混账导演的片子
主演 一个天造地设的傻子
当今世上最性感的男人 瑞安·雷诺兹
一个性感小妞
一个英国反派
一个插科打诨的
一个喜怒无常少女
一个全特效角色
一个没片酬的客串
制片人 一群傻帽
编剧 真正的英雄
导演 一个坑钱的货
嗨 我是死侍
鬼屋 平衡车之旅
在后面太寂寞了 Kinda lonesome back here.
来 帮个忙 Yeah, little help.
好 可是我得把着方向盘 Okay, just, I have to keep my hands on the wheel.
让一下 Excuse me.
我是都朋德 Dopinder.
死侍 Pool. Dead.
不错嘛 Nice.
味道好闻吧 Smells good, no?
不是水仙白日梦香片 我说那姑娘 Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl.
对 她是吉塔 Ah, yes. Gita.
她可漂亮了 She is quite lovely.
本来她可以嫁给我当个好媳妇儿的 She would have made me a very agreeable wife.
可是 But...
吉塔却迷上了我表哥班度 Gita's heart has been stolen by my cousin Bandhu.
他无耻的程度跟撩妹的手段相当 He is as dishonorable as he is attractive.
都朋德 我突然觉得 Dopinder, I'm starting to think
冥冥之中安排好了我坐你的车 there's a reason I'm in this cab today.
是你叫的车 先生 记得吗 Yeah, sir, you called for it, remember?
不 我的棕色瘦猴朋友 No, my slender brown friend.
爱情美妙至极 Love is a beautiful thing.
当你找到爱情时 When you find it, the whole world
全世界都充满了水仙白日梦的味道 tastes like Daffodil Daydream.
所以你一定要将爱紧紧地 So you gotta hold onto love...
抓住 Tight!
绝不放手 And never let go.
不要犯跟我一样的错误 Don't make the same mistakes I did.
-明白 -懂了 - Got it? - Yeah.
否则整个世界都是肥婆做完高温瑜伽的味 Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga.
先生 你说肥婆有什么味 Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?
就像俩流浪汉在灌满尿的鞋里互干 Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss.
行了 够了 Okay, enough.
我能给你形容一天 重点是 很臭 I can go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it's bad!
是臭 It's bad.
为什么爱穿红色套装 死先生 Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
因为到圣诞节了呀 都朋德 Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder.
我在找一个坏孩子 And I'm after someone on my naughty list.
已经等了一年零三周 I've been waiting one year, three weeks...
加六天 six days and, oh...
14分钟 14 minutes
让他弥补对我犯下的错误 to make him fix what he did to me.
他把你怎么了 死先生 And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?
这样 This shit...
他们不会让你失望的 They won't disappoint.
最好是 They'd better not.
下个月的货呢 And what about next month's shipment?
不会有了 There won't be one.
又不是只有你一家在打仗 You're not the only one with a war to win.
那可不行 That won't do.
是这样 我们的供给链 See, we've had this small disruption
出现了一点小问题 to our supply chain...
希望您能够耐心等待 We'd appreciate your patience.
好的 Okay.
下个月我们将全额交货 We'll deliver in full the following month.
跟你合作非常愉快 Pleasure doing business with you.
死变种人 Fucking mutant.
操 Oh, shit!
我忘带弹药包了 I forgot my ammo bag.
要调头吗 Shall we turn back?
不 没时间了 No, no time.
去他妈的 就这样吧 Fuck it. I got this.
9 10 11 12颗子弹 或者被干 9, 10, 11, 12 bullets, or bust.
到了 Right here!
一共是27.5美元 That's, uh, $27.50.
我干活的时候从来不带钱包 I... I never carry a wallet when I'm working.
会破坏我造型的线条感 Ruins the lines of my suit.
要不 But...
爽快地击个掌 how about a crisp high five?
行吧 Okay.
圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas.
祝你四月周二酒宴节也快乐 死先生 And a convivial Tuesday in April to you too, Pool!
韦德
嗨 我是弗朗西斯
你好啊 我知道你们很困惑对不对 Oh, hello. I know, right?
我到底给谁揉蛋 Whose balls did I have to fondle
才换来一部我自己做主角的电影 to get my very own movie?
我不能告诉你 I can't tell you,
但是谐音很像"精钢狼" but it does rhyme with "Polverine."
我跟你们说 And let me tell you,
他下面那对澳洲小坏蛋可是相当有手感 he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under.
总之我有几个地方要去 还有张脸要修 Anyway, I got places to be, a face to fix and, oh...
还有坏人要杀 Bad guys to kill.
全力以赴 Maximum effort.
猴子偷桃 Cock shot.
科林斯皮革的豪车啊 Rich Corinthian leather.
我在找弗朗西斯 I'm looking for Francis!
你见到这人了吗 Have you seen this man?
废物 废物 Yanky, yanky!
这句我从来不说 不过别咽下去 I've never said this, but don't swallow.
糟糕 Shit.
我是不是没关炉子就出来了 Did I leave the stove on?
突发新闻播报 Now, breaking news.
今早跨城高速公路上 A multi-car collision turned shots fired
一起多车连环车祸后引发枪战 on the crosstown expressway this morning.
泽维尔学校 天赋少年的学校
警察被交通堵塞阻拦无法到达案发现场 Gridlock has kept police from the scene.
建议民众待在家中 Residents are advised to remain in their homes.
攻击者涉嫌携带武器 十分危险 The assailant appears to be armed, dangerous,
并穿着... and wearing...
-红色套装 -红色套装 - a red suit. - A red suit.
死侍 Deadpool.
弹头少女 走 来活了 Negasonic! Come, we have mission.
钢力士 等等 Colossus, wait up.
我已经给足机会让死侍加入我们 I've given Deadpool every chance to join us...
可他总跟个熊孩子似的 but he'd rather act like a child.
全副武装的熊孩子 A heavily-armed child.
他什么时候能长大 了解当X战警的好处 When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X-Man?
什么好处 配套的紧身衣 Which benefits? The matching unitards?
还是每几年就被炸飞一次的房子 The house that blows up every few years?
拜托 Please.
炸飞房子有助于怡情养性 House blowing up builds character.
吃过早餐了吧 You ate breakfast, yes?
早餐是一天中最重要的一餐 Breakfast is most important meal of day.
给 蛋白棒 对骨头好 Here, protein bar. Good for bones.
当心死侍把你打骨折 Deadpool may try to break yours.
别挡路 Get out of the way!
等等 Wait!
你们可能会好奇 "为什么穿红色套装" You may be wondering, "Why the red suit?"
这样坏人就看不到我流血啦 Well, that's so bad guys can't see me bleed.
这哥们就懂 This guy's got the right idea.
他穿了屎黄色的裤子 He wore the brown pants.
好吧 我只有12颗子弹 Fine! I only have 12 bullets,
你们只能分享了 so you're gonna have to share!
开始倒数 Let's count them down.
靠 Shit.
小兔崽子 Motherfucker!
十 操 10! Shit!
九 你娘的 Nine. Fuck.
八 Eight.
干你娘的 Shit-fuck!
死侍笨笨 Bad Deadpool.
七 死侍棒棒 Seven. Good Deadpool.
某宝宝没数数 六 Someone's not counting. Six.
四 Four...
傻了吧 Gotcha.
正中菊花口 Right up main street.
三 二 Three, two!
冲动 值了 Stupid! Worth it.
今晚一定要撸一发 I'm touching myself tonight.
弗朗西斯 Francis!
弗朗西斯 Francis...
去他妈的小饼干 What the shit-biscuit!
你在哪 弗朗西斯 Where you at, Francis?
你不是弗朗西斯 You're not Francis.
不是吧 大招是卷袖子 Really? Rolling up the sleeves?
你可能在想 You're probably thinking,
我男友说这是超级英雄电影 "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie.
怎么那个穿红色套装的男人 "But that guy in the red suit just turned
把另一个人穿成肉串了呢 "That other guy into a fucking kabab!"
虽然我可能超级 可我绝对不是英雄 Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero.
没错 严格来说这是谋杀 And yeah, technically, this is a murder.
可好多爱情故事 都是从谋杀开始的 But some of the best love stories start with a murder.
这部电影就是这样 是个爱情故事 And that's exactly what this is, a love story.
要讲好这个故事 And to tell it right,
可就要从我把自己塞进这身红色紧身衣 I gotta take you back to long before
之前很久的时候说起 I squeezed this ass into red spandex.
两年前
我慢点说你能听懂吗 Look, would it help if I slow it down for you?
我没订披萨 I didn't order the pizza.
这里是红岩路7348号吧 你是莫钱特先生吗 Is this 7348 Red Ledge Drive? Are you Mr. Merchant?
对 但是莫钱特先生没他妈订披萨 Yeah, the Mr. Merchant who didn't order the fucking pie!
那谁打的电话 Then who placed the call?
我打的 I did!
菠萝加橄榄 Pineapple and olive?
甜咸绝配 Sweet and salty.
你他妈是谁 The fuck are you?
你他妈在我家干嘛 The fuck you doing in my crib...
是烤焦了吗 Is it burnt crust?
天啊 希望没有 I... God, I hope not.
哥们 如果这是因为牌局 Man, look, if this is about that poker game.
我跟华仔说了 我说... I told Howie, I told him that...
就是说 想要什么都拿去 Okay, uh, look, just take whatever you want.
谢谢 Thanks.
先生 在你对他动手之前 Sir, before you do anything to him,
能先给我拿点丰厚的小费吗 do you mind if I get a big tip?
杰里米 是不是 Uh, Jeremy, is it?
我是韦德·威尔逊 Wade. Wade Wilson.
小费这事没门 小杰 That is a no go on the tiperoo, Jer.
我不是来找他的 I'm not here for him.
我是来找你的 I'm here for you.
差点白挨了颗子弹 Okay, wow, dodged a big-time bullet on that one.
你的事还没完呢 Not out of the woods yet.
以后衣服上少整那么多亮晶晶的 You need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling.
那是牛仔裤 又不是吊灯 They're jeans, not a chandelier.
另外钱包我拿走了 反正是你给我的 P.S. I'm keeping your wallet. You did kinda give it to me.
可以 可是能不能把山姆会员卡... Okay, just look, man, can I have my Sam's card...
别逼我打死你家猫 I will shoot your fucking cat!
我不懂你那是啥意思 我没养猫 I don't really know what that means. I don't have a cat.
那我刚刚在谁的猫砂上拉的屎 Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?
总之 告诉我 Anyhoo, tell me something...
哪种情况是一顿披萨搞不定的 what situation isn't improved by pizza?
你不会恰巧认识梅根·奥夫斯基吧 Do you happen to know a Meghan Orflosky?
发音对吗 奥夫斯基 Getting that right? Orflosky?
欧武斯基 对了 好的 Orlovsky? Yeah? Good.
因为她认识你 Because she knows you.
杰里米 我们有一帮人 Jeremy, I belong to a group of guys
干的就是收人钱财替人打人的活 who take a dime to beat a fella down.
可小梅根没那么多钱 And little Meghan, she's not made of money,
但她走运 but lucky for her,
我比较心软 I got a soft spot.
-我是... -跟踪狂 - But I'm a... - A stalker.
