?.
他是 对吧? 他就是脑残 谁脑残? He is, isn't he?. He's a prick Who's a prick?.
我是脑残? 对 扯鸡巴蛋 Am I a prick? Yep, rip the ball sack off.
扯谁的蛋? 谁的蛋? Whose ball sack? Whose ball sack?.
谁的鸡巴? Whose balls?.
喂 马尔科姆 Hello, Malcolm.
看过西蒙·辉特那篇玩意没? Have you seen Simon Hewitt's piece?.
我还...还没看完 I haven't quite been through it, er, yet.
你读到他说你 Have you got to the bit
一无所知了吗? where he calls you out of your depth?.
还没 他说我的… No, at the moment he's calling me...
"政治价值如同" the political equivalent of
"乡下印度餐馆的招牌酒" the house wine at a suburban Indian restaurant".
这可不大好是吧? 等下 That's not very good, is it?. Hang on a second.
哦 索然无趣 是的 Ooh, "insipid", yeah.
沉闷乏味 Uninspiring.
天哪 要死 看这里 Christ, that's bad, look at that.
噢 "脱离现实到了自闭的程度" Ooh, "disconnected to the point of autism".
我们会摆平这个贱人的 休 你放心 We're gonna get this tosser, Hugh, don't you worry.
不出月底 就让他滚去"大众体育" He'll be at the Sport, Photoshopping the tits
给肥皂女星PS大胸特辑 of Hollyoaks extras by the end of the month.
我能不能...喂? 他挂了 Can I just... Hello?. No, he's gone.
好事啊 马尔科姆居然会挺我 That's great. Malcolm's backing me.
是吗? 那么 我们怎么应对呢? Yeah? So, how do we respond to this?.
好啦 我们不要和 Right, we don't exchange insults with
西蒙这种烂货互扣屎盆 bloody Simon arsepipes titty-twat.
这真是你粗口的最高境界吗? Is that honestly the best swearing you can come up with?.
这就是桶粪 有人扔过来 This is a bucket of shit. If someone throws shit,
我们就泼回去 "粪战"开始了 we throw shit at them. We start a shit fight.
我们泼回去滔滔屎粪 We throw so much shit back at them
叫他们拾不起来 扔不过来 拉不出来 that they can't pick up shit, throw shit, or do shit.
骂得够水平 干的好 格伦 That's top swearing, Glenn, well done
学着点 这么说我们都觉得 Watch and learn We're all agreed
部门形象要不显得那么… that the department needs to look a bit less...
自闭 没素质 Autistic. -.. badly staffed.
那我们要在今早的决策汇报上 So we need to, at this morning's policy review,
颁布新政策 come up with some sort of new announcement
要更实际 更…时髦 that's a bit more connected, bit more... funky!
时髦 看吧 嗯… Funky. Look, erm...
希望你不至于草率出台政策 I hope you're not gonna just toss off some policy
就为了跟个记者怄气 just to get back at some journalist.
所以 只是换个大房间而已 So, erm, essentially this is just us again
其实还是咱们几个 对吧? but in a bigger room, isn't it?.
少了泰莉 And without Terri.
对 我定了14间会议室 Yeah, I've block-booked 14 meeting rooms.
她不会找到我们的 绝对安全 She'll never find us It's foolproof.
想干点事只能这样 It's the only way to get any work done.
卫生部的克里斯回回这么干 Chris from Health does it all the time.
好吧 开始 核心行业市区廉购房政策 OK, all right, I'll start. There was a key worker policy
我几个月前搞的 I worked up a couple of months ago.
很不错 我们需要找个切入点 Quite like that. We need to find an angle
好角度 A very good angle.
年轻人 你知道人们惧怕年轻一代 Youths. You know?. People are afraid of youths.
比方说我就是 I mean, I know I am.
你拿我找乐? 不 不 开个玩笑 You taking the piss? No. I'm just joshing.
听起来像是拿我开涮 It sounds as though you're taking the piss.
只是个善意的玩笑 没别的意思 It's just good-natured joshing.
你们两个还不闭嘴? Will the two of you just shut up?
我真是善意 I am being good-natured.
闭嘴吧 还有其它路子可走吗? Shut up for a minute, please. Where else can we go?.
污染 环境问题 Pollution, the environment.
垃圾 狗狗粪便 Litter, dog shit.
目标高些 Aiming high.
眼光看太高了 结果踩一脚狗屎 We aimed high, now we're at dog shit.
那你想要什么目标… So what you're looking for...
我们接下来得这么干 This is what we're doing.
我要宣称… 早上好 马尔科姆 I'm putting it about.. Morning, Malcolm.
辉特的那坨废话 .. that Hewitt's piece was a packet of bollocks,
都是帮着克里夫说的 a favour to Cliff.
克里夫是…? 克里夫·劳顿 Cliffbeing...? Cliff Lawton.
休的前任 他和辉特像两瓣屁股那么亲 Hugh's predecessor. He and Hewitt are tight as arse cheeks.
是吗? Are they now?.
鬼知道 我们就这么说 Fuck knows, but that's what we're saying.
私下勾搭 你来我往 It's personal, it's back-slapping,
快搞上断背了 it's borderline homoerotic,
而你 就成了这个新闻界潜规则的牺牲品 and you are the innocent victim of a nasty media stitch-up.