威胁让人痛苦 小杰 Threats hurt, Jer.
可远没有刀子割的疼 Though not nearly as badly as serrated steel.
所以离梅根远点 So keep away from Meghan.
说好了 Cool?
说好了 先生 Yes, sir.
那就这样了 Then we're done.
等等 就这样了 Wait. We are?
对啊 当然了 Yeah. We're totally done.
瞧你那个表情 You should've seen your face.
我惊慌失措 太害怕了 I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.
心慈手软 记得吗 Soft spot, remember?
如果你的眼珠子再敢往她那看一眼 You even look in her general direction again,
我就让你知道我硬起来 and you will learn in the worst of ways
到底是有多恐怖 that I have some hard spots too.
听起来有点不对劲 That came out wrong.
或者也没说错 Or did it?
梅根 Meghan?
那是杰里米的遗言 他说对不起 You've heard the last of Jeremy. He's sorry.
不敢相信 No friggin' way.
应该带旱冰鞋来 Should've brought my roller blades.
让小家伙看看到底怎么玩 Show these kids how it's done.
这就是最好的回报了 其实主要为了钱 Oh. And that's why we do it. But mostly the money.
你能去搞我继父吗 Hey, think you could fuck up my step-dad?
我之所以把人揍到扑街 I give a guy a pavement facial,
是因为他罪有应得 it's because he's earned it.
等等 Hey, wait!
你是我的英雄 You're my hero.
别别别 别把那词用我身上 No-no-no-no. That I ain't!
不是 以后也不会是 Nope. Never will be.
去你的 韦德 Oh. Fuck you, Wade.
我只是个坏人 收钱去揍更坏的人 I'm just a bad guy who gets paid to fuck up worse guys.
欢迎来到玛格丽特修女酒吧 Welcome to Sister Margaret's.
这里是雇佣兵们的招聘会 It's like a job fair for mercenaries.
我们像是不怎么样的牙仙 Think of us as really fucked up tooth fairies,
把牙打掉 钱也拿走 except we knock out the teeth and take the cash.
你最好求神拜佛金卡上别出现自己的名字 You'd best hope we never see your name on a gold card.
巴克 李飞德 Buck! Liefeld.
韦德 Hey, Wade!
韦德·威尔逊 弱者的守护神 Wade Wilson, patron saint of the pitiful.
有什么能为你效劳的 What can I do for you?
给我来个"口活" I'd love a Blow Job.
天啊 我也想 Oh, God, me too.
我说的是酒 紧身裤男 The drink, moose knuckle.
但首先... But first...
加勒特·杰里米
照看孩子的钱我可不收 Hey, and I ain't taking any babysitting money, all right?
把钱还给那个... Make sure that gets back to Ms...
欧武斯基 Orlovsky.
对 就是她 Yeah, her.
你确定 You sure?
作为一名雇佣兵 你还真是热心肠 You know, for a merc, you're pretty warm-blooded.
我猜你对那孩子也没下狠手 I bet you let the kid off easy, too.
黄鼠狼 他不是什么坏孩子 Oh, he's not a bad kid, Weas.
就是有点跟踪狂 Just a little light stalking.
我在他那岁数的时候 比他严重多了 I was way worse than him when I was his age.
我去充满异国风情的地方旅游 I was traveling to exotic places,
巴格达 摩加迪沙 杰克逊维尔 Baghdad, Mogadishu, Jacksonville,
遇见令人激动的新面孔 然后... meeting new and exciting people. And then...
杀掉他们 我看过你的图片分享 Killing them. Yeah, I've seen your Instagram.
特警部队在杰克逊维尔干什么 So what was Special Forces doing in Jacksonville, anyway?
那是机密 That's classified.
他们的星期五餐厅超级棒 They have a wonderful TGI Fridays.
甘露咖啡酒 百利甜酒和打发奶油 All right, Kahlua, Baileys and whipped cream.
我给你做一杯"口活" I give you a Blow Job.
为什么让我做这个 Why do you make me make that?
凯莉 凯莉 凯莉 Kelly, Kelly, Kelly...
把这个给巴克端去 Take that over to Buck please,
告诉他是布思送的 小前戏 and tell him it's from Boothe. Little foreplay.
来说说这样做后果会怎样 Remind me what good will come of this?
反正承担后果的也不是我 我只管搅局 I don't take the shits. I just disturb them.
布思 Boothe!
放松 哥们 冷静 冷静 Easy, man. Hold up! Hold up!
你想怎样 What you want?
-为你的健康干杯 -去你的 - Cheers. To your health. - Fuck you.
来啊 你个肥佬 Come here, you fat fuck!
那可是新凳子 That's a new stool.
给我老实趴着吧 Stay the fuck down.
打趴下了 Took his ass out!
好了 让开 让开 让开 All right, move. Move, move, move.
巴克 去休息吧 Buck, go rest.
布思被打倒了 Boothe got hit then went down.
没事 他还在喘气 Yeah, he's still breathing.
今天没有赢家 Nobody wins today.
想得美 韦德 Nice try, Wade.
被你猜中了 我在死池中选了布思 You got me. I picked Boothe in the dead pool.
你选了谁 Who did you pick?
韦德 关于这件事 Yeah, Wade, about that...
不是吧 No.
你不是赌我会死吧 You did not bet on me to die.
死池(下注赌谁会死) 韦德 150美元
你真赌我会死 You bet on me to die.
去你丫的 你真是最差劲的朋友 Motherfucker, you're the world's worst friend.
到头来还是你出洋相 因为我会活到102岁 Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102.
然后才会死去 就像底特律一样 And then dying. Like the city of Detroit.
暗讽底特律长时间经济低迷最终破产
抱歉 我只是想赢钱而已 I'm sorry. I just... I wanted to win money.
我从没赢过 I never win anything.
管你呢 Whatever.
雇佣兵们 喝酒我请 Soldiers of fortune, drinks on me!
仅限国产酒 没有进口的 Domestic, nothing imported.
宝贝 你真要一掷千"精"吗 Baby, are you sure you wanna shoot your whole wad?
嗯[硬了] Tight.
-瓦妮莎 -韦德 - Vanessa. - Wade.
你这么漂亮的地方在这种姑娘干什么 What's a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?
直接点 I'd hit that.
巴克 你还是赶紧道歉免得... Buck, you best apologize before...
就是那样 Yeah, that.
念咒语吧 胖甘道夫[《魔戒》中的巫师] Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf.
-抱歉 -用鼻子呼吸 - I'm sorry. - Breathe through the nose.
都怪我一时精虫上脑 I don't have a filter between my brain and my...
松手 好了 Let go. Okay.
没事了没事了[狮子王梗] 他都道歉了 Hakuna his tatas. He's sorry.
快走吧 快 去施咒语吧 Get out of here. Go. Go cast a spell.
非买勿动 Hands off the merchandise.
买 Merchandise?
这么说你是 So you...
卖春换钱 bump fuzzies for money?
-对 -小时候过得很苦 - Yep. - Rough childhood?
比你小时候苦 Rougher than yours.
我出生之前 爸爸就走了 Daddy left before I was born.
妈妈怀上我之前 爸爸就走了 Daddy left before I was conceived.
有人把烟头按在你身上过吗 Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?
要不然该怎么灭烟头 Where else do you put one out?
我被性侵过 I was molested.
我也是 叔叔干的 Me too. Uncle.
叔叔们 轮奸 Uncles. They took turns.
我被锁在柜子里 I watched my own birthday party
从钥匙孔中看我自己的生日派对 through the keyhole of a locked closet,
那里碰巧也是我的... which also happens to be my...
卧室吗 真幸运 我在洗碗机里睡觉 Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.
你竟然有洗碗机 You had a dishwasher.
我都不怎么睡觉 I didn't even know sleep.
几乎全天候塞着口球 被爆菊 扮成小丑 It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn.
谁会做那种事 Who would do such a thing?
希望是你 晚上有时间吗 Hopefully you, later tonight?
我用275美元 还有 Hey, what can I get for, uh, $275 and a...
一张酸奶乐园卡能买到什么 a Yogurtland rewards card?
宝贝 能让你48分钟内想干什么都行 Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want.
还有一份低脂甜品 And a low-fat dessert.
她是往你嘴里塞了张礼品卡吗 Did she just put a gift card in your mouth?
该把球放进洞里了 It's time to put balls in holes.
你说过我干什么都行 You said whatever I want.
我懂 I get it.
你爱木滚球 You love skee ball.
显然胜过爱玉穴 Apparently more than you love vagina.
这可很难选 That's a tough call.
我只想认识真正的你 I just wanna get to know the real you, you know.
而不是好莱坞兜售的那种 Not the short-shorted, two-dimensional
穿着热辣短裤却缺乏深度的性感尤物 sex object peddled by Hollywood.
瞄准洞扔球 Balls in holes.
准备好输得落花流水吧 Prepare to lose tragically.
放马过来 大个子 Bring it, big man.
好吧 Okay.
我要换 The limited edition
限量版宇宙守护者戒指 谢谢 Defender of the Universe ring, por favor.
好了 Okay. Here we go.
我早就想要这玩意儿了 Had my eye on this sucker for a while.
我要橡皮 And I will take the pencil eraser.
好 Okay.
你现在是阿鲁斯星球的守护者了 You are now the proud protector of the planet Arus.
而你可以擦掉 And you can erase stuff...
用铅笔写的东西 written in pencil.
小姐 M'lady?
我不想跟你直说 Well, I hate to break it to you,
但你的48分钟用完了 but your 48 minutes are up.
我用它能再换来多少分钟 Hey, how many more minutes can I get for this?
顺便一提 这五头小机器狮子合体后 FYI, five mini lion-bots come together
就会变身成战神金刚 to form one super-bot, so...
五头机器狮子吗 三分钟 Five mini lion-bots? Three minutes.
成交 Deal.
剩下的2分37秒 我们要做什么 What do we do with the remaining two minutes, 37 seconds?
抱抱 Cuddle?
你这样能坚持多久 How long can you keep this up?
一整年 All year?
情人节快乐 Happy Valentine's Day.
春节快乐 Happy Chinese New Year.
是狗年[后入式] Year of the Dog.
放松点 Relax.
国际妇女节快乐 And Happy International Women's Day.
不 不 不 No. No. No.
大斋节快乐 Happy Lent.
-韦德 -抱歉 - Wade? - Sorry.
万圣节快乐 Happy Halloween.
感恩节快乐 Happy Thanksgiving.
我爱你 I love you.
如果你左腿是感恩节 If your left leg is Thanksgiving,
右腿是圣诞节的话 and your right leg is Christmas,
我能不能在假期中间拜访一下你 can I visit you between the holidays?
那毛衣太难看了 That sweater is terrible.
但你穿红色很好看 But red looks good on you.
红色适合你 Red's your color.
让你眼睛里的红血丝更明显了 Brings out the bloodshot in your eyes.
我一直在想 Listen, I've been thinking...
是吗 Really?
为什么我们在一起这么幸福 about why we're so good together.
为什么 Why's that?
咱俩一样疯狂 就跟天雷勾动地火一样 Well, your crazy matches my crazy. Big time.
我们就像两块拼图 And, uh, we're like two jigsaw pieces,
你凹我凸 you know, the weird curvy edges.
把它们拼在一起 就能看到上面的图了 You put them together and you can see the picture on top.
对啊 Right.
韦德 Wade,
我一直想问你 there's something I've been meaning to ask you.
你一直都没问我的这个问题 But only because you haven't gotten around to asking me.
你愿不愿意 Will you...
-插我的... -嫁给我 - stick it in my... - Marry me?
反弹 Jinx?
-你之前把它藏在哪儿了 -没藏哪儿 - Where were you hiding that? - Nowhere.
他们说这要花一个月的工资 They say one month's salary. So...
你是说 You mean?
我愿意 I do.
那是我的词 That's my line.
我爱你 韦德·威尔逊 I love you, Wade Wilson.
你应该说 这么说你... You're supposed to... So that's a...
我愿意 Yes!
棒 Yes!
我感觉自己就像个小女孩 I feel just like a little girl.
可以就这样一直抱着你不放手吗 What if I just held on and never let go?
像尤达趴在卢克背上那样吗 Just ride a bitch's back, like Yoda on Luke.
《星球大战》的梗 Oh, Star Wars jokes.
是《帝国反击战》 Empire.
天啊 Jesus Christ.
你就像是我用电脑做出来的一样 It's like I made you in a computer.
完美 Perfect.
-看看 -我尿尿去 - Let's see. - All right, wee break.
扇一扇晾干 Shake it, yeah.
问题来了 Here's the thing.
生活就是永无休止的灾难片 Life is an endless series of train-wrecks
短暂的幸福就像插播的广告 with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness.
这是最后的广告时段了 This had been the ultimate commercial break.
也就是说 Which meant it was time to return
是时候回归既定的人生了 to our regularly scheduled program.
搞什么 What the...
天啊 韦德 Oh, my God. Wade?
你在开玩笑 You're clowning.
你没开玩笑 You're not clowning?
我觉得你在开玩笑 I sense clowns.
人们得知自己癌症晚期 反应会各不相同 People react to news of late-stage cancer differently.
我们肯定有的研究的 There are certainly options we can look into.
每天都有新药被研发出来 New drugs are being developed every day.
那我们怎么办 So what do we do?
我们肯定能做点什么 Surely there is something we can do.
我叔叔伊凡曾被诊断出甲状腺癌 My uncle Ivan was diagnosed with thyroid cancer,
当时有服用德国进口的实验性药物 and there were all these new experimental drugs from Germany.
瓦妮莎已经在研究方案A方案B Vanessa's already working on Plan A, B,
一直到方案Z all the way through Z.
我干嘛 我在记下她脸庞的细节 Me? I'm memorizing the details of her face.
就好像我是第一次见到一样 Like it's the first time I'm seeing it.
或者是最后一次 Or the last.
威尔逊先生 Mr. Wilson...
威尔逊先生 Mr. Wilson?
花时间去适应 Take your time to process this.
不要轻率行事 这很重要 It's important not to do anything rash.
如果我是弗朗西斯 一个200磅的混蛋 Now, if I were a 200-pound sack of assholes named Francis,
我会躲在哪呢 where would I hide?
当来自萨斯喀彻温省里贾纳的新秀 A hush falls over the crowd as rookie sensation Wade W. Wilson
韦德·W·威尔逊准备射门时 人们鸦雀无声 out of Regina, Saskatchewan, lines up the shot.
他状态不错 His form looks good.
里贾纳市的英文Regina与Vagina(阴道)押韵
这就是为什么一讲到里贾纳市就好笑 And that's why Regina rhymes with fun.
女士们先生们 你们正在见证一场 Ladies and gentlemen, what you're witnessing...
惬意的踹屌复仇 is sweet dick-kicking revenge.
将他暴打一顿 Giving him the business.
来了 Incoming!
简直是把违反体育道德提升到了新境界 This is taking unsportsmanlike conduct to a whole new level!
状态不错 弗朗西斯 精神奕奕 Looking good, Francis. Well rested.
就好像你刚才是棒球投手 而非捕手 Like you've been pitching, not catching.
就像你刚才不是被干 而是干别人
没有印象吗 Ringing any bells? No?
那这样呢 How about now?
该死的韦德·威尔逊 Wade fucking Wilson.
你好呀 美人 Well, hello, gorgeous.
我就像是被有辐射性的沙皮狗咬了一样[蜘蛛侠梗] Yeah, like I got bit by a radioactive Shar-Pei.
这是谁的错 弗朗西斯 Yeah. And whose fault is that, huh, Francis?
是时候恢复你糟蹋过的这张丑脸了 Yeah, time to undo what you did to this butterface.
别扯了 你应该感谢我 Please, you should thank me.
是我把你打造成不死之躯的 Apparently, I made you immortal.
其实我很嫉妒你 I'm actually quite jealous.
是啊 但这样的生活不值得过 是不是 Yeah, but this ain't a life worth living, is it?
我现在要像 Now, I'm about to do to you
软饼干乐队践踏90年代末的音乐一样痛打你 what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s.
爸 Dad?
坏事总会以最异常的方式出岔子 I think we can all agree that shit just went sideways
这一点大家都感同身受 in the most colossal way.
也许还不是"最"异常的 Well, maybe not the most.
这是我最珍贵的东西 This is my most prized possession.
威猛乐队 Wham?
语气不对 威猛乐队 No, no, no. Wham!
乔治和安迪 Make It Big is the album that
正是凭借《名声大噪》这张专辑才大红大紫 George and Andy earned the exclamation point.
我应该面带微笑 So, am I supposed to just smile,
挥手送你出门 and wave you out the door?
把它当成春季大扫除 Think of it like spring cleaning.
只不过是把要死的人扫出去 Only if spring was death.
要是每次对着伯纳德塔·彼特斯撸 God, if I had a nickel for every time
美国著名女演员歌手
都能得到五分钱 我就发财了 I spanked it to Bernadette Peters.
听这声音 你常这么干 Sounds like you do.
伯纳德塔钱包哪也不能去 Bernadette is not going anywhere,
你也哪都不许去 because you're not going anywhere.
喝了它 Drink.
你说得对 You're right.
癌细胞只存在于我的肝脏 肺 前列腺和脑子里 Cancer is only in my liver, lungs, prostate, and brain.
哪怕这些全没了 我也能活 All things I can live without.
这里才是你的家 You belong here at home.
这有你的战神金刚和你的伯纳德塔 Surrounded by your Voltron and your Bernadette,
你的我也在这里 and your me.
听着 Listen,
我们都知道癌症有多么操蛋 we both know that cancer is a shit-show.
美国上世纪著名的喜剧演员
就像是雅科夫·斯米诺夫在爱荷华州际博览会上 Like, a Yakov-Smirnoff-opening-for-the
给定调者乐队的开场表演一样操蛋 Spin-Doctors-at-the-Iowa-State-Fair shit-show.
我决不会让你跟我一起受苦 And under no circumstances will I take you to that show.
我希望你记住现在的我 I want you to remember me.
而不是我的圣诞节鬼魂 Not the ghost of Christmas me.
可我希望记住的是我们两个人 Well, I wanna remember us.
我对天发誓 下辈子我还会找到你 I swear to God, I will find you in the next life,
威猛乐队的经典金曲 《情到深处》也有同样的桥段
然后提着音响站在你窗前放《无心快语》 and I'm gonna boom-box Careless Whisper outside your window.
威猛乐队呢 Wham!
少跟我扯什么放歌 好吗 No one is boom-boxing shit. Okay?
我们能挺过去的 We can fight this.
还有 我刚刚意识到一件事 Besides, I just realized something.
你赢了 You win.
你的人生确实比我的操蛋多了 Your life is officially way more fucked up than mine.
我爱你 I love you.
韦德 Wade.
黄鼠狼 Weas.
看样子要不来杯"口活"再去洗个澡 You look like you need a Blow Job and a shower.
温馨地建议你还是先洗个澡 Though courtesy calls for the latter first.
直接倒三杯培恩酒给我吧 How about three shots of Patron?
要不试试普通小麦加工成的小麦草 Or how about Triticum aestivum, wheatgrass.
对免疫系统帮助可大了 Excellent for the immune system.
老天爷 你怎么和瓦妮莎一个口气 Jesus Christ. You sound like Vanessa.
来 看看这些 Here, check it out.
这堆花花绿绿的都是她预约好的诊所的小册子 She's sending away for all these colorful clinic brochures.
应该是通过了药监局审批的 I'm sure they're all FDA approved.
车臣共和国 去了不会更容易得癌症吗 Chechnya. Isn't that where you go to get cancer?
还有中国和墨西哥中部 You got China and Central Mexico.
知道西班牙语里"癌症"怎么说吗 You know how they say "Cancer" In Spanish?
不知道 No.
癌肿 El Cancer.
我就知道 I could have guessed that.
你看你 笑得多开心 Look how happy you look here.
不介意我收下吧 挂起来 Mind if I keep this? Put it up,
我就能记得你活蹦乱跳的样子了 so I can remember when you looked alive.
既然你得了绝症 At least now I'm gonna win the dead pool.
至少我在死池里下的注不会赔本了 Now that you're gonna die tragically of cancer.
交给我吧 黄鼠狼 谢谢你 I got it, Weas. Thanks.
那边的那个人是来找你的 And, uh, that guy over there came in looking for you.
你还有点死神范儿 Real Grim Reaper type.
不知道 更有神秘感 I don't know. Might further the plot.
布思 Boothe.
韦德 Wade.
威尔逊先生 Mr. Wilson.
有什么可以帮你的吗 How can I help you?
如果是诱拐小孩到货车里那就算了 Besides luring children into a panel van.
我了解到您最近被诊断为癌症晚期 I understand you've recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
你个跟踪狂 Stalker alert.
我就是干这一行的 负责招募 It's my job. Recruitment.
对你艰难的遭遇我深表同情 I'm sorry you've had such a tough go.
不过你以前在特种部队里可是个勇士 But you're a fighter. Special Forces.
杀死了41个人呢 41 confirmed kills.
平均七周送走一个 One every seven weeks.
频率和大多数人理个发差不多 Same rate most folks get a haircut.
喝酒也是为了洗去血腥的味道 It's to wash the taste out.
想忘掉这出色的战绩还真有点困难 It's tough to forget being so impressive.
而你现在却在这种底层里 And now you spend your days,
跟这些乌合之众混日子 sticking up for the little people.
是个人都会变 你想要什么 People change. What do you want?
我代表我的组织向你伸出援手 I represent an organization that may be able to help.
如果我说我们能治好你的癌症 What if I told you we can cure your cancer?
同时赋予你别人梦寐以求的超级力量 And what's more, give you abilities most men only dream of?
你听上去可真像那些电视直销员 I'd say that you sound like an infomercial,
但不像拍拍刀这种东西的 but not a good one, like Slap Chop.
更像卖摇摆哑铃的 More Shake Weight-y.
世界需要超能战士 The world needs extraordinary soldiers.
我们不仅能让你更强大 We won't just make you better.
还能让你登峰造极 We will make you better than better.
成为超级英雄 A superhero.