好啊 我会关照你的 OK, right I'm fixing you up
发篇访谈 "我和我的媒体" with a "me and my media" piece
你前女友安吉拉·希尼来写 with your ex Angela Heaney.
这是个绝佳的机会 But it is a perfect opportunity
秀一下你多么与时俱进 to show just how clued up you are, actually.
休叔阿博 时尚一哥 Hughy Abbot, the in-touch guy.
你是潮人 你知道一品脱牛奶的价格 You're on the ball, you know the price of a pint of milk,
你爱看HBO VH1音乐台 皮克斯动画 you love HBO imports, VH1, Pixar,
你迷The Streets(流行歌手) you dig the Streets...
是啊 这些都很不错 Yeah, no, they're all great.
你他妈的根本没听懂 You've got absolutely no fucking idea
我在说什么 对吧? what I'm talking about, do you?.
不 我听懂了 Yeah, yeah, I do.
谁是村里唯一的基佬? (小不列颠) Who's the only gay in the village?.
Eddie Grundy?(广播肥皂剧角色) Eddie Grundy.
我…我不知道 I-I don't know.
不对 他有孩子了 No, he's got children. Mind you,
不过这年头很多基佬都有 外交部的本… a lot of them do, these days. Ben at the Foreign Office...
非主流什么意思? 非...嗯 What's a chav? Ch... Erm...
是…那啥 你肯定知道的 休 It's... erm.. You must know this, Hugh
你知道非主流指什么吗 休? Hugh, what is a chav?
非主流 Chav.
非主流 非主流 光说非主流有啥用 Chav. Chav Just saying "chav" isn't very helpful.
这个非同小可 休 This is important stuff, Hugh. Right.
我们给首相每周做个集锦 We do a weekly digest for the Prime Minister.
浓缩这个礼拜的电视 电影 音乐等等 We boil down the week's television, cinema, music, so on...
时代缩影 没错 时代缩影 The Zeitgeist tapes Exactly. Zeitgeist tape.
"东区人"重点剧情 EastEnders highlights,
真人秀精彩看点 choice bits from the reality shows,
10秒钟音乐录影 ten-second music videos.
天哪 难怪首相总是显得这么与时俱进 God, that's why the PM always looks so clued up.
我还以为他真的兴趣广泛呢 I always though he was genuinely quite with it.
不 他和你一样土老冒 No, he uses phrases like "with it" as well.
我把这个交给泰莉 要去看 记住了? I'm gonna bike that over to Terri. Watch it, OK?.
当你跟安吉拉·希尼访谈时 And when you talk to Angela Heaney,
记得要回击辉特 remember to stick the boot into Hewitt.
我要传出去 他在克里夫的托斯卡纳别墅 I'm putting it about that Cliff offered him
鬼混了两周 搞出那篇东西 two weeks at his Tuscan villa for that piece.
是 遵命 老大 Ten-four, daddy -o
嘿嘿嘿 这不是开玩笑的事 Hey, hey, hey, hey, this is serious.
你有24小时 You have got 24 hours
用"东区人"解决政策问题 明白? to sort out your policy on EastEnders, right?.
不然你等着被放血宰掉吧 Or you're for the halal butchers.
("东区人"的主题音乐) (Theme from "EastEnder")
连他都知道 Even he knows.
泰莉 Terri.
有两个政策供我们选择 说 Two main contenders for our policy decision Right.
第一 调整艺术和音乐的补助资金 Er, we change arts and music policy funding
把大部分的钱投给不良少年 so that we give most of the money to the bad kids,
为他们开设艺术和音乐课程 give them intensive arts and music tuition,
防止他们变成明天的犯罪分子 stop them turning into tomorrow's crims and offenders.
也许你想说说你的…? Perhaps you'd like to outline your...?.
我认为应该砍掉不良少年额外的 I'm for we punish disruptive kids by cutting them
艺术音乐课程 out of extra music and arts tuition.
让他们早点认识胡萝卜和大棒 Show them the carrot and the stick early on.
不良少年 不拨钱 The bad kids, they get no money.
小奥你呢 这些不良少年... And, Olly, the same bad kids, they get...
更要拨钱 More money.
更要拨钱 都要呢? More money They could both play.
根本自相矛盾 They're fundamentally contradictory.
好好 到底要哪一个? So which one should we go with?.
干嘛不都执行 或者都放弃 Why don't you go with both of them or neither of them
或者干脆另起一个 or a different policy?.
你太不负责任了 You're being quite flippant.
你喜欢哪个? 这不是我管的事 Do you have a preference? That's not my role.
我就是个卖苹果的 I sell the apples.
你要我卖苹果 我就卖 If you want me to sell apples, I will.
你要我卖桔子 那我就去外面说 If you want me to sell oranges, I'll go and tell people
苹果烂透了 小奥 烂透了 that the apples are shit, Olly. They're shit.
然后说 "来买我们的桔子吧" I'll say, "Go on, check out our oranges. "
你喜欢哪个? 苹果 还是桔子 Which do you prefer?. Apples or oranges.
苹果 …苹果 Apples Apples.
苹果 谢谢 我知道了 Apples OK. Thank you.
苹果 如果我们花纳税人的钱 Apples If we spend taxpayers' money
叫小流氓们去演什么 putting thugs into productions of
狗屁"樱桃园"(契诃夫) the fucking Cherry Orchard
我们就活该被十字架钉死 we're gonna get crucified, and rightly so.