听着 史密斯特工 Look, Agent Smith,
电影《黑客帝国》里的史密斯特工也是西装革履
以前为了逞英雄我也吃了不少苦头 I tried the hero business and it left a mark.
等我真那么绝望了 会来找你的 But if I ever hit "Fuck it", I'll look you up.
忘了告诉你 方圆五百里内有所学校 Shit. We're within 500 yards of a school,
你要有什么特殊需求的话... so you may wanna...
他的酒算他自己头上 His drink's on him.
他跟你说什么了 What did he say?
你怎么了 Hey, what's going on?
对不起 Sorry.
我做了个关于连姆·尼森的噩梦 I had a Liam Neeson nightmare.
美国系列电影《飓风营救》男主演
我梦到我绑架了他的女儿 I dreamt I kidnapped his daughter
然后他怎么都不放过我 and he just wasn't having it.
这电影还拍了三部 Hey, uh, they've made three of those movies.
让人不禁怀疑他算不算称职的父亲 At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent.
癌症最大的伤害并不在于你自己 The worst part about cancer isn't what it does to you,
而在于对你所爱的人 but what it does to the people you love.
谁知道那家伙能不能救我的命 Who knew if this guy could save my life,
我只知道要想让她过得更好 but I knew there was only one way
这是唯一的出路 that I could save hers.
超级英雄不就该做这些吗 Isn't that what superheroes do?
好了 来列举一下做英雄的利弊吧 Okay. Let's pro-con this superhero thing.
好处嘛 除了能手撕小混混外 Pro, they pull down a gaggle of ass.
洗衣服能打折 还能靠拍电影小捞一笔 Local dry cleaning discounts, lucrative film deals,
个人英雄片或者英雄联盟大电影都行 both origin stories and larger ensemble team movies.
坏处嘛 他们都是死板老师的乖宝宝 Con, they're all lame-ass teacher's pets.
我能听见你说话 You know, I can hear you.
谁跟你说话了 我在跟观众说话 I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to them.
乖乖待着别动 Stay right here.
早就警告过你了 死侍 You've been warned before, Deadpool.
你这鲁莽的行为是对你能力的羞辱 This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers.
你俩都得跟我们走 You will both be coming with us.
听着 钢力士 Look, Colossus,
我现在没时间跟你讲大道理 I don't have time for the goody two-shoes bullshit right now!
你哪位 And you are?
负音波少年弹头 Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
负音波少年... 什么鬼 Negasonic Teenage... What the shit?
这是我听过的最酷的称号了 That's the coolest name ever!
这么说 你是他的助手吗 So, what, you're like, uh, his sidekick?
她是我的学徒 No. Trainee.
让我猜猜看 Let me guess.
X战警留你在这里做什么 苦差事吗 X-Men left you behind on what? Shit detail?
那你又来这里干什么 What does that make you?
假装你不在 负音波少年弹头 Pretending you're not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
我们能交换名字吗 Can we trade names?
我们能走了吗 Can we go?
看啊 我可是个青春期少女 Look! I'm a teenage girl.
待在哪里都比这里好 I'd rather be anywhere than here.
我现在就不想说话 I'm all about long sullen silences,
还有冷言冷语 还有不想说话 followed by mean comments, followed by more silences.
所以你会怎么做呢 So what's it gonna be, huh?
一言不发生闷气 Long sullen silence,
还是冷言冷语 说吧 or mean comment? Go on.
好吧 我答不上来了 You got me in a box here.
我们决不允许你这样做 死侍 We can't allow this, Deadpool.
你就安静地跟我们走吧 Please, come quietly.
你他妈就是个铁皮裹着的死脑筋 You big chrome cock-gobbler!
你怎么这么说话 That's not nice.
你确定要这么搅我的局 You're really gonna fuck this up for me?
相信我 那个渣滓他就是活该 Trust me, that wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming.
他就是个大魔头 He's pure evil.
再说了 也没人受伤嘛 Besides, nobody's getting hurt.
我来之前那人就挂在那里了 That guy was already up there when I got here.
韦德 其实你可以更好的 Wade, you are better than this.
加入我们 用超能力去行善 Join us. Use your powers for good.
小心 Heads up.
做一个超级英雄 Be a superhero.
听着 Listen!
等哪天我决定成为抓罪犯的好手 The day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit-swizzler,
决定可以跟一班可怜虫 who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners,
同住在一个怪脾气老头的梦幻豪宅里 at the Neverland mansion of some creepy, old, bald,
那老东西还像极了天堂之门[邪教]的成员 Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker.
等到了那一天 On that day,
我会给你这亮闪闪的傻蛋发好友申请的 I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request.
不过在那之前 我得先解决这个正事 But until then, I'mma do what I came here to do.
敢拦我 小心我打得你亲妈都不认识 Either that or slap the bitch outta you!
韦德 Wade...
闭嘴 平头小子 Zip it, Sinead!
看你后面 死蠢 Hey, douche-pool!
你也给我睁着眼睛看好了... And I hope you're watching...
还真是可惜了 Quite unfortunate.
我受够了 That does it!
此处为顺口衔接加拿大国歌 国歌第一句为"O Canada"
加拿大 Canada!
这可不妙 That's not good.
韦德 别闹了 Wade, please.
猴子偷桃 Cock shot!
你老婆真不性福 Oh, your poor wife.
你别再闹了 You really should stop.
"所有的恐龙都害怕霸王龙" All the dinosaurs feared the T. Rex.
我发誓我不会饶了你的 大块头 I promise this gets worse for you, big boy!
好害怕 This is embarrassing.
闹够了 躺着别动吧 Please, stay down.
你有听过踢屁股比赛有单脚参赛的吗 You ever hear of the one-legged man in the ass-kicking contest?
有能让你消停的开关吗 Do you have off switch?
有啊 就在前列腺旁边 Yeah, it's right next to the prostate.
说不定是启动的开关[前列腺高潮] Or is that the on switch?
够了 Enough!
去找教授谈谈吧 Let us go talk to the Professor.
麦卡沃伊演的还是斯图尔特演的 McAvoy or Stewart?
他们的时间线可真够乱的 These timelines are so confusing.
出自电影《机械战警》台词
"无论你是死是活 我都要带你走" "Dead or alive, you're coming with me!"
你会康复的 韦德 You will recover, Wade.
你一向都可以 You always do.
讲述男主登山被困断臂自救的电影
你们看过《127小时》吗 剧透预警 You ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert.
老天爷 真恶心 Oh, my God. Nasty.
颜射一脸了哟 宝贝 Oh, there's the money shot, baby.
美国畅销书《神啊 我是玛格丽特》书名 书中女主角初次例假便血崩
神啊 我是玛格丽特 Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
倒霉透顶 Rock, meet bottom.
当操蛋的生活让你无法喘息时 And when life ends up breathtakingly fucked,
你总会回想起那个糟糕的重大决定 you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision.
正是那个决定送你上了不归路 The one that sent you down the road to Shitsburgh.
这个 就是我的决定 This? Well, this was mine.
威尔逊先生 Mr. Wilson.
最让我欣慰的莫过于看到一个人回心转意 Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's.
你终于走到了这步 You finally hit "Fuck it."
只要答应我别使坏就行了 Just promise you'll do right by me.
这样我才有机会对另一个人好 So I can do right by someone else.
那当然 Of course.
此处暗讽男主角之前拍过的电影《绿灯侠》的绿色战衣
另外可以别把超级战衣做成绿的吗 And please don't make the super-suit green.
特效的也不要 Or animated.
继续走 别停下 Move it! Keep moving.
你们这里还真是干净啊 This place seems sanitary.
你们能动作温柔一点吗 My first request is warmer hands.
我去 来张温暖的手术台多好 Oh! And, Jesus, a warmer table.
我们要不想一个安全暗号吧 伙计们 We should really come up with a safe word, fellas.
我觉得"猪肉与豌豆"不错 I'm thinking "Pork and beans."
轻点 Easy.
你一个女士力气也太大了吧 Aren't you a little strong for a lady?
该不会有小弟弟吧 I'm calling wang.
为什么要叼根火柴 What's up with the matches?
是不含东西不舒服还是学你偶像史泰龙 Oral fixation or just a big Stallone fan?
耐心点 安吉尔 Patience, Angel.
以后有的是机会 All in good time.
你是来帮我铺床的吗 Are you here for the turndown service, or what?
又来一个话唠 We have another talker.
我只是初来乍到有点小兴奋罢了 I'm just excited about my first day at superhero camp.
给老娘闭嘴 Shut the fuck up.
威尔逊先生 我叫阿贾克斯 Mr. Wilson, my name's Ajax.
负责这个机构的运营 I manage this workshop.
以前我的欢迎致辞总是那么委婉 My welcome speech used to be full of euphemisms like,
"可能会有点疼" "This may hurt a little."
"可能会有点不舒服" "This may cause you some discomfort."
现在我喜欢有话直说 But I've grown blunt.
这个机构不归政府管 This workshop is not a government-led program.
这个私人机构 It's a private institution
专门负责把像你这样的废物 that turns reclamation projects like yourself,
改造成拥有超能力的人 into men of extraordinary abilities.
但如果你觉得获得超能力没有痛苦的话 But if you think super-human powers are acquired painlessly...
那就错了 Wrong.
现在给你注射的血清 I'm injecting you with a serum
能激活你DNA里潜在的突变基因 that activates any mutant genes lurking in your DNA.
为了见效 我们得让你经受一些极端的压力 For it to work we need to subject you to extreme stress.
你应该听过这句话吧 You've heard that whole
"吃得苦中苦 方为人上人" "Make an omelet, break some eggs" Bit, right?
我会好好折磨你的 韦德 I'm about to hurt you, Wade.
想当年我也是这里的一员病号 I was a patient here once myself, you know.
治疗的最终效果也因人而异 The treatment affects everyone differently.
比如安吉尔变得异常强壮 It made Angel inhumanly strong.
至于我 则是增强了我的反应能力 In my case, it enhanced my reflexes.
但也烧坏了神经末梢 从此失去痛觉 Also scorched my nerve endings, so I no longer feel pain.
不过事实上 我失去了一切感觉 And, in fact, I no longer feel anything.
谢谢 谢谢 太谢谢了 Thanks! Thank you. Thank you.
你的牙齿上粘了点东西 You have something in your teeth.
就在门牙的正中间 Right in the middle there. Just, I don't...
也许是菜渣或者别的什么 A little nugget of romaine lettuce or something.
看得我可难受了 It's been bothering me for a long time.
看了吧 Made you look.
你的真名就叫阿贾克斯吗 Hey, is Ajax your actual name?
这名字听起来未免也太假了 Because it sounds suspiciously made up.
说真的 叫什么 What is it, really?
凯文 布鲁斯 斯科特 Kevin? Bruce? Scott?
米奇 里斯特 Mitch? The Rickster?
英国情景喜剧《弗尔蒂旅馆》的主角名字
难道是贝塞尔·弗尔蒂 Is it Basil Fawlty?
随便开玩笑 Oh, joke away.
反正你也笑不了多久了 One thing that never survives this place is a sense of humor.
走着瞧 We'll see about that.
我等着 I suppose we will.
他就交给你了 He's all yours.
不会吧 Oh, come on.
你还真把我一个人扔这里吗 You're gonna leave me all alone here.
美国电视节目工作者兼喜剧演员 常在节目里骂人
还是和没脾气的罗茜·欧唐内在一起 With less-angry Rosie O'Donnell?
事情就是这样 This is how it's going to work.
肾上腺素充当了血清的催化剂 Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the serum,
所以我们会拼尽全力地折磨你 so we're going to have to make you suffer.
如果你够幸运 突变基因会被激活 If you're lucky, the mutant genes will activate,
效果令人惊艳 and manifest in a spectacular fashion.
否则的话 我们就得继续 If not, well, we'll have to keep on hurting you,
用各种不同的方式折磨你 in new and different ways,
让疼痛不断升级 each more painful than the last
直到你成功变异 until you finally mutate.
或者死去 Or die.
你是说遗愿清单吗 You mean a bucket list?
像一张酷事清单 Like a fuck-it list.
我想用奥运火炬 I'd really like to light a spliff
点一根大麻 off the Olympic torch.
点完记得传给我 Pass it to me right after.
别忘了还有和WNBA萨克拉门托君主队的队员 Let's not forget naked tandem base-jumping
一起双人裸体定点跳伞 with the WNBA's Sacramento Monarchs.
我清单上每一项都和在公共场合裸体有关 Anything on my bucket list would involve public nudity.
最后 给梅勒迪斯·巴克斯特送一个闷屁 Finally, giving Meredith Baxter-Birney a Dutch oven.
不 我想吸她一个闷屁 No. Receiving a Dutch oven from Meredith Baxter-Birney.
给我的孩子们做香蕉薄饼 Making banana pancakes for my kids.
瓦妮莎 Vanessa.
我想见瓦妮莎 I wanna see Vanessa.
你们真可爱 You're lovely.
我不知道别人怎么想 但我深受感动 I don't know about anyone else, but I'm touched.
我们只是在开玩笑 We were just joking.
不 没关系的 No, no. It's okay.
我鼓励消遣 I encourage distractions.
我们不会希望你们放弃的 不是吗 Wouldn't want you giving up on us, now would we?
别被他唬住 坎宁安 Hey, don't take any shit from him, Cunningham.
他能有多厉害 How tough can he be,
作为一个叫弗朗西斯的人 with a name like Francis?
弗朗西斯 Francis?
那是他真名 That's his legal name.
他从洗洁精上取了阿贾克斯这个名字 He got "Ajax" From the dish soap.
F R A N C I F, r, a, n, c, i...
从你实验服的干洗标签上拽下来的 Snagged the dry cleaning tag off your lab coat.
也许我可以给你个超级英雄折扣 FYI, I could probably get you the superhero discount.
你真是太烦人了 You are so relentlessly annoying.
谢谢 Thanks.
从未听过有人这么说我 Never heard that before.
为了所有人好 闭上你的嘴好吗 Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up?
否则我会把你漂亮的嘴给缝上 Or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut.
如果我是你 我才不会这么做 I wouldn't do that if I were you.
全天候不间断的折磨 See, here's the problem with
最大的问题 round-the-clock torture
就是很难再更进一步 is that you can't really step it up from there.
你是这么想的吗 Is that what you think?
如果这都不能激发你的变异 那么 If this doesn't unlock your mutation, then, well...
就没有什么能了 nothing will.
我们要做的就是 Now, what we're going to do is
降低空气中的氧气含量 lower the oxygen concentration in the air...
恰好到你觉得呼吸困难的程度 to the exact point you feel like you're suffocating.
如果你脑电波减缓 If your brainwaves slow,
意味着你快死了 meaning you're about to pass out,
那我们就加点氧气 then we'll turn up the O2.
如果你心率减缓 If your heart rate slows,
意味着你能够喘口气了 meaning you're able to catch your breath,
我们就减少氧气 we'll turn it back down.
然后就不管你了 And that's where we'll leave you.
就这个状态 Right there.
我还觉得你们之前就够混蛋了 Oh, and I thought you guys were dicks before.
你知道最有趣的地方是什么吗 You know the funniest part of this?
你还觉得我们在把你变成超级英雄 You still think we're making you a superhero.
你这个被开除军籍的废物 You. A dishonorable discharge.
只配跟妓女苟合 Hip-deep in hookers.
你什么也不是 You're nothing.
告诉你个小秘密 韦德 Little secret, Wade.
这里并不制造超级英雄 This workshop doesn't make superheroes,
我们制造超级奴隶 we make super-slaves.
我们会给你带上控制项圈 We're gonna fit you with a control collar
然后把你竞拍给出价最高的买家 and auction you off to the highest bidder.
谁知道他们会让你做什么呢 Who knows what they'll have you doing?
恐吓市民 镇压自由斗士 Terrorizing citizens, putting down freedom fighters.
或者只是偶尔修修草坪 Maybe just mow the occasional lawn.
你他妈有什么毛病 What the fuck is wrong with you?
从今往后 你再也不能回家 You're never going home after this.
这才是勇敢的表情 Now there's a brave face.
等等 等等 Wait, wait! Wait. Wait.
说真的 你牙里现在真的有东西 Seriously, you actually have something in your teeth now.
周末愉快 Enjoy your weekend.
周末 等等 "Weekend"? Back up.
整个周末吗 Weekend?
我说过这是个爱情故事吗 Did I say this was a love story?
不 这是部恐怖电影 No, it's a horror movie.
我勒个去 Fucking hell.
看来有人再也不敢见人咯 Looks like someone lost his shot at Homecoming King.
你对我做了什么 What have you done to me?
我仅仅是提高了你的压力水平 I've merely raised your stress levels
高到足以激发变异 high enough to trigger a mutation.
你个虐待狂 You sadistic fuck!
我治好了你 韦德 I've cured you, Wade.
如今你变异过的细胞能治愈任何东西 Now your mutated cells can heal anything.
你的癌细胞一长出来 就会被攻击 It's attacking your cancer as fast as it can form.
我也见过类似的副作用 Yeah, I've seen similar side-effects before.
我能治好他们 I could cure them,
但那样还有什么乐趣呢 but where's the fun in that?
我现在要再把你关进去了 韦德 Now, I'm gonna shut you in again, Wade.
不是因为我需要这么做 Not because I need to.
而是我乐意 Because I want to.
好吧 Oh, well.
动手吧 Go ahead.
你闻起来臭死了 Oh, you smell like shit.
狗娘养的 Motherfucker.
没关系的 没关系的 It's all right, it's all right.
这是我们欠他的 不是吗 I think we owe him that one, yeah?
走吧 You take off. Go on.
走吧 Off you go.
快速回答我 Quick question.
我叫什么名字 What's my name?
就觉得你不会嘴硬了 Didn't think so.
抱歉 弗朗西斯 我嘴张不开 Sorry, Francis. My lips are sealed.
氧气
你不会想杀我的 You don't want to kill me.
我是唯一能治好你那张丑脸的人 I'm the only one who can fix your ugly mug.
我叫什么名字 What's my name?
韦德 Wade.
不仅能治癌症 I didn't just get the cure to el cancer,
一切都能治 I got the cure to el everything.
但只有一件事 But there was only one thing
是最重要的 that really mattered.
走吧 Come on, let's go.
一定很疼吧 Oh, that must hurt.
谢谢你 Thank you so much.
他长得真他妈丑 God, he's so fucking gnarly.
看看他的脸 Look at his face.
天啊 可怜的家伙 Oh, my God. Poor guy.
亲爱的 别看了 Honey, don't stare.
怪胎 Freak.
不 我不能让她的生活和我的一样丑陋 No way. I'm not making her life as ugly as mine.
没有这么糟 韦德 Come on, Wade, it can't be that bad.
胡说 Ah, bullshit!
我是从内而外的怪物 I'm a monster inside and out.
就该待在马戏团 I belong in a fucking circus.
韦德 瓦妮莎爱你 Wade, Vanessa loves you.
她不会在意你... She doesn't care what you...
喜欢你看到的吗 Do you like what you see?
不 No.
你看起来像一个牛油果 You look like an avocado,
操了一个更老更恶心的牛油果 had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
-没错 -很粗暴地仇恨对操 - Yeah. - Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking.
它们的关系出现了问题 There was something wrong with the relationship,
这是它们唯一能找到的 and that was the only catharsis
不使用暴力的宣泄方式 that they could find without violence.
而唯一能修好这张丑脸的人 And the only guy who can fix this fugly mug,
是经营那间变种人机构的英国屎棍 is the British shitstick who ran the mutant factory.
而他不见了 And he's gone.
哇 Poof!
你得想办法补救一下 Yeah, well you gotta do something to remedy this,
因为现在 because as of now,
你只有一条出路 you only have one course of action.
说得没错 Damn straight.
-找到弗朗西斯 -演恐怖电影 - Find Francis. - Star in horror films.
什么 What?
主演自己的恐怖电影 Star in your own horror films.
因为你看起来像弗莱迪·克鲁格用脸 Because you look like Freddy Krueger
恐怖电影《猛鬼街》里丑陋的杀手
操了犹他州地形图 face-fucked a topographical map of Utah.
接下来我要做的就是 Here's what I'm actually gonna do.
逐个干掉他的手下 I'm gonna work through his crew
直到有人供出弗朗西斯 until somebody gives up Francis.
逼他帮我恢复容貌 然后打爆他的头 Force him to fix this, then put a bullet in his skull,
再操他脑袋上的洞 and fuck the brain hole.
我不想看到也不想再想象那个画面 I don't wanna see that or think of it again.
但那个混蛋以为你死了 对吧 But the douchebag does thinks you're dead, right?
没错 Yeah.
很好 你要保持这个优势 That's good. You should keep it that way.
比如戴个面具吗 What, like, wear a mask?
没错 厚厚的面具 一直戴着 Yes. A very thick mask. All the time.
抱歉 I am sorry,
你有一张阴魂不散的脸 you are haunting.
你的脸就是噩梦 Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
像长了牙的睾丸 Like a testicle with teeth.
你将孤独地死去 You will die alone.
前提是你会死的话 I mean, if you could die.
那样最好 为了其他人 Ideally, for others' sake.
够了 That'll do.
你现在需要的是一套衣服跟一个名字 All you need now is a suit and a nickname,
像俏皮鬼韦德 like Wade the Wisecracker,
或者小胆侠 不死先生 or Scaredevil, Mr. Neverdie.
妈的 Oh, shit.
怎么了 What?
我用所有钱赌你会死 I put all my money on you and now...
忽然意识到我永远无法赢 I just realized I'm never gonna win the...
死侍 Dead pool.
死池
死侍队长 Captain Deadpool.
不 No, just...
-就死侍好了 -就叫死侍 - Just Deadpool, yeah. - Just Deadpool.
敬你 死侍先生 To you, Mr. Pool.
死侍 Deadpool.
听起来像系列电影 That sounds like a fucking franchise.
有他好受的了 This shit's gonna have nuts in it.
弗朗西斯在哪 Where's Francis?
用苏打水和柠檬能去除血渍 Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
或者穿红色 蠢货 Or wear red. Dumbass.