稍等 泰莉 苹果代表谁 Hang on a second. Terri, which was apples?.
小奥还是格伦? Was Olly apples or was Glenn apples?.
她...她走了 She's... she's gone.
这个话题交给民间讨论组吧 Let's throw this to a focus group.
我去搞个民间讨论组 好好 随你吧 Yeah. Yeah, whatever.
看来 你们就在这儿开秘密会议了 是吧 this is where you've been having secret meetings, is it?.
是 不是 不是 是 Yeah. No No. Yeah.
继续? 我没法跟上这些 Well? I cannot keep abreast of all this.
能帮我做些摘要吗? 行 没问题 Can't you precis some of it for me? Yeah, sure.
剧本的摘要 I'll take a precis of the transcripts
还有媒体评论的摘要 and a precis of the press packs.
能帮我把这个"时代缩影"录影带 Could you precis this for me,
也做个摘要吗? the Zeitgeist tape?.
看看这个 Check this out.
是今早讨论组的录像 This is a tape of this morning's focus group.
她是玛丽 讨论组里的传奇 This is Mary, she is a focus group legend.
玛丽 都叫她玛丽 Mary Mary she's called.
过去12个月里 Everything that she's said in
她在每个讨论组提出的话题 the last 12 months in every focus group
都与核心选民意见一致 has chimed exactly with the core voter.
并且她非常喜欢我的 And she loved my
"心灵与智慧的艺术"政策 arts for hearts and minds policy.
心灵与智慧的艺术? Arts for hearts and minds?
我们是这么叫的 That's what we're calling it.
她还说 格伦 我的主张 And she said, Glenn, that it
对她这种家庭妇女非常受用 chimed brilliantly with stay -at-home mums like her.
她确实是中产阶级的典型代表 是不? And she's really core Middle England, is she?.
绝对的 中产阶级核心 Totally, totally core Middle England.
如果给孩子们机会 If children are put in a position
让他们体验责任感 where they've got responsibility,
我想他们会在考验中成长起来 I think they'll rise to that challenge.
艺术训练全在于表达 是吧? Art is all about expression, isn't it?
我们能把她请来一对一吗? Can we get her in for a one-to-one?.
没问题 Yeah. Absolutely
什么 我们连讨论组也要做摘要? What, we're gonna precis the focus group?.
没错 我们只需把它...浓缩一下 Yeah We'll just make it a bit more... focused.
其他人都基本认同她 Everybody else basically agrees with what she says.
她就代表全体 She's got everything.
这个方法不错 我喜欢 Very good way to work. I like this.
不要理旁枝末节 Cut out all the extraneous stuff,
直奔事实 就要这样 you know. Just the facts, man.
就像阿特金斯减肥法 只留蛋白质 Just the protein. Atkins government.
好 我请她来 OK, I'll get her in.
其实他们来了 In fact here they are now.
你好 你好 我是玛丽 Hello! Hi. I'm Mary.
这是休·艾伯特 这是玛丽 This is Hugh Abbott, this is Mary.
这位是格伦·库伦 And, Mary, this is Glenn Cullen.
玛丽 我们的讨论组明星 And this is Mary, our focus group star.
很高兴认识你 Great to meet you.
谢谢 我总是被他们反驳 Thank you. I keep getting asked back.
你是讨论组 Well, you are one of the
组员里的名嘴之一嘛 most articulate of our focus groupees.
呃…不是粉丝(groupie) 是组员(groupee) That's... Yeah... Not groupie, groupees with two Es.
没错 您太客气了 Yes You're very kind, thanks.
好了 听着 我们是要… All right, listen, just to push on...
我本来以为 I was thinking that
如果我代表广大民众 if I am representative of the public at large
你会听我说完 you're gonna listen to what I say...
你代表每位女性 You're every woman.
"一切在我" 是那么个意思 " It's all in me. " Something like that.
休 这是首歌 是的 It's, er, it's a song, Hugh Yeah, I know.
好 玛丽 我们的这项政策… So, Mary, the policy we were talking about...
伟大的政策 Great policy.
谢了 对 非常好 做的好 Thank you Yeah, really good, well done.
我们想要… We were wondering..
后来我又想 I was thinking about it aftereards.
如果这些附加课 And if those extra classes, you know,
戏剧音乐艺术课程 the drama and the music and the art classes,
如果都安排在放学后 if they have them after school
就省得那些淘气包 it saves the potentially naughty children
错过基础课了 from missing out on the core curriculum.
这很重要 角度不错 That's important That's a good angle.
我觉得 这也 And also it would be, I think,
创造了些喘息空间 a really welcome breathing space
给那些单亲妈妈 比如我 for some of the single parents, like me.
正是 非常棒 Yes Excellent.
我起了个名字 I thought of a name for it.
我想可以称为"玩出个明天" I thought you could call it Play For Tomorrow.
"玩出个明天" 真的很棒 Play For Tomorrow. Yeah, excellent.
非常感谢你能来 Thank you so much for coming in,
祝单亲妈妈一切顺利 and good luck with the single mother thing.
谢谢 嗯…我马上来 Thank you I'll be right... Erm...
我等下就来找你 格伦 I'll see you in a bit, Glenn.
你不赞成? 狗屁不通 And you're against it? It'll die on its arse.
我外婆就是被几个贼眉鼠眼 My Grandma was mugged by some ferret-faced
脖子有刺青的小孩打劫了 teenager with a neck tattoo.