别让我问第二次 Don't make me ask twice.
弗朗西斯 Where
在哪 is Francis?
他让我问了两次 He made me ask twice.
是面具遮住了我的声音吗 Is the mask muffling my voice?
弗朗西斯在哪 Where's Francis?
他妈的弗朗西斯在哪 Where the fuck is Francis?
你马上就要被磨冰机碾死了 You're about to be killed by a Zamboni.
弗朗西斯在哪 Where's Francis?
不要 求求你 No! Please!
天啊 对不起 Oh, God! I'm so sorry!
你个小蜘蛛猴 You little spider monkey!
弗朗西斯在哪 Where is Francis?
我很迷惑 This is confusing.
打你算不算性别歧视 Is it sexist to hit you?
还是不打更像呢 Is it more sexist to not hit you?
这好难说得清 I mean, the line gets real blurry.
弗朗西斯在哪 Where is Francis?
告诉我你那混账老板在哪 Tell me where your fucking boss is,
否则你就死定了 or you're gonna die!
给你五分钟 In five minutes!
史密斯特工
有需要随时打给我 Don't hesitate to call me.
很高兴见到你 杰瑞德 Nice to see you, Jared.
我要最长的三明治 I'll take the footlong...
塞满东西 Fully loaded.
我杀过41个人 41 confirmed kills.
现在已经89个了 马上就满90 Now it's 89. About to be 90.
威尔逊先生 Mr. Wilson?
猜对了 Ding-ding.
你看起来生龙活虎的 You're looking very alive.
只是看起来而已 Only on the outside!
我是不是会不得善终 This is not going to end well for me, is it?
没错 你将不得善终 This is not gonna end well for you, no.
你老板在哪 Where's your boss?
我可以告诉你确切的... I can tell you exactly...
你会告诉我的 但首先 Oh, you'll tell me. But first...
镜头麻烦回避一下 You might wanna look away for this.
"这只小猪猪去了..." Now this little piggy went to...
英文儿歌《五只小猪》开头歌词
谢谢你 史密斯特工 Thank you, Agent Smith.
出租车 Taxi!
进来吧 适合兜风的好日子 Hop in! Great day for a ride.
我们都知道这段的结局 And we all know how this turned out.
不好意思 没想给你看这个 Whoops! You weren't meant to see that.
都说完了 There. All caught up.
我们到了 We're here.
抱歉血弄脏了你的垃圾 Sorry about bleeding in all your garbage.
用苏打水和柠檬能去除血渍 Seltzer water and lemon for blood.
有股怒气难以遏制 Some kinds of anger can't be managed,
比如说你计划了一年 like the kind where your year-long plan
到头来却肢解错了人 ends with the wrong guy getting dismembered!
虽然这么说 当舔舐伤口时 That said, when it comes time to licking wounds,
没有比家更好的地方 there's no place like home.
而这个家里有个人你们之前也见过 And I share that home with someone you've met,
就是洗衣店那个瞎的老女人艾尔 the old blind lady from the laundromat, Al.
天啊 我想吸可卡因 God, I miss cocaine.
她 Her.
打破第四堵墙里面还要打破 Fourth-wall break inside a fourth-wall break.
戏剧术语 指角色能与观众互动
那就相当于十六堵墙了 That's like 16 walls.
我跟她就像罗宾之于蝙蝠侠 She's like Robin to my Batman,
只不过她又老 又黑 又瞎 except she's old, and black, and blind.
而且我觉得她爱上我了 And I think she's in love with me.
慢着 罗宾应该也爱蝙蝠侠 Wait, pretty sure Robin loves Batman, too.
艾尔 Al?
早 小懒虫 Morning, sleepyhead.
怎么有一股老女人的裤裆味 It smells like old lady pants in here.
没错 我老了 还穿着裤子 Yes, I'm old. I wear pants.
但你不女人 But you're no lady.
真舒服 Oh! So comfy.
瞎了的好处 是看不到你穿"洞洞鞋" Upside of being blind, I've never seen you in Crocs.
你是指我那些很大的橡胶自慰玩意吗 You mean my big, rubber masturbating shoes?
是啊 Yes, I know.
瞎了的坏处 Downside of being blind,
就是这屋里的一切我都听得一清二楚 I hear everything in this duplex.
被爆菊了 Sit on a stick.
要百可汀[急救喷雾]吗 Bactine?
没错 百可汀应该管用 Yeah. Bactine should do it.
皆为宜家家具品牌
那边的库伦抽屉柜是哪儿来的 How's that Kullen coming along?
宜家好像不提供上门安装服务吧 IKEA doesn't assemble itself, you know.
还用你说 我对库伦不感冒 You're telling me. I don't mind the Kullen.
这是胡铎的升级产品 It's an improvement on the Hurdal.
拜托 买什么都比胡铎好 Please. Anything's an improvement over the Hurdal.
我宁愿选汉尼斯或者特里索也不选胡铎 I'd have taken an Hemnes or a Trysil over the Hurdal.
不 还是只对库伦动心 Oh, no, I didn't get excited till I saw the Kullen.
给我滚[性交] Screw, please.
现在吗 在这做 开玩笑吧 Here? Now? Just kidding.
知道你下面无人问津多年 I know it's been decades.
你肯定想不到 You'd be surprised.
真恶心 Pretty grossed out.
搞...定 Ta... Da.
免费分类广告网站
就不该在克雷格上买东西 I wish I never heard of Craigslist.
诚征室友 要求如下 And I quote, "Looking for roommate,
"能够做到熟视无睹" "Blind to life's imperfections.
"还要手活好" "Must be good with hands."
要不然我来装柜子 你付房租 Or would you rather I build the IKEA, and you pay rent?
怎么一大早嘴巴就那么臭 Why such a douche this morning?
我长话短说 Let's recap.
那个把我变成这样的湿疣男 The cock thistle that turned me into this freak,
今天从我手上溜掉了 slipped through my arms today.
害我手都没了 Arm.
抓住他是我变回帅哥的唯一机会 Catching him was my only chance to be hot again,
这样才能和我超性感的前任复合 get my super sexy ex back,
并阻止我身上的悲剧继续发生 and prevent this shit from happening to someone else.
所以没错 今天就像被砂纸巨根插过一样爽 So, yeah, today was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
再打个标签 Hashtag driveby.
终于知道穿红色套装的是哪位老朋友了 Found out who our friend in the red suit is.
是他妈的韦德·威尔逊 Fucking Wade Wilson.
换我长那样也会戴面具 I suppose I'd wear a mask too if I had a face like that.
不过真羡慕他的自愈能力 I only wish I healed the same.
不过还是要甩掉他 Still, we'll put him out of our misery.
用我们的方式 On our terms.
好吧 可是他可以自愈 Right. And when he heals?
别担心 He can't.
连渣都不剩看他怎么重新长 Not if there's nothing left of him to heal.
有趣的是我差点就想他了 You know, it's funny. I almost miss the fucker.
我喜欢挑战 I like a challenge.
但影响我们生意的必须除掉 But he's bad for business.
一起去找他吧 Now let's go find him.
要泰诺安[止疼喷剂]吗 Tylenol PM?
可以塞到你塞百可汀的地方 You can stick that where you stuck the Bactin.
我吃了藏在智齿里的扑热息痛 I raided my stash of wisdom tooth Percocet,
现在晕到神游外太空 and I am orbiting fucking Saturn right now.
你的好意我心领了 But I appreciate the gesture.
是我疯了吗 还是你的手真这么小 Am I crazy, or is your hand really small?
跟肯德基的小餐叉差不多 About the size of a KFC spork.
我明白你为什么火大 I get why you're so pissy,
但不找这个姑娘 but your mood's never gonna brighten,
一诉衷肠的话 till you find this woman,
你永远都不会释怀 and tell her how you feel.
我怎么跟你说的 马古夫人 What do I keep telling you, Mrs. Magoo?
马古是电影《脱线先生》里脑袋有点糊涂的老头
她不会接受我的 She wouldn't have me.
你要能看到我的样子就明白了 If you could see me, you'd understand.
长相不是一切 Looks aren't everything.
长相就是一切 Looks are everything.
你听过贝克汉姆说话吗 You ever heard David Beckham speak?
吐槽小贝长得帅嗓门尖
就像对着罐氦气口交一样 It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium.
你觉得瑞安·雷诺兹[死侍扮演者] You think Ryan Reynolds got this far
能有今天是靠他精湛的演技吗 on his superior acting method?
爱情是盲目的 韦德 Love is blind, Wade.
不 No.
你才是真的盲 You're blind.
那你就打算躺在这逼逼一辈子吗 So, you're just gonna lie there and whimper?
不 我要等这只小手度过它的青春期 No, I'm gonna wait till this arm plows through puberty,
然后再来一个全新的圣诞计划 and then I'm gonna come up with a whole new Christmas Day plan.
与此同时 In the meantime,
你可能会想要走开 you might wanna leave the room.
用这只手撸一定感觉自己很大 I bet it feels huge in this hand.
去吧去吧去吧 Go, go, go.
医生说"坏消息是" So, the doctor says, "The bad news is
"你没多少日子了" "You don't have that long to live."
病人就问"我还能活多久" So, the patient says, "How long do I have?"
医生答"五" The doctor says, "Five."
那家伙问"五什么" The guy says, "Five what?"
医生继续说"四 三 二" And the doctor says, "Four, three, two..."
有事吗 小妞们 Can I help you ladies?
还真有 Oh, I do hope so.
听说你能给我提供 I heard you might be able to point me
我一个朋友的消息 in the direction of a friend of mine.
他叫韦德·威尔逊 Name of Wade Wilson.
不好意思 Sorry.
没听说过 I don't know the name.
吧台里闲人禁止入内 Hey, you're not supposed to be behind the bar.
我见过这个女的 I've seen this girl.
想必这就是瓦妮莎了 Ah, this must be Vanessa.
可没少听说你 I've heard so much about you.
亲爱的 看看四周 Sweetheart, you might wanna look around.
这么干不合适吧 This isn't really the place to do something like that.
别激动 安吉尔 Easy, Angel.
放下这小子 Put the little man down.
需要的东西已经找到了 We have everything we need now.
你确定 You sure?
不换件鲜艳点的衣服吗 You don't want any clothes that are not monochromatic?
《刀锋战士2》的午夜放映开心 Have fun at your midnight showing of Blade II.
多谢你们挺我 伙计们 Thanks for having my back, guys.
韦德 我们有麻烦了 Wade, we have a fucking problem.
我是说你有麻烦了 And by "We," I mean "You."
真不敢相信我要去见她了 I can't believe I'm doing this.
有什么词可以表示既害怕又愤怒的 Is there a word for half afraid, half angry?
"害愤"吧 Yeah, "Afrangry", I guess.
你想好跟她说什么了吗 Have you decided what you're gonna say to her?
完了[操我] Fuck me!
这开场白可不怎么样 Uh, maybe not start with that.
现在即将上台 Hey, coming onto our stage right now,
让我们掌声欢迎"童贞" give it up for Chastity!
怎么不直接叫"讽刺"呢 Or as I like to call her, Irony.
得赶在那帮傻逼之前找到她 Better find her fast before numbnuts does.
你怎么知道她在这 How do you know she's in here?
我一直在跟踪这只小狐狸 Because I'm constantly stalking that fox.
每次看到她都宛如初见 Every time I see her, it's like the first time.
尤其是从这个角度 Especially from this angle.
爱情无法买卖 You can't buy love,
但你可以租三分钟来玩玩 but you can rent it for three minutes.
你这个懦夫 Ah, you weak motherfucker!
拜托 Come on!
拜托 像样点 Come on, get it together.
不是为了自己 而是为了瓦妮莎 This isn't about me, this is about Vanessa.
出发 Here we go.
全力以赴 Maximum effort.
瓦妮莎 Vanessa.
有人在后门找你 Someone out back asking for you.
说是关于你前男友的 Something about, uh, an old boyfriend.
我就知道是你 I knew it was you.
我凹你凸 The weird, curvy edges.
就像两块拼图 Like a jigsaw puzzle.
去谢韦德·威尔逊吧 You have Wade Wilson to thank for this.
她去哪儿了 Hey. Hey! Where'd she go?
往后门去了 Uh, I saw her head to the back.
上吧 小老虎 Go get her, tiger.
蜘蛛侠女友在每次蜘蛛侠出任务时说的一句话
该死 该死 Fuck. Fuck!
王八蛋 Motherfucker!
-等等 我们还是 -鸡巴玩意 - Wait, wait. Let's... Just... - Cock juggling...
-我们可以商量一下 -去你妈的 - We can talk about what we're gonna... - Jiminy! Fuck face!
好吧 你也可以揍它一顿泄愤 Okay, or you can hit that.
-对 就这样 -操 操 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Fuck! Fuck!
好了 够了 No, no. All right. Hey!
操 操 Fuck! Fuck!
我操 Fuck!
放轻松 放轻松 好了 Relax. Relax. Okay.
好了 冷静下来也好 Okay. I think that's a good start.
我要手撕了这个狗娘养的 Oh, I'm gonna rip his motherfucking...
等等 Wait.
-找出来 找出来 -什么 - Find it! Find it. - What?
-我他妈要暴走了 -好的好的 - I'm gonna get angry. - Okay. All right.
好了 好了 All right. Okay. All right.
看哪 是瓦妮莎发来的 Here. This is Vanessa.
-什么 -不 等等 是弗朗西斯 - What? - No, wait. It's Francis.
想见她吗 中午12点垃圾场见 爱你的阿贾克斯
他想让你去找他 He wants you to come to him.
-那是什么 -是一坨屎的表情符号 - What is that? - That's the shit emoji.
就是在屎上画了一个笑脸 You know, it's the turd with the smiling face and the eyes?
我一直以为是巧克力酸奶 I thought it was chocolate yogurt for so long.
拿枪来 I need guns.
好的 要什么枪 Okay, which ones?
全拿出来 I need all the guns!
好吧 好的 All right. Okay.
当今世上最性感的男人 休·杰克曼
这大概有3000发子弹 That's about 3,000 rounds.
大家都知道我用12发就能干掉多少人 We all know what I can do with 12.
美国乡村音乐传奇人物 外形酷似艾尔
小心点 罗尼·米萨普 Hey, hey, careful with that, Ronnie Milsap!
别打着我们 We're downrange.
本来打算今晚装一下宜家的伯尔杰椅子 I was gonna spend the night assembling the Borje,
但好像你们这更有趣 but this is holding my interest.
我说了买沃瓦什 不要伯尔杰 I told you, we're going with the Urvaj, not the Borje.
过过脑子 记不住就滚蛋 Get it through your head or get out of fuck town.
靠 整个屋子的枪都在这了 Shit. That's all the pieces in the house.
来 交出来吧 Come on. Let's go. Cough it up.
快快快 Up, up, up.
放下放下放下 Down, down, down.
去你的 Fuck you.
点四五口径 我喜欢 45 cal. I like it.
韦德 Wade
我该跟你一起去 可我怂了 I'd go with you, but I don't want to.
艾尔 Listen, Al.
要是我回不来的话 If I never see you again,
希望你知道我心中一直爱你 I want you to know that I love you very much.
对了 公寓里还藏了 And also, uh, there's about 116 kilos of cocaine
116公斤可卡因 buried somewhere in the apartment,
就放在复明药方旁 祝你好运 right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck.
想嗨一下吗 You wanna get fucked up?
把她放在那 Put her down over here.
撕开吧 Go on then.
谢谢啊 阴阳人 说你呢 Thanks, dickless. And I mean you.
原来也是个嘴欠的 和韦德一样 You're a talker too. You and Wade.
都说了 你们这帮混蛋 I've been trying to tell you assholes,
抓错人了 you've got the wrong girl.
我前男友早就死了 My old boyfriend, he's dead.
我原本也这么以为 可他就是不消停啊 See, I thought that too. But he keeps on coming back.
像蟑螂一样 Like a cockroach,
但丑多了 but uglier.
我是没痛觉 但他有 Now, I may not feel, but he does.
你都在我手上了 看他还怎么跟我打 Let's see how he fights with your head on the block.
你是《异形3》里的里普利吧 Ripley, from Alien 3!
与影片中女主角造型相似
靠 死老头 Fuck, you're old.
看我这皮笑肉不笑的样子 Fake laugh. Hiding real pain.
去叫银球[性玩具]吧 Go get Silver Balls.
起那么早赶着去吃什么早餐特惠吗 You guys going for a bite? Early bird special?
在太阳下山之前吃个早餐 Oh, like there's something wrong
或者省点钱有什么错吗 with eating before sundown or saving money.
不 还记得你们放走的那个坏蛋吗 No, you know that bad guy that you let go?
他绑了我马子 He's got my girl.
你们得帮我救她回来 You're gonna help me get her back.
韦德 是你吗 Wade, is that you?
对 是我 死侍 Yeah, it's me, Deadpool,
带着你们无法拒绝的条件 and I got an offer that you can't refuse.
我就在这等着吧 I'm gonna wait out here, okay?
这房子真大 It's a big house.
搞笑的是总是只有你们两个人 It's funny that I only ever see two of you.
就好像制片方没钱再请一个X战警一样 It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man.
这就是为什么 And that is why, in my opinion,
我觉得《魔茧》是一部纯粹的色情片 the movie Cocoon is pure pornography.
那个浑身亮闪闪的大块头是谁 Who brought this twinkly man?
亮闪闪 要人命 Twinkly, but deadly.
这位长着铬合金鸡鸡的朋友 My chrome-penised friend back there
是来挺我的 has agreed to do me this solid.
作为交换 我答应他 In exchange, I said that I would
会考虑加入他的男子天团 consider joining his boy band.
才不是男子天团 It's not boy band.
当然不是 Sure it's not.
和吉塔怎么样 能抱得美人归吗 So, any luck winning Gita back?
我尽力了 死先生 I tried to hold on tight, Mr. Pool.
但班度比我更帅更狡猾 But Bandhu is more craftier and handsomer than me.
我觉得你可爱爆了 Well, I think you're pretty darn cute.
都朋德 Dopinder.
那是什么声音 What was that?
是后备箱里的班度 That was Bandhu in the trunk.
班什么 Ban who?
我的情敌班度 被绑在后备箱里 My romantic rival Bandhu. He's tied up in the trunk.
完全按照您的建议 死先生 I'm doing as you said, DP.
我准备像做烤鱼那样活剥了他 I plan to gut him like a tandoori fish,
然后把尸体丢在吉塔家门口 then dump his carcass on Gita's doorstep.
我可没教他这么干 I did not tell him to do that.
绝对没有 是他理解错了 Absolutely not. It got lost in translation.
都朋德 这样是没法赢回吉塔的芳心的 Dopinder, this is no way to win Gita's heart back!
我太为你骄傲了 I'm so proud of you.
安全地 温柔地放了班度 Drop Bandhu off, safe and gentle-like.
干掉他 Kill him.
然后 追回吉塔 And then, win Gita back.
以最传统的方式 通过男人的魅力 The old fashioned way: with your boyish charm.
绑架她 Kidnap her.
他死定了 He's super dead.
我猜还是爽快地击个掌对吗 I presume a crisp high five?
和你 当然要击双掌 For you? 10.
好吧 伙计们 大干一场吧 Okay, guys, let's get out there and make a difference.
你知道该怎么做 You know what to do.
干掉他们 侍侍 Knock 'em dead, Pool Boy!
是时候做个酥炸墨西哥卷了 Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas.
这事可不常有 一哥们毁了你的脸 Not often a dude ruins your face,
把你整疯了 绑走了你未来孩子的母亲 skull-stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama,
并亲眼见证了你最惨的五个瞬间中的四个 and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments.
这么说吧 Let's just say
越来越有过圣诞节的感觉了 it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
你的弹药包呢 Where's your duffle bag?
班度 Bandhu?
请留言 祝您度过愉快的一天 Leave a message and have a happy day.
该死的 God damn it!
我得按老派的办法来了 I'm gonna do this the old fashioned way,
用两把剑 全力以赴 with two swords and maximum effort.
放音乐 Cue the music.
韦德·威尔逊 Wade Wilson!
我的名字是什么 What's my name?
我他妈待会儿帮你拼出来 Oh, I'mma fuckin' spell it out for ya.
给他们点颜色看看 Go get some.
超级英雄式落地 Superhero landing.
她准备做超级英雄式落地了 She's gonna do a superhero landing.
看好了 Wait for it.
超级英雄式落地 Superhero landing!
话说那样真的对膝盖很不好 You know, that's really hard on your knees.
完全不实用 但他们都这么做 Totally impractical. They all do it.
你是位可爱的姑娘 You're a lovely lady,
但我要把自己留给弗朗西斯 but I'm saving myself for Francis.
所以我把他带来了 That's why I brought him.
我不喜欢打女人 所以还是... I prefer not to hit a woman, so please...
我是说 所以我把她带来了 I mean, that's why I brought her?
没事 你发你的推特吧 Oh, no, finish your tweet.
你真是的 等我们一下子啊 It's not... That's... Just give us a second. Yeah.
好了 记得加个话题 There you go. Hashtag it.
上吧 小老虎 Go get her, tiger.
我真替毕业舞会上逼她就范的哥们难过 Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex.
好吧 开火 All right, then. Fire!
快去干翻她 Finish fucking her the fuck up!
注意用语 Language, please.
吃大鸡巴 Suck a cock.
别过脸去 孩子 Look away, child.
转过去 Look away!
等等 Wait!
停火 Cease fire!
伙计们 Fellas!
你们只是为那个糊了屎的蠢货打工而已 You only work for that shit-spackled muppet fart.
所以我决定给你们一个机会 So, I'mma give you a chance
只要你们放下武器 for y'all to lay down your firearms,
便可以优先换来近乎温柔的 in exchange for preferential, bordering on gentle,
乃至于恋人般的对待 possibly even lover-like treatment.
好吧 Fine.
不穿内裤 Commando!
尝尝我的茶包 Teabag!
鲍勃 Bob?
韦德 Wade?
天啊 上次见你还是在... Oh, my God, I haven't seen you since...