你要怎么处理? 教他们单簧管? What are you gonna do about it?. Teach him the bassoon.
正像我亲爱的老妈说的 It is, as my dear old mother would have said,
这是大便蒙心了 double wank and shit chips.
但你觉得可以一试 休? But you think it's got legs, Hugh?.
有点 讨论组什么意见? Several How did it play with the focus groups?.
她喜欢 你说啥? She loves it Sorry?.
她们彻头彻尾地喜欢 They absolutely love it.
"支持"和"很支持"共占94% 数目可观 You've got 94% approve/ strongly approve rating.
为什么说是"她"? 我不知道 Why did you say "she"? I don't know.
船都能称为"她" You can call boats she.
94% 清清楚楚摆在眼前啊 94%. It's all there, black and white.
很难不同意啊 格伦 It's difficult to argue with that, Glenn,
不管你那臭嘴老妈说什么 whatever your foul-mouthed mother might have said.
是啊 我觉得这是硬性的 Yes, I can feel a stiffy in the post.
我的直觉反对 My guts still say no.
得票多的是他们 Substantial as they are, they're outvoted.
我去找汤姆准备实行 I'll talk to Tom about green-lighting this.
那就定了 泰莉 So that's a go, Terri.
对了 漏点风出去 看有人...恶心这个不 Just, erm, put the smell out, see if anybody... gags on it.
出去 散散消息 Just... just float it.
好吧 呃… 有问题吗? OK, er.. Problem?.
我们能不能试试... Can we please try and...
别定这种拍脑袋政策了? stop making policy on the hoof?.
总这么拍脑袋决策 我们脑袋都晕了 We've been on the hoof and we have been too hoofy.
我们有吗? 要是能坐下好好想想 Have we? If there could just be some sitting down.
对 就这样 坐下 Yeah Just, you know, sitting down.
这就是我要说的 没错 That's all I'm saying Yeah.
我们有椅子 就要用起来 We've got the chairs, we should use them.
我同意 就该这样 I think so. That was it
好 有别的问题吗? OK. Is that it?.
就这个 没别的了 That's the problem. No more.
问题解决了 很好 Problem solved. Good point.
我去传消息了 好 I'll go and float OK.
跟他们直说? 随你 Face up? If you like, yep.
再见 泰莉 See you, Terri.
马尔科姆 我知道是你 Malcolm, I know you were keen on
让人任命泰莉 不过… Terri's appointment but...
她狗屎不如 也不至于吧 She's shit I wouldn't go that far.
她只会在划好的框里打钩 休 She's a box-ticker, Hugh.
出了框啥都不懂 She can't think outside the box.
她还嫌框少 自己在里面又画了框 She's built a box inside the actual box and
在那个框里思考 she's doing her thinking inside that box.
就是 说的好 抱歉 我太累了 Exactly. I like that Sorry, I'm so tired.
不不 很好 No, that's good.
我有这么多东西要读要想 I have so much stuff to read and think about.
我看你状态不错 You seem to get through it all right.
是啊 我挤出时间了 Yeah, I find the time, somewhere.
你会孤单吗? Do you get lonely?.
不会 哦 我也不会 No No. Neither do I.
你看过"时代缩影"了? So did you watch the Zeitgeist tape?
看了一些 Some of it, yeah.
"东区人"都认识了? 小莫 大莫？ So you know your EastEnders?. Little Mo, Big Mo?.
("东伦敦人"的调子敲错了) 搞什么? ( Imitates EastEnders drums, gets it wrong) What?.
我还没看 还没 你在瞎弄些什么? I havn't watch it. What the fuck are you playing at?
你这个大臣是他妈装样的 Are you playing at being a minister
还是来做事的? or are you a real-life fucking minister?.
我是来做事的 I am a real-life minister.
我从没见过这种标题 怎么说? I've never seen headlines like it In what way?.
全是风凉话 It's all gone to shite.
哦 报纸不喜欢这政策? Oh, the papers didn't like the policy?.
他们恶心的要死 你都明白了吧 休? They fucking loathe it. Are you getting all this, Hugh?.
明白 你说的很清楚了 Yes, you're very clear.
他们都讨厌吗? 泰晤士报呢? Do they all hate it?. The Times?
尤其是泰晤士报 Especially the Times.
都还没开印呢 haven't gone to bed yet.
你怎么知道? 因为我有人脉 How do you know? Because I'm connected.
我是矩阵的一部分 我就是这个矩阵 I'm plugged into the matrix. I am the fucking matrix.
呃...你说啥? What... what... Sorry?
看没看录影带? Have you not watched that tape?.
我打算带回家看 I'm taking it home now to watch it there.
我们买了个新录像机 We've just bought a new video player
我女儿迷上了"企鹅家族" off the back of Alicia's obsession with Pingu.
好 要仔细看 我知道"企鹅家族" OK, pay attention I've heard of Pingu.
艺术课政策结束了 明白? 到此为止 This arts policy is dead, OK?. As of now.
召集媒体开发布会 掐死它 Get a press release together and bung it in the oven.
你们滚吧 Fuck off, the lot of you.
还有 休 看录影带 And, Hugh, watch that tape.
我在黑墙隧道里 再说一遍好吗? I was in the Blackeall Tunnel, can you repeat all that?
这些民间讨论组 根本没用 These focus groups, they're absolutely useless.
哦 征求什么意见啊 对吧? Oh, it's useless to ask people what they think, is it?.
制定政策就是了? Before we formulate policy?.
听着 不用问他们要啥 Look, there's not point ask people what they think
民众要么不知自己在想啥 people either don't know what they think
要么巴不得恢复绞刑 or they think you should bring back hanging
好吊死交通协管员 for traffic wardens.
要么 他们照每个正常人的方式思考 Or they just think what every person would think.
对对 "我是路人甲 别人说啥我说啥" " I'm Geoff Average, I think the same as everybody else
"我是正常人 人人都跟我想法一样" cos I'm a normal bloke and everybody thinks like me
"我是个IT民工 每周末磕嗑药打打碟" I work in IT, every weekend I pop pills and do DJing,
"我是单亲妈妈 我要攒钱" spare cash cos I'm a single mum,
"我参加环保基金" and I'm in the National Trust,
"我喜欢体育节目 我花痴柯林·费斯" I enjoy sports on TV, anything with Colin Firth.
"我享受家暴 享受太阳晒过的" I enjoy domestic violence and sun-dried
"他妈的…卡拉OK" fucking... karaoke. "
人不是都一样的 格伦 Not everybody is the same, Glenn.
民众会让你大吃一惊 People can surprise you.
这也是善意的玩笑? Was that good-natured joshing?.
塔克? 马尔科姆 没吵醒你吧 Tucker Malcolm, er... hope I didn't wake you up.
辉特 Hewitt.
是 我在写周日评论 Yeah, I'm doing a piece this Sunday,
是关于讨论组的长篇 a big piece on focus groups,
灵感来自你们最近的灾难性政策 it's sort of inspired by your latest policy disaster.
我的主题是 I'm gonna be concentrating on
你们艾伯特没了讨论组 how your man Abbot can't do a single thing
不能有半点作为 without focus groups.
我吓到了 我好怕 I'm shaking with fear.
哦哟 伤到你的雄性独占欲了 Yeah, well, that's sexual jealousy
你可真风趣 You're so witty.
可惜你专栏里一点都看不出来 Pity none of it makes it into your columns.
听着 我很想整晚听你扯 Listen, I'd love to spend the evening
但我有事要做 listening to you but I've got better things to do.
回去写你的操蛋球赛报道吧 傻逼 Fuck off back to your match reports, you twat.
你好 Hello.
休 是泰莉 嗯 你好 Hugh, it's Terri Yeah, hello.
对不起 吵醒你了 还没睡 Sorry, I've woken you up I wasn't asleep.
我躺了3小时又要被叫起来 I just got dropped off and I'm being picked up again
所以衣服都不脱 in three hours so I kept my trousers on.
听着 我刚听说西蒙·辉特 Listen, I've just heard that Simon Hewitt's
又在写关于你的评论 doing another piece on you
内容是你依赖讨论组 about how you rely on focus groups.
我日 我明天一早就处理 Oh, cock Look, I'll be on it in the morning
所以别操心去睡吧 so don't lose any sleep over it
你拿我开涮? Are you taking the piss?.
呃 没有 不好意思 Erm, no Sorry,
我要挂了 我在煮鸡蛋 I've got to go. I've got an egg on.
明天见 See you in the morning.
再见 晚安 休 再见 Bye-bye Night, Hugh. Bye.
死三八 Bitch.
我衰成什么样了? How fucked am I?.
你样子烂透了 你平常也很烂 不过… Well, you look awful. You quite often look bad, but...
我说我的负面新闻 In terms of negative publicity.
在衰度计上 多少? On the fuckometer, where am I?.
哦 12 对 Oh, 1 2 Yeah.
能打12 满分多少? 1 2, say Out of what?.
嗯…50 噢 Er... 50 Oh.
我满分标准是10分 Mine was out of ten.
好吧 你觉得我衰到24% Right, so I'm... 24%%ucked according to you
可你觉得我已经衰到120%了 but according to you I'm 1 20%% fucked.
嗯 我不是… Erm, yeah. I didn't...
泰莉 什么事? Terri, have you got anything?
我不能求他们撤掉那评论 I can't ask them to drop the piece,
会让我们显得很可怜 it would make us look pathetic.
我也不想做葛莱恩("艰难时世"男主角) I don't mean to come across all Mr Gradgrind
但搞定媒体 这是你的职责 but this is your job, sorting out the press.
这是马尔科姆的问题 This is Malcolm's problem,
不管怎么说 他惹起的 anyway, it's him that spun that...
好了 我们这么办 All right, this is what we're gonna do.
我把休和希尼的访谈 I'm bringing foreard Hugh's interview
提到今天下午 with Heaney to this afternoon.
早上好 马尔科姆 明早播出 Morning, Malcolm It goes out tomorrow morning.
我们就能先发制人 That way we can get our side of the story across
让辉特狗血淋头 and piss all over Simon Hewitt's cornflakes,
真可惜这是比喻 是吧? sadly only metaphorically. Yeah?.
好 小奥 叫来希尼 泰莉 联系她的编辑 Right, OK. Olly, call Heaney. Terri, get on to her editor.
格伦 安排房间 Glenn, book her room.
波迪 道尔 随时待命 (刑侦剧"CI5") Bodie, Doyle, you go round the back.