-杰克逊维尔 -星期五餐厅 - Jacksonville. Fridays. - Since TGI Fridays.
佛罗里达州最大城市
真是日了狗了 Well, what the hell!
老天 过来 God, come here, you.
你孩子们怎样 都还好吗 How are the kids? Good?
还有盖尔 她还会做金枪鱼砂锅吗 And Gail, she still fixing that tuna casserole?
太好吃了 但不利于保持腰围 So good. But bad for the waistline,
假如你懂我的意思的话 if you know what I'm talking about.
左边 你很漂亮 Your... On the left. You are beautiful woman.
你真贴心 That is so sweet.
谢谢 Thanks.
弗朗西斯
他也会给你写小纸条吗 Does he write you notes too?
真是个情圣啊 He's such a romantic.
别担心 宝贝 我来了 Don't worry, baby. I'm comin'.
开火 Fire!
上来 Climb on!
哎哟我操 Motherfucking...
这畜生应该穿上他屎黄色的裤子 Motherfucker should have worn his brown pants.
你说得对 美人 You were right, beautiful.
红色真的很适合我 Red really is my color.
韦德 Wade?
别担心 宝贝 Don't worry, baby.
我会把你救出那个破盒子的 I'mma get you out of that shit-box.
还有什么更好的方法能再钻进你的脑子呢 What better way to crawl back inside that head of yours?
你一直在 Oh, you never left.
但你离开了 混蛋 But you did, asshole!
深呼吸 亲爱的 Ah, deep breath, darling.
等等 Oh, wait.
不该这么说 Wrong choice of words.
希望他们把你每条神经上的痛觉都阻断了 I hope they blocked pain to your every last nerve.
因为我会一根根检查的 'Cause I'mma go lookin'!
听说你缺胳膊少腿还能再长出来 韦德 I hear you grow back body parts now, Wade.
等我把你剁成渣 When I'm finished,
看你从哪长出来 parts will have to grow back you.
这狠话好 Good one.
没错 这狠话确实说得好 Yep, that was a good one.
来跳舞吧 Let's dance.
我所说的跳舞 And by dance, I mean,
是来拼个你死我活 let's try to kill each other.
行啊 上拳头吧 Fine. Fists.
你上周六晚就玩过拳交吧 Oh, sounds like your last Saturday night.
混账 Asshole!
坚持住 宝贝 Hang in there, baby!
-韦德 -抓住了 - Wade! - I gotcha!
我有个主意 但你不会喜欢的 I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.
妈的 妈的 Shit! Shit! Shit!
别担心 情况完全在我控制之中 Don't worry. I'm totally on top of this.
该死 Damn it!
全力以赴 Maximum effort!
谢了 Thanks.
慢慢来 Just take it slow.
老天 真是太... Oh, my God! That was so...
没什么可说的了 There are no words!
你要帮我修好这张脸 Me and you are headed to fix this butterface.
什么 What?
你个傻缺 You stupid fucking idiot.
你真的觉得有办法治好你的脸吗 Did you really think there was a cure... for that?
什么 What?
你听见我说的了 You heard me.
不 No.
不 No!
所以 你的意思是 So, you mean to say,
闹了这么大一出 你却治不好我 after all this, you can't fix me?
这话由你说出来后听着就更蠢了 It sounds even stupider when you say it.
是蠢到毁掉唯一一个 Like the kind of stupid who admits
我让你活着的理由吗 he can't do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for?
有遗言吗 Any last words?
我的名字是什么 What's my name?
谁他妈在乎啊 Who fucking cares?
韦德 Wade!
只需要四五个瞬间 Four or five moments.
什么 I'm sorry?
只需要四五个瞬间 仅此而已 Four or five moments, that's all it takes.
就能 To?
成为英雄 Be a hero.
大家都以为英雄是份全职工作 Everyone thinks it's a full-time job.
起床时是英雄 刷牙时是英雄 Wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero,
去工作时是英雄 go to work a hero.
并非如此 Not true.
一辈子当中 Over a lifetime,
只有四五个瞬间是真正要紧的 there are only four or five moments that really matter.
就是那些你面临选择的瞬间 Moments when you're offered a choice.
可以选择做出牺牲 克服缺点 To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw,
拯救朋友 save a friend,
饶恕敌人 spare an enemy.
在那些瞬间 In these moments...
一切都烟消云散了 everything else falls away.
这个世界看待我们的方式 The way the world sees us.
我们看待... The way we...
为什么 Why?
你哔哔个不停 You were droning on.
没错 也许我今后只能像块意大利香肠面包了 Sure, I may be stuck looking like pepperoni flatbread,
但至少这个渣滓活不过来了 but at least fuckface won't heal from that.
假如穿上超级英雄紧身衣 If wearing superhero tights,
意味着饶疯子一命 means sparing psychopaths,
那或许我注定不该穿它们 then maybe I wasn't meant to wear 'em.
不是每个人都跟你一样道德感泛滥 Not everyone monitors a hall like you.
向我保证 Just promise...
行了行了 我会留神剩下的 Yeah, yeah, I'll be on the lookout for the next
那四个瞬间的 four moments.
糟糕 Oh, shit.
恕我失陪 Now, if you'll excuse me,
我只是个男孩 I'm just a boy,
准备站到一个女孩面前 about to stand in front of a girl,
告诉她 and tell her...
我他妈该告诉她些什么啊 What the fuck am I gonna tell her?
你最好想明白了 Well, hmm, you better figure it out.
我都没法告诉你... I can't even tell you...
我活该受这一下 还有这一下 I deserved that. That, too.
不不不 下面还是算了吧 No, no, no, maybe not the nethers.
好好交待 Start talking!
对不起 I'm sorry.
真的很抱歉 I'm so sorry.
对于这一切 很抱歉我离开了 For everything, I'm sorry for leaving.
很抱歉没有早点鼓起勇气 I'm sorry for not cowboying up sooner.
我这几年过得很惨 It's been rough couple of years.
惨 Rough?
我跟瘾君子们住破房子里 I live in a crackhouse.
和一家十二口一起住 With a family of 12.
每晚我们都抱在一起取暖 Every night we spoon for warmth.
人人都要抢诺艾尔 因为她最胖 Everybody fights for Noelle. She's the fattest.
我们共用一切东西 There's nothing that we don't share.
屋内空间 牙线 甚至是套套 Floor space, dental floss, even condoms.
你还能住上房子 So, you live in a house.
我应该早点来找你的 I should have come and found you sooner.
但是 宝贝 面具下的这个人 But, baby, the guy under this mask,
他已经不是你记忆中的那个人了 he ain't the same one that you remember.
你是指这张面具吗 You mean this mask?
还有这张 And this one.
休·杰克曼 金刚狼扮演者
以防我头套掉了 In case the other fell off.
好吧 轻点 All right. Yeah, just...
像撕创可贴一样 只要再 Like a Band-Aid, just give it a...
加点马力 Owdie 5,000.
等一下 等一下 Wait, wait, wait...
你确定吗 Are you sure?
确定 I'm sure.
是啊 Yeah.
只要花点时间适应 After a brief adjustment period,
再来几杯酒下肚 and a bunch of drinks,
我很乐意 it's a face
坐在这张脸上 I'd be happy to sit on.
我的身体也不一样了 I'm not the same underneath this suit, either.
不一样了 No.
超级大屌 Super-penis.
拜托 韦德 注意用语 Come on, Wade. Language.
有小孩子在场呢 Young one is present.
你俩还在磨蹭什么 What are you still doing?
快滚吧 去干点有意义的事 Get out of here. Go make yourself useful!
你 去做某人的好大哥去吧 You, go be a really big brother to someone.
叫野兽别在我草坪上拉屎了 Tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn.
还有你 鸡汤挂面 And you, chicken noodle.
吐槽其衣服颜色
《你无可替代》 Nothing compares to you.
著名光头女歌手
西尼德·奥康娜 1990年发行 Sinead O'Connor, 1990.
抱歉没忍住 Sorry.
没事 你挺酷的 That's all right. You're cool.
真是见鬼了 What in the ass?
那句话一点也不刻薄 我真为你骄傲 That was not mean. I'm proud of you!
我们会让你成为X战警的 韦德 We will make an X-Man of you yet, Wade.
你知道吗 有那么一秒钟 You know, for a second there,
我觉得我们就像是三头小机器狮子 it felt like we were three mini-lion robots,
合体变身成为战神金刚 coming together to form one super robot.
其中有个傻子 There's a stupid.
是啊 Yeah.
现在 到我一直期盼的一刻了 And now, for the moment I've all been waiting for.
过来 Come here.
威猛乐队经典曲目《无心快语》
威猛乐队 Wham!
说好了的 As promised.
瞧见没 See?
要想得到一个女孩你不一定得是英雄 You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl.
你的真命天女会让你成为英雄的 The right girl will bring out the hero in you.
现在 让我们拍完这个史诗般的广角镜头 Now, let's finish this epic wide shot.
镜头拔远 Pull out.
就这样 看起来很棒 There we go, that looks nice.
这会是今晚唯一一个要拔出去的东西 That's gonna be about the only thing that's pulling out tonight.
谁不喜欢皆大欢喜的结局呢 Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh?
我们下次再见 'Til next time,
这句是蜘蛛侠经典台词 "这里是你们友好的邻居蜘蛛侠"
这里是你们友好的邻居侍侍在演唱 this is your friendly neighborhood pool guy singin'...
我再也不会这样起舞 I'm never gonna dance again
如同我与你共舞一般 The way I danced with you
糟糕
瑞安·雷诺兹[死侍]
他超火辣
莫瑞娜·巴卡琳[死侍女友]
他超火辣
-
她
艾德·斯克林[男反派]
他最火辣
吉娜·卡拉诺[女反派]
结尾有彩蛋
致敬电影《春天不是读书天》
你怎么还在这里 You're still here?
结束啦 It's over.
回家吧 Go home.
你是在等《死侍2》的预告是吧 Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2.
我们可没钱拍那个 Well, we don't have that kind of money.
你等什么呢 等塞缪尔·杰克逊现身吗 What are you expecting? Sam Jackson to show up?
《复联》中神盾局局长扮演者
戴着个眼罩 身穿时髦的小皮衣 With an eye patch and a saucy little leather number?
走吧 走吧 Go. Go.
但有件事我可以告诉你 算是个小秘密 But I can tell you one thing, and it's a bit of a secret.
在续集中 For the sequel,
电索将会登场 we're gonna have Cable.
很棒的角色 Amazing character.
有只机械臂 能穿越时空 Bionic arm, time travel.
我们不知道这个角色将由谁来扮演 We have no idea who we're gonna cast yet,
但任何人都有可能 but it could be anybody.
找个剪平头的壮汉就行了 Just need a big guy with a flat top.
可能是梅尔·吉布森 杜夫·龙格尔 Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren...
凯拉·奈特莉 她戏路挺广的 Keira Knightley. She's got range.
谁知道呢 Who knows.
总之 这是个大秘密 Anyway, big secret.
还有 别把垃圾扔得满地都是 Oh, and don't leave your garbage all lying around.
这种行为超烂的 It's a total dick move.
走吧 Go.