这么大压力 开个玩笑不行啊? At times of stress, I make jokes!
好了 嗯… Right. Erm...
我有什么事要做呢? What do I do?.
跟我一起看电视 Sit down at the TV with me.
马上看"时代缩影" You're gonna watch that Zeitgeist tape now.
(电视剧Bill的主题音乐) ( # Theme from The Bill)
你似乎无法理解… You don't seem to be able to understand...
操 我知道 但是有人爱看 Shit I know, but people watch it.
收视有600万呢 我操 This gets six million Oh, shit.
怎么了? What?.
她是个演员 谁? She's an actress Who?.
讨论组的玛丽 是个演员 Mary from the focus group, she's an actress.
别紧张 那也没什么 Oh, relax, that doesn't matter.
讨论组都这样 人不够 If focus groups are short of numbers
就拉演员凑数 they bung in a couple of actors.
这才凑成小组嘛 关键在"组" It doesn't matter because it's a focus group
让我想一下 我会联系你的 I need to think. I'll call you.
天哪 我刚想起来 呃… Ooh, I've just remembered. Erm...
你能不能…? 我暂停一下 Can you just.. I'll pause it.
你先暂停一下 If you could pause it for a second,
我马上回来 I'll be... I'll be back in a sec.
格伦 有麻烦了 怎么了? Glenn, got a bit of a problem What?.
记得讨论组的玛丽吗? You remember Mary from the focus group?.
那个有孩子的圣母 怎么了? What, Miss Immaculate bloody Conception?.
她是个演员 什么意思? She's an actress What do you mean?.
我说她...说的还不清楚吗? I mean that she's... There's no clearer way
她是个演员 of saying it she's an actress.
确定? 我刚在肥皂剧里看到她了 Are you sure? I've just seen her in The Bill.
老天 Oh, Jesus.
也许还不至于完蛋 This doesn't have to be a total disaster.
完蛋了 说明她根本不是个 It does. It means she's not really a
中产阶级家庭妇女 stay-at-home Middle England housewife,
她是在演戏 she's just playing a part.
那么 她说的话岂不是… So, what she said wasn't, you know...
是 我明白过来了 Yes, I do know.
谁 谁什么了? What?. Who said what?. What?
我们组织讨论组 We are organising focus groups
倾听普通人的意见 to listen to the opinions of ordinary people,
结果他们根本不是普通人 是他妈的演员 except they're not ordinary people, they're fucking actors,
他们都不能算人 so they're not technically people at all
我等下打回来? Can I get back to you?.
你那个传奇圣母是他妈的演员 Your fucking legend is a fucking actress.
讨论组公司一直这么做的 Focus group companies do it all the time.
如果凑不齐代表 If they can't cobble together the right cross-section,
就找演艺经纪人 they call a casting agency.
定制一套结论 对吧? Dial an opinion, is it?.
给我三个自由派 两个异议分子 Send me three liberals, two mavericks
再来个种族主义的 行啊你 and a racist. Brilliant!
我们整件事都基于她 只有她 We've based the whole thing on her. Just her!
她一个人 你们瞎了吗? Her alone! Don't you see?.
谁叫你不问我的意见? Why didn't you run it past me?.
操 操 Shit. Shit.
这不可能 我就觉得她眼熟 It's not real. I thought I recognised her.
"米德夏警探"里就有她 She was in Midsomer Murders.
怎么不早说? Why didn't you say anything?.
我以为那是她双胞胎姐妹 I thought she might've had a twin.
真是够蠢的… What a stupid thing to...
我日 我日 Fuck! Fuck!
你说"她" 是的 You said "she". Yes.
从柜子里出来 休 不要 Come out of the cupboard, Hugh No.
休 我们必须想个办法 Hugh, we have to sort this out.
当我问你讨论组的事情… 是的 When I asked you about the focus group.. Yeah.
你说"她"喜欢 .. you said "she" loved it.
我们给她单独会面 We gave her a one-on-one.
为什么? Why?.
她是中产阶级的代表 She's Middle England.
于是 那么大一个中产阶级 So, Middle England is a big fucking field
就被她一个人代表了? with one woman standing in it?.
你觉得辉特会发现吗? Do you think Hewitt will find out?.
他妈的当然会了 这是他的眼线 Of course he fucking will, she's his mole!
这就是他为啥明天又能写一篇了 That's why he's got a piece in the paper tomorrow.
必须马上摆平 懂吗? We've got to shut this down now, right?.
给我透露给安吉拉·希尼 I want this leaked to Angela Heaney.
这是危机公关 知道吗? It's damage control, OK?.
发布我们版本的故事 We put out the story the way we want it
趁辉特搞死我们之前 before Hewitt fucks us up the bugle.
动手吧 马上 嗯 这都怪小奥 Get onto it, now Yeah... It was Olly's, erm...
不是我的错 小奥的主意 It's not my fault It was Olly's idea.
我被牵着走了 是中介在骗我们 休 I went with it The agency lied to us, Hugh.
中介骗了我 我还反对来着 The agency lied to me I fought for going with it.
该让她来了 联系希尼的编辑 We should get her in Get on to Heaney's editor.
已经在联系了 马尔科姆 I'm on to it, Malcolm.
告诉安吉拉 让她来做 Talk to Angela, get her to do this.
明白 安吉拉·希尼在吗? Right, OK Can I speak to Angela Heaney?.
能给她留个口信吗? Can I leave a message?
马尔科姆 我建议… Malcolm, may I just suggest...
我不知道她是演员 Exactly.
对啊 我们被骗了 我们被羞辱了 We've been lied to, abused.
我们是诡计的牺牲品 小奥 We are the victims of abuse Olly.
闭嘴 你打给她好吗? Shut up Can you call her?.
你死翘了 你说什么呢? You are a broken vase.
我怎么知道她是演员 我从不看电视 How do I know she's an actress?. I never watch television.
所以你才要给我那个白痴录影带嘛 That's why you gave me the stupid tape.
我们要请她来谈谈 We're gonna get her in,
她来见我们 我们… talk to her, she'll meet us, we'll...
我来告诉她 我擅长沟通 I will talk to her because I'm good with people.
她能帮我们 她能理解我们 She can help us, she'll see our point of view,
会搞定的 we'll be fine.
希望吧 希望如此 I hope so, I hope that's what happens.
不然我们就杀了她 才不呢 Or we kill her It will...
让他样子体面点 我准备好了猛料 Make him look presentable. I've got a big story.
给他梳头 把领带和衬衫换掉 Comb his hair, change his tie and his shirt
不用 这样挺好 别操心了 No, it's fine, don't worry about it.
你这造型像晚间节目 You're looking evening television,
我要你像下午的"邮报会客室" I want you to look afternoon.
你要我穿什么? 他妈的夏威夷花衬衫? What do you want me to wear, a fucking Hawaiian shirt?.
穿上给我们看看? Shall we see if you've got one?
不 不会给她派车 No, she can't have a car.
你少来管头管脚 Just don't fucking mother me, OK?.
嗯…我没想多管 I... it's... I'm not so much mothering,
我只想帮忙 it's just... wanting to help.
那个…玛丽 今晚能叫来吗? Are we getting her... Mary... Can we get her in tonight?.
会不会显得怪异? Won't that look a bit odd?
有人有她的电话吗? Does anyone have her number?.
我有她经纪人的电话 I've got a number for the agency.
打过去 Get on to the agency.
没事的 没事个屁 It's all right. It's not, actually.
玛丽 你见过休 还有格伦 Mary, you know Hugh. You've met Glenn before.
马尔科姆·塔克 This is Malcolm Tucker,
我们的新闻官 he's our director of communications.
坐啊 玛丽 谢谢 Take a seat, Mary Thanks.
大半夜你能来真是太感谢了 We are so grateful for you coming in at this ungodly hour.
有问题吗? Is there... a problem?.
有问题 就是你的大嘴巴 Yeah, there is. you flapping your trap!
问题在于…在于你是个女演员 The issues is... the issue of your being an actress.
是 Right.
叫我演员就好 I actually prefer actor
对不起 有点性别歧视 I'm sorry. Sexist, sorry.
确实有点 实际上 那个 Slightly, yeah Essentially, you know,
你告诉我们的 基本是...是事实 what you told us was fundamentally honest, the truth,
是实话 你真实的想法 it was honestly... genuinely what you thought
是是 没错 Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah.
我没有两个孩子 I haven't got two children,
其它都是真的 but apart from that it was essentially...
大部分 嗯 当然 你捏造了孩子? Most... Yes, of course.. You invented the kids?.
嗯 我… 你瞎编出了孩子? I... Yeah, I was.. You made up small children?.
我了解小孩子 真恶心 I know small children That's sick.
老天爷 我要显出代表性啊 Jesus Christ I was just being representative.
你捏造出孩子 You invented children.
不存在的孩子 Small children that don't exist.
我是满足你的需要 I was giving you what you wanted.
于是 最终你失控了 谎言自己编成了 So, eventually you lose track, the lies compound themselves
遍地开花 不可收拾 and you end up all over the place
像个疯婆子拉的屎一样 like a crazy woman's shit.
问题是现在我们还得擦屁股 And that's the problem that we're now trying to deal with.
我们把这事交给了我们的御用记者 We've given this story to a tame journalist,
更可能同情我们的记者 one who's more likely to be sympathetic...
你有没有想过 Do you just want to think about
明天会发生什么? what is going to happen tomorrow?.
你会发现 媒体都追着你 You are gonna find the press all over you...
是好事吗? 不 绝对不是 In a good way? No, not at all.
你知道电影"诺丁山"吧? You know that film Notting Hill?
她可能还演了呢 She's probably fucking in it.
男主角一开门 You know that bit where he opens the door
数不清的记者 and there's millions of journalists
和摄像师 闪光灯 and photographers and all flashbulbs
都炸锅了 are going off?.
大概再过4小时 就轮到你了 In about four hours, that's gonna be you.
他们就像蟑螂爬满你全身 They're gonna be all over you like fucking cockroaches.
没事的 不不不 不会没事 It's OK No, no, no, no, no, it's not OK.
你不会没事 我来告诉你为什么 It's not gonna be OK, and I'll tell you why.
因为对你要礼尚往来 Because you're fair game.
我希望你屁股擦干净了 So I hope your knickers are clean.
因为天下每个狗仔 Because every seat-sniffing little shitbag
都会伸着鼻子 that's ever filed a by-line
追来死缠烂打 is gonna be questioning you.
因为这变成损害公共利益了 懂吗? Cos now it's in the fucking public interest, isn't it?.
他们会随心所欲向你泼粪 And they're gonna hit you with any shit they can find
你就准备像个 and you're gonna be spread out there
游街示众的荡妇一样照单全收吧 in front of them like a trollop in the stocks!
我们是想... We-we've done...
我还是不明白到底怎么了 I still don't understand what's going on.
我们可以把这些狗拴回去 对吧? We can hold those dogs back.
什么意思? What do you mean?.
给你找个友善的记者 包你放心 We can get you a nice journalist Yes, exactly.
找个年轻友善的记者 安吉拉·希尼 We can get you to a nice, young journalist, Angela Heaney,
或许你...我不知他让你签了什么 and maybe you... I don't know what he made you sign,
别管了 全是狗屁 but whatever it was, it was bullshit.
也许你可以说你被断章取义了 Maybe if you just say that you were misquoted
顺便说辉特是个傻逼 and also that Simon Hewitt's a prick.
如果你这么说... 谁? If you just said that.. Who?.
跟你接头的记者 The journalist that you told your story to
我没有...我没有告诉任何记者 I... I didn't... I didn't talk to any journalist.
不不不 你跟西蒙·辉特说了 No, no, no You spoke to Simon Hewitt.
不 我... No, I...
你他妈的告诉西蒙·辉特了 You fucking spoke to Simon Hewitt,
他是个胖子 he's a fat guy
小鸡鸡细的像圆珠笔 with a tiny dick the size of a bookie's biro.
你当然告诉他了 我要走了 You fucking spoke to him I'd like to go now.
你没告诉他 You didn't speak to him.
该死的她没告诉他 She didn't fucking speak to him.
我不认识什么叫西蒙... I don't know anyone called... Simon...
不管是谁 辉特 whatever the fuck Hewitt.
辉特 对 Hewitt, yeah
她根本不认识 She doesn't even know.
真是见鬼 那人怎么了? Fuck's sake. What's the matter with him?.
小奥 很抱歉打扰你了 Olly. Sorry if I upset you.
对不起 亲爱的 对不起 Sorry, darling, sorry.
搭错线了 真对不起 Crossed lines, darling. Sorry about that.
请离我远点 Will you leave me alone?.
需要车吗 如果需要什么... If you need a car, I'll get whatever you need.
真他妈的见鬼了 For fuck's sake!
她根本不认识 我日死他 She didn't even know Fuck him!
这样没用的 对吧? That didn't really work, did it?.
已经晚了 Is it too late...
能先让我自己理一理吗? Can I get this straight for my own sanity?.
现在打电话 还能撤掉头版吗? If we get on the phone, can we pull the front page?.
不能 太晚了 No. It's too late.
希尼的访谈还得播出吧? Heaney's piece is gonna go ahead anyway?.
他妈的当然了 我很牛 Of course it fucking is. I'm good
但也不能他妈的让水倒流 能吗? but I can't fucking hold back the tide, can I?.
已经这样了 我要去睡了 All right, that's it. I'm going to bed.
真有点讽刺... 你孤军奋战吧 Kind of ironic, really.. You're fucking on your own!
因为她根本没跟辉特说过 .. because she hasn't actually spoken to Hewitt,
那...我们 er... and we've...
自动自发的 跟新闻界解释 of our own volition, voluntarily...
给媒体我们的说法... released the story to the press...
等于不打自招 unnecessarily.
要死 damn
那个苏格兰魔鬼是谁? Who was that evil Scottish guy?.
我们的新闻官 He's the director of communications.
他在命令我要跟报纸说什么 He was ordering me what to say to the papers.
把我从床上揪起来 吆三喝四... dragging me out of bed and telling me...
我想报纸会有兴趣的 I think some papers might be interested in that.
你看 我们部 No, look... The department
正要推行很多革新 has a lot of initiatives coming up...
行 又开始来了? 真的 Right. Right. Has it really? Yeah.
我们要找个代言... And we're going to need the face
新市区 新面貌 of urban renewal for the... thing,
大规模宣传 文具啦 笔啦... a whole campaign, there's gonna be stationery, pens...
上面印大头像 Face probably won't fit on...
都是我们说了算 你想贿赂我… We've got all that coming up. You are trying to bribe me
用信封大头照? with a stationery photo shoot?.
哦 没有 Er, no, erm...
没有的事 没有要贿赂 没有 None of this is happening. No, not bribe, no.
只是随便聊聊 你明白吧? That was just small talk. You understandthat,
随便小聊聊 right?. I was just chatting. Small chat.
过几个钟头叫醒我 好吗? Can you wake me in a couple of hours?.
没时间回家睡了 There's no time to go home,
回去了就得回来 I'll pass myself coming back in.
我打电话给你老婆 说你不回了 I'll ring Catherine and say you won't be home.
进行得怎样了? How did you get on?.
开心吗? Happiness?.
走开 泰莉 Go away, Terri.
我去弄些饼干 趁我还没走 I'll clear up a few biscuits whilst I'm at it.
凯特 我知道现在 Kate, just leaving a message for you -
你在睡觉 我帮休... I know you're asleep by now -
留个口信 问候孩子们 from Hugh. Love to the kids,
早上回来看艾丽西娅 see Alicia in the morning
还有 嗯 亲一个 and, erm... big kiss
抱歉没能哄孩子们睡觉 and sorry about the bedtime story.
格伦替我问候你们 晚安 Lots of love via Glenn, and nighty-night.
